Chapter VII: Act V: Scene I

_A Court of Justice._

_Enter_ SIMONIDES _and_ COURTIERS, _sword and mace
carried before them_.

SIM. Be ready with your prisoner; we’ll sit
instantly,
And rise before eleven,[258] or when we please;
Shall we not, fellow[259]-judges?
FIRST COURT. ’Tis committed
All to our power, censure, and pleasure, now;
The duke hath made us chief lords of this sessions,
And we may speak by fits, or sleep by turns.
SIM. Leave that to us; but, whatsoe’er we do,
The prisoner shall be sure to be condemn’d;
Sleeping or waking, we are resolv’d on that,
Before we sit[260] upon him?
SECOND COURT. Make you question
If not?—Cleanthes! and an[261] enemy!
Nay, a concealer of his father too!
A vild[262] example in these days of youth.
SIM. If they were given to follow such examples;
But sure I think they are not: howsoever,
’Twas wickedly attempted; that’s my judgment,
And it shall pass whilst I am in power to sit.
Never by prince were such young judges made;
But now the cause requires it: if you mark it,
He must make young or none; for all the old ones,
Their fathers,[263] he hath sent a fishing—and
My father’s one, I humbly thank his highness.

_Enter_ EUGENIA.

FIRST COURT. Widow![264]
EUG. You almost hit my name no[w], gentlemen;
You come so wondrous near it, I admire you
For your judgment.
SIM. My wife that must be! She.
EUG. My husband goes upon his last hour now.
FIRST COURT. On his last legs, I am sure.
SIM.[265] September the seventeenth—
I will not bate an hour on’t, and to-morrow
His latest hour’s expir’d.
SECOND COURT. Bring him to judgment;
The jury’s panell’d, and the verdict given
Ere[266] he appears; we have ta’en course for that.
SIM. And officers to attach the gray young man,
The youth of fourscore. Be of comfort, lady;
You[267] shall no longer bosom January;
For that I will take order, and provide
For you a lusty April.
EUG. The month that ought, indeed,
To go before May.
FIRST COURT. Do as we have said,
Take a strong guard, and bring him into court.
Lady Eugenia, see this charge perform’d,
That, having his life forfeited by the law,
He may relieve his soul.
EUG. Willingly.
From shaven chins never came better justice
Than these ne’er touch’d by razor.[268] [_Exit._
SIM. What you do,
Do suddenly, we charge you, for we purpose
To make but a short sessions:—a new business!

_Enter_ HIPPOLITA.

FIRST COURT. The fair Hippolita! now what’s your
suit?
HIP. Alas! I know not how to style you yet;
To call you judges doth not suit your years,
Nor heads and beards shew more antiquity;[269]—
Yet sway yourselves with equity and truth,
And I’ll proclaim you reverend, and repeat
Once in my lifetime I have seen grave heads
Plac’d upon young men’s shoulders.
SECOND COURT. Hark! she flouts us,
And thinks to make us monstrous.
HIP. Prove not so;
For yet, methinks, you bear the shapes of men,
(Though nothing more than merely beauty serves[270]
To make you appear angels); but if [you] crimson
Your name and power with blood and cruelty,
Suppress fair virtue, and enlarge bold[271] vice,
Both against heaven and nature, draw your sword,
Make either will or humour turn the soul[272]
Of your created greatness, and in that
Oppose all goodness, I must tell you there
You’re more than monstrous; in the very act
You change yourselves[273] to devils.
FIRST COURT. She’s a witch;
Hark! she begins to conjure.
SIM. Time, you see,
Is short, much business now on foot:—shall I
Give her her answer?
SECOND COURT. None upon the bench
More learnedly can do it.
SIM. He, he, hem! then list:
I wonder at thine impudence, young huswife,
That thou dar’st plead for such a base offender.
Conceal a father past his time to die!
What son and heir would have done this but he?
FIRST COURT. I vow, not I.
HIP. Because ye are parricides;
And how can comfort be deriv’d from such
That pity not their fathers?
SECOND COURT. You are fresh and fair; practise young
women’s ends;
When husbands are distress’d, provide them friends.
SIM. I’ll set him forward for thee without fee:[274]
Some wives would pay for such a courtesy.
HIP. Times of amazement! what duty, goodness
dwell[275]——
I sought for charity, but knock at hell. [_Exit._

_Re-enter_ EUGENIA, _and_ GUARD _with_ LYSANDER.

