Chapter IV: Part 4

DINNER. Women may remove their gloves at
table, and it is not necessary to replace
them. They should be laid in the lap. The
hostess generally determines by her own
actions whether the women should resume
gloves or not.

MOURNING. Gloves may be of black kid, suede,
or black silk. In the evening, black suede
or glace, or white suede should be worn.
White gloves with black stitching should not
be worn in the evening.

BRIDE. See BRIDE--GLOVES.

GROOM. See GROOM--GLOVES.

USHERS. See USHERS--GLOVES.

GODFATHER. A man asked to be one of the sponsors
at a christening ceremony should reply by a
written note or by calling in person.

He should call immediately on the parents
and send flowers to the mother, and express
himself as pleased at the compliment.

He should send a present to the child,
usually a piece of jewelry or some silver, and,
if a wealthy relative, may deposit a sum of
money to the child's credit, and present him
with the bank-book.

He should also send with his present one
of his calling cards, on which is written some
appropriate sentiment.

It is his privilege, when the wine is about
to be drunk after the ceremony, to first
propose the health of the child and then the
health of the mother.

The duties of the godfather at the ceremony
consist of assenting to the vows.

GODMOTHER. A woman asked to be a sponsor at a
christening should immediately accept or
decline the invitation either by a written note
or a call.

She should also call on the parents and send
flowers to the mother, and express pleasure
at the compliment paid to her.

It is always customary for the godmother
to give the child a gift, such as a christening
robe, a cradle, or some piece of silver. If
the latter is sent, it should have the child's
name on it. With the gift should be sent
the sponsor's calling card, with some
appropriate sentiment on it. It is customary to
send the gift to the child itself.

GOLDEN WEDDINGS. Fifty years after the wedding-day
comes the Golden Wedding. The invitations
may bear the words: NO PRESENTS
RECEIVED, and congratulations may be extended
in accepting or declining the invitation. An
entertainment is usually provided for.

The gifts are, appropriately, articles of
gold, and this is a fitting occasion for giving
fifty gold pieces of either, five, ten, or twenty
dollar denomination. The invitations are
appropriately engraved in gold, and the
decorations golden in color.

GOVERNOR OF A STATE--HOW ADDRESSED. An official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor,
sir, to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Governor
Wilson, and ends: Believe me, most sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope is: Governor
John J. Wilson.

GRAPES AND PLUMS should be eaten one by one, and
the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the
half-closed hand and then transferred to the
plate.

GROOM. The groom selects his best man, usually
an unmarried intimate friend, though a married
man or widower is permissible. After
consultation with the bride he calls upon the
clergyman, the organist, the sexton, and invites
the ushers.

When he is informed by his bride of the
day selected for the wedding, he should ask
her mother to accept the day agreed upon.

He may make what present he desires to
the bride, and, if he also wishes, to the brides-
maids. If any gifts are sent to the groom,
they should bear his name or cipher.

He should furnish the bride's family with
a list of names of persons to whom he desires
to have invitations sent, designating his
preference for those to be asked to the wedding
breakfast or reception.

BEFORE CEREMONY. The day before the ceremony,
or sooner, he gives into the safe-
keeping of the best man the ring and the fee
for the clergyman.

He also sends or hands the marriage license
(if one is needed) to the officiating
clergyman before the ceremony.

CHURCH, It is not customary for the groom to
see his bride on the wedding-day till he
meets her at the altar. The groom and the
best man usually breakfast together on the
wedding-day and arrive in ample time at the
church.

Upon the arrival of the bride in the
vestibule, the clergyman enters the chancel,
followed by the groom and the best man. The
groom then steps forward, and stands at the
left of the clergyman, facing the audience. It
is a good plan for both the groom and best
man to leave their hats in the vestry, but if
the groom has not done so, he gives his hat
and gloves to the best man on the approach
of the bride, and advances to meet her. He
gives her his left arm, and together they stand
before the clergyman.

At the proper moment he receives the ring
from the best man and hands it to the bride.
It is no longer in good form for him to kiss
the bride after the ceremony, but after receiving
the congratulations of the clergyman
to give her his right arm, and together they
lead the procession to the vestibule.

CLERGYMAN. While the bride selects the officiating
clergyman, it is the place of the groom
to call upon him in regard to the details, and
to pay him the fee.

If the clergyman from any cause--as, living
outside of the State--cannot legally perform
the ceremony, a magistrate should be present
to legalize the marriage, and should receive
a fee.

DRESS-EVENING WEDDING. He wears full
evening dress.

DRESS-MORNING OR AFTERNOON WEDDING.
He wears afternoon dress, consisting of a
double-breasted frock coat of dark material,
waistcoat, single or double (preferably the
latter), of same material, or more usually of
some fancy material of late design. The
trousers should be of light pattern, avoiding
extremes. The linen should be white, and
the tie white or light material, and the gloves
of gray suede. These, with patent-leather
shoes and a silk hat, complete the costume.

EXPENSES. He pays for the license fee, the
organist's fee, and a fee to the sexton.

Nothing less than five dollars in gold,
clean bills, or a check in a sealed envelope,
or more, according to social position and
financial income, should be the clergyman's
fee. Should there be one or two additional
clergymen, he pays a fee to each, the fee of
the officiating clergyman being double that
of the others.

He pays for the carriages of the ushers,
the one for himself and the best man, and
the one which takes away the married couple
on their wedding trip.

He pays for the bouquet carried by the
bride, and, if he wishes, for the bouquets
carried by the bridesmaids. He also pays for
the cuff-buttons or scarf-pins, and, if he
wishes, for the gloves and neckties given
to the ushers and the best man.

He pays for the wedding-ring--a plain gold
one, with initials of bride and groom and
date of marriage engraved thereon. He may
also present some souvenirs to the
bridesmaids.

He may give a farewell dinner a few
evenings before the wedding to his best man,
ushers, and a few intimate friends. He sits
at the head of the table and the best man
opposite, and on this occasion he may give
the scarf-pins or cuff-buttons, also neckties
and gloves, if he wishes, to the best man and
ushers.

