Chapter XVII: Act IV: Scene I

_Before_ TAILBY’S _Lodging_.

_Enter a Servant[621] bringing in a suit of satin, who
knocks at_ TAILBY’S _door, from which enter_ JACK.

JACK. Who knocks?
SER. A Christian: pray, is not this master Tailby’s
lodging? I was directed hither.
JACK. Yes, this is my master’s lodging.
SER. Cry you mercy, sir: is he yet stirring?
JACK. He’s awake, but not yet stirring, for he played
away half his clothes last night.
SER. My mistress commends her secrets unto him, and
presents him by me with a new satin suit here.
JACK. Mass, that comes happily.
SER. And she hopes the fashion will content him.
JACK. There’s no doubt to be had of that, sir: your
mistress’ name, I pray? you’re much preciously welcome.
SER. I thank you uncommonly, sir.
JACK. The suit shall be accepted, I warrant you, sir.
SER. That’s all my mistress desires, sir.
JACK. Fare you well, sir.
SER. Fare you well, sir. [_Exit._
JACK. This will make my master leap out of the bed for
joy, and dance Wigmore’s galliard[622] in his shirt
about the chamber![623] [_Exit into the house._

SCENE II.

_A Hall in_ TAILBY’S _Lodging_.

_Enter_ TAILBY, _and_ JACK _trussing him_.[624]

TAI. Came this suit from mistress Cleveland?
JACK. She sent it secretly, sir.
TAI. A pretty requiteful squall! I like that woman that
can remember a good turn three months after the date; it
shews both a good memory and a very feeling spirit.
JACK. This came fortunately, sir, after all your ill
luck last night.
TAI. I’d beastly casting, Jack.
JACK. O abominable, sir! you had the scurviest hand: the
old serving-man swooped up all.
TAI. I am glad the fortune lighted upon the poor fellow,
by my troth; it made his master mad.
JACK. Did you mark that, sir? I warrant he has the
doggedest master of any poor fellow under the dog-sign:
I’d rather serve your worship, I’ll say that behind your
back, sir, for nothing, as indeed I have no standing
wages at all, your worship knows.
TAI. O, but your vails, Jack, your vails considered,
when you run to and fro between me and mistresses——
JACK. I must confess my vails are able to keep an honest
man, go I where I list.
TAI. Go to then, Jack.
JACK. But those vails stand with the state of your body,
sir, as long as you hold up your head: if that droop
once, farewell you, farewell I, farewell all; and droop
it will, though all the caudles in Europe should put to
their helping hands to’t: ’tis e’en as uncertain as
playing, now up and now down;[625] for if the bill down
rise to above thirty, here’s no place for players; so if
your years rise to above forty, there’s no room for old
lechers.
TAI. And that’s[626] the reason all rooms are taken up
for young templars.
JACK. You’re in the right, sir.
TAI. Pize on’t, I pawned a good beaver hat to master
Frip last night, Jack: I feel the want of it now. Hark,
who’s that knocks? [_Knocking within._

_Enter a Servant, bringing in a letter and a beaver
hat._

SER. Is master Tailby stirring?
JACK. What’s your pleasure with him? he walks here i’
th’ hall.
SER. Give your worship good morrow.
TAI. Welcome, honest lad.
SER. A letter from my mistress.
TAI. Who’s thy mistress?
SER. Mistress Newblock.
TAI. Mistress Newblock, my sincere love! how does she?
SER. Faith, only ill in the want of your sight.
TAI. Alas, dear sweet! I’ve had such business, I protest
I ne’er stood still since I saw her.
SER. She has sent your worship a beaver hat here, with a
band best in fashion.
TAI. How shall I requite this dear soul?
SER. ’Tis not a thing fit for me to tell you, sir, for I
have three years to serve yet: your worship knows how, I
warrant you.
TAI. I know the drift of her letter; and for the beaver,
say I accept it highly.
SER. O, she will be a proud woman of that, sir!
TAI. And hark thee; tell thy mistress, as I’m a
gentleman, I’ll despatch her out of hand the first thing
I do, a’ my credit: canst thou remember these words now?
SER. Yes, sir; as you are a gentleman, you’ll despatch
her out of hand the first thing you do.
TAI. Ay, a’ my credit.
SER. O, of your credit; I thought not of that, sir.
TAI. Remember that, good boy.
SER. Fear it not now, sir. [_Exit._
TAI. I dreamt to-night, Jack, I should have a secret
supply out a’ th’ city.
JACK. Your dream crawls out partly well, sir.—

