Chapter XII: Act I: The White House, October, 1906

ROOT—Mr. President, the Japanese Minister complains that the children of his countrymen in California are denied admittance to the public schools.

PRESIDENT—That will be bad for their education.

ROOT—He regards this as an unfriendly discrimination.

PRES.—I should suppose that would be a painful conviction.

ROOT—He says his countrymen in Japan are greatly excited about it.

PRES.—What a jabbering they must make.

ROOT—He is making a good deal of noise himself.

PRES.—Dare say. Let’s ask Metcalf about it; he’s from California. [_Taps the bell nine times—enter Secretary Metcalf._] Mr. Secretary, how about the exclusion of Japs from the Californian public schools, poor little things!

METCALF—There are separate schools for them. The average age of the poor little things is about thirty years.

PRES.—How affecting! Many of them must be orphans. I was once an orphan.

ROOT (_aside_)—His levity fatigues. (_To the President_) Among the Japanese there are no orphans: those of them that have lost their parents have an official father in the Minister of War.

PRES.—What’s that?

ROOT—Their actual guardian is the ranking admiral of the navy.

PRES.—The devil!

ROOT—No; Togo.

PRES.—This is a mighty serious matter, as I said. Go at once to the Japanese Minister and disavow everything. [_Exit Secretary Root, smiling aside._] Metcalf, tell Loeb to prepare apologies for Japan, for publication in the newspapers. Take the first train to California, and——

[_Exit Secretary Metcalf. Enter Secretary Bonaparte, breathless._]

BONAPARTE—Mr. President, the J-J—the Mapanese Jinister is in the offing with all his s-suite! He is sailing up the gravel walk this very m-minute! For heaven’s sake, go to the window and show your teeth.

[_Exit Secretary Bonaparte, running. Tumult within: “Banzai!
Banzai!”_]

PRES. (_solus_)—What under the sun can I say to appease the pirates? This is what comes of the Peace of Portsmouth! It is this to be a world power with a contumacious province.

[_Has had a bad half-hour._]