FAREWELL DINNER. See BACHELOR'S FAREWELL
DINNER.

GLOVES. At a morning or afternoon wedding,
the groom wears gray suede gloves.

At an evening wedding he wears white kid
gloves.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride and groom
enter first, and are seated at the principal
table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The groom and his bride
stand side by side and receive the
congratulations of all present. The guests serve
them refreshments.

See also BEST MAN. BRIDE. USHERS. All
items under WEDDINGS.

GROOM'S FAMILY. See FAMILY OF GROOM.

GROOM'S FATHER. See FATHER OF GROOM.

GROOM'S MOTHER. See MOTHER OF GROOM.

GUESTS.

GUEST OF HONOR AT BALLS, if the ball is given
in honor of some special person, he should be
met on his arrival, introduced to the women
of the reception committee, escorted to the
seat prepared for him, and be attended to the
whole evening by the management of the ball.

At the end of the ball, he should be escorted
to his carriage.

LATE AT DINNERS. When a guest arrives late
he should make a short and suitable apology
to the hostess, and then take his seat as
quickly and as quietly as possible.

The hostess shakes hands with the guest,
but does not rise unless the guest is a woman.

The host should in either case rise and
meet the guest, and assist him in finding his
seat, and endeavor, by making the conversation
general, to distract attention from the
event.

For duties of guests, see other functions--
as, BALLS--GUESTS, CHRISTENINGS--GUESTS, etc.

HAND-SHAKING--INTRODUCTIONS. Women and men on
being introduced may shake hands, but it is
not good form. A polite bow, a smile, and
friendly recognition is more correct. If an
advance is made by either party, it should be
immediately accepted.

HAT.

MEN--CALLING. When making a formal or
brief call, the hat should be carried in the
hand into the parlor.

In apologizing to a woman, opening a door,
or rendering any service to a woman in public,
or in answering a question, the hat should
be raised.

When seeing a woman to her carriage, he
should raise his hat upon closing the
carriage door. When attentions are offered by
another man to a woman whom he is escorting,
a man raises his hat in acknowledgment
of the courtesy and thanks the party.

In a street-car a man raises his hat when
giving his seat to a woman.

On the railroad a man removes his hat in
the parlor-car, but not in the day coach.

In an elevator a man should remove his
hat in the presence of women.

In hotels where corridors are reserved and
used as places of meeting and recreation by
the guests, no hats should be worn. Standing
uncovered when talking to a woman on
the street is generally embarrassing to her,
and it is better to make a polite bow and
replace it after a few seconds.

MOURNING. A crape band around the hat should
be worn--the width of the band being
determined by the character of the bereavement.

HIGH TEA. This is an elaborate entertainment,
and an elaborate menu is generally served.

CALLS. Calls should be made in person one week
after the event.

GUESTS. Guests wear evening dress, and should
not remain more than half an hour.

INVITATIONS. These are engraved, and the
hour for the entertainment specified. They
should be issued in the name of the hostess
only, except in such cases when the entertainment
is the occasion of a debut or another
woman assists, in which event her
name appears likewise.

The invitations should be promptly accepted
or declined.

MEN. Full dress is worn, but men do not wear
gloves.

WOMEN. Full dress is worn.

HOME WEDDINGS. Weddings at the homes of the
brides vary much, according to the taste of
the participants. The ushers, bridesmaids,
best man, and maid of honor are generally
dispensed with; but if present, their duties
are the same as at a church wedding, with
minor differences.

The clergyman stands in a large room
decorated with flowers, facing the audience,
with the groom beside him. The bride enters
on the arm of her father, followed by the
bridesmaids and ushers, and the ceremony
proceeds as at a church, with the usual
congratulations to the groom and best wishes to
the bride.

Refreshments are served, either formal or
informal. At an afternoon ceremony men
wear the regulation afternoon dress, and if
in the evening, the usual evening dress.

HONEYMOON, See WEDDING TRIP.

HONOR, SEAT OF. The seat of honor is at the right
of the host.

HOST.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS--HOST.

BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELORS' DINNERS--
HOST.

BACHELORS' TEAS. See BACHELORS' TEAS--HOST.

BALLS. See BALLS--HOST.

DANCES. See DANCES (FORMAL)--HOST.

DINNERS. See DINNERS--HOST.

MATINEES. See MATINEES--HOST.

THEATRES. See THEATRE AND OPERA PARTIES
GIVEN BY MEN.

HOSTESS.

INTRODUCTIONS. Introductions to the hostess at
an "At Home" or reception by women
assisting hostess, to those who have been invited
to the entertainment by them, are not
recognized thereafter unless by mutual consent.

The hostess receiving in her own home
should offer her hand to all to whom she is
introduced.

The hostess introduces her immediate family
to all her guests. No formal permission
is necessary.

In the case of one woman desiring an introduction
to another, the hostess should be
asked to bring this about.

INTRODUCTIONS BY CHAPERONES. At entertainments
both the chaperone and her protege
should enter together, and the chaperone
should introduce her protege to the hostess.

WOMEN CALLING UPON. When calling formally
upon a hostess, a woman should leave a card,
whether the hostess was at home or not.

When a son enters society, his mother,
when calling, can leave his cards for him, and
invitations to entertainments will follow. If
it is impossible for him to leave cards for himself
she may continue to do so.

WOMEN LEAVING CARDS ON. When a mother
leaves her daughter's card, it is for the hostess
only.

HIGH TEAS. See HIGH TEAS--HOSTESS.

HOUSE PARTIES. See HOUSE PARTIES--HOSTESS.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS--HOSTESS.

MATINEES. See MATINEES--HOSTESS.

SHAKING HANDS. See SHAKING HANDS--HOST.

WEDDINGS. See MOTHER OF BRIDE.

HOURS.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS--HOURS.

BREAKFASTS. See BREAKFASTS--HOURS.

CALLS. See CALLS--HOURS.

DINNERS. See DINNERS--HOURS.

GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES--HOURS.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS--HOURS.

