Chapter V: Part 5

Black furs and sealskin may be worn.
Precious stones, such as diamonds and pearls,
may be used if mounted in black enamel.
Gold jewelry should not be used. A woman
should avoid all pretensions to excessive
styles.

FOR HUSBAND'S RELATIVES. A married woman
wears mourning for her husband's immediate
relatives.

FOR PARENTS AND GRANDCHILDREN. Mourning
for these persons is generally worn for one
year. During the first six months, black
material trimmed with crape is used, and also
a deep veil, which is thrown over the back of
the head and not worn over the face, as for a
husband. After this period the mourning
may be lightened, according to taste.

See also DEATH IN THE FAMILY. FUNERALS.

MR. AND MRS. CARDS ( VISITING). These cards are not
generally used for ceremonious calls after the
first series of return calls made by the
bride.

If the husband is unable, the first year
after marriage, to make formal calls, his wife
uses the Mr. and Mrs. cards, and such is
accepted as a call from him. But after
one year she should leave their separate
cards.

These are used on formal occasions-as,
returning a first call, condolence, congratulations,
or P. P. C.--when both the husband
and wife are represented.

When they are used the first year after
marriage, they should have the address in
right-hand corner and reception days in
lower left-hand corner.

The card should read:
Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Wren Wilson

MUSIC.

WEDDINGS. The organist and the music are
usually selected by the bride. Before her
arrival, the organist plays some bright
selection; but on her entering the church and
passing up the aisle, he plays the wedding
march.

AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL). Music is always
appropriate on these occasions.

MUSICALES.

DRESS. The rule would be that at an afternoon
affair afternoon dress would be worn, and
evening dress at an evening affair.

HOURS. For an afternoon musicale, the hours
are usually from four to six. For an
elaborate evening drawing-room concert, any hour
may be selected.

INVITATIONS. These are sent out two weeks
before the event. If entertainment is in the
evening, they should be issued by husband
and wife. If given in honor of a prominent
person at any hour whatever, the cards
should be engraved, and in either case the
word Music should appear in the lower left-
hand corner.

These should be acknowledged at once by
a letter of acceptance or regret.

NAPKINS, when in use, are laid on the lap, and, when
finished with, are not folded up unless one is a
guest for a few days; on all other occasions
they are left unfolded. A good plan is to
follow the example of the hostess.

When fruit is brought on, a small fruit
napkin is placed across the knee or held in
the right hand, with which to hold the fruit,
and when it is no longer needed, it should
be laid beside the plate.

NAVY, SECRETARY OF--HOW ADDRESSED. An official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the
honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain
most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of the Navy.

NEW ACQUAINTANCES.

WOMEN. New acquaintances should not be invited
to entertainments unless agreeable to
all concerned.

An entertainment can be given to meet
new acquaintances if there be some special
reason for so doing.

Elderly persons and professional people can
send their cards to younger persons if they
wish to continue acquaintance.

NEWCOMERS.

BALL INVITATIONS. It is allowable for a new-
comer wishing to give a ball to borrow the
visiting list of some friend; but she should
enclose in each invitation a calling card of this
friend, so that the invited ones may know
that the friend is acting as a sponsor.

DUTY OF. No effort should be made to obtain
recognition of older residents.

Visits from neighbors should be returned
within a week. If from any reason a newcomer
is unable to call, a note stating the
reason should be sent.

If visit of neighbor's male relative is desired,
a woman may send him a written or
verbal invitation; but if visit is not desired,
no notice is taken of his card, in the event of
one having been left.

RESIDENTS' DUTY TO MEN. When calling, kinswoman
leaves cards of all the male members
of family who are in society. If these cards
left by kinswoman are not followed by an
invitation to call, it is presumed that the
acquaintance is not desired. Men can not
call upon women of the family of new resident,
unless invited to do so by either verbal
or written message.

RESIDENTS' DUTY TO WOMEN. The newcomer
receives the first call from the older resident,
which should be made within a reasonable
time. Women making the first call, leave
their own card and those of the male members
of the family.

It is unnecessary to be introduced in the
absence of letters of introduction. Visits
should be of short duration.

OLIVES are eaten with the fingers.

OPERA. See THEATRE.

ORANGES, served in divided sections, sweetened, and
the seeds removed, should be eaten with the
fork. If served whole, cut into suitable
portions. Remove seed and skin.

ORGANIST AT WEDDINGS. The organist is selected by
the bride, but the fee is paid by the groom.

OVERCOAT--MEN CALLING ON WOMEN. When making a
formal or brief call, the overcoat should be
left in the hall.

P. P. C. CARDS (VISITING). These letters--standing
for Pour prendre conge (To take leave)--are
written in the lower left-hand corner of the
visiting-card. These cards are used as a
formal farewell to such friends and
acquaintances whose friendship it is desired to
continue.

They may be left in person, or sent upon
departure from city or winter or summer
resort. They are rarely used in brief visits,
and should only be used at the close of a
season.

Care should be exercised in sending them,
as an oversight in so doing may cause the
loss of good friends.

PAGES AT WEDDINGS. At the wedding, if pages are
present, they are usually dressed in satin
court costumes, and carry the bride's train.

PALL-BEARERS. It is not good taste to ask relatives to
be pall-bearers. The usual number is six to
eight elderly men for elderly person, and of
young men for a young man. Six young
women in white would be a suitable number
to act as pall-bearers for a young woman.

Pall-bearers should be asked either by note
or by a representative of the head of the
family of the deceased.

