Chapter X: Part 10

I prest her to tell me what she was, and what manner of life she led. Sir, said she, I cannot deny your request; wherefore to satisfie you, know that I was the Daughter of a Sword-Cutler. In my younger days my Mother would have taught me to handle a Needle; but my Martial spirit gain-said all perswasions to that purpose. I could never endure to be among the Utensils of the Kitchin, but spent most of my time in my Fathers shop, taking wonderful delight in handling those Warlike Instruments: to take a Sword in my hand well mounted and brandish it, was reckoned by me among the chief of my recreations. Being about a douzen years of age, I studied all wayes imaginable how I might make my self acquainted with a Fencing-Master. Time brought my desires to their complement, for such a one as I wisht for, casually came into our Shop to have his blade furnisht; and Fortune so ordered it, there was none to answer him but my self. Having given him that satisfaction he desired, though not expecting it from me: Amongst other talke I demanded of him whether he was not a Professor of the Noble Science? (for I guest so much by his Postures, Looks, and expressions.) He told me he was a well-willer thereunto. Being glad of this opportunity, desiring him to conceal my intentions, I requested him the favour as to give me some instructions how I should manage a Sword: at first he seemed amazed at my proposal, but perceiving I was in earnest, he granted my petition, allotting me such a time to come to him as was most convenient. I became so expert at Back-sword and Single-Rapier in a short time, that I needed not his assistance any longer; My Parents not in the least mistrusting any such thing.

I shall wave what Exploits I did by the help of a disguise, and only tell you that when I arrived to fifteen years of age, an Inne-Keeper Married me, and carried me into the Country. For two years we lived very peaceably and comfortably together, but at length the insolent and imperious temper of my Husband made me begin to show my Natural humour. Once a week we seldom mist of a Combat between us, which frequently proved so sharp, that it was well if my Husband came off with a single broken pate, by which means the gaping wounds of our discontents and differences being not presently salved up, they became in a manner incurable.

I never was much inclined to love him, because he was of a mean dastardly spirit, and ever hated that a Dunghill-Cock should tread a Hen of the Game. Being stinted likewise of Money, my life grew altogether comfortless, and I lookt on my condition as insupportable: Wherefore as the only remedy or expedient to mitigate my vexatious troubles, I contrived a way how I might sometimes take a Purse. I judged this resolution safe enough, (if I were not taken in the very fact) for who could suspect me to be a Robber, wearing abroad upon such designs mans Apparel, but at home onely that which was suitable and agreeable to my own Sex? Besides, none could have better encouragement and conveniency then my self; for, keeping an Inn, who is more proper to have in custody what charge my Guests brought into my house then my self? or if committed to my Husbands tutelage, I could not fail to inform my self of the richness of the Booty. Moreover, the Hostess is the person whose company is most desired, before whom they are no ways scrupulous to relate which way they are going, and frequently what the affair was that led them that way.

Courage I knew I wanted not, (be you my impartial Judge, Sir) what then could hinder me from being successful in such an enterprize? Being thus resolved, I soon procured necessary Habiliments for these my contrivances; and never miscarried in any of them till now. Instead of going to Market, or riding five or six miles about such a business, (the usual pretences with which I blinded my Husband) I would when out of sight ride a contrary road to this House (wherein we now are) and here Metamorphose my self, and being fitted at all points; Pad uncontroulably, coming off alwayes most Victoriously. Not long since my Husband had about one hundred pounds due to him some twenty Miles from his habitation, and designed such a day for its reception: Glad I was to hear of this, resolving now to be revenged of him for all those injuries and churlish outrages he had committed against me: I knew very well which way he went, and knew the time of his coming home; wherefore I way-laid him at his return. And happily as I would have it, he did not make me wait above three hours for him. I let him pass me, knowing that by the swiftness of my Horse I could easily overtake him, and so I did, riding with him a mile or two before I could do my intended business. At last (looking about me) I saw the coast clear on every side: Wherefore riding up close to him, and laying hold of his Bridle, I clapt a Pistol to his breast, commanding him to deliver, or he was a dead man. My imperious Don seeing death before his face, had like to have saved me the labour by dying voluntarily without compulsion, and so amazed at his suddain surprizal, that he lookt like an Apparition, or one lately risen from the dead. Sirrha (said I) be quick: but a dead Palsie had so seized every part of him, that his eyes were incapable of directing his hands to his Pocket. But I soon recalled his lost spirits by two or three smart blows with the flat of my Sword, which so wakened him out of that deep Lethargy he was in, that with much submissiveness he delivered me his moneys. After I had dismounted him and cut the Reins of his Bridle and Girts, I basted him soundly, till that I had made jelly of his bones, and that his flesh lookt like _Egyptian_ Mummy. Now you Rogue (said I) I am even with you; have a care the next time how you strike a Woman (your wife I mean) for none but such as dare not fight a man, will lift up his hand against the weaker Vessel. Now you see what it is to provoke them; for if irritated too much, they are restless till they have accomplisht their satisfactory revenge: I have a good mind to end thy wicked courses with thy life, but that I am loath to be hanged for _nothing_, such a worthless man. Farewell; this money shall serve me to purchase Wine to drink healths to the confusion of such Rascally and mean-spirited things. And so I left him.