MUSICALES. See MUSICALES--HOURS.

RECEPTIONS. See RECEPTIONS--HOURS.

WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS--HOURS.

HOUSE FUNERALS. See FUNERALS--HOUSE.

HOUSE PARTIES. These usually refer to a group of congenial
persons, numbering from four to
twenty-four, and visiting country homes,
making a stay of a few days or a few weeks.

DRESS. The length of the visit and the nature
of the house party determines the extent of
wardrobe necessary. A guest should carry
at least three changes of suits--one for the
morning, one suitable for afternoon entertainments,
picnics, etc., and the regulation
evening dress.

GUEST. To be a welcome guest the visitor
should accommodate himself as much as possible
to the plans of his hostess and the ways
of the home life.

A visitor should avoid the common mistake
of refusing to make a choice when a
choice is offered.

A guest should try to be congenial with
the other guests, kind to the servants, and
to be considerate of all others.

EXPENSES. The hostess should furnish transportation
for both guests and baggage to and
from the station.

Each guest should pay for all expenses incurred
by him, and be especially careful, in
the case of sickness or misfortune, that some
items are not overlooked.

LETTER AFTER DEPARTURE. If the visit has
been more than two days, the guest should
write a short letter to the hostess, telling
of the pleasure the visit gave them and their
safe journey home.

A guest so desiring might send some trifle
as a gift to the hostess.

TIPPING SERVANTS. Unless a hostess positively
requests her guests not to tip, a guest,
when leaving at the end of a visit at a private
house, should remember the servants.
The average American, from lack of a definite
standard, too often errs on the side of
giving too much.

Those giving personal service should be
remembered, as well as those who render service--
as, the coachman and outside servants.

HOSTESS. While careful to provide entertainment
for her guests, a hostess should be careful
not to overentertain, and to allow each guest
ample time in which to enjoy themselves
any way they please. If an entertainment
is planned for the afternoon, it is well to
leave the mornings open, and VICE VERSA.

The success of the hostess depends on her
making the guests feel free from care and
ENNUI.

CARING FOR THE SICK. In addition to the regular
care of the guest's room and attention to
his comfort and pleasure, a hostess should
double her energies in case her guest is sick.

She is not called upon to pay for the expenses
of telegrams, doctor's bills, medicines,
etc., contracted by the guest. If a
guest departed without attending to these
matters, the hostess would have to pay for
them.

GIVING FAREWELL, To VISITORS. A hostess
should, in bidding farewell to her visitors,
see that she does not overdo it.

While it is not strictly necessary that a
hostess should accompany a guest to the depot,
yet many still follow this rule, especially in
the case of an unmarried woman, and are
careful to see to all the details of checking
baggage, etc.

In the case of a bachelor, such attention
is not necessary.

A hostess conveys at her own expense both
the guest and baggage to and from the
station.

GREETING VISITORS. When an hour of arrival
is specified in an invitation, the guest
should be met at the station, especially an
unmarried woman, by the hostess or host.
In case of married couples or bachelors, a
man servant may meet them.

In all cases the hostess should arrange for
the conveyance of both the guests and their
luggage.

A hostess accompanies a woman to the
guest chamber, but sends a man servant
with a bachelor to the latter's room.

INVITATIONS. These should state definitely
when a visit is to begin and to end. It is
also a good plan to allude in the invitation
to any special amusement or entertainment.

These invitations should be answered
promptly.

MEN--DRESS. A man should carry with him
one business suit, evening clothes, and one
outing suit suitable for afternoon entertainments
--as, picnics, tennis, etc. This is almost
indispensable, and more depends upon the
nature of the entertainments and the length
of the visit.

WOMEN--DRESS. A woman should take at least
three changes of dress--one to travel in and
wear in the morning, one for evening wear,
and a third for afternoon picnics, outings,
etc. The length of her visit and the nature of
the entertainments and her individual taste
determines how much she may increase this.

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, MEMBER OF. An official
letter begins: SIR, and ends: I HAVE, SIR, THE
HONOR TO REMAIN YOUR MOST OBEDIENT SERVANT.

A social letter begins: MY DEAR MR. WILSON
and ends: I HAVE THE HONOR TO REMAIN MOST
SINCERELY YOURS.

The address on the envelope is: HON. JOHN
F. WILSON.

HUSBAND AND WIFE--CARDS, VISITING. See CARDS,
VISITING-HUSBAND AND WIFE.

IN MEMORIAM CARDS. Printed or engraved notes, or
special cards, can be used, and should be
heavily bordered. Custom allows much diversity
as to the contents of the card. Place
and date of birth, residence, date of death,
and any other information of interest to
friends and relatives may be given.

INFANT'S CARDS. The full name of the child should
be engraved, with date of birth in lower
left-hand corner, enclosed in envelope with
mother's card, and sent by mail. Such cards
are generally held together with white ribbon.

INFORMAL AFTERNOON TEAS. These are the usual afternoon
teas. By formal afternoon teas are
meant those for which specially engraved
cards have been issued, and at which all the
arrangements are more elaborate.

See AFTERNOON TEAS.

INTERIOR, SECRETARY OF--HOW ADDRESSED. An official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the
honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain most
sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary Of The Interior.

INTRODUCTIONS. One should be careful in making introductions.
It is easier to evade than to cause
disagreeable complications. It is unpardonable
to introduce one party to another after
having been warned not to do so.

Forgetting a person's name when about to
introduce is awkward, and when it does
occur, one should apologize and ask name.
If a person fails to hear the name, it is proper
to inform the one to whom you are introduced
and to say: "Pardon me, but I failed to
hear your name." In making introductions
one should distinctly pronounce the names.

Parents should not speak of or introduce
their children as MISS ANNA, but simply
MY DAUGHTER ANNA. Only before servants
should they be spoken of as MISS ANNA.

Persons of celebrity should have introductions
made to them. Men should always be
introduced to women, the younger to an
elder person, and unmarried persons to the
married. Persons at an entertainment are
introduced to the guest of the occasion.

