Chapter XCVI: Letter I: found that Will was fallen off from his former Gayety, having (5)

Some are of Opinion that the Souls of Men are all naturally equal, and that the great Disparity we so often observe, arises from the different Organization or Structure of the Bodies to which they are United. But whatever constitutes this first Disparity, the next great Difference which we find between Men in their several Acquirements is owing to accidental Differences in their Education, Fortunes, or Course of Life. The Soul is a kind of rough Diamond, which requires Art, Labour, and Time to polish it. For want of which, many a good natural Genius is lost, or lies unfashioned, like a Jewel in the Mine.

One of the strongest Incitements to excel in such Arts and Accomplishments as are in the highest Esteem among Men, is the natural Passion which the Mind of Man has for Glory; which, though it may be faulty in the Excess of it, ought by no means to be discouraged. Perhaps some Moralists are too severe in beating down this Principle, which seems to be a Spring implanted by Nature to give Motion to all the latent Powers of the Soul, and is always observed to exert it self with the greatest Force in the most generous Dispositions. The Men whose Characters have shone the brightest among the ancient _Romans_, appear to have been strongly animated by this Passion. _Cicero_, whose Learning and Services to his Country are so well known, was enflamed by it to an extravagant degree, and warmly presses _Lucceius_ [2], who was composing a History of those Times, to be very particular and zealous in relating the Story of his Consulship; and to execute it speedily, that he might have the Pleasure of enjoying in his Life-time some Part of the [Honour [3]] which he foresaw wou'd be paid to his Memory. This was the Ambition of a great Mind; but he is faulty in the Degree of it, and cannot refrain from solliciting the Historian upon this Occasion to neglect the strict Laws of History, and, in praising him, _even to exceed the Bounds of Truth_. The younger _Pliny_ appears to have had the same Passion for Fame, but accompanied with greater Chastness and Modesty. His Ingenuous manner of owning it to a Friend, who had prompted him to undertake some great Work, is exquisitely beautiful, and raises him to a certain Grandeur above the Imputation of Vanity. _I must confess_, says he, _that nothing employs my Thoughts more than the Desire I have of perpetuating my Name; which in my Opinion is a Design worthy of a Man, at least of such a one, who being conscious of no Guilt, is not afraid to be remember'd by Posterity_ [4].

I think I ought not to conclude, without interesting all my Readers in the Subject of this Discourse: I shall therefore lay it down as a Maxim, that though all are not capable of shining in Learning or the Politer Arts; yet _every one is capable of excelling in something_. The Soul has in this Respect a certain vegetative Power, which cannot lie wholly idle. If it is not laid out and cultivated into a regular and beautiful Garden, it will of it self shoot up in Weeds or Flowers of a wilder Growth.

[Footnote 1: Newton.]

[Footnote 2: Epist. ad Diversos, v. 12.]

[Footnote 3: [Glory]]

[Footnote 4: Lib. v. ep. 8, to Titinius Capito. In which, also, Pliny quotes the bit of Virgil taken for the motto of this paper.]

* * * * *

No. 555. Saturday, November 6, 1712. Steele.

'--Respue quod non es--'

Pers.

All the Members of the imaginary Society, which were described in my First Papers, having disappear'd one after another, it is high time for the _Spectator_ himself to go off the Stage. But, now I am to take my Leave, I am under much greater Anxiety than I have known for the Work of any Day since I undertook this Province. It is much more difficult to converse with the World in a real than a personated Character. That might pass for Humour in the _Spectator_, which would look like Arrogance in a Writer who sets his Name to his Work. The Fictitious Person might contemn those who disapproved him, and extoll his own Performances, without giving Offence. He might assume a mock-Authority, without being looked upon as vain and conceited. The Praises or Censures of himself fall only upon the Creature of his Imaginations; and if any one finds fault with him, the Author may reply with the Philosopher of old, _Thou dost but beat the Case of_ Anaxarchus. When I speak in my own private Sentiments, I cannot but address my self to my Readers in a more submissive manner, and with a just Gratitude, for the kind Reception which they have given to these Dayly Papers that have been published for almost the space of Two Years last past.

I hope the Apology I have made as to the Licence allowable to a feigned Character, may excuse any thing which has been said in these Discourses of the _Spectator_ and his Works; but the Imputation of the grossest Vanity would still dwell upon me, if I did not give some Account by what Means I was enabled to keep up the Spirit of so long and approved a Performance. All the Papers marked with a C, an L, an I, or an O, that is to say, all the Papers which I have distinguished by any Letter in the name of the Muse _CLIO_, were given me by the Gentleman, of whose Assistance I formerly boasted in the Preface and concluding Leaf of my _Tatlers_. I am indeed much more proud of his long-continued Friendship, than I should be of the Fame of being thought the Author of any Writings which he himself is capable of producing. I remember when I finished the _Tender Husband_, I told him there was nothing I so ardently wished, as that we might some time or other publish a Work written by us both, which should bear the Name of _the Monument_, in Memory of our Friendship. I heartily wish what I have done here, were as Honorary to that Sacred Name, as Learning, Wit, and Humanity render those Pieces which I have taught the Reader how to distinguish for his. When the Play above-mentioned was last Acted, there were so many applauded Stroaks in it which I had from the same Hand, that I thought very meanly of my self that I had never publickly acknowledged them. After I have put other Friends upon importuning him to publish Dramatick, as well as other Writings he has by him, I shall end what I think I am obliged to say on this Head, by giving my Reader this Hint for the better judging of my Productions, that the best Comment upon them would be an Account when the Patron to the _Tender Husband_ was in _England_, or Abroad.

