Chapter II: Part 2

Being about five years of age, Report rendred me a very beautiful Child, neither did it (as most commonly) prove a Lyar. Being enricht with all the good properties of an handsome face, had not pride in that my tender age, depriv’d me of those graces and choise ornaments which compleat both form and feature. Thus happen’d, my Father kept commonly many Turkeys; one amongst the rest could not endure the sight of a Red Coat, which I usually wore. But that which most of all exasperated my budding passion, was, his assaulting my bread and butter, and instead thereof, sometimes my hands; which caused my bloomy Revenge to use this Stratagem: I enticed him with a piece of Custard (which I temptingly shewed him), not without some suspition of danger which fear suggested, might attend my treachery, and so led me to the Orchard-gate, which was made to shut with a pulley; he reaching in his head after me, I immediatly clapt fast the Gate, and so surprized my _mortal Foe_: Then did I use that little strength I had, to beat his brains out with my Cat-stick; which being done, I deplum’d his tayl, sticking those feathers in my Bonnet, as the insulting Trophies of my first and latest Conquest. Such then was my pride, as I nothing but gazed up at them; which so tryed the weakness of mine eyes and so strain’d the Optick Nerves, that they ran a tilt at one another, as if they contended to share with me in my victory. This accident was no small trouble to my Mother, that so doated on me, that I have often heard her say, _She forgot to eat (when I sate at Table) for admiring the sweetness of my complexion_. After she had much grieved her self to little purpose, she consulted with patience, and applyed her self to skilful Occulists, to repair the loss this face blemishing had done so sweet a countenance, though for the present it eclipsed my Mothers glory and pride, yet Time and art reduced my eyes to their proper station; so that within six years their oblique aspects were hardly discernable. When I was about ten Years old, I have heard some say that this cast of my eyes was so far from being a detriment, that it became my ornament. Experience confirm’d me in this belief; for they prov’d as powerful, as the perswasive arguments of my deluding tongue, both which conjoyn’d, were sufficient (I speak it not vain gloriously) to prevail even over the _Goddess of Chastity_, especially when they were backt on with ardent desires, and an undaunted resolution. But to my purpose: being driven out of _Ireland_, there being at that time no place of safety in that Kingdom, my Mother taking me with her, being compelled to leave my Father behind, barbarously murdered by the Rebels for being a protestant Preacher, she adventured to Sea not caring whether she went. Foulness of weather drove us upon the coast of _France_, where we were forced to land, to repair what damage the Ship had sustained in stress of weather. From hence we set sail, and landed in the West of _England_, at a place called _Barnstable_ in the County of _Devon_. Here we were joyfully received, and well entertained by some of my Mothers kindred at first; but lying upon them, they at length grew weary; so that we were forced to go from thence to _Plymouth_, so called from the River _Plime_, unto which the Town adjoyneth: at that time it was strongly fortyfied by new raiz’d Works, a Line being cast about it, besides places of strength antiently built; as the Castle, the Fort of an hundred pieces of Ordnance, that commands _Cat-water_, and over-looks the _Sound_, Mount _Batten_, and the islands in the _Sound_, well furnished with Men and great Guns impregnable; had they been never built or demolished raced assoon as raised on their Basis, it had been much better then to have prov’d the Fomenters of Rebellion in the late Wars for a whole year, daily thundring Treason against their lawful Soveraign. We being here altogether unacquainted both with the people and their profession, my Mother having an active brain, casts about with her self how she should provide for her charge, but found no way more expedient, than the pretention of Religion. Zeal now and Piety were the only things she seem’d to prosecute, taking the litteral sence of the Text; _Without doubt Godliness is great gain_: But she err’d much in the profession and seasonable practise thereof; Hers being according to the menu of the true Church, the Church of _England_, whereas the _Plymotheans_ were at that time Heterodox thereunto and led away as the rest of their Brethren called Roundheads, by the spirit of delusion. Finding how much she was mistaken, she chang’d quickly her Note and Coat; a rigid Presbyterian at first, but that proving not so profitable, instantly transform’d her self into a strict _independant_. This took well, which made her stick close to the brethren, which rais’d their spirits to make frequent contribution in private to supply her want: Here we had borrowed so much of the Sister-hood, who vilely suspected my Mother to be too _dearly beloved_ by the brother-hood, that it was high time to rub off to another place, lest staying longer, the holy Mask of Dissimulation should fall off; and she being detected be shamefully excluded their Congregation, and so delivered up to be buffeted by Satan. Before I leave the Town, give me leave to take a short view thereof. Formerly it was a poor smal fishing Village, but now so large and thron’d with inhabitants (many whereof very wealthy Merchants) that as it may be compared with, so may it put in its claim for the name of a City. Havens, as