_Enter a Servant, bringing in a purse._

What news there now?
SER. I have an errand to master Tailby.
JACK. Yonder walks my master.
SER. Mistress Tiffany commends her to your worship, and
has sent you your ten pound in gold back again, and says
she cannot furnish you of the same lawn you desire till
after All-holland-tide.[627]
TAI. Thank her she would let me understand so much.
[_Exit Servant._]—Ha, ha!
This wench will live: why, this was sent like a
Workwoman now; the rest are botchers to her.
Faith, I commend her cunning: she’s a fool
That makes her servant fellow to her heart;
It robs her of respect, dams up all duty,
Keeps her in awe e’en of the slave she keeps:
This takes a wise course—I commend her more—
Sends back the gold I never saw before.
Well, women are my best friends [still], i’faith.
Take[628] lands: give me
Good legs, firm back, white hand, black eye, brown hair,
And add but to these five a comely stature;
Let others live by art, and I by nature. [_Exeunt._

SCENE III.

_A Room, with a door opening into_ FITSGRAVE’S
_Bed-chamber_.

_Enter_ GOLDSTONE.

GOL. Master Bouser, master Bouser! ha, ha, ho! master
Bouser!
FIT. [_within_] Holla!
GOL. What, not out of thy kennel, master Bouser?
FIT. [_within_] Master Goldstone? you’re an early
gallant, sir.
GOL. A fair cloak yonder, i’faith. [_Aside._]—By my
troth, ’a bed, master Bouser? you remember your promise
well o’ernight!
FIT. [_within_] Why, what’s a’ clock, sir?
GOL. Do you ask that now? why, the chimes are spent at
Saint Bride’s.
FIT. [_within_] ’Tis a gentleman’s hour: faith, master
Goldstone, I’ll be ready in a trice.
GOL. Away, there’s no trust to you!
FIT. [_within_] Faith, I’ll come instantly.
GOL. Nay, choose whether you will or no,—by my troth,
your cloak shall go before you.
[_Aside, and takes_ FITSGRAVE’S _cloak_.
FIT. [_within_] Nay, master Goldstone, I ha’ sworn: do
you hear, sir?
GOL. Away, away! faith, I’m angry with you: pox, a-bed
now! I’m ashamed of it. [_Exit._

_As_ GOLDSTONE _goes out_, FITSGRAVE _enters in his
shirt_.

FIT. Foot, my cloak, my cloak, master Goldstone!
’slife, what mean you by this, sir? you’ll bring it
back again, I hope. No? not yet? by my troth, I care
very little for such kind of jesting: methinks this
familiarity now extends a little too far, unless it be
a new fashion come forth this morning secretly;
yesterday ’twould have shewn unmannerly and saucily. I
scarce know yet what to think on’t. Well, there’s no
great profit in standing in my shirt, I’ll on with my
clothes: has bound me to follow the suit: my cloak’s a
stranger; he was made but yesterday, and I do not love
to trust him alone in company. [_Exit._

SCENE IV.

A Street.

_Enter_ FRIPPERY, _wearing_ FITSGRAVE’S _cloak_.

FRI. What may I conjecture of this Goldstone? he has
not only pawned to me this cloak, but the very diamond
and sapphire which I bestowed upon my new love at master
Primero’s house: the cloak’s new, and comes fitly to do
me great grace at a wedding this morning, to which I was
solemnly invited. I can continue change more than the
proudest gallant of ’em all, yet never bestow penny of
myself, my pawns do so kindly furnish me: but the sight
of these jewels is able to cloy me, did I not preserve
my stomach the better for the wedding-dinner. A gift
could never have come in a more patient hour, nor to be
better disgested.[629] Is she proved false?

But I’ll not fret to-day nor chafe my blood.

_Enter_ PURSENET.

PUR. Ha! yonder goes Bouser: the place is fit.—
[_Calling out to Boy within._] Boy, stand with my horse
at corner.—

I owe you for a pink three inches deep, sir.
[_Strikes down_ FRIPPERY.
FRI. O—O—O!
PUR. Take that in part of payment for Combe Park.
[_Exit._
Fri. O—O—O!

_Enter_ FITSGRAVE.

FIT. How now, who’s this? ’sfoot, one of our gallants
knocked down like a calf! Is there such a plague of ’em
here at London, they begin to knock ’em a’ th’ head
already?
FRI. O master Bouser! pray, lend me your hand, sir; I am
slain!
FIT. Slain and alive? O cruel execution!
What man so savage-spirited durst presume
To strike down satin on two taffetas cut,
Or lift his hand against a beaver hat?
FRI. Some rogue that owes me money, and had no other
means. To a wedding-dinner! I must be dressed myself,
methinks.
FIT. How? why, this [is] my cloak: life, how came my
cloak hither?
FRI. Is it yours, sir? master Goldstone pawned it to me
this morning fresh and fasting, and borrowed five pound
upon’t.
FIT. How, pawned it? pray, let me hear out this
story: come, and I’ll lead[630] you to the next
barber-surgeon’s.—Pawned my cloak?
[_Exit, leading out_ FRIPPERY.

