Chapter XCI: Book I: of his Epistles; showing how it would read in the customary (6)

Indeed if I may speak my Opinion of great part of the Writings which once prevail'd among us under the Notion of Humour, they are such as would tempt one to think there had been an Association among the Wits of those times to rally Legitimacy out of our Island. A State of Wedlock was the common Mark for all the Adventurers in Farce and Comedy, as well as the Essayers in Lampoon and Satyr, to shoot at, and nothing was a more standing Jest in all Clubs of fashionable Mirth, and gay Conversation. It was determined among those airy Criticks, that the Appellation of a _Sober Man_ should signify a _Spiritless Fellow_. And I am apt to think it was about the same Time, that _Good-Nature_, a Word so peculiarly elegant in our Language that some have affirmed it cannot well be expressed in any other, came first to be render'd suspicious, and in danger of being transferred from its original Sense to so distant an Idea as that of _Folly_.

I must confess it has been my Ambition, in the course of my Writings, to restore, as well as I was able, the proper Ideas of things. And as I have attempted this already on the Subject of Marriage, in several Papers, I shall here add some further Observations which occur to me on the same Head. Nothing seems to be thought, by our fine Gentlemen, so indispensable an Ornament in fashionable Life, as Love. _A Knight Errant_, says _Don Quixot, without a Mistress, is like a Tree without Leaves;_ and a Man of Mode among us, who has not some Fair One to sigh for, might as well pretend to appear dressed, without his Periwig. We have Lovers in Prose innumerable. All our Pretenders to Rhyme are professed Inamorato's; and there is scarce a Poet, good or bad, to be heard of, who has not some real or supposed _Sacharissa_ to improve his Vein.

If Love be any Refinement, _Conjugal Love_ must be certainly so in a much higher Degree. There is no comparison between the frivolous Affectation of attracting the Eyes of Women with whom you are only captivated by Way of Amusement, and of whom perhaps you know nothing more than their Features, and a regular and uniform Endeavour to make your self valuable, both as a Friend and Lover, to one whom you have chosen to be the Companion of your Life. The first is the Spring of a thousand Fopperies, silly Artifices, Falshoods, and perhaps Barbarities; or at best arises no higher than to a kind of Dancing-School Breeding, to give the Person a more sparkling Air. The latter is the Parent of substantial Virtues and agreeable Qualities, and cultivates the Mind while it improves the Behaviour. The Passion of Love to a Mistress, even where it is most sincere, resembles too much the Flame of a Fever; that to a Wife is like the Vital Heat.

I have often thought, if the Letters written by Men of Goodnature to their Wives, were to be compared with those written by Men of Gallantry to their Mistresses, the former, notwithstanding any Inequality of Style, would appear to have the Advantage. Friendship, Tenderness and Constancy, drest in a Simplicity of Expression, recommend themselves by a more native Elegance, than passionate Raptures, extravagant Encomiums, and slavish Adoration. If we were admitted to search the Cabinet of the beautiful _Narcissa_, among Heaps of Epistles from several Admirers, which are there preserv'd with equal Care, how few should we find but would make any one Sick in the Reading, except her who is flattered by them? But in how different a Style must the wise _Benevolus_, who converses with that good Sense and good Humour among all his Friends, write to a Wife who is the worthy Object of his utmost Affection? _Benevolus_, both in Publick and Private, on all Occasions of Life, appears to have every good Quality and desirable Ornament. Abroad he is reverenced and esteemed; at home beloved and happy. The Satisfaction he enjoys there, settles into an habitual Complacency, which shines in his Countenance, enlivens his Wit, and seasons his Conversation: Even those of his Acquaintance, who have never seen him in his Retirement, are Sharers in the Happiness of it; and it is very much owing to his being the best and best beloved of Husbands, that he is the most stedfast of Friends, and the most agreeable of Companions.

There is a sensible Pleasure in contemplating such beautiful Instances of Domestick Life. The Happiness of the Conjugal State appears heighten'd to the highest degree it is capable of, when we see two Persons of accomplished Minds, not only united in the same Interests and Affections, but in their Taste of the same Improvements, Pleasures and Diversions. _Pliny_, one of the finest Gentlemen, and politest Writers of the Age in which he lived, has left us, in his Letter to _Hispulla_, his Wife's Aunt, one of the most agreeable Family-Pieces of this Kind I have ever met with. I shall end this Discourse with a Translation of it; and I believe the Reader will be of my opinion, that _Conjugal Love_ is drawn in it with a Delicacy which makes it appear to be, as I have represented it, an Ornament as well as a Virtue.