there are many so commodious, which without striking sail, admit into the bosome thereof the tallest Ships that be, harbouring them very safely, and is excellently well fortyfied against hostility. It is scituate alike for profit and pleasure in brief, it wants little that the heart of man would enjoy, from the various productions of the whole Universe. Now farewell _Plymouth_, no matter whither we went, for whereever we came; we found still some or other that gave us entertainment for those good parts they found in my Mother she being very well read both in Divinity and History, and having an eloquent tongue, she commonly apply’d her self to the Minister of the Town; who wondering to see so much learning and perfection in a Woman, either took us to his own house for a while; or gathered some contributions to supply our present necessities, with which we travelled to the next Town: And in this manner we strouled or wandered up and down, being little better then mendicant Itinerants, Staying so little time in a place, and my mother being more careful to get a subsistance, than to season my tender years with the knowledge of Letters, I was ten years old before I could read. Travelling through many towns unfit for our purpose, we at last took our seat for a while at _Biraport_ in _Dorsetshire_, here being ashamed to go to School in this ignorance, I applyed my self to my Mother, who taught me to apprehend the Alphabet in less hours than there are letters; so that in a short time, I could read distinctly, and immediately introduc’d into the Grammar School, where I had not been long, before I became a Book-worm securing as many as lay in my way, if convenient privacy serv’d. And to the intent that my Thefts might pass undiscovered, before I would vend what Book I had stolen, I usually metamorphozed them: if new, I would gash their skin, and if the leaves were red, I would make them look pale with the wounds they received; If much used, tear out all the remarks, and paint their old faces, and having so done, make sale of them. This course I followed a long time undiscovered, which cost many a Boy a Whipping at home by their Parents, as well as Master. I had various uses for my money I made thereof (you must think) but principally to bribe some of the upper Form to make my Exercises, which were so well liked of by my Master, that I still came off with applause; and in a short time so advanced, that I was next to the highest Form, when I understood not the lowest Author we read. I was forced to imploy my wits in the management of my hands, to keep touch with my Pensioners, least they failing me for want of encouragement, my Master should discover how much my dunceship was abused. Frequent were my truantings, which were always attended with some notorious fact besides small faults as robbing of Orchards, pulling the first and seconds of forty or fifty Geese at a time, milking the Cows or Goats into my Hat, and so drink the milk: And then for poultry, there was seldome a day escaped wherein I had not more or less, usually I took them thus. At night I haunted the Hen-roosts taking them off so quietly from what they stood on, that their keckling noise seldome alarum’d the rest; if I could not conveniently carry them off, I made their Eggs compound for their heads. If I meet with any Geese at any time, then out came my short stick with a string fastned to a bullet, and tyed to the end thereof, with this would I fetch in my Game by the neck, the weight of the bullet twirling the string so many times about the neck, that they could not disengage themselves from inevitable destruction. I used to fish for Ducks, baiting my Hook with a gut or some such trash, and laying it on a piece of Corke, that swimming it might be the sooner perceived, I could catch in a short time as many as I pleased: Nay, I have not only thus deceived the tame fowl, but the same way with a longer time, I have caught Gulls and other Sea-birds. What I had gotten by these cunning & so much to be approved tricks, I carryed to a house that encouraged me in my Roguery, participating of the cheer, and so feasting me for my pains: if I had stolen any thing, I had my recourse to them, who would give me two pence for what was worth a shilling, and render me good content. I knew my punishment for my rambling and valued it not; therefore little hope of reformation from thence. Nay for very small faults I wished to be whipt, knowing the rod would then be laid on gently, which carried with it a tickling pleasure. As for my Thefts and Rogueries abroad I was careful they should not be discovered. If any Boy had injur’d me whose strength exceeded mine, so that I durst not cope with him, I would exercise my revenge upon him privately, concealing the resentment of the injury he did me. For to grin and not bite, doth but perswade an Adversary to knock out those teeth that may prove some time or other injurious. One common trick I had, was to stick a pin on the board whereon he was to sit: in this manner did I serve several, in which fact I was at last taken. The punishment my Master inflicted on me, was, to sit by his desk alone and complete a copy of Verses; there was great likelihood I should perform my task, when I knew not how many feet an Hexameter required and yet I then read _Virgil_. However some thing I must attempt, and thinking _Saphicks_ and _Iambicks_ too difficult, I ventur’d upon _Heroicks_, supposing them the easier composition. But Lord into what an access of laughter did my Master fall into, when he perused my hobling strains. Surely