Chapter V: Act III: Scene I

_Room in_ Sir HUBERT SUBBOYS' _house_.

_Enter_ BEATRICE, CRISPINELLA _and_ Nurse PUTIFER.

_Put._ Nay, good child o' love, once more Master Freevill's
sonnet o' the kiss you gave him.

_Bea._ Sha't, good nurse:

[_Sings._

_Purest lips, soft banks of blisses,
Self alone deserving kisses;
O give me leave to_, &c.

_Cri._ Pish! sister Beatrice, prithee read no more; my
stomach o' late stands against kissing extremely.

_Bea._ Why, good Crispinella? 9

_Cri._ By the faith and trust I bear to my face, 'tis
grown one of the most unsavoury ceremonies: body
o' beauty! 'tis one of the most unpleasing injurious
customs to ladies: any fellow that has but one nose on
his face, and standing collar and skirts also lined with
taffety sarcenet, must salute us on the lips as familiarly--Soft
skins save us! there was a stub-bearded John-a-Stile
with a ployden's face saluted me last day and struck his
bristles through my lips; I ha' spent ten shillings in
pomatum since to skin them again. Marry, if a nobleman
or a knight with one lock visit us, though his unclean
goose-turd-green[53] teeth ha' the palsy, his nostrils smell
worse than a putrified marrowbone, and his loose beard
drops into our bosom, yet we must kiss him with a cursy,
a curse! for my part, I had as lieve they would break
wind in my lips. 25

_Bea._ Fie, Crispinella, you speak too broad.

_Cri._ No jot, sister; let's ne'er be ashamed to speak
what we be not ashamed to think: I dare as boldly
speak venery as think venery.

_Bea._ Faith, sister! I'll begone if you speak so broad.

_Cri._ Will you so? Now bashfulness seize you, we
pronounce boldly, robbery, murder, treason, which
deeds must needs be far more loathsome than an act
which is so natural, just, and necessary, as that of procreation;
you shall have an hypocritical vestal virgin
speak that with close teeth publicly, which she will
receive with open mouth privately; for my own part, I
consider nature without apparel; without disguising of
custom or compliment, I give thoughts words, and
words truth, and truth boldness; she whose honest
freeness makes it her virtue to speak what she thinks
will make it her necessity to think what is good. I love
no prohibited things, and yet I would have nothing
prohibited by policy, but by virtue; for as in the fashion
of time those books that are call'd in are most in sale
and request,[54] so in nature those actions that are most
prohibited are most desired. 47

_Bea._ Good quick sister, stay your pace; we are
private, but the world would censure you, for truly
severe modesty is women's virtue.

_Cri._ Fie, fie! virtue is a free, pleasant, buxom quality.
I love a constant countenance well; but this froward
ignorant coyness, sour austere lumpish uncivil privateness,
that promises nothing but rough skins and
hard stools; ha! fie on't, good for nothing but for
nothing. Well, nurse, and what do you conceive of
all this? 57

_Put._ Nay, faith, my conceiving days be done. Marry
for kissing, I'll defend that; that's within my compass;
but for my own part, here's Mistress Beatrice is to be
married with the grace of God; a fine gentleman he is
shall have her, and I warrant a strong; he has a leg like
a post, a nose like a lion, a brow like a bull, and a
beard of most fair expectation: this week you must
marry him, and I now will read a lecture to you both,
how you shall behave yourselves to your husbands the
first month of your nuptial; I ha' broke my skull about
it, I can tell you, and there is much brain in it.

_Cri._ Read it to my sister, good nurse, for I assure
you I'll ne'er marry. 70

_Put._ Marry, God forfend, what will you do then?