PLINY _to_ HISPULLA. [2]

'As I remember the great Affection which was between you and your
excellent Brother, and know you love his Daughter as your own, so as
not only to express the Tenderness of the best of Aunts, but even to
supply that of the best of Fathers; I am sure it will be a pleasure to
you to hear that she proves worthy of her Father, worthy of you, and
of your Ancestors. Her Ingenuity is admirable; her Frugality
extraordinary. She loves me, the surest Pledge of her Virtue; and adds
to this a wonderful Disposition to Learning, which she has acquir'd
from her Affection to me. She reads my Writings, studies them, and
even gets them by heart. You'd smile to see the Concern she is in when
I have a Cause to plead, and the Joy she shews when it is over. She
finds means to have the first News brought her of the Success I meet
with in Court, how I am heard, and what Decree is made. If I recite
any thing in publick, she cannot refrain from placing her self
privately in some Corner to hear, where with the utmost delight she
feasts upon my Applauses. Sometimes she sings my Verses, and
accompanies them with the Lute, without any Master, except Love, the
best of Instructors. From these Instances I take the most certain
Omens of our perpetual and encreasing Happiness; since our Affection
is not founded on my Youth and Person, which must gradually decay, but
she is in love with the immortal Part of me, my Glory and Reputation.
Nor indeed could less be expected from one who had the Happiness to
receive her Education from you, who in your House was accustomed to
every thing that was virtuous and decent, and even began to love me by
your Recommendation. For, as you had always the greatest Respect for
my Mother, you were pleased from my Infancy to form me, to commend me,
and kindly to presage I should be one day what my Wife fancies I am.
Accept therefore our united Thanks; mine, that you have bestowed her
on me, and hers, that you have given me to her, as a mutual Grant of
Joy and Felicity.'

[Footnote 1: [scandalous]]

[Footnote 2: Bk iv. ep. 19.]

* * * * *

No. 526. Monday, November 3, 1712. Steele.

'--Fortius utere Loris.'

Ovid.

I am very loth to come to Extremities with the young Gentlemen mention'd in the following Letter, and do not care to chastise them with my own Hand, till I am forc'd by Provocations too great to be suffer'd without the absolute Destruction of my Spectatorial Dignity. The Crimes of these Offenders are placed under the Observation of one of my chief Officers, who is posted just at the entrance of the Pass between _London_ and _Westminster_. As I have great Confidence in the Capacity, Resolution and Integrity of the Person deputed by me to give an Account of Enormities, I doubt not but I shall soon have before me all proper Notices which are requisite for the Amendment of Manners in Publick, and the Instruction of each Individual of the Human Species in what is due from him, in respect to the whole Body of Mankind. The present Paper shall consist only of the above-mentioned Letter, and the Copy of a Deputation which I have given to my trusty Friend Mr. _John Sly_; wherein he is charged to notify to me all that is necessary for my Animadversion upon the Delinquents mentioned by my Correspondent, as well as all others described in the said Deputation.

_To the_ SPECTATOR-GENERAL _of_ Great Britain.