said he, these Verses are running a race altogether, the first did not start fairly, or else is a very nimble Gentleman, for he hath out run all his fellows four feet, the second comes two foot short of him, yet too forward for a true pace; here is another lame in a foot, and halts most scurvily, here is another whose quantity is short, and hath gotten upon stilts to seem long, and one (in contradiction to him) which is long, because he will be short hath cut his own Legs off: With these and the like speeches did he please himself in his own wit, (which I understood but little) and after he had tired himself and me too, with prodigal talk: He then spake to me in a harder dialect, making me understand how ignorant I was, and how much precious time (irrecoverably) I had lost, which so much seiz’d on my spirits, that I was much griev’d and troubled, so that he made Vermilion tears run down my cheeks, _&c._ After he had bestowed so much correction as he thought might work in me penitence for my egregious truanting he degraded me, and made me begin a new. The shame whereof and reproach I daily received from my School-fellows, I could not bear; wherefore I prevailed on my Mothers indulgence, to let me regain what I had lost at home, which she consented to. But perceiving my Lecherous inclinations, by my night practises with her Maid, resolved to send me to a Boarding School: For our Family being but small, I lay with the Maid: beeing so young, my Mother did not in the least suspect me; but my too forward Lechery would not let me lie quiet, putting her frequently to the Squeak. In fine, I was sent away a great distance to a very severe and rigid Master, I no sooner commenced Scholar to this Tyrant pedagogue, but I was kept close to my Book, and lest my Wit should be any ways dulled, my stomack was always kept sharp; which quickned my invention to supply what was deficient. There is no complaint so insufferable as the grumbling of empty and dissatisfied Guts. My greatest care was to insinuate my self into the favour of the Servant Maids, knowing they loved to play at _a Small Game_ rather then stick out. I performed my business so well that my stomack was always satiated, when the rest of the Boarders were dissatisfied, often going to bed in a manner supperless. Here I was depriv’d of my old pilfering way, because I had no convenience for the disposal of what I stole, it being but a very small Village. However to keep my hand in use, I daily practised on Fruit. Sometimes with a Spar sharpned at one end, I pickt the Apples out of the Baskets: other times I took with me a Comrade, and then thus would we do. I would go to the Fruiterer and bargain with him for a penny worth or more of Apples, receiving them into my Hat, pretending to draw my mony out, I did clap my Hat between my Legs my partner perceiving that (as we had afore plotted it would be) behind, snatcht it through my Legs and ran away with it, I thereupon did use to roar out as if I had been undone, and pretending to run after him to regain my Hat, we got out of sight and then shared the booty. One time coming a long the Market, I saw a small basket of Cherries, I demanded of the woman that sold them, what she would have for as many as I could take up in my hand; she looking upon it and seeing it was but a very small one; proportionable to my Stature, two pence said she; with that, I laid her down her Price, and took up basket and all the Cherries therein contain’d, and in a sober pace carried them away. The woman amazed that she should be thus surprized by such a Younker followed me; and making a great noise, gathered a conflux of people about us, and among the rest a Gentleman of quality, who was very earnest to know what the matter was; Holding my purchase fast in my hands (for nothing could perswade me to let go that booty I had so fair obtained, I desired the Gentleman that he would be judge of my cause, whereupon I related to him in what manner I bargained with the woman, and that I had done nothing unjustly, but what was according to our contract; the Gentleman wondering at the Pregnancy of wit in so tender an age, laught heartily, and condemned the Cherries for my own proper use, but withal paid the woman for them. I was naturally so prone to please my sences so that I cared not what course I took that I might obtain my desires, I appli’d my self more to my wit and invention, than I should have done, had I had anything allowed me from a Friend for a moderate expence. But my Mother thought otherwise, knowing by infallible symptomes, the extravagantness of my inclinations, and therefore debarred me as much as she could the very sight of money. A River confined within some made Bank, deterring its natural course, will (when that is overthrown which impeded its progress) flow with the greater impetuosity: Youth may for a while be circumscribed as to its desires: but if his inclination prompt him to the enjoyment of sensual delights, sooner or later he will taste their relish; and better early than late. Before the Noon of his days approach, Experience may reform his Life and Conversation though from the dawning Morning thereof, till the Meridian his Actions have been nothing else but the Extract of all manner of Debauchery. But (it is commonly observed): That Man which in the Declination of his Age tracks the bypaths of Vice and Licentiousness seldom desists till Death cuts off his passage; never leaving off doting on such false and imaginary pleasures, till the _Grim Pale-faced Messenger_ takes him napping. Thus much by way of digression.