The Reader will also find some Papers which are marked with the Letter X, for which he is obliged to the Ingenious Gentleman who diverted the Town with the Epilogue to the _Distressed Mother_. I might have owned these several Papers with the free Consent of these Gentlemen, who did not write them with a design of being known for the Authors. But as a candid and sincere Behaviour ought to be preferred to all other Considerations, I would not let my Heart reproach me with a Consciousness of having acquired a Praise which is not my Right.

The other Assistances which I have had, have been conveyed by Letter, sometimes by whole Papers, and other times by short Hints from unknown Hands. I have not been able to trace Favours of this kind, with any Certainty, but to the following Names, which I place in the Order wherein I received the Obligation, tho' the first I am going to name, can hardly be mentioned in a List wherein he would not deserve the Precedence. The Persons to whom I am to make these Acknowledgments are Mr. _Henry Martyn_, Mr. _Pope_, Mr. _Hughs_, Mr. _Carey_ of _New-College_ in _Oxford_, Mr. _Tickell_ of _Queen's_ in the same University, Mr. _Parnelle_, and Mr. _Eusden_ of _Trinity_ in _Cambridge_. Thus, to speak in the Language of my late Friend Sir ANDREW FREEPORT, I have Ballanced my Accounts with all my Creditors for Wit and Learning. But as these excellent Performances would not have seen the Light without the means of this Paper, I may still arrogate to my self the Merit of their being communicated to the Publick.

I have nothing more to add, but having swelled this Work to five hundred and fifty five Papers, they will be disposed into seven Volumes, four of which are already publish'd, and the three others in the Press. It will not be demanded of me why I now leave off, tho' I must own my self obliged to give an Account to the Town of my Time hereafter; since I retire when their Partiality to me is so great, that an Edition of the former Volumes of _Spectators_ of above Nine thousand each Book is already sold off, and the Tax on each half-Sheet has brought into the Stamp-Office one Week with another above _£20_. a-Week arising from this single Paper, notwithstanding it at first reduced it to less than half the number that was usually Printed before this Tax was laid.

I humbly beseech the Continuance of this Inclination to favour what I may hereafter produce, and hope I have in many Occurrences of Life tasted so deeply of Pain and Sorrow, that I am Proof against much more prosperous Circumstances than any Advantages to which my own Industry can possibly exalt me.

_I am, My Good-natured Reader, Your most Obedient, Most Obliged Humble Servant,_ Richard Steele.

_Vos valete et plaudite_ [1]. Ter.

[The following Letter [2]] regards an ingenious Sett of Gentlemen, who have done me the Honour to make me one of their Society.

_Mr_. SPECTATOR, Dec. 4, 1712.

'The Academy of _Painting_, lately established in _London_, having
done you and themselves the Honour to chuse you one of their
Directors; that Noble and Lovely Art, which before was entitled to
your Regards, as a _Spectator_, has an additional Claim to you, and
you seem to be under a double Obligation to take some Care of her
Interests.

'The Honour of our Country is also concerned in the matter I am going
to lay before you: we (and perhaps other Nations as well as we) have a
National false Humility as well as a National Vain-Glory; and tho' we
boast our selves to excel all the World in things wherein we are
out-done abroad, in other things we attribute to others a Superiority
which we our selves possess. This is what is done, particularly, in
the Art of _Portrait_ or _Face-Painting_.

'_Painting_ is an Art of a vast Extent, too great by much for any
mortal Man to be in full possession of, in all its Parts; 'tis enough
if any one succeed in painting Faces, History, Battels, Landscapes,
Sea-Pieces, Fruit, Flowers, or Drolls, &c. Nay, no Man ever was
excellent in all the Branches (tho' [many [3]] in Number) of these
several Arts, for a distinct Art I take upon me to call every one of
those several Kinds of Painting.

'And as one Man may be a good Landscape-Painter, but unable to paint a
Face or a History tollerably well, and so of the rest; one Nation may
excel in some kinds of Painting, and other kinds may thrive better in
other Climates.

'_Italy_ may have the Preference of all other Nations for
History-Painting; _Holland_ for Drolls, and a neat finished Manner of
Working; _France_, for Gay, Janty, Fluttering Pictures; and _England_
for Portraits: but to give the Honour of every one of these kinds of
Painting to any one of those Nations on account of their Excellence in
any of these parts of it, is like adjudging the Prize of Heroick,
Dramatick, Lyrick or Burlesque Poetry, to him who has done well in any
one of them.

'Where there are the greatest Genius's, and most Helps and
Encouragements, 'tis reasonable to suppose an Art will arrive to the
greatest Perfection: By this Rule let us consider our own Country with
respect to Face-Painting. No Nation in the World delights so much in
having their own, or Friends, or Relations Pictures; whether from
their National Good-Nature, or having a love to Painting, and not
being encouraged in the great Article of Religious Pictures, which the
Purity of our Worship refuses the free use of, or from whatever other
Cause. Our Helps are not inferior to those of any other People, but
rather they are greater; for what the Antique Statues and Bas-reliefs
which _Italy_ enjoys are to the History-Painters, the Beautiful and
noble Faces with which _England_ is confessed to abound, are to
Face-Painters; and besides we have the greatest number of the Works of
the best Masters in that kind of any People, not without a competent
number of those of the most excellent in every other part of Painting.
And for Encouragement, the Wealth and Generosity of the _English_
Nation affords that in such a degree, as Artists have no reason to
complain.