'I grant it does look a little familiar, but I must call you

_Dear Dumb_,

'Being got again to the farther End of the _Widow's_ Coffeehouse, I
shall from hence give you some account of the Behaviour of our
Hackney-Coachmen since my last. These indefatigable Gentlemen, without
the least Design, I dare say, of Self-Interest or Advantage to
themselves, do still ply as Volunteers Day and Night for the Good of
their Country. I will not trouble you with enumerating many
Particulars, but I must by no means omit to inform you of an Infant
about six foot high, and between twenty and thirty Years of Age, who
was seen in the Arms of a Hackney Coach-man driving by _Will's_
Coffee-house in _Covent-Garden_, between the Hours of four and five in
the Afternoon of that very Day, wherein you publish'd a Memorial
against them. This impudent young Cur, tho' he could not sit in a
Coach-box without holding, yet would he venture his Neck to bid
defiance to your Spectatorial Authority, or to any thing that you
countenanced. Who he was I know not, but I heard this Relation this
Morning from a Gentleman who was an Eye-Witness of this his Impudence;
and I was willing to take the first opportunity to inform you of him,
as holding it extremely requisite that you should nip him in the Bud.
But I am my self most concerned for my Fellow-Templers,
Fellow-Students, and Fellow-Labourers in the Law, I mean such of them
as are dignified and distinguish'd under the Denomination of
Hackney-Coachmen. Such aspiring Minds have these ambitious young Men,
that they cannot enjoy themselves out of a Coach-Box. It is however an
unspeakable Comfort to me, that I can now tell you, that some of them
are grown so bashful as to study only in the Nighttime, or in the
Country. The other Night I spied one of our young Gentlemen very
diligent at his Lucubrations in _Fleet-Street_; and by the way, I
should be under some concern, lest this hard Student should one time
or other crack his Brain with studying, but that I am in hopes Nature
has taken care to fortify him in proportion to the great Undertakings
he was design'd for. Another of my Fellow-Templers, on _Thursday_
last, was getting up into his Study at the Bottom of _Grays-Inn-Lane_,
in order, I suppose, to contemplate in the fresh Air. Now, Sir, my
Request is, that the great Modesty of these two Gentlemen may be
recorded as a Pattern to the rest; and if you would but give them two
or three Touches with your own Pen, tho' you might not perhaps prevail
with them to desist entirely from their Meditations, yet I doubt not
but you would at least preserve them from being publick Spectacles of
Folly in our Streets. I say, two or three Touches with your own Pen;
for I have really observed, Mr. SPEC, that those _Spectators_ which
are so prettily laced down the sides with little c's, how instructive
soever they may be, do not carry with them that Authority as the
others. I do again therefore desire, that for the sake of their dear
Necks, you will bestow one Penful of your own Ink upon them. I know
you are loth to expose them; and it is, I must confess, a thousand
Pities that any young Gentleman, who is come of honest Parents, should
be brought to publick Shame: And indeed I should be glad to have them
handled a little tenderly at the first; but if fair means will not
prevail, there is then no other Way to reclaim them, but by making use
of some wholesome Severities; and I think it is better that a Dozen or
two of such good-for-nothing Fellows should be made Examples of, than
that the Reputation of some Hundreds of as hopeful young Gentlemen as
my self should suffer thro' their Folly. It is not, however, for me to
direct you what to do; but, in short, if our Coachmen will drive on
this Trade, the very first of them that I do find meditating in the
Street, I shall make Bold to take the Number of his Chambers, together
with a Note of his Name, and dispatch them to you, that you may
chastise him at your own Discretion.

I am, Dear SPEC.
For ever Yours,
Moses Greenbag,
Esq., if you please.

P. S. '_Tom Hammercloth_, one of our Coachmen, is now pleading at the
Bar at the other end of the Room, but has a little too much Vehemence,
and throws out his Arms too much to take his Audience with a good
Grace.

_To my Loving and Well-beloved_ John Sly, _Haberdasher of Hats and Tobacconist, between the Cities of_ London _and _Westminster.

Whereas frequent Disorders, Affronts, Indignities, Omissions, and Trespasses, for which there are no Remedies by any Form of Law, but which apparently disturb and disquiet the Minds of Men, happen near the Place of your Residence; and that you are, as well by your commodious Situation as the good Parts with which you are endowed, properly qualified for the Observation of the said Offences; I do hereby authorize and depute you from the hours of Nine in the Morning, till Four in the Afternoon, to keep a strict Eye upon all Persons and Things that are convey'd in Coaches, carried in Carts, or walk on Foot from the City of _London_ to the City of _Westminster_, or from the City of _Westminster_ to the City of _London_, within the said Hours. You are therefore not to depart from your Observatory at the end of _Devereux-Court_ during the said space of each Day; but to observe the Behaviour of all Persons who are suddenly transported from stamping on Pebbles to sit at ease in Chariots, what Notice they take of their Foot-Acquaintance, and send me the speediest Advice, when they are guilty of overlooking, turning from, or appearing grave and distant to their old Friends. When Man and Wife are in the same Coach, you are to see whether they appear pleased or tired with each other, and whether they carry the due Mein in the Eye of the World between Fondness and Coldness. You are carefully to behold all such as shall have Addition of Honour or Riches, and Report whether they preserve the Countenance they had before such Addition. As to Persons on Foot, you are to be attentive whether they are pleased with their Condition, and are dress'd suitable to it; but especially to distinguish such as appear discreet, by a low-heel Shoe, with the decent Ornament of a Leather-Garter: To write down the Name of such Country Gentlemen as, upon the Approach of Peace, have left the Hunting for the Military Cock of the Hat: Of all who strut, make a Noise, and swear at the Drivers of Coaches to make haste, when they see it impossible they should pass: Of all young Gentlemen in Coach-boxes, who labour at a Perfection in what they are sure to be excelled by the meanest of the People. You are to do all that in you lies that Coaches and Passengers give way according to the Course of Business, all the Morning in Term-Time towards _Westminster_, the rest of the Year towards the _Exchange_. Upon these Directions, together with other secret Articles herein inclosed, you are to govern your self, and give Advertisement thereof to me at all convenient and spectatorial Hours, when Men of Business are to be seen. Hereof you are not to fail. Given under my Seal of Office.