Women and men on being introduced may
shake hands, but it is not good form. A
polite bow, a smile, and friendly recognition
is more correct.

Those invited to an entertainment are on
equal footing; it is therefore not necessary
to introduce one to another. Conversation
may be held without this formality, though
introductions may take place if desired.
When an introduction occurs, future recognition
is not warranted. For this reason
great care should be exercised at entertainments
that only those who are congenial to
each other should be brought together.

At small gatherings it is more kindly to
introduce. When many are present, it is not
customary to do so.

Introductions should not take place in a
church or on the steps.

It is quite proper to introduce one group
to another without formality at any outdoor
function--athletic games, etc. Such introductions
need not imply further acquaintance
if undesirable.

DANCING. The man must be introduced to the
woman, and he should ask her for the privilege
of a dance.

ENTERTAINMENTS. Introductions are not absolutely
required at musicales, teas, "At
Homes," etc. One may converse with those
nearest, but this does not warrant future
recognition.

MEN. Men are introduced to women and single
men to married men.

When introduced to a woman, a man
should bow but not shake hands, and make
some pleasant observations, and express
pleasure at the introduction.

When introduced to another man, the
man should shake hands.

Business introductions are immediate and
personal, and are intended to bring men
together without much formality. No formality
is required in introducing one man to
another on casual meeting.

It is well to avoid exaggerated expressions,
as: "Delighted to meet you," or
"Glad to know you." A simple "How do
you do" is better.

A man introducing another to a woman
should first ask her permission to do so.
This gained, he introduces him with the
remark: "Mr. Smith desires to be introduced
to Miss Wilson."

A woman's permission should first be obtained
by the party introducing. Very often
off-hand introductions take place; but it is
better to be more formal and careful, as indicated.
If she evades or declines, a man
should accept it without any show of feeling,
and make it as easy for her as possible.

After an introduction at an entertainment,
when a man meets the woman on the street,
she should bow first if she desires to continue
the acquaintance.

CHAPERONE. A man should never be introduced
direct by card or letter to a young unmarried
woman. If he desires to be introduced, the
letter or card of introduction should be addressed
to her chaperone or mother, who may
then introduce him to the young woman if
she deems it advisable.

At an entertainment a chaperone may ask
a young man if he wishes to be introduced
to the one under her care.

FORMULA. A good formula for men is: "Mr.
Brown, may I present Mr. Clark?"

A man presenting a man friend to a woman
should say: "Mr. Williams desires to be
presented to Miss Wilson. Miss Wilson,
allow me to introduce Mr. Williams. This is
Mr. Williams, Miss Wilson."

The formality is sometimes waved, and the
forms, "This is Mr. So and So, Miss Jones,"
"Mrs. Smith, Miss Jones," or "Allow me to
present ----," are used when casual meetings
occur.

PARTY INTRODUCED. After receiving call of
party to whom you have been introduced,
the visit should be returned. If AT HOME
card was left, the call should be made only
on the days specified; if an ordinary card,
call at any time within three to ten days.

If the party introduced leaves town, he
should send his card to his late host before
leaving; upon his return, he should leave
his card again.

PARTY INTRODUCING BY CARD--WOMEN. A
note of explanation may be sent by party who
brings about the introduction to the party to
whom the introduction is made, giving such
explanations as may be deemed advisable.

Two cards should be used--a person's own
card and the card of the party being introduced,
enclosed in envelope, and sent by
mail or messenger. On the left corner over
name of party introduced should be written:
INTRODUCING MR. WILSON

PARTY INTRODUCING BY LETTER--WOMEN.
Care should be exercised that the introduction
is agreeable to all concerned.

RECEPTIONS. The man should express desire
for an introduction.

WOMEN. Women calling and meeting others may
be introduced to each other by the hostess.
Upon such an occasion, when a meeting happens
between women, conversation may take
place between them without an introduction.
It does not imply further acquaintance if not
desired.

Extreme etiquette demands that no two
women of the same locality be introduced to
each other without the consent of both parties.
The object of this is that, although the parties
may be agreeable to the hostess, they may
be objectionable to each other.

Women upon being introduced to each
other may shake hands, but a slight inclination
of the body, a smile, and an appropriate
remark are more correct.

When entering a room where others are
assembled, introducing a guest to more than
one person at a time is unadvisable.

Men are introduced to women, single
women to married women, and a young
woman to an older one.

No woman should allow a man to be introduced
to her unless her permission has been
first obtained. The exception would be in the
case of a very elderly man, or a celebrity,
when the honor would be conferred upon her.

A married woman to whom a man is presented
receives him with some pleasant remark.
An unmarried one receives him with
a pleasant smile and repeats his name.

Personal introduction is done by a third
party introducing two persons to each other,
provided it is agreeable to all concerned. Introductions
should be made with extreme
care and caution, and not at all unless one is
well acquainted with both parties.

Outdoor Introductions--as, when meeting
others, or at outdoor sports--need not be
formal, but can be done haphazard. This
does not imply further acquaintance if not
desired.

FORMULA. A woman should introduce her husband
to acquaintances as "My husband,"
and not "Mr."; to intimate friends as
"Henry."

HOSTESS. Introductions to the hostess at an
"At Home," or reception by women assisting
hostess, of those who have been invited to
the entertainment by them, are not recognized
thereafter unless by mutual consent.

The hostess receiving in her own home
should offer her hand to all to whom she is
introduced.

The hostess introduces her immediate family
to all her guests. No formal permission
is necessary.

In the case of one woman desiring an introduction
to another, the hostess should be
asked to bring this about.

INTRODUCTION, LETTERS OF. The introduction of one
person to another by letter is as follows: The
party introducing writes the name of the party
he introduces upon his own card, and above
his name the words: Introducing Mr. Wilson
(his friend's name). It is then placed in an
envelope and addressed to the person to whom
the introduction is to be made. On the
lower left-hand corner of the envelope, Introducing
Mr. Wilson, is written, and given to
the bearer unsealed.

The party to whom a letter of introduction
is given should send it by mail to the party
they desire to be introduced to, enclosing
their own card with address, and then await
invitation to call.