_Cri._ Faith, strive against the flesh. Marry! no,
faith, husbands are like lots in the lottery: you may
draw forty blanks before you find one that has any prize
in him. A husband generally is a careless, domineering
thing, that grows like coral, which as long as it is under
water is soft and tender, but as soon as it has got his
branch above the waves is presently hard, stiff, not to be
bowed but burst; so when your husband is a suitor and
under your choice, Lord how supple he is, how obsequious,
how at your service, sweet lady! Once married,
got up his head above, a stiff, crooked, nobby, inflexible
tyrannous creature he grows; then they turn like water,
more you would embrace the less you hold. I'll live
my own woman, and if the worst come to the worst, I
had rather prove a wag than a fool. 86

_Bea._ O, but a virtuous marriage.

_Cri._ Virtuous marriage! there is no more affinity
betwixt virtue and marriage than betwixt a man and his
horse; indeed virtue gets up upon marriage sometimes,
and manageth it in the right way; but marriage is of
another piece, for as a horse may be without a man, and
a man without a horse, so marriage, you know, is often
without virtue, and virtue, I am sure, more oft without
marriage. But thy match, sister--by my troth I think
'twill do well; he's a well-shaped, clean-lipp'd gentleman,
of a handsome, but not affected, fineness, a good
faithful eye, and a well-humour'd cheek; would he did
not stoop in the shoulders, for thy sake. See, here he is.

_Enter_ FREEVILL _and_ TYSEFEW.

_Free._ Good day, sweet! 100

_Cri._ Good morrow, brother! nay, you shall have my
lip. Good morrow, servant!

_Tyse._ Good morrow, sweet life!

_Cri._ Life! dost call thy mistress life?

_Tyse._ Life! yes, why not life?

_Cri._ How many mistresses hast thou?

_Tyse._ Some nine.

_Cri._ Why then thou hast nine lives, like a cat.

_Tyse._ Mew, you would be taken up for that. 109

_Cri._ Nay, good, let me still sit; we low statures love
still to sit, lest when we stand we may be supposed to
sit.

_Tyse._ Dost not wear high cork shoes--chopines?[55]

_Cri._ Monstrous ones: I am, as many other are,
pieced above and pieced beneath.

_Tyse._ Still the best part in the----

_Cri._ And yet all will scarce make me so high as one
of the giants'[56] stilts that stalks before my Lord Mayor's
pageant:

_Tyse._ By the Lord, so I thought 'twas for something
Mistress Joyce jested at thy high insteps. 121

_Cri._ She might well enough, and long enough, before
I would be ashamed of my shortness: what I made or
can mend myself I may blush at; but what nature put
upon me, let her be ashamed for me, I ha' nothing to do
with it. I forget my beauty.

_Tyse._ Faith, Joyce is a foolish bitter creature.

_Cri._ A pretty mildewed wench she is.

_Tyse._ And fair----

_Cri._ As myself! 130

_Tyse._ O you forget your beauty now.

_Cri._ Troth, I never remember my beauty, but as some
men do religion,--for controversy's sake.

_Bea._ A motion,[57] sister.

_Cri._ Nineveh,[58] Julius Cæsar, Jonas, or the destruction
of Jerusalem.

_Bea._ My love, hear.

_Cri._ Prithee call him not love, 'tis the drab's phrase:
nor sweet honey, nor my coney, nor dear duckling,
they[59] are citizen terms, but call him---- 140

_Bea._ What?

_Cri._ Anything.--What's the motion?

_Bea._ You know this night our parents have intended
solemnly to contract us, and my love, to grace the feast,
hath promised a masque.

_Free._ You'll make one, Tysefew, and Caqueteur shall
fill up a room.

_Tyse._ 'Fore heaven, well-remember'd; he borrowed a
diamond of me last night to grace his finger in your
visitation. The lying creature will swear some strange
thing on it now. 151

_Enter_ CAQUETEUR.

_Cri._ Peace, he's here; stand close, lurk.

_Caq._ Good morrow, most dear, and worthy to be
most wise. How does my mistress?

_Cri._ Morrow, sweet servant; you glister,--prithee,
let's see that stone.

_Caq._ A toy, lady, I bought to please my finger.

_Cri._ Why, I am more precious to you than your
finger.

