Chapter XVIII: Handbills, Inscriptions, Etc (2)

To enumerate a task would be--
The best way is to come and see;
But not to come too vague an errand,
We’ll give a sketch which we will warrant.
About _one hundred books_, in due lots,
And pretty near the same in _shoe-lasts_;
_Coats_, _waistcoats_, _breeches_, shining _buttons_,
Perhaps ten thousand _leather cuttings_,
Sold at per pound--your lot but ask it,
Shall be weighed to you in a basket;
Some lot of _tools_ to make a try on,
About one hundred-weight of _iron_;
_Scales_, _earthenware_, _arm-chairs_, a _tea-urn_,
_Tea-chests_, a _herring-tub_, and so on;
With various more that’s our intention,
Which are too tedious here to mention.
N.B.--To undeceive, ’fore you come nigher,
The duty charged upon the buyer;
And, should we find we’re not perplext,
We’ll keep it up the Tuesday next.

We have two more specimens of the English peculiar to Continentalists, the first being of about the same period as Hall’s verse. It is an exact copy of a card circulated by the landlord of an hotel at Ghent:--

Mr. Dewitt, in the Golden Apple, out of the Bruges Gate at Ghent, has
the honour to prevent the Persons who would come at his house, that
they shall find there always good and spacious Lodgings, a Table
served at their taste, Wine of any quality, etc. Besides he hires
Horses and Chaises, which shall be of a great conveniency for the
Travellers; the Bark of Bruges depart and arrives every day before his
door. He dares flatter himself, that they shall be satisfied, as well
with the cheapness of the price, as with the cares such an
establishment requires.

This and the next, which was given to the world in 1822, may cause English people who fancy they have the most correct knowledge of French, as well as the true Parisian accent, to be a little cautious in their belief, for there is no doubt that the authors of both notices were very strong on their powers of “spiking the English,” as many French announcements have it:--

M. MARLOTEAU et Cie.

_Manufacturers from Paris,_

37, MONTMORENCY-STREET,

_To London 14 Broad Street, Oxford street_.

Acquaint the Trade in general, that they have just established in
LONDON.

A Warhouse for FRENCH FLOWERS, for each Season, feathar from hat
ladies of their own Manufacture elegant fans of the NEWEST TASTE.

And of Manufactures of PARIS, complette sets ornaments for balls,
snuff boxes scale gold and silver, boxes toilette, ribbons and
embroidered, hat et cap, from Ladies of the newest Taste, China, all
sorts, etc.

He commit generally the articles from Paris, Manufacturers.

And send in all BRITISH CITY.

Attandance from Nine o’Clock in the Morning till five in the
Afternoon.

Before and during the year 1825 a man used to stand at the corner of Fleet Market, and deliver handbills in the interest of a society which had for its object the genteel and comfortable interment of its members. One of these advertisements has been preserved, and a copy of it is appended. Its commencement is curious, and must at times have somewhat disconcerted incautious readers, who in the midst of their business cares or pleasure pursuits suddenly had the notice of death thrust upon them. Sir Thomas Browne, who professed to know all about mortality, says that “man is a noble animal, splendid in ashes, and pompous in the grave.” Whoever drew up the handbill was certainly aware of the craving which exists in many minds, especially among the lower orders, for a good funeral, and made abundant provision for it. Really a _tædium vitæ_ almost creeps over one upon reading it. Who would not be willing to die, in death to be attended as is promised? Two rows all round of close-drove best black japanned nails feelingly invite and almost irresistibly persuade us to come and be screwed down. What aching head can resist the temptation to repose presented by the handsome crape shroud, the cap, and pillow? What sting is there in death which handles with wrought gripes are not calculated to pluck away? What victory in the grave which the drops and the velvet pall do not render at least extremely disputable? And, above all, a pretty emblematic plate, with the angel above and the flower beneath, is utterly irresistible. But we in our rhapsody had forgotten to copy the bill:--

BURIAL SOCIETY.

A favourable opportunity now offers to any person, of either sex, who
would wish to be buried in a genteel manner, by paying one shilling
entrance, and twopence per week for the benefit of the stock. Members
to be free in six months. The money to be paid at Mr. Middleton’s at
the sign of “the First and Last,” Stonecutter Street, Fleet Market.
The deceased to be furnished as follows: a strong elm coffin, covered
with superfine black, and finished with two rows, all round, close
drove, best black japanned nails, and adorned with ornamental drops, a
handsome plate of inscription, angel above, and flower beneath, and
four pair of handsome handles, with wrought gripes; the coffin to be
well pitched, lined, and ruffled with fine crape; a handsome crape
shroud, cap, and pillow. For use, a handsome velvet pall, three
gentlemen’s cloaks, three crape hatbands, three hoods and scarfs, and
six pair of gloves; two porters equipped to attend the funeral, a man
to attend the same with band and gloves; also the burial fees paid, if
not exceeding one guinea.

