Chapter XXI

FASHIONABLE DEBTS AND FASHIONABLE DIPLOMATISTS.

"In days not altogether halcyon, I had a venerable great-uncle, a quaint specimen of human infirmity, the singularity of the parish. Though eccentric at times, he was not destitute of good qualities. These, had they been properly applied, might have served to distinguish him among men in what is pedantically called the higher walks of life. But he had a fault, and one that is very unpopular even at this day: he would get vexed at the short-comings of his neighbors, at whom he would level truths exceedingly unpalatable. Indeed, he never failed to put very keen edges on his sayings. Even now, I have the old man in my mind's eye, as in the hey-day of youth my boyish fancy sported with his infirmities. Never shall I forget his slender, stooping figure; his bright bald crown, curtained with locks that pended snowy over his coat collar; his weeping, watchful eye; his tottering mien; his high and furrowed brow, lengthening a sharp, corrugated face; his blunt, warty nose, made more striking by a sunken mouth and the working motion of his lower jaw; and his crutch, for he was a cripple. They left a deep impression on my mind. I speak of him as he was in the dawn of his eightieth summer--when pale blue spots bespread his hands, and his bony fingers he would when excited frisk across the polished crown of his head. His great hobby was his knowledge of diplomacy. And, too, he was forever talking about the affairs of the nation, and would not unfrequently get put out with the whole parish, because it withheld from him, he said, that deference his experience was entitled to. He had, many years ago, been in some way attached to the diplomatic corps, which he ever after regarded with a sort of religious awe; and whenever a strange fit came over him he would do something he said was to prop up its dignity, of which none could be more jealous. I have, known him declare, that to maintain untarnished the character of the polite corps, he would swear by its virtue and his crutch. He would not have it held in suspicion by the vulgar world, and would go straight into a fit of sickness at the news of one its members doing aught to sully the fair name he described it as possessing. Sometimes I thought my great-uncle had been attached to some foreign mission in the mean capacity of butler, or footman, for he was scrupulous of his bow, had an excellent taste for wine, and would spend much valuable time in bringing to light and brushing, and then putting carefully away again, certain velvet inexpressibles of great brightness, and richly embroidered waistcoats, of wonderful length. 'These,' he would say with an air of exultation, 'have a mysterious but mighty influence in changing and directing the affairs of powerful nations.' He had also a boyish fondness for displaying a lithograph of the Countess Hopenpap's family arms, presented, he said, by that august lady to the legation, of which he had the honor of being a member, and from thence stolen by Thomas, footman in ordinary to the establishment. For this heinous offence, Thomas, though his knowledge of etiquette was invaluable to the mission (the gentlemen up stairs always fashioned their bows after his!), was discharged, having been detected in the act of offering it for sale at the counter of a dealer in old clothes.