SIM. Eugenia come! Command a second guard
To bring Cleanthes in; we’ll not sit long;
My stomach strives to dinner.[276]
EUG. Now, servants, may a lady be so bold
To call your power so low?
SIM. A mistress may;
She can make all things low; then in that language
There can be no offence.
EUG. The time’s now come
Of manumissions; take him into bonds,
And I am then at freedom.
SECOND COURT. This the man!
He hath left off [o’] late to feed on snakes;
His beard’s turn’d white again.
FIRST COURT. Is’t possible these gouty legs danc’d
lately,
And [s]hatter’d in a galliard?
EUG. Jealousy
And fear of death can work strange prodigies.
SECOND COURT. The nimble fencer this, that made me
tear
And traverse ’bout the chamber?
SIM. Ay, and gave me
Those elbow-healths, the hangman take him for’t!
They had almost fetch’d my heart out: the Dutch
venny[277]
I swallow’d pretty well; but the half-pike
Had almost pepper’d[278] me; but had I took [long-
sword],
Being swollen, I had cast my lungs out.

_A Flourish._[279] _Enter_ EVANDER _and_ CRATILUS.

FIRST[280] COURT. Peace, the duke!
EVAN. Nay, back t’ your seats:[281] who’s that?
SECOND COURT. May’t please your highness, it is old
Lysander.[282]
EVAN. And brought in by his wife! a worthy precedent
Of one that no way would offend the law,
And should not pass away without remark.
You have been look’d for long.
LYS. But never fit
To die till now, my lord. My sins and I
Have been but newly parted; much ado
I had to get them leave me, or be taught
That difficult lesson, how to learn to die.
I never thought there had been such an act,
And ’tis the only discipline we are born for:
All studies else[283] are but as circular lines,
And death the centre where they must all meet.
I now can look upon thee, erring woman,Cro
And not be vex’d with jealousy; on young men,
Pleasure, and strength; all which were once mine own,
And mine must be theirs one day.
EVAN. You have tam’d him.
SIM. And know how to dispose him; that, my liege,
Hath been before determin’d. You confess
Yourself of full age?
LYS. Yes, and prepar’d to inherit——
EUG. Your place above.[284]
SIM. Of which the hangman’s strength
Shall put him in possession.
LYS. ’Tis still car’d[285]
To take me willing and in mind to die;
And such are, when the earth grows weary of them,
Most fit for heaven.
SIM. The court shall make his mittimus,
And send him thither presently: i’th’ mean time——
EVAN. Away[286] to death with him.
[_Exit_ CRATILUS _with_ LYSANDER.

_Enter_ GUARD _with_ CLEANTHES, HIPPOLITA _following,
weeping_.