_Caq._ Yes, or than all my body, I swear. 160

_Cri._ Why, then let it be bought to please me; come,
I am no professed beggar.

_Caq._ Troth, mistress! Zoons! Forsooth, I protest!

_Cri._ Nay, if you turn Protestant for such a toy.

_Caq._ In good deed, la; another time I'll give you
a----

_Cri._ Is this yours to give?

_Caq._ O God! forsooth mine, quoth you; nay, as for
that---- 170

_Cri._ Now I remember, I ha' seen this on my servant
Tysefew's finger.

_Caq._ Such another.

_Cri._ Nay, I am sure this is it.

_Caq._ Troth, 'tis forsooth. The poor fellow wanted
money to pay for supper last night, and so pawn'd it to
me; 'tis a pawn, i'faith, or else you should have it.

_Tyse._ Hark ye, thou base lying--How dares thy impudence
hope to prosper? Were't not for the privilege
of this respected company, I would so bang thee. 180

_Cri._ Come hither, servant. What's the matter betwixt
you two?

_Caq._ Nothing; but hark you, he did me some uncivil
discourtesies last night; for which, because I should not
call him to account, he desires to make me any satisfaction.
The coward trembles at my very presence;
but I ha' him on the hip; I'll take the forfeit on his
ring.

_Tyse._ What's that you whisper to her? 189

_Caq._ Nothing, sir; but satisfy her that the ring was
not pawn'd, but only lent by you to grace my finger;
and so told her I craved pardon for being too familiar,
or indeed over-bold with your reputation.

_Cri._ Yes, indeed, he did. He said you desired to
make him any satisfaction for an uncivil discourtesy you
did him last night; but he said he had you o' the hip,
and would take the forfeit of your ring.

_Tyse._ How now, ye base poltroon.

_Caq._ Hold! hold! my mistress speaks by contraries.

_Tyse._ Contraries! 200

_Caq._ She jests--faith, only jests.

_Cri._ Sir, I'll no more o' your service--you are a child--I'll
give you to my nurse.

_Put._ And he come to me, I can tell you, as old as I
am, what to do with him.

_Caq._ I offer my service, forsooth.

_Tyse._ Why, so: now, every dog has his bone to
gnaw on.

_Free._ The masque holds, Master Caqueteur.

_Caq._ I am ready, sir. Mistress, I'll dance with you,
ne'er fear--I'll grace you. 211

_Put._ I tell you, I can my singles and my doubles, and
my trick o' twenty[60]--my carantapace--my traverse forward--and
my falling back, yet, i'faith.

_Bea._ Mine! The provision for the night is ours.
Much must be our care; till night we leave you;
I am your servant, be not tyrannous.
Your virtue won me; faith, my love's not lust;
Good, wrong me not; my most fault is much trust.

_Free._ Until night only, my heart be with you. Farewell,
sister. 221

_Cri._ Adieu, brother. Come on, sister, for these
sweetmeats.

_Free._ Let's meet and practise presently.

_Tyse._ Content; we'll but fit our pumps. Come, ye
pernicious vermin.

[_Exeunt all but_ FREEVILL.

_Enter_ MALHEUREUX.

_Free._ My friend, wished hours! What news from Babylon?
How does the woman of sin and natural concupiscence?

_Mal._ The eldest child of nature ne'er beheld
So damn'd a creature. 230

_Free._ What! _In nova fert animus mutatas dicere formas?_
Which way bears the tide?

_Mal._ Dear loved sir, I find a mind courageously
vicious may be put on a desperate security; but can
never be blessed with a firm enjoying and self-satisfaction.

_Free._ What passion is this, my dear Lindabrides?[61]

_Mal._ 'Tis well; we both may jest; I ha' been tempted
to your death.

_Free._ What, is the rampant cocatrice grown mad for
the loss of her men? 241

_Mal._ Devilishly mad.

_Free._ As most assured of my second love?

_Mal._ Right.

_Free._ She would have had this ring.