'And accordingly in Fact, Face-Painting is no where so well performed
as in _England_: I know not whether it has lain in your way to observe
it, but I have, and pretend to be a tolerable Judge. I have seen what
is done abroad, and can assure you, that the Honour of that Branch of
Painting is justly due to us. I appeal to the judicious Observers for
the Truth of what I assert. If Foreigners have oftentimes or even for
the most part excelled our Natives, it ought to be imputed to the
Advantages they have met with _here_, join'd to their own Ingenuity
and Industry; nor has any one Nation distinguished themselves so as to
raise an Argument in favour of their Country: but it is to be
observed, that neither _French_ nor _Italians_, nor any one of either
Nation, notwithstanding all our Prejudices in their favour have, or
ever had, for any considerable time, any Character among us as
Face-Painters.

'This Honour is due to our own Country; and has been so for near an
Age: So that instead of going to _Italy_, or elsewhere, one that
designs for Portrait-Painting ought to study in _England_. Hither such
should come from _Holland, France, Italy, Germany_, &c. as he that
intends to practice any other kind of Painting, should go to those
Parts where 'tis in greatest Perfection. 'Tis said the Blessed Virgin
descended from Heaven, to sit to St _Luke_; I dare venture to affirm,
that if she should desire another _Madonna_ to be painted by the Life,
she would come to _England_; and am of opinion that your present
President, Sir _Godfrey Kneller_, from his Improvement since he
arrived in this Kingdom, would perform that Office better than any
Foreigner living. I am, with all possible Respect,

_SIR
Your most Humble, and
Most Obedient Servant, &c._

_The ingenious Letters sign'd the_ Weather-Glass, _with several others, were received, but came too late_.

(_POSTSCRIPT_.

It had not come to my Knowledge, when I left off the _Spectator_, that I owe several excellent Sentiments and agreeable Pieces in this Work to Mr. _Ince of Grey's-Inn_. [4] R. STEELE.)

[Footnote 1: Transposed in the volume to this place. In the number it stood last; following the next letter.]

[Footnote 2: [Give me leave before I conclude to insert a Letter which]]

[Footnote 3: [few]]

[Footnote 4: Mr. Richard Ince, a good Greek scholar, who became Comptroller of Army Accounts, and inherited a fortune, died in 1758.]

* * * * *

WILLIAM HONEYCOMB, ESQ. [1]

The Seven former Volumes of the _Spectator_ having been Dedicated to some of the most celebrated Persons of the Age, I take leave to Inscribe this Eighth and Last to You, as to a Gentleman who hath ever been ambitious of appearing in the best Company.

You are now wholly retired from the busie Part of Mankind, and at leisure to reflect upon your past Achievements; for which reason, I look upon You as a Person very well qualified for a Dedication.

I may possibly disappoint my Readers, and your self too, if I do not endeavour on this Occasion to make the World acquainted with your Virtues. And here, Sir, I shall not compliment You upon your Birth, Person, or Fortune; nor any other the like Perfections, which You possess whether You will or no: But shall only touch upon those, which are of your own acquiring, and in which every one must allow You have a real Merit.

Your janty Air and easy Motion, the Volubility of your Discourse, the Suddenness of your Laugh, the Management of your Snuff-Box, with the Whiteness of your Hands and Teeth (which have justly gained You the Envy of the most polite part of the Male World, and the Love of the greatest Beauties in the Female) are intirely to be ascribed to your own personal Genius and Application.

You are formed for these Accomplishments by a happy Turn of Nature, and have finished your self in them by the utmost Improvements of Art. A Man that is defective in either of these Qualifications (whatever may be the secret Ambition of his Heart) must never hope to make the Figure You have done, among the fashionable part of his Species. It is therefore no wonder, we see such Multitudes of aspiring young Men fall short of You in all these Beauties of your Character, notwithstanding the Study and Practice of them is the whole Business of their Lives. But I need not tell You that the free and disengaged Behaviour of a fine Gentleman makes as many aukward Beaux, as the Easiness of your Favourite _Waller_ hath made insipid Poets.

At present You are content to aim all your Charms at your own Spouse, without further Thought of Mischief to any others of the Sex. I know you had formerly a very great Contempt for that Pedantick Race of Mortals who call themselves Philosophers; and yet, to your Honour be it spoken, there is not a Sage of them all could have better acted up to their Precepts in one of the most important Points of Life: I mean in that Generous Dis-regard of Popular Opinion, which you showed some Years ago, when you chose for your Wife an obscure young Woman, who doth not indeed pretend to an ancient Family, but has certainly as many Fore-fathers as any Lady in the Land, if she could but reckon up their Names.

I must own I conceived very extraordinary hopes of you from the Moment that you confessed your Age, and from eight and forty (where you had stuck so many Years) very ingenuously step'd into your Grand Climacterick. Your Deportment has since been very venerable and becoming. If I am rightly informed, You make a regular Appearance every Quarter-Sessions among your Brothers of the _Quorum_; and if things go on as they do, stand fair for being a Colonel of the Militia. I am told that your Time passes away as agreeably in the Amusements of a Country Life, as it ever did in the Gallantries of the Town: And that you now take as much pleasure in the Planting of young Trees, as you did formerly in the Cutting down of your Old ones. In short, we hear from all Hands that You are thoroughly reconciled to your dirty Acres, and have not too much Wit to look into your own Estate.