She was about to have proceeded in such agreeable relations of her rencounters, when word was brought her up, two Gentlemen below desired to speak with her: craving my excuse, she went down, and in a little time returned with them: She made an Apology to me for so doing, adding that if she had committed a crime herein, my future knowledge of those persons would extenuate it. By their effeminate countenances I could not miss of judging rightly what they were, _viz._, Females. After several discourses we grew so familiar, that the longest continued friendship could not boast of more freedom.

Having talkt and drank ourselves weary, we concluded to lye all in one chamber, there being two beds: what our Nocturnal passages were, I’le give the Reader leave to imagine.

CHAP. XXXV.

_Here he relates (modestly) what satisfaction he received
from his new Female-acquaintance, and what occasioned
the two last income Amazons to attempt the hazardous
enterprizes of the High Pad: with their Character and
course of Life._

Though Melancholy Night had drawn her sable curtains about her Hemisphere, yet the coverled of our Opticks was not yet laid down to admit our active senses to their usual rest and repose: obscured darkness had every where proclaimed silence about us on penalty of distracted incomposedness; yet we feared not the breach of those binding Laws, by breaking our minds to each other interchangeably. My conquered foe (now my new friend) first began to relate to her old associates the rise of our late rencounter, and the success, which she exprest with so much life and ingenuity, that they knew not which to value most, her wit, or my courage; but when she came to relate the manner of the discovery of her sex, so petulant and facetious was her discourse, that it occasioned a great deal of laughter and mirth among us. Having throughly discourst varieties, for further diversion one of these late Incommers undertook to give us a summary of her Comerades (or Sisters) being therewith intermixt; now I must give her leave to tell her own Tale.

Sir, (for to you I apply my discourse particularly, being wholly ignorant of what these two inseparable Companions of mine well understand) I shall not trouble your ear with any thing but what is absolutely necessary: laying aside therefore Superfluous Preambles, let me tell you I was the eldest Daughter of a Vinter in _London_, a man lookt on so wealthy, that he was called upon for Alderman, having no more Children then a Son, my Self, and this my dear Sister, my Metamorphosed follower. My Brother I think was begot out of degenerate Wine, and that made him so degenerate from Virtue and a good Spirit: a hot fiery fellow, always on the fret, till his Cask or Carcass was pierced; and so I leave him as I found him, an empty Hogshead.

This obstacle being removed (the _Remora_ to our fair promising Fortune) none were more extold and courted for Wealth and Beauty (rarely seen together) then my Sister and self; men of all sizes, both of Wit, Estate and Stature, daily frequented my Fathers House, pretending they came for the goodness of Wine there vended, till they had got an interest in our acquaintance, and then they unmaskt their meaning. Several overtures were made to our Parents, who like good domestick Polititians, seemed to like, to incourage them to continue coming for their expence sake: frequently they bespake Dinners, vying who should exceed in prodigality, thinking thereby to gain esteem, while the old Fox did but laugh at them in private for their pains. My Mother had her trade at her fingers ends; for when she would oblige any of them to any treaty, it was but calling him Son, or Sirrah you are a wag, my _Benjamin_ must have the largest Portion, _&c._ By this means she chained them to the house, and to engage them the more, permitted us to bear them company; but fearing lest we might glut our Idolators by too long staying (for we sooner surfeit on delicates than courser fare) our Mother would call us, pretending present business, and would then supply the place her self; then would they charge afresh, till they had blinded one another. I must needs say, my Mothers company was deservingly desirable: for though she had past her ages Æquinox, yet her beauty appeared but a very little declining. In her youthful dayes she was the wonder of her Sex, and was so generally talkt of among Beauty-hunters, that our Tavern was never empty, and happy was he that could procure the drinking of a glass with her at the Bar, but transported, if they could obtain the favour to have her company in a room: which for profit she sometimes permitted, and something else, which my Father winked at gladly, because he could not find the like expedient to enrich himself. She was comely, tall, and of a beautious blushing brown; her hair proper to her complexion, neatly put into curls and folds by Nature: Her face was made up of excellent parts; as a quick eye and full; her circled brows graceful and big; her nose not over Roman, with a full mouth; the largeness of the lips commendable, because plump and red; her dimpled chin (which Nature had drawn, with a wanton touch of her Pensil) did singularly set out her looks most comely. Her neck was round, rising, full and fat: her Bodie well fed, not fat; an Italian Don’s delight. When any Gentlemen came in, me thinks I now see how she leared out of her inticing Italianated eyes, able to confound a Saint. In short, her hair was enough to enchant you into those mazes, but that her looks were so neer, which hooked yours into her eyebals, full, black and rowling; and when she had you, she held you there. Neither was she a niggard of those gifts were so liberally bestowed on her, but communicated a taste thereof to divers; for as she was naturally prone to whorishness, so she gave her inclinations the reins, and at last became so impudent, that she did frequently that in our sights, which though we understood not, being too young, yet forceably drew a blush into our tender cheeks. Being in her prime, she gave her self so much libertie, that she was a shame to her Sex; there was not any vice that was attended either by pleasure or profit, but she would be sharer therein. And now being gulled with shadows and impostures, she drew up the Portcullis of her heart, and laid the gates thereof wide open to her own ruine. Who would imagine, that a pleasing countenance could harbour villany, or that a smile could set upon the face of mischief? But therein she shewed her self a Curtezan of the right stamp, that for her own advantage can entertain mans appetite with wanton dalliance, but will never make assurance of settled love. When men think themselves most interested in her, then was it frequently that they were farthest from her. I am somewhat the longer in my Mothers Character, that I might the fuller demonstrate what was the original that I so exactly copied in the actions of my own life. Did Parents consider how prevalent their wicked examples are with their Issue, they would be less curious to cleanse their houses of dirt and dust against the comming of their friends, and more careful not to see them hung with vices in the presence of their Children. You see I know the difference between good and evil, because I talk so well, though I act so ill. But to proceed. How is it possible the Daughter should be chaste, that cannot reckon up the adulteries of her Mother, though she be nere so well in breath, without a dozen stops or intermissions at the least? Such as are conscious to these faults in others, cannot but be capable of them in themselves. The hearing of them told, begets a willingness to try them: the seeing of them done, a wilfulness to do them. She presumed I believe upon our indiscretions as Children, perswading her self we had not wit enough to discern it. But alas! she erred in her Cyphers, and was much mistaken in her accounts: for we coming to years, did not stick to that in her sight, which she before would not forbear in ours. And with what face could she reprove us?