Our Master was very ancient, however resolved that his Age should not hinder his Teaching: for if he found himself indisposed, he would send for us all into his bed-chamber, instructing us there: A man of so strange a temper, that he delighted to invert the course of Nature, lying in bed by day, and walking in the night, the rain seldome deterring him. On a time above the rest, a Gentleman had sent his Son five pieces of Gold to give his Master for Diet, _&c._ Our Master receiving them, called for a small Cabinet that stood in the room, which I (more officious than the rest) brought him. Having put in the Gold, he commanded me to carry it from whence I had it: which I did, well considering the weight thereof, being, though small, very heavy. The Devil presently became my Tutor, suggesting to my thoughts various ways for the gaining this money. At last I resolved to take the impression of the Key in wax: which with much difficulty I obtained and carried it to a Smith four miles distant. The old Fellow (immediately upon my proposal) suspected me; (doubtless he was acquainted with such kind of devices) and questioning me what I intended thereby, I was forced to betake my self to my Legs for safety, not knowing what answer to make him. The Smith seeing me run, thinking to benefit himself by apprehending me persued after, with a red hot iron in his hand which his haste had made him forget to lay aside, one standing by me, (just as the Smith had almost overtaken me) seeing him come running with a hot iron in his hand, and fearing lest his blind passion might prompt him to mischief me, struck up his heels who in the fall gave himself a burnt mark in the hand which no doubt he had long ago deserv’d; my unknown friend would not suffer him to rise till I was out of sight. My first stratagem not suiting with my purpose, I try’d a Pick-lock of mine own invention; but that would not effect my design neither: so that I concluded to take Cabinet and all, and in order thereunto watcht my opportunity when he should walk abroad according to his custom at night. It was not long ere I enjoyed my wishes. My masters custom was to walk abroad at nights, and sleep in the day time; inverting the course of Nature: foreknowing his intention, I got into the Chamber and conceal’d my self under the Bed: So finding my way clear, I convey’d my self and purchase out of the House; and travelled all night. In the morning I found my self near a small Town, about sixteen miles distant from the place whence I came. Thinking my self now secure, I thought it very requisite here to repose my wearied Limbs and solace my self with the sight of what I had gotten; but it was not long after that I was so laced for it, that comparatively to my punishment _Bridewell_ whipping is but a pastime. The first Bush I came at I went in and called for Sack, having never tasted any, & hearing much talk thereof; at which the people of the house much admired that so small an Urchin as I should call for such costly liquor, they viewed me very attentively, but more especially the Cabinet, which caused them to suspect me. The Master of the house was acquainted herewith, who as the Devil would have it was a Puritan, & a Constable too, officious and severe. Without craving pardon for his bold intrusion, he desired me I would admit him into my Boy-ships society. I confess his gray hairs and sower countenance made me at first sight, very much fear what the event of his visit would prove. However with a seeming undauntedness I drank to him, but what a difference of taste there was in that and the first glass I drank _Solus_: at length he came to ask me divers questions, _Whence I came?_ _Whither I was going?_ _What was contained within that Cascanet?_ and the like. Before I could give the resolution of what they demanded, the _Hue and Cry_ overtook me: presently I was laid hold on, and my treasure taken from me: that which vext me as much as my Surprizal was, I had no further time to try what kind of taste the Sack had. Various were the talk of the people, every one spending his Verdict on me. _This is a prime young rogue indeed, to begin thus soon, _said one_, could he have seen, when in his Mothers belly, surely he would have stoln something thence. _Another said_, Forward fruit was soon rotten, and since I began to steal whilst a child, I should be hanged before _I_ should write Man._ Ready to die with fear, I was sent back to the place whence I came and from thence to the place of execution, had not the tenderness of my age, and fewness of years procured pitty from my injur’d Master. Confin’d I was within his house, lockt up close Prisoner in a Chamber, till that he could acquaint my mother with what had past. In this time I was not debarred of my sustenance though my Commons were Epitomized, neither was I altogether deprived of society, for I was daily visited by my master attended with a Cat of Nine-tails (as he called it) being so many small cords, with which he fleyd my buttocks; and when he found me stubborn, or not penitent enough as he thought, after he had skinned my podex, he would wash it with vinegar, or water and salt. Within a week my Mother arrived, who hearing of my Rogueries, was so impatient, that she would needs take me to task her self; But when she had untrust me, and saw me in so woful a plight, my shirt being as stiff as Buckram with _blood_ and my tender breech ploughed and harrowed, fell down as if she had been about to expire: recovering my Master endeavour’d to satisfy her, by telling her that great offences required great punishments; and the way to bend an oak, is to do it whilst it is young, I had once when young (said he) a Spaniel which would find out the Hens nest, and breaking the eggs suck them, so that we could never have any Chickens, at last discovering who was the malefactor; I be thought my self of this punishment which should hinder him for ever doing the like. I got an egg roasted so hard till the shell was ready to burn, then did I first show the Egg to the dog, and then clapt it hot into his mouth holding his jaws close, this so tormented him by burning, that ever after he could not indure the sight thereof but if shown run away crying as if he had been beaten. Thus for the notorious fact your Son must be so sharply chastized, that when he thinks of stealing he shall remember those torments he once endured for it, & so frighten him from executing any such crime. Many more arguments he alledg’d to that purpose, which had satisfied her well in his severity, had not natural affection interposed. What to do with me she knew not; wherefore she consulted with my Master, who told her, _He durst not keep me longer, the Country people bringing in daily complaints against me_. And to aggravate my Mother the more, he briefly summ’d up my faults in this manner; having had justly various accusers who drew up my indictment, Thus.

