Chapter II: The Treatment of Penitents in Different External Circumstances (2)

If a woman living in the world has a serious wish to preserve virginal purity, the confessor must confirm and support her in so good and salutary a resolution, for it is very pleasing to Jesus, the lover of pure souls. It offers a safer and easier way to holiness, and the state of virginity by far exceeds in merit and dignity that of matrimony. The confessor should, however, only allow those to take the vow of _perpetual virginity_ whom he knows to be truly steadfast in piety and virtue, and of firm and decided will. As a rule, he should allow younger persons to take this vow for a short time only at first,—say for six months,—and afterwards, when they have proved themselves steadfast, and he sees that it is beneficial to them, he can extend the period to one or two years, and only later permit them to bind themselves by vow to perpetual virginity; or he should permit the perpetual vow under a conditional resolution, such as: “_nisi Confessarius pro tempore judicaverit expedire, ut votum desinat_.”[964]

The confessor should give special attention to those penitents who have really taken the vow of virginity, instructing them not only to be faithful to their vow, but to lead a perfect life according to their station and capacity.

IV. The state of _matrimony_.

Although the state of virginity possesses a very exalted dignity, the state of matrimony has divine sanction. The Church has always esteemed it highly, faithfully following in this respect the example of her divine Founder, and has always defended the dignity of Christian marriage wherever it was called for. God has ordained marriage for most men as their state of life; and, since upon the faithful performance of the duties of married people depend, not only their own temporal and eternal welfare, but also that of the family and of society, let the confessor, when occasion is offered: (1) direct his endeavors to prevent young people from entering into the state of matrimony too soon, without preparation, without knowledge of its duties, or capacity to perform them, and with an impure motive; (2) oppose most energetically those forbidden and pernicious intimacies which are the worst imaginable preparation for marriage, and generally the occasion of grave sins, and tolerate only the acknowledged and necessary intimacies a short time before the marriage, with due observance of the necessary measures of precaution; (3) instruct those penitents who have a vocation for marriage, and wish to enter that state, concerning its duties;[965] (4) admonish them to inform their parents of their intention to marry, in order to obtain their advice and assistance. For, as on the one hand, parents would sin who deterred their children, _sine justa causa_, from contracting an honorable marriage, so, on the other hand, children would sin who wished, against the will of their parents, to contract a marriage calculated to bring shame and dishonor upon a family, without some valid ground which would constitute an excuse for so doing.[966]

77. Betrothal and Marriage.

“_Maxima prudentia ac zelo hic opus habet Confessarius_,” justly remarks Scavini, and continues (quoting the “Méthode pour la direction des ames”), “Les personnes, qui vont se marier ont besoin de plusieurs avis pour ne rien omettre de leurs devoirs, ne rien faire contre la sainteté du mariage.” The confessor should particularly observe the following points: 1. Betrothed persons should not, as a rule, live in the same house.[967] Let the confessor insist with unrelenting severity in this matter.[968]

2. The time of betrothal should be one of preparation for contracting a marriage well pleasing to God; but it would be a very bad preparation on the part of the betrothed persons to burden their souls with grave sins against holy purity. Let the confessor, therefore, admonish them to preserve themselves free from all sins during this time, especially from those of impurity; and he has the more reason for giving this advice because very great dangers threaten their virtue on account of the intimacy of their relationship, the frequency of their intercourse, and their mutual inclination; moreover, this time of betrothal is, often enough, a career of continued sin, and an almost uninterrupted round of distractions, pleasures, and worldly cares. It often happens that young women, who before their betrothal led a zealous, religious, and pure life, become during this time lukewarm and indifferent in the exercises of piety, in the reception of the holy Sacraments, and even in attendance at Mass. With this comes carelessness in combating temptation; and moral perversion, alas! often of the worst kind is the result. Therefore let the confessor watch, warn, and admonish.

(_a_) He should explain to them that whatever is forbidden by God in the sixth and ninth commandments is no more allowed to them than to unmarried people in general; on the contrary, the prospect of a speedy union, their mutual love and weakness may lead them into greater temptations and dangers, and that they should, therefore, be more watchful and careful now, should pray more than before for the necessary grace and strength to remain pure, and to be able to approach the altar for the nuptial ceremony with hearts undefiled. He should also call their attention to the misfortunes in married life with which God, even here on earth, is wont to punish sins committed against the sanctity of the Sacrament by the betrothed.

(_b_) He should forbid them any too familiar intercourse with each other, especially _solius cum sola_, in retired places at night or in the evening. He must not allow them to meet without some attendance and supervision. How many have been exposed to the greatest dangers by merely going to the door in the evening, and tainted a virtue which had been preserved spotless for years. Frequent visiting of engaged persons without supervision of parents or relations is, in general, to be regarded and treated as an _immediate_ occasion of sin, and that, not _per accidens_, but _per se_.[969] St. Alphonsus inveighs severely against engaged persons and the parents who permit these visits and familiarities, and defends his severity by appealing to experience.[970] Moralists teach (and experience confirms their teaching) that too much familiarity on the part of persons engaged constitutes the very greatest danger to chastity.[971] Frassinetti’s words are to the point: “Let parents see that their sons do not meet with too great familiarity, and, above all, not alone and without witnesses, the young women whom they think of marrying. I say ‘with too great familiarity,’ for it would be useless to preach that betrothed persons should never visit one another. Such visits are partly necessary, in order that there may be mutual knowledge of one another, before they are joined by the indissoluble bond of matrimony. Moreover, they would, in any case, wish to visit one another, on account of their mutual attachment, which, in view of their future marriage, is not reprehensible.... But the priest must earnestly impress upon parents the necessity of exercising great watchfulness over these visits. _Great watchfulness_, in order that the young people may observe the strictest propriety in their intercourse with each other. The parents should, therefore, always have them under their observation. Such visiting should not be prolonged nor be too frequent. For, in these cases, it cannot be presumed that divine grace will assist the young people, as such conduct is neither necessary nor becoming; and, on this account, there will unfailingly be many dangers.”

