Chapter XXXIV: An Answer to Mrs. Crowe.--By Fanny Fern

"'I incline to think that a girl really in love--one who
bore the evident symptoms of the malady--would be thought
very improper; yet I have often fancied that there must be a
man born in the world for every woman; one whom to see would
be to love, to reverence, to adore; one with whom her
sympathies would so entirely blend, that she would recognize
him at once her true lord. Now and then these pairs come
together; and woe to her who meets this other self too
late.'"

--_Mrs. Crowe._

Oh, my dear Mrs. Crowe, don't speak of it! Isn't it _dreadful_ to think of? It is not only _woe_, but WHOA!! You mustn't _look_ at him, woman alive; nor _think_ of him. Just number over all _Mr._ Crowe's excellencies on your ten fingers; get married over again, (if it will help you any); do anything but think of that '_other self_.' I've no manner of doubt but Satan will send him across your path at every turn and corner. Turn your _head_ away, if you can't your _heart_. The more you like him, the more you mustn't let him see it; but, my gracious! you MUSTN'T like him! of course you understand THAT! Shut your eyes to moonlight and starlight; peruse Euclid and _Walker's Dictionary_, (NOT WEBSTER'S!) and _Lives of the Martyrs_, and the Almanac. Don't make your heart soft, reading poetry, or hearing music. _Live low_ and _look high_; redouble your attention to _Mr. Crowe_; drive round as if you hadn't a minute to live; where you used to put _one_ stitch in your husband's coat, put a _dozen_ now! Take good care of the _little 'Crowes_!' and NEVER let Mr. Crowe go on a journey, in these days of steamboat accidents and railroad collisions! He might _get hurt_, you know! How can you tell? 'TISN'T SAFE!'"