Chapter I: Part 1

THE BOOK OF GOOD MANNERS

A GUIDE TO POLITE USAGE FOR ALL SOCIAL FUNCTIONS

W. C. GREEN

THE BOOK OF GOOD MANNERS is a complete and authentic authority on every single phase of social usage as practiced in America. The author has compiled the matter in dictionary form in order to give the reader the desired information as briefly and clearly as possible, and with the least possible effort in searching through the pages.

ACCEPTING OR DECLINING INVITATIONS. See INVITATIONS,
ACCEPTING OR DECLINING.

ACCIDENTS. See STREET ETIQUETTE--MEN--ACCIDENTS.

ADDRESS. The address of a person may be stamped
on the stationery.

If the address is stamped, it is not customary
to stamp also the crest or monogram.

ADDRESSING ENVELOPES.

MEN. A man should be addressed as Mr. James
J, Wilson, or James J. Wilson, Esq. Either
the Mr. or the Esq. may be used, but not
the two together.

The title belonging to a man should be
given. It is not customary to use Mr. or
Esq. when Jr. or Sr. is used.

WOMEN. A woman's name should always have
the Miss or Mrs.

A woman should never be given her husband's
official title, as Mrs. Judge Wilson.

If a woman has a title of her own, she
should be addressed as Dr. Minnie Wilson,
when the letter is a professional one. If
a social letter, this should be Miss Minnie
Wilson, or Mrs. Minnie Wilson.

ADDRESSING PERSONS. Young girls should be spoken
of as Minnie Wilson, and not as Miss Minnie,
but are personally addressed as Miss Minnie.
Only the greatest intimacy warrants a man
in addressing a young girl as Minnie.

Parents should introduce their daughter
as My daughter Minnie, but should speak
of them before servants as Miss Minnie.

A married woman should be spoken of as
Mrs. Agnes Wilson, and personally addressed
as Mrs. Wilson.

ADDRESSING AND SIGNING LETTERS. All answers to
invitations should be addressed to the party
issuing them.

Letters to a woman who is a comparative
stranger may begin My dear Mrs. Wilson,
and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mrs.
Wilson.

Letters to a man who is a comparative
stranger may begin My dear Mr. Wilson,
and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mr.
Wilson.

For forms of addressing persons with titles,
as Mayor, see under that title--as, Mayor,
Governor.

The letters may end, Sincerely yours, or
Very truly yours, or I remain yours with
kindest regards.

The signature of a man should be John J.
Wilson or J. Jones Wilson.

An unmarried woman should sign social
letters as Minnie Wilson, and a business letter
as Miss Minnie Wilson. A married woman
should sign a social letter as Agnes Wilson.
In signing a business letter, a married woman
may either sign her name Mrs. Agnes Wilson,
or, preferably,

Agnes Wilson
(Mrs. John Wilson)

AFTERNOON CALLS. These should be made between
three and half-past five, and if possible on
regular at home days.

In making an afternoon call a man should
wear the regulation afternoon dress.

DRESS--MEN. Afternoon dress consists of a
double-breasted frock coat of dark material,
and waistcoat, either single or double-
breasted, of same, or of some fancy material
of late design. The trousers should be of
light color, avoiding of course extremes in
patterns.

White or delicate color linen shirts should
be worn, patent leather shoes, silk hat and
undressed kid gloves of dark color.

Afternoon dress is worn at weddings, afternoon
teas, receptions, garden parties, luncheons,
church funerals, and at all afternoon
functions.

See also EVENING DRESS--MEN. MORNING
DRESS--MEN.

AFTERNOON RECEPTIONS. See AFTERNOON TEAS.
GIVEN BY BACHELORS, See BACHELORS' TEAS.

AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL). These are very successful
as a rule, due perhaps to their small expense
and few exactions, and are given with
many purposes: to introduce young women
into society, to allow a hostess to entertain a
number of her friends, to honor some woman
of note, etc.

A formal afternoon tea is one for which
cards have been issued, naming set date.

Awnings and carpet should be provided
from curb to house. A man should be stationed
at the curb to open carriage doors and
call them when the guests leave, and another
African Teas man should be in attendance at the
front door to open it the moment a guest appears
at the top step and to direct him to the dressing-room.

A policeman should be detailed for the occasion
to keep back the onlookers, and should
receive a small fee for his services.

At the door of the drawing-room a man
should ask the name of each guest, which he
announces as the latter enters. The hostess
and those receiving with her should be just
within the door to receive the guests.

CARDS. Each guest should leave a card in the
tray in the hall.

A woman may leave the cards of the men
of her family who have been unable to attend.

Cards should be sent by mail or messenger
by those invited but unable to be present, and
should be timed so that they reach the house
during the function.

A husband and wife each send a card when
the invitation is issued in the name of the
hostess only, and two cards each when issued
in the name of hostess and her daughter. If
issued in the name of both husband and
wife, a husband should send two and his wife
should send one card.

DAUGHTERS. The daughters who have passed
the debutante age usually stand for an hour
beside their mother to receive the guests,
and afterward mingle with the guests to help
to make the function a success.

DEBUTANTE. When a tea is given in honor of
a debutante, she stands beside the hostess
(usually her mother), and each guest is introduced
to her. Flowers should be liberally
provided, and friends may contribute on such
an occasion.

The host and the men all wear the regulation
afternoon dress.

Women wear costumes appropriate to the
afternoon, more elegant in proportion to the
elaborateness of the function.

Guests may suit their convenience in
arriving, provided they do not come at the
opening hour nor at the very end.