The notice further informed the public, that though the society had only been established a very few years, upwards of eleven hundred persons had put down their names. It is worthy of remark that so many people of the industrious classes should have clubbed their twopences to avoid what they considered the disgrace of a parish funeral, and should doubtless have rejoiced when their six months had expired, and they stood face to face with the handsome velvet pall and etceteras. The very poor are to this day very particular about their funerals, and many a savoury morsel is the living body deprived of that the lifeless one may go comfortably to its last home. A labouring man’s greatest pride often is that he gave wife, parent, or child a good funeral; and this feeling is perfectly independent of the wake peculiarities and festivities that obtain among a certain section of the lower orders. Readers must be warned against an idea which they may be apt to form about the place whence these proposals issued. From the sign of the “First and Last,” they might conclude that Mr Middleton was a publican who, in assembling a club of the above description at his house, had a view to his own interest altogether foreign to the purpose for which the society was instituted. Mr Middleton was no publican, though he hung out a sign, but an honest undertaker, who also dealt in wicker ware, and who, by the exhibition of both cradle and coffin as a device, attracted attention to which the motto “First and Last” contributed in no small measure.

The following humorous handbill was about 1825 given away by a publican in the neighbourhood of the Strand. It is certainly a gem in its way, and shows an originality which was more likely to have been possessed by one of the needy and seedy customers hanging about in the vicinity of the theatres fifty years back, than by the well-fed, well-clad, and probably bumptious “bung,” who ought to have made the writer free of his various entertainments during the long “run” they doubtless obtained if the performance was in any way as good as the programme:--

_Licensed by Act of Parliament._
And under the immediate Patronage of the Public.
THEATRE OF EPICUREAN VARIETY
at the
KING OF PRUSSIA
Wych Street.

W. Trampton has the honor of informing his friends and the public that
his compact comfortable snug and _cosey_ little Theatre is now open
for the Winter Season; where from the well known excellence of the
company engaged he trusts to meet with a share of that encouragement
it will be his endeavour to merit and his pride to acknowledge.

A peculiar advantage attending this Theatre will no doubt be justly
appreciated by the public, namely that tickets of admission may be had
for the separate branches of the entertainment, the price of which
together with the hours of performance are specified in the following
bill:--

_During the Week the following Entertainments will be presented._

A favourite Burletta in One Act, called
SOMETHING LIKE BREAKFAST.

The chief characters by the celebrated foreign performers,
Signiors TEA COFFEE SUGAR etc.

Price of admission 10d. Hours from 8 to 10 A.M.
_After which, a Bagatelle, or Interlude in One Act, called_
IF YOU LIKE IT, LUNCH IT.

The characters by
Messrs CHESCHIRE GLOUCESTER CRUST
KIDNEY RAREBIT etc.
And other well known Performers who will be found ever ready at
the call of the Public.

_At the Hour of three P.M. a Grand Melodrama in two Acts called_
HOW SHALL I DINE?

The chief Character on Monday by the celebrated old Roscius
of the Epicurean Stage,
ROAST BEEF.

The other Characters by the celebrated _Murphys_ etc., assisted by
the _Little Pickles_ etc.

Guards, Messrs _Cayenne_ etc. Scenery by Messrs _Diaper and
Assistants_. Dresses by _Mrs Cook_.

Music (a _joint_ composition of _Handel_ and _Stick_) by Messrs _Knife
and Fork_.

Price of Admission One Shilling.

The principal Character in the above-mentioned Piece will be sustained
by different Actors of celebrity during the week, viz.

Tuesday _Boiled Mutton_, Wednesday _Roast or Boiled Pork_, Thursday
_Veal and Bacon_, Friday _Boiled Beef_, Saturday _Roast Mutton_.

At Eight P.M. every evening the well known eccentric Pat Murphy (in
company with his friend Pat Butter) will have the honour of making his
appearance in his much admired hot-jacket of brown.

_Theatre closed every Evening at half past Eleven._

N.B. A stout and venerable white-headed Porter from the office of
Messrs Goodwyn & Co. will attend the Theatre for the purpose of
keeping good order during the performance.