The pall-bearers assemble at the house at
the appointed hour, and there take the
carriages reserved for them. They disperse
after the church service.

Except in the case of young women, carriages
are not sent to bring pall-bearers to
the house.

CALLS. After accepting an invitation to act as a
pall-bearer, a man should call at the house of
the bereaved and leave his card.

A few days after the funeral he should call
again and leave his card. If he wishes, he
may simply ask at the door after the women
of the family.

DRESS. The pall-bearers wear black frock coat,
trousers, and waistcoat, a black silk hat with
a mourning band, black shoes, and black kid
gloves. The linen should be white

FLOWERS. Unless there has been a request not
to send flowers, a pall-bearer may do so after
his first call.

If he wishes, a few days after the funeral
he may send flowers to the women of the
family with his card, on which should be
written: With the compliments of -----.

INVITATIONS. The invitation should be promptly
accepted or declined, and if accepted only
illness or unavoidable absence from the city
would excuse a man from attending.

PAPER WEDDING. The first wedding anniversary is
called the paper wedding, and is not usually
celebrated. If, however, it is celebrated,
the invitations may bear the words: No
presents received. Congratulations should be
extended in accepting or declining the
invitations. Any article of paper would be an
appropriate gift. An entertainment should
follow.

PARTIES. These are less formal than balls.

They generally begin at nine or nine-thirty,
with dancing at ten-thirty or eleven. The
supper precedes the dancing. Those who do
not take part in the dancing may leave
before it begins.

INVITATIONS. These are engraved, giving hour
for beginning in lower left-hand corner, and
should be sent two weeks in advance. One
envelope only need be used. They should
be answered promptly.

PATRONESSES. It is customary for the management
of any institution giving a public ball to
formally invite six, eight, or more married
women to act as patronesses, and for their
names to appear on the invitations. If
badges are worn, each patroness is sent one
or given one at the ball-room.

The patronesses, after being welcomed at
the ball by the management committees, take
their places, ready to receive the guests.

The Committee of Arrangements should
look after the patronesses, introduce
distinguished guests to them, escort them to
supper and finally to their carriages.

See also COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS--
PATRONESSES. DANCES.

PEACHES should be quartered and the quarters peeled,
then taken up by the fingers and eaten.

PEAS are eaten with a fork.

PLUMS AND GRAPES should be eaten one by one, and
the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the
half-closed hand and then transferred to the
plate.

POSTAL CARDS. It is wise to restrict the use of
postals to impersonal communications; but if
they must be used, the message should be
brief with an apology for its use. It is a
good plan in addition to omit the usual My
dear, and to sign with the initials only and
the full surname.

POSTPONING DINNERS See CANCELING DINNERS.

POSTPONING WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS--INVITATIONS
RECALLED.

PRECEDENCE.

DINNERS. See DINNERS--PRECEDENCE.

FUNERALS. See FUNERALS--PRECEDENCE.

THEATRE. See THEATRE--PRECEDENCE.

PRESENTS. See GIFTS.

PRESIDENT--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to
remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr.
President, and ends: I have the honor to remain
most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: President
John Wilson.

PRINCE, ROYAL--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Sir, may it please your Royal
Highness, and ends: I have the honor to remain,
sir, your Royal Highness' humble servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Sir, and
ends: Your Royal Highness' most obedient
servant.

The address on the envelope is: To His
Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales.

PRINCESS, 'ROYAL-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter
begins: Madam, may it please your Royal
Highness, and ends: Your Royal Highness'
most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Madam, and
ends: Your Royal Highness' most obedient
servant.

The address on the envelope is: To Her
Royal Highness, the Princess of Wales.

PRIVATE WEDDINGS. These are attended only by
intimate friends and members of the
family, and vary but little from home weddings.

If the family is in mourning the cards are
issued with the name of bride and groom
and new address, together with card having
bride's maiden name, and the announcement
cards are sent after the ceremony.

Afternoon dress should be worn at an afternoon
wedding, and evening dress at an evening
wedding.

PROPOSALS OF MARRIAGE. The time, manner, and details
of proposals of marriage are appropriately
left to the good taste and judgment
of the groom. If the proposal is rejected,
good taste, womanly refinement, and courteous
consideration demand that it be kept
an inviolate secret, and any such breach of
confidence may be rightly deemed the act of
a woman without taste or tact, and unworthy
of respect.

Proposals by women, while permissible,
are not customary.

PUBLIC BALLS, By public balls are meant county and
charity balls, and balls given by social institutions
where dancing is the main feature.
These public balls differ from private ones in
that all the duties of the hostess fall upon
some committees.

These committees would follow the same
rules as laid down for a hostess--issuing
engraved invitations from fourteen to seventeen
days in advance, engaging a caterer,
etc.

The etiquette for a public ball is the same
as for a private one, save that guests arrive
and depart when they please without taking
leave of those who receive, and men wishing
introductions apply for them to the Floor or
Reception Committee.

At the cloak-rooms a small fee is paid to
the attendant.

SEE ALSO all entries under Balls.

BADGES. It is customary for the men and women
on the committees to wear on the left side of
the breast ornamental and embroidered
badges, with the official position designated
on it.

COMMITTEE. The committee at a public ball
takes the place of the hostess, filling all her
duties and offices.

PATRONESSES. It is customary for the management
formally to invite six, eight, or more
married women to act as patronesses of the
ball, and for their names to appear on the
invitations. If badges are prepared for the
patronesses, one is sent to each patroness or
handed to her on the evening of the dance.