_The crooked wretch must not upbraid the lame,
Nor must the Moor the tawny Indian blame._

Her house did daily swarm with such as pretended more then common kindness to me. Several my Parents approved of as wealthy, and propounded them to me, whom I only disliked for want of comeliness. One I confess I could have fancied highly for his wit, had not his formation been so extravagant and preposterous. O the innumerable quantity of Poetick brats which _Pallas_-like sprang out of his head, and so pestred my Chamber, that I could hardly sleep for the trampling of their feet: some whereof appear’d so fair unto me from a Father so foul, that I have carried them in my bosome to converse with them among the solitary shades. I protest civility could scarce keep me from laughing outright every time I saw him, his whole composure appear’d to me so ridiculous. For first, his head seem’d to sink down into his brest, his eyes flaring affrighted at the danger, whilst his mouth continually gaped, as if it intended to cry out for help: his back and brest bunched out, as if a wallet stuffed at both ends had hung over his shoulder behind and before. Though extravagant enough, you could not say he shewed much waste. Had you seen him on a rainy day, by the length of his leggs (yet of dwarfish stature) you would have thought him mounted on stilts, and wading through the dirt with a boy at his back. Now let me skip over his person, and only tell you how I served him, and then I have done with him. That day I saw him not, I had his representation sent me, which was good diversion, but his presence was insufferable: to the intent therefore that I might be rid of him, I sent him these lines.

SIR,
_You are the Son of _Esop_, for I find
Legitimation by your shape and mind;
Deform’d ye are alike, thence’t is thought fit
That such defects should be supply’d by wit.
Your aspect’s monstrous foul, yet don’t complain,
Your issues fair, the product of your brain.
But stay, I must recal my self for know
My praises are like to your self, too low:
Troth when I view you well, my fancy must
Imagine you much like a Capon trust,
Or like Sir _Hudibras_, nick-nam’d _All-feather_,
Or like one ty’d both neck and heels together:
Nor do not think Pygmean Sir that I
Will fall in love with meer deformity;
Then court some Succubus, a fiend will be
A fitter match: so think no more on me._