_Mal._ Ay, and this heart; and in true proof you were
slain, I should bring her this ring, from which she was
assured
You would not part until from life you parted;
For which deed, and only for which deed, I should
possess her sweetness. 251

_Free._ O! bloody villains! Nothing is defamed but
by his proper self. Physicians abuse remedies; lawyers
spoil the law; and women only shame women. You
ha' vow'd my death?

_Mal._ My lust, not I, before my reason would; yet I
must use her. That I, a man of sense, should conceive
endless pleasure in a body whose soul I know to be so
hideously black! 259

_Free._ That a man at twenty-three should cry, O sweet
pleasure! and at forty-three should sigh, O sharp pox!
But consider man furnished with omnipotence, and you
overthrow him; thou must cool thy impatient appetite.
'Tis fate, 'tis fate!

_Mal._ I do malign my creation that I am subject to
passion. I must enjoy her.

_Free._ I have it, mark. I give a masque to-night
To my love's kindred; in that thou shalt go.
In that we two make show of falling out.
Give seeming challenge--instantly depart, 270
With some suspicion to present fight.
We will be seen as going to our swords;
And after meeting, this ring only lent,
I'll lurk in some obscure place, till rumour
(The common bawd to loose suspicions)
Have feign'd me slain, which (in respect myself
Will not be found, and our late seeming quarrel)
Will quickly sound to all as earnest truth.
Then to thy wench; protest me surely dead;
Show her this ring, enjoy her, and, blood cold, 280
We'll laugh at folly.

_Mal._ O but think of it!

_Free._ Think of it! come away; virtue, let sleep thy passions;
What old times held as crimes, are now but fashions.

[_Exeunt._

[53] Old eds. "goose-_turnd_-greene."--"Merde oye. A
_Goose-turd-greene_."--_Cotgrave._

[54] Tacitus has the same sensible observation about prohibited
books:--"Convictum Veientonem Italia depulit [Nero] et libros
exuri jussit, _conquisitos lectitatosque, donec cum periculo
parabantur: mox licentia habendi oblivionem attulit_."--_Ann._,
xiv. 50. But in these days of "anthropological" research a public
censor of morals might to the advantage of the community be
allowed to exercise authority. Discretion, of course, would have
to be used; otherwise this edition of Marston might be called in;
_absit omen!_

[55] See Dyce's _Shakesp. Glossary_.

[56] For information about the city-giants see Fairholt's
excellent _History of Lord Mayors' Pageants_, p. 76 (Percy
Society).

[57] Proposal, scheme.

[58] Nineveh was one of the most famous of the _motions_ (_i.e._,
puppet-shows); Julius Cæsar was also a favourite (see Middleton,
viii. 95-6). Ben Jonson alludes to the motion of "Jonas and the
Whale" in _Every Man out of his Humour_. In Jonson's _Bartholomew
Fair_, v. 1, there is a mention of the motion of Jerusalem:--"O
the motions that I, Lanthorn Leatherhead, have given light to, in
my time, since my master Pod died! Jerusalem was a stately thing,
and so was Nineveh," &c.

[59] So ed. 2.--Ed. 1. "'tis the."

[60] See note, vol. i. p. 276.

[61] A character in the romance of _The Mirror of Chivalry_ (see
note, vol. i. p. 30).

SCENE II.

_House of_ Master BURNISH, _the jeweller_.

_Enter_ Master BURNISH[62] _and_ LIONEL. Master MULLIGRUB, _with a
standing cup in his hand, and an obligation[63] in the other_.
COCLEDEMOY _stands at the other door, disguised like a French
pedlar, and overhears them_.

_Mul._ I am not at this time furnish'd; but there's my
bond for your plate.

_Bur._ Your bill had been sufficient: y'are a good[64]
man. A standing cup parcel-gilt[65] of thirty-two ounces,
eleven pounds seven shillings, the first of July. Good
plate--good man--good day--good all.