"On the other hand, there was that about my great-uncle which completely overthrew the suspicion of his having been a kitchen diplomatist: he was an excellent judge of dancing, and what stronger evidence of his forming one of the polite body up-stairs, does the reader want? In addition to this,--he not only discoursed glibly about diplomacy, but sagaciously gave out that he would turn his back to no one in his knowledge of treaties; which said knowledge, and his crutch, he was always ready to swear by. Those great brass buttons with the eagles, and his blue small clothes, too, he wore to the day of his death. The parish had a feeling that no fourth of July could be celebrated without him; and I well remember how on that day I used to think him rather too fond of laying his crutch over the heads of all who differed with him on a question of state policy. My readers will please understand that I have no particular interest in raising the question as to whether my great uncle got his knowledge of diplomacy up-stairs or in the kitchen. The fruits of my research would neither be interesting here, nor serve the object I have in view. Enough is it to know that he would now and then get into a funny vein, and in the outpouring of his child-like enthusiasm, let out some exceedingly rich jokes, touching the manner in which certain gentlemen paid their, to him, most fashionable debts. And, although the old man did at first seem himself to enjoy the recital, he was as sure to end in a great passion. And with every deference to the feelings of certain of Mr. Pierce's gentry, who have so recently figured upon the stage of London and Paris fashionable life, I may add that he would testily declare nothing would so please him as to cudgel every diplomatic dandy that brought disgrace upon his country abroad and left his countrymen to bear the smart. Indeed, he once honestly admitted that foreigners were just foolish enough to look for exponents of our national character among our representatives. If they were not inclined to form the most exalted opinion of it through that test, it was because they never once took into consideration the nature of the accomplishments necessary to our office-holders, at the door of which the blame lay. My great-uncle said that it was not that two or three conducted themselves in a manner unbecoming their positions, but, that, representing us in a national capacity, they saddled the responsibility on their honester fellow-countrymen. This, to me, had something about it I could not clearly understand; but I have since thought that if my eccentric uncle had lived to this day, and been in possession of his crutch, a reckoning with General Pierce had been the result. Either he had made the splinters fly, or that worthy gentleman's ear tingle with certain facts relative to the manner in which his gentry have strutted upon the stage we have before mentioned. I say this of the old man because his regard for the feelings of the nation was almost equal to his reverence for the diplomatic body. And I am sure he, in the earnestness of his soul, had prayed Mr. Pierce to take into his pious consideration the means of remedying an evil so gross as that of his diplomatists making it the fashion of paying their debts with that sacred character the comity of nations has granted all missions. He would have told General Pierce that he was but a man, whose little day would soon pass on the wheel of time, but that the country had a name to maintain among the nations, an exacting posterity to account to! Will his men in the bye-ways have done anything to which it may recur with pride? The stages we have twice named can answer.

"The story of Mr. Secretary Bolt, as facetiously related by my great-uncle, when in one of his funny moods, may not be inappropriate here, inasmuch as it bears a strong resemblance to certain realities perpetrated at this day, but which my habitual modesty forbids me transcribing here.