SCENE V.

_Another Street._

_Enter_ BUNGLER, GOLDSTONE, _and_ MARMADUKE.

BUN. How now, Marmaduke? what’s the wager?
MAR. Nay, my care is at end, sir, now I am come to the
sight of you. My mistress, your cousin, entreats you to
take part of a dinner with her at her house,[631] and
bring what gentleman you please to accompany you.
BUN. Thank my sweet coz: I’ll munch with her, say.
MAR. I’ll tell her so.
BUN. Marmaduke——
MAR. Sir?
BUN. Will there be any stock-fish, thinkest thou?
MAR. How, sir?
BUN. Tell my coz I’ve a great appetite to stock-fish,
i’faith. [_Exit_ MARMADUKE.]—Master Goldstone, I’ll
entreat you to be the gentleman that shall accompany me.
GOL. Not me, sir?
BUN. You, sir.
GOL.[632] By my troth, concluded. What state bears thy
coz, sirrah?
BUN. O, a fine merchant’s wife.
GOL. Or rather, a merchant’s fine wife.
BUN. Trust me, and that’s the properer phrase here at
London; and ’tis as absurd too to call him fine
merchant, for, being at sea, a man knows not what pickle
he is in.
GOL. Why, true.
BUN. Yet my coz will be served in plate, I can tell you;
she has her silver jugs and her gilt tankards.
GOL. Fie!
BUN. Nay, you shall see a house dressed up, i’faith; you
must not think to tread a’ th’ ground when you come
there.
GOL. No? how then?
BUN. Why, upon paths made of fig-frails[633] and white
blankets cut out in steaks.[634]
GOL. Away!—I have thought of a device. [_Aside._]—Where
shall we meet an hour hence?
BUN. In Paul’s.
GOL. Agreed. [_Exit_ BUNGLER.

_Enter_ FITSGRAVE.

FIT. The broker-gallant and the cheating-gallant:
Now I have found ’em all, I so rejoice,
That the redeeming of my cloak I weigh not.
I have spied him.
GOL. Pax,[635] here’s Bouser.
FIT. Master Goldstone, my cloak! come, where’s my cloak,
sir?
GOL. O, you’re a sure gentleman, especially if a man
stand in need of you! he may be slain in a morning to
breakfast ere you vouchsafe to peep out of your lodging.
FIT. How?
GOL. No less than four gallants, as I’m a gentleman,
drew all upon me at once, and opposed me so spitefully,
that I not only lost your cloak i’ th’ fray——
FIT. Comes it in there?
GOL. But my rich hangers,[636] sirrah,—I think thou hast
seen ’em.
FIT. Never, i’faith, sir.
GOL. Those with the two unicorns, all wrought in pearl
and gold: pox on’t, it frets me ten times more than the
loss of the paltry cloak: prithee, and[637] thou lovest
me, speak no more on’t; it brings the unicorns into my
mind, and thou wouldst not think how the conceit grieves
me. I will not do thee that disgrace, i’faith, to offer
thee any satisfaction, for in my soul I think thou
scornest it; thou bearest that mind, in my conscience; I
have always said so of thee. Fare thee well: when shall
I see thee at my chamber, when?
FIT. Every day, shortly.
GOL. I have fine toys to shew thee.
FIT. You win my heart then. [_Exit_ GOLDSTONE.] The
devil scarce knew what a portion he gave his children
when he allowed ’em large impudence to live upon, and so
turned ’em into th’ world: surely he gave away the third
part of the riches of his kingdom; revenues are but
fools to’t.
The filed[638] tongue and the undaunted forehead
Are mighty patrimonies, wealthier than those
The city-sire or the court-father leaves:
In these behold it: riches oft, like slaves,
Revolt; they bear their foreheads to their graves.
What soonest grasps advancement, men’s[639] great suits,
Trips down rich widows, gains repute and name,
Makes way where’er it comes, bewitches all?
Thou, Impudence! the minion of our days,
On whose pale cheeks favour and fortune plays.
Call you these your five gallants? trust me, they’re
rare fellows:
They live on nothing; many cannot live on something;
Here they may take example.—Suspectless virgin,
How easy had thy goodness been beguil’d!
Now only rests, that as to me they’re known,
So to the world their base arts may be shewn. _Exit._

SCENE VI.

_The Middle Aisle of St. Paul’s._[640]

_Enter_ PURSENET _and Boy_.

PUR. Art sure thou sawest him receive’t, boy?
BOY. Forty pound in gold, as I’m a gentleman born.
PUR. Thy father gave the ram’s head,[641] boy?
BOY. No, you’re deceived; my mother gave that, sir.
PUR. What’s thy mother’s is thy father’s.