These lines so nettled him, that having belcht out some execrations against me and our sex, I never heard more of him. To be short, there was none could get any interest in me, but our Head-drawer, a neat flaxen-hair’d dapper fellow; so passionately we loved one the other, that we could not forbear holding some private correspondence at nights. My Father at length suspecting us, turned away his man, whose absence I could not brook, and therefore resolved to follow after, which I did, taking with me what ready money my Father had in his custody; and finding out my dear Comerade, this was the result of our consultation, that I should cloath my self like a man, and so travel together. It will be too tedious to relate how and whither we went; but let it suffice to tell you, that after we had run through _France_ and _Italy_, and wearied our selves in forreign parts, we concluded to return for _England_. We landed at _Dover_, having made an end of our voyage and money together, saving so much as would purchase Horse & Armes; for Padding was the way we agreed on to recruit our decayed stock. Many were the Robberies we committed, taking such a course that the Devil could hardly detect us: for sometimes when we had robbed, and fearing lest we should be taken by the Hue and Cry, it was but turning my horse loose, and then would I put on womans apparel (which I always carried in my Portmantle in such expeditions) and getting up behind my dear friend, I past unsuspected as his wife. This stratagem frequently proved a safeguard to us both. By this means we several times robbed houses, under the pretence of my friends taking lodgings for himself and Wife. To tell you in what manner and how often we played our pranks under a double disguise, would take up more time then is convenient. Wherefore I shall now wind up my story; My Comerade in an unhappy enterprize received a shot in his shoulder, which proved Mortal, for not long after he died. Being then destitute of my dear companion, I had several thoughts of returning home; but that I liked my trade so well, I could not be induced to leave it. However, I went to my Fathers house frequently with roaring Blades; but they knew me not, though sometimes they would stare upon me, as if their eyes would have started out of their heads for joy to see their old acquaintance. At last I took a convenient opportunity under the veil of courtship to discover my self to my Sister (here present) who understanding my course of life, and knowing well her own constitution, for my sake resolved to hazard all, and run one risque with me. Having instructed her how she should rob her Father, as I had done before her, we met at a place appointed, and so took our journey hitherward. Now if our conversation may be any wayes pleasing, and our service advantagious, we are both your devoted servants. She uttered these words with such a grace, that I could not forbear imbracing her. After we had plighted faiths, and mutually caressed each other, we betook our selves to rest, which you may imagine was little enough.

CHAP. XXXVI.

_How he with his new female padding Comrade contrived
notable subtil and safe ways to rob together; with a
relation of some remarkable stories which were the
effects of those consultations._

Angry I was when I perceived the appearance of day, which I knew would unavoidably rob me of my present delight and pleasure. But it was only my fear of being deprived of so much bliss made me so grossely to mistake, for I quickly found my happiness inlarged by the approaching light, my sence of _seeing_ being now made Copartner with that of _feeling_. Love had now his eyes restored him, who before only groped for the naked truth in the dark. Now did we begin afresh to renew our late sweet nocturnal pastime; and could our bodies have any wayes answered our boundless desires, our bed would have been the sole concern we should have minded, till that time which must put a period to this transitory life.

But to avoid the censure of sluggishness, we all resolved to rise, and unanimously strive & contend who should make the best proof of the greatest ingenuity in contriving what may give the largest satisfaction both to mind and body. As a _præludium_ to our intended purpose, and a restorative to our decayed strengths, we first resolved upon buttered Sack, with other things of like comforting natures: & now finding our selves by this first essay so much beyond expectation revived and fitted for mirth and pleasure, we straight gave order for a Dinner to be speedily prepared, whose composition should be of the choicest viands. And that the time might not seem tedious in the interim, it was put to the vote what pastime we should make choice of for divertisement. Some were for bodily exercise, but I was clearly against that, having so lately tired my self with it: besides my lameness, which was occasioned by the shot I received in my legg from my Valiant Rencountress. It was at length agreed on by all, that we should entertain our selves with Musick and Discourse. A match (said the eldest Sister) and to the intent you may see my freedom and forwardness to propagate your proposition, I shall give my assistance first to heighten your spirits by vocal and instrumental Musick: having thus broken the Ice, I question not but you will prove ready followers, and swim with me in the same streams of delight. Whereupon she took up a Lute, and having praised that instrument above all other for its sweet ravishing harmony, I will now try (said she) how my voice will agree with it, and thus sang:

_What need we to care?
W’ have enough and to spare,
What we gain we will drink and spend on’t;
But when all is gone,
We will get more anon;
Then make it all fly, there’s an end on’t._

_We will rob, we will steal
For our own Common-weal.
Let the Miser be damn’d with his treasure:
Our designs we will shape
For the juyce of the grape,
Thus spin out our lives in our pleasure._

_We think it more fit
To live by our wit,
And hazard our lives on adventure;
We are Sons of the blade
Never bred to a trade,
We scorn’d to be bound by Indenture._

Not for flattery, but due merit, we could give her no less then applause: Which though that word may savour of something of a complement, yet I will assure you there was no such thing past between us; we knew how to improve our time to a far greater advantage, leaving such empty vain expressions to such, who have little else to do then to play with a Ladies Fan, or to consume their times in combing their Perriwigs, not only in the Streets and Play-houses, but even (irreverently) in the holy places of Divine Worship.

The pertinency of this Song to the practice of our lives, did as much please us all, as the sweet harmony of that voice did ravish our delighted ears. And lest our satisfaction should any wayes cool or abate, more Musical fewel was laid on, to warm our benumbed spirits, if any such unlikely thing should happen.

Whereupon her Sister (not making use of any instrument to assist her voice, being sensible it was good and natural) frankly, and with a becoming freedom, sang to this purpose.

_’Tis liberty which we adore,
It is our wealth and only store;
Having her we all are free,
Who so merry then as we?
’Tis she that makes us now to sing,
And only She can pleasure bring._

Chorus.