'Of Bolt, morally,' my great-uncle would say, 'nothing have I to say.' This said, he would rub his hands awhile, and then continue: 'He was correct of person--extremely so--had fine limbs, was tall of stature, courtly in his movements, spoke with great preciseness, and a clear, musical accent; had model features, was not a little vain of them, and always employed a tailor prince, who dressed him with exact taste, but at an enormous cost. His motion, too, was as graceful as needs be; indeed nature had done well her part, lavishing on his person a goodly number of those endowments so necessary to a modern diplomatist, whose chief function is to ornament the drawing-room, and create a flutter among certain of the fair sex. You must understand that in Europe, as well as America, the corps diplomatic rules the roost of fashion, and, in addition to its enrolling within its precious precincts numbers of the legitimate aristocracy, creates a great fluttering among that of a more doubtful hue, who seek it and worship it as the idol of their ambition. It always reminded me of birds with weak minds permitting themselves to be charmed by snakes. However, be this as it may, the knowing ones of York State (Bolt was a three-quarter blood Dutchman, and from that State!) declared it no scandal, when they said his great popularity with the ladies more than made up for his lack of law knowledge. Honester people said, if his mind was not exactly Websterian, there could not be a doubt that nature had intended him for the profession of diplomacy rather than one requiring more profound thought. His make-up was unexceptionable, his smile exquisite. Then he had dark moustaches, which he would gracefully finger into such an exact curve; and he had his small whiskers so neatly combed, and every hair on his head lay in unexceptional smoothness. The legation was not a little proud of Bolt, and on drawing-room days, when he blazed out in his gold lace and sword, would delight in watching the many dark, languishing eyes that would ogle him over the down of gorgeous fans. Bolt was not dead to this admiration, for we learned, from the constant wandering of his eye, that he rather appreciated his own popularity. For a lady to say she did not admire Mr. Secretary Bolt, was strong evidence of her want of taste. I do not choose to enlighten the world as to how Bolt came to be Secretary of Legation!' Here the old man would make a desperate flourish with his crutch, by which I was led to believe that the means were none of the cleanest; in fact that they were of a character very similar to those used at this day, and to which may be traced the cause of certain of Mr. Pierce's diplomatists having so distinguished themselves in Europe. 'Zounds!' the old man would continue, testily making a cross on the floor with his crutch, 'a desperate set was soon made on our Bolt by that little world of fashion and intrigue which, lizard-like, crawls about our Legations, and did more particularly so about the one he honored with his handsome person. The Countess of Longblower, very distinguished (according to the gossip of the kitchen), and wife of the celebrated Earl of that name, took him at once into the velvet of her good graces. Here, after a little ripening at the hands of Samuel, the polite footman in ordinary, he shone out the star of her small but wonderfully select firmament. There were suspicious whisperings and some scandal concerning what afterwards took place between my lady and Bolt; but as scandal and diplomacy seemed inseparable to an European atmosphere, we as noiselessly as possible laid the charge at the door of a certain sin.' Here he would fling down his crutch. 'The Countess's carriage was forever at the door, waiting the pleasure of Mr. Secretary Bolt; he had a plate reserved at her table; he was the Adonis of her drawing-room; there was a seat for him in her opera-box. In the front of the latter, facing the stately front of her ladyship, one of her sweetest smiles forced over her hard face, sat the handsome Bolt, now playing with the tassel of her fan, then passing upon the Cavatina a sort of rosewater approval. He had a fund of small talk always at hand, and as her mightiness was extremely fond of such wares, so also did Bolt become a very agreeable person. The Countess, too, would smile so condescendingly, and keep up such a conversation with her eyes, now and then glancing at the Earl, who dozed at a respectful distance in the rear. If unexpectedly he exhibited signs of consciousness, Bolt would immediately divert the subject by passing some facetious criticisms on the rotundity of the primadonna. And then my lady would chime in, having enjoyed her laugh: 'Your lordship never did enjoy anything.' The Earl's nap over, and the last act near its close (her highness never condescended to remain for the vulgar ballet, and generally retired at the close of the fourth act), our hero would tenderly arrange her satin, make himself so polite! and then she took his arm so condescendingly, and exchanged the sweetest glances! How often I pitied the poor Earl, as in the mightiness of his gravity he would bring up the rear, bearing her ladyship's perfumed cambric. Several times a tingle of wrath came over me, and I could not resist the thought, that had I been in the place of the poor Earl when my lady hung so rolickingly on the arm of Secretary Bolt, and sailed with such an affected youthfulness through the grand hall, to the no small danger of all muslin dresses in the way, my crutch had served as a means to separate them. The old man, with weeping eyes, would now finger his bandanna and resume his crutch. And then Samuel, in the full blaze of his livery, would stand conspicuously at the grand entrance, and ere her highness's head loomed out at the top of the great stairs, announced her coming in a voice that seemed to strike dismay into all unliveried bystanders.'