After leaving their wraps in the dressing-
rooms, guests enter the drawing-room, leaving
their cards in the tray in the hall, and
then giving their names to the man at the
door, who announces them.

On entering the room, the women precede
the men.

After greeting the hostess and being introduced
to those receiving with her, the guests
move into the middle of the room.

Guests go the dining-room when they
wish without greeting the hostess.

It is not expected that guests at a large reception
will stay all the afternoon. Twenty
minutes is long enough. It is not necessary
to bid the hostess good-bye when leaving.
If guests take leave of host and hostess,
they should shake hands.

In the dining-room the men, assisted by
the waiters, help the women.

When the reception is a small formal one,
the guests may stay a longer time, and usually
it is better to take leave of the hostess,
unless she is much occupied at the time.

HOST. Except when a newly married couple
give a house-warming or a reception, the host
does not stand beside his wife, but spends
the time in making introductions, and doing
his best to make the function a success.

When some married woman or woman
guest of honor assists his wife to receive, he
should at the proper moment escort her to
the dining-room.

HOSTESS. The hostess and those receiving with
her should be just within the door, ready to
receive each guest as announced.

The hostess shakes hands with each guest,
and introduces them to those receiving with
her.

Friends assisting a hostess to entertain are
generally permitted to invite a few of their
own friends, and their cards are sent with
those of the hostess. A pretty feature is the
presence of a number of young women here
and there in the rooms to assist in receiving
the guests. Music is always appropriate.

HOURS. The hours are from 4 to 7 P.M.

INTRODUCTIONS. The hostess should introduce
her guests to those receiving with her.
See also INTRODUCTION.

INVITATIONS. Engraved invitations are sent a
week or ten days in advance, by mail or messenger.

They are usually issued in the name of the
hostess only, though they may be issued in
the name of both husband and wife.

In place of the visiting-card, an "At
Home" card may be used, or cards specially
engraved for the purpose.

When cards are sent to a married couple,
the cards are addressed to both husband and
wife.

Invitations are sent in two envelopes-the
inner one unsealed and bearing the name of
the guest, and the outer one sealed, with, the
street address.

INVITATIONS, ANSWERING. It is not necessary
to accept or decline these invitations, as the
guest accepts by his presence. If unable to
do so, he should send by mail or messenger
a visiting-card, to reach the hostess during
the ceremony.

When the invitation has been issued in the
name of the hostess only, a husband and wife
each send a card, and if in the name of hostess
and her daughter, each should send two
cards. If the invitation has been issued in
the name of the husband and wife, the wife
should send one and a husband two cards.

If the woman in the family is the only one
present at the function, she can leave cards
for the rest of the family.

MEN. Both the host and men wear the regulation
afternoon dress, consisting of the long
frock coat with single or double-breasted
waistcoat to match, or of some fancy cloth,
and gray trousers. White linen, a light tie,
a silk hat, gray gloves, and patent leather
shoes complete the costume.

The overcoat, hat, and cane are left in
the dressing-room, and the guest removes one
or both gloves as he pleases--remembering
that he must offer his ungloved right hand
to the hostess.

SHAKING HANDS. Guests on being presented to
the hostess should shake hands. If guest
takes leave of hostess, they should shake
hands. If the hostess is surrounded by
guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.

WOMEN. Women leave cards of their male relatives
as well as their own, even though their
names may be announced upon entering.
Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided
for the purpose, or give them to the
servant at the door.

Women wear a costume appropriate for
the afternoon, and keep their hats and
gloves on.

AFTERNOON TEAS (INFORMAL). An afternoon tea is a
simple entertainment. Refreshments are
generally served to the guests. An innovation
lately introduced has become quite popular
--namely, young women, invited for
the purpose, wait upon the guests, bringing
in one dainty at a time.

An afternoon tea is called a formal afternoon
tea when engraved cards have been
issued, naming set date.

CARDS. Guests should leave cards in the hall, or
hand them to the servant. Women may
leave the cards of the men of her family.
Those unable to attend should send card the
same afternoon by mail or messenger.

See also AFTERNOON TEAS (Formal)-Cards.

DRESS. Both men and women wear afternoon dress.

GUESTS. All guests, both men and women, wear
afternoon dress.

Guests may suit their convenience in arriving
or departing--provided they do not
come at the opening hour, nor stay to the
last moment.

After the guests have left their wraps in
the dressing-rooms, they leave their cards in
the tray in the hall and enter the drawing-
room, the women preceding the men.

After greeting the hostess and being introduced
to those assisting her, the guests quietly move
away and mingle with the rest.

Each guest goes to the dining-room when
he pleases and leaves when he wishes. It is
not necessary upon departure to shake hands
with the hostess at a large reception, though
it is better to do so at a small affair.

It is not necessary for a guest to stay the
entire evening; twenty minutes is sufficient.

HOST. If present, he does not receive with his
wife. It is not essential that he be present
on such an occasion.

HOSTESS. The hostess wears full dress. Daughters
may assist, or young women may be asked to do so.

HOURS. From four to seven.

INVITATIONS. For an afternoon tea a visiting-
card may be used with the hour and date
written or engraved on it. They may be sent
by mail or messenger.

The invitation need not be acknowledged.

AFTERNOON WEDDING RECEPTIONS are conducted the
same as Wedding Receptions, which see.

AGRICULTURE, SECRETARY OF--HOW ADDRESSED. An
official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have sir,
the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of Agriculture.

AISLE PROCESSION.
See WEDDING PROCESSION.

ANGLICAN CHURCH ARCHBISHOP.
See ARCHBISHOP.

ANGLICAN CHURCH BISHOP.
See BISHOP.