_Mul._ 'Tis my hard fortune; I will hang the knave.
No, first he shall half rot in fetters in the dungeon--his
conscience made despairful. I'll hire a knave o' purpose--shall
assure him he is damn'd; and after see him with
mine own eyes, hang'd without singing any psalm. Lord,
that he has but one neck! 12

_Bur._ You are too tyrannous;--you'll use me no
further?

_Mul._ No, sir; lend me your servant, only to carry the
plate home. I have occasion of an hour's absence.

_Bur._ With easy consent, sir.--Haste and be careful.

[_Exit_ BURNISH.

_Mul._ Be very careful, I pray thee,--to my wife's own
hands.

_Lio._ Secure yourself, sir. 20

_Mul._ To her own hand!

_Lio._ Fear not, I have delivered greater things than
this to a woman's own hand.

_Coc._ Mounsier, please you to buy a fine delicate ball,
sweet ball--a camphor ball?

_Mul._ Prithee, away!

[_Exit_ LIONEL.

_Coc._ Wun'[66] a ball to scour--a scouring ball--a ball to
be shaved!

_Mul._ For the love of God! talk not of shaving. I
have been shaved--mischief and a thousand devils seize
him!--I have been shaved! 31

[_Exit_ MULLIGRUB.

_Coc._ The fox grows fat when he is cursed--I'll shave
ye smoother yet. Turd on a tile stone! my lips have a
kind of rheum at this bole. I'll have't--I'll gargalise
my throat with this vintner, and when I have done with
him, spit him out. I'll shark! Conscience does not
repine. Were I to bite an honest gentleman, a poor
grogaran poet, or a penurious parson that had but ten
pigs' tails in a twelvemonth, and, for want of learning, had
but one good stool in a fortnight, I were damn'd beyond
the works of supererogation; but to wring the withers of
my gouty-barm'd spiggod-frigging jumbler of elements,
Mulligrub, I hold it as lawful as sheep-shearing, taking
eggs from hens, caudles from asses, or butter'd shrimps
from horses--they make no use of them, were not provided
for them. And, therefore, worshipful Cocledemoy,
hang toasts! On, in grace and virtue to proceed,
only beware, beware degrees. There be rounds in a
ladder, and knots in a halter; ware carts, hang toasts,
the common council has decreed it! I must draw a lot
for the great goblet. 51

[_Exit._

[62] Old eds. "Garnish."

[63] Bond.

[64] Mulligrub is _good_ as Antonio was _good_ in Shylock's eyes:--"My
meaning in saying he is a _good_ man is to have you understand that he is
sufficient."

[65] Partly gilt,--with part of the work gilt and part left ungilded.

[66] _i.e._, want.--Old eds. "One."

SCENE III.

_A Tavern._

_Enter_ Mistress MULLIGRUB, _and_ LIONEL _with a goblet_.

_Mistress Mul._ Nay, I pray you, stay and drink; and
how does your mistress? I know her very well--I have
been inward with her, and so has many more. She was
ever a good, patient creature, i'faith! With all my
heart, I'll remember your master, an honest man. He
knew me before I was married! An honest man he is,
and a crafty. He comes forward in the world well, I
warrant him; and his wife is a proper woman, that she
is. Well, she has been as proper a woman as any in
Cheap. She paints now, and yet she keeps her husband's
old customers to him still. In troth, a fine-faced
wife, in a wainscot-carved seat,[67] is a worthy ornament
to a tradesman's shop, and an attractive, I warrant; her
husband shall find it in the custom of his ware, I'll
assure him. God be with you, good youth; I acknowledge
the receipt. [_Exit_ LIONEL.] I acknowledge all the
receipt--sure, 'tis very well spoken--I acknowledge the
receipt. Thus 'tis to have good education, and to be
brought up in a tavern. I do keep as gallant and as
good company, though I say it, as any she in London.
Squires, gentlemen, and knights diet at my table, and I
do lend some of them money; and full many fine men
go upon my score, as simple as I stand here, and I trust
them; and truly they very knightly and courtly promise
fair, give me very good words, and a piece of flesh when
time of year serves. Nay, though my husband be a
citizen, and's cap's made of wool,[68] yet I ha' wit, and
can see my good as soon as another, for I have all the
thanks; my silly husband, alas! he knows nothing of
it; 'tis I that bear--'tis I that must bear a brain[69] for all.