(_c_) He should urge speedy marriages, as this will obviate many temptations and dangers of sin. Protracted engagements are seldom good; circumstances may supervene which make speedy marriage difficult or impossible; but if it can take place soon, the confessor must not easily consent to postponement from slight motives.[972] The cause of the postponement should be inquired into, and all possible efforts be made to remove it. Every betrothed person _can_ demand the fulfilment of the promise of marriage (even in _foro externo_) and the other party is, _sub gravi_, bound to accede to this demand if he has no valid reason for refusal or postponement. As postponement of marriage generally means great moral dangers for the betrothed, it can only be justified by weighty motives.[973] If one of the parties intends to dissolve the engagement, the confessor should explain its binding nature. To break off an engagement out of levity, in momentary anger or on account of some sudden passion, is wrong, and dishonorable, even if the dissolution be valid.[974] To make engagements lightly and as lightly to break them is contrary to the sanctity of matrimony.

(_d_) He should enjoin zealous prayer, frequent reception of the Sacraments,[975] and especially a general confession (which will be useful for all and necessary for many)[976] and good works, that they may receive the Sacrament of Matrimony worthily, thus laying a solid foundation for a happy life. But it is not well to defer the confession till the last hours or minutes before the wedding, and the confessor should energetically dissuade from this practice, which may cause him and those about to be married difficulties and embarrassment. In order to avoid this, and also to contribute to a better preparation, he should recommend confession (general confession) _before or after the_ first publication of the banns, and then confession again immediately before the wedding.

For if the confession is not made till shortly before the wedding, the following difficulties may arise: 1. _The penitent may not be disposed or cannot be rendered disposed._ The confessor will certainly do everything which zeal for souls and the light of grace suggest, in order to dispose the penitent for the worthy reception of absolution. But if the disposition remains doubtful, despite all his endeavors, he may absolve the penitent _sub conditione_, as the reception of the Sacrament of Matrimony is a sufficient reason for administering conditional absolution.[977] If his efforts to dispose the penitent remain fruitless,—the bridegroom, perhaps, being bad and wishing only to make a show of receiving the holy Sacraments, influenced by his better disposed bride, or by relations; or because he will not satisfy some necessary condition, such as avoiding some immediate occasion, making restitution, giving up an enmity,—the confessor must refuse absolution. Of course, such a person may not receive holy communion, and the confessor must tell him so. As to the reception of the Sacrament of Matrimony, there are two possible cases to consider: either he does not know that a state of grace is necessary for the lawful reception of this Sacrament, or he does know it. If he does not know it, and if the confessor is obliged to presume (knowing the penitent’s frame of mind) that he would not respect his admonition concerning the unlawful reception of the Sacrament of Matrimony in a state of mortal sin, he must leave him in his state of ignorance and _bona fides_, in order that he may not formally sin. If the penitent does know that it is not allowed to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony in mortal sin, the confessor should lay before him in forcible terms the enormity of the sacrilege of which he will be guilty, in order, if possible, to bring him to a better disposition. And if this is of no avail, he should admonish him with suitable prudence, to make an act of perfect contrition before the marriage, and to come to confession as soon as possible after it.[978]

2. Another difficulty arises when the penitent confesses a reserved sin from which the confessor cannot absolve. As here _gravis causa confitendi urget_, we are face to face with a case which was discussed earlier in this work and solved by St. Alphonsus, namely, that any priest can indirectly absolve from sins reserved to the bishop, and also from those reserved to the Pope, _si episcopus non possit adiri_; even when the sin is reserved _cum excommunicatione_.[979]