ANNIVERSARIES--WEDDING. These are as follows:

First year...................Paper

Fifth year.................Wooden

Tenth year ..................Tin

Twelfth year.............Leather

Fifteenth year ..........Crystal

Twentieth year.............China

Twenty-fifth year.........Silver

Thirtieth year ............Ivory

Fortieth year.............Woolen

Forty-fifth year............Silk

Fiftieth year............ Golden

Seventy-fifth year...... Diamond

Less attention is now paid than formerly
to all those before the silver wedding. For
specific information, see SILVER WEDDING, TIN
WEDDING, etc.

ANNOUNCEMENT--ENGAGEMENT.
See ENGAGEMENT PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT.

ANNOUNCING GUESTS--BALLS. The hostess decides
whether or not the guests are to be announced.
At public balls it is customary.

ANSWERING INVITATIONS.
See under FUNCTIONS, as
DINNERS, INVITATIONS, etc.

APPLES should be pared, cut into small pieces, and
eaten with finders or forks.

ARCHBISHOP OF ANGLICAN CHURCH--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official letter begins: My Lord Archbishop,
may it please your Grace, and ends:
I remain, My Lord Archbishop, your Grace's
most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Lord
Archbishop, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
my dear Lord Archbishop.

The address on the envelop is: The Most
Reverend, His Grace the Archbishop of Kent.

ARCHBISHOP OF ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official or social letter begins:
Most Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I
have the honor to remain your humble servant.

The address on the envelope is: The Most
Reverend John J. Wilson, Archbishop of Kent.

ARTICHOKES are eaten with the fingers, taking off leaf
by leaf and dipping into the sauce. The
solid portion is broken up and eaten with a
fork.

ASPARAGUS. The stalks may be taken between the
finger and the thumb, if they are not too
long, or the green end may be cut off and
eaten with a fork, scraping off with the
knife what is desired from the remaining
part.

AT HOMES.

AFTERNOON AT HOMES. The days for receiving
are engraved in the lower left hand
corner of the card, with hours specified if one
wishes.

No changes should be made in these hours
by the hostess unless for exceptional reasons,
and she should always be present at the
time set.

Unless very intimate, the call should be
made only on the specified days.

BACHELORS. It is not customary for a bachelor
to use "At Home" cards as a woman does,
nor to invite his friends by writing a date
and Music at four on his calling-cards in
place of an invitation.

DRESS. In the afternoon the caller should wear
afternoon dress, and in the evening evening
dress.

ACKNOWLEDGING INVITATIONS. Invitations to
an ordinary at home need no acknowledgment.

INVITATIONS. Cards for an "At Home" are engraved
with the hour for beginning the
entertainment--as, Chocolate at 4.30 o'clock.
The invitations to a formal "At Home"
should be sent in two envelopes, but to an
ordinary "At Home" in one envelope. For
informal affairs the hour may be written on
an ordinary "At Home" card.

BACHELORS' DINNERS. They follow the usual custom
of formal dinners, and may be as elaborate as
desired. Women may be invited. Such
dinners are often given for men only.

CALLS. Women do not call upon a bachelor
after attending a dinner given by him.

CHAPERONE. If women are present, a married
woman as chaperone is indispensable, and
her husband must also be invited. The host
should call upon the chaperone and personally
request the favor.

The chaperone is taken into dinner by the
host, unless the latter takes in the woman in
whose honor the dinner may be given. In
the latter case, the chaperone is seated at the
host's left. She gives the signal for the
women to leave the dining-room.

All guests should be introduced to the
chaperone, and she should be called upon
after a short time by the host.

DRESS. All guests wear evening dress.

HOST. The host should call upon the chaperone
within a few days after the dinner.

If men only are present, he either precedes
or follows the guests into the dining-room,
and if he has given the dinner in honor of
some man, he has the latter seated at his
right. His duties are the same as the host
at dinners.

INVITATIONS. These are usually given in brief
notes, but may be engraved, and are similar
to the regular invitations to dinners, and are
treated accordingly.

MEN. The men wear evening dress, and follow
the same etiquette as at other dinners.

WOMEN. The women wear evening dress, and
follow the same etiquette as at all dinners,
except that no calls are made by them afterward
upon the host.

BACHELOR'S FAREWELL DINNER. If the groom wishes,
he may give a farewell dinner a few evenings
before the wedding to his best man, ushers,
and a few intimate friends. He sits at the
head of the table and the best man opposite,
and on this occasion he may give scarf-pins,
link cuff-buttons--or neckties and gloves, if
he wishes--to the best man and ushers.

BACHELORS' LUNCHEONS. These are conducted like
BACHELOR'S DINNERS, which see. The one difference
is that, should the luncheon be given
before 6 P.M., afternoon dress should be worn.

BACHELORS' OPERA PARTIES. See THEATRE AND OPERA
PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN.

BACHELORS' SUPPERS. These are conducted the same
as BACHELOR'S DINNERS, which see.

BACHELORS' TEAS OR AFTERNOON RECEPTIONS.

CHAPERONES. If women are present, a married
chaperone is indispensable, who should be
the first person invited by personal call.

The chaperone at a small affair pours the
tea, and at a large one she receives with the
host, and each guest is presented to her.

The host conducts the chaperone to her
carriage, and also any other women who may
have assisted her.

DRESS. The hosts and guests wear afternoon
dress.

INVITATIONS. These maybe oral, brief notes, or,
for a large affair, engraved, and should be
sent from three days to a week in advance.

HOST. The host should greet his guests at the
door, shaking hands with each one, and introducing
to the chaperone those not known
to her.