This is preferable to calling in person, as
it may not be agreeable or desirable for the
party to open and begin such an acquaintance.

In business introduction, such formality
may be set aside.

If a letter of introduction is personally delivered,
the party presenting it should also
enclose card.

If the party called upon is not at home,
the letter or card should not be left, but sent
by mail or messenger.

The one giving another a letter of introduction
may write to the friend explaining
why it is done, who and what the party is.

If a man sends a letter of introduction to
a woman, she should acknowledge it, and, if
she wishes, invite him to call.

PARTY RECEIVING--WOMEN. The party receiving
cards of introduction should call in person
upon woman introduced; if unable to do
so, a letter should be sent, stating reasons of
inability to be present. A member of the
family may make the call instead. It should
be done within three days.

If not agreeable to receive party for any
reason, a card may be sent or left. No personal
visit need be made.

INVALID'S CALLS. A woman unable to call from sickness
may have her calls made for her by her
sister, or daughter, or some female relative.

INVITATIONS. Care should be exercised in inviting
new acquaintances to breakfast, luncheon, or
dinner, unless there are some particular
reasons why they will be especially agreeable
to those invited.

All invitations should be sent by mail.

Verbal invitations should be avoided as
much as possible, and if a verbal one is given,
it should be followed immediately by one in
writing.

ACCEPTING OR DECLINING. Invitations to all
entertainments, when answers are expected,
should be acknowledged by a written letter
of acceptance or regret. The answer should
be sent to the person or committee issuing the
invitation.

Invitations to dinners, musicales, weddings,
and breakfasts should be answered at
once, and those to balls, dances, and receptions
within one week.

Invitations to ordinary "At Homes," teas,
or weddings, which do not include invitations
to the wedding breakfast or reception,
need no acknowledgment.

The invitations sent to a family--as,
mother, or daughter, or several daughters--
may be answered by one person for all. But
invitations sent to the men of the family
should be answered by each man.

When it is found necessary to decline after
accepting an invitation, a card should be sent
the evening of the entertainment with an explanatory
letter the day following.

BALLS. Invitations to balls or assemblies should
be answered immediately, and if declined the
ticket should be returned.

DANCING. While a woman may accept or decline
any invitation to dance, it is considered a
discourteous act to refuse one man and to accept
thereafter from another an invitation to
the same dance.

WEDDINGS. Such invitations should be answered
at once, except when the invitation does not
include an invitation to the wedding reception
or breakfast, in which case no answer is
needed.

ADDRESSING. When invitations are sent to a
husband and wife and daughter, only one envelope
is needed, the daughter's name appearing
under her parents. Separate envelopes
should be addressed to two daughters--as,
Misses Wilson.

Separate envelopes should be addressed to
each son.

MEN. If an invitation is sent to a man, he should
answer it himself; but if sent to a man and
wife, the latter may answer for both.

TO CALL WITH CHAPERONE'S PERMISSION. If
permission is asked, and if agreeable, a chaperone
should invite a man to call upon her and
her protege.

Every effort should be made to call at the
specified time.

TO CALL ON WOMEN. If a woman invites a man
to call without specifying the time, it is
equivalent to no invitation at all.

TO CALL ON WOMEN THROUGH LETTERS OF
INTRODUCTION. If a man having a letter
of introduction sends the same by mail to a
woman, it should be acknowledged by a written
invitation to call. If the person receiving
the letter does not care to receive the party, a
card is sent which ends the matter.

R. S. V. P. The use of these letters--standing
for "Repondez, s'il vous plait" (Answer, if you
please)--is decreasing. All invitations bearing
these letters should be answered at once.

These may be used on invitations to ceremonious
receptions, breakfasts, luncheons,
dinners, and to meet a prominent person.

WIFE. When a husband and wife are invited to
a dinner, and the former does not accept,
the wife should also decline and give her
reasons. The hostess can then invite the
wife only, who may accept.

WOMEN. A young woman receiving an invitation
to a man's supper, tea, or dinner, may
accept, if she has the consent of her mother
or chaperone, and is assured that a chaperone
will be present.

WOMEN--THEATRE. Women receiving an invitation
from a man for the theatre should have
the consent of mother or chaperone, and when
they accept, may, with propriety, request
their escort not to provide a carriage unless
full dress on their part is requested.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS--INVITATIONS.
AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL)--INVITATIONS.

AT HOMES.
See AT HOMES--INVITATIONS.

BACHELORS' DINNERS.
See BACHELORS' DINNERS--INVITATIONS.

BACHELORS' TEAS.
See BACHELORS' TEAS--INVITATIONS.

BALLS.
See BALLS--INVITATIONS.

BREAKFASTS.
See BREAKFASTS--INVITATIONS.

BRIDE.
See BRIDE--INVITATIONS.

CHRISTENINGS.
See CHRISTENINGS--INVITATIONS.

COTILLIONS.
See COTILLIONS--INVITATIONS.
See COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS--INVITATIONS.

MUSICALES.
See MUSICALES--INVITATIONS.

PALL-BEARERS.
See PALL-BEARERS--INVITATIONS.

PARTIES.
See PARTIES--INVITATIONS.

TELEPHONE.
See TELEPHONE INVITATIONS.

THEATRE.
See THEATRE AND OPERA PARTIES
GIVEN BY MEN--INVITATIONS.

VERBAL.
See VERBAL INVITATIONS.

IVORY WEDDING. This is the thirtieth wedding anniversary,
and is not usually celebrated. If,
however, it is done, the invitations may bear
the words: NO PRESENTS RECEIVED, and in accepting
or declining the invitation congratulations
may be extended. Any article of ivory is appropriate
as a gift. An entertainment is usually
provided.

JEWELRY--MEN. Jewelry, except the very plainest,
should not be worn, and in general the less
the better. A display of diamonds and fancy
jewelry betrays the poor taste of the wearer.

A man wearing the pins and badges of
secret societies should see that they are small
and unobtrusive, for in jewelry, as in all
matters of dress, quality rather than quantity
is to be desired.