_Enter_ COCLEDEMOY.

_Coc._ Fair hour to you, mistress! 31

_Mistress Mul._ Fair hour!--fine term!--faith, I'll score
it up anon.--A beautiful thought to you, sir.

_Coc._ Your husband, and my master, Mr. Burnish,[70]
has sent you a jole of fresh salmon, and they both will
come to dinner to season your new cup with the best
wine, which cup your husband entreats you to send back
by me, that his arms may be graved a' the side, which
he forgot before it was sent.

_Mistress Mul._ By what token are you sent?--by no
token? Nay, I have wit. 41

_Coc._ He sent me by the same token, that he was dry
shaved this morning.

_Mistress Mul._ A sad token, but true. Here, sir, I
pray you commend me to your master, but especially to
your mistress. Tell them they shall be most sincerely
welcome.

[_Exit._

_Coc._ Shall be most sincerely welcome! Worshipful
Cocledemoy, lurk close. Hang toasts! Be not ashamed
of thy quality! Every man's turd smells well in's own
nose. Vanish, foyst! 51

[_Exit._

_Re-enter_ Mistress MULLIGRUB, _with servants and
furniture for the table_.

_Mistress Mul._ Come, spread these table diaper napkins,
and--do you hear--perfume this parlour; does so
smell of profane tobacco. I could never endure this
ungodly tobacco, since one of our elders assured me,
upon his knowledge, tobacco was not used in the congregation
of the family of love. Spread, spread handsomely--Lord?
these boys do things arsy-versy--you
show your bringing up. I was a gentlewoman by my
sister's side--I can tell ye so methodically. Methodically!
I wonder where I got that word? O! Sir
Aminadab Ruth bad me kiss him methodically!--I had
it somewhere, and I had it indeed. 63

_Enter_ Master MULLIGRUB.

_Mul._ Mind, be not desperate; I'll recover all.
All things with me shall seem honest that can be profitable,
He must ne'er winch, that would or thrive or save,
To be call'd niggard, cuckold, cut-throat, knave!

_Mistress Mul._ Are they come, husband?

_Mul._ Who?--what?--how now? What feast towards
in my private parlour? 70

_Mistress Mul._ Pray leave your foolery! What, are
they come?

_Mul._ Come--who come?

_Mistress Mul._ You need not make't so strange!

_Mul._ Strange?

_Mistress Mul._ Ay, strange. You know no man that
sent me word that he and his wife would come to dinner
to me, and sent this jole of fresh salmon beforehand?

_Mul._ Peace--not I--peace! The messenger hath
mistaken the house; let's eat it up quickly before it be
inquired for. Sit to it--some vinegar--quick! Some
good luck yet. Faith, I never tasted salmon relish
better! Oh! when a man feeds at other men's cost! 83

_Mistress Mul._ Other men's cost! Why, did not you
send this jole of salmon?

_Mul._ No.

_Mistress Mul._ By Master Burnish'[71] man?

_Mul._ No.

_Mistress Mul._ Sending me word that he and his wife
would come to dinner to me? 90

_Mul._ No, no.

_Mistress Mul._ To season my new bowl?

_Mul._ Bowl!

_Mistress Mul._ And withal will'd me to send the bowl
back.

_Mul._ Back!

_Mistress Mul._ That you might have your arms graved
on the side?

_Mul._ Ha!

_Mistress Mul._ By the same token you were dry-shaven
this morning before you went forth. 101

_Mul._ Pah! how this salmon stinks!

_Mistress Mul._ And thereupon sent the bowl back,
prepar'd dinner--nay, and I bear not a brain.

_Mul._ Wife, do not vex me! Is the bowl gone?--is
it deliver'd?