The patronesses should be welcomed at
the ball by the management, and they then
take their position ready to receive the guests.

The management should look after the
patronesses, to see that they are taken into
supper, to introduce prominent guests to
them, and, finally, to escort the patronesses to
their carriages.

PUBLIC PLACES. SEE ALSO ELEVATORS. RESTAURANTS, STREET-CARS. STREET ETIQUETTE.

R. S. V. P. The use of these letters-standing
for Repondez, s'il vous plait (Answer, if you
please)-is decreasing. All invitations to
which acceptances are expected should be
answered at once. If preferred, however,
the above abbreviations may be used on the
following: invitations to ceremonious receptions,
breakfasts, luncheons, dinners, and to
meet a prominent person.

RAILROAD-MEN. A man should remove his hat in a
parlor-car, but not in a day coach.

RECALLING WEDDING INVITATIONS. When from some
good reason a wedding has to be canceled or
postponed, the parents of the bride should
send, as soon as possible, printed notices, giving
reasons to all the guests.

RECEPTIONS. Reception days are placed in the lower
left-hand corner of visiting-cards-as, UNTIL
LENT, or, In JANUARY-and may be either
engraved or written.

Daughters have no reception day of their
own, but receive on their mother's reception
day.

The etiquette at receptions is the same as
at afternoon teas.

SEE ALSO AFTERNOON TEAS. AT HOMES.

HOURS. Afternoon receptions are held from 4 to
7 P.M.

Evening receptions are held from 9 to
11 P.M.

INVITATIONS, ACCEPTING OR DECLINING. These
should be acknowledged within a week, either
by a letter accepting, or declining with regret.

INTRODUCTIONS. The man should seek an introduction
to any woman he wants to meet.

The hostess makes what introductions she
deems proper.

DRESS. For an afternoon reception guests should
wear afternoon dress, and for an evening reception
evening dress.

AFTERNOON, GIVEN BY BACHELORS. See BACHELORS' TEAS.

EVENING. The etiquette is the same as for an
afternoon tea (formal), save that no cards
are left by the guests, and that the guests
should wear evening dress.

See also AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL).

WEDDING. See WEDDING RECEPTIONS.

REFRESHMENTS.

WEDDING RECEPTIONS. The refreshments are
placed on tables, and the guests help themselves
or are helped by the bridesmaids.
The groom and bride are waited upon by the
guests.

REGISTER, SIGNING OF. This is sometimes done by
the bride and the groom. This takes place
in the vestry, and the best man signs as chief
witness and some of the guests as witnesses.

REHEARSALS, WEDDING. Rehearsals should be held
even for a quiet home wedding, and at a sufficiently
early date to insure the presence of
all who are to participate.

REPORTERS AT WEDDINGS. If such is the wish of the
family of the bride, the best man attends to
the reporters, and furnishes them with the
names of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description
of gowns, and other suitable details.

RESIDENCE, CHANGE OF--WOMEN. After a change of
residence, the cards of the entire family should
be sent out as soon as possible.

RESTAURANTS. If at a table, and a woman bows, the
man should rise and bow in return. If a
man is one of a party sitting at a table, and a
woman with her escort stops to pass greetings,
he should rise and stand until they depart.

One man introduced to another who is surrounded
by male friends should rise to acknowledge
the honor of the introduction.

When a man is with a woman he should
exercise great care in recognizing male acquaintances
who may be in doubtful company.
He should avoid being in such company
himself when in such places.

Smoking in restaurants is a general custom.
The rules of the house govern this.

All fees to the waiters should be paid by
the one who pays the bills. If a woman is
paying her own bill when with a man, it is
in order for her to fee the waiter.

RIBBONS AT CHURCH WEDDINGS. One way of
distinguishing the pews reserved for the family,
relatives, and dearest friends of both families
is the placing of white ribbons at the dividing
pews. Before the arrival of the bride,
the ushers, in pairs, at the same time, untie
these ribbons, and stretch them along the
outside of these pews, and thus enclose the
guests and bar further intrusion.

If these ribbons are used, it is a good
plan to enclose in the wedding invitation a
card giving number of pew.

The advantage of not using ribbons is the
avoidance of any possible discrimination.

RICE AT WEDDINGS. The throwing of rice is to be discouraged; but if it is to be done, the maid of honor should prepare packages of rice and hand them to the guests, who throw it after the bridal couple as they leave the house for their wedding trip.

RIDING.

MEN. When riding with a woman, a man should
always assist her both to mount and to
alight, even if a groom is present.

It is customary for the woman to set the
pace, and for the man, who always rides on
her right, to accommodate himself to her--
trotting, galloping, or walking his horse as
she may do.

He should always be ready to open all
gates for her, and to do all things that will
make the riding pleasant for her. If at a
fox-hunt, this would mean that he must be
ready to sacrifice much of his personal pleasure
that she may enjoy herself.

DRESS. There is a perfectly well-accepted
dress for men who ride in the park, though
it is open to elderly men to wear clothes less
pronounced.

The correct dress is full riding-breeches,
close-fitting at the knee, leggings, a high-buttoned
waistcoat, and a coat with the conventional
short cutaway tails. The hat is an
alpine or a derby, and the tie the regulation
stock. These, with riding-gloves and a
riding-crop, constitute the regular riding-dress
for a young man.

A man should always consult his tailor,
that the dress in all its details may be strictly
up to date.