3. Finally, another difficulty may arise: the confessor may discover in the confessional an _impedimentum matrim. occultum ex causa infamante exortum_; the marriage for which all the preparations have been made cannot be postponed without disgrace and great detriment to the parties, and dispensation from the impediment cannot be obtained. Here the following circumstances have to be taken into consideration: (_a_) If both parties know the impediment, and have concealed it from a bad motive, they must, if possible, postpone their marriage till the dispensation has been obtained. If they are not willing to do this, the confessor must refuse them absolution. But if they are not able to postpone the marriage on account of the great disgrace or scandal which would result, and if they are otherwise in good dispositions, he can give them absolution; but he must instruct them that they have to be married before the priest, on the supposition that the Pope will dispense, then to live merely as brother and sister till the dispensation has been obtained;[980] after that they must repeat before him their consent to marry. He must tell them how this has to be done, make it as easy for them as possible, so as not to deter them. (_b_) If both parties are ignorant of the impediment, and are quite _bona fide_ and if the confessor cannot assume that they will live continently till the dispensation is procured, he should leave them in their ignorance, _bona fide_, and request a dispensation _pro foro interno_, then proceeding according to the rules for rendering valid an invalid marriage _in foro interno_; for it is better to let them commit material sins, than to furnish them with occasion for formal sins. (_c_) If only one of the two parties is aware of the obstacle, and, on account of the disgrace attaching to it, cannot reveal it to the other, a “_communissima et probabilissima sententia_” of the theologians teaches that the bishop can grant a dispensation in this case,[981] and recourse must, therefore, be had to him. If the latter is not possible, the confessor (or parish priest) can, according to what St. Alphonsus calls the “not unfounded” teaching of many theologians, declare “_ex Epikeia_” that the _lex impedimenti_ does not bind in this case, because it would be injurious. But the confessor must _pro securitate et ad salvandam reverentiam legibus Ecclesiæ debitam, quantocius_ apply to the Roman Penitentiary, or to the Ordinary who possesses the quinquennial faculties, in order to obtain a dispensation. But it is to be carefully observed that only a secret impediment, arising from a sin, is here in question; for in the case of a public impediment arising from no dishonorable cause, there is neither scandal nor disgrace, but only the inconvenience of postponing the marriage.[982] It depends entirely upon circumstances, since it is the duty of the pastor to instruct those about to marry, whether the confessor should give special suggestions and admonition in this last confession on the _usus matrimonii_,[983] explaining what is allowed to married people, and what is forbidden.[984] He may speak to them of the intention which, as Christians, they should have in this state; of matrimonial harmony and mutual love and fidelity. If the confessor deems it necessary, or advisable and beneficial, he will not fail in his zeal for souls to instruct his penitents concerning this matter, and to admonish them to lead a truly Christian family life, where sin and vice are carefully avoided, whilst God is being faithfully served. If matrimony is based upon this foundation, the husband and wife may confidently expect God’s abundant graces: if they depart from these principles, they will deprive themselves of this blessing.[985]

78. The Confessor’s Attitude toward Mixed Marriages.

The confessor will often have occasion to speak to penitents concerning mixed marriages, because they either wish to contract such a marriage, or have already done so. The following principles will serve him in this equally important and difficult matter.

I. Even if the essence of marriage is not destroyed by the obstacle of mixed religion, as in _disparitas cultus_, it falls short of the ideal. For marriage should not only represent the unity of the Church; it should, as much as is possible, produce this unity; now the Church is, in a special manner, _one_ through its faith. Conscious of this, and in view of the many great disadvantages which accrue from mixed marriages, the Church has always energetically protested against them. She has always taught that such a marriage is a reprehensible _communicatio in sacris_, that there is danger to the Catholic party of falling away from religion or of becoming indifferent to it, and that a proper education in the Catholic faith of children born from such marriage, if not exactly impossible, is certainly rendered very difficult, as the necessary coöperation is wanting, and opposition easily made by word and example.[986] In 1858 the Apostolic See anew admonished the bishops to deter the faithful from such mixed marriages.

Only by three conditions will the dangers of mixed marriages be, if not removed, at least reduced; and only under these three conditions does the Church, _præsertim ob privatas causas_, permit mixed marriages. These conditions are: (1) Both parties, especially the non-Catholic, must promise, ordinarily in writing and before witnesses, to bring up all their children in the Catholic religion (without distinction of sex). (2) The non-Catholic party must promise solemnly not to hinder in any way the Catholic party in the practice of his (or her) religion. (3) The Catholic must use every lawful means to effect the conversion of the heretical partner.[987]

From these three conditions the Church cannot recede,[988] for, as not only the ecclesiastical, but also the natural and the divine law, absolutely forbid that anybody expose himself or his offspring to the danger of perversion, it naturally results that these sureties should be prescribed and demanded, in order that together with the canonical precepts, the natural and divine law may not be criminally transgressed.[989] When these conditions are satisfied, and officially guaranteed[990] by a contract, dispensation from the _impedimentum mixtæ religionis_ may then be requested from the bishop, and given by him in virtue of the usual faculties conferred upon him.

II. By these regulations of the Church, his _modus procedendi_ in the matter of a mixed marriage is mapped out for the priest or the confessor.

1. If the confessor receives information of an intended mixed marriage, he should emphatically dissuade from it, but with pastoral prudence, and without offensive words.

2. If his endeavors are of no avail, and if he cannot prevent the marriage, he must persuade the penitent to fulfill the stipulated conditions.

3. If the penitent agrees to this, the confessor will do well not to administer absolution at once unless there is some special reason for so doing (for example, the fulfilment of a commandment of the Church, necessity of communicating, to prevent gossip, etc.), but let him urge that the consent of the non-Catholic party to the three conditions should first be obtained.