_Enter_ PYAMONT.

BOY. I’m sorry it holds in the ram’s head. See, here he
walks; I was sure he came into Paul’s: the gold had been
yours, master, long ere this, but that he wears both his
hands in his pockets.
PUR. How unfortunately is my purpose seated! what the
devil should come in his mind to keep in his hands so
long? the biting but of a paltry louse would do me great
kindness now; I’d know[642] not how to requite it: will
no rascal creature assist me? Stay, what if I did
impudently salute ’em out? good. Boy, be ready, boy.
BOY. Upon the least advantage, sir.
PUR. You’re most devoutly met in Paul’s, sir.
PY. So are you, but I scarce remember you, sir.
PUR. O, I cry you mercy, sir; I pray, pardon me; I fear
I have tendered an offence, sir: troth, I took you at
the first for one master Dumpling, a Norfolk gentleman.
[_While_ PURSENET _speaks, the Boy watches in vain
for an opportunity to pick_ PYAMONT’S
_pocket_.
PY. There’s no harm done yet, sir.
PUR. I hope he is there by this time. [_Aside._]—How
now, boy, hast it?
BOY. No, by troth, have I not; this labour’s lost: ’tis
in the right pocket, and he kept that hand in sure
enough.
PUR. Unpractised gallant! salute me but with one hand,
like a counterfeit soldier? O times and manners! are we
grown beasts? do we salute by halves? are not our limbs
at leisure?
Where’s comely nurture? the Italian kiss,
Or the French cringe, with the Polonian waist?
Are all forgot?
Then misery follows.—Surely fate forbade it:
Had he employ’d but his right hand, I’d had it.

_Enter_ BUNGLER.

It must be an everlasting device, I think, that procures
both his hands out at once.
[_Aside, and exit with Boy._
PY. Do you walk, sir?[643]
BUN. No, I stay a little for a gentleman’s coming too.

PY. Farewell then, sir: I have forty pound in gold about
me, which I must presently send down into the country.
BUN. Fare you well, sir. [_Exit_ PYAMONT.]—I wonder
master Goldstone spares my company so long; ’tis now
about the navel of the day, upon the belly of noon.

_Enter_ GOLDSTONE _and_ FULK, _both disguised_.

GOL. See where he walks: be sure you let off at a
twinkling, now.
FULK. When did I miss you?—Your worship has forgot you
promised mistress Newcut, your cousin, to dine with her
this day.
GOL. Mass, that was well remembered.
BUN. I am bold to salute you, sir.
GOL. Sir?
BUN. Is mistress Newcut your cousin, sir?
GOL. Yes, she’s a cousin of mine, sir.
BUN. Then I am a cousin of yours, by the sister’s side.
GOL. Let me salute you then; I shall be glad of your
farther acquaintance.
BUN. I am a bidden guest there too.
GOL. Indeed, sir!
BUN. Faith, invited this morning.
GOL. Your good company shall be kindly embraced, sir.
BUN. I walk a turn or two here for a gentleman, but I
think he’ll either overtake me, or be before me.
GOL. ’Tis very likely, sir.—There, sirrah, go to dinner,
and about two wait for me.
BUN. Nay, let him come between two and three, cousin,
for we love to sit long at dinner i’ th’ city.
GOL. Come, sweet cousin.
BUN. Nay, cousin; keep your way, cousin; good cousin, I
will not, i’faith, cousin. [_Exeunt._

SCENE VII.

_A Room in_ MISTRESS NEWCUT’S _House_: MARMADUKE _laying
the cloth for dinner_.

_Enter_ MISTRESS NEWCUT.

MIS. N. Why, how now, sirrah? upon twelve of the clock,
and not the cloth laid yet? must we needs keep Exchange
time still?
MAR. I am about it, forsooth.
MIS. N. You’re about it, forsooth? you’re still about
many things, but you ne’er do one well. I am an ass to
keep thee in th’ house, now my husband’s at sea; thou
hast no audacity with thee; a foolish, dreaming lad,
fitter to be in the garret than in any place else; no
grace nor manly behaviour: when didst thou ever come to
me but with thy head hanging down? O decheerful
’prentice, uncomfortable servant! [_Exit_ MARMADUKE.]—
Pray heaven the gull, my cousin, has so much wit left as
to bring master Tailby along with him, my comfort, my
delight! for that was the chiefest cause I did invite
him. I bade him bring what gentleman he pleased to
accompany him; as far as I durst go: why may he not then
make choice of master Tailby? had he my wit or feeling
he would do’t.

_Enter_ BUNGLER, _and_ GOLDSTONE _disguised_.