JR. When the son is named after the father, he
adds Jr. to his name. Upon the death of the
father he omits it. This abbreviation is
sometimes added to a woman's name on her
card when her husband has the same name as
his father, and it is necessary to distinguish
between the cards of the daughter-in-law
and the mother-in-law.

If the mother-in-law should become a
widow and wish to retain the husband's
baptismal name, she should add Sr., while
her daughter would erase Jr.

If both become widows, and wish to
retain their husband's Christian names, the
daughter-in-law should add Jr.

JUSTICE OF THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT--HOW
ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir,
and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain
your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Justice Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Mr. Justice
John J. Wilson.

KING OF ENGLAND--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Sir, may it please your Majesty, and
ends: I have the honor to remain your Majesty's
most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Sir, and ends:
I have the honor to remain your Majesty's
most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To His
Most Gracious Majesty, King Edward.

KISS, WEDDING. The kiss in the wedding ceremony
is being done away with, especially at church
weddings. Only the bride's parents and her
most intimate friends should kiss her, and
for others to do so is no longer good form.

KNIFE AND FORK. The knife is always held in the
right hand, and is only used for cutting the
food. The fork is used not only in eating
fish, meat, vegetables, and made dishes, but
also ices, frozen puddings, melons, salads,
oysters, clams, lobsters, and terrapin.

The knife should never be used to carry
food to the mouth.

See also SPOON.

KNIGHT--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
sir, your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Sir John Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, dear Sir John,
faithfully yours.

The address on the envelope is: To Sir
John Wilson.

WIFE OF. See Wife of Knight.

LAUNDRESS--TIPS. Guests at the end of a house
party do not tip the laundress unless she has
done special work for them.

LEATHER WEDDING. This is the twelfth anniversary
of the wedding-day, and is not usually observed.
If, however, it is observed, the invitations
may bear the words: No presents
received, and congratulations may be extended
in its acceptance or declination. Any
article of leather would be an appropriate
gift. An entertainment usually follows.

LETTERS.

ADDRESSING.
See ADDRESSING AND SIGNING LETTERS,
and also under title of person addressed
--as, GOVERNOR, MAYOR, etc.

WRITTEN AFTER HOUSE PARTIES. If the visit
has been more than two days in length, a
guest should write to the hostess a short
letter, telling of his pleasant visit and safe
journey home.

CONCLUSION OF. See CONCLUSION OF A LETTER.

OF CONDOLENCE. See CONDOLENCE, LETTERS OF.

OF INTRODUCTION. See INTRODUCTION, LETTERS OF.

LETTUCE leaves should not be cut, but folded up with
a fork, and then lifted to the mouth. In the
event of these being too large for this treatment,
they should be broken into suitable
pieces with the fork.

LICENSE, MARRIAGE. A license, when required by
State law, should be obtained by the groom
and handed to the officiating clergyman the
day before the ceremony. Usually a small fee
is charged, and the details, when entered upon
the clerk's records, are open to public inspection.
The day need not be named, and until
the marriage is solemnized the license has no
binding effect.

LUNCHEONS. Usually only women are invited to
these entertainments. Oddities, such as pink,
blue, and yellow luncheons, are not in good
taste. They should be as simple as possible.

Informal luncheons are the same as informal
breakfasts. A more formal luncheon
is proper when introducing a special guest.

Small tables are used, and diagrams of their
arrangement are placed in the dressing-room,
designating the places of the guests.

CALLS. Calls should be made a week after
entertainment.

WOMEN. Women dress in visiting toilettes and
wear their bonnets, laying aside their wraps
in the dressing-room. Gloves should be removed
at table.

After coffee, the guests should take their
leave, making some gracious remark to the
hostess.

Calls should be made a week after the
entertainment.

GIVEN BY BACHELORS. See Bachelors' Luncheons.

GUESTS. Only women, as a rule, attend luncheons.
For further details, see LUNCHEONS--WOMEN.

HOSTESS. Introductions take place in the parlor.
At the appointed hour the hostess leads the
way to the drawing-room, followed by the
guests.

The hostess and principal guest should sit
at one of the centre-tables. Between the
courses the hostess and two of the women
seated with her rise and change seats with
others. This may be done by others also if
they desire. They take their napkins with
them.

HOURS. The hour is from 1 to 2 P.M.

INTRODUCTIONS. Introductions take place in the
parlor.

INVITATIONS. Cards are engraved, and sent two
weeks in advance.

MEN--LEAVING CARDS. If men are invited, they
should, after a luncheon, leave a card for host
and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted
or not; or it may be sent by mail or
messenger, with an apology for so doing.

MAIDS--TIPS. It is customary for guests leaving
after a visit at a private house to remember
the maid who has taken care of the room
by giving her a reasonable tip. A woman
should give more for extra attention.

MAID OF HONOR. This important person is selected
by the bride, and acts for her in all details,
being virtually mistress of ceremonies and filling
a position requiring administrative ability
and tact. She acts in the same capacity as
the best man does for the groom.

She is invited, of course, to the dinner
given by the bride to the bridesmaids.

She fulfils whatever duties the bride has
been unable, from press of time, to attend to
--as, making calls, etc.

CHURCH. She goes to the church with one of
the parents of the bride, and meets the bride
and the bridesmaids in the vestibule. In the
procession she follows behind the bridesmaids,
and precedes the flower girl, if there
is one--otherwise the bride. On their arrival
at the altar she takes her place by the side of
the bride, and is ready at the plighting of the
troth to take the bride's glove and bouquet,
and returns them to her at the end of the
ceremony.

After the congratulations of the clergyman,
she parts the bridal veil, arranges the
bride's train, and follows the bride down the
aisle to the vestibule.

Here, after giving her best wishes to the
bride, she takes her carriage to the bride's
house to take part in the reception or breakfast.

DAY OF WEDDING. She should be at the house
of the bride on the morning of the wedding-day
to assist the bride's mother, to see that
the trousseau is all ready and packed, that
the bridesmaids are on time, and to attend
to the many details liable to arise.