SIM. So! see another person brought to the bar.
FIRST COURT. The arch-malefactor.
SECOND COURT. The grand offender,[287] the most
refractory
To all good order;[288] ’tis Cleanthes, he——
SIM. That would have sons grave fathers, ere their
fathers
Be sent unto their graves.
EVAN. There will be expectation
In your severe proceedings against him;
His act being so capital.
SIM. Fearful and bloody;
Therefore we charge these women leave the court,
Lest they should swoon[289] to hear it.
EUG. I, in expectation
Of a most happy freedom. [_Exit._
HIP. I, with the apprehension
Of a most sad and desolate widowhood. [_Exit._
FIRST COURT. We bring him to the bar——
SECOND COURT. Hold up your hand, sir.
CLEAN. More reverence to the place than to the
persons:
To the one I offer up a [spreading][290] palm
Of duty and obedience, [a]s to heaven,
Imploring justice, which was never wanting
Upon that bench whilst their own fathers sat;
But unto you, my hands contracted thus,
As threatening vengeance against murderers,
For they that kill in thought shed innocent blood.—
With pardon of[291] your highness, too much passion
Made me forget your presence, and the place
I now am call’d to.
EVAN. All our[292] majesty
And power we have to pardon or condemn
Is now conferr’d on them.
SIM. And these we’ll use
Little to thine advantage.
CLEAN. I expect it:
And as to these, I look no mercy from [them],
And much less mean[293] to entreat it. I thus now
Submit me [to] the emblems of your power,
The sword and bench: but, my most reverend judges,
Ere you proceed to sentence, (for I know
You have given me lost,) will you resolve me one thing?
FIRST COURT. So it be briefly question’d.
SECOND COURT. Shew your humour;[294]
Day spends itself apace.
CLEAN. My lords, it shall.[295]
Resolve me, then, where are your filial tears,
Your mourning habits, and sad hearts become,
That should attend your fathers’ funeral[s]?
Though the stric[t] law (which I will not accuse,
Because a subject) snatch’d away their lives,
It doth not bar you[296] to lament their deaths:
Or if you cannot spare one sad suspire,
It doth not bid you laugh them to their graves,
Lay subtle trains to antedate their years,
To be the sooner seis’d of their estates.
O, time of age! where’s that Æneas now,
Who letting all his jewels to the flames;
Forgetting country, kindred, treasure, friends,
Fortunes, and all things, save the name of son,
Which you so much forget, godlike[297] Æneas,
Who took his bedrid father on his back,
And with that sacred load (to him no burthen)
Hew’d out his way through blood, through fire, through
[arms],
Even all the arm’d streets of bright-burning Troy,
Only to save a father?
SIM. We’ve[298] no leisure now
To hear lessons read from Virgil; we’re[299] past
school,
And all this time thy judges.
SECOND COURT. It is[300] fit
That we proceed to sentence.
FIRST COURT. You are the mouth,
And now ’tis fit to open.
SIM. Justice, indeed,
Should ever be close-ear’d and open-mouth’d;
That is, to hear a[301] little, and speak much.
Know then, Cleanthes, there is none can be
A good son and bad[302] subject; for, if princes
Be call’d the people’s fathers, then the subjects
Are all his sons, and he that flouts the prince
Doth disobey his father: there you’re[303] gone.
FIRST COURT. And not to be recover’d.
SIM. And again—
SECOND COURT. If he be gone once, call him not again.
SIM. I say again, this act of thine expresses
A double disobedience: as our princes
Are fathers, so they are our sovereigns too;
And he that doth rebel ’gainst[304] sovereignty
Doth commit treason in the height of degree:
And now thou art quite gone.
FIRST COURT. Our brother in commission
Hath spoke his mind both learnedly and neatly,
And I can add but little; howsoever,
It shall send him packing.
He that begins a fault that wants example
Ought to be made example for the fault.
CLEAN. A fault! no longer can I hold myself
To hear vice upheld and virtue thrown down.
A fault! judge, I desire, then,[305] where it lieth,
In those that are my judges, or in me:
Heaven stand[s] on my side, pity, love, and duty.
SIM. Where are they, sir? who sees them but yourself?
CLEAN. Not you; and I am sure
You never had the gracious eyes to see them.
You think [that] you arraign me, but I hope
To sentence you at the bar.
SECOND COURT. That would shew brave.
CLEAN. This were the judgment-seat we [stand at]
now![306]
[Of] the heaviest crimes that ever made up [sin],
Unnaturalness and inhumanity,
You are found foul and guilty, by a jury
Made of your fathers’ curses, which have brought
Vengeance impending on you; and I, now,
Am forc’d to pronounce judgment on my judges.
The common laws of reason and of nature
Condemn you, _ipso facto_; you are parricides,
And if you marry, will beget the like,[307]
Who, when they’re[308] grown to full maturity,
Will hurry you, their fathers, to their graves.
Like traitors, you take council from the living,
Of upright judgment you would rob the bench,
(Experience and discretion snatch’d away
From the earth’s face,) turn all into disorder,
Imprison virtue, and infranchise vice,
And put the sword of justice into the hands
Of boys and madmen.
SIM. Well, well, have you done, sir?
CLEAN. I have spoke my thoughts.
SIM. Then I’ll begin and end.
EVAN. ’Tis time I now begin—
Here[309] your commission ends.
Cleanthes, come you[310] from the bar. Because
I know you are[311] severally disposed, I here
Invite you to an object will, no doubt,
Work in you contrary effects.—Music!