"One thing Secretary Bolt would, do that always displeased me, as did everything that tended to lower the dignity of the corps. It was this:--My lady loved dearly her drives in the park, and took them nearly every day, at the most fashionable hour of five. Bolt, in cloth exquisite, had always his seat at her side, where his special office seemed that of nursing her favorite poodle and smoothing the Earl, who on the front seat sat with icy straightness, all over with cheap compliments. This was all very fine as far as it went! Being proud of Bolt, as I have before related, we generously overlooked in him those errors which are rather the result of vanity than the natural offspring of an imperfect education. But we, as a nation have a worthy aversion to paying a dear price for the maintenance of dignity; hence Bolt, whose salary was but a paltry pittance in an atmosphere of singular extravagance, soon found himself becoming involved for the adjuncts necessary to such a connection. A happy thought, however, soon flashed across his mind: was he not protected by the sacred character of the mission? Of course he was!--away all misgivings! What was the contemplation of such dreary matter to the pleasing recollection of those fair ones whose hearts he had made flutter! And then, not a day passed but he received no end of pretty missives, perfumed and enveloped with curiously wrought lace, and virtuous satin,--all bearing the tenderest burdens of love and despair. Bolt was indeed fairly set upon by rival candidates for his heart, which was supposed to possess a large portion of susceptibility. Nor were his admirers merely confined to the satin and velvet of the aristocracy, for 'pretty Betty,' maid of all work to the Legation, and on that account so vain of the honor that she would not condescend to associate with servants not attached to the corps, was by Thomas, a wonderfully sagacious footman, discovered to be the writer of an highly scented missive, directed as an arrow at the heart of Bolt. That this little shaft of the tender passion contained some truly original lines the enlightened cannot doubt; and I think I may assert without fear of contradiction that Betty did in these lines, notwithstanding they evinced a sovereign contempt for orthography and versification, discover a deep knowledge of diplomacy. I say this for the reason that her diction could be construed to mean anything but what she intended; albeit there was such an openness about it generally that any clever gentleman might walk in at the back door. I thought it highly creditable in Betty to attempt a thing so mighty as the conquest of Bolt's heart--indeed there was an admirable heroism about it; but it caused a great flutter in the kitchen, where the sensitive Thomas brought forward a motion for her extradition. Thomas would not for the world have the character of gentlemen up stairs sullied by vulgar hands.

"'Bolt had scarcely reached the full blaze of his glory when a series of material obligations truly alarming commenced; and as I then regretted the manner in which he discharged them, so am I now less ashamed to relate them than sorry for their existence on the page of the past. As nearly all Bolt's acquaintances had carriages, it seemed imperative on him to follow their example, which he was not long in doing. And this item of expense necessarily entailed that of two very worthy gentlemen--viz.: Mr. Fripp the coachman, and Mr. Still the footman--without whom no turn-out can be considered complete. Well, these worthy personages were put in possession of the carriage, but scarcely a week had passed before a great deficiency was discovered. Messrs. Fripp and Still had acted in similar capacities to my Lady Brackenbridge, and now declared it beneath their dignity to remain in a service not honored with livery. They laid their grievance before Bolt, who, appreciating the deficiency, forthwith ordered the requisite plush and cockades, to the no small joy of those worthies. If you ask me the cost of these adjuncts so necessary to a very fine gentleman, my answer is that I cannot enlighten you; and this for the very reason, that the cost of an article depends very much on the manner in which you pay for it.'

"As my great-uncle said this he would grasp tighter his crutch and look wrathfully about the room for a seat. 'Bolt!' he would continue, having adjusted his shabby drab hat, 'soon learned that in Europe tradesmen are exceedingly impressible, and notwithstanding they are held in utter contempt by the fine gentlemen of the diplomatic world, will be their humble servant to any amount, asking no other security than the, to them, immaculate character of the mission. I do not mean to say that Bolt made such facilities a study; nor would I be understood as casting a sneer at the diplomatic body in general, but when modern instances prove notorious facts, how can I turn a deaf ear to the belief that our diplomacy has embodied another function?--that of practising the most fashionable way of paying the most fashionable debts. Pardon this little digression. There was a never ending demand for Bolt's custom. Mr. Peppers, the distinguished jeweller of Regent street, would fill his order to any amount; Broadwood & Willow, tailors in ordinary to Her Majesty, always had a newly arrived fashion, the senior partner knew his honor would be pleased with; Dole, the wine merchant, who counted his customers among the first nobility of the land, sent a list of his very best importation, humbly soliciting an order. And as Mr. Secretary Bolt had not the least objection to being driven into dignity, he would order all sorts of things, from a diamond bracelet down to a tin tea-pot for Mrs. Loveleather the laundress. It was wonderful to see how credulous these tradesmen gentry were, and how they would chuckle over an order from one of the legation. But I must here say that Bolt found a clever diplomatist in Thomas, who was one of the best brought up servants in Picadilly. Thomas had no end of accomplishments, and as a certain vice in a servant is necessary to certain poor aristocracy and deeply involved diplomatists, so also could he lie with a facility truly incredible. If the history of Bolt's wealth, as related to certain tradesmen by Thomas, could be handed down to posterity, I fear my friend Cresus would find himself eclipsed. This it must be borne in mind was before Thomas found himself dismissed for purloining the family arms of the Countess Hopenpop. And while on the subject of purloining propensities let me here say that I fear the vice of stealing family arms did not end with Thomas, but was transmitted by some of his more fortunate brethren up stairs to certain diplomatic gentry of Mr. Pierce's choice, else how comes it that they, notoriously plebian, made cockades and carriage doors bear strange devices.'