_The whole got up under the immediate care of_
Stage Manager _W. Trampton_.

Between forty and fifty years ago there was an amusing contest going on between two tradespeople in the City: both were hairdressers, and lived opposite each other. Seeing that the one throve by selling pomade made of bear’s grease, the other, knowing that it was just as good and more profitable to sell any other material in pots with “bear’s grease” on the label, started in opposition, using similar pots to those sold by his opponent, filled with an inexpensive unguent. The first dealer, who was known to keep bears in his cellar, and who had himself taken up once a week before the sitting alderman as a nuisance, by way of advertisement, killed a bear upon this, and hung him up whole in full sight in his shop. He also wrote in the window, “A fresh bear killed this day!” The other, who had but one bear in all the world, which he privately led out of his house after dark every night, and brought him back in the morning (to seem like a new supply going on), continued his sale, and announced in his window, “Our fresh bear will be killed to-morrow.” The original vendor then, determined to cut off his rival’s last shift, kept his actual bears, defunct, with the skins only half off, like calves at a butcher’s, hanging up always at his door, proclaimed that “all bear’s grease sold in pots was a vile imposture,” and desired his customers to walk in “and see theirs with their own eyes, cut and weighed from the animal.” This seemed conclusive for two days; but on the third, the cunning opposition was again to the fore, with a placard “founded on the opinion of nine doctors of physic,” which stated that bear’s grease “obtained from the animal in a tamed or domesticated state, will not make anybody’s hair grow at all.” In consequence of which, he went on to say, “he has formed an establishment in Russia (where all the best bears come from), for catching them wild, cutting the fat off immediately, and potting it down for London consumption.” And the rogue actually ruined the business of his antagonist, without going to the expense of killing a single bear, by writing all over his house, “Licensed by the Imperial Government--Here, and at Archangel.”

George Robins, the auctioneer, was a profound believer in the value of advertisements, and exercised all his ingenuity and ability, both of which were considerable, to devise fresh schemes for attracting public notice. His powers of producing a good bill were remarkable, as was also his facility of description. Robins’s style has been so often commented upon, and his work so often copied and burlesqued, that it is hardly worth while our touching upon either him or his bills. As, however, such a book as this would be hardly complete without a reference to the puffing genius of modern days, we select a portion--and only a portion, mind--of his description of the Colosseum in Regent’s Park, one of the greatest failures of speculative enthusiasts known, which, despite Robins and his panegyric, and despite the strenuous efforts which have been made to cultivate an unwilling populace into believing in it as a place of amusement, is now being demolished to make way for a set of dwelling-houses planned upon the site on which was reared the building described by the poetically-fancied auctioneer as, among many other things, a

=CYCLOPÆAN STRUCTURE=,

WHERE DESCRIPTION FAILS TO PORTRAY

“Its eloquent proportions,
Its mighty graduations,”

WHICH, EVEN WHEN SEEN,

“Thou seest not all, but piecemeal thou must break,
To separate contemplation, the great whole.”

THE EXQUISITE PROPORTIONS OF

=THE CLASSIC PORTICO=,

One of the finest specimens of

=THE GREEK DORIC=,

TOGETHER WITH

“The Dome, the vast and wondrous Dome,”

WHICH PROUDLY

“-----------------------------Vies
In air with earth’s chief structures,”

Win our admiration, while there is nothing of ancient or modern days
that can compete with it either in

^Classic Elegance, Grandeur of Effect, or Beauty of Proportion;^

And it must remain to future ages a monument of the genius of the
architect, as an

“Outshining and o’erwhelming edifice.”

The stupendous purpose for which the COLOSSEUM was erected is too
well known to need description.

=THOUSANDS AND TENS OF THOUSANDS=

Having been attracted by

THE PICTURE OF LONDON,

Which covers the interior of the external wall,

=THE MODERN BABYLON=,

Which occupied the artist upwards of four years in delineating its
endless details from the dome of St. Paul’s at the quiet hour of
morning, when the buildings of this great metropolis were unobscured
by smoke, and the early mists dispersed by the sun’s vicegerent
power,--this picture now

“Stands within the Colosseum’s wall.”

THE BUILDING CONTAINS

=A GRAND SALOON OF ART=,

Surrounding the interior of the whole edifice,

“All musical in its immensities,
Rich marbles--richer painting--”

Stored with productions of modern artists, models of ingenious
machinery, and a variety of scientific experiments to attract the
spectator, and is well calculated for any and every exhibition of an
extensive nature.