_Imprimis_, That one of his Maids having crost me (to be reveng’d of her; knowing she was a drowsie wench, when asleep not easily wak’d) as she slept by the fire, I took my opportunity, to melt some glew, and gently toucht the closure of both her eye-lids with a pencil, which well I knew would lock up her sight. Against the time I intended to wake her I placed all about her Chairs and Stools. The Plot being ripe, I pretended her Mistress called; The wench starting up running and rubbing of her eyes turn’d topsie turvy over the chairs, getting up the ingag’d her self with the stools and so entangled her self therein, that indeavouring to free her self her coats acted the parts of Traytors in discovering the hidden secrets and _Arcanas_ belonging to her sex, and that with much satisfaction I had seen the execution of my revenge. That this wench could not be perswaded by any means, but that as a judgement she was stricken blind for some sin she had committed privately, which then her conscience did whisper in her ear; and undoubtedly had turn’d Lunatick had she not been speedily restored to her sight by taking off the glew, which was done with much difficulty. That he going about to correct me for this unlucky and mischievous fact, was by me shown a very _Shitten trick_, which put him into a _stinking condition_, for having made my self laxative on purpose squirted into his face upon the first lash given. That being upon boys backs, ready to be whipt, I had often bit holes in their ears. That another time sirreverencing in a paper, and running to the window with it, which lookt out into the yard, my aged Mistress looking up to see who opened the Casement, I had like to have thrown it into her mouth; however for a time deprived her of that little sight she had left, that another time I had watcht some lusty young Girls, that used in Summer nights about twelve a clock to wash themselves in a small brook near adjacent, and that I had concealed my self behind a Bush, and when they were stript, took away their cloaths, making them dance home after me stark naked to the view of their sweet hearts whom I had planted in a place appointed for that purpose, having given them before notice of my design. A great many more such tricks he recounted which he knew, but not the tenth of what he knew not. As for example, on _Christmass-day_, we had a pot of Plumb-broth. I askt the Maid to give me a taste to see how I lik’d them, _I that I should_, she said (this was the Maid I had so serv’d before with glew) and with that takes up a ladle full and bid me sup, she holding the ladle in her own hand, I imprudently opening my mouth somewhat larger then I should she poured down the scalding pottage through my throat: at present I could not tell the jade (that laught till she held her sides) how I lik’d them; but I verily believ’d I had swallowed the _Gunpowder-Plot_, expecting every moment to be _blown up_. I took as little notice of this passage as possibly I could, resolving to retalliate her kindness when she least thought on’t. I observed the maid to carry this plum-pottage pot into the yard, and taking notice that the weight of the Jack was in the same yard, wound up a great height under a small pent-house, the Jack being down I suddenly removed the weight, and fastned the pot to the line, so going into the Kitching, wound it up to the top, and then stopt it, for the meat was taken up. The house was all in an uproar instantly about the Pot, every one admiring what should become of it: The Maid averred that she saw it even now, and none could remove it but the Devil. Others asserted (which were infected with _Puritanism_) that it was a Judgment shown for the superstitious observation of that festival day; but the next day, roasting Meat, this seeming miracle vanished by the descending of the pot fastened to the Jack-line. Another time my Master had reserved in his Garden some choise Aprecocks, not above an half-score; which he purposed for some friends that intended to visit him shortly: The daily sight of this delicate fruit, being forbidden, tempted me more strongly to attempt their rape; but I made choice of an impropitious hour to accomplish my design in; for my master looked out of his window and saw me gather them, though he knew not absolutely whether it was I or no. Whereupon; he instantly summoned us together, being met, I quickly understood his intention: therefore I conveyed the Aprecocks into the next boys pocket, I had no sooner done it, but we were commanded to be searched; I was very forward to be the first though I was most suspected, but none was found about me, so that I was acquitted. But to see with what amazement the poor boy gazed, when they were discovered about him, how strangely he looked, distorting his face into several forms, produced laughter even from my incenc’d Master, but real pity from me, for he was severely whipped for that Crime I my self committed. I could recite many more such like childish Rogueries, did I not fear I should be tedious in their relation, and burden the Reader with juvenile follies; fore I shall return where I left off. Whilst my Mother was in a serious consultation with her Reason, how she should dispose of me, I had not patience to wait the result, but gave her the slip, resolved to run the risk of Fortune, and try whether mine own endeavours would supply my necessities.

CHAP. IV.