He introduces guests who are strangers to
each other, bids them adieu, accompanies the
women to the door, and escorts the chaperone
to her carriage, and if she has come
alone without one, may very properly escort
her home.

If at a large reception several women have
helped him entertain, he should thank them
and see them to their carriages.

He will, of course, see that there is provided
a dressing-room for women with a maid to
wait upon them, and that the rooms are in
good order, well furnished with flowers, and
that the refreshments are attended to.
See also INVITATIONS.

MEN. Afternoon dress is worn.

WOMEN. The invitations, engraved or oral,
should be promptly acknowledged.

Women wear dress customary at afternoon
teas, and on their entrance should greet the
host. Upon departing they take leave of him,
though this is not necessary if the reception
be a large one.

If a young woman knows that a chaperone
is present, she need not have her own chaperone
accompany her.

If the chaperone leaves early, she should do
likewise.

BACHELORS' THEATRE PARTY. See THEATRE AND OPERA
PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN.

BADGES--BALLS (PUBLIC). It is customary for men
and women on the committees to wear on the
left side of the breast ornamental badges,
embroidered with the official position of the
wearer.

BAGGAGE. If a man is traveling with a woman, he
should see to the checking and care of her
baggage.
See also TRAVELING.

WEDDING TRIP. The best man should, some
time before the wedding, see that the baggage
of the bridal couple has been checked, and
the checks given to the groom.
See also BEST MAN.

BALLS. A ball is an evening function, beginning at
a late hour, devoted wholly to dancing. The
costumes are more elaborate, the supper arrangements
more extensive, and the floral
decorations more lavish than at a dance.

ACCEPTING INVITATION TO DANCE. While a
young woman may accept or decline any invitation
to dance, it is considered an act of discourtesy
to refuse one man for a dance and
to accept an invitation thereafter for the
same dance from another.

ANNOUNCING GUESTS. The hostess decides
whether or not the guests are to be announced.
At public balls it is customary.

ANSWERING INVITATIONS. These should be answered
immediately, and if declined, the
ticket should be returned.

ARRIVING AT. There is no set rule when guests
should arrive.

In the city, guests should arrive anywhere
between eleven and twelve, and in the country,
fifteen minutes after the hour set in the
invitation.

ASKING WOMEN TO DANCE. A man asks for
the privilege of a dance either with the
daughter of the hostess, with any guest of
the latter, or with any young woman receiving
with her.

On being introduced to a woman, he may
ask her for a dance, and should be punctual
in keeping the engagement.

It is her privilege to end the dance at any
moment she wishes, after which he should
conduct her to her chaperone or find a seat
for her, after which he is at liberty to go
elsewhere.

If for any cause a man has to break his
engagements to dance, he should personally
explain the matter to every woman with
whom he has an engagement and make a
suitable apology.

BALLS, ASSEMBLY. The etiquette at an assembly
ball is much the same as at a private ball,
the functions and duties of the hostess being
filled by a committee of women selected for
that purpose.

On entering the room, the guests bow to
the committee and pass on.

It is not necessary to take leave of the
committee.

CARRIAGE. A man should provide a carriage
in which to call for the woman he escorts
and her chaperone.

CHAPERONES. For a small ball given in a private
house, the hostess need not invite the mothers
of the young women, and the young women
can properly attend, knowing that the hostess
will act as a chaperone.

But at a large ball it is necessary to invite
the mother as well as the daughters, and
the chaperone as well as the debutante under
her care. The mother can send regrets for
herself, and send her daughters in care of a
maid. Or she can attend, and, after remaining
a suitable time, she may entrust her
daughter to the care of a chaperone who
intends to remain the whole evening.

BALLS FOR DEBUTANTE.

DRESS. A debutante should dress in white or
some extremely delicate color, and wear very
little jewelry--some simple brooch or single
piece of jewelry, or a slender chain of pearls.

DUTIES OF DAUGHTERS. Except at her own
debut, a daughter does not assist her mother
in receiving. She should be ready, however,
to see that young women have partners, and
to speak, without introduction, to strangers.

GUEST OF HONOR. If the ball is given in honor
of some special person, he should be met on
his arrival, introduced to the women of the
reception committee, escorted to the seat prepared
for him, and be looked after the entire
evening.

At the end of the ball he should be escorted
to his carriage.

DUTIES OF HOST. It is not necessary that a
man receive with his wife. He should do all
he can to help make the ball successful,
especially if his name appears on the invitation.
He should assist in finding partners
for the women, taking the chaperones into
supper, preventing the men from selfishly
remaining in the dressing-room, and at the
end escorting unattended women to their
carriages.

When a formal supper is served, he takes
into supper the leading chaperone.

DUTIES OF HOSTESS. As a ball is an entertainment
for dancing, it is better to give two
small balls where the guests are not crowded
than one where they are. It is permissible
for a hostess not having sufficient room to
hire rooms in some place suitable for the
purpose.

In selecting guests, it is wise to have more
men present than women.

The hostess should see to it that the rooms
are well ventilated and well lighted. An
awning and a carpet from the street to the
hall door should be provided.

The hostess should stand near the door,
prepared to receive the guests as they enter,
shaking hands with each one, friend or
stranger, and introducing any woman who
may receive with her.

A hostess herself should not dance until
late in the evening, unless she knows that
nearly all her guests have arrived.

A wise hostess will personally see that the
women are provided with partners, and that
diffident young men are introduced.

The hostess should see that the floor is
suitable for dancing, that music is arranged,
programs printed, that dressing-rooms, one
for the men and one for the women, are arranged
for with suitable attendants.