“Enter--------------thy mind,
Expanded by the genius of the spot,
Has grown colossal!”

On the outside of the main building are magnificent Conservatories
filled with every kind of exotic, and decorated with

_FOUNTAINS AND JETS D’EAU_,

Equalling in beauty the most celebrated

^Fountains of Versailles & St. Eldefonso^.

=Two Thousand Eight Hundred Persons=

HAVE PAID FOR ADMISSION DURING ONE DAY

To view this extraordinary and incomparable work of art.

=THE COLOSSEUM’S GRANDEUR=

ENCOMPASSED THEM WITH WONDER--A SUBLIME
CREATIVE SPIRIT IN THIS WORLD OF MIRACLES.

It may be well to observe that continued success will be rendered
certain by a change of scene, and the purchaser has
only to call to his aid

=THE MAGIC INFLUENCE OF STANFIELD’S PENCIL=

To create a new sensation, and enlist thousands to partake of the
refreshing delight created by his versatile and unrivalled talent.
Indeed, it will not be requisite to tax ingenuity very greatly to
think of an infinite variety of ways by which a large fortune may be
made. It has for years past produced from

=Three to Five Thousand Pounds a Year=,

And this without any artificial aid, or so much of industry and tact
as this wonderful building seems especially to have invited.

Robins’s eloquence very often led him to describe things as they were not, and now and again he had to recant and make amends. He is generally credited with having referred to a gallows which stood upon part of an estate, as a unique and elegant hanging wood, and thereby obtaining a considerably larger sum for the property than it was in any way worth. Among Robins’s many eccentricities this must not be reckoned, as the hanging-wood episode, though true in itself, belongs to an earlier time, the trick having been played during the last century. When a man gets credit for the possession of any peculiarity, every story that can be raked up of a suitable kind takes him for its originator or leading spirit, and innumerable tales were at one time current with regard to the great auctioneer, of which he was perfectly innocent. So it is in other things. What did Foote, Garrick, Sheridan, Hook, Sydney Smith, Hood, Barham, Rogers, Jerrold, and numerous other of our celebrated wits, know of a quarter the sayings and doings that have been ascribed to them? Little indeed, we fancy. But there are some things which Robins did say and do which have not been recorded. In answer to a lady who remarked to him that in his graphic descriptions he must have used up the entire dictionary, Robins said, “Madam, I’ll give five pounds to any charitable society you like to name if you can find me a word I have not used.” Mrs Macauley might have taken him at his word, and would doubtless have won the money, but the lady we speak of declined the contest. There is not much in this, except as showing to what an extent his powers of description led him. Having given one of his sayings, we will conclude with an item from his doings, a description of the villa and garden of W. Harrison, Esq., Q.C. We trust we shall cause no one to be discontented with his or her present abode by giving this description--rather do we hope that one of the new race of picturesque reporters may be tempted by it to study under Robins, and thereby improve his condition:--

In attempting an adequate representation of what has been aptly
termed
=A LITTLE HEAVEN UPON EARTH=,

Much of the difficulty Mr. ROBINS feared to encounter he is happily
relieved from by the extraordinary renown which the late worthy
possessor has imparted to this incomparable retreat.

“Thus far we sail before the wind,”

Exclaims the individual who is flattered by having been selected for
this interesting Sale, but fear and trembling now succeeds in
encountering the Herculean task of pourtraying the countless beauties
that are congregated

=Within the Grounds of this Elysium=.

It would puzzle much higher talent than he can bring, adequately to
describe this Landscape, but it must be attempted; and Mr. ROBINS
prays that the reader will bear with him a little longer, under the
assurance that condensity shall be his motto, at the same time
avoiding that cloudy region entered by the witty Flaccus, who,

“Aiming at brevity became obscure.”

_THE GROUNDS_

Extend to near Five Acres, and the extraordinary tact that must have
presided in arriving at this scene of perfection, must be viewed, it
must be seen to feel and appreciate what seems to partake of Fairy
Land. Mr. LOUDON has indulged the public with Twenty-two Vignettes and
Plans to hand down to posterity a faint idea of

=The Velvet Ornamental lawn=,

On which is congregated the most rare and extensive assemblage of
Plants and flowering Shrubs that is to be met with in England.