4. When this consent is obtained, there is no obstacle to the absolution of the penitent.

5. But if the penitent will not consent to the fulfilment of the three conditions, but still intends to contract the mixed marriage, he purposes to commit a grave sin, and cannot be absolved. For he who, without obtaining a dispensation from the _impedimentum mixtæ religionis_, contracts a mixed marriage before a non-Catholic minister, is guilty of three grave sins: he disobeys the Church; he endangers the salvation of the children which God may give him; he is _hæreseos fautor_, guilty of a _communicatio in sacris_, and incurs ecclesiastical censure.[991]

III. Concerning the reconciliation of those persons who, in disobedience to their Church, have contracted a mixed marriage before a non-Catholic minister, the confessor must be guided by the following principles:—

1. It is certain that a Catholic having contracted marriage before a Protestant clergyman cannot be absolved as long as he remains unwilling to make good the above-mentioned conditions. Even if the refusal of absolution does not produce its immediate effect (the fire of passion obscuring the light of conscience), it, nevertheless, instills salutary fear. But it would be very wrong on the part of the confessor to wound such a penitent by harshness and reproaches. The confessor (parish priest) must take all pains to bring such penitents to a consciousness of their error.[992]

2. But if the penitent truly repents of his error, and if he is ready to make good the scandal given, and to take immediate steps towards bringing up his children as Catholics, he is worthy of absolution and it may not be refused to him.

3. It is, above all, necessary to find out if the marriage was valid according to the Decree _Tametsi_. If the marriage has been invalidly contracted, a dispensation from the _impedimentum mixtæ religionis_ and from the banns is to be sought; and when this is obtained, according to the regulations of the Church, the consent is to be renewed. If this renewal of consent cannot be effected, _sanatio in radice_ must be requested.[993] If the marriage is valid, dispensation is not necessary.

4. Moreover, the _facultas absolvendi a censuris propter hæresim_ must be obtained. For the censure reserved _speciali modo_ to the Pope is, according to an explicit decision of Rome, incurred in _all cases_ by those _qui matrimonium coram ministro hæretico ineunt_; even when the existence of censure was not known to the parties, because it is a question of the _forum externum_, and the contract of marriage is, of its nature, an external act. By virtue, however, of the quinquennial faculties, the bishop can absolve from this censure, or confer this power _subdelegando_ upon others. The confessor must, therefore, refer the penitent to the parish priest, in order that the latter may procure from the bishop the _facultas absolvendi a censuris pro foro externo_. Not till then can the confessor give sacramental absolution.

Only when, from _special reasons_, determined by the circumstances, an _absolutio in foro externo_ would not be advisable, may the confessor apply for the _facultas absolvendi a censuris pro foro interno_, and administer this absolution after he has obtained the faculty. We add that absolution from the censure _in foro externo_ can take place without witnesses, and that it is not necessary to make use of definite words at the absolution _in utroque foro_, but it is always necessary to declare that the absolution is administered by virtue of special powers from the Holy See, subdelegated by the bishop.

Married people who were allowed to receive the Sacraments before the promulgation of the answer of the Holy Office, 18 May, 1892, requiring the _absolutio a censuris pro foro externo_, are not to be disturbed.

5. The confessor should also help a penitent of this kind to keep his resolution of bringing up his children as Catholics, by showing him what steps he must take. He should encourage him to overcome possible difficulties which may occur. This will be easier for the Catholic father than the mother. If the children have reached an age when they are removed from parental authority, the Catholic party must at least promise to exert its influence by prayer, exhortation and good example, to gain the children for the Catholic Church.[994]

Of course the confessor must demand that the penitent should inform his parish priest of his resolution to bring up the children in the Catholic faith. Only very weighty grounds should induce the confessor to refrain from exacting this, and then he would be obliged to apply to his Ordinary for advice.

6. It may also be the case that a woman repents of the step which she took, but which she cannot now retrace, not being able, in spite of her good will, to induce her husband to consent to the Catholic education of the children. It would be hard, in such a case, to leave her unassisted. The repentance which she has evidenced, the willingness which she has shown (and which will continue) to repair as far as possible the harm done; the efforts which she may have already made; the promise to influence husband and children by the means at her disposal—prayer, a good life, words of advice—suffice for her to be admitted to the Sacraments. This satisfies the demands which the Holy Office in Rome makes in such cases.[995]

7. If the confessor believes that there is reason for doubting the sincere and earnest will of penitents who are joined by an illicit mixed marriage, he is free to make inquiry, and, according to the nature of the case, to postpone absolution for a time. It is always well not to admit such penitents to the holy Sacraments shortly after contracting the illicit marriage, unless they have guaranteed the Catholic education of their children in a manner which satisfies the ecclesiastical regulations; unless, moreover, they show sorrow for their lapse from duty, and by faithful performance of their religious obligations, effectually prove that they wish to be obedient to the Catholic Church in future. Persons who are dangerously ill, emigrants, etc., of course, constitute exceptions to this rule.

8. An illicit marriage contracted by a Catholic before a non-Catholic minister is a public act and causes public scandal; the satisfaction must, therefore, as a rule, be made publicly. The confessor must not overlook this, lest he make himself an accomplice in the scandal, and lest this dreadful evil of our days (for such mixed marriages are in reality, especially when contracted without dispense) be rendered more numerous, by want of due severity in the conditions of reconciliation. As public acts of reparation may be regarded: an oral or written declaration of sorrow before the parish priest; the promise of bringing up their children as Catholics made to the pastor. The confessor should follow the directions which may have been given by his bishop in this matter, and if there are none, he must proceed with pastoral prudence and charity. It may happen that, in the place where the Sacraments are to be received, the scandal given is not known, the parties having changed their place of residence. In this case the reconciliation may take place in all privacy. The confessor should not forget in such cases that the salvation of souls is the highest law.