WOMEN--DRESS. There is a well-prescribed
riding-dress for women as for men. The
habit of dark material, with skirt falling just
over the feet when in the saddle, and the
close-fitting waist, with long or short tails,
together with the white collar and black or
white tie, constitute the regulation dress.
The derby hat is smaller than formerly.
Gloves of a dark color and a crop with a
bone handle are always in place. Any
jewelry, save that which is absolutely necessary,
should be shunned.

In summer it is permissible to modify this
costume.

As in the case of a man, a woman should
consult a tailor of good practical experience,
that her costume may be in the correct style.

RING, ENGAGEMENT. See ENGAGEMENT RING.

RING, WEDDING. See WEDDING RING.

RISING FROM THE TABLE. The signal to leave the
table is always given by the women, and the
men rise to let the women pass. At a formal
dinner the signal is given by the hostess.

SALT is best taken up with the tip of the knife.

SALTED NUTS are eaten with the fingers.

SEAT OF HONOR is at the right of the host.

SECOND HELPING. At formal dinner parties, luncheons,
and breakfasts, second helpings are
never offered by the host or hostess, and
should not be asked for by the guests. This
is only permissible at a small dinner party
or at the daily family meal.

Of course, this does not apply to a second
glass of water, for which the guest asks, or
for wine. It is the duty of the waiter to see
that the guest is constantly supplied.

SECOND MARRIAGES. See WIDOWS--WEDDINGS.

SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE. See AGRICULTURE, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF COMMERCE. See COMMERCE, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF INTERIOR. SEE INTERIOR, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF NAVY. SEE NAVY, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF STATE. See STATE, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF TREASURY. See TREASURY, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF WAR. SEE WAR, SECRETARY OF.

SEEDS should be removed from the mouth with the
aid of a fork, or dropped into the half-closed
hand.

SENATOR--HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to
remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Senator
Wilson, and ends: Believe me, most sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope is: Senator
John J. Wilson, or, To the Hon. John J.
Wilson.

SERVANTS-TIPPING. It is customary for guests leaving
a house after a visit to tip the servants,
unless positively requested by the hostess not
to do so. The average tip would be one
dollar, with more for extra attention.

SHAKING HANDS.

DANCES. It is not customary to shake hands at
formal dances.

HOST AND HOSTESS. The host and the hostess
should shake hands with each guest as they
arrive.

If guest takes leave of host and hostess,
they should shake hands. If they are
surrounded by guests, a pleasant nod of farewell
is admissible.

MEN. At a wedding, the opera, or a dance, and
all very formal occasions, gloves should not
be removed when shaking hands.

If the hostess wears gloves at any formal
affair, a man wears his when he shakes hands
with her. He should give a slight pressure
only.

A man with hands gloved should never
shake hands with a woman without an apology
for so doing, unless she likewise wears
gloves. A sudden meeting, etc., may make
a handshaking in gloves unavoidable. Unless
the other party is gloved, a man should
apologize.

When men are introduced to men, they
always shake hands. It is bad form to crush
the hand when shaking it.

When introduced to a woman, men should
bow, but not offer to shake hands.

CALLS. If the woman is seated when a man enters
the room, she rises to greet him, and, if
she wishes, shakes hands. She has the
option to shake hands or not, and should
make the first advances. It is bad form for
him to do so.

WOMEN. Upon introduction, a woman may
shake hands with either men or women, but
a slight inclination of the body, a pleasant
smile, and an appropriate remark are more
correct.

A young girl, upon being introduced to an
older woman, should await the action of the
elder, who will shake hands if kindly disposed.

If one person extends the hand, it should
be accepted without the slightest hesitation,
to avoid embarrassment.

SIGNING LETTERS. See ADDRESSING AND SIGNING LETTERS.

SILK WEDDINGS. This is the name of the forty-fifth
wedding anniversary, and is now seldom observed.
If it is, any article of silk would be
appropriate as a gift, and congratulations
may be extended in accepting or declining
the invitations. The invitations may have
the words: No presents received. An entertainment
usually follows.

SILVER WEDDINGS. After twenty-five years of married
life, the silver wedding may be celebrated.
On the invitations sent out may be
engraved the words: No presents received.

Congratulations may be extended in accepting
or declining the invitation. Any article
of silver is appropriate as a gift. An entertainment
follows.

At a silver wedding the invitations may be
appropriately engraved in a silver-gray color,
and the decorations are usually of the same
color.

SLIPPERS-THROWING AT WEDDINGS. The throwing of
slippers after the bridal couple on their leaving
the house for their wedding trip is in
poor taste.

SMOKING. At a dinner when the women rise, the
men also rise and remain standing until the
former leave the room, when cigars and coffee
are served. Sometimes the men accompany
the women to the drawing-room, bow, and
then return to the dining-room for the coffee
and cigars, where they remain about half an
hour.

Smoking in restaurants is a general custom,
but the rules of the house govern it.
Theatres provide rooms for it, hence it should
be limited to them.

There should be no smoking at afternoon
entertainments, unless the men are requested
to do so by the host and hostess.

At balls a room for smoking is generally
provided. Smoking is not in good taste if a
man is going to dance, as the odor of tobacco
clings to the clothing. There should be no
smoking in the dressing-rooms.

Smoking a pipe in the street is becoming
more common. It is poor taste, however, on
a fashionable street. At best, any smoking
in the street is bad form.