From all

THE FLORICULTURAL EXHIBITIONS

The treasures were quite sure to find a home at Cheshunt, indeed the
late Proprietor’s judgment in the Cultivation of Rare and Valuable
Plants was quite unique, and his Gardener, Mr. PRATT, a prototype of
his employer. It would fatigue the reader to give in detail the host
of Rare Plants that adorn these Grounds, the value of which is past
belief--more than a Thousand Pounds have been consumed alone in rare
Exotics; the masses of Growing Plants, the French Garden, and all this
(by the way) is relieved and varied by

=THE ORNAMENTAL WATERS AND ISLAND=,

Varying and necessarily improving this beauteous scene. Perpetual
breaks and peeps are contrived, by different views, to look on the
Waters, in which Thousands of Gold and Silver Fish enjoy their
“sportive gambols.” Correct judgment is made very manifest in the
disposition of these Grounds, by avoiding the whole being seen, except
by slow degrees. Then there are dispersedly dotted about throughout
the Lawn--The Rustic Alcoves, the Chinese Temple, Grottos, and covered
Seats, Orchidaceus and Fern Houses, and Aviary.

A Mount is devoted to the Show of Aloes during the Summer, rendering
the _ensemble_ most captivating; a Hermit’s Cave, covered with Ivy; a
Gravel Walk, belted by American Borders of Rare Plants; a beautiful
Grotto, adorned by a fine piece of Statuary; a Rustic Summer House,
fitted up in the Indian style; a smaller Grotto, fitted in Stone, of
grotesque and rustic masonry; in fact, everything that sagacity or the
human mind could well conceive, seems to have been achieved here, to
render this spot

=A PERFECT PARADISE.=

From the Terrace Walk that environs it, a perpetually interesting
scene of the Lawn, in varied forms of beauty (the Church Steeple
peeping out in the distance, to vary the scene) is disclosed, and is
so ingeniously and cleverly managed that the deciduous Trees, during
the Summer, afford constant protection from the heat of the sun, and
during the Winter (being then naked) admit the genial warmth of the
sun to keep dry the Gravel Walks.

From the canny North Country we get two bills, the first of which is likely to shake the belief of those who imagine that swindlers and impostors have little chance in the border counties, where the babies are said to be born with their wisdom teeth ready cut, and to “know their way about” before they are out of leading-strings. J. A. was fully possessed of his share of artfulness, and though his name has not come down to us, it being just the same in the bill as here printed, his initials were well known some years back, and his practice was very successful:--

THE WHOLE ART OF FORTUNE-TELLING,
BY J----n A----k, BARTON.

* * * * *

_Deep in the dismal Regions, void of Light,
Three Witches, for Consultation, meet to Night;
So, sacred Sisters, your secret Mysteries state,
The Witches leaders, and their great Powers relate._

* * * * *

WHO begs most respectfully to acquaint his Friends that he has, for
the Benefit of the Public, commenced the above Business; and, from the
long Time he had studied under the different Masters of the Magical
Mysteries in the present Age, also, in all the ancient and modern
Books, in Astrology, Nicromancy, Divinations, and all the magical
Charms, Spells, Rites, Enchantments, and hidden Mysteries in past and
future Events, flatters himself that he has become Proficient in his
Art.

Hail, Medea, hail! if still he scorn the Spell,
By Fate, I’ll force him to the Gates of Hell!
Such potent Sorceries an Assyrian taught,
As to a magic Charm the Drugs he wrought.

J. A. can break any Charm caused by Enchantment; can also immediately
name the Planet under which a Person is born; and will also inform any
Person whether he or she will be married, and to whom; and can inform
all married Men, to their Satisfaction, in all the secret Transactions
which they may suppose to have taken place with their Wives; can also
conjure back any stolen Goods, and bewitch any Person or Animal who
has done any one an Injury, &c. &c.

Hail, Hecate! and give my rising Spell
Ev’n Appollonius’s Sorceries to excel:
Bid my strong Witchery match ev’n Circe’s Skill,
O’er the dire Rites,--my Mysteries fulfil.

J. A. also begs to add that he has not spared any Expence to make
himself Master of all the magical Mysteries, and is confident of his
own Abilities in being able to give every Satisfaction to those who
may favour him with a Consultation will meet with due Attention, but
their Letters must be post-paid, inclosing a Post-office Order for 5s.
The Age of the Applicant must be stated. Persons attending will be
charged 2s. only. J. A. is also a Dealer in Talismanick Charms,
engraved with magical Characters, 10s. 6d. each.