79. How to deal with Penitents joined in “Civil” Marriage only.

The confessor’s treatment of _penitents living in “civil” matrimony_ must be essentially different from the above.

Here the chief question is whether there is a real _consensus maritalis_; that is, whether the persons in question had the consciousness and intention of entering upon a true matrimonial relationship by the declaration which they made before the public official, or if they believed they were concluding an external agreement only and one not permanently binding upon the conscience. In the second place, the confessor must investigate if there are any—and what—impediments to marriage. If there are no diriment impediments, and if there was a true _consensus maritalis_ in those places where the Tridentine Decree “_Tametsi_” is not in force (therefore, where the _impedimentum clandestinitatis_ does not apply), such informal contract of marriage must be regarded as valid. On the other hand, these informal marriages are ecclesiastically invalid in all places where the Tridentine Decree is in force, on account of the “_impedimentum clandestinitatis_.” The confessor must, however, in every individual case have recourse to the Ordinary.

Apart from this question of validity, all persons living in mere “civil” matrimony must be exhorted (if no obstacle from which there is no dispensation be in the way) to be married in _forma Tridentina_, and to receive the blessing of the Church. If difficulties arise in connection with this, the confessor should apply to the bishop, in order to obtain _sanatio in radice_, according to the circumstances.

A penitent living in “civil” marriage is not to be absolved till he has promised to be married in the Church and has actually made preparation for this marriage. Under particular circumstances—if the persons live apart—absolution can be given, even if the ceremony is postponed. Admission to holy communion must be deferred till immediately before the marriage.

80. The Confessor’s Conduct towards Women.

Occasion has already several times[996] presented itself for remarks concerning the confessor’s conduct when hearing the confessions of women. The importance of the subject demands for it special treatment. Amongst penitents women probably form nearly always the majority. However regrettable it may be that men so seldom, and often reluctantly, approach the tribunal of confession, it is a source of joy that women should be zealous in the reception of the holy Sacraments, for this justifies the hope that their influence upon their husbands and upon those around them will be the more salutary. The influence which a truly Christian woman exercises upon her husband, a mother upon her children, the mistress of a house upon her subordinates, is very great. Truly Christian, pious, and chaste young women are a real blessing in a family and a household. Moreover, woman is generally more inclined to the exercise of Christian piety, and can thus, if properly treated and guided, attain to great perfection.

Nevertheless, it is not to be overlooked that, owing to certain weaknesses and faults which are peculiar to their sex, the hopes of the confessor are not infrequently disappointed and his endeavors rendered fruitless. “Their piety may easily become a matter of feeling, without solidity and worth; they are much inclined to form an inordinate attachment for the confessor, which is perhaps not free from a sensual element. The practice of piety also easily serves as a means of gratifying vanity. Many are disposed to dissimulation and hypocrisy.”[997]

Hearing the confessions of women is thus indisputably one of the greatest and most imminent dangers for the confessor. He must, therefore, be very circumspect and prudent, reasonably fear this danger, for in this fear lies his safety; “he who fears this rock runs no danger of suffering shipwreck.”[998] These shortcomings ought not to mislead us into condemning the whole sex, as is sometimes wrongly done. This is unjust. We must help them to overcome their faults, and if no improvement results from our endeavors, suitable severity is to be employed.

Bearing in mind the exhortation (Eccl. lxi. 15): “_Curam habe de bono nomine_,” the circumspect and prudent confessor will have regard for his good name, and seek to preserve and guard it; not only remaining pure of heart, but preserving himself free from every suspicion of impurity, herein faithfully following the example of Our Lord, who patiently bore many an accusation leveled against Him, but never tolerated any on the subject of purity. For nothing detracts so much from a priest’s authority and efficiency as the suspicion that he is not absolutely clean of heart. Let the confessor, therefore, place a guard upon his eyes, let him never look at those who stand before his confessional, and never glance at the face of the person whose confession he hears; he should not try to find out who his female penitents are; it is sufficient for him to know the state of their souls. He should carefully avoid, as far as it is possible, all intercourse with them outside the confessional, not visiting them in their houses, except at times of severe illness; he should refuse _munuscula_ under whatever name they may be offered to him; he should confide no secrets to them, and avoid familiarity.[999] His words should be reserved, serious, respectful, even if the penitent’s station and circumstances do not actually command respect. When the priest hears the confessions of young women, and such as are distinguished by station, beauty, education, etc., he must still more carefully avoid familiarity. Concerning delicate matters the confessor should put only few questions, and then only with the greatest prudence, and content himself with knowing the nature of the sin, or its kind; he should carefully guard against inquiring after superfluous details.[1000]

