Chapter XXIII

TO FURIUS SATIRICALLY PRAISING HIS POVERTY.

Furius! Nor chest, nor slaves can claim,
Bug, Spider, nor e'en hearth aflame,
Yet thine a sire and step-dame who
Wi' tooth can ever flint-food chew!
So thou, and pleasant happy life 5
Lead wi' thy parent's wooden wife.
Nor this be marvel: hale are all,
Well ye digest; no fears appal
For household-arsons, heavy ruin,
Plunderings impious, poison-brewin' 10
Or other parlous case forlorn.
Your frames are hard and dried like horn,
Or if more arid aught ye know,
By suns and frosts and hunger-throe.
Then why not happy as thou'rt hale? 15
Sweat's strange to thee, spit fails, and fail
Phlegm and foul snivel from the nose.
Add cleanness that aye cleanlier shows
A bum than salt-pot cleanlier,
Nor ten times cack'st in total year, 20
And harder 'tis than pebble or bean
Which rubbed in hand or crumbled, e'en
On finger ne'er shall make unclean.
Such blessings (Furius!) such a prize
Never belittle nor despise; 25
Hundred sesterces seek no more
With wonted prayer--enow's thy store!

O Furius, who neither slaves, nor coffer, nor bug, nor spider, nor fire hast, but hast both father and step-dame whose teeth can munch up even flints,--thou livest finely with thy sire, and with thy sire's wood-carved spouse. Nor need's amaze! for in good health are ye all, grandly ye digest, naught fear ye, nor arson nor house-fall, thefts impious nor poison's furtive cunning, nor aught of perilous happenings whatsoe'er. And ye have bodies drier than horn (or than aught more arid still, if aught there be), parched by sun, frost, and famine. Wherefore shouldst thou not be happy with such weal. Sweat is a stranger to thee, absent also are saliva, phlegm, and evil nose-snivel. Add to this cleanliness the thing that's still more cleanly, that thy backside is purer than a salt-cellar, nor cackst thou ten times in the total year, and then 'tis harder than beans and pebbles; nay, 'tis such that if thou dost rub and crumble it in thy hands, not a finger canst thou ever dirty. These goodly gifts and favours, O Furius, spurn not nor think lightly of; and cease thy 'customed begging for an hundred sesterces: for thou'rt blest enough!

XXIIII.

O qui flosculus es Iuventiorum,
Non horum modo, sed quot aut fuerunt
Aut posthac aliis erunt in annis,
Mallem divitias Midae dedisses
Isti, quoi neque servus est neque arca, 5
Quam sic te sineres ab illo amari.
'Qui? non est homo bellus?' inquies. est:
Sed bello huic neque servos est neque arca.
Hoc tu quam lubet abice elevaque:
Nec servom tamen ille habet neque arcam. 10

XXIIII.

TO JUVENTIUS CONCERNING THE CHOICE OF A FRIEND.

O of Juventian youths the flowret fair
Not of these only, but of all that were
Or shall be, coming in the coming years,
Better waste Midas' wealth (to me appears)
On him that owns nor slave nor money-chest 5
Than thou shouldst suffer by his love possest.
"What! is he vile or not fair?" "Yes!" I attest,
"Yet owns this man so comely neither slaves nor chest
My words disdain thou or accept at best
Yet neither slave he owns nor money-chest." 10

O thou who art the floweret of Juventian race, not only of these now living, but of those that were of yore and eke of those that will be in the coming years, rather would I that thou hadst given the wealth e'en of Midas to that fellow who owns neither slave nor store, than that thou shouldst suffer thyself to be loved by such an one. "What! isn't he a fine-looking man?" thou askest. He is; but this fine-looking man has neither slaves nor store. Contemn and slight this as it please thee: nevertheless, he has neither slave nor store.

XXV.

Cinaede Thalle, mollior cuniculi capillo
Vel anseris medullula vel imula oricilla
Vel pene languido senis situque araneoso,
Idemque Thalle turbida rapacior procella,
Cum diva munerarios ostendit oscitantes, 5
Remitte pallium mihi meum, quod involasti,
Sudariumque Saetabum catagraphosque Thynos,
Inepte, quae palam soles habere tamquam avita.
Quae nunc tuis ab unguibus reglutina et remitte,
Ne laneum latusculum manusque mollicellas 10
Inusta turpiter tibi flagella conscribillent,
Et insolenter aestues velut minuta magno
Deprensa navis in mari vesaniente vento.