A man who commences a sorcery business for the benefit of the public deserves to succeed, especially when he can break any charm caused by enchantment, conjure back stolen goods, and so play the avenger’s part as to bewitch any person or animal who has done any one an injury. It is a pity J. A. did not get some of his mysterious agents to put his lines a little in order. The other is a Tyneside advertisement, and shows also a partiality for verse--indeed consists of nothing else, if we except the name and address; but its theme is far more material than that of its companion. Unlike in the case of the publican of Wych Street, we will not assume that Mr Catcheside employed any one over the following effusion, of which he is welcome to all the credit:--

JOHN CATCHESIDE,
GROCER & TEA-DEALER,
BIGG-MARKET,
_NEWCASTLE_.

YE gentlemen of town and country,
A shop, next door to Whitfield’s entry,
Is just fit up for your inspection,
By Mr Catcheside’s direction;
Good ladies, too, I crave your favours,--
To please you shall be my endeavours.
Without the fairer sex are pleas’d,
The mind of man is never eas’d.
But ladies, pray, and gentlemen,
Call, and I’ll please you if I can.
I’ve Teas of all sorts you can mention--
To keep them good is my intention:
All from the India-house direct,
Warranted genuine you may expect;
Which I do sell on lowest terms,
And not as gentlemen let farms;
I’ve Sugars too, the same to sweeten,
As good as ever yet were eaten;
Loaves, well refin’d as ’ere you saw,
Which boiling water scarce will thaw.
I’ve Treacle, Juice, and Sugar-Candy,
And Turkey Coffee strong as brandy;
The very best Plantation ditto,
With Fry’s and White’s best Patent Cocoa,
And Churchman’s Patent Chocolate,--
All which I sell at a low rate.
I’ve fine Tobacco, Patent Shag,
Twist, Saffron Cut, and Common Rag;
And Snuff, whatever kind you choose,
To clear your brain, and warm your nose;
Zant Currants, commonly call’d Spice,
Orange and Lemon Peel, and Rice;
Malaga Raisins, too, I sell,
With Bloom, and Sun, and Muscatell,
With which you well may stuff your wigs;
Or here’s French Plumbs, or Turkey Figs;
Or Prunes, if you do think them fitter,
With Almonds, Jordan, Shell, and Bitter;
Nutmegs, Cloves, Cinnamon, and Mace,
Good as you’ll get at any place;
Season your syllabubs and custards;
For beef, I’ve Vinegar and Mustards.
All kinds of Pepper, too, I’ll sell ye,
Macaroni and Vermacelli;
Anchovies, Cassia, and Cassia-buds,
And many other sorts of goods,
Prepar’d for puddings, pies, and sauces:--
Come, buy them cheap, ye bonny lasses!
And if your birds for seeds do gape,
I have Canary, Hemp, and Rape;
And further down you need not wander
For Annis, Carraway, and Coriander;
Of Ginger, too, I’m never scant,
For any purpose you may want.
I’ve Sago fine, and Capers both,
And famous Barley for your broth!
Salt Petre, Bay and Basket Salt,
To make your hams without a fault;
With Picked Isinglass and Staple,
To make your ale fit for the table:--
Then what can man desire more,
Than beef, and broth, and ale in store?
But dinner’s done; come, draw the table,
Here’s Soap to wash while you are able;
But if you think that will not do,
Here’s Poland Starch and Powder Blue;
And if you’d have some coarser washes,
I have good Pearl and Comby Ashes;
Should you incline to wash by night,
I’ve Candles, too, will shew you light.
To spin dry wool you need not toil,
I’ve plenty Whale and Florence Oil.
Set by your wheels, your tongs, and poker
And paint your nooks with Yellow Ochre.
Put all your dye-pots to one side,
When with fresh Indigo supplied;
Then paint above your lintel-head
And chimney-pieces with Black-Lead.
If still materials you do lack,
I’ve Fuller’s Earth and Ivory Black,
Logwood, Copperas, and Whiting,
Yea many more things not worth writing.
Once more your favours I solicit,
I’m ready waiting for a visit;
Most due attendance will be given
From seven at morn till eight at even;
Or later, if it seems expedient,
By your most humble and obedient,

JOHN CATCHESIDE.