After having spoken thus much of my Patron, I must take the Privilege of an Author in saying something of my self. I shall therefore beg leave to add, that I have purposely omitted setting those Marks to the End of every Paper, which appeared in my former Volumes, that You may have an Opportunity of showing Mrs. _Honeycomb_ the Shrewdness of your Conjectures, by ascribing every Speculation to its proper Author: Though You know how often many profound Criticks in Style and Sentiments have very judiciously erred in this Particular, before they were let into the Secret. I am, _SIR, Your most Faithful, Humble Servant, THE SPECTATOR_.

(_THE_ Bookseller _to the_ Reader.

_In the Six hundred and thirty second_ Spectator, _the Reader will find an Account of the Rise of this Eighth and Last Volume._

_I have not been able to prevail upon the several Gentlemen who were concerned in this Work to let me acquaint the World with their Names.

Perhaps it will be unnecessary to inform the Reader, that no other Papers, which have appeared under the Title of_ Spectator, _since the closing of this Eighth Volume, were written by any of those Gentlemen who had a Hand in this or the former Volumes_.)

[Footnote 1: This Dedication to Addison's supplementary _Spectator_, begun a year and a half after the close of Steele's, is thought to be by Eustace Budgell.]

* * * * *

No. 556. Friday, June 18, 1714. Addison. [1]

To be continued every _Monday, Wednesday_, and _Friday_.

'Qualis ubi in lucem coluber, mala gramina, pastus,
Frigida sub terra tumidum quem bruma tegebat;
Nunc positis novus exuviis, nitidusque juventa,
Lubrica convolvit sublato pectore terga
Arduus ad solem, et linguis micat ore trisulcis.'

Virg.

Upon laying down the Office of SPECTATOR, I acquainted the World with my Design of electing a new Club, and of opening my Mouth in it after a most solemn Manner. Both the Election and the Ceremony are now past; but not finding it so easy as I at first imagined, to break thro' a Fifty Years Silence, I would not venture into the World under the character of a Man who pretends to talk like other People, till I had arrived at a full Freedom of Speech.

I shall reserve for another time the History of such Club or Clubs of which I am now a Talkative, but unworthy Member; and shall here give an Account of this surprising Change which has been produced in me, and which I look upon to be as remarkable an Accident as any recorded in History, since that which happened to the Son of _Croesus_, after having been many Years as much Tongue-tied as my self.

Upon the first opening of my Mouth, I made a Speech consisting of about half a Dozen well-turned Periods; but grew so very hoarse upon it, that for three Days together, instead of finding the use of my Tongue, I was afraid that I had quite lost it. Besides, the unusual Extension of my Muscles on this Occasion, made my Face ake on both Sides to such a Degree, that nothing but an invincible Resolution and Perseverance could have prevented me from falling back to my Monosyllables. I afterwards made several Essays towards speaking; and that I might not be startled at my own Voice, which has happen'd to me more than once, I used to read aloud in my Chamber, and have often stood in the Middle of the Street to call a Coach, when I knew there was none within hearing.

When I was thus grown pretty well acquainted with my own Voice, I laid hold of all Opportunities to exert it. Not caring however to speak much by my self, and to draw upon me the whole Attention of those I conversed with, I used, for some time, to walk every Morning in the _Mall_, and talk in Chorus with a Parcel of _Frenchmen_. I found my Modesty greatly relieved by the communicative Temper of this Nation, who are so very sociable, as to think they are never better Company, than when they are all opening at the same time.

I then fancied I might receive great Benefit from Female Conversation, and that I should have a Convenience of talking with the greater Freedom, when I was not under any Impediment of thinking: I therefore threw my self into an Assembly of Ladies, but could not for my Life get in a Word among them; and found that if I did not change my Company, I was in Danger of being reduced to my primitive Taciturnity.

The Coffee-houses have ever since been my chief Places of Resort, where I have made the greatest Improvements; in order to which I have taken a particular Care never to be of the same Opinion with the Man I conversed with. I was a Tory at _Button's_, and a Whig at _Childe's_; a Friend to the _Englishman_, or an Advocate for the _Examiner_, as it best served my Turn; some fancy me a great Enemy to the _French_ King, though, in reality, I only make use of him for a Help to Discourse. In short, I wrangle and dispute for Exercise; and have carried this Point so far that I was once like to have been run through the Body for making a little too free with my Betters.

In a Word, I am quite another Man to what I was.

'--Nil fuit unquam
Tam dispar sibi--'

My old Acquaintance scarce know me; nay I was asked the other Day by a _Jew_ at _Jonathan's_, whether I was not related to a dumb Gentleman, who used to come to that Coffee-house? But I think I^never was better pleased in my Life than about a Week ago, when, as I was battling it across the Table with a young Templar, his Companion gave him a Pull by the Sleeve, begging him to come away, for that the old Prig would talk him to Death.

Being now a very good Proficient in Discourse, I shall appear in the World with this Addition to my Character, that my Countrymen may reap the Fruits of my new-acquired Loquacity.