_Mistress Mul._ Deliver'd! Yes, sure, 'tis deliver'd.

_Mul._ I will never more say my prayers. Do not
make me mad; 'tis common. Let me not cry like a
woman. Is it gone? 110

_Mistress Mul._ Gone? God is my witness, I deliver'd
it with no more intention to be cozen'd on't than the
child new born; and yet----

_Mul._ Look to my house! I am haunted with evil
spirits! Hear me; do hear me! If I have not my
goblet again, heaven! I'll to the devil,--I'll to a conjurer.
Look to my house! I'll raise all the wise men
i' the street.

[_Exit._

_Mistress Mul._ Deliver us! What words are these? I
trust in God he is but drunk, sure. 120

_Re-enter_ COCLEDEMOY.

_Coc._ I must have the salmon too; worship[ful] Cocledemoy,
now for the masterpiece. God bless thy neckpiece,
and foutra!--Fair mistress, my master----

_Mistress Mul._ Have I caught you?--what, Roger?

_Coc._ Peace, good mistress. I'll tell you all. A jest;
a very mere jest: your husband only took sport to
fright you:--the bowl's at my master's; and there is
your husband, who sent me in all haste lest you should
be over-frighted with his feigning, to come to dinner to
him. 130

_Mistress Mul._ Praise heaven it is no worse.

_Coc._ And desired me to desire you to send the jole of
salmon before, and yourself to come after to them; my
mistress would be right glad to see you.

_Mistress Mul._ I pray carry it. Now thank them
entirely. Bless me, I was never so out of my skin in
my life! pray thank your mistress most entirely.

_Coc._ So now, figo! worshipful Mall Faugh and I will
munch; cheaters and bawds go together like washing
and wringing. 140

[_Exit._

_Mistress Mul._ Beshrew his heart for his labour, how
everything about[72] me quivers. What, Christian! my
hat and aporn:[73] here, take my sleeves. And how I
tremble! so I'll gossip it now for't, that's certain; here
has been revolutions and false fires indeed.

_Enter_ MULLIGRUB.

_Mul._ Whither now?--what's the matter with you now?--whither
are you a-gadding?

_Mistress Mul._ Come, come, play the fool no more.
Will you go?

_Mul._ Whither, in the rank name of madness--whither?

_Mistress Mul._ Whither?--why to Master Burnish,[74] to
eat the jole of salmon. Lord, how strange you make
it! 153

_Mul._ Why so?--why so?

_Mistress Mul._ Why so? Why, did not you send the
self-same fellow for the jole of salmon that had the cup?

_Mul._ 'Tis well,--'tis very well.

_Mistress Mul._ And will'd me to come and eat it with
you at the goldsmith's?

_Mul._ O, ay, ay, ay,--art in thy right wits? 160

_Mistress Mul._ Do you hear?--make a fool of somebody
else; and you make an ass of me, I'll make an ox
of you,--do ye see?

_Mul._ Nay, wife, be patient; for, look you, I may be
mad, or drunk, or so; for my own part, though you can
bear more than I, yet I can do well. I will not curse
nor cry,[75] but Heaven knows what I think. Come, let's
go hear some music; I will never more say my prayers.
Let's go hear some doleful music. Nay, if Heaven forget
to prosper knaves, I'll go no more to the synagogue.
Now I am discontented, I'll turn sectary; that is fashion.

[_Exeunt._

[67] Tradesmen were frequently accused of using their wives as
lures to attract customers. We shall hear more of this subject
when we reach the satires.

[68] For the benefit of cappers an act was passed in 1571 that
caps of wool ("statute-caps") should be worn by citizens on the
Sabbath and on holidays.

[69] "Bear a brain"--keep a shrewd memory.

[70] Old eds. "Garnish."

[71] Old eds. "Garnish."

[72] Ed. 1. "about, abour."

[73] Old form of "apron," (which is the reading of ed. 2).

[74] Old eds. "Garnish."

[75] Ed. 1. "cary."--Ed. 2. "care I."