Getting back to London, we come upon a bill of the kind now and then adopted with regard to posters, the idea in which is to convey a different notion at sight from that which is given by close inspection. In the following the plan has been carried out with great nicety, the author’s endeavour being to make the notice look like a Government proclamation, and as one of the best specimens of the kind we have ever seen it is presented to the reader:--

_PROCLAMATION!_

^Whereas^,

It being Our Royal Will and Pleasure that our well-beloved, trusty and
loyal subject HARRY JOHNSON, should for the Amusement of our
well-beloved, trusty and loyal subjects of Hoxton and its Vicinity,
give a grand entertainment on ASH WEDNESDAY, the 9th of February,
1842, for the BENEFIT of Himself, when he trusts from the Talent he
has selected on this occasion, and the well-known respectability and
celebrity of all parties, he cannot fail of securing a TREAT

TO THE
_=British Public=_.

H. J. feels proud and happy to announce that many Professional Friends
have, in the most handsome manner, proffered their valuable Services:
they are enabled to do this with greater facility as no other Place of
Amusement in London is open on that Evening. Their Names will
transpire in future bills. Miss PHILLIPS will on this night sing, in
her usual sweet and inimitable style,

_WANTED_

=A GOVERNESS=

The Beneficiare will also sing,

FOR THE

First time, the Young

=PRINCE OF WALES=.

A Gentleman has kindly consented on this occasion to sing an Entire
New Comic Song, to be called “Comfort is all my View; or

SALARY

Is no object!!” Mr. H. PARKER will also sing his much admired ballad
of Had I

=£1,000 A-YEAR!!!=

A Lady will sing

NO FOLLOWERS ALLOWED.

ALL APPLICATIONS TO BE MADE (FOR TICKETS) ON OR BEFORE

ASH WEDNESDAY, FEBRU. 9, 1842,

AT THE OFFICE

ROYAL BRITANNIA SALOON, HOXTON OLD TOWN.

=_The Ceremony of_ IN-STALL-ING _to commence
at Half Past_ SIX _o’clock Precisely_.=

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!

The attention of readers will probably be attracted by the advertisement so elaborately concocted and carefully worked out. If its promoters received any extra support because of it, they certainly deserved what they got, as the plan is difficult to connect with any but large bills. The next item we have brings us to the year 1853, and is again from the county of Northumberland. It is far more pretentious than the composition of Mr John Catcheside, but by no means so successful. It is from the pen of a general shopkeeper, who evidently considered he had done something when he had been through his proofs, seen this to press, and forwarded copies to unsuspecting, and, as it turned out, unsympathising, families about G----, a small place not very far from Newcastle:--

_To the inhabitants of G---- and its neighbourhood._

The present age is teeming with advantages which no preceding era in
the history of mankind has afforded to the human family. New schemes
are projecting to enlighten and extend civilisation, Railways have
been projected and carried out by an enterprising and spirited nation,
while Science in its gigantic power (simple yet sublime) affords to
the human mind so many facilities to explore its rich resources, the
Seasons roll on in their usual course producing light and heat, the
vivifying rays of the sun and the fructifying influences of nature
producing food and happiness to the Sons of Toil, while to the people
of G---- and its neighbourhood a rich and extensive variety of
Fashionable Goods is to be found in my Warehouse, which have just been
selected with the greatest care. The earliest visit is requested to
convey to the mind an adequate idea of the great extent of his
purchases, comprising, as it does, all that is elegant and useful,
cheap and substantial to the light-hearted votaries of Matrimony, the
Matrons of Reflection, the Man of Industry, and the Disconsolate
Victims of Bereavement.

This composition having been printed and distributed, the author waited impatiently for its powerful effect, and when to his great astonishment he discovered that it had produced none, he, with the irritability that nearly always accompanies neglected genius, resolved to get back and destroy every copy of his essay, and thereby deny to posterity what his own generation could not appreciate. Fortunately for ourselves, and for ages yet unborn, a copy was preserved, and printed in _Notes and Queries_.

Most dwellers for any time in London remember Lord Chief Baron Nicholson and his Judge and Jury Society, which used to be held at the Coal Hole in the Strand. Virtuous readers may shudder at the mention of such a place; but time was when the deliberations and decisions of the jury, as well as the directions of the judge and the peculiarities of the witnesses, were productive of mirth independent of _double entendre_ among an audience composed of anything but roysterers and howling cads. In such halcyon days, when Nicholson was in the flesh, looking much more like a chief baron than nine-tenths of the possessors of the title ever did, the following handbill was printed:--

The Lord Chief Baron

NICHOLSON

Begs to inform his best friends, the Public, that he and the learned
Gentlemen of the JUDGE AND JURY SOCIETY, have left the Garrick’s Head
in Bow Street, and now hold their Forensic Sittings at the celebrated
COAL HOLE TAVERN, Fountain Court, Strand, every Evening.

