Chapter I

Aim at a chorus-girl and you may hit a star.--_Stage-Door Secrets_.

=ICE= A substance frequently associated with a tumble in winter,
a tumbler in summer, and a skate the year around.

* * * * *

=ICEMAN= A cool proposition who has Axe-cess to the best families,
makes his Weigh in every home and can take his Pick in the
kitchen, if he leaves his Chips in the street. "How'd You Like
to be The Iceman?"

* * * * *

=IDIOT= From Eng. _idea_, and _out_. One who is just out of ideas.

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=IDLE= Useless.

=IDOLIZE= To make useless.

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=IMPECUNIOUS= To be in a state of poverty. From Eng. _in_, and
Lat. _pecco_, to sin, poverty being the greatest of all sins.

* * * * *

=IMPERIOUS= From Eng. _imp_, devil and _aerial_, airy. Airy as the
devil.

* * * * *

=INCANDESCENT LIGHT=

From Lat. _incendo_, to burn, and Eng. _cent_, meaning money. An
invention for burning money.

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=INCOME= The reliable offspring of a wise investment. From Lat.
_in_ and _coma_, meaning sleep. Money which works while you
sleep.

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=INDEPENDENCE= Self government. Good enough for a Cuban, but too
good for a Filipino.

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=INDIGESTION= A distressing stomach trouble that is sometimes
temporarily relieved by kicking the cat or whipping the
children.

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=INDIVIDUALITY= A harmless trait possessed by one's self. The same
trait in others is downright idiocy.

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=INDORSE= To write on the back of; the best indorsed man in town
being the Sandwich-Man.

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=INFANT= A disturber of the peace.

=INFANTRY= A defender of the peace.

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=INHABITANT= A native of any village, town or city. =OLDEST
INHABITANT= The Champion Liar.

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=INTUITION= A fictitious quality in females--really Suspicion.

* * * * *

=IRRITANT= Something which irritates. =COUNTER IRRITANT= A woman
shopping.

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=ISLAND= A place where the bottom of the sea sticks up through the
water.

* * * * *

=ISOLATION= From Eng. _ice_, meaning cold, and Lat. _solus_,
alone. Alone in the cold.

After dinner sit a while, after supper walk a mile-
And every meal's a supper to the Hobo.

J

Lies have no legs--That's why we all have to stand for them.

=JACK= An instrument requiring a strong arm, and used for raising
heavy weights, or for pulling off the boots.

=JACK-POT= An instrument requiring a strong hand, and used for
raising heavy bets, or for pulling off the stakes.

* * * * *

=JAG= From the Spanish word _zaga_, meaning a load packed on the
outside of a van. In America the load is packed on the inside
of a man.

* * * * *

=JAM=

A pantry composition in A minor.

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=JANITOR= From _jangle_, to quarrel, and _torrid_, meaning hot.
Hot and quarrelsome.

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=JELLY-CAKE= Synonym for Belly-Ache.

* * * * *

=JERSEY= Well knit.

=NEW JERSEY= Well bit. (See Mosquito).

* * * * *

=JEW'S HARP=

From Jew, a Hebrew, and Harp, a musical instrument, the Jew's
musical instrument being a "Sell low!" (Old spelling, Cello).

* * * * *

=JIMMY= An implement employed by men of acquisitive natures who
cannot afford seats in the Stock Exchange.

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=JOB= An uncertain commodity regulated by a Union Card.

* * * * *

=JOCKEY= From _jog_, to move slowly, and _key_, something that
makes fast. Hence, one who makes the pace fast or slow,
according to instructions.

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=JOINT= Either a low limb from the butcher, or a low quarter in
town; in either case the lower the tougher.

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=JOKE= A form of humor enjoyed by some and misunderstood by most;
in England, requiring a diagram, raised letters and a club.

* * * * *

=JOLLY= v. t., To "con" or "josh."

=JOLLY BOAT= The Ship of State.

* * * * *

=JUDGE= One who sits on a bench in a court, frames sentences and
finishes crooks for a living, and swears continually.

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=JULEP= An insidious friend from the South, who hands you a mint
and gives you a sweet spirit, followed shortly by a Bun.

* * * * *

=JURY= Twelve men chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

* * * * *

=JUSTICE= Fair play; often sought, but seldom discovered, in
company with Law.

A chip of the old block--A daughter of the Tenderloin.

K

One man's meat is another man's finish--Canned Beef in Cuba.

=KANGAROO= A hard drinker from Australia, especially fond of
hops, and generally carrying a load.

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=KATYDID= A gossiping grasshopper who is always meddling in Katy's
affairs.

* * * * *

=KEEPSAKE= Something given us by someone we've forgotten.

* * * * *

=KERNELS= or =COLONELS= Articles often found in cores (or corps)
and frequently surrounded by shells.

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=KEROSENE=

An alleged provider of heat and light. From Lat. _carus_, meaning
expensive and _seneo_, to be weak; expensive but weak. For
further explanation, consult Standard Oil Company.

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=KEYHOLE=

A frequent test for sobriety.

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=KID= Either a boxing-glove or a first-born. In either case, hard
to handle until well tanned.

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=KILTS= A Scotchman's apology for indecent exposure.

* * * * *

=KINDRED= From Eng. _kin_, meaning relation, and _dread_, meaning
fear; fearful relations.

* * * * *

=KINDERGARTEN= From Ger. _kinder_, children, and Lat. _garritus_,
a babbling. A place for babbling children.

* * * * *

=KINDLING-WOOD= From Ger. _kind_, youth, and Eng. _linger_, to
loaf. A place where youth generally loafs.

* * * * *

=KISS= Nothing divided by two; meaning persecution for the infant,
ecstasy for the youth, fidelity for the middle-aged and homage
for the old.

* * * * *

=KISS= An indescribable something that is of no value to any one,
but is much prized by the right two.

* * * * *

=KNOCKER= A device on doors for rousing people; also, a device on
foot for the same purpose.

Laugh-in-one's-sleeve--The direct route to the Funny-Bone.