BUN. Where’s my sweet cousin here? does she lack any
guess?[644]
MIS. N. Ever such guess as you: you’re welcome, cousin.
GOL. I am rude, lady.
MIS. N. You’re most welcome, sir.
BUN. There will be a gallant here anon, coz; he promised
faithfully.
MIS. N. Who is’t? master Tailby?
BUN. Master Tailby? no, master Goldstone.
MIS. N. Master Goldstone? I could think well of that
Goldstone were’t not for one vild[645] trick he has.
GOL. What’s that, lady?
MIS. N. In jest he will pawn his punks for suppers.
GOL. That’s a vild part in him, i’faith, and[646] he
were my brother.
MIS. N. Pray, gentlemen, sit awhile; your dinner shall
come presently. [_Exit._
GOL. Yea, mistress Newcut? at first give me a trip?
A close bite always asks a secret nip. [_Aside._
BUN. My cousin here is a very kind-natured soul,
i’faith, in her humour.
GOL. Pooh, you know her not so well as I, coz; I have
observed her in all her humours; you ne’er saw her a
little waspish, I think.
BUN. I have [not], i’faith.
GOL. Pooh, then ye ne’er saw pretty humour in your life;
I can bring her into’t when I list.
BUN. Would you could, i’faith!
GOL. Would I could? by my troth, and I were sure thou
couldst keep thy countenance, coz, what a pretty jest
have I thought upon already to entertain time before
dinner!
BUN. Prithee, coz, what is’t? I love a jest a’
life,[647] i’faith.
GOL. Ah, but I am jealous[648] you will not keep your
countenance, i’faith! Why, ye shall see a pretty story
of a humour.[649] Faith, I’ll try you for once: you know
my cousin will wonder when she comes in to see the cloth
laid, and ne’er a salt upon the board.
BUN. That’s true, i’faith.
GOL. Now will I stand a while out of sight with it, and
give her humour play a little.
BUN. Coz, dost thou love me? and thou wilt ever do any
thing for me, do’t.
GOL. Marry, I build upon you[r] countenance.
BUN. Why, dost thou think I’m an ass, coz?
GOL. I would be loath to undertake it else; for if you
should burst out presently, coz, the jest would be
spoiled.
BUN. Why, do not I know that? Away, stand close: [_exit_
GOLDSTONE _with the salt-cellar_] so, so; mum, cousin.—A
merry companion, i’faith: here will be good sport anon,—
whist, she comes.

_Re-enter_ MISTRESS NEWCUT.

MIS. N. I make you stay[650] long for a bad dinner
here, cousin; if master Goldstone were come, the meat’s
e’en ready.
BUN. Some great business detains him, cousin; but he’ll
not be long now.
MIS. N. Why, how now? cuds my life!——
BUN. Why——
MIS. N. Was ever mistress so plagued with a
shuttle-headed servant!—Why, Marmaduke!

_Re-enter_ MARMADUKE.

MAR. I come, forsooth.
MIS. N. Able to shame me from generation to generation!
MAR. Did you call, forsooth?
MIS. N. Come hither, forsooth: did you lay this cloth?
MAR. Yes, forsooth.
MIS. N. Do you use to lay a cloth without a salt, a
salt, a salt, a salt, a salt, a salt!
MAR. How many salts would you have? I’m sure I set the
best i’ th’ house upon the board.
BUN. How, cousin? [_sings_] _Cousin, cousin, did call,
coz?_
MIS. N. Did you see a salt upon the board when you came
in?
BUN. Pooh!
MIS. N. Come, come, I thought as much; beshrew your
fingers, where is’t now?
BUN. Your cousin yonder——
MIS. N. Why, the man’s mad!
BUN. Cousin, hist, cousin!
MIS. N. What say you?
BUN. Pooh, I call not you, I call my cousin.—Come forth
with the salt, cousin! Ha! how? nobody? Why, was not he
that came in e’en now your cousin?
MIS. N. My cousin? O my bell-salt, O my great bell-salt!

_Re-enter_ GOLDSTONE _in his own dress_.

BUN. The tenor bell-salt. O, here comes master
Goldstone now, cousin; he may tell us some news on him.—
Did you not meet a fellow about door with a great silver
salt under his arm?
GOL. No, sure; I met none such.
MIS. N. Pardon me, sir, I forgot all this while to bid
you welcome. I shall loathe this room for ever. Take
hence the cloth, you unlucky, maple-faced[651] rascal.—
Come, you shall dine in my chamber, sir.
GOL. No better place, lady. [_Exeunt._

SCENE VIII.

_A Street._

_Enter_ PYAMONT.

PY. No less than forty pound in fair gold at one lift!
the next shall swoon and swoon again till the devil
fetch him, ere I set hand to him. Heart, nothing vexes
me so much, but that I paid the goldsmith[652] for the
change too not an hour before: had I let it alone in the
chain of silver as it was at first, it might have given
me some notice at his departure: ’sfoot, I could fight
with a windmill now. Sure ’twas some unlucky villain:
why should he come and salute me wrongfully too, mistake
me at noonday? Now I think on’t in cold blood, it could
not be but an induction to some villanous purpose: well,
I shall meet him——

_Enter_ PURSENET.