_How he ran from his Mother, and what courses he steered in
one whole years Ramble._

It was in _August_ when I undertook this my Knight-errantry; the fairness of the Season much favoured my enterprise: thinking I should always enjoy such weather, and never be pincht with necessity, I went on very couragiously. The first dinner I made was on Blackberries and Nuts, esteemed by me very delicious fare at first, which delighted me so much the more, having not my liberty controul’d. When night approached it seemed very uncouth & strange, finding instead of a feather-bed, no other thing to lie on but a _Haycock_, and no other _coverlid_ but the _Canopy of Heaven_. But considering with my self that I had no task to con over night, nor fear of over-sleeping my self next morning, and so be fetcht to School by a Guard of my fellow Schollars with a Lanthorn and Candle, though the Sun appear’d at that time in his full lustre; I laid my self down and slept profoundly, not without some affrighting dreams: The last was of the Cat of Nine Tails, which my Master laid so home me thought that the smart thereof made me cry out, and so I awaked; as then the early Larke, the winged Herald of the morning, had not with her pretty warbling Notes, summon’d the bright watchmen of the Night to prepare for a retreat; neither had _Aurora_ opened the Vermillion Oriental Gate, to make room for Sols radiant Beams, to dissipate that gloomy darkness that had muffled up our Hemisphere in obscurity. In the morning I went on in my progress as the day before; then began a shower of tears to fall from my eyes, considering how I had left my disconsolate, and almost heart-broken Mother, lamenting my loss, and fearing what fatal courses I might take: it was no less trouble to me to think that I was travelling I knew not whither, moneyless, having nothing but hazel, and Brambles to address my self for the appeasing of hungers approaching gripes. Now me thought I began to loath my aforenamed _Manna_, Blackberries, Nuts, Crabs, Bullies, _&c._, and longed to taste of the _Flesh-pots_ again, but the _Devil a bit_ could I get but what the hedges afforded me. All day I thus wandred about, not daring to come near any Town, having had such bad success in the last when I first rambled, and now night came on, which put me in mind of procuring a lodging somewhat warmer than the other. A Barn presently offered it self to my sight, which I accosted, and without delay or fear, entred into the inchanted Castle, where I found accommodations for the most faithful and valiant Knight that ere strode Saddle for Ladies sake. Here might I take my choice of variety of fresh straw, but my weariness would not permit to complement my good fortune one jot, and I so tumbled over head and ears; I had not lain there above an hour before I heard a noise, and peeping out of the straw, being in a great fear, I saw a many strange Creatures come into the Barn, for the day was not yet shut in. My thoughts presently reminded me, that I had heard talk of Hobgoblings, Fairies and the like, and judged these no other; and that which confirmed me in this belief, was their Garb and talking to one another in a Language I understood not, (but since, I understand it to be Canting.) I lay still as long as my fear would permit me, but they surrounding me, I was not able to contain my self longer, but cryed out aloud, _Great God have mercy on me, and let not these Devils devour me_; and with that, started out from among them: They amazed as much as I, ran for it too, leaving their children behind them, every one esteeming him the happiest man which was the foremost. I looking behind me, seeing them following me, imagined these Devils ran upon all four, and having started their game were resolved to hunt a sinful Leveret to death: Concluding them long-winded Hell-hounds, I judgd praying a safer way than flying, and so fell instantly on my knees: The _Gypsies_ quickly overtook me, and finding me in that posture, soon understood whence their fear proceeded. They then spoke to me in a Language I understood, bidding me not be afraid; but I had heard the Devil was a Lyar from the beginning, therefore I would not believe them. They would have rais’d me from my devotion, telling me it was enough, and that made me suspect them the more; thinking they designed to get me out of a praying posture, that they might have the more power of me. Nothing prevailing with me, they vowed and protested they would not injure me in the least, and if I would go along with them, I should share as deliciously as they did, this was a potent argument to perswasion, and so I agreed to go along with them back again. All their cry was now for _Rum-booz_ (_i. e._) for Good Liquor. Their Captain not induring to hear so sad a Complaint, and not endeavour the supplying the want complained of, immediately commanded out four able Maunders, (Beggars) ordering them to stroule (wander) to the next Town, every one going apart. Some Countrey-men gave them drink fearing they might fire the houses in the night, out of revenge, others (out of the more ignorant sort) thought they could command infernal spirits, and so harm them that way, or else bewitch their Cattle, and therefore would not deny them: in so much, that in a short time these four return’d laden with bub and food. It was presently placed in the middle of us, who sate circularly; then out came the Woodden dishes, every one provided but my self, but I was soon suppli’d by a young Rum-Mort that sate next me intended for my sporting mate. A health went round to the Prince of _Maunders_, another to the Great Duke of _Clapperdogeons_, a third to the Marquess of _Doxy Dells_, & _Rum Morts_, a fourth, to the Earl of _Clymes_; neither did we forget, _Haly_, _Abbas_, _Albumazar_, _Arcandam_, with the rest of the Waggoners, that strive who shall be principal in driving _Charles_ his Wain. Most part of the night we spent in Boozing, pecking rumly or wapping, that is drinking, eating, or whoreing, according to those termes they use among themselves. Jealousie was a thing they never would admit of in their Society, and to make appear how little they were tainted therewith, the males and females lay promiscuously together, it being free for any of the Fraternity to make choice of what _Doxie_ he liked best, changing when he pleased. They plyed me so oft with their _Rum-booz_ (as they called it) and pleased me so well in giving me a young Girle to dally with, who (though in Rags, and with a skin artificially discolloured tawny) yet I was not so ignorant, as not to understand good flesh, and what properties went to the compleating a votaress for _Venus_ service. I was so tickled in my fancy with this pretty little wanton Companion, that for her sake, I was very well content to list my self one of that Ragged Regiment. And that which added to the induceing me to this resolution, was my want of money, and what I suffered in those two foregoing hard dayes fare among the Nut Trees. I first acquainted my _Doxie_ with my intent, who glad to hear thereof, gave it vent, and broacht it to the rest, who unanimously with joy imbraced me; and to gratify my inagravation _tipt_ to each other a Gage of _Booz_, and so went round. The fumes of drink had now ascended into their brain, wherefore they _coucht a Hogs-head_, and went to sleep.

CHAP. V.