Expectorating on the pavement is a most
reprehensible habit. If it must be done, a
man should step to the curb and expectorate
in the street.

DANCES. Smoking should not be allowed in the
dressing-room, but a special room should be
provided. Men who dance should not smoke
until leaving the house.

IN PRESENCE OF WOMEN. Smoking in the
street while walking with a woman should
never be indulged in, although she seemingly
is agreeable to it. If a man is smoking, and
he stops to speak to a woman, he should
throw away his cigar or cigarette.

A man should not smoke in the presence
of women unless bidden by them to do so.
Few women care to say that it is disagreeable
when asked, hence the better course is to
await permission.

WOMEN. If a woman has true regard for herself,
she should not indulge in smoking; if she
does, it should be in absolute privacy.

SON.

BALLS. A son should do all in his power to
make the ball a success by finding partners
for the women having none, seeing that the
men are introduced to the women, and taking
in to supper a woman without an escort.

CARDS. When a mother is calling, she can leave
cards of her son for the host and hostess if it
is impossible for him to do so himself.

A son entering society can have his cards
left by his mother for a host and hostess.
Invitations to entertainments will follow.

SON (YOUNGER) OF DUKE-HOW ADDRESSED. An official
letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have
the honor to remain your Lordship's obedient
servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable the Lord John J. Kent.

A social letter begins: My dear Lord John
J. Kent, and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord
John, faithfully yours.

The address is: To the Lord John J. Kent.

SON (YOUNGER) OF EARL-HOW ADDRESSED, An official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the
honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Honorable John Wilson.

SON (YOUNGER) OF MARQUIS--HOW ADDRESSED. An
official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I
have the honor to remain your Lordship's obedient
servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable the Lord John J. Kent.

A social letter begins: My dear Lord John
J. Kent, and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord
Kent, faithfully yours.

The address is: To the Lord John J. Kent,

SON (YOUNGER) OF VISCOUNT-HOW ADDRESSED. An
official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have
the honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the
Honorable John Wilson.

SOUP should be taken from the side of the spoon
without noise and without the plate being
tipped. Men with mustaches are privileged
in this respect, and may take the soup from
the end of the spoon.

SOUVENIRS.

BRIDESMAIDS. These are given by the bride to
her bridesmaids a few days before the wedding,
and take the form of fans or jewelry of
some kind that may be worn at the wedding.

A good time to present them is when the
bride gives a farewell dinner or luncheon to
her bridesmaids.

Failing this, they may be sent a few days
before the wedding.

The souvenirs should, of course, be all the
same in value and in style.

USHERS. The souvenirs given by the groom to
the ushers usually take the form of scarf-pins
or cuff-buttons. Sometimes the groom
also gives the ushers neckties and gloves.

A good time for their distribution is at the
farewell bachelor dinner.

SPONSORS. Only relatives and near friends should
be asked to act as sponsors at a christening.
Two women and one man are asked as sponsors
for a girl, and one woman and two men
for a boy, though one man and one woman
are sufficient in either case.

These may be invited by note or personal
call to act as sponsors, and should answer by
note or personal call.

A few days before the ceremony the sponsor
should send a christening gift addressed
to the child, and the giver's card, with a
suitable sentiment written on it, should be
sent with the gift.

A man may give some article of silver, and,
if a wealthy relative, a bank-book for money
deposited in the child's name.

A woman may present the child with a
garment, a carriage, a cradle, or some similar
article.

It is in good taste for the sponsors to call
immediately on the parents, to send flowers
to the mother, and to show that they are
pleased with the compliment.

The godfather at the ceremony assents to
the vows, and later, at the drinking of the
wine, should propose both the health of the
child and that of its mother.

SPOON. The spoon should never be in the cup while
drinking, but should be left in the saucer.
It is used in eating grapefruit, fruit salads,
small and large fruit (when served with
cream), puddings, jellies, porridges, preserves,
and boiled eggs.

SR, The letters SR. (abbreviation for Senior) are
sometimes added to a woman's name on her
card when her son has the same name as
his father, and it is necessary to distinguish
between the cards of the daughter-in-law and
the mother-in-law.

If both become widows, and yet wish to
retain their husbands' Christian names, the
daughter-in-law would add Jr. on her cards.

STAG PARTIES. A party composed of men exclusively
is sometimes so designated. They
are usually informal in character, but may be
as elaborate in detail as desired.

DRESS. The Tuxedo coat and black tie is worn,
unless at a formal stag party, when evening
dress is appropriate.

STATE, SECRETARY OF-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain most
sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of State.

STATIONERY.

MEN. The variations from plainness and quietness
in the use of stationery that are permitted
women are denied to men. Their
paper is never perfumed, and all fancy styles
are in poor taste.

For his social correspondence a man should
use white or gray linen or bank-note unruled
paper, folding once in the envelope.

He may, of course, use for social correspondence
his club stationery.

Under no circumstances should he use his
business stationery for social correspondence.

WOMEN. Unruled plain white or gray paper,
that folds once in the envelope, and black
ink, are the standard materials for social correspondence.

While it is permissible to use some of the
latest fancy stationery, care should be taken
that it is quiet in taste, and that all merely
temporary variations are avoided.

While it is better not to use perfumed
paper, if any perfume is used it should be
extremely delicate.

Elderly women are apt to favor Irish linen
or similar stationery.

STRANGERS-INVITATIONS TO A BALL ASKED FOR BY FRIENDS.
See BALLS-INVITATIONS ASKED FOR STRANGERS.