_The_ SPECTATOR.

T.

* * * * *

No. 527. Tuesday, November 4, 1712.

'Facile invenies, et pejorem, et pejus moratam,
Meliorem neque tu reperes, neque sol videt.'

Plautus in Sticho.

I am so tender of my Women-Readers, that I cannot defer the Publication of any thing which concerns their Happiness or Quiet. The Repose of a married Woman is consulted in the first of the following Letters, and the Felicity of a Maiden Lady in the second. I call it a Felicity to have the Addresses of an agreeable Man: and I think I have not any where seen a prettier Application of a Poetical Story than that of his, in making the Tale of _Cephalus_ and _Procris_ the History-Picture of a Fan in so gallant a manner as he addresses it. [1] But see the Letters.

_Mr_. SPECTATOR,

'Tis now almost three months since I was in Town about some Business;
and the Hurry of it being over, took Coach one Afternoon, and drove to
see a Relation, who married about six Years ago a wealthy Citizen. I
found her at home, but her Husband gone to the _Exchange_, and
expected back within an Hour at the farthest. After the usual
Salutations of Kindness, and a hundred Questions about Friends in the
Country, we sat down to Piquet, played two or three Games, and drank
Tea. I should have told you that this was my second time of seeing her
since Marriage, but before she lived at the same Town where I went to
School; so that the Plea of a Relation, added to the Innocence of my
Youth, prevailed upon her good Humour to indulge me in a Freedom of
Conversation as often, and oftner, than the strict Discipline of the
School would allow of. You may easily imagine after such an
Acquaintance we might be exceeding merry without any Offence, as in
calling to mind how many Inventions I had been put to in deluding the
Master, how many Hands forged for Excuses, how many times been sick in
perfect Health; for I was then never sick but at School, and only then
because out of her Company. We had whiled away three Hours after this
manner, when I found it past Five; and not expecting her Husband would
return till late, rose up, told her I should go early next Morning for
the Country: She kindly answered she was afraid it would be long
before she saw me again; so I took my leave and parted. Now, Sir, I
had not been got home a Fortnight, when I received a Letter from a
Neighbour of theirs, that ever since that fatal Afternoon the Lady had
been most inhumanly treated, and the Husband publickly stormed that he
was made a Member of too numerous a Society. He had, it seems,
listened most of the time my Cousin and I were together. As jealous
Ears always hear double, so he heard enough to make him mad; and as
jealous Eyes always see thro' Magnifying Glasses, so he was certain it
could not be I whom he had seen, a beardless Stripling, but fancied he
saw a gay Gentleman of the _Temple_, ten Years older than my self; and
for that reason, I presume, durst not come in, nor take any Notice
when I went out. He is perpetually asking his Wife if she does not
think the time long (as she said she should) till she see her Cousin
again. Pray, Sir, what can be done in this Case? I have writ to him to
assure him I was at his House all that afternoon expecting to see him:
His Answer is, 'tis only a Trick of hers, and that he neither can nor
will believe me. The parting Kiss I find mightily nettles him, and
confirms him in all his Errors. _Ben. Johnson_, as I remember, makes a
Foreigner in one of his Comedies, _admire the desperate Valour of the
bold_ English, _who let out their Wives to all Encounters_. The
general Custom of Salutation should Excuse the Favour done me, or you
should lay down Rules when such Distinctions are to be given or
omitted. You cannot imagine, Sir, how troubled I am for this unhappy
Lady's Misfortune; and beg you would insert this Letter, that the
Husband may reflect upon this Accident coolly. It is no small Matter,
the Ease of a virtuous Woman for her whole Life: I know she will
conform to any Regularities (tho' more strict than the common Rules of
our Country require) to which his particular Temper shall incline him
to oblige her. This Accident puts me in mind how generously
_Pisistratus_ the _Athenian_ Tyrant behaved himself on a like
Occasion, when he was instigated by his Wife to put to death a young
Gentleman, because being passionately fond of his Daughter, he kissed
her in publick as he met her in the Street; _What_ (says he) _shall we
do to those who are our Enemies, if we do thus to those who are our
Friends_? I will not trouble you much longer, but am exceedingly
concern'd lest this Accident may cause a virtuous Lady to lead a
miserable Life with a Husband, who has no Grounds for his Jealousy but
what I have faithfully related, and ought to be reckon'd none. 'Tis to
be fear'd too, if at last he sees his Mistake, yet People will be as
slow and unwilling in disbelieving Scandal as they are quick and
forward in believing it. I shall endeavour to enliven this plain
honest Letter, with _Ovid's_ Relation about _Cybele's_ Image. The Ship
wherein it was aboard was stranded at the mouth of the _Tyber_, and
the Men were unable to move it, till _Claudia_, a Virgin, but
suspected of Unchastity, by a slight Pull hawled it in. The Story is
told in the fourth Book of the _Fasti_.