_Loud Music._ _Enter_ LEONIDES, CREON, LYSANDER,
_and other old men_.
CLEAN. Pray, heaven, I dream not! sure he moves, talks
comfortably,
As joy can wish a man. If he be chang’d
(Far above from me), he’s[312] not ill entreated;
His face doth promise fulness of content,
And glory hath a part in’t.
LEON. O my son!
EVAN. You that can claim acquaintance with these lads,
Talk freely.
SIM. I can see none there that’s worth
One hand to you from me.
EVAN. These are thy judges, and by their grave law
I find thee clear, but these delinquents guilty.
You must change places, for ’tis so decreed:
Such just pre-eminence hath thy goodness gain’d,
Thou art the judge now, they the men arraign’d.
[_To_ CLEANTHES.
FIRST COURT. Here’s fine dancing, gentlemen.
SECOND COURT. Is thy father amongst them?
SIM.[313] O, pox![314] I saw him the first thing I
look’d on.
Alive again! ’slight, I believe now a father
Hath as many lives as a mother.
CLEAN.[315] ’Tis full as blessed as ’tis wonderful.
O, bring me back to the same law again!
I am fouler than all these; seize on me, officers,
And bring me to new sentence.
SIM.[316] What’s all this?
CLEAN. A fault not to be pardon’d,
Unnaturalness is but sin’s shadow to it.
SIM. I am glad of that; I hope the case may alter,
And I turn judge again.
EVAN. Name your offence.
CLEAN. That I should be so vild[317]
As once to think you cruel.
EVAN. Is that all?
’Twas pardon’d ere confess’d: you that have sons,
If they be worthy, here may challenge them.[318]
CREON.[319] I should have one amongst them, had he had
grace
To have retain’d that name.
SIM. I pray you, father. [_Kneels._
CREON.[320] That name, I know, hath been long since
forgot.
SIM. I find but small comfort in remembering it now.
EVAN. Cleanthes, take your place[321] with these grave
father[s],
And read what in that table is inscrib’d.
[_Gives him a paper._
Now set these at the bar,
And read, Cleanthes, to the dread and terror
Of disobedience and unnatural blood.
CLEAN. [reads.] _It is decreed by the grave and learned
council of Epire, that no son and heir shall be held
capable of his inheritance at the age of one and twenty,
unless he be at that time as mature[322] in obedience,
manners, and goodness._
SIM. Sure I shall never be at full age, then, though I
live to an hundred years; and that’s nearer by twenty
than the last statute allowed.
FIRST COURT. A terrible act!
CLEAN.[323] _Moreover_, [_it_] _is enacted that all sons
aforesaid, whom either this law, or their own grace,
shall[324] reduce into the true method of duty, virtue,
and affection_, [_shall appear before us_][325] _and
relate their trial and approbation from Cleanthes, the
son of Leonides_—from me, my lord!
EVAN. From none but you, as fullest. Proceed, sir.
CLEAN. _Whom, for his manifest virtues, we make such
judge and censor of youth, and the absolute reference of
life and manners._
SIM. This is a brave world! when a man should be selling
land, he must be learning manners. Is’t not, my masters?

_Re-enter_ EUGENIA.

EUG. What’s here to do? my suitors at the bar!
The old band[326] shines again: O miserable! [_She
swoons._
EVAN. Read the law over to her, ’twill awake her: ’Tis
on deserves small pity.
CLEAN. _Lastly, it is ordained, that all such wives now
whatsoever, that shall design the[ir] husbands’ death,
to be soon rid of them, and entertain suitors in their
husbands’ lifetime_—
SIM. You had best read that a little louder; for, if any
thing, that will bring her to herself again, and find
her tongue.
CLEAN. _Shall not presume, on the penalty of our heavy
displeasure, to marry within ten years after._
EUG. That law’s too long by nine years and a half, I’ll
take my death upon’t, so shall most women.
CLEAN. _And those incontinent women so offending, to be
judge[d] and censured by Hippolita, wife to Cleanthes._
EUG. Of all the rest, I’ll not be judg[’d] by her.

_Re-enter_ HIPPOLITA.

CLEAN. Ah! here she comes. Let me prevent thy joys,
Prevent them but in part, and hide the rest;
Thou hast not strength enough to bear them, else.
HIP. Leonides! [_She faints._
CLEAN. I fear’d it all this while;
I knew ’twas past thy power. Hippolita!—
What contrariety is in women’s blood!
One faints for spleen and anger, she for grace.
EVAN. Of sons and wives we see the worst and best.
May[327] future ages yield Hippolitas
Many; but few like thee, Eugenia!
Let no Simonides henceforth have a fame,
But all blest sons live in Cleanthes’ name—
[_Harsh music within._
Ha! what strange kind of melody was that?
Yet give it entrance, whatsoe’er it be,
This day is all devote to liberty.