_Wherein he relates what manner of People they were in whose
Society he entered himself, division of their Tribes,
Manners, Customes, and Language._

As soon as I had resolv’d to travel the Country with them, they fitted me for their company by stripping me, and selling my proper garments, and cloathing me in rags, which they pinn’d about me, giving a stitch here and there, according as necessity required. We used not when we entered our _Libkin_ or Lodging to pull off our clothes; which had I been forced to do, I could never have put them on again, nor any, but such who were accustomed to produce _Order_ out of a _Babel of Rags_. Being now _ale mode Taterdemallion_, to compleat me for their purpose, with green Walnuts they so discoloured my face, that every one that saw me, would have sworn I was the true Son of an _Egyptian_. Before we marched on, let me give you an account of our Leaders, and the rancks we were disposed in. Our chief Commander was called by the name of _Ruffeler_, the next to him _Upright-man_, the rest in order thus:

_Hookers_, (alias) _Anglero_.
_Priggers of Prancers._
_Pallyards._
_Fraters._
_Prigges._
_Swaddlers._
_Curtals._
_Irish toyle._
_Swigmen._
_Jarkemen._
_Patri-Coes._
_Kitchin-Coes._
_Abram men._
_Whip-Jacks._
_Counterfeit-Cranks._
_Dommerars._
_Glymmerers._
_Bawdy-Baskets._
_Autem-Morts._
_Doxies._
_Dells._
_Kitchin-Morts._

We Muster’d above threescore old and young, and because we were too great a company to March together, we were divided into three Squadrons. The first Squadron that led the Van, was ordered by our Commander, to stick up small boughs all the way they went, that we might know what course they steer’d. For like Wild Fowl we fly one after another, and though we are scattered like the _quarters_ of a _Traitor_, yet like water when cut with a Sword, we easily came together again. As the _Switzer_ hath his Wench and his Cock with him when he goes to Wars: or like a _Scotch Army_, where every Soldier almost hath the _Geud Wife_ & the _Bearns_ following him: So we had every one his _Doxie_ or Wench, who carried at her back a _Lullaby-cheat_, & it may be another in her Arms. When they are weary of carrying them, they take their turnes to put them in a pair of Panniers, like green Geese going to Market, or like Fish in Dossers coming from _Rye_. Where note, that each division hath a small Horse or two, or else Asses to ease them of their burdens. Some of us were clad Antickly with Bells and other toys, meerly to allure the Country people unto us, which most commonly produced their desired effects. In some places they would flock unto us, in great quantities, and then was our time to make our Markets. We pretended an acquaintance with the Stars (as having an alliance to the _Egyptian Magi_, the founders of Astrologick Art) and that the Ministers of Fate were our Familiars, and so possessing these poor ignorant people with a belief, that we could tell their fortunes by inspection into either hands or faces; whil’st we were seriously looking thereon, one of our _diving Comrades_ pickt their pockets, or with a short sharp knife, and a horn on the thumb _nipt_ their _bungs_. By asking the silly milk Maids questions, we gathered from their own mouths the properest resolutions, then they would admire, and in their admiration tremble to hear the Truth proceed from the mouth of such as were strangers to their actions, by which means, among some we gained a great respect, accompanied with fear. Did not Astrologers make use of such stratagems, they could never acquire so much repute among the judicious, as well as vulgar capacities. And because it falls in so pat to my present purpose, I shall beg so much patience from the Reader, as to give him a brief account of some fallacies, some _Star-gazing Impostors_ use to work their own ends, and delude credulous people. One whereof I knew, who raised his credit (and since a considerable estate) upon the Basis of good intelligence. He kept a servant, who constantly attended below for the reception of such who came for satisfaction in the Astrological Resolution of questions. This mans Office was to tell the Querent, _That his Master was busie above, about some grand concern, but if the Person would be pleased to wait a little while, till that business was dispatched he questioned not but that his Master would render him a satisfactory account of what he demanded_, adding farther (to infuse into him faith, to credit what he said) _that though report had spoken largely_, (and yet nothing but what this Artist hath merited) _yet all came far short of his real desert, having done such stupendious things, that must needs (without injustice) be commemorized to Eternity, and admired by future ages_. In the mean time, this servant endeavoured to pump out of the Proponent what he came about, which being understood, he gave information to his Master, by so many times ringing of a Bell. This Item being given, the Querent is called up, and before ever he can frame his mouth to propound his question, this profound Artist prevents him, saying, _I know what you come about Sir, (therefore save your self the labour to tell me that which I know already) you have lost a Watch, a Horse; or you would know how you shall prosper in such a business, whither Marriage or an Imployment; or any such like common question_. This makes the Artist to be wondered at; and then erecting a Scheme, positively and surlily tells him what he must expect, and that he may give answers more exactly concerning stolen goods, he was in constant fee with _Thief-takers_, who from time to time, made him a report of what persons were robbed, what the things were, and many times gave him a description of the Fellon. By these practises men believed every word he delivered to be an Oracle; so that his Chamber was daily so thronged with the report of people, that in a short