'Parent of Gods, began the weeping Fair,
Reward or punish, but oh! hear my Pray'r.
If Lewdness e'er defil'd my Virgin Bloom,
From Heav'n with Justice I receive my Doom;
But if my Honour yet has known no Stain,
Thou, Goddess, thou my Innocence maintain;
Thou, whom the nicest Rules of Goodness sway'd,
Vouchsafe to follow an unblemish'd Maid.
She spoke, and touch'd the Cord with glad Surprize,
(The truth was witness'd by ten thousand Eyes)
The pitying Goddess easily comply'd,
Follow'd in triumph, and adorn'd her Guide;
While_ Claudia, _blushing still far past Disgrace,
March'd silent on with a slow solemn Pace:
Nor yet from some was all Distrust remov'd,
Tho' Heav'n such Virtue by such Wonders prov'd.'

I am, Sir,
Your very humble Servant,
_Philagnotes_.

_Mr_. SPECTATOR,

'You will oblige a languishing Lover, if you will please to print the
enclosed Verses in your next Paper. If you remember the
_Metamorphosis_, you know _Procris_, the fond Wife of _Cephalus_, is
said to have made her Husband, who delighted in the Sports of the
Wood, a Present of an unerring Javelin. In process of time he was so
much in the Forest, that his Lady suspected he was pursuing some
Nymph, under the pretence of following a Chace more innocent. Under
this Suspicion she hid herself among the Trees, to observe his
Motions. While she lay conceal'd, her Husband, tired with the Labour
of Hunting, came within her hearing. As he was fainting with Heat, he
cried out, _Aura veni; Oh charming Air approach_.

'The unfortunate Wife, taking the Word _Air_ to be the name of a
Woman, began to move among the Bushes; and the Husband believing it a
Deer, threw his Javelin and kill'd her. This History painted on a Fan,
which I presented to a Lady, gave occasion to my growing poetical.

'Come gentle Air! th'_ Æolian _Shepherd said,
While_ Procris _panted in the secret Shade;
Come gentle Air! the fairer_ Delia _cries,
While at her Feet her Swain expiring lies.
Lo the glad Gales o'er all her Beauties stray,
Breathe on her Lips, and in her Bosom play.
In_ Delia's _Hand this Toy is fatal found,
Nor did that fabled Dart more surely wound.
Both Gifts destructive to the Givers prove,
Alike both Lovers fall by those they love:
Yet guiltless too this bright Destroyer lives,
At random wounds, nor knows the Wound she gives.
She views the Story with attentive Eyes,
And pities_ Procris, _while her Lover dies.'