Those who have been present at public Disputes in the University, know that it is usual to maintain Heresies for Argument's sake. I have heard a Man a most impudent Socinian for Half an Hour, who has been an Orthodox Divine all his Life after. I have taken the same Method to accomplish my self in the Gift of Utterance, having talked above a Twelve-month, not so much for the Benefit of my Hearers as of my self. But since I have now gained the Faculty, I have been so long endeavouring after, I intend to make a right Use of it, and shall think my self obliged, for the future, to speak always in Truth and Sincerity of Heart. While a Man is learning to fence, he practises both on Friend and Foe; but when he is a Master in the Art, he never exerts it but on what he thinks the right Side.

That this last Allusion may not give my Reader a wrong Idea of my Design in this Paper, I must here inform him, that the Author of it is of no Faction, that he is a Friend to no Interests but those of Truth and Virtue, nor a Foe to any but those of Vice and Folly. Though I make more Noise in the World than I used to do, I am still resolved to act in it as an indifferent SPECTATOR. It is not my Ambition to encrease the Number either of Whigs or Tories, but of wise and good Men, and I could heartily wish there were not Faults common to both Parties which afford me sufficient Matter to work upon, without descending to those which are peculiar to either.

If in a Multitude of Counsellors there is Safety, we ought to think our selves the securest Nation in the World. Most of our Garrets are inhabited by Statesmen, who watch over the Liberties of their Country, and make a Shift to keep themselves from starving by taking into their Care the Properties of their Fellow-Subjects.

As these Politicians of both Sides have already worked the Nation into a most unnatural Ferment, I shall be so far from endeavouring to raise it to a greater Height, that on the contrary, it shall be the chief Tendency of my Papers, to inspire my Countrymen with a mutual Good-will and Benevolence. Whatever Faults either Party may be guilty of, they are rather inflamed than cured by those Reproaches, which they cast upon one another. The most likely Method of rectifying any Man's Conduct, is, by recommending to him the Principles of Truth and Honour, Religion and Virtue; and so long as he acts with an Eye to these Principles, whatever Party he is of, he cannot fail of being a good _Englishman_, and a Lover of his Country.

As for the Persons concerned in this Work, the Names of all of them, or at least of such as desire it, shall be published hereafter: Till which time I must entreat the courteous Reader to suspend his Curiosity, and rather to consider what is written, than who they are that write it.

Having thus adjusted all necessary Preliminaries with my Reader, I shall not trouble him with any more prefatory Discourses, but proceed in my old Method, and entertain him with Speculations on every useful Subject that falls in my Way.

[Footnote 1: Addison's papers are marked on the authority of Tickell.]

* * * * *

No. 557. From Friday, June 18 to Monday, June 21, 1714. Addison.

'Quippe domum timet ambiguam, Tyriosque bilingues.'

Virg.

_There is nothing, says Plato, so delightful, as the hearing or the speaking of Truth_. For this Reason there is no Conversation so agreeable as that of the Man of Integrity, who hears without any Intention to betray, and speaks without any Intention to deceive.

Among all the Accounts which are given of _Cato_, I do not remember one that more redounds to his Honour than the following Passage related by _Plutarch_. As an Advocate was pleading the Cause of his Client before one of the Prætors, he could only produce a single Witness in a Point where the Law required the Testimony of two Persons; upon which the Advocate insisted on the Integrity of that Person whom he had produced: but the Prætor told him, That where the Law required two Witnesses he would not accept of one, tho' it were _Cato_ himself. Such a Speech from a Person who sat at the Head of a Court of Justice, while _Cato_ was still living, shews us, more than a thousand Examples, the high Reputation this great Man had gained among his Contemporaries upon the Account of his Sincerity.

When such an inflexible Integrity is a little softened and qualified by the Rules of Conversation and Good-breeding, there is not a more shining Virtue in the whole Catalogue of Social Duties. A Man however ought to take great Care not to polish himself out of his Veracity, nor to refine his Behaviour to the Prejudice of his Virtue.

This Subject is exquisitely treated in the most elegant Sermon of the great _British_ Preacher [1]. I shall beg Leave to transcribe out of it two or three Sentences, as a proper Introduction to a very curious Letter, which I shall make the chief Entertainment of this Speculation.

'The old _English_ Plainness and Sincerity, that generous Integrity of
Nature, and Honesty of Disposition, which always argues true Greatness
of Mind, and is usually accompanied with undaunted Courage and
Resolution, is in a great Measure lost among us.

'The Dialect of Conversation is now-a-days so swelled with Vanity and
Compliment, and so surfeited (as I may say) of Expressions of Kindness
and Respect, that if a Man that lived an Age or two ago should return
into the World again, he would really want a Dictionary to help him to
understand his own Language, and to know the true intrinsick Value of
the Phrase in Fashion; and would hardly, at first, believe at what a
low Rate the highest Strains and Expressions of Kindness imaginable do
commonly pass in current Payment; and when he should come to
understand it, it would be a great while before he could bring himself
with a good Countenance and a good Conscience, to converse with Men
upon equal Terms and in their own Way.'

I have by me a Letter which I look upon as a great Curiosity, and which may serve as an Exemplification to the foregoing Passage, cited out of this most excellent Prelate. It is said to have been written in King _Charles_ II.'s Reign by the Ambassador of _Bantam_ [2], a little after his Arrival in _England_.