STREET-CARS AND OTHER CONVEYANCES.

MEN. The old custom of a man giving up his
seat in a street-car to a woman is being gradually
done away with. This is due largely
to the fact that women are now so extensively
engaged in commercial business that
they are constant riders at the busy hours,
end thus come into direct competition with
men.

A well-bred man, however, will show his
manliness by giving any woman his seat and
standing himself, as she is less fitted for such
hardships and annoyances. A man should
always give his seat to an elderly woman,
one accompanied with children, or one apparently
weak and sickly. In giving his seat
to a woman, a man should politely bow and
raise his hat.

It is good form for a man to assist a woman
getting on or off a car. If a man is accompanied
by a woman when she leaves the car,
he should help her off the car.

A man should always be polite and courteous
toward a conductor, as the latter's
position is a hard and trying one.

A man should never cross his legs or keep
his feet extended in the passageway.

If a man finds it necessary to crowd into a
car already full, he should do so with consideration
and politeness, and with an apology
for pressing against any one. It is better to
stand than to crowd yourself into a small
space between those who are seated.

EXPENSES. A man traveling with another man
can pay the latter's fare if he wishes. But
if he is accompanied by a woman he should
pay her fare. If he is in the car, and other
acquaintances, men or women, enter, they
should pay their own fares.

WOMEN. A woman should not look with a
pained and injured air at the men passengers
because no one of them has offered her a seat.
The great influx of women into the commercial
world, and their being thrown into direct
competition with men, has largely done away
with the fine old custom of men giving up
their seats to women. The impoliteness of
many women in accepting a seat as a matter
of right and not of courtesy, and perhaps
without a "Thank you," has helped largely
to bring about the present state of affairs.
No woman of ordinary good manners should
fail to express her thanks for the courtesy
proffered. If a woman is offered a seat she
should accept it at once-without urging.

A man may assist a woman in getting off
a car. If a woman is accompanied by a man
and she leaves the car, he should assist her
to alight.

A woman should wait till a car absolutely
stops before she gets on or off, and she
should face the front when leaving the car.

If possible, a woman should have her car-fare
handy or easy of access-preferably in
her hand-before entering the car if it is
crowded. A woman should avoid crowding
into a small space between others, and it is
better for her to stand than to occupy barely
the edge of a seat. If it is absolutely necessary
for her to enter a crowded car, she
should do so with an apology to those whom
she may crowd.

CONDUCTOR. A conductor occupies a difficult
and trying position, and will always appreciate
any courtesy shown him by a woman.
If a woman desires a transfer, she should let
him know in ample time; if she wants any information
from him, she should ask him when
paying her fare, and should indicate her desire
to leave the car at least a block ahead of
her street. A woman should not trust to a
conductor to remember her street, even if she
has asked him, but should look out for the
street herself.

EXPENSES. If a woman is in a car and a man
joins her, and the fare is not yet collected, she
should pay her own fare. But if she is traveling
with an escort she should not offer to
pay her fare, as her escort pays the expenses.

STREET ETIQUETTE.

MEN. If a man is passed on the street without
any recognition by an acquaintance, he should
hesitate before accepting it as a direct cut, as
it may have been an oversight. If it is repeated,
he will know its full meaning.

To pass a person whom one knows and to
look straight at him without recognition is
the rudest way of dropping an acquaintance.

A man should avoid loud and boisterous
behavior.

If a man is compelled to force his way
through a crowded street, he should do so
courteously and with an apology to any one
inconvenienced by his act.

In walking three or four abreast, men
should be careful not to obstruct the thoroughfare,
but should quickly fall into single
file when necessary.

A man should greet his acquaintances on
the street quietly and courteously, and if on
a crowded street, should step out of the way
of persons and be brief in his remarks.

In all public places and conveyances a
man should offer his seat to a woman, though
he is not expected to do so when reserved
seats can be obtained--as, in a theatre, at
an opera, etc.

ACCIDENTS. In case of accident or danger a man
should protect the woman whom he escorts,
and take her to a place of safety. If her
clothing is torn, or she has met with some
accident of which she is unaware, a man may,
if he desires, politely raise his hat and call
her attention to the fact. If by accident a
man jostles a woman or steps upon her dress,
he should raise his hat, bow, and apologize,
whether he knows her or not.

BOWING. A man should not bow to a woman
until she has first recognized him, unless they
are old acquaintances.

A man should acknowledge the salutation
of a woman on the street, even if he does not
know her, as it saves her from embarrassment
at her mistake.

When bidding farewell to a woman after a
conversation on the street, a man should bow
and raise his hat.

If a man offers his seat to a woman in a car
or other conveyance, he should raise his hat
and bow, while her escort acknowledges the
courtesy by doing the same.

When a man opens a door for a woman
unknown to him, he should bow, while she
enters in advance of him.

A man should raise his hat and bow on all
occasions when offering any courtesy to a
woman, whether stranger or acquaintance.

A man may bow to an elderly man or person
of official position.

A man may offer his services to a woman
in crossing a crowded thoroughfare, and
should raise his hat and bow when she is
safely over, but should, make no comment
unless she does so first. He may also offer
her assistance in getting on or off a car, raising
his hat and bowing without remark.

If a man is accompanied by a woman and
another man extends a courtesy to her, he
should acknowledge it by bowing and giving
a polite "Thank you."

If when walking with a man a woman
meets a male acquaintance who bows, her
escort should raise his hat and bow, though
the two men are strangers to each other. If
the escort meets a man known to him, both
men should raise their hats and bow.

