Chapter XXVIII: To Friends on Return From Travel

Followers of Piso, empty band
With your light budgets packt to hand,
Veránius best! Fabúllus mine!
What do ye? Bore ye enough, in fine
Of frost and famine with yon sot? 5
What loss or gain have haply got
Your tablets? so, whenas I ranged
With Praetor, gains for loss were changed.
"O Memmius! thou did'st long and late
---- me supine slow and ----" 10
But (truly see I) in such case
Diddled you were by wight as base
Sans mercy. Noble friends go claim!
Now god and goddess give you grame
Disgrace of Romulus! Remus' shame! 15

Piso's Company, a starveling band, with lightweight knapsacks, scantly packed, most dear Veranius thou, and my Fabullus eke, how fortunes it with you? have ye borne frost and famine enow with that sot? Which in your tablets appear--the profits or expenses? So with me, who when I followed a praetor, inscribed more gifts than gains. "O Memmius, well and slowly didst thou irrumate me, supine, day by day, with the whole of that beam." But, from what I see, in like case ye have been; for ye have been crammed with no smaller a poker. Courting friends of high rank! But may the gods and goddesses heap ill upon ye, reproach to Romulus and Remus.

XXVIIII.

Quis hoc potest videre, quis potest pati,
Nisi inpudicus et vorax et aleo,
Mamurram habere quod Comata Gallia
Habebat ante et ultima Britannia?
Cinaede Romule, haec videbis et feres? 5
_Es inpudicus et vorax et aleo._ 5b
Et ille nunc superbus et superfluens
Perambulabit omnium cubilia
Vt albulus columbus aut Adoneus?
Cinaede Romule, haec videbis et feres?
Es inpudicus et vorax et aleo. 10
Eone nomine, imperator unice,
Fuisti in ultima occidentis insula,
Vt ista vostra defututa Mentula
Ducenties comesset aut trecenties?
Quid est alid sinistra liberalitas? 15
Parum expatravit an parum eluatus est?
Paterna prima lancinata sunt bona:
Secunda praeda Pontica: inde tertia
Hibera, quam scit amnis aurifer Tagus.
Timentne Galliae hunc, timent Britanniae? 20
Quid hunc malum fovetis? aut quid hic potest,
Nisi uncta devorare patrimonia?
Eone nomine urbis, o potissimei
Socer generque, perdidistis omnia?

XXVIIII.

TO CÆSAR OF MAMURRA, CALLED MENTULA.

Who e'er could witness this (who could endure
Except the lewdling, dicer, greedy-gut)
That should Mamurra get what hairy Gaul
And all that farthest Britons held whilòme?
(Thou bardache Romulus!) this wilt see and bear? 5
Then art a lewdling, dicer, greedy-gut! 5b
He now superb with pride superfluous
Shall go perambulate the bedrooms all
Like white-robed dovelet or Adonis-love.
Romulus thou bardache! this wilt see and bear?
Then art a lewdling, dicer, greedy-gut! 10
Is't for such like name, sole Emperor thou!
Thou soughtest extreme Occidental Isle?
That this your ---- Mentula
Millions and Milliards might at will absorb?
What is't but Liberality misplaced? 15
What trifles wasted he, small heirlooms spent?
First his paternal goods were clean dispersed;
Second went Pontus' spoils and for the third,--
Ebro-land,--weets it well gold-rolling Tage.
Fear him the Gallias? Him the Britons' fear? 20
Why cherish this ill-wight? what 'vails he do?
Save fat paternal heritage devour?
Lost ye for such a name, O puissant pair
(Father and Son-in-law), our all-in-all?

Who can witness this, who can brook it, save a whore-monger, a guzzler, and a gamester, that Mamurra should possess what long-haired Gaul and remotest Britain erstwhile had. Thou catamite Romulus, this thou'lt see and bear? Then thou'rt a whore-monger, a guzzler, and a gamester. And shall he now, superb and o'er replete, saunter o'er each one's bed, as though he were a snow-plumed dove or an Adonis? Thou catamite Romulus, this thou'lt see and hear? Then thou'rt a whore-monger, a guzzler, and a gamester. For such a name, O general unique, hast thou been to the furthest island of the west, that this thy futtered-out Mentula should squander hundreds of hundreds? What is't but ill-placed munificence? What trifles has he squandered, or what petty store washed away? First his patrimony was mangled; secondly the Pontic spoils; then thirdly the Iberian, which the golden Tagus-stream knoweth. Do not the Gauls fear this man, do not the Britons quake? Why dost thou foster this scoundrel? What use is he save to devour well-fattened inheritances? Wast for such a name, O most puissant father-in-law and son-in-law, that ye have spoiled the entire world.

XXX.

Alfene inmemor atque unanimis false sodalibus
Iam te nil miseret, dure, tui dulcis amiculi?

Iam me prodere, iam non dubitas fallere, perfide?
Nec facta inpia fallacum hominum caelicolis placent:

Quod tu neglegis, ac me miserum deseris in malis. 5
Eheu quid faciant, dic, homines, cuive habeant fidem?

Certe tute iubebas animam tradere, inique, me
Inducens in amorem, quasi tuta omnia mi forent.

Idem nunc retrahis te ac tua dicta omnia factaque
Ventos inrita ferre ac nebulas aerias sinis. 10

Si tu oblitus es, at di meminerunt, meminit Fides,
Quae te ut paeniteat postmodo facti faciet tui.