"My uncle continued: 'While as many as fifty good gossipers predicted daily the marriage of Bolt to some aristocratic belle, there came along a lady of the name of Mrs. Bolt. This person, whose name Mr. Bolt had been extremely careful not to lisp, caused a desperate sensation among his admirers. My Lady Longblower was seen to cool away like liquid tallow, while not a few who had been equally fervent just before, said it was a very impertinent thing in Mr. Bolt. But as that gentleman took a more philosophical view of the matter he returned the compliment by introducing his lady to several of those damsels who had but a few days before themselves hoped to win his heart. Indeed the arrival of Mrs. Bolt, though it brought things to a more legitimate platform, did not in the least lessen his material responsibilities. Mrs. Bolt must have more fashionable apartments; there was that splendid diamond bracelet at Peppers'? she must have that rich honitan cape and accompaniments at Stebbin's? drawing-room day was approaching, and nothing less than one hundred and fifty guineas would suffice to purchase the dress she would be presented in; Madame Lacelooper, milliner and dressmaker to the Court, urged the necessity of her orders being in at an early day; and she must have that set of furs at Orchard's, and Mr. Bolt must give a brilliant introduction party. Many as were the poor fellow's previous wants Mrs. Bolt's arrival seemed to increase them four-fold. Nor would it have done for him to have intimated a necessity for retrenchment, inasmuch as she was equally determined to keep up the dignity of the establishment, and would not hear a word about limitation in anything. The poor fellow now began to think a time was coming when his diplomacy would be put to the test. He, too, had an eye to a little popularity at home, liked to be thought well of by his fellow-citizens, who, when abroad invariably want to see all the sights and dine with their Minister, and to that end gave them dinners and sundry other little things. Everything except his salary Bolt found enlarged, and as his time had been principally taken up with the issuing of orders, so was it thereafter to be arranging certain payments. Isaacs, the Hebrew gentleman who took corners of advance checks for the convenience of his very aristocratic friends was seen frequently about the premises, looking very serious. Six months passed and circumstances were changed with Bolt. The Countess Longblower no longer permitted him to sit at her side and play with the poodle; his fair admirers had lost all their compliments; and it became absolutely necessary that Mrs. Bolt return to the more humble precincts of her home on the other side of the water. When Peppers called for that trifle of ninety-seven guineas--pay for that necklace that shone so about Mrs. Bolt's neck when at Court--it was curious to see how the genius of Mr. Bolt would come out; and how in conjunction with Thomas' sagacity quite a comedy of sharps would be played. Thomas tended door, was rather sleepy of countenance, but could assume an air of great consequence, and would receive his importuning visitor with unexceptional bows. 'Peppers I think you said?' Thomas would politely inquire, smoothing his chin reflectively, giving his ear a knowing cant, and concluding by whisking his fingers through his powdered hair. 'Mr. Peppers presents a little affair this morning;' he would announce blandly, having left the gentleman standing in the hall. Mr. Bolt, who occupied a sumptuous arm-chair in the parlor, and generally sat reading leisurely the Morning Post, would receive this announcement with some change of countenance. 'Peppers! Peppers!' he would reiterate, Thomas watching his every movement. 'Blast the fellow--he's a perfect torment'--Thomas would interrupt by inquiring if he should bow the individual out. 'Say, Thomas,' he would rejoin, 'that we are engaged to-day studying treaties and cannot be disturbed--that he must call at a future day.' Mr. Bolt would with great complacency, turn to a more comfortable position in his great chair. Thomas always executed his mission with great skill, informing the unfortunate individual that a little misunderstanding having broken out between the two nations, the Legation was extremely busy in the study of treaties, and could not be disturbed. Having digested this piece of information rather doggedly, Mr. Thomas would politely bow the gentleman into the street, watching his departure through the side lights. Another time, when Broadwood called for that trifle, having a deal of ready money to make up, it was despatch day; and upon the same principle despatch day came so often that people began to think the Great Republic engaged in one eternal controversy with the nations of Europe. Bolt never could be seen on despatch days. The man with the bill for the tin-teapot was alike unsuccessful; the gentlemen up-stairs walled themselves up in despatch days, while Thomas politely bowed out all-importuners. They were a scurvy lot, and might have known better! Mr. Bolt thought, as he contemplated the sacred character of the mission. I well remember how I laughed once, when Madame Lacelooper's man of business drove Mr. Secretary Bolt, as I thought, into close quarters. Thomas, in order to somewhat diversify his apologies, had three different times satisfied this person by informing him that the gentlemen of the Legation were in consultation with the Prime Minister; but this time he was determined to see for himself, and regardless of Thomas' assurance pushed his way into the presence of Mr. Bolt, who I need scarcely add was extremely put out. 'I ask your honor's pardon' spoke the man; 'you always come,' petulantly interrupted our hero, 'when we are in a uproar.' The man replied with a bow, that it was the first time he had gained an audience. He came from Madame Lacelooper's, and would be extremely glad if Mr. Bolt could make it convenient to discharge that little account, which had stood over for some time. It was only two hundred and fourteen pounds, he said, in reply to a question from Mr. Bolt, who encouragingly took the missive from his hand. 'Thank you--thank you!' the man continued, evidently encouraged as our hero cast his eye over the long list of items, so neatly carried out with heavy numbers of pounds, shillings, and pence. 'Rather heavy;' sighed the astonished Secretary. 'I suppose you have orders for all these little affairs?' The man replied that he would have them forthcoming if necessary--that Madame Lacelooper's was one of the most respectable establishments. With a gracious bow, reaching his hand for a book which the expectant gentleman mistook for a bank-book, Mr. Bolt replied that it was on that account he gave it his patronage. The gentleman thanked him for the honor, and hoped he would continue his favors. And while this little episode was performing in the great parlour, Mr. Thomas was exercising his skill in diplomacy at the door--informing gentlemen that Mr. Bolt was engaged over important State affairs, and politely bowing them out.'