CANES AND UMBRELLAS. These should be carried
vertically, never horizontally, thereby
endangering other persons' eyes. Especially
is this important when entering cars or going
up long flights of steps-as, the stairs of the
elevated railroad.

CONVERSATION. A man who meets a woman,
and desires to engage in conversation with
her, should ask permission to accompany her.
If this is granted, he may proceed a short
distance, unless requested to go farther.

When meeting a woman on the street and
stopping to converse with her, a man should
raise his hat and replace it, as it is not now
in good form for a man to remain bareheaded
until requested by the woman to replace his
hat.

A man should avoid stopping a woman on
the street to engage her in conversation.

Only an intimate acquaintance with a woman
warrants a man joining her on the street. If
it is not agreeable, it may be very embarrassing
to her.

SMOKING. A man should never smoke while
walking with a woman on a street. Smoking
on fashionable thoroughfares is bad form.

A man should avoid expectorating upon a
sidewalk, and, if it must be done, should
walk to the curb and use the street for that
purpose.

WALKING. A man should not walk between two
women, but at the side nearest the curb.

When walking with a woman, a man
should walk near the curb, unless passing
an obstruction-as, a building in course of
construction-when she should have the outer
side to protect her from harm, or from coming
in contact with disagreeable things.

A man should offer his right arm to a
woman, but this is rarely necessary in the
daytime. It is essential, however, and
proper for him to do so after dark.

WOMEN. Conduct on the street should always
be reserved. It is bad form to loudly laugh
or to boldly glance at the passers-by, especially
men.

Women should never walk three or four
abreast.

Women may salute each other with a bow
and a handshake, but a kiss in public is no
longer in good form.

During a promenade, where friends pass
and repass, it is not necessary to exchange
greetings to each other.

A polite "Thank you," with a bow and a
smile, should be the reward of any man extending
a courtesy to a woman.

BOWING. It is the woman's privilege to determine
whom she will publicly recognize, and
therefore she should bow first to all men
whom she desires to favor. This formality
is, however, unnecessary with intimate
friends.

UMBRELLAS. These should be carried vertically,
and never horizontally under the arm.

WALKING. If a woman is walking with a man,
and another man stops to speak, it would be
in exceeding bad taste to ask him to join her.

A woman should take a man's right arm,
but only after dark, unless for some special
reason-as, weakness, etc.-it is necessary.

If a woman is walking alone, and a man of
her acquaintance stops and speaks, he may
ask permission to accompany her farther,
which, if agreeable, should be granted. She
may stop for a few moments' chat, and shake
hands if she wishes. If he stands before her
with uncovered head, she should promptly
ask him to replace his hat. She should not
block the thoroughfare, and should take the
initiative if he does not step to one side.
If agreeable, an invitation may be extended
to him to walk a short distance.

SUBSCRIPTION BALLS.
MEN. Shortly after receiving an invitation to a
subscription ball, a man should leave a card
for the patroness inviting him.

INVITATIONS. In addition to the regular invitations,
it is customary to guard against the
admission of persons not really invited by
the use of vouchers to be shown at the
hall door, or some similar precaution is
taken.

When a subscriber sends an invitation and
a voucher, he should send in the same
envelope one of his calling cards.

SUNDAY CALLS. Informal calls may be made on
Sunday after three o'clock by business and
professional men, provided there are no religious
or other scruples on the part of those receiving
the calls.

Men should wear afternoon dress.

SUPPERS GIVEN BY MEN--WOMEN. A young woman
may accept a man's invitation, provided she
has the consent of her mother or guardian,
and is assured that a chaperone will be present.

SUPPERS--MEN. Suppers are generally for men.
The hours are from ten to eleven. A man can
give such entertainments in bachelor apartments
or restaurant, and if women are invited,
chaperones should be present.

The invitations may be given personally,
written, or a visiting-card may be used,
giving hour and date. If the supper is given in
honor of a special guest, engraved cards or
note sheets are used.

Suppers may be of various kinds--such as
Fish, Game, Wine, Champagne.

SUPPERS AND THEATRE PARTIES.
MEN. A man should not invite a young woman
to a theatre party or supper without inviting
her mother or a chaperone to accompany
them. At large theatre parties or suppers,
when there are ten or more guests, several
chaperones should be invited. Any married
or elderly unmarried woman can act as
chaperone, care being taken that they are
well-known and agreeable to all, as much of the
pleasure of the evening depends upon them.
CARRIAGES. A conveyance holding a large party
can be sent to take invited guests to the
entertainment. The chaperone should be
called for first, and should be the last one to
be left at home upon returning. The chaperones
may use their own carriages and call
for guests if they desire. If the chaperones
call for the guests, the men can be met at the
place of amusement. Conveyances should
be provided for guests.

SUPPERS GIVEN BY BACHELORS.
See BACHELORS' SUPPERS.

TABLE ETIQUETTE. It is correct to take a little of all
that is offered, though one may not care for it.
Bend slightly over the plate when carrying
the food to the mouth, resuming upright
position afterward.

When drinking from a cup or glass, raise it
gracefully to the mouth and sip the contents.
Do not empty the vessel at one draught.

Guests should not amuse themselves by
handling knife or fork, crumbling bread, or
leaning their arms on the table. They should
sit back in their chairs and assume an easy
position.

A guest at a dinner should not pass a plate
or any article to another guest, or serve the
viands, unless asked to do so by the hostess.