The confessor must not lose sight of the dictates of prudence which have been discussed, when he hears the confessions of “_personæ spirituales_.” Here, as St. Alphonsus warns us,[1001] prudence is most necessary, on account of the _periculum majoris adhæsionis_. His teaching on this point is as follows: “_Dicebat Ven. P. Sertorius Capotus, diabolum ad conjungendas inter se personas spirituales, ab initio uti prætextu virtutis, ut deinde affectus a virtute transeat ad personam_,” and justifies this statement by a word of St. Augustine, which St. Thomas quotes (Opusc. 64 de Famil. Dom. etc.): “Speech with these persons must be short and reserved; it is not because they are more holy that one must be more on his guard, but because the holier they are, the more attractive they become.” And St. Thomas adds to these significant words of the holy Bishop of Hippo: “_Licet carnalis affectio sit omnibus periculosa ipsis tamen magis perniciosa, quando conversantur cum persona, quæ spiritualis videtur; nam quamvis principium videatur purum, tamen frequens familiaritas domesticum est periculum; quæ quidem familiaritas quanto plus crescit, infirmatur principale motivum et puritas maculatur._” He also adds that such persons do not observe this at once, _quoniam diabolus ab initio non emittit sagittas venenatas, sed illas tantummodo, quæ aliquantulum feriunt et augent affectum. Sed brevi hujusmodi personæ eo deveniunt, ut non amplius agant secum tanquam angeli, quemadmodum cœperant, sed tanquam carne vestiti; vicissim se intuentur mentesque sibi feriunt blandis allocutionibus, quæ adhuc a prima devotione videntur procedere: hinc alter alterius præsentiam incipit appetere; sicque spiritualis devotio convertitur in carnalem. Et quidem oh quot sacerdotes, qui antea erant innocentes ob similes adhæsiones, quæ spiritu cœperant, Deum simul et spiritum perdiderunt_.[1002]

In order to act with the necessary prudence, the confessor will (1) hear the confessions of women, as far as possible, only in the Church, or in some place which is always accessible for hearing confessions; (2) he will dispatch matters, especially with those who often confess; will not tolerate talk about subjects which do not belong to the confession, and will carefully avoid long exhortations and unnecessary questions.

The confessor must observe all this, and take all precautionary measures,—if he is young, because it is then particularly necessary, but also in more advanced years, and even in old age, in order to give others good example, and also because experience shows that even for those who are mature and old, the danger exists, though it be lessened. “If the confessor follows these precepts, he realizes in himself a miracle, which is one of the most beautiful proofs of the truth of the Catholic religion; the miracle, namely, that priests who preserve their hearts in the holy fear of God, hear the confessions of women for years without ever having to accuse themselves that their holy office has been for them an occasion of sin, even of one single sin.”[1003]

If the penitents are _married women_, let the confessor encourage and instruct them in the complete fulfilment of their duties towards their husbands, above all, their duty of matrimonial love, giving a good example, bearing faults with patience, and not ceasing, though their husbands have gone astray, to use every endeavor to reform them, especially by praying for them with indefatigable zeal. How many wives have saved their husbands by their patience, their loving, prudent exhortations, and their prayers.

If circumstances appear to call for it, let him admonish them to preserve matrimonial chastity, and warn against transgressions, pointing out that complete preservation of this matrimonial chastity is the very condition and foundation of lasting matrimonial happiness, and of eternal salvation.

He should not permit pious women to devote themselves to the exercises of piety, especially hearing Mass and frequent reception of the holy Sacraments, to such an extent that important household duties are thereby neglected, or members of the family aggrieved and irritated.

Finally, he must not be overready to believe complaints of wives about their husbands; but if he finds that the complaints are justified, he will tell the woman how to act and gravely comfort her. If she complains of the severity and bad temper of her husband, he must advise her to remain patient and obedient to him, to perform punctually every service which he desires, to show her love for him by the greatest willingness and kindness; to be silent when her husband is angry or intoxicated; not to drive him to still greater violence even when she suffers injustice; and admonish him affectionately when he has become calm, and sober, and good-humored, but not till then. She should answer her angry husband with meekness when she is _obliged_ to answer him, for a gentle answer turns aside wrath, whereas a harsh one only embitters.

The _mother_ will claim the confessor’s special zeal; he should expose to her the importance and responsibility of her duties, the obligation of admonishing and instructing her children in prayer, in attendance at Mass, reception of the holy Sacraments, and of correcting their faults; of warning and protecting her children against the dangers which threaten youth, of daily praying for them, of preventing dangerous intercourse with other persons, of not allowing children of different sex to sleep together, etc.

As so much depends upon the loyalty of _teachers, male and female_, to their duties the confessor will not fail to admonish them at all times to discharge faithfully these important and exalted duties, reminding them of their grave responsibility. Teachers should zealously instruct children in the truths of religion, always assisting the endeavors of the priest according to their capacity, and working with him; see that the education of the children is conducted upon Christian principles; give the children and the parish good example by conscientious discharge of their religious duties—attendance at Mass, reception of the holy Sacraments, and by their conduct in general. They must be encouraged to bear patiently the manifold, and by no means slight, hardships of their position. The confessor will also show constant interest in their work in the school.

The mistress of a house must be reminded by the confessor of the duties of Christian employers—the duty especially of having a watchful eye on the servants, not allowing them to go out late in the evening; of preventing male and female servants being together at unseasonable times; of treating servants in a Christian manner, and of giving them sufficient time to fulfill their religious obligations.