"'Then Mr. Bolt having worked the gentleman's anxiety up to the highest pitch, would take up his great gold pen, and on a piece of whitest paper, figure, and figure, and figure, multiply and subtract, contort his face and nervously frisk his fingers through his curly black hair. It was all to no purpose, however he could not twist the plaguy figures into a favorable balance. In fact the balance, despite all his diplomacy, would get on the wrong page. At length, having exhausted patience and found language to adapt himself to circumstances, with great blandness of manner he would beg the gentleman, convey his compliments to Madame Lacelooper, and say that her little matter will be discharged at a future day. His balance, he was surprised to find, did not enable him to meet it today; and he further regretted that a very disagreeable affair having sprung up between the Emperor of the French and his government, requiring for a few days all the attention of the establishment, deprived him of the opportunity of repairing to his banker's for the purpose of enlarging his deposit. Ordering an attendant to bring in the treaties of 1812, he added how sorry he was to give Madame Lacelooper, for whom he entertained the highest regard, so much trouble. Legations were peculiarly situated at times, he said. In reply to an intimation from the gentleman in waiting, he said, gentlemen of the diplomatic corps never paid in piecemeal. Here Thomas would put an end to the comedy by announcing the arrival of the '_Minister for Foreign Affairs_,' and politely bowing out the retiring gentleman, who, you may well imagine, maintained a reluctant gravity. There was no end of these little diplomatic comediettas, while Bolt honored the mission with his presence, ending in what was long afterwards esteemed a capital joke, which, though somewhat against my feelings, I will confidentially relate. Bolt had named a certain day when all his little affairs would positively be arranged, and this dawned of a calm and sunny autumn morning, when everything about the Legation seemed to repose in peace and quietness--when wars and obdurate creditors were forgotten, and we plumed ourselves on the happy issue of several important international questions. One very important member of the corps, however, seemed to have something of great importance evolving in his mind; this was the sagacious Thomas, who paced the hall with more than ordinary superciliousness, now and then arranging his livery in the mirror. About eleven o'clock there came a great gathering of serious-looking individuals at the hall door; among them the quick eye of Thomas discovered the following very respectable gentlemen, viz.:--Broadwood, of the firm of Broadwood & Willow; Dole, the distinguished wine merchant; Staple, the bootmaker; Madame Lacelooper's man of business; and Peppers, the jeweller. The opening of the door was succeeded by a great rush. Having expressed some surprise at their mistake in calling so early, Thomas received his visitors with his customary equanimity, and begged to remind them that three o'clock was the hour appointed for the interview between themselves and Mr. Bolt. Here he threw a sly wink at Peppers, which that gentleman rendered into an intimation to remain, while he politely bowed the remainder out. 'Wonderful assurance, these fellows have,' said Thomas, turning to Peppers, who began to think he was all right, 'they won't learn etiquette.' As he concluded he turned to have a view through the side-light at his friends outside, who hung contemplatively about the door, then addressing the inside gentleman--'Peppers, I think you said?' he continued, working his lips and smoothing his chin with the fingers of his right hand. That gentleman bowed affirmatively as Thomas advanced a few steps toward the parlor door, and then hesitated, as if in a deep study. 'Peppers, Peppers, Peppers!' he accented somewhat curiously, until the creditor had well nigh lost his patience in suspense. 'I beg your pardon, sir!' (Thomas faced about with an entirely altered face), but, may I, ah!--hem,--you see; there is a small affair in the way, Mr. Peppers. The truth is, Mr. Bolt has ceased his connection with this establishment.'