The hostess should stand where the guests
can take leave of her, and should shake
hands with each when leaving.

HOURS. In the city the hour for a ball to begin
is from 10.30 to 11 P.M., but in the country
the hour is earlier--from 9 to 9.30.

A public ball begins promptly at the time
mentioned in the announcement.

INVITATIONS. These are issued from ten to
twenty days before the ball, and should be
answered immediately.

For an impromptu dance, they may be
issued within a few days of the affair.

These invitations should be engraved. As
a general rule, it is not now customary to put
on them the letters R. S. V. P.

But when an engraved invitation is posted,
two envelopes are used, the inner one bearing
the person's name only and unsealed, and
the outer bearing both the name and address
and sealed.

If the ball has any peculiar feature, as a
masquerade or costume, the invitation should
have some words to that effect in the lower
left hand corner--as, Costume of the XVIIth
Century, Bal Masque, or Bal Poudre.

INVITATIONS ASKED FOR STRANGERS. If a
hostess receives a request from friends for
invitations for friends of theirs, she can properly
refuse all such requests, and no friend
should feel aggrieved at a refusal for what
she has no right to ask and which the hostess
is under no obligation to give. If the
hostess chooses to grant the request, well and
good.

She would naturally do so when the request
is for a near relative, or the betrothed of the
one making the request.

A man should never ask for an invitation
to a ball for another person, except for his
fiancee or a near relative.

A woman may ask for an invitation for her
fiance, a brother, or a male friend of long
standing, or for a visiting friend. She should
take care that she does not ask it for some
one known to the hostess and whom the latter
does not desire to invite. No offense should be
felt at a refusal save, possibly, in the case of a
brother, sister, or fiance.

INVITATIONS GIVEN BY A NEWCOMER. When a
newcomer in a neighborhood desires to give
a ball but has no visiting list, it is allowable
for her to borrow the visiting list of
some friend. The friend, however, arranges
that in each envelope is placed a calling-card
of her own, so that the invited ones may know
that she is acting as sponsor for the newcomer.

INVITATIONS ANSWERED. Every invitation
should be answered as soon as possible, and
in the third person if the invitation was in the
third person. The answer should be sent to
the party requesting the pleasure, even if
many names are on the invitation.

When a subscriber to a subscription ball
invites a friend who is a non-subscriber, she
encloses her card in the envelope, and the invited
friend sends the answer to the subscriber
sending the invitation.

INTRODUCTIONS. When a man is introduced to a
woman at a ball, he should ask her for a
dance.

MEN AT. Courtesy toward his hostess and consideration
for his friends demands that a
man who can dance should do so.

To accept an invitation to a ball and then
refuse to dance shows that a man is lacking
in good breeding.

A man finding few friends at a ball should
ask some friend, or the hostess, to introduce
him to some women whom he can invite to
dance.

It is an act of discourtesy for a man not to
request a dance of a woman to whom he has
been introduced.

A man escorting a woman to a ball should
agree where to meet her after they have each
left their wraps at the dressing-rooms. It
may be at the foot of the stairway or near
the ball-room door.

It is now no longer customary for the man
and woman to enter arm in arm, but for the
woman to precede the man, and together
they greet the hostess. It is for the hostess
to merely bow or to shake hands, and the
guests follow her lead.

A man should see that his companion's
chaperone is comfortably seated, and then
ask his companion for a couple of dances,
and, with her permission, introduce other
young men, who should ask her to dance.
Such permission is not usually asked if the
man is her fiance, a near relative, or an old
friend.

It is strictly the woman's prerogative to decide
to retire, and no man should urge or
hint to a woman to retire earlier than she
wishes.

MEN--CARRIAGE. A man asking a woman to
accompany him to a ball should call in a carriage
for her and her chaperone.

MEN--DRESS. Men wear full evening dress in
summer or winter, city and town.

Gloves of white dressed kid should be worn
at all balls.

NEWCOMERS. See BALLS-INVITATIONS GIVEN BY
NEWCOMERS.

PATRONESSES. See PUBLIC BALLS--PATRONESSES.

TIPPING SERVANTS. Only at public balls is it
customary to give a tip to the men and
women in charge of the cloak-room.

SUPPER. Usually a buffet supper, being more
easily handled and arranged for. Supper at
tables requires many servants, much preparation,
and great care.

WOMEN AT. A mother should attend balls with
her daughters, going and returning with
them, and if she is not invited, they should
decline the invitation. The father can act
as escort if need be.

After greeting the hostess and guests, the
guests pay their respects to the head of the
house if he is present.

Taking leave of the hostess is unnecessary.

It is no longer customary for a couple to
enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede
the man. A mother, elder sister, or
married woman takes the precedence over
a daughter, younger sister, or unmarried
woman.

If not at once asked to dance, a young
woman should take a seat by her chaperone.
It is bad taste to refuse a dance with one
man and then to dance that same dance with
another.

Both the hostess and the women wear their
most elaborate costume for such an entertainment-
decollete, short-sleeved, and a long train.

For a less elaborate affair the costume
may be plainer.

BALLS, ASSEMBLY. See ASSEMBLY BALLS.

BALLS, COSTUME. See COSTUME BALLS.

BALLS, DEBUT. See DEBUT BALLS.

BALLS, PUBLIC. See PUBLIC BALLS.

BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. See SUBSCRIPTION BALLS.

BANANAS. The skin should be cut off with a knife,
peeling from the top down, while holding in
the hand. Small pieces should be cut or
broken off, and taken in the fingers, or they
may be cut up and eaten with a fork.