_Master_,

'The People, where I now am, have Tongues further from their Hearts
than from _London_ to _Bantam_, and thou knowest the Inhabitants of
one of these Places does not know what is done in the other. They call
thee and thy Subjects Barbarians, because we speak what we mean; and
account themselves a civilized People, because they speak one thing
and mean another: Truth they call Barbarity, and Falsehood Politeness.
Upon my first landing, one who was sent from the King of this Place to
meet me told me, _That he was extremely sorry for the Storm I had met
with just before my Arrival_. I was troubled to hear him grieve and
afflict himself upon my Account; but in less than a Quarter of an Hour
he smiled, and was as merry as if nothing had happened. Another who
came with him told me by my Interpreter, _He should be glad to do me
any Service that lay in his Power_. Upon which I desir'd him to carry
one of my Portmantaus for me, but instead of serving me according to
his Promise, he laughed, and bid another do it. I lodged, the first
Week, at the House of one, who desired me _to think my self at home,
and to consider his House as my own_. Accordingly, I the next Morning
began to knock down one of the Walls of it, in order to let in the
fresh Air, and had packed up some of the Houshold-Goods, of which I
intended to have made thee a Present: But the false Varlet no sooner
saw me falling to Work, but he sent Word to desire me to give over,
for that he would have no such Doings in his House. I had not been
long in this Nation, before I was told by one, for whom I had asked a
certain Favour from the Chief of the King's Servants, whom they here
call the Lord-Treasurer, That I had _eternally obliged him_. I was so
surpriz'd at his Gratitude, that I could not forbear saying, What
Service is there which one Man can do for another, that can oblige him
to all Eternity! However I only asked him, for my Reward, that he
would lend me his eldest Daughter during my Stay in this Country; but
I quickly found that he was as treacherous as the rest of his
Countrymen.

'At my first going to Court, one of the great Men almost put me out of
Countenance, by asking _ten thousand Pardons_ of me for only treading
by Accident upon my Toe. They call this kind of Lye a Compliment; for
when they are Civil to a great Man, they tell him Untruths, for which
thou wouldst order any of thy Officers of State to receive a hundred
Blows upon his Foot. I do not know how I shall negociate any thing
with this People, since there is so little Credit to be given to 'em.
When I go to see the King's Scribe, I am generally told that he is not
at home, tho' perhaps I saw him go into his House almost the very
Moment before. Thou wouldest fancy that the whole Nation are
Physicians, for the first Question they always ask me, is, _how I do_:
I have this Question put to me above a hundred times a Day. Nay, they
are not only thus inquisitive after my Health, but wish it in a more
solemn Manner, with a full Glass in their Hands, every time I sit with
them at Table, tho' at the same time they would perswade me to drink
their Liquors in such Quantities as I have found by Experience will
make me sick. They often pretend to pray for thy Health also in the
same Manner; but I have more Reason to expect it from the Goodness of
thy Constitution, than the Sincerity of their Wishes. May thy Slave
escape in Safety from this doubled-tongued Race of Men, and live to
lay himself once more at thy Feet in thy Royal City of _Bantam_.'

[Footnote 1: Tillotson. The Sermon 'Of Sincerity Towards God and Man.' Works, Vol. II., p. 6, folio ed.]

[Footnote 2: In 1682.]

* * * * *

No. 558. Wednesday, June 23, 1714. Addison.

'Qui fit, Mæcenas, ut nemo, quam sibi sortem
Seu ratio dederit, seu fors objecerit, illa
Contentus vivat: laudet diversa sequentes?
O Fortunati mercatores, gravis annis
Miles ait, multo jam fractus membra labore!
Contra mercator, navim jactantibus austris,
Militia est potior. Quid enim? concurritur? horæ
Momenta cita mors venit, aut victoria læta.
Agricolam laudat juris legumque peritus,
Sub galli cantum consultor ubi ostia pulsat.
Ille, datis vadibus, qui rure extractus in urbem est,
Solos felices viventes clamat in urbe.
Cætera de genere hoc (adeo sunt multa) loquacem
Delassare valent Fabium. Ne te morer, audi
Quo rem deducam. Si quis Deus, en ego dicat,
Jam faciam quod vultis: eris tu, qui modo miles,
Mercator: tu consultus modo, rusticus. Hinc vos,
Vos hinc mutatis discedite partibus. Eja,
Quid statis? Nolint. Atque licet esse beatis.'

Hor.

It is a celebrated Thought of _Socrates_, that if all the Misfortunes of Mankind were cast into a publick Stock, in order to be equally distributed among the whole Species, those who now think themselves the most unhappy, would prefer the Share they are already possess'd of, before that which would fall to them by such a Division. _Horace_ has carried this Thought a great deal further in the Motto of my Paper, which implies that the Hardships or Misfortunes we lye under, are more easy to us than those of any other Person would be, in case we could change Conditions with him.

As I was ruminating on these two Remarks, and seated in my Elbow-Chair, I insensibly fell asleep; when, on a sudden, methought there was a Proclamation made by _Jupiter_, that every Mortal should bring in his Griefs and Calamities, and throw them together in a Heap. There was a large Plain appointed for this Purpose. I took my Stand in the Center of it, and saw with a great deal of Pleasure the whole human Species marching one after another and throwing down their several Loads, which immediately grew up into a prodigious Mountain that seemed to rise above the Clouds.