81. The Confessions of Men.

It is a deplorable fact that men approach the confessional more seldom than women, and especially since their position in life is more influential, and consequently a high degree of piety is particularly desirable in them, in order that this influence may be a salutary one. At the same time, they are exposed to greater dangers and temptations.[1004]

1. Men must, therefore, be more welcome to the confessor as penitents than women. St. Alphonsus bewails the fact that so many confessors spend a good part of the day in hearing the confessions of certain pious persons (_quas vulgo dicunt Bizocas_), and that when men or married women, who are weighed down with misery and distress, and who at a great sacrifice leave their homes and business, approach the confessional, the priest dismisses them, saying: “Go to some other confessor, I have too much to do”; and thus it comes to pass that such people live months and years without the Sacraments. This is not hearing confessions to please God, but rather to serve self-love. I know, and, in opposition to others who maintain that the time is wasted which is devoted to the confessions of these pious persons, I firmly hold that leading souls to perfection is a work very pleasing to God; but I assert also that good confessors who hear confessions only to please God (like St. Philip Neri, St. John of the Cross, and St. Peter of Alcantara) do not hesitate to prefer to these pious souls one whom they perceive to be in need of their help.[1005] What St. Alphonsus says in another place is also undoubtedly true, namely, that a perfect soul is more pleasing to God than a thousand imperfect ones; but for them there are other times and other occasions, and even leading souls to perfection does not demand such expenditure of time and care that others should be neglected. Moreover, such a manner of administering the Sacrament of Penance may easily give occasion to malevolent misconstructions and rumors, and thus scandalize the men who see themselves neglected.[1006] Hence men who come to confession must not be kept waiting long. The confessor should show himself ready to answer any call, even when the hour is unseasonable and troublesome to him. If there are both men and women who wish to confess, Frassinetti[1007] recommends hearing the men first; they generally have more important business than women, and are also as a rule more impatient. Women have more leisure and greater patience.

2. The confessor must always treat men courteously, “indeed with a certain affability, as if he considered himself particularly fortunate, and took a special pleasure in hearing their confessions.” Even if they belong to the lowest classes and are coarse and repulsive, he should always address them with politeness and kindness. “One can never show them too much love and friendliness, for it makes the best impression upon their minds, encourages them to make a good confession, and in course of time incites them to a more frequent reception of the Sacraments.”[1008]

3. The confessor must not speak of perfection to those who have no understanding for it. He must generally be content with instilling into their hearts hatred and detestation of mortal sin. “This is necessary, lest they regard him as what they call a ‘saint,’ and be afraid to come to him again.” But the confessor must not go too far in his indulgence, nor permit to the men who are his penitents, anything which might become a great danger for their souls; he must here be particularly careful concerning circumstances in their lives which are to them _occasiones proximæ_.

4. The confessor must urge them to fulfill their duties as Christian men faithfully, punctually, and fervently.

5. He should especially warn them against negligence in prayer, admonish them to observe Sundays and holy days conscientiously, and particularly to be present at sermons, as those who seldom or never hear a sermon will hardly persevere in a truly Christian life.

6. Then if it be opportune, he should enjoin moderation in drinking, in case they have been guilty of drunkenness.

7. If he has reason to doubt the firmness and integrity of their faith, in which they may be remiss, he must probe into the matter; perhaps he will have to censure the reading of bad newspapers, or the frequenting of doubtful society.

8. Upon husbands he should impress the duty of cultivating a loving and peaceable disposition towards their wives, and, if there is reason for it, the duty of avoiding all impropriety in married life. He should, especially, denounce the evil habit of carrying on improper talk in the presence of servants, companions, young people, and in the home circle.

9. Fathers should be earnestly admonished to assist their wives as much as possible in the work of education, and to set their children a good example in every respect.

82. The Confession of Nuns.[1009]

1. We have already stated that a priest requires special approbation from the bishop to hear the confession of nuns.[1010] But in order to discharge this office fruitfully, he must be well instructed and experienced in spiritual things, prudent, and possessed of great charity and patience. As already pointed out, proficiency in theology, especially in moral theology, is indispensable to all confessors; “but greater knowledge is necessary to the confessors of nuns, since the Church exercises greater care in selecting them.” Without solid knowledge, the unusual circumstances which may arise are often mismanaged and not rarely with fatal results. The confessor of nuns must possess an accurate knowledge of the spiritual and ascetic life, of the duties of religious in general,[1011] and of the particular obligations of the Order (or Congregation) to which the women committed to his care belong. First of all, distinction is to be made between nuns who lead a contemplative and those who lead an active life. The former are devoted in a special manner to the love of God, are far removed from the dangers of the world, and can more easily sanctify themselves; they also contribute toward the general welfare by their prayers; but they are tried by temptations and interior struggles. The others are not wholly withdrawn from the dangers of the world, as they are inevitably brought into contact with it by the exercise of the works of charity; society benefits much by their high merits. Both forms of life are ordained by God, and are of great use in the Church. Moreover, the separate Orders have their characteristics, corresponding to the particular object for which they were founded. With these, and with the constitutions of the Order, the confessor must be familiar.