DRESS. Her dress should be some delicate color
other than white, so as not to detract from
the bride, and should be subdued in comparison.
It may be, and usually is, more
elegant in quality than that of the bridesmaids.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The best man escorts the
maid of honor, and they are usually seated
at the bridal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. She stands next the
bride to receive with her, and also retires
with her to assist the latter in exchanging
her wedding dress for the traveling-dress.

It is her privilege to cast a slipper at the
carriage which takes away the married
couple, and her duty to prepare packages of
rice, which are given to the guests to be
thrown after the married couple as they
leave the house.

MAIL, INVITATIONS SENT BY. All invitations should be
sent by mail and verbal ones avoided.

MAIL OR MESSENGER, SENDING CARDS BY.
See CARDS, VISITING--SENDING BY MAIL OR MESSENGER.

MAN SERVANTS--TIPS. It is customary for a man,
at the end of a house party, to give to the
man servant who has acted as his valet a
suitable tip.

MARCHIONESS-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor
to remain your Ladyship's most obedient
servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Most Noble the Marchioness of Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Kent, very
sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Marchioness of Kent.

MARCHIONESS, DOWAGER--HOW ADDRESSED. An official
letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have
the honor to remain your Ladyship's most
obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Kent, very
sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope in both cases
is: To the Dowager Marchioness of Kent, or
To Mary, Marchioness of Kent.

MARQUIS--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
My Lord Marquis, and ends: I have the
honor to be your Lordship's obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Most Noble the Marquis of Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lord Kent
and ends: Believe me, Lord Kent, very sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Marquis of Kent.

MARQUIS.

DAUGHTER OF. See DAUGHTER OF MARQUIS.

WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF. See WIFE OF
YOUNGER SON OF MARQUIS.

YOUNGER SON OF. See SON (YOUNGER) OF MARQUIS.

MARKING WEDDING PRESENTS. While it is not strictly
necessary that wedding presents be marked,
yet it is customary, and they should always
be marked with the bride's maiden name, unless
specially intended for the groom's individual
use.

MATINEES. Proper music should be provided.

The refreshment-room should be within
easy reach. Light dainties should be served
occasionally to those not caring to go to the
refreshment-room.

DRESS. If after six o'clock, evening dress should
be worn; otherwise, afternoon dress.

HOST. The head of the house need not be present.

HOSTESS. The hostess and those assisting her
should not dance, unless all her guests are
provided with partners or are otherwise
entertained.

INVITATIONS. These may be written or engraved,
with Dancing and the hour for beginning in
the lower left-hand corner. They should be
sent two weeks in advance, and should be
promptly answered.

MEN. Gloves should be worn when dancing.
See also BALLS. COTILLIONS. DANCES. DANCING.

MAYOR OF A CITY--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Sir, or Your Honor, and ends: I
have the honor, sir, to remain your obedient
servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mayor
Wilson, or, Dear Mr. Wilson, and ends:
Believe me, most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: His Honor,
the Mayor of Kent, John J. Wilson.

MEN.

ADDRESSING ENVELOPES. See ADDRESSING
ENVELOPES--MEN.

AFTERNOON DRESS. See AFTERNOON DRESS--MEN.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS--MEN.

BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELORS' DINNERS--MEN.

BACHELORS' TEAS. See BACHELORS' TEAS--MEN.

BALLS. See BALLS--MEN.

BICYCLING. See BICYCLING--MEN.

BOWING. See BOWING--MEN.

BREAKFASTS. See BREAKFASTS--MEN.

CALLS. See CALLS--MEN.

CARDS. See CARDS, VISITING--MEN.

CHAPERONES. See CHAPERONES--MEN.

CHRISTENINGS. See CHRISTENINGS--MEN.

CONCLUSION OF LETTERS. See CONCLUSION OF A LETTER--MEN.

COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS. See COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS--MEN.

DANCES. See DANCES--MEN.

DANCING. See DANCING--MEN.

DEBUTANTE. See DEBUTANTE--MEN.

DINNERS. See DINNERS--MEN.

DRIVING. See DRIVING--MEN.

DRESS. See DRESS--MEN.

ENGAGEMENT. See ENGAGEMENT--MEN.

EVENING DRESS. See EVENING DRESS--MEN.

FLOWERS. See FLOWERS--MEN.

FUNERALS. See FUNERALS--MEN.

GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES--MEN.

GLOVES. See GLOVES--MEN.

HIGH TEA. See HIGH TEA--MEN.

HOUSE PARTIES. See HOUSE PARTIES--MEN.

INTRODUCTIONS. See INTRODUCTIONS--MEN.

INVITATIONS. See INVITATIONS--MEN.

JEWELRY. See JEWELRY--MEN.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS--MEN.

MORNING DRESS. See MORNING DRESS--MEN.

MOURNING. See MOURNING--MEN.

NEWCOMER, RESIDENTS' DUTY TO. See NEWCOMER,
RESIDENTS' DUTY TO MEN.
RIDING. See RIDING--MEN.

SALUTATIONS. See SALUTATIONS--MEN.

SHAKING HANDS. See SHAKING HANDS--MEN.

STATIONERY. See STATIONERY--MEN.

STREET-CARS. See STREET-CARS--MEN.

STREET ETIQUETTE. See STREET ETIQUETTE--MEN.

THEATRE PARTIES. See THEATRE PARTIES--MEN.

TITLES. See TITLES--MEN.

TRAVELING. See TRAVELING--MEN.

WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS--MEN.

MESSENGER, SENDING CARDS BY. See CARDS, VISITING--
SENDING BY MAIL OR MESSENGER.

MINISTER (PROTESTANT)-HOW ADDRESSED, An official
letter begins: Reverend Dear Sir, and ends:
I remain sincerely yours.

A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I beg to remain sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: The
Reverend John J. Wilson. but if the clergyman
holds the degree of D.D. (Doctor of
Divinity), the address may be: The Reverend
John J. Wilson, D.D., or Reverend Dr. John
J. Wilson.

MINISTER. See CLERGYMAN.