_Since we then such freedome have,
Wee’ll purchase pleasure, or a grave;
’Tis better so, then live a slave._

_As I am free, so will be still,
For no man shall abridge my will:
I’ll pass my life in choicest pleasure,
On various objects spend my treasure:
That Woman sure no joy can find,
Who to one man is only joyn’d._

Chorus.

_Since we then such freedom have,
Wee’l purchase pleasure or a grave:
’Tis better so, then live a slave._

_What pleasure is in full cram’d bags?
No more then is in Beggars rags:
Vnless made use of, what is Cash?
A fine new Nothing, glittering trash:
Being well employ’d, it is a thing
Which doth delight and honour bring._

Chorus.

_Since we then such freedom have,
Wee’l purchase money, or a grave:
’Tis better so, then live a slave_.

About to have proceeded in this manner round, we were interrupted by Dinner coming up, which came as seasonable as our stomacks could require. Waving all Ceremonies, we instantly fell to it without the tediousness of long-winded Graces; neither were we long at it, our hands and appetites being alike nimble and quick to give the body its required satisfaction.

After Dinner we had various discourses about the vanity and imbecility of the female sex: winding up our Argument, one said, She would not be a meer Woman for the whole universe, and wondered that man, so noble and rational a Soul, should so unman himself in his voluntary inslaving himself to a Womans will: I wonder how they dare boast of Conquests, when they must acknowledge they are daily overcome by a weak and feeble Creature, Woman, a thing which for want of heat sunk into that Sex.

With suchlike prattle we entertained our selves for an hour or two: and now it was put to the vote what course we should steer, and what design we should next put in execution. Different were our opinions for a while, but at last we concluded unanimously about the evening to set out and rob joyntly: the manner which we laid down was thus: The youngest sister should ride behind the eldest Sister on a Pillion in her own proper apparel, and my _Virago_ behind me in the like female garb; and this we judged to be the safest project we could propound: for who could be so senseless to imagine us Robbers, riding in that manner double-horsed, and attended with the greatest symptomes of innocency?

Hereupon we presently fell to work, that is to say, endeavoured to get such necessaries as were most convenient for our enterprise, as Pillions, Safeguards and short Swords for my females: Pocket-Pistols they had already. Having gotten what womans attire we wanted, and all things ready, we mounted with Boots, which we dirted on purpose, to the intent those which saw us might not suspect but that we had rid many miles that day. It was about six of the Clock in the evening when we did set forth; we had not rid above two hours, but there overtook us four Horsemen, and demanded whither we were travelling? I answered them, To such a place. Now did our two subtil Queans which rid behind us play their parts to the life, pretending a great fear of being robbed, and carried their business so craftily, that they gave the Gentlemen to understand their pretended fear and jealousie: and the better to cloak our design, pray thee my Dear (said I) in a voice not over-loud, but just so that they might hear me, do not be afraid, I am confident they are no other then what they appear, that is, honest civil persons.

Hereupon, one of the Gentlemen over-hearing, rode up close to me, and comforted my supposed Wife behind, protesting they were no such persons as she imagined; that they were Gentlemen of good Estates all, and so far they were from offending any, that they would with the hazard of their lives defend the injured on the road: we seemed hereat to be much satisfied, returning them many thanks, and desiring their company, which they kindly granted, saying, Come follow, wee’l lead the way gently on; and stand between you and danger. I was glad to hear them say they would ride before, for now I judged our business to be facile, and easily done. I now whispered behind me, telling her, as soon as ever she saw me give a blow, she should immediately leap off the horse, and make use of what weapons she had: Her sister had the like instructions given her.

My Brother, as I called him, riding up close with me, received directions from me, that when we came to the bottom of the Hill, he should at the same time with me directly discharge his Truncheon on the head of his foregoer, with all the force he could sum up together.

When they least suspected us in the rear, we executed what we designed with such exact time, and so successfully, that a divided minute did not difference their fall. Our Women were as swift as lightning upon them, depriving them of all the advantages of rising, whilest we set spurs to our Horses, and overtook the other two afore, who insensible of what was done, were strangely surprized and amazed, to see our Swords and Pistols ready to dispatch our Hellish commands. Fear on a suddain had so chained up their tongues, as that they could not utter a word, till we forced them to it by threatning their unavoidable deaths if they did not instanly deliver. Being willing to ransome their lives by their moneys, they gave us what they had, as not to stand in competition with a matter of eternal concern. Having reaped our desires, we dismounted them, and cutting their Girts and Bridles, we took their pieces with the Saddles, and threw them into an obscure place. The Horses were whipt over into a field. Our Prisoners we led into a little wood, where we bound them, as the rest of our gang did, who were more expeditious then we in our work. Having finisht our business to our hearts content and security, we mounted, and so rid back again to our old quarters. Our Landlord wondered at our speedy dispatch, but had like to have exspired for joy, when he saw our booty was so considerable; for you are to understand he had a quarter-share with us. Here did we carouse and feast for a long time, not so much as thinking on any prize: and the truth on’t is, my leg grew so bad by my shot, that I could not ride but in great pain. Wherefore I resolved to lie still till its cure should be effected by my loving and skilful Landlady. My wound being healed, I resolved to follow my custom, and rob alone, not so much that my profit would be greater, but I began to be tyred with my three former dainties; nay more, they were so insatiate in those pleasures they injoyed, that my strength could not cope with such excesses. Wherefore pretending business of privacy a little way off, I gave them the slip, knowing how difficult it would be to part from them knowingly.