But in _rebus spiritualibus_ he must not only possess theoretical knowledge, he must be _well experienced_ in them, “because _spiritualia_ cannot be rightly and perfectly understood without personal experience.” If this experience is not possessed, he will be a blind man leading the blind.[1012]

Supernatural love and patience are necessary to the confessor, in order that he may zealously further the spiritual progress of those committed to him, and bear with equanimity their faults, weaknesses, and deficiencies. And though only a few souls may be confided to his spiritual care, let him not forget that by the perfection of a few a greater honor is shown to God than by the imperfect endeavors and virtues of many. Let him also keep in mind that those who devote themselves to the service of God have to endure more temptations of every kind than others, and that he to whom the spiritual care of them is intrusted must bear no small portion of this burden with them. If, therefore, the confessor does not possess the supernatural love of God and his neighbor which enables him to sustain these trials, he is not suited for his office.

2. It must be his care that the nuns disclose to him the state of their consciences with full confidence; they must place great trust in their confessor, as he is almost their only refuge; and, like sheep without a shepherd, they will be exposed to many anxieties and temptations if this support fail them. He must, therefore, always show great patience and gentleness towards all, and if he perceive in a nun a certain shyness in the confessional which hinders her from making known her interior state, he must lend her special assistance in laying aside this shyness; but at the same time there is a certain kind of unnecessary tenderness which he should avoid in his whole demeanor.

3. It must also be his care that nuns observe their vows faithfully and perfectly, and adhere to the special rules and regulations of their institute; moreover, that they perform their exercises of piety with devotion and zeal, that their daily occupations are executed with a perfect intention, with frequent recollection of the presence of God. They must, therefore, be taught a good method of meditation and of the examination of conscience (_examen generale_ and _particulare_), the manner of receiving holy communion, making a good confession, hearing holy Mass, saying the Office, and other vocal prayers. All these things are generally provided, however, in the religious rule.

4. He must make it his concern that the nuns should advance in virtue. The following virtues are especially necessary for them: (_a_) the love of God, not a sensual love, but a strong love, one which urges to the fulfilment of the will of God, in all things, even the most difficult; (_b_) humility and modesty; (_c_) obedience to rules and to superiors; a sacrificing, cheerful, punctual obedience, which does not ask a reason for the command, but which, when no sin is apparent and certain, blindly submits itself; (_d_) love of the members of the community, which has for a practical result that they avoid wounding or grieving others, that offenses are gladly forgiven, faults patiently borne, and mutual assistance rendered, as far as is possible; (_e_) chastity, which avoids every dangerous attachment and familiarity.

5. The confessor should encourage and promote the authority of the Superioress of the convent, but not to such an extent that, if she should happen to be in error or to go beyond her powers, he should render himself inaccessible to the complaints of the subordinates; he should discourage the spirit of grumbling in the community, because authority is thereby weakened; but he should prudently weigh complaints which may be laid before him, to see if they are justified, and so remedy them; others he must dismiss.

6. In his capacity of confessor, he must observe the following points: (_a_) to associate with the nuns rather too seldom than too often, and if he is obliged to speak to them, let it be done as briefly as possible; (_b_) in answering questions submitted to him, he should not be too hasty, but in more important matters or cases of doubt, he should request time for consideration; (_c_) in the confessional he should show no weariness, no impatience, and no haste, for this lessens confidence in him; (_d_) he must not be immoderately disturbed, nor take scandal if he should hear a sin of greater gravity in the confessional, for he must remember that persons dedicated to God are subject to violent attacks from the evil one; let him, therefore, rather show pity than agitation, admonish the erring one with paternal earnestness, encourage her, reawaken her lost fervor, in order that by greater zeal and mortification she may atone for her error and avoid sin in the future; (_e_) he should be very careful to give no ground for any suspicion that he makes use of knowledge gained in the confessional, in his actions or words outside the confessional; (_f_) he must not interfere at all in the management of the house, nor in any matter which concerns the Ordinary or the Superioress, nor readily give advice in such things, but remain firmly and strictly within the limits of his office, looking after the spiritual welfare and the progress of his penitents. For this reason, he should introduce no innovations, and if, on weighty grounds some change appears desirable, it should not take place without the advice and consent of the Superioress and the greater part of the community; otherwise peace in the community will be destroyed.

7. The confessor must be especially on his guard against the following abuses, lest they creep in, and establish themselves: (_a_) everything which is detrimental to community life, or derogatory of the vow of poverty in any way, even if only in slight measure; (_b_) disobedience towards the Superioress, murmuring against her, complaining about her to the other sisters, aversion, etc.; (_c_) offenses against charity, even if these latter are common and not of grave nature; the confessor must not tolerate the least offense against charity which is committed with deliberation, and he must firmly insist upon reconciliation and suppression of antipathies; (_d_) particular friendship, even if there be no danger connected with it, is to be avoided, for it divides the heart, hinders familiar intercourse with God, lessens the love of the community, and gives occasion to complaints and recriminations; (_e_) familiarity with, or voluntary intercourse with, persons not belonging to the house; this causes great dangers, and weakens the religious spirit. The confessor must, therefore, strictly insist upon the inclosure being observed, and upon the portress being thoroughly trustworthy. If there are nuns whose duties oblige them to be in contact with the world, or who are occupied out of the house attending to the sick, the confessor must see that danger of sin does not result to any one of them through this occupation; (_f_) lukewarmness and spiritual sloth; the confessor must direct his endeavors to prevent drooping of the first ardor, and to encourage the practice of true piety; he should, therefore, insist that the prescribed recollections take place regularly and are well observed; also that there is a Retreat every year, or at least every two years.