_Enter_ FIDDLERS, GNOTHO, COURTEZAN, COOK, BUTLER,
_&c. with the old_ WOMEN, AGATHA, _and one bearing
a bridecake for the wedding_.

GNOTH. Fiddlers, crowd on, crowd on;[328] let no man
lay a block in your way.—Crowd on, I say.
EVAN. Stay the crowd awhile; let’s know the reason of
this jollity.
CLEAN. Sirrah, do you know where you are?
GNOTH. Yes, sir; I am here, now here, and now here
again, sir.
LYS. Your hat[329] is too high crown’d, the duke in
presence.
GNOTH. The duke! as he is my sovereign, I do give him
two crowns for it,[330] and that’s equal change all the
world over: as I am lord of the day (being my marriage-
day the second) I do advance [my] bonnet. Crowd on
afore.
LEON. Good sir, a few words, if you will[331]
vouchsafe ’em;
Or will you be forc’d?
GNOTH. Forced! I would the duke himself would say so.
EVAN. I think he dares, sir, and does; if you stay
not,
You shall be forc’d.
GNOTH. I think so, my lord, and good reason too; shall
not I stay, when your grace says I shall? I were
unworthy to be a bridegroom in any part of your
highness’s dominions, then: will it please you to taste
of the wedlock-courtesy?
EVAN. O, by no means, sir; you shall not deface
So fair an ornament for me.
GNOTH. If your grace please to be cakated, say so.
EVAN. And which might be your fair bride, sir?
GNOTH. This is my two for one that must be, [the] _uxor
uxoris_, the remedy _doloris_, and the very _syceum
amoris_.
EVAN. And hast thou any else?
GNOTH. I have an older, my lord, for other uses.
CLEAN. My lord,
I do observe a strange decorum here:
These that do lead this day of jollity
Do march with music and most mirthful cheeks;
Those that do follow, sad and wofully,
Nearer the haviour of a funeral
Than [of] a wedding.
EVAN. ’Tis true: pray expound that, sir.
GNOTH. As the destiny of the day falls out, my lord, one
goes[332] to wedding, another goes to hanging; and your
grace, in the due consideration, shall find ’em much
alike; the one hath the ring upon her finger, the other
the[333] halter about her neck. _I take thee, Beatrice_,
says the bridegroom; _I take thee, Agatha_, says the
hangman; and both say together, _to have and to hold,
till death do part us_.
EVAN. This is not yet plain enough to my understanding.
GNOTH. If further your grace examine it, you shall find
I shew myself a dutiful subject, and obedient to the
law, myself, with these my good friends, and your good
subjects, our old wives, whose days are ripe, and their
lives forfeit to the law: only myself, more forward than
the rest, am already provided of my second choice.
EVAN. O, take heed, sir, you’ll run yourself into
danger!
If the law finds you with two wives at once,
There’s a shrewd premunire.
GNOTH. I have taken leave of the old, my lord. I have
nothing to say to her; she’s going to sea, your grace
knows whither, better than I do: she has a strong wind
with her, it stands full in her poop; when you please,
let her disembogue.
COOK. And the rest of her neighbours with her, whom we
present to the satisfaction of your highness’ law.
GNOTH. And so we take our leaves, and leave them to your
highness.—Crowd on.[334]
EVAN. Stay, stay, you are too forward. Will you marry,
And your wife yet living?
GNOTH. Alas! she’ll be dead before we can get to church.
If your grace would set her in the way, I would despatch
her: I have a venture on’t, which would return me, if
your highness would make a little more haste, two for
one.
EVAN. Come, my lords, we must sit again; here’s a case
Craves a most serious censure.
COOK. Now they shall be despatch’d out of the way.
GNOTH. I would they were gone once; the time goes away.
EVAN. Which is the wife unto the forward bridegroom?
AGA. I am, and[335] it please your grace.
EVAN. Trust me, a lusty woman, able-bodied,
And well-blooded cheeks.
GNOTH. O, she paints, my lord; she was a chambermaid
once, and learnt it of her lady.
EVAN. Sure I think she cannot be so old.
AGA. Truly I think so too, and please your grace.
GNOTH. Two to one with your grace of that! she’s
threescore by the book.
LEON. Peace, sirrah, you’re too loud.
COOK. Take heed, Gnotho;[336] if you move the duke’s