CHAP. XXXVII.

_Being now upon the _Pad_ alone, he baits at an Inn with
which he was acquainted, and there by the Hostler is
informed of a Booty, which he pursued, but was soundly
banged for his pains, losing both his Horse, and what
small matter he had left._

Very loath I was to part with these _Amazons_, neither should I, had not scarcity of Money called me away to look out for more. For no man could ever be better pleased with society, then I was in theirs, enjoying such persons whose courage and fidelity might vie with the most approved male-friend, and reaping at the same time the choicest favours _Venus_ can confer on her chiefest Favourites.

One remarkable passage concerning this _Female Robber_, I had like to have forgot; which was this: She would frequently _Pad_ or rob on foot in Womans apparel, but so disguised, that she could not easily be known: Getting a Cushion, or some such thing, (by putting it under her Cloaths to make her seem big with Child) she would usually walk abroad, it may be three or four miles at length, near some beaten Road. Thus had she the benefit of viewing all that rid by. If she saw any single person by whose equipage she might imagine him to have his Pockets well furnished, before he came near her, she used to feign her self both exceeding sick and weary, groaning in a most pitiful manner. What mans heart could be so obdurate as to pass her by neglected, and without taking any notice of her? Who would not proffer a big-bellied Woman (tired and indisposed) the courtesie of riding behind him for a little way to refresh her? As she told me, she met with very few that did not take her up behind them, seeing her in that deplorable condition. Having rid a pretty way, seeing the Coast clear, and coming to a convenient place for to execute her design, she would pretend the Gentlemans hat that rid before her offended her eyes; most in point of civility would put it off, though they immediately put it on again: then would she with a Cord with a nooze, which she had ready for the purpose, clap it over his head, and so whipping off the Horse pull the Man after her; oftentimes half strangling him, serving him as the _Mutes_ do the _Bassa’s_ with their black box and Silk string therein, when they are designed for death by the _Grand Seniors_ appointment and command. Taking the advantage of their being half suffocated, she could easily first bind their leggs, making them so secure, that they were so far from resisting, that they were totally at her devotion.

But to return where I left off: before I took my leave of her, perceiving the temper of this brave noble Spirit, and that it was Poetically inclined, out of my true resentment of her due merit, I gave her these lines, which she thankfully received, though modestly denied to concern her in the least.

_Stand back ye _Muses_, _Mars_, come guide my Pen,
To rank this Female Heroe ’mongst thy Men.
So, so, ’tis well. Now let us to the matter,
’Tis such a subject that I cannot flatter.
The Pantalooners strut, and Muffetoons;
Taking great pains for to appear Buffoons.
They do seem men, and like ’em wear their Swords:
But dare not draw; such may be kill’d with words:
These love a Lady, and affect perfumes:
Who _lighter_ are, (then what they wear) their _Plumes_.
Thou scornst such shadows, or _Chimæra’s_, which
Are good for nothing, but a Womans itch.
Thou lovest that man alone, that dares in spight
Of fate, scorn _Death_ himself in fight.
Thy actions speak thee _man_, who dares deny it?
Believe this truth, or if you dare, then try it;
’Twill be a favour to her, for they’l find.
That never man injoy’d so brave a mind._