[Footnote 1: This second letter and the verses were from Pope.]

* * * * *

No. 528. Wednesday, November 5, 1712. Steele.

'Dum potuit solite gemitum virtute repressit.'

Ovid.

_Mr_. SPECTATOR,

'I who now write to you, am a Woman loaded with Injuries, and the
Aggravation of my Misfortune is, that they are such which are
overlooked by the Generality of Mankind, and tho' the most afflicting
imaginable, not regarded as such in the general Sense of the World. I
have hid my Vexation from all Mankind; but have now taken Pen, Ink,
and Paper, and am resolv'd to unbosom my self to you, and lay before
you what grieves me and all the Sex. You have very often mentioned
particular Hardships done to this or that Lady; but, methinks, you
have not in any one Speculation directly pointed at the partial
Freedom Men take, the unreasonable Confinement Women are obliged to,
in the only Circumstance in which we are necessarily to have a
Commerce with them, that of Love. The Case of Celibacy is the great
Evil of our Nation; and the Indulgence of the vicious Conduct of Men
in that State, with the Ridicule to which Women are exposed, though
ever so virtuous, if long unmarried, is the Root of the greatest
Irregularities of this Nation. To shew you, Sir, that tho' you never
have given us the Catalogue of a Lady's Library as you promised, we
read good Books of our own chusing, I shall insert on this occasion a
Paragraph or two out of _Echard's Roman History_. In the 44th Page of
the second Volume the Author observes, that _Augustus_, upon his
Return to _Rome_ at the end of a War, received Complaints that too
great a Number of the young Men of Quality were unmarried. The Emperor
thereupon assembled the whole _Equestrian_ Order; and having separated
the Married from the Single, did particular Honours to the former, but
he told the latter, that is to say, Mr. SPECTATOR, he told the
Batchelors,

"That their Lives and Actions had been so peculiar, that he knew not
by what Name to call 'em; not by that of Men, for they performed
nothing that was manly; not by that of Citizens, for the City might
perish notwithstanding their Care; nor by that of _Romans_, for they
designed to extirpate the _Roman_ Name."

Then proceeding to shew his tender Care and hearty Affection for his
People, he further told them,

"That their Course of Life was of such pernicious Consequence to the
Glory and Grandeur of the _Roman_ Nation, that he could not chuse
but tell them, that all other Crimes put together could not equalize
theirs: For they were guilty of Murder, in not suffering those to be
born which should proceed from them; of Impiety, in causing the
Names and Honours of their Ancestors to cease; and of Sacrilege, in
destroying their Kind, which proceeded from the immortal Gods, and
Human Nature, the principal thing consecrated to 'em: Therefore in
this Respect they dissolved the Government, in disobeying its Laws;
betrayed their Country, by making it barren and waste; nay and
demolished their City, in depriving it of Inhabitants. And he was
sensible that all this proceeded not from any kind of Virtue or
Abstinence, but from a Looseness and Wantonness, which ought never
to be encouraged in any Civil Government."