patience, ’tis an edge-tool; but a word and a blow; he
cuts off your head.
GNOTH. Cut off my head! away, ignorant! he knows it cost
more in the hair; he does not use to cut off many such
heads as mine: I will talk to him too; if he cut off my
head, I’ll give him my ears. I say my wife is at full
age for the law; the clerk shall take his oath, and the
church-book shall be sworn too.
EVAN. My lords, I leave this censure to you.
LEON. Then first, this fellow does deserve punishment,
For offering up a lusty able woman,
Which may do service to the commonwealth,
Where the law craves one impotent and useless.
CREON. Therefore to be severely punish’d,
For thus attempting a second marriage,
His wife yet living.
LYS. Nay, to have it trebled;
That even the day and instant when he should mourn,
As a kind husband, at[337] her funeral,
He leads a triumph to the scorn of it;
Which unseasonable joy ought to be punish’d
With all severity.
BUT. The fiddles will be in a foul case too, by and
by.
LEON. Nay, further; it seems he has a venture
Of two for one at his second marriage,
Which cannot be but a conspiracy
Against the former.
GNOTH. A mess of wise old men!
LYS. Sirrah, what can you answer to all these?
GNOTH. Ye are good old men, and talk as age will give
you leave. I would speak with the youthful duke himself;
he and I may speak of things that shall be thirty or
forty years after you are dead and rotten. Alas! you are
here to-day, and gone to sea to-morrow.
EVAN. In troth, sir, then I must be plain with you.
The law that should take away your old wife from you,
The which I do perceive was your desire,
Is void and frustrate; so for the rest:
There has been since another parliament
Has cut it off.
GNOTH. I see your grace is disposed to be pleasant.
EVAN. Yes, you might perceive that; I had not else
Thus dallied with your follies.
GNOTH. I’ll talk further with your grace when I come
back from church; in the mean time, you know what to do
with the old women.
EVAN. Stay, sir, unless in the mean time you mean
I cause a gibbet to be set up in your way,
And hang you at your return.
AGA. O gracious prince!
EVAN. Your old wives cannot die to-day by any
Law of mine; for aught I can say to ’em,
They may, by a new edict, bury you,
And then, perhaps, you[’ll] pay a new fine too.
GNOTH. This is fine, indeed!
AGA. O gracious prince! may he live a hundred years
more.
COOK. Your venture is not like to come in today,
Gnotho.[338]
GNOTH. Give me the principal back.
COOK. Nay, by my troth we’ll venture still—and I’m sure
we have as ill a venture of it as you; for we have taken
old wives of purpose, that[339] we had thought to have
put away at this market, and now we cannot utter a
pennyworth.
EVAN. Well, sirrah, you were best to discharge your new
charge, and take your old one to you.
GNOTH. O music! no music, but prove most doleful
trumpet;[340]
O bride! no bride, but thou mayst prove a strumpet;
O venture! no venture, I have, for one, now none;
O wife! thy life is sav’d when I hop’d it had[341] been
gone.
Case up your fruitless strings; no penny, no wedding;
Case up thy maidenhead; no priest, no bedding:
Avaunt, my venture! it can ne’er be restor’d,
Till Ag, my old wife, be thrown overboard:
Then come again, old Ag, since it must be so;
Let bride and venture with woful music go.
COOK. What for the bridecake, Gnotho?[342]
GNOTH. Let it be mouldy, now ’tis out of season,
Let it grow out of date, currant, and reason;
Let it be chipt and chopt, and given to chickens.
No more is got by that than William Dickins
Got by his wooden dishes.
Put up your plums, as fiddlers put up pipes,
The wedding dash’d, the bridegroom weeps and wipes.
Fiddlers, farewell! and now, without perhaps,
Put up your fiddles as you put up scraps.
LYS. This passion[343] has given some satisfaction yet.
My lord, I think you’ll pardon him now, with all the
rest, so they live honestly with the wives they have.
EVAN. O, most freely; free pardon to all.
COOK. Ay, we have deserved our pardons, if we can live
honestly with such reverend wives, that have no motion
in ’em but their tongues.
AGA. Heaven bless your grace! you’re a just prince.