There was a certain Lady of a thin airy Shape, who was very active in this Solemnity. She carried a magnifying Glass in one of her Hands, and was cloathed in a loose flowing Robe, embroidered with several Figures of Fiends and Spectres, that discovered themselves in a Thousand chimerical Shapes, as her Garment hovered in the Wind. There was something wild and distracted in her Look. Her Name was _FANCY_. She led up every Mortal to the appointed Place, after having very officiously assisted him in making up his Pack, and laying it upon his Shoulders. My Heart melted within me to see my Fellow-Creatures groaning under their respective Burthens, and to consider that prodigious Bulk of human Calamities which lay before me.

There were however several Persons who gave me great Diversion upon this Occasion. I observed one bringing in a Fardel very carefully concealed under an old embroidered Cloak, which, upon his throwing it into the Heap, I discovered to be Poverty. Another, after a great deal of puffing, threw down his Luggage; which, upon examining, I found to be his Wife.

There were Multitudes of Lovers saddled with very whimsical Burthens composed of Darts and Flames; but, what was very odd, tho' they sighed as if their Hearts would break under these Bundles of Calamities, they could not perswade themselves to cast them into the Heap when they came up to it; but after a few faint efforts, shook their Heads and marched away as heavy loaden as they came. I saw Multitudes of old Women throw down their Wrinkles, and several young ones who stripped themselves of a tawny Skin. There were very great Heaps of red Noses, large Lips, and rusty Teeth. The Truth of it is, I was surpriz'd to see the greatest Part of the Mountain made up of bodily Deformities. Observing one advancing towards the Heap with a larger Cargo than ordinary upon his Back, I found upon his near Approach, that it was only a natural Hump, which he disposed of with great Joy of Heart among this Collection of humane Miseries. There were likewise Distempers of all Sorts, tho' I could not but observe, that there were many more Imaginary than real. One little Packet I could not but take Notice of, which was a Complication of all the Diseases incident to humane Nature, and was in the Hand of a great many fine People: This was called the Spleen. But what most of all surprized me, was a Remark I made, that there was not a single [illegible] Folly thrown into the whole Heap: At which I was very much astonished, having concluded within my self, that every one would take this Opportunity of getting rid of his Passions, Prejudices, and Frailties.

I took Notice in particular of a very profligate Fellow, who I did not Question came loaden with his Crimes, but upon searching into his Bundle, I found that instead of throwing his Guilt from him, he had only laid down his Memory. He was followed by another worthless Rogue who flung away his Modesty instead of his Ignorance.

When the whole Race of Mankind had thus cast their Burthens, the _Phantome_ which had been so busie on this Occasion, seeing me an idle Spectator of what passed, approached towards me. I grew uneasy at her Presence, when of a sudden she held her magnifying Glass full before my Eyes. I no sooner saw my Face in it, but was startled at the Shortness of it, which now appeared to me in its utmost Aggravation. The immoderate Breadth of the Features made me very much out of Humour with my own Countenance, upon which I threw it from me like a Mask. It happened very luckily, that one who stood by me had just before thrown down his Visage, which, it seems, was too long for him. It was indeed extended to a most shameful length; I believe the very Chin was, modestly speaking, as long as my whole Face. We had both of us an Opportunity of mending our selves, and all the Contributions being now brought in, every Man was at Liberty to exchange his Misfortune for those of another Person. But as there arose many new Incidents in the Sequel of my Vision, I shall reserve them for the Subject of my next Paper.

* * * * *

No. 559. Friday, June 25, 1714. Addison.

'Quid causæ est, meritò quin illis Jupiter ambas
Iratus buccas inflet: neque se fore posthac
Tam facilem dicat, votis ut præbeat aurem?'

Hor.

In my last Paper, I gave my Reader a Sight of that Mountain of Miseries, which was made up of those several Calamities that afflict the Minds of Men. I saw, with unspeakable Pleasure, the whole Species thus delivered from its Sorrows: though at the same time, as we stood round the Heap, and surveyed the several Materials of which it was composed, there was scarce a Mortal in this vast Multitude who did not discover what he thought Pleasures and Blessings of Life; and wondered how the Owners of them ever came to look upon them as Burthens and Grievances.

As we were regarding very attentively this Confusion of Miseries, this Chaos of Calamity, _Jupiter_ issued out a second Proclamation, that every one was now at Liberty to exchange his Affliction, and to return to his Habitation with any such other Bundle as should be delivered to him.

Upon this, _FANCY_ began again to bestir her self, and parcelling out the whole Heap with incredible Activity, recommended to every one his particular Packet. The Hurry and Confusion at this time was not to be expressed. Some Observations, which I made upon the Occasion, I shall communicate to the Publick. A venerable grey-headed Man, who had laid down the Cholick, and who I found wanted an Heir to his Estate, snatched up an undutiful Son that had been thrown into the Heap by his angry Father. The graceless Youth, in less than a quarter of an Hour, pulled the old Gentleman by the Beard, and had like to have knocked his Brains out; so that meeting the true Father, who came towards him in a Fit of the Gripes, he begg'd him to take his Son again, and give him back his Cholick; but they were incapable either of them to recede from the Choice they had made. A poor Gally-Slave, who had thrown down his Chains, took up the Gout in their stead, but made such wry Faces, that one might easily perceive he was no great Gainer by the Bargain. It was pleasant enough to see the several Exchanges that were made, for Sickness against Poverty, Hunger against want of Appetite, and Care against Pain.