"'I must see him, nevertheless,' replied the obdurate creditor, permitting his suspicions to get the better of his judgment. 'If you do,' rejoined Thomas, bowing, 'you may have a longer drive than is agreeable at this season of the year.'

"'You don't mean to tell me that he has left?' demanded Peppers, stamping his foot, and allowing himself to become generally excited. 'Now, my friend,' Thomas replied in the coolness of his nature, making a motion to open the street door, 'just take the matter like a philosopher; don't let such little affairs trouble a man of your standing. The fact is, between the sundown of one day, and rosy dawn of another, our gallant Secretary just stepped out--that is, Mr. Bolt has bolted!' Thomas bowed him politely out, and I leave you to judge how many indignant threats were thrown out by Peppers, and what occurred when he related the climax to his fellow-creditors, who having a suspicion that all was not right, waited his appearance among them at the corner of an adjacent street, against the lamp-post of which they entered a protest deep and solemn. My great-uncle having concluded his story, adjusted his crutch, wiped his weeping eyes, relieved his hoarseness with a small quantity of temperance bitters, and limped away.

[Note I.--The chapter is respectfully dedicated to General Pierce.]

[Note II.--The fastidious--I mean those rather inclined to facts, may, to please their peculiar taste, transfer the scene of Mr. Secretary Bolt's exploits to Paris; they may also add a date more modern.]