Chapter C

Don't put all your eggs in one basket--try an incubator.

=CAB= Affair for a drive.

=CABBY= Driver for a fare.

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=CACHINNATION=

The hysterical "Ha-Ha." Syn. for Carrie Nation.

* * * * *

=CADDIE= A small boy, employed at a liberal stipend to lose balls
for others and find them for himself.

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=CAFE= A place where the public pays the proprietor for the
privilege of tipping the waiters for something to eat.

* * * * *

=CAJOLE= v. t., From Grk. _kalos_, beautiful, and Eng. _jolly_, to
jolly beautifully.

* * * * *

=CALCIUM= An earthly light that brightens even the stars.

* * * * *

=CANNIBAL= A heathen hobo who never works, but lives on other
people.

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=CAPTIVATE= From Lat. _caput_, head, and Eng. _vacate_, or
empty,--to empty the head. Note, Women who have captivated
men.

* * * * *

=CAPE= A neck in the sea.

=CAPER= A foot in the air.

* * * * *

=CARNEGIE-ITIS=

A mania for burning money. Contracted in a Pennsylvania blast
furnace, developed in a Scotch castle and now epidemic in
American public libraries.

* * * * *

=CART= v. t., To take off.

=CARTOON= The take-off.

* * * * *

=CAULIFLOWER= A Cabbage with a college education.

* * * * *

=CAVALRY= That arm of the military service that engages in the
real hoss-tilities.

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=CEMETERY= The one place where princes and paupers, porters and
presidents are finally on the dead level.

* * * * *

=CHAMPAGNE= The stuff that makes the world go round.

* * * * *

=CHAIR= Four-legged aid to the injured.

=CHARITY= Forehanded aid to the indigent.

* * * * *

=CHAUFFEUR= A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile,
but clever enough not to own one.

* * * * *

=CHRISTIAN= A member of any orthodox church.

* * * * *

=CHRISTMAS= A widely observed holiday on which the past nor the
future is of so much interest as the present.

* * * * *

=CHUMP= Any one whose opinion differs radically from ours.

* * * * *

=CIGARETTE= A weed whose smoke, some say, should never be inhaled,
and still more insist should never be exhaled.

* * * * *

=CINDER= One of the first things to catch your eye in travelling.

* * * * *

=CIVILIZATION= An upward growth or tendency that has enabled
mankind to develop the college yell from what was once only a
feeble war-whoop.

* * * * *

=COLLECTOR= A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again.

* * * * *

=COLLEGE= From Fr. _colle_, pasted or stuck, and _etude_, study. A
place where everyone is stuck on study. (?)

* * * * *

=COLONEL=

A male resident of Kentucky.

See =KERNEL=.

* * * * *

=COMPLIMENT= v. t., From Eng. _con_,--hot air, and Lat. _pleo_, to
fill. Hence, to fill with hot air.

* * * * *

=COMPLEXION= Color for the face. From Eng. _complex_, difficult,
and _shun_, to avoid. To avoid difficulty, buy it of the
druggist.

* * * * *

=COMMENDATION= From Eng. _con_, a josh, and _mend_, to fix up.
Hence, a fixed-up josh.

* * * * *

=CONDUCTOR= From Eng. _coin_, and Lat. _duco_, to command. One who
commands the coin.

* * * * *

=CONSCIENCE= The fear of being found out.

* * * * *

=COOK= A charitable institution, providing food and shelter for
Policemen.

* * * * *

=CORPS= A big bunch of fighters. (Dist. bet. cores found in apples
and corps found in arms).

* * * * *

=CORSET= From Fr. _corps_, shape, and _sec_, rough. Rough on the
shape.

* * * * *

=COSMETIC= A new face-maker. From Grk. _kosmos_, order, and Eng.
_medic_, or doctor,--ordered by the doctor. (See Complexion.)

* * * * *

=COT= A snooze for one.

=COTILLON= A dance for eight.

* * * * *

=CREDIT= Something for nothing.

=CREDITOR= Something with nothing.

* * * * *

=CREDULITY= A feminine virtue and a masculine vice.

* * * * *

=CREMATION= A means of disposing of the dead likely to become very
popular, especially with women who are so fond of having the
last retort.

* * * * *

=CRITIC= A wet blanket that soaks everything it touches.

* * * * *

=CROOK= One who exceeds the speed limit in Law & Order Ave. A
Misfit in the Straight and Narrow Way.

* * * * *

=CROW= A bird that never complains without caws.

* * * * *

=CULTURE= A degree of mental development that produces tailor-made
women, fantastically-sheared poodles and dock tailed horses.

* * * * *

=CUPID= A driver of sharp darts.

=CUPIDITY= A driver of sharp deals.

* * * * *

=CYNIC= A man who knows the price of everything and the value of
nothing.

All work and no play makes Jack A Dead One.