Chapter XXI: To Aurelius the Skinflint

Aurelius, father of the famisht crew,
Not sole of starvelings now, but wretches who
Were, are, or shall be in the years to come,
My love, my dearling, fain art thou to strum.
Nor privately; for nigh thou com'st and jestest 5
And to his side close-sticking all things questest.
'Tis vain: while lay'st thou snares for me the worst,
By ---- I will teach thee first.
An food-full thus do thou, my peace I'd keep:
But what (ah me! ah me!) compels me weep 10
Are thirst and famine to my dearling fated.
Cease thou so doing while as modest rated,
Lest to thy will thou win--but ----

Aurelius, father of the famished, in ages past in time now present and in future years yet to come, thou art longing to paedicate my love. Nor is't done secretly: for thou art with him jesting, closely sticking at his side, trying every means. In vain: for, instructed in thy artifice, I'll strike home beforehand by irrumating thee. Now if thou didst this to work off the results of full-living I would say naught: but what irks me is that my boy must learn to starve and thirst with thee. Wherefore, desist, whilst thou mayst with modesty, lest thou reach the end,--but by being irrumated.

XXII.

Suffenus iste, Vare, quem probe nosti,
Homost venustus et dicax et urbanus,
Idemque longe plurimos facit versus.
Puto esse ego illi milia aut decem aut plura
Perscripta, nec sic ut fit in palimpseston 5
Relata: chartae regiae, novei libri,
Novei umbilici, lora rubra, membrana
Derecta plumbo, et pumice omnia aequata.
Haec cum legas tu, bellus ille et urbanus
Suffenus unus caprimulgus aut fossor 10
Rursus videtur; tantum abhorret ac mutat.
Hoc quid putemus esse? qui modo scurra
Aut siquid hac re scitius videbatur,
Idem infacetost infacetior rure,
Simul poemata attigit, neque idem umquam 15
Aequest beatus ac poema cum scribit:
Tam gaudet in se tamque se ipse miratur.
Nimirum idem omnes fallimur, nequest quisquam,
Quem non in aliqua re videre Suffenum
Possis. suus cuique attributus est error: 20
Sed non videmus, manticae quod in tergost.