BARON-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to be
your Lordship's obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable the Baron Wilson.

A social letter begins: Dear Lord Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord Wilson,
very sincerely yours.

The address is: To the Lord Wilson.

DAUGHTER OF. See DAUGHTER OF BARON.

WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF. See WIFE OF YOUNGER
SON OF BARON.

BARON, YOUNGER SON OF--How Addressed. An
official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have
the honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Honorable John Wilson.

BARONESS-HOW ADDRESSED, An official letter begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain
your Ladyship's most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable The Baroness Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends. Believe me dear Lady Kent, sincerely
yours.

The address is: To the Lady Kent.

BARONET-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
sir, your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Sir John Wilson,
or Dear Sir John, and ends: Believe me,
dear Sir John, faithfully yours.

The address on the envelope is: To Sir
John Wilson, Bart.

WIFE OF, See WIFE OF BARONET.

BEST MAN. The best man is usually a bachelor, but
may be a married man or a widower, and is
selected by the groom. He fills an important
position, requiring tact, administrative
ability, and capacity to handle details. He
acts as the groom's representative, confidential
advisor, and business advisor.

After his selection he should send a gift to
the bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the
groom-a custom not yet clearly established,
and one not to be either encouraged or followed
with safety.

On the morning of the wedding-day he
should have received both the ring and fee
from the groom, and should personally see to
the church and other details.

He breakfasts with the groom, and together
they drive to the church.

CALLS. He should call on the bride's mother
within two weeks after the ceremony, and
also on the married couple upon their return
from their wedding trip.

CHURCH. He accompanies the groom into the
chancel, and stands by his side till the bride
appears, when he receives the groom's hat
and gloves, and stands a little way behind
him. When the clergyman bids the bride
and groom join hands, he gives the ring to
to the groom.

At the conclusion of the ceremony, he
gives the wedding fee to the clergyman, and
hastily leaves the church to summon the
groom's carriage and to return him his
hat. He signs the register, if a witness is
needed.

It is a better arrangement to have the
groom and the best man enter the church
without their hats, and have the latter sent
from the vestry to the church door, so that the
groom may receive his when he leaves the
church.

Especially is this a good arrangement if
the best man has to walk with the maid of
honor down the aisle.

After this, he hastens in his own carriage
to the bride's home, to assist in meeting and
introducing the guests at the reception or
breakfast.

DRESS. If the bride presents the best man with
the boutonniere, he should go to her house
on the wedding-day to have her put it in the
lapel of his coat.

He should dress as nearly as possible like the
groom-wearing afternoon dress at an afternoon
wedding, and at an evening wedding
evening dress.

See also GROOM-DRESS.

EXPENSES. The best man is the guest of the
groom, and in matters of expense this should
be borne in mind.

REPORTERS. If such is the wish of the family
of the bride, the best man attends to the reporters,
and furnishes them with the names
of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description
of gowns, and other details deemed
suitable for publication.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The best man escorts
the maid of honor, and they are usually
seated at the bridal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The best man stands
with the married couple, and is introduced
to the guests.

WEDDING TRIP. He should arrange beforehand
all details of the trip-as to tickets, parlor-car,
flowers, baggage, etc. He alone knows the
point of destination, and is in honor bound
not to betray it, save in case of emergencies.
He should see that the married couple
leave the house without any trouble, and if
the station is near, he should go in a separate
carriage (provided by the groom) to personally
attend to all details. He is the last
one to see the married couple, and should return
to the house to give their last message
to the parents.

BEST WISHES TO BRIDE. One should give best wishes
to the bride and congratulations to the
groom.

BICYCLING. A man bicycling with a woman should
extend to her all the courtesies practised
when riding or driving with her, such as
allowing her to set the pace, taking the lead
on unfamiliar roads and in dangerous
places, riding on the side nearest obstacles,
etc.

MEN--DRESS. A man should wear the regulation
suit coat, waistcoat, and knickerbockers
of gray or brown tweed, avoiding all
eccentricities of personal taste.

BIRTH (Announcement). If wishing to send congratulations
after a birth, cards should be left in
person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers
may be sent with the card.

BISHOP OF THE ANGLICAN CHURCH--HOW ADDRESSED.
An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends:
I have the honor to remain your Lordship's
most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My Dear Lord
Bishop, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
my Dear Lord Bishop, faithfully yours.

The address on the envelope: To the Right
Rev. The Lord Bishop of Kent.

BISHOP (PROTESTANT)-HOW ADDRESSED. An official
letter begins: Right Reverend and Dear Sir,
and ends: I have the honor to remain your
obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Bishop Wilson,
and ends: I remain sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of,
Montana.

BISHOP (ROMAN CATHOLIC)--HOW ADDRESSED. An
official or social letter begins. Right Reverend
and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor
to remain your humble servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of
Ohio.

BONNETS (THEATRE). A woman of any consideration
should either wear no bonnet or remove it
when the curtain rises.

It would be in place for a man or a woman
to politely request a woman whose bonnet
obstructs the view to remove it, and, after
it was done, to thank the woman for so
doing.

BOUQUETS (WEDDING). The bouquet carried by the
bride is furnished by the groom, who should
also provide bouquets for the bridesmaids.

BOWING

MEN, When leaving a woman at the door of
her house, he bows and retires as the door
is opened.

When seeing a woman to her carriage, he
should raise his hat on closing the door.

On a railroad a man removes his hat in a
parlor-car, but not in a day coach.

In street-cars a man should raise his hat
when giving his seat to a woman; also when
rendering a service to a woman in public, in
answering a question, or in apologizing to a
woman.