GNOTH. All hopes[344] dash’d; the clerk’s duties lost,
[My] venture gone; my second wife divorc’d;
And which is worst, the old one come back again!
Such voyages are made now-a-days!
I will weep two salt [ones out] of my[345] nose,
besides these two fountains of fresh water. Your grace
had been more kind to your young subjects—heaven bless
and mend your laws, that they do not gull your poor
countrymen: but[346] I am not the first, by forty, that
has been undone by the law. ’Tis but a folly to stand
upon terms; I take my leave of your grace, as well as
mine eyes will give me leave: I would they had been
asleep in their beds when they opened ’em to see this
day! Come, Ag; come, Ag.
[_Exeunt_ GNOTHO _and_ AGATHA.
CREON. Were not you all my servants?
COOK. During your life, as we thought, sir; but our
young master turned us away.
CREON. How headlong, villain, wert thou in thy ruin!
SIM. I followed the fashion, sir, as other young men
did. If you were[347] as we thought you had been, we
should ne’er have come for this, I warrant you. We did
not feed, after the old fashion, on beef and mutton, and
such like.
CREON. Well, what damage or charge you have run
yourselves into by marriage, I cannot help, nor deliver
you from your wives; them you must keep; yourselves
shall again return[348] to me.
ALL. We thank your lordship for your love, and must
thank ourselves for our bad bargains. [_Exeunt._
EVAN. Cleanthes, you delay the power of law,
To be inflicted on these misgovern’d men,
That filial duty have so far transgress’d.
CLEAN. My lord, I see a satisfaction
Meeting the sentence, even preventing it,
Beating my words back in their utterance.
See, sir, there’s salt sorrow bringing forth fresh
And new duties, as the sea propagates.
The elephants have found their joints too——
[_They kneel._
Why, here’s humility able to bind up
The punishing hand[s] of the severest masters,
Much more the gentle fathers’.
SIM. I had ne’er thought to have been brought so low as
my knees again; but since there’s no remedy, fathers,
reverend fathers, as you ever hope to have good sons and
heirs, a handful of pity! we confess we have deserved
more than we are willing to receive at your hands,
though sons can never deserve too much of their fathers,
as shall appear afterwards.
CREON. And what way can you decline your feeding now?
You cannot retire to beeves and muttons, sure.
SIM. Alas! sir, you see a good pattern for that, now we
have laid by our high and lusty meats, and are down to
our marrow-bones already.
CREON. Well, sir, rise to virtues: we’ll bind[349] you
now;
You that were too weak yourselves to govern,
By others shall be govern’d.
LYS. Cleanthes,
I meet your justice with reconcilement:
If there be tears of faith in woman’s breast,
I have receiv’d a myriad, which confirms me
To find a happy renovation.
CLEAN. Here’s virtue’s throne,
Which I’ll embellish with my dearest jewels
Of love and faith, peace and affection!
This is the altar of my sacrifice,
Where daily my devoted knees shall bend.
Age-honour’d shrine! time still so love you,
That I so long may have you in mine eye
Until my memory lose your beginning!
For you, great prince, long may your fame survive,
Your justice and your wisdom never die,
Crown of your crown, the blessing of your land,
Which you reach to her from your regent[350] hand!
LEON. O Cleanthes, had you with us tasted
The entertainment of our retirement,
Fear’d and exclaim’d on in your ignorance,
You might have sooner died upon the wonder,
Than any rage or passion for our loss.
A place at hand we were all strangers in,
So spher’d about with music, such delights,
[Such] viands and attendance, and once a day
So cheered with a royal visitant,
That ofttimes, waking, our unsteady phantasies
Would question whether we yet liv’d or no,
Or had possession of that paradise
Where angels be the guard!
EVAN. Enough, Leonides,
You go beyond the praise; we have our end,
And all is ended well: we have now seen
The flowers and weeds that grow[351] about our court.
SIM. If these be weeds, I’m afraid I shall wear none so
good again as long as my father lives.