Bidding this my _Minerva_ and her associates adieu, I rid on in the next road, without meeting any I thought requisite to fasten on. At length I came to an Inn, where I was very well acquainted, and intended there to have refresht my self; but the Hostler prevented it, not suffering me to alight, telling me hastily, that there was a Gentleman not an hour since baited there, who had in his Portmantue a considerable purchase; that he was a poor spirited fellow, whom he knew, and that he ever had an absolute antipathy to a naked Sword, and that he was gone such a road, _&c._ I stay’d not so long as to drink, but with all possible expedition made after him; ascending a small Hill, I discovered him, who rid an ordinary pace, wherefore I slacked mine to cool my Horse; however I soon overtook him, and rode by him, not without viewing him well; riding down the Hill I did alight, purposely that he might overtake me, which he did; being past I mounted, and at the very bottom I bid him stand and deliver instantly, or he was a dead man. Sis, sis, sir, (said he lisping very much) I-I-I-I am going home. I bid him not make these proposed delays, lest he smarted, and therefore wisht him to dispatch and give me his money, for I was informed (I told him) that he had a sum behind him. T-t-t ’tis true (he reply’d) b-b-but it is my Fathers m-m-money. Hang your Father and his fluttering Coxcomb too, (said I) I must have what you have. W-wh-why then you shall, (said he) and with that drew out a pocket-pistol and fired it at me; which made my horse start, and very much surprizing me, expecting not the least resistance from such a seemingly ignorant and cowardly fellow; by that means he had time and liberty to draw his sword (which was almost as broad as a Chopping-knife) and came upon me so furiously, that I am sure I had not time to defend my self: he so laid about him, that I soon lay at his mercy. I was forced to beg very hard for my life, which I obtained with very much ado: then he fell to my pockets, not leaving any suspected place for money unsearcht: by which I guest him to have belonged to our profession, and was not mistaken, as you shall understand by and by. He went to my horse, and viewing him, he seemed to like him very well. Wherefore coming to me (for he had cut me off my horse) ha-ha-hark you (said he) you are but a raw Thief, a me-me-meer Child, & it is but fit that you should be sent to a ma-ma-Master to be ta-ta-taught knowledge, and be whipt for your foo-foo-lishness. You said you must have my Fa-Fa-Fathers money, but I tell you I must have your hau-hau-Horse, and so farewell. He was so kind as to leave me his, which was a pitiful Jade, however necessity compelled me to mount him, and anger spurr’d me on to be revenged of the Hostler, but I better considered with my self, that probably that horse was known there, and so I should be detected; wherefore I rid a contrary way, and took up my lodging in a place I never had been in before. As soon as I alighted, abundance of people flockt about me, seeing me all bloody, to know the cause thereof. Whereupon I related in a very doleful manner how this sad accident befell me. That travelling to such a place with about 150 pieces of Gold, I was set upon by five or six lusty Rogues, who rob’d me, and because I made what resistance I could, to save what I had, it being my whole Estate, they had thus barbarously mangled me, hacking and hewing me till I grew weary, and at last with much difficulty escapt with my life. There was a general sorrow for me, pitying me so much that the Inhabitants strove one with another, who should shew me most kindness. A Chyrurgeon was presently sent for, who (as he was a Barber too) _Barbarian_ like, drest my wounds; some were employed in procuring me Cordials, and getting me things necessary; others were sent out to make inquisition after the Thieves.

This Gentleman that serv’d me this trick, was (as I understood afterwards) an High-way-man himself, who being well born and bred, but his Father being either at that time unable or unwilling to supply him with what monies his lavish expences required: Nature having bestowed on him a stout resolute heart, and strength answering his courage, betook himself to the _Pad_. In which profession he behaved himself so gallantly, that he was styled the Father or Governour of his Tribe. But his attempts prov’d not always successful, so that there was hardly a County in _England_, wherein he had not been in Prison; being frequently arraigned for his life, but having eminent and potent friends, he still came off; this did his Father and Kindred so frequent, that they grew weary, and he narrowly escaping with his life one time, and finding that his kindred matter’d not much if he were hanged, he submitted himself to his Father, making a solemn protestation that he would never follow the like courses again: whereupon his Father setled an Annual Estate upon him, on which he now liveth very orderly. Thus much briefly of my overcomer.

I had not laid above a night in this place for the cure of my wounds, before I was question’d about my Horse by some persons that knew him well, and taken on suspition for murdering the Gentleman the right owner; which seem’d more than probable by various circumstances. First, this Gentleman was not to be found, which well might be his late success, having conveyed him on the wings of speed to an obscure place, there to revel and congratulate his good Fortune by the speedy spending his late purchase. Next, my many and dangerous wounds sufficiently declared the great hazard of the two Combitants lives; but that which chiefly committed me, was the Gentlemans horse, which I like an impudent insipid Coxcomb must ride on, which reason must needs say was the ready way to ride Post to the Gallows. Notwithstanding the miserable condition of my Carbonadoed body, I was inclosed between a pair of walls, and had undoubtedly been hang’d for being robb’d, had not the Gentleman appear’d again amongst his friends; then did my accusers slip their necks out of the collar, and none prosecuting me, I was discharged. Staying a little while in the Town for refreshment, an old acquaintance there found me, of whom I cannot but give you a character, since the passages of his life hath been so remarkable and notorious, and from the short relation of which I question not but the Reader will reap much benefit and satisfaction. For indeed examples have so great an influence and power upon the actions of mans life, as that we find men are more wrought upon by president than precept. To this intent preceeding Generations have made it their grand care and labour, not only to communicate to their Posterity the lives of good and honest men, that thereby man might fall in love with the smooth and beautiful face of virtue, but have also taken the same pains to recount the actions of criminal and wicked persons, that by the dreadful aspects of _Vice_, they may be deterred from imbracing her.

CHAP. XXXVIII.