There are no Particulars dwelt upon that let us into the Conduct of
these young Worthies, whom this great Emperor treated with so much
Justice and Indignation; but any one who observes what passes in this
Town, may very well frame to himself a Notion of their Riots and
Debaucheries all Night, and their apparent Preparations for them all
Day. It is not to be doubted but these _Romans_ never passed any of
their Time innocently but when they were asleep, and never slept but
when they were weary and heavy with Excesses, and slept only to
prepare themselves for the Repetition of them. If you did your Duty as
a SPECTATOR, you would carefully examine into the Number of Births,
Marriages, and Burials; and when you had deducted out of your Deaths
all such as went out of the World without marrying, then cast up the
number of both Sexes born within such a Term of Years last past, you
might from the single People departed make some useful Inferences or
Guesses how many there are left unmarried, and raise some useful
Scheme for the Amendment of the Age in that particular. I have not
Patience to proceed gravely on this abominable Libertinism; for I
cannot but reflect, as I am writing to you, upon a certain lascivious
Manner which all our young Gentlemen use in publick, and examine our
Eyes with a Petulancy in their own, which is a downright Affront to
Modesty. A disdainful Look on such an Occasion is return'd with a
Countenance rebuked, but by averting their Eyes from the Woman of
Honour and Decency to some flippant Creature, who will, as the Phrase
is, be kinder. I must set down things as they come into my Head,
without standing upon Order. Ten thousand to one but the gay Gentleman
who stared, at the same time is an House-keeper; for you must know
they have got into a Humour of late of being very regular in their
Sins, and a young Fellow shall keep his four Maids and three Footmen
with the greatest Gravity imaginable. There are no less than six of
these venerable House-keepers of my Acquaintance. This Humour among
young Men of Condition is imitated by all the World below them, and a
general Dissolution of Manners arises from the one Source of
Libertinism, without Shame or Reprehension in the Male Youth. It is
from this one Fountain that so many Beautiful helpless young Women are
sacrific'd and given up to Lewdness, Shame, Poverty and Disease. It is
to this also that so many excellent young Women, who might be Patterns
of conjugal Affection and Parents of a worthy Race, pine under unhappy
Passions for such as have not Attention enough to observe, or Virtue
enough to prefer them to their common Wenches. Now, _Mr_. SPECTATOR, I
must be free to own to you, that I my self suffer a tasteless insipid
Being, from a Consideration I have for a Man who would not, as he has
said in my hearing, resign his Liberty, as he calls it, for all the
Beauty and Wealth the whole Sex is possessed of. Such Calamities as
these would not happen, if it could possibly be brought about, that by
fining Batchelors as Papists Convict, or the like, they were
distinguished to their disadvantage from the rest of the World, who
fall in with the Measures of Civil Society. Lest you should think I
speak this as being, according to the senseless rude Phrase, a
malicious old Maid, I shall acquaint you I am a Woman of Condition not
now three and twenty, and have had Proposals from at least ten
different Men, and the greater Number of them have upon the Upshot
refused me. Something or other is always amiss when the Lover takes to
some new Wench: A Settlement is easily excepted against; and there is
very little Recourse to avoid the vicious Part of our Youth, but
throwing one's self away upon some lifeless Blockhead, who tho' he is
without Vice, is also without Virtue. Now-a-days we must be contented
if we can get Creatures which are not bad, good are not to be
expected. Mr. SPECTATOR, I sat near you the other Day, and think I did
not displease you Spectatorial Eyesight; which I shall be a better
Judge of when I see whether you take notice of these Evils your own
way, or print this Memorial dictated from the disdainful heavy Heart
of,

_SIR_,

_Your most obedient humble Servant_,

Rachael Welladay.

T.

* * * * *

No. 529. Thursday, November 6, 1712. Addison.

'Singula quæque locum teneant sortita decenter.'

Hor.

Upon the hearing of several late Disputes concerning Rank and Precedence, I could not forbear amusing my self with some Observations, which I have made upon the Learned World, as to this great Particular. By the Learned World I here mean at large, all those who are any way concerned in Works of Literature, whether in the Writing, Printing or Repeating Part. To begin with the Writers; I have observed that the Author of a _Folio_, in all Companies and Conversations, sets himself above the Author of a _Quarto_; the Author of a _Quarto_ above the Author of an _Octavo_; and so on, by a gradual Descent and Subordination, to an Author in _Twenty Fours_. This Distinction is so well observed, that in an Assembly of the Learned, I have seen a _Folio_ Writer place himself in an Elbow-Chair, when the Author of a _Duo-decimo_ has, out of a just Deference to his superior Quality, seated himself upon a Squabb. In a word, Authors are usually ranged in Company after the same manner as their Works are upon a Shelf.

The most minute Pocket-Author hath beneath him the Writers of all Pamphlets, or Works that are only stitched. As for the Pamphleteer, he takes place of none but of the Authors of single Sheets, and of that Fraternity who publish their Labours on certain Days, or on every Day of the Week. I do not find that the Precedency among the Individuals, in this latter Class of Writers, is yet settled.

For my own part, I have had so strict a regard to the Ceremonial which prevails in the Learned World, that I never presumed to take place of a Pamphleteer till my daily Papers were gathered into those two first Volumes, which have already appeared. After which, I naturally jumped over the Heads not only of all Pamphleteers, but of every _Octavo_ Writer in _Great Britain_, that had written but one Book. I am also informed by my Bookseller, that six _Octavo's_ have at all times been look'd upon as an Equivalent to a _Folio_, which I take notice of the rather, because I would not have the Learned World surprized, if after the Publication of half a dozen Volumes I take my Place accordingly. When my scattered Forces are thus rallied, and reduced into regular Bodies, I flatter my self that I shall make no despicable Figure at the Head of them.