A JUDGE!--and in a Coal Hole too!
Quoth rustic John, I can’t believe thee.
That sounds too funny to be true,
Come NICHOLSON, now don’t deceive me.

I wont deceive thee in the path,
So at the ancient Coal Hole meet me,
BLACKSTONE and COKE burn on the hearth,
And LAW flares up, my lad, to greet thee.

DO NOT FORGET TO REMEMBER
THE COAL HOLE
IN THE STRAND.

Law was the proprietor of the establishment, and he “flared up” to some tune, so far as the production of suppers required flaring. And suppers were both numerous and excellent at the Coal Hole; the stewed or scalloped oyster, the devilled kidney, the broiled bone, and the modest “rabbit” receiving considerable attention during the progress of the mock trials. Subsequently the Coal Hole became a resort for journalists and actors, who used to be admitted to a snug old room behind the bar; but all that is changed now, an ambitious landlord having modernised the place and driven forth its old _habitués_. Not by violence or through incivility, but by means of plate-glass, electro tankards, and other goods, the unwonted and unwelcome aspect of which has made wanderers of the old warm-hearted coterie. Why will people “restore” and improve the few comfortable old taverns still left about London, and drive honest folk from the snug and unpretending corners they have occupied for years? This same restoration is shortsighted and impolitic. The houses become nondescript; they are too modern, and perhaps too respectable, for the old customers, not glaring and gassy enough for the new; and so they stand, with just sufficient about them to remind us of the joys that are past, and not enough to tempt us to renew them in the future.

Turning from taverns, coal-holey and otherwise, we have finally to notice that kind of advertising which is the result of an attempt to make profit out of others’ misfortunes. At the time, but a very few years back, of the Overend and Gurney failure, an enterprising linen-draper in the North-West district of London put forth the following handbill (p. 555), which was of large size, surrounded by a thick black mourning border, and which, in addition to being given away, was sent about by post. For reasons which are obvious, we have changed the names, and have no hesitation in giving an opinion that the proceeding was a very sharp bit of business, worthy of the hero of the wooden nutmegs.

It was followed by a long list of the goods to be sold, with the market prices and those at which they were offered, the practice of making up two sets of figures on goods having been found very efficacious of late years. This brings us well up to the present time, and as that is quite capable of taking care of itself without any assistance from us, we will conclude, in the hope that, though we have perforce passed many interesting specimens by, our selection, considering the space at command, has not been in any way injudicious.

The Overend Gurney & Co. Disaster.

LAMENTABLE CASE OF RUIN AND DEATH.

=THE “STANDARD” of the 29th ultimo, truly observes--=

“=Difficult indeed would it be to exaggerate the extent of the
mischief that was done by the fall of the great house which had for
generations stood firm as a rock * * * * nor would it be easy to
adequately describe the woe and desolation, the loss and ruin,
consequent upon the suspension and disastrous liquidation of the
Company.=”

A more distressing case than the one in question it is impossible to
conceive.--It is briefly told.--An old-established Linen Draper of the
City of London, (Mr. JOB HUCKABACK), had invested the Savings of a
life-time in the Overend Gurney Scheme. The result is known. Still his
Business remained, and he might have struggled on, but further calls
being imminent, his last hope was crushed, so, Bankrupt and
broken-hearted, he died,--leaving a wife and five young children to
the mercy of fate.--

The Trade Creditors have done what they can by waiving all claims upon
the Estate, and have generously resolved that the Stock shall be sold
for the benefit of the Widow and Children.

THE STOCK, WHICH IS HIGHLY CHOICE AND
VALUABLE, HAS BEEN ENTRUSTED TO

=MR. CHARLES MARTEL=,

With prompt Orders TO REALISE AT ONCE ON
ANY TERMS.

THE FIRST GRAND SALE OF SELECTED GOODS WILL BE
HELD IN THE
Large Assembly Room of the ---- Hotel, N.W.
(☞ Ladies may avoid passing through the Hotel, by presenting
enclosed Card to Messenger at Private Door.)

On Monday, 1st, Tuesday, 2nd, Wednesday, 3rd,
and Thursday, 4th March,
From Ten a.m. till Dusk each Day, closing on Thursday, at 5 p.m.,
prompt, _not a minute later_.

The Sale will be by Private Treaty, thus affording Ladies leisure to
freely inspect. Although prices are quoted as a guide, NO OFFER WILL
BE REJECTED, AS EVERYTHING MUST BE SOLD IN THE BRIEF TIME SPECIFIED.