time his ambition pricked him on to purchases, with the money he had gained thus fallaciously. One story, very remarkable, I shall add, and then crave your pardon for this my digression. One day a young Gentleman (but of a mean estate) came to him, who was more credulous than wise, and more inquisitive then prudent; and having not that wealth which his _prodigality_ required, desired instructions what course he was best to steer to arrive at the Port of his wishes and hopes: viewing him narrowly, he perceived him to be a man of a sweet complexion, and a body well proportioned; and therefore judged him a fit subject for Female fancies to work upon. _Sir_, (said he) _I shall give you my best advice, but I shall crave your patience for a little while; for a matter of this weight must not precipitately be undertaken: wherefore if you please to see me to morrow, what lies in me shall be at your service._ Being just gone it happened that a _Stale Maid_, who had more money than beauty, & less discretion than lechery, came to be resolv’d of him, _When she should be married_: (for it seems by the sequel she could tarry no longer:) viewing her well, (though she knew not him) he knew her to be wealthy, and nearly related to persons of quality. _Madam_, (said he) _I shall endeavour your satisfaction_; and so withdrew into his closet. Having staid a while bringing out his Figure, and with much gravity looking thereupon, he thus unridled the mysterious meaning of the Celestial Bodies. _Madam, You never was much troubled with the importunate suits of amorous Visitants_, (this he gathered from the deformity of her Physiognomy) _they all knowing your indifferency to change your condition, but upon considerable grounds; by which means you have almost frustrated what the Stars have designed for you. I hope it is but almost_, (said she) _not altogether_: for it troubled her very much to hear she should leave the world without tasting the sweets of a married life. _No_, (he replied) _for if to-morrow by four of the clock in the Afternoon, you go into _Moor-fields_, & take a turn or two in the _Userers-walk_, you shall there meet with a person rich & handsome, that at first sight shall fall extreamly in love with you; slight him not, neither deny him his conjugal proposal; if you do, it will be too late to hope for an husband. You shall distinguish him from others by these signs: His Complexion is fair, his Eye sharp and piercing, his Hair flaxen, of a middle Stature._ Her joy had like to have transported her beyond the bounds of modesty, which she could not conceal, but made it appear in a pecuniary expression of her gratitude for such welcome tidings; and so promising him to follow his counsel, she took her leave. The next morning the young Gallant came, who had his lesson given him: but before he went, he made him give a Bond of 200_l._ to be paid upon the day of his marriage with that Gentlewoman; which he gladly consented to, and paid that very sum within ten days after, for according to the directions was given him, he met with that Gentlewoman describ’d to him, as he had been before to her, who at the first sight of each other, was incapable of containing themselves, but mutually embrac’d (after three or four words past) as if he had been her (_quondam_) Dearly Beloved, returned from some long Voyage, and went not to their respective lodgings till their Marriage was consummated. But to return where I left off.

Thus we rambled up and down the Countrey; and where the people demean’d themselves not civil to us by voluntary contributions, their Geese, Hens, Pigs, or any such mandible thing we met with, made us satisfaction for their hide-bound injuries. Our revenge most commonly was very bloody, and so merciless, that whatever fell into our hands, never escaped alive, and in our murders so cruel, that nothing would satisfie us but the very hearts-blood, of what we killed. The usual sacrifices of our implacable revenge, were innocent Lambs, Sheep, Calves, _&c._ all which we handled more severely than Prisoners are by Serjeants, when they are not paid their unjust Demands; Fees, I should have said, but that by experience I have found, they walk not according to the Rules of ancient Constitutions, but are guided by the dictates of their insatiate wills, which is their Law, which poor Prisoners must indulge, (though they rack their slender credits, or pawn their Clothes) or else they must expect less kindness from them, then a Condemned person about to be tyed up by the Hang-man, who will stay till he is ready to be turned off. A Goose coming among us, we have a trick to make him so wise, as never to be a Goose again: But let the wisest use what tricks they can, they never shall make some Serjeants honest men. We seize the prey, and leave the Tragical part to our _Morts_ or women to act: the _Stage_ on which they perform their parts, is either some large _Heath_, or _Firze-bush-Common_, far from any House. This being done, and night approaching, we repair to our Dormitories, or Houses of rest, which are most usually Out-barns of Farmers and Husbandmen, which we make choice of in some poor stragling Village, who dare not deny us, for fear ere the morning they find their Thatcht Houses too hot to hold them. These Barns serve us instead of Cook Rooms, Supping Parlours, and Bed-Chambers: having Supt, (most commonly in a plentiful manner) we cannot _Couch a Hogshead_, that is to say, sleep, without good store of _Rum-booz_, that is, drink; and having sufficiently warm’d our brains with humming Liquor, which our _Lower_ (Silver) shall procure; if our deceitful _Maunding_ (Begging) cannot, we then sing a catch or two in our own Language, of which we had good store; which for their bawdry I omit: however, give me leave to instance one Canting Song, and I shall wave the rest, being loath to tire you too much with one thing.