In elevators, when women are present,
the hat should be removed.

In hotel halls or corridors a man passing
a woman should raise his hat.

Men do not raise their hats to one another,
save out of deference to an elderly person, a
person of note, or a clergyman.

In driving, if impossible to raise the hat,
he should touch it with his whip.

The hat is gracefully lifted from the head,
brought to the level of the chest, and the
body inclined forward, and then replaced in
passing.

It is the woman's privilege to bow first if
it is a mere acquaintance. If, however, a
woman bows, and the man fails to recognize
her, he should bow in return.

A man may bow first to a very intimate
friend.

Meeting a woman to whom he has been
introduced at an entertainment, he should
wait until she bows first.

After bowing to a woman, the man may
join her, and with her permission may walk
a short distance with her.

He should not stand in the street and converse
with her any length of time. She may
excuse herself and pass on. He should not
feel affronted.

If he meets a woman he does not know
accompanied by a man he does know, both
men bow.

The man accompanying her should bow
to every man or woman to whom she bows.

WOMEN. A woman's bow should be dignified--
a faint smile and a gentle inclination of the
head.

Women bow first to men when meeting in
the street. A man may bow first if the
acquaintance is intimate.

When walking with a man, and they meet
another unknown to her, but known to her
escort, both men bow. If she meets a friend,
man or woman, unknown to her escort, he
bows.

Unless an introduction has taken place at
any function, no recognition is customary.
It is the woman's privilege, however, to decide
for herself whether she will recognize
the guest or not.

A man bowing and joining a woman on
the street must ask permission to do so.
She is at perfect liberty to gracefully decline.

If a man stops to talk on the street, she
may excuse herself and pass on. If she
continues the conversation and he stands
with his hat in his hand, she may request
him to replace it. Such conversations should
be brief.

BREAD should be broken into small pieces, buttered,
and transferred with the fingers to the mouth.
The bread should be placed on the small
plate provided for the purpose.

BREAKFASTS. Breakfasts are generally given from
ten to twelve in the morning. Very formal
breakfasts are held at twelve o'clock.

CALLS. A call need not be made after a simple
breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

DRESS. Street costumes are worn by men and
women.

GUESTS. Guests leave half an hour after the
breakfast.

HOURS. The hour is from 12 to 12.30.

INVITATIONS. Cards are engraved and sent a
week in advance for formal breakfasts, but
for informal breakfasts they may be written.
If given in honor of a special guest, the
name is engraved on the card--as, TO MEET
MR. WILSON.

MEN. Men are usually invited, and they are
often given for men. Men wear street costume.

Guests should leave half an hour after
breakfast. A call is not necessary after a
simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal
one.

MEN LEAVING CARDS. After a breakfast a man
should leave a card for host and hostess,
whether the invitation was accepted or not.
Or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with
an apology for so doing.

WOMEN. Women wear street costume, including
gloves, the latter being taken off at table.
Women remove their coats and wraps, but
not bonnets.

Guests should leave half an hour after
breakfast. A call is not necessary after a
simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal
one.

WEDDING. See WEDDING RECEPTIONS OR BREAKFASTS.

BREAKING DINNER ENGAGEMENTS. When it is absolutely
necessary to break an engagement made for
a dinner, a letter should be sent as soon as
possible to the hostess, either by special delivery
or messenger, giving the reason and
expressing regrets.

BRIDE. The bride selects the church and the clergyman,
and can, if she wishes, ask the latter
personally or by note to perform the ceremony.
She selects the music for the ceremony
and the organist, names the wedding
day, and selects the ushers and the bridesmaids.
Of the bridesmaids, she may select
one, some near friend, as the maid of honor,
to act for her, as the best man does for the
groom.

She further designates one of the ushers to
be master of ceremonies, and should instruct
him minutely as to the details she desires
carried out-how the wedding party shall enter
the church, proceed up the aisle, etc.

A few days before the wedding she gives a
dinner to the bridesmaids and maid of honor,
who take this opportunity to examine the
trousseau. The ushers, best man, and groom
may come after the dinner to attend the wedding
rehearsal. These rehearsals should be
gone through carefully, and if they can be
held at the church so much the better. Each
person should be instructed by note as to their
duties, as this prevents confusion.

CHURCH. On the wedding-day, after receiving
the bridesmaids and maid of honor at her
house, she goes to the church with her father
(or nearest male relative), and leans upon his
arm as they proceed up the aisle, following
the bridesmaids, and carrying her bridal bouquet
(or, if she wishes, a prayer-book).

Arriving at the chancel, she leaves her
father and steps forward to take the left arm
of the groom, who advances from the chancel
to meet her. They stand before the clergyman,
and, if they wish, may kneel, and upon
rising stand about a foot apart.

At the words of the ceremony, "Who giveth
this woman away?" or, "To be married to this
man?" her father advances and places her
right hand in that of the clergyman, who
places it in the groom's right hand. After
this her father retires to his seat in the pew
with his family.

When the plighting of the troth comes, the
groom receives the ring from the best man
and hands it to the bride, who gives it to the
clergyman. He returns it to the groom, who
then places it on the third finger of the bride's
left hand. When plighting the troth, the
bride gives her glove and bouquet to the maid
of honor, or, what is better, the finger of the
glove may be cut to allow the ring to be placed
on without the glove being removed.

The kiss at the altar is no longer in good
form.

At the end of the ceremony, after the clergyman
has congratulated the married couple,
the bride takes her husband's right arm and
they lead the procession to the vestibule, where
they receive the congratulations of near
friends. Here the maid of honor and bridesmaids
cloak and prepare the bride for the trip
home in the groom's carriage.