Whether these Rules, which have been received time out of Mind in the Common-Wealth of Letters, were not originally established with an Eye to our Paper Manufacture, I shall leave to the Discussion of others, and shall only remark further in this place, that all Printers and Booksellers take the Wall of one another, according to the abovementioned Merits of the Authors to whom they respectively belong.

I come now to that point of Precedency which is settled among the three Learned Professions, by the Wisdom of our Laws. I need not here take Notice of the Rank which is allotted to every Doctor in each of these Professions, who are all of them, though not so high as Knights, yet a Degree above Squires; this last Order of Men being the illiterate Body of the Nation, are consequently thrown together into a Class below the three Learned Professions. I mention this for the sake of several Rural 'Squires, whose Reading does not rise so high as to _the Present State of England_, and who are often apt to usurp that Precedency which by the Laws of their Country is not due to them. Their Want of Learning, which has planted them in this Station, may in some measure extenuate their Misdemeanour; and our Professors ought to pardon them when they offend in this Particular, considering that they are in a State of Ignorance, or, as we usually say, do not know their Right Hand from their Left.

There is another Tribe of Persons who are Retainers to the Learned World, and who regulate themselves upon all Occasions by several Laws peculiar to their Body. I mean the Players or Actors of both Sexes. Among these it is a standing and uncontroverted Principle, that a Tragedian always takes place of a Comedian; and 'tis very well known the merry Drolls who make us laugh are always placed at the lower End of the Table, and in every Entertainment give way to the Dignity of the Buskin. It is a Stage Maxim, _Once a King, and always a King_. For this Reason it would be thought very absurd in Mr. Bullock, notwithstanding the Height and Gracefulness of his Person, to sit at the Right Hand of an Hero, tho' he were but five Foot high. The same Distinction is observed among the Ladies of the Theatre. Queens and Heroines preserve their Rank in private Conversation, while those who are Waiting-Women and Maids of Honour upon the Stage, keep their Distance also behind the Scenes.

I shall only add, that by a Parity of Reason, all Writers of Tragedy look upon it as their due to be seated, served, or saluted before Comick Writers: Those who deal in Tragi-Comedy usually taking their Seats between the Authors of either Side. There has been a long Dispute for Precedency between the Tragick and Heroick Poets. _Aristotle_ would have the latter yield the _Pas_ to the former, but Mr. _Dryden_ and many others would never submit to this Decision. Burlesque Writers pay the same Deference to the Heroick, as Comick Writers to their Serious Brothers in the Drama.

By this short Table of Laws, Order is kept up, and Distinction preserved in the whole Republick of Letters.

O.

* * * * *

No. 530. Friday, November 7, 1712. Addison.

'Sic visum Veneri; cui placet impares
Formas atque animos sub juga ahenea
Sævo mittere cum joco.'

Hor.

It is very usual for those who have been severe upon Marriage, in some part or other of their Lives to enter into the Fraternity which they have ridiculed, and to see their Raillery return upon their own Heads. I scarce ever knew a Woman-hater that did not, sooner or later, pay for it. Marriage, which is a Blessing to another Man, falls upon such a one as a Judgment. Mr. _Congreve's Old Batchelor_ [1] is set forth to us with much Wit and Humour, as an Example of this kind. In short, those who have most distinguished themselves by railing at the Sex in general, very often make an honourable Amends, by chusing one of the most worthless Persons of it, for a Companion and Yoke-fellow. _Hymen_ takes his Revenge in kind, on those who turn his Mysteries into Ridicule.

My Friend _Will Honeycomb_, who was so unmercifully witty upon the Women, in a couple of Letters, which I lately communicated to the Publick, has given the Ladies ample Satisfaction by marrying a Farmer's Daughter; a piece of News which came to our Club by the last Post. The _Templer_ is very positive that he has married a Dairy-maid: But _Will_, in his Letter to me on this Occasion, sets the best Face upon the Matter that he can, and gives a more tollerable Account of his Spouse. I must confess I suspected something more than ordinary, when upon opening the