_He here reneweth his acquaintance with a cunning fellow,
that formerly studyed the Law, and since made it his
sole business to practise the abuse thereof._

About four dayes after I was discharged, there came into the same Inn where I lay a Gentleman, who hearing some of the house discoursing of the Robbery that was lately committed, he desired to be particularly informed, which they did, adding that the robb’d Gentleman lay wounded in the house; he inquired of them my name, which they told him, as I had told them, having a name for every month in the year. Very desirous he was, if it might be no disturbance to me, to give me a visit, unto which I condescended, a servant to that intent desiring to know my pleasure. As soon as he entred the Room, I verily thought I knew him, though I could not for the present call to mind where I had seen him. I was so muffled about the Chops, that it was impossible for him to have any knowledge of me. He sate down by me, & askt me various questions, to which I gave him _convenient_ satisfaction. At last I recalled my memory, and askt him if his name was not so —— he answered me affirmatively. Dear friend (said I) I am glad to see you: come, be not amazed; my right name is so —— with that he embraced me, and was overjoyed that he so casually found me out. Laying aside all formal niceties, I unbosomed my self to him, not mincing the truth in the least; for we know our selves _Birds of a Feather, Rogues together_. He condol’d my wounded condition, and comforted me, by telling me that he would not leave me till I was well, and that he would procure me such a _Plaister_ for the wounds I had received, that should prove very effectual. In short it was this; by following closely the footsteps of his crafty advice I got of the Country the one hundred and fifty pounds I pretended to be robb’d of. He stayed with me above a fortnight, enjoying what pleasures the Country was capable to afford us. Being by our selves (for so we designed the major part of every day;) we discoursed interchangeably of nothing but our adventures, _&c._ how we might lay new plots for our advantage: I gave him the epitome of what I had done, since I left him, who took more pleasure in the relation of my Rogueries, than the _Quaker_ did in Courting his Mistress _Mare_ near _Rochester_. But when he began to relate his Villanies, I was struck dumb with admiration; and what cannot a man do if indued with the strength of his natural parts, sharpness of wit, quickness of apprehension, depth and solidness of judgement, with a tenacious memory? Now because he ever had a smooth and insinuating tongue, with the command thereof, I shall give him leave to tell his own tale.

CHAP. XXXIX.

_The Life of a Law-abusing Cheat._

_Dear Friend_,

For what am I beholding, it is to Nature alone; for as I am ashamed of my birth, so I cannot condemn my Father for not bestowing Education on me, since his condition was so low, yet his spirit so high, that he would not beg himself though ready to starve, however would permit me, which was the sole support of his and my life. I was ten years old before I could meet with any preferment; one day Fortune favouring, she offer’d to my view a Commodity, which with confidence and dexterity I might carry off undiscovered. My hands presently successfully effected what my mind suggested; it was but of small value, the utmost I could get for it was a Link, with which that night I more than trebled what it cost. This course I followed by night, and ran in errands by day, so that I had furnished myself both with Cloaths and Money. In process of time I was admitted as a Servant into a Scriveners House; my Master taking a liking to me, put me to a Writing-school, where being capacitated for his business, he puts me into the Shop, and instructs me in his imployment. I had not been there long before I made my self very eminent, by studying the Law, the Rudiments whereof I understood so well, as I knew how to ingross an Indenture. This made my Master esteem of me, and that estimation made me proud; and being not yet bound his Apprentice, I thought I knew better things than to be his servant any longer, and so left him. Then was I with an Attorney a while, afterwards with a Counsellor, till thinking I had Law enough, I took an House, resolving to see what I could do with it my self. I sollicited several mens businesses, giving a general content, insomuch that my credit and reputation increased dayly. Now did I marry for Wealth, having not the least affection; for her face lookt much like a gammon of Bacon with the skin off. Sometimes I liv’d with her, too long for any delight I took in her; and being resolv’d to be rid of her, this stratagem I used. I shewed her more kindness than formerly, pretending I would do nothing but what I would consult with her about; which so wrought upon her love, that she would have been content to have sacrificed her Soul to my interest; and made her withal so opinionative, that she judged every silly and unsavory expression she utter’d was no less than an _Oracle_. Having brought my business thus far to perfection, I came home one evening very melancholy: very inquisitive she was to know the cause. My Dear, (said I) I will not conceal any thing from thee; such a Gentleman hath injured me, and I cannot rest till I be revenged. Thou knowest my Nature, if wrong’d I am implacable, it is a fault I cannot help. Come, come, said my wife, let us go to bed, and there we will consult. Being there she askt me how we should bring our revenge about? I seemed to study awhile,—I have it now (said I) thou art with Child: he is one tender of his reputation; tax him for being the Father of it, and that will do the work to my full content: very loth she was, because of the talk of the people; but I satisfied this poor silly harmless soul, by telling her that as long as I knew her chaste, it was no matter what others said of her: whereupon she condescended, and had the Person before a Justice, where she swore positively that she was got with Childe by that Gentleman. I presently took advantage of her Confession, turned her off, leaving them both to the disposal of the Spiritual Court. This was my first prank.