Upon leaving the table, push the chair
back far enough to be out of the way of others.

ACCIDENTS. Accidents, or anything that may be
amiss at the table, should be unobserved by a
guest unless he is the cause of it. In that
event some pleasant remark as to his awkwardness
should be made and no more. The
waiter should attend to the matter at once.

If a fork or a spoon is dropped it should
not be picked up by the guest, but another
used, or ask the waiter to provide one.

CONVERSATION. Aim at bright and general conversation,
avoiding all personalities and any
subject that all cannot join in. This is
largely determined by the character of the
company. The guests should accommodate
themselves to their surroundings.

See also FINGER-BOWL, KNIFE AND FORK,
SECOND HELPING, SEEDS, SPOON, TOOTHPICKS,
WINES, and names of individual fruits and
foods--as, APPLES, BREAD, etc.

TALKING--THEATRES. Conversation during the progress
of the play or the opera should be
avoided and confined to the intermissions.
The theatregoer should avoid all noise, gestures,
or actions that would annoy others.

A man would be justified, when annoyed by
a person talking loud near him, in asking
him politely to speak lower.

TEAS.

Invitations. These need no acknowledgment.

Given by bachelors.
See BACHELORS' TEAS.

Afternoon.
See AFTERNOON TEAS.

High.
See HIGH TEA.

TELEPHONE INVITATIONS. Telephone invitations should
be sent only to those with whom the utmost
intimacy exists, and who will pardon the
informality.

THEATRE. A young man may invite a young woman
to the theatre or opera, even if he has but a
slight acquaintance with her, but of course
he should secure the permission of her parents
or chaperone.

It is correct for the young man to inquire
if the young woman prefers a box, or, if not,
he should state in what part of the house he
proposes to secure seats. This will enable
her to determine how to dress.

If the young woman wears street toilette,
her escort may take her in any public conveyance,
but if she wears evening dress, he
should provide a carriage.

At the theatre he should precede the woman
down the aisle to the seat or box; but if it is
the latter, he should open the door and wait
for her to pass.

A man may use his judgment as to the aisle
seat. If a better view can be had, or seemingly
objectionable people are next the inside
seat, it is perfectly proper to give the woman
the aisle seat.

A man should never leave his companion
between the acts. The custom of both men
and women going into the foyer at that time
is a growing one, and is a relief to the
audience.

Refreshments at some fashionable place
may follow after the entertainment.

For a man to call on an acquaintance in an
opera box does not relieve one of the duty of
making a formal call in return for social
favors.

BONNET. A woman of any consideration will
either wear no bonnet at all or remove it as
soon as the curtain is raised.

It would be in place for a man or woman
whose view is hampered by a bonnet to politely
ask the wearer to remove it, and when
it is done, to thank her.

MEN--LEAVING CARDS. After a theatre party
given by a man, he should call within three
days on the woman he escorted or leave his
card.

PRECEDENCE. In entering a theatre a man precedes
the women of his party, but after he
has handed his coupons to the ushers he
gives the women precedence, and follows
them to their seats.

TALKING. Conversation during the progress of
the play or the opera should be avoided, and
confined to the intermissions.

The theatregoer should avoid all noise,
gestures, or actions tending to annoy others
or to render himself conspicuous.

A man would be justified, when annoyed
by a person talking loud near him, in asking
him politely to speak lower.

THEATRE AND OPERA PARTIES.

GIVEN BY MEN. A man giving a theatre or
opera party should secure one or more
chaperones if women are to be present.

CALLS. The host should call upon his guests
within three days or a week after the event.

CARRIAGES. The host may, if he choose, send
carriages or a stage to collect all the guests.
This is a formal and agreeable way to begin
the evening's pleasure. The chaperone
should be called for first. A more informal
way is quite popular. The invitations having
been given and accepted, the host informs
each of his guests as to the others, and leaves
a ticket with each one. All then meet
informally at the place of amusement. If a
dinner is given before the entertainment,
carriages are provided to convey the guests
to the theatre.

CHAPERONE. A chaperone should always be
present if women are to be members of the
party. And if a stage or carriage calls for
the guests, it should call first for the
chaperone.

The chaperone who acts as hostess should
decide the hour to close the festivities.

DINNERS. If a dinner is given before the performance,
it is generally given at six o'clock,
the usual customs being followed. If preferred,
the dinner may follow the performance,
and may be given at any fashionable
restaurant or hotel. If it is given before the
play, at its termination the guests are conveyed
in carriages or stage to the theatre at
the expense of the host.

After the entertainment it is a good plan
for the party to return to the banqueting-room
to partake of slight refreshments.

DRESS. Men wear evening dress. Women wear
full evening dress.

INVITATIONS. He may invite his guests in person
or by note. In either case he should secure
the parents' permission to allow the
young women to attend, and should be ready
to supply all information regarding the men
who will be present, and also the chaperones.

MEN. The escorts should see the women home
unless they are called for by the male members
of their families, in which case they may
be accompanied to their conveyances. If a
young woman is called for by her maid in a
carriage, her escort may take her home.

Intimacy of the parties largely regulates
the etiquette of such occasions. They can
decide whether evening or street dress shall
be worn, and seat themselves accordingly.
A carriage should be provided.

When entering an opera or theatre box for
a short call, a man should stand and bow,
making some pleasant remark to the chaperone.
If there is an empty chair, he may sit
and talk a few minutes and retire as others
enter.