DRESS. The bride is veiled, and is dressed in
white-full dress, day or evening. Gloves
need not be worn in the church. The bridesmaids
provide their own outfit, unless the
bride asks them to dress in a style of her own
selecting. In this case, she supplies them
gowns, hats, gloves, and shoes, as she may
wish.

FAREWELL LUNCHEON. While a farewell luncheon
given to the bridesmaids by the bride
is not necessary, yet it is a pleasant way for a
woman to entertain her female friends the
last time in her father's house.

On this occasion it is a good plan for the
bride to give to the maid of honor and brides-maids
her souvenirs, which, of course, should
be alike, and of use at the wedding ceremony.

GIFTS. The bride may give to the groom a ring
as an engagement ring if she wishes. She
should make suitable gifts to the bridesmaids
as souvenirs of the occasion, and may also
present them with flowers. If she presents
boutonnieres to the best man and the ushers,
they should appear at her house before the
ceremony and have her place them in the
lapel of their coats.

She should acknowledge immediately the
receipt of all wedding gifts.

GLOVES. The bride need not wear gloves in the
church.

INVITATIONS. At a church wedding the bride
usually provides the bridesmaids with extra
invitations for their personal use.

KISS. Only the parents of the bride and her
most intimate relatives should kiss the bride.
It is now no longer good form for all to do so.

SEEING GROOM ON WEDDING-DAY. It is not
customary for the bride to see the groom on
the wedding-day till she meets him at the
altar.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride and groom
occupy the centre one of the small tables.

At all wedding breakfasts it is customary
for the guests to assemble in the drawing-room,
and then to enter the breakfast-room
together--the bride and groom leading the
way.

It is not usual to have the bridal cake at
a wedding breakfast, but if such is the case,
the bride makes the first cut, and the slices
are given first to those at the bridal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. She should stand by her
husband's side to receive the best wishes of all
present. The guests are not announced, but
are introduced by the ushers to the bride if
not known to her.

The bride should not leave her place to
mingle with the guests until all have been
introduced to her.

BRIDE'S FAMILY. See FAMILY OF BRIDE.

BRIDE'S FATHER. See FATHER OF BRIDE.

BRIDE'S MOTHER. See MOTHER OF BRIDE.

BRIDEGROOM. See GROOM.

BRIDESMAIDS. The bridesmaids are selected by the
bride, and number six, eight, or twelve--
mostly eight. She usually gives them a
dinner a few days before the wedding, at
which she shows them the trousseau and discusses
the details of the wedding.

The ushers and the groom are invited to
come after the dinner, and then the rehearsal
takes place. The bridesmaids should be
present at this and all other rehearsals, and
if unable to be present at the wedding should
give the bride ample notice, that a substitute
may be secured.

CALLS. They call upon the mother of the bride
within a week or ten days after the ceremony,
and upon the bride, in her own home, after
her return from her wedding trip.

CARRIAGES. A carriage provided by the family
of the bride calls for the bridesmaid on the
wedding-day, and takes her to the bride's
house. Her carriage follows the bride's to the
church, and, after the ceremony, takes her to
the wedding breakfast or reception.

CHURCH. They meet at the house of the bride,
and there take their carriages to the church.
While their carriages follow that of the bride,
they alight first and receive her in the vestibule.
They may carry bouquets supplied by
the bride's family or the groom.

In the procession up the aisle they follow
the ushers, walking two by two, and as the
ushers approach the altar they divide--one-half
to the right and one-half to the left. The
bridesmaids do likewise, leaving space for
the bridal party to pass.

In the procession down the aisle they follow
the best man and maid of honor to the
vestibule, where, after giving their best wishes
to the bride, and congratulations to the
groom, they return to the bride's home to
assist in entertaining the guests at the reception
or breakfast.

DANCING. At the wedding breakfast or reception
dancing is sometimes indulged in.

DINNER TO MARRIED COUPLE. The bridesmaids
usually give a dinner to the married couple
on the latter's return from their wedding trip.

DRESS. They usually follow the wishes of the
bride in the matter of dress. Should she
desire any particular style of dress, entailing
considerable expense, on account of novelty
or oddity, she usually presents them the outfit,
which it is permissible for them to accept.

If the bride has no particular wish, they
decide the matter among themselves, always
bearing in mind that their style of dress and
material must be subordinated to that of the
bride, and that there could be no greater exhibition
of lack of refinement and good taste
than for any bridesmaid to make herself in
any way more attractive than the bride.

GIFTS. It is customary for them to send a wedding
gift to the bride.

They usually receive a pretty souvenir
from the bride and a bouquet from the
groom.

INVITATIONS. At a large church wedding several
invitations are usually given to the
bridesmaids for their own personal use.

REHEARSALS. They should be present at all
rehearsals.

WEDDING BREAKFASTS. They pair off with the
ushers, and are usually seated at a table by
themselves.

WEDDING RECEPTIONS. They stand beside the
married couple, and are introduced to the
guests.

BROTHER AT DEBUT. A brother, when his sister's
debut takes the form of a supper or dinner,
should take his sister (the debutante) into
dinner or supper.

BUTLER--TIPS. It is customary for a man leaving a
house-party where he has been a guest to
tip the butler who acted as a valet.

CABINET ( U. S,), MEMBER OF--HOW ADDRESSED. An
official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have,
sir, the honor to remain your most obedient
servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain
most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of State.

CAKE. is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful,
and then eaten with fingers or fork.

CALLS. Unless close intimacy exists, calls should
only be made on the specified days.