PUR. This forty pound came fortunately to redeem my
chain of pearl from mortgage: I would not care how often
I swooned[653] to have such a good caudle[654] to
comfort me; gold and pearl are[655] very restorative.

PY. See, yonder’s the rogue I suspect for foul play!
I’ll walk muffled by him, offer some offence or cause of
a quarrel, only to try his temper; if he be a coward,
he’s the likelier to be a rogue, an infallible note.
[_Jostles_ PURSENET.
PUR. What a pox ail you, sir? would I had been aware of
you!
PY. Sir, speak you to me?
PUR. Not I, sir: pray, keep on your way; I have nothing
to say to you.
PY. You’re a rascal!
PUR. You may say your pleasure, sir; but I hope I go not
like a rascal.
PY. Are you fain to fly to your clothes because you’re
gallant? why, there’s no rascal like your gallant
rascal, believe that.
PUR. You have took me at such an hour, faith, you may
call me e’en what you please; nothing will move me.
PY. No? I’ll make somewhat move you. Draw! I suspected
you were a rogue, and you have purst it up well with a
coward!
PUR. Who, my patron?
PY. Keep out, you rascal!
PUR. The guest that did me the kindness in Paul’s? Hold!
as you are a gentleman; you’ll give me breath, sir?
[_Exit running; and as he goes out, drops the
chain of pearl._
PY. Are you there with me? a vengeance stop you! You
have found breath enough to run away from me. I will
never meet this slave hereafter in a morning but I will
breathe myself upon him; since I can have no other
satisfaction, he shall save me that forty pound in
fence-school. [_Exit._

_Enter_ GOLDSTONE.

GOL. When things are cleanly carried, sign of judgment:
I was the welcom’st gallant to her alive
After the salt was stolen; then a good dinner,
A fine provoking meal, which drew on apace
The pleasure of a day-bed, and I had it;
This here one ring can witness: when I parted,
Who but _sweet master Goldstone_? I left her in that
trance.
What cannot wit, so it be impudent,
Devise and compass? I’d[656] fain know that fellow now
That would suspect me but for what I am;
He lives not:
’Tis all in the conveyance.[657] What! thou look’st not
Like a beggar: what mak’st thou on the ground?
I’ve[658] a hand to help thee up: a fair chain of pearl!
[_Takes up the chain of pearl which_ PURSENET
_had dropt_.
Surely a merchant’s wife gives lucky handsel:
They that find pearl may wear’t at a cheap rate;
Marry, my lady dropt it from her arm
For a device to tole me to her bed:
I’ve seen as great a matter.—Who be these?
I’ll be too crafty for you.—

_Enter_ PRIMERO _and_ FRIPPERY.

O monsieur Primero, signior Frip; is it you, gallants?'
FRI. Sweet master Goldstone! [_They talk apart._

_Enter_ TAILBY _and two Constables_.

TAI. Every bawd exceeds me in fortune: master Primero
was robbed of a carkanet[659] upon Monday last;
laid[660] the goldsmiths, and found it. I ha’ laid
goldsmith,[661] jeweller, burnisher, broker, and the
devil and all, I think, yet could never so much as hear
of that chain of pearl: he was a notable thief; he works
close. Peace, who be these? ha, let me see. By this
light, there it is! Back, lest they see thee: a happy
minute! Goldstone? What an age do we breathe in! who
that saw him now would think he were maintained by
purses? so, who that meets me would think I were
maintained by wenches? As far as I can see, ’tis all
one case, and holds both in one court; we are both
maintained by the common roadway! Keep thou thine own
heart, thou livest unsuspected. I leese[662] you again
now.
GOL. But, I pray you, tell me,
Met you no gentlewomen by the way you came?
FRI. Not any: what should they be?
GOL. Nay, I do but ask,
Because a gentlewoman’s glove was found
Near to the place I met you.
PRI. Faith, we saw none, sir.
TAI. Good officers, upon suspicion of felony.
S. CON. Very good, sir.
F. CON. What call you the thief’s name you do suspect?
TAI. Master Justinian Goldstone.
F. CON. Remember, master Justice Goldstone; a terrible
world the whilst, my masters!
TAI. Look you, that’s he: upon him, officers!
F. CON. I see him not yet; which is he, sir?
TAI. Why, that.
F. CON. He a thief, sir? who, that gentleman i’ th’
satin?
TAI. E’en he.
F. CON. Farewell, sir; you’re a merry gentleman.
TAI. As you will answer it, officers! I’ll bear you out,
I’ll be your warrant.
F. CON. Nay, and[663] you say so—what’s his name then?
TAI. Justinian Goldstone.
F. CON. Master Justinian Goldstone, we apprehend you,
sir, upon suspicion of felony.
GOL. Me?
TAI. You, sir.
S. CON. I charge you, in the king’s name, gentlemen, to
assist us.
GOL. Master Tailby!
TAI. The same man, sir.
GOL. Life, what’s the news?
TAI. Ha’ you forgot Combe Park?
GOL. Combe Park? no, ’tis in Kingston way.
TAI. I believe you’ll find it so.
GOL. I not deny it.
F. CON. Bear witness, has confessed.
GOL. What have I confessed? Pair of coxcombs
indubitable!
TAI. I was robb’d finely of this chain of pearl there,
And forty fair spur-royals.[664]
GOL. Did I rob you?
TAI. There where I find my goods I may suspect, sir.
FRI. I dreamt this would be his end. [_Aside._
GOL. See how I am wrong’d, gentlemen:
As I’ve[665] a soul, I found this chain of pearl
Not three yards from this place, just when I met you.
TAI. Ha, ha!
FRI. Yet the law’s such, if he but swear ’tis you,
You’re gone.
GOL. Pox on’t, that e’er I saw’t!
FRI. Can you but swear ’tis he? do but that, and you
tickle him, i’faith.
TAI. Nay, and[666] it come once to swearing, let me
alone.
FRI. Say, and hold; he called my jewels counterfeit, and
so cheated the poor wench of ’em.
F. CON. Come, bring him away, come.
GOL. ’Twill call my state in question.