EVAN. Only this gentleman we did abuse
With our own bosom: we seem’d a tyrant,
And he our instrument. Look, ’tis Cratilus,
[_Discovers_ CRATILUS.
The man that you suppos’d had now been travell’d;
Which we gave leave to learn to speak,
And bring us foreign languages to Greece.
All’s joy,[352] I see; let music be the crown:
And set it high, “The good needs fear no law,
It is his safety, and the bad man’s awe.”
[_Flourish. Exeunt._

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The notes on this play have enabled the reader to see
distinctly the difference between the present and the original
text: and now, at its close, I cannot help remarking, that,
out of respect for Gifford’s judgment, I have perhaps deviated
oftener from the old copy than I should have done if the play
had not been previously edited by him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE
MAYOR OF QUEENBOROUGH.

_The Mayor of Quinborough: A Comedy. As it hath been often
Acted with much Applause at Black-Fryars, By His Majesties
Servants. Written by Tho. Middleton. London, Printed for
Henry Herringman, and are to be sold at his Shop at the Sign
of the Blew-Anchor in the Lower-Walk of the New-Exchange._
1661. 4to.

From the introduction of an individual as a chorus, and of
dumb shows (such as we find in _Pericles_, and other dramas
of an early date), we may gather that this piece was among
the author’s first attempts at dramatic composition. Nor does
the mention made in it of a play called the _Wild-Goose
Chase_, even supposing that Fletcher’s comedy be meant,
overthrow such a conclusion. The passage where that mention
occurs (Act v. Sc. i.) might have been inserted when the
_Mayor of Queenborough_ was revived, at a period long after
its first appearance on the stage: (every reader of our old
dramas is aware that play-wrights were often employed to make
“additions” to the works of their predecessors): it might,
indeed, have been written by Middleton himself, after the
appearance of Fletcher’s play, which was produced about 1621.

When Henslowe in his diary notices “Oct. 1602. Randall, Earl
of Chester, by T. Middleton,” Malone thinks (why, I know
not,) that the _Mayor of Queenborough_ is meant.

This drama has been reprinted in the different editions of
Dodsley’s _Coll. of Old Plays_, vol. xi.

“The author,” says Langbaine, “has chiefly followed
Rainulph’s _Polychronicon_: see besides Stowe, Speed, Du
Chesne, &c. in the reign of Vortiger.”—_Account of Dram.
Poets_, p. 372.

GENTLEMEN,[353]

You have the first flight of him, I assure you. This _Mayor
of Queenborough_, whom you have all heard of, and some of you
beheld upon the stage, now begins to walk abroad in print: he
has been known sufficiently by the reputation of his wit,
which is enough, by the way, to distinguish him from ordinary
mayors; but wit, you know, has skulked in corners for many
years past,[354] and he was thought to have most of it that
could best hide himself. Now whether this magistrate feared
the decimating times, or kept up the state of other mayors,
that are bound not to go out of their liberties during the
time of their mayoralty, I know not: ’tis enough for me to
put him into your hands, under the title of an honest man,
which will appear plainly to you, because you shall find him
all along to have a great pique to the rebel Oliver. I am
told his drollery yields to none the English drama did ever
produce; and though I would not put his modesty to the blush,
by speaking too much in his commendation, yet I know you will
agree with me, upon your better acquaintance with him, that
there is some difference in point of wit betwixt the _Mayor
of Queenborough_ and the _Mayor of Huntingdon_.[355]

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.

CONSTANTIUS, }
AURELIUS AMBROSIUS, } _sons of_ CONSTANTINE.
UTHER PENDRAGON, }
VORTIGER.
VORTIMER, _his son_.
DEVONSHIRE, } _British lords_.
STAFFORD, }
GERMANUS, } _monks_.
LUPUS, }
HENGIST.
HORSUS.
SIMON, _a tanner, Mayor of Queenborough_.
AMINADAB, _his clerk_.
OLIVER, _a fustian-weaver_.
_Glover._
_Barber._
_Tailor._
_Felt-monger._
_Button-maker._
_Graziers._
_Players._
_Gentlemen._
_Murderers._
_Soldiers, Footmen, &c._

CASTIZA, _daughter to_ DEVONSHIRE.
ROXENA, _daughter to_ HENGIST.
_Ladies._

RAYNULPH HIGDEN, _Monk of Chester, as Chorus_.

THE
MAYOR OF QUEENBOROUGH.

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