MISS. This is the prefix both in conversation,
correspondence, and on the visiting-card of the
eldest daughter, the next daughter being
known as Miss Annie Smith; but on the
death or marriage of the eldest daughter, she
becomes Miss Smith.

MONOGRAMS. If men and women wish, these may
be stamped in the latest colors on their
stationery. When the address is stamped, it
is not customary to stamp the monogram.

The latest fashion in the style of monograms
require that they should be the size of
a ten-cent piece.

All individual eccentricities of facsimiles
of handwriting, etc., should be avoided.

It is not customary to have the monogram
on the flap of the envelope.

If sealing-wax is used, it should be of some
dull color.

MORNING DRESS.
MEN. Morning costume consists of a dark frock
coat, with vest and light trousers. This can
be worn at any entertainment occurring in
the daytime--as, weddings, luncheons, receptions
of all kinds, matinees, or ceremonious visits.

Anything worn is admissible in morning
dress, a business suit, cutaway, sack suit,
hats or caps, and undressed kid gloves of a
dark color.

At out-of-town resorts, golf, wheeling, and
yachting costumes suitable for outdoor sport
may be worn in the morning.

It is considered the correct thing for a man
to tie his own tie instead of buying them
ready made.

See also AFTERNOON DRESS--MEN. EVENING
DRESS--MEN.

MOTHER. A mother should receive an invitation for
any function to which her daughters are
invited, and should go and return with them.

DEBUTS. The mother and the elder unmarried
daughter, prior to the debut, calls formally
upon those who are to be invited. She
stands at her daughter's side to receive the
congratulations of the guests, and at a dance
she selects the first partner to dance with the
debutante, and at the dinner or supper is
escorted by the most distinguished man.
See also CHAPERONE.

MOTHER OF BRIDE. At the wedding reception she is
escorted by the father of the groom, and
receives with the married couple.

At the wedding breakfast she is escorted
by the father of the groom.

MOTHER OF GROOM. At the wedding reception she
receives with the married couple.

At the wedding breakfast she is taken in
by the father of the bride, following after
the ushers and the maids of honor.

MOURNING. Those in mourning for parent, child,
brother, or husband should not be seen at
any public function or private entertainment
before six months have passed.

CARDS. These are the same size as visiting-cards.
A black border is used, the width to be
regulated by the relationship to the deceased
relative.

They should be sent to indicate temporary
retirement from and re-entrance into society.

Within a month after death in a family
friends should leave cards. The persons
receiving the same should acknowledge the
remembrance and sympathy when they are
ready to resume their social functions. This
may be done by letter or card.

MEN. Mourning cards are the same size as
visiting-cards, and a black border is used, the
width to be regulated by the relationship of
deceased relative.

WOMEN. Mourning cards should be sent, to
indicate temporary retirement from society.
Later cards should be sent, to indicate return
to society.

CHILDREN. Children under twelve need not be
dressed in mourning, though they often are.
Only the lightest material should be used.
Girls of more advanced age do not wear veils,
but crape may be worn in hat or dress,
according to taste.

For parent, brother, or sister, mourning is
worn for about one year.

MEN. Men wear mourning one year for loss of
wife.

A crape band should be worn around the
hat, its width being determined by the
nearness of the relative mourned for. It is
usually removed after eight months.

A widower wears mourning for one year,
or, if he wishes, eighteen months, and for a
brother, sister, parent, or a child, from six
months to a year, as he desires. For the
loss of other relatives, duration of mourning
is generally regulated by the members of the
family.

The wearing of a black band on the coat
sleeve in token of half-mourning is an
English custom, and is somewhat practised in
this country.

STATIONERY-MEN. A widower uses a black
border about one-third of an inch on his
stationery, and this at intervals is diminished.

All stamping should be done in black.

WOMEN. A widow's stationery should be heavily
bordered, and is continued as long as she
is in deep mourning. This is gradually
decreased, in accordance with her change of
mourning.

All embossing or stamping should be done
in black.

WEDDINGS. Mourning should never be worn at
a wedding, but it should be laid aside
temporarily, the wearer appearing in purple.

WIDOWS. A widow should wear crape with a
bonnet having a small border of white. The
veil should be long, and worn over the face
for three months, after which a shorter veil
may be worn for a year, and then the face
may be exposed. After six months white
and lilac may be used, and colors resumed
after two years.

WOMEN. The mourning dress of a woman for
parent, sister, brother, or child is the same
as that worn by a widow, save the white
bonnet ruche--the unmistakable mark of a
widow.

For parents and children, deepest mourning
is worn at least one year, and then the
change is gradually made by the addition of
lighter material or half-mourning.

For other members of the family--as, aunts,
uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc.--black
clothes should be worn, but not heavy
mourning.

Complimentary mourning is worn for three
months; this does not necessitate crape and
veil, but any black material can be used.

WOMEN, FOR CHILDREN. For a child, mourning
is usually worn for six months, thereafter
substituting black and white.

FOR BROTHER AND SISTER, ETC. Mourning for
a brother or sister, step-parents, or grandparents
is the same as for parents, but the
time is shorter, generally about six months.
For an aunt, uncle, or cousin the time is
three months.

FOR FIANCE. In the event of the death of a
woman's betrothed shortly before the date of
the wedding, she may wear black for a short
period or full mourning for a year.

FOR HUSBANDS. Mourning cards are sent out, to
indicate that they are not making or receiving
calls.

Mourning is generally worn for two years,
and sometimes much longer. Woolen
material of the deepest black and crape
should be worn during the first year.

When out-of-doors a crape veil should be
worn for a year, or at least three months,
covering the face, or, if preferred, the veil
may be thrown over the shoulder, and a
small one of tulle, or other suitable material,
edged with crape, worn over the face.

A crape bonnet should be worn, and a very
small white ruche may be added if desired.

After the first year a gradual change to
lighter mourning may be made by discarding
the widow's cap and shortening the veil.
Dull silks are used in place of crape,
according to taste. In warm weather lighter
materials can be worn--as, pique, nun's
veiling, or white lawn.