_Re-enter_ PURSENET.

PUR. I think what’s got by theft doth never prosper;
Now lost my chain of pearl.—Come, master Goldstone,
Let go; ’tis[667] mine, i’faith.
GOL. The chain of pearl?
PUR. By my troth, it’s mine.
GOL. By my troth, much good do’t you, sir.
FRI. I’m glad in my soul, sir.[668]
F. CON. Deliver your weapons.
PUR. How?
F. CON. You’re apprehended upon suspicion of felony.
PUR. Felony? what’s that?
TAI. Was it you, i’faith, sir, all this while, that did
me that kindness to ease both my pockets at Combe Park?
PUR. I, sir? Pray, gentlemen, draw near; let’s talk
among ourselves.—Stand apart, scoundrel.—Must every
gentleman be upbraided in public that flies out now and
then upon necessity, to be themes for pedlars and
weavers? This should not be; ’twas never seen among the
Romans, nor read we of it in the time of Brute: are we
more brutish now? Did I list to blab, do not I know your
course of life, master Tailby, to be as base as the
basest, maintained by me, by him, by all of us, and ’a
second-hand from mistresses? I’ve their letters here to
shew.
Why should you be so violent to strip naked
Another’s reputation to the world,
Knowing your own so leprous?
Beside, this chain of pearl and those spur-royals[669]
Came to you falsely; for she broke her faith,
And made her soul a strumpet with her body,
When she sent those; they were ever justly mine.—
Pray, what moves you, sir? why should you shake your
head? you’re clear; sure I should know you, sir: pray,
are not you sometimes a pander, and oftener a bawd, sir?
have I never sinned in your banqueting boxes, your
bowers and towers? You slave, that keeps fornication
upon the tops of trees! the very birds cannot engender
in quiet for you: why, rogue, that goes in good clothes
made out of wenches’ cast gowns——
PRI. Nothing goes so near my heart as that.
PUR. Do you shake your slave’s noddle?
TAI. And here’s a rascal, look, a’ ’s way[670]
too—saving the presence of master Goldstone—a
filthy-slimy-lousy-nittical broker, pricked up in
pawns from the hat-band to the shoe-string; a
necessary hook to hang gentlemen’s suits out i’
th’ air, lest they should grow musty with long
lying, which his pawns seldom are guilty of; a
fellow of several scents and steams, French,
Dutch, Italian, English, and therefore his lice
must needs be mongrels: why, bill-money——
GOL. I am sorry to hear this among you: you’ve all
deceived me; truly I took you for other spirits. You
must pardon me henceforward; I have a reputation to look
to; I must be no more seen in your companies.
FRI. Nay, nay, nay, nay, master Goldstone, you must not
’scape so, i’faith; one word before you go, sir.
GOL. Pray, despatch then; I would not for half my
revenues, i’faith, now, that any gallants should pass by
in the meantime, and find me in your companies; nay, as
quick as you can, sir.
FRI. You did not take away master Bouser’s cloak t’other
morning, pawned it to me, and borrowed five pound
upon’t?
GOL. Ha!
FRI. ’Twas not you neither that finely cheated my little
novice at master Primero’s house of a diamond and
sapphire, and swore they were counterfeit, both glass,
mere glass, as you were a right gentleman?
GOL. ’Slife, why were we strangers all this while?
’Sfoot, I perceive we are all natural brothers! A pox
on’s all, are we found, i’faith?
FRI. A cheater!
GOL. A thief, a lecher, a bawd, and a broker!
F. CON. What mean they to be so merry? I’m afraid they
laugh at us, and make fools on’s.
GOL. Push,[671] leave it to me.—How now, who would you
speak withal?
F. CON. Speak withal! Have we waited all this while for
a suspected thief?
GOL. How? You’re scarce awake yet, I think: look well,
does any appear like a thief in this company? Away, you
slaves! you stand loitering when you should look to the
commonwealth: you catch knaves apace now, do you not?
they may walk by your nose, you rascals!
[_Exeunt Constables._
ALL. Sweet master Goldstone!
GOL. You lacked spirit in your company till I came among
you: here be five on’s; let’s but glue together, why now
the world shall not come between us.
PUR. If we be true among ourselves.
GOL. Why, true; we cannot lack to be rich, for we cannot
lack riches, nor can our wenches want, nor we want
wenches.
PRI. Let me alone to furnish you with them.
TAI. And me.
GOL. There’s one care past: and as for the knight’s
daughter,
Our chiefest business, and least thought upon—
PUR. That’s true, i’faith.
TAI. How shall we agree for her?
GOL. With as much ease
As for the rest. To-morrow brings the night:
Let’s all appear in the best shape we may;
Troth is, we have need on’t:
And when amongst us five she makes election,
As one she shall choose—
PUR. True, she cannot [but] choose.
GOL. That one so fortunate amongst us five
Shall bear himself more portly, live regarded,
Keep house, and be a countenance to the rest.
ALL. Admirable![672]
GOL. For instance;
Put case yourself, after some robbery done,
Were pursu’d hardly, why there were your shelter,
You know your sanctuary; nay, say you were taken,
His letter to the justice will strike’t dead:
’Tis policy to receive one for the head.
ALL. Let’s hug thee, Goldstone.
GOL. What have I begot?
PUR. What, sir?
GOL. I must plot for you all; it likes[673] me rarely.
TAI. Prithee, what is’t, sir?
GOL. ’Twould strike Fitsgrave pale,
And make the other suitors appear blanks.
FRI. For our united mysteries.
GOL. What if we five presented our full shapes
In a strange-gallant and conceited masque?
PUR. In a masque? your thoughts and mine were twins.
TAI. So the device were subtle, nothing like it.
FRI. Some poet must assist us.
GOL. Poet?
You’ll take the direct line to have us stag’d.[674]
Are you too well, too safe? Why, what lacks Bouser?
An absolute scholar; easy to be wrought,
No danger in the operation.
PUR. But have you so much interest?
GOL. What, in Bouser?
Why, my least word commands him.
TAI. Then no man fitter.
PUR. And there’s master Frip too
Can furnish us of masquing suits enow.
FRI. Upon sufficient pawn, I think I can, sir.
PUR. Pawn? Jew, here, take my chain: pawns among
brothers?
We shall thrive![675]
But we must still expect one rogue in five,
And think us happy too.

_Enter_ FITSGRAVE.

GOL. Last man we spoke on, master Bouser.
PUR. Little master Bouser.[676]
TAI. Sweet master Bouser——
FRI. Welcome, i’faith.
FIT. Are your fathers dead, gentlemen, you’re so merry?
GOL. By my troth, a good jest! Did not I commend his wit
to you, gentlemen? Hark, sirrah Ralph Bouser, cousin
Bouser, i’faith, there’s a kind of portion in town, a
girl of fifteen hundred, whom we all powerfully affect,
and determine to present our parts to her in a masque.
FIT. In a masque?
GOL. Right, sir: now, a little of thy brain for a device
to present us firm, which we shall never be able to do
ourselves, thou knowest that; and with a kind of speech
wherein thou mayst express what gallants are, bravely.
FIT. Pooh, how can I express ’em otherwise but
bravely?
Now for a Mercury, and all were fitted.
PUR. Could not a boy supply it?
FIT. Why, none better.
PUR. I have a boy shall put down all the Mercuries i’
th’ town; ’a will play a Mercury naturally, at his
fingers’ end[s], i’faith.
FIT. Why then we are suited: for torch-bearers and
shield-boys, those are always the writer’s
properties;[677] you’re not troubled with them.

GOL. Come, my little Bouser, do’t finely now, to the
life.
FIT. I warrant you, gentlemen.
FRI. Hist; give me a little touch above the rest,
and[678] you can possible, for I mean to present this
chain of pearl to her.
FIT. Now I know that, let me alone to fit you.
[_Exeunt._