The Female World were very busie among themselves in bartering for Features; one was trucking a Lock of grey Hairs for a Carbuncle, another was making over a short Waste for a Pair of round Shoulders, and a third cheapning a bad Face for a lost Reputation: But on all these Occasions, there was not one of them who did not think the new Blemish, as soon as she had got it into her Possession, much more disagreeable than the old one. I made the same Observation on every other Misfortune or Calamity, which every one in the Assembly brought upon himself, in lieu of what he had parted with; whether it be that all the Evils which befall us are in some Measure suited and proportioned to our Strength, or that every Evil becomes more supportable by our being accustomed to it, I shall not determine.

I could not for my Heart forbear pitying the poor hump-back'd Gentleman mentioned in the former Paper, who went off a very well-shaped Person with a Stone in his Bladder; nor the fine Gentleman who had struck up this Bargain with him, that limped thro' a whole Assembly of Ladies, who used to admire him, with a Pair of Shoulders peeping over his Head.

I must not omit my own particular Adventure. My Friend with the long Visage had no sooner taken upon him my short Face, but he made such a grotesque Figure in it, that as I looked upon him I could not forbear laughing at my self, insomuch that I put my own Face out of Countenance. The poor Gentleman was so sensible of the Ridicule, that I found he was ashamed of what he had done: On the other Side I found that I my self had no great Reason to triumph, for as I went to touch my Forehead I missed the Place, and clapped my Finger upon my upper Lip. Besides, as my Nose was exceeding Prominent, I gave it two or three unlucky Knocks as I was playing my Hand about my Face, and aiming at some other Part of it. I saw two other Gentlemen by me, who were in the same ridiculous Circumstances. These had made a foolish Swop between a Couple of thick bandy Legs, and two long Trapsticks that had no Calfs to them. One of these looked like a Man walking upon Stilts, and was so lifted up into the Air above his ordinary Height, that his Head turned round with it, while the other made such awkward Circles, as he attempted to walk, that he scarce knew how to move forward upon his new Supporters: Observing him to be a pleasant Kind of Fellow, I stuck my Cane in the Ground, and told him I would lay him a Bottle of Wine, that he did not march up to it on a Line, that I drew for him, in a Quarter of an Hour.

The Heap was at last distributed among the two Sexes, who made a most piteous Sight, as they wandered up and down under the Pressure of their several Burthens. The whole Plain was filled with Murmurs and Complaints, Groans and Lamentations. _Jupiter_ at length, taking Compassion on the poor Mortals, ordered them a second time to lay down their Loads, with a Design to give every one his own again. They discharged themselves with a great deal of Pleasure, after which, the Phantome, who had led them into such gross Delusions, was commanded to disappear. There was sent in her stead a Goddess of a quite different Figure: Her Motions were steady and composed, and her Aspect serious but cheerful. She every now and then cast her Eyes towards Heaven, and fixed them upon _Jupiter_: Her name was _PATIENCE_. She had no sooner placed her self by the Mount of Sorrows, but, what I thought very remarkable, the whole Heap sunk to such a Degree, that it did not appear a third part so big as it was before. She afterwards returned every Man his own proper Calamity, and teaching him how to bear it in the most commodious Manner, he marched off with it contentedly, being very well pleased that he had not been left to his own Choice, as to the kind of Evils which fell to his Lot.

Besides the several Pieces of Morality to be drawn out of this Vision, I learnt from it, never to repine at my own Misfortunes, or to envy the Happiness of another, since it is impossible for any Man to form a right Judgment of his Neighbour's Sufferings; for which Reason also I have determined never to think too lightly of another's Complaints, but to regard the Sorrows of my Fellow Creatures with Sentiments of Humanity and Compassion.

* * * * *

No. 560. Monday, June 28, 1714. Addison.

'--Verba intermissa retentat.'

Ov. Met.

Every one has heard of the Famous Conjurer, who, according to the Opinion of the Vulgar, has studied himself _dumb_; for which Reason, as it is believed, he delivers out all his Oracles in Writing. Be that as it will, the blind _Tiresias_ was not more famous in _Greece_, than this dumb Artist has been, for some Years last past, in the Cities of _London_ and _Westminster_. Thus much for the profound Gentleman who honours me with the following Epistle.

_From my Cell_, June 24, 1714.

_SIR,_

'Being informed that you have lately got the Use of your Tongue, I
have some Thoughts of following your Example, that I may be a
_Fortune-teller_ properly speaking. I am grown weary of my
Taciturnity, and having served my Country many Years under the Title
of the dumb Doctor, I shall now prophesie by Word of Mouth, and (as
Mr. _Lee_ says of the Magpie, who you know was a great Fortune-teller
among the Ancients) _chatter_ Futurity. I have hitherto chosen to
receive Questions and return Answers in Writing, that I might avoid
the Tediousness and Trouble of Debates, my Querists being generally of
a Humour to think, that they have never Predictions enough for their
Mony. In short, Sir, my Case has been something like that of those
discreet Animals the Monkeys, who, as the _Indians_ tell us, can speak
if they would, but purposely avoid it that they may not be made to
work. I have hitherto gained a Livelyhood by holding my Tongue, but
shall now open my Mouth in order to fill it. If I appear a little
Word-bound in my first Solutions and Responses, I hope it will not be
imputed to any Want of Foresight, but to the long Disuse of Speech. I
doubt not by this Invention to have all my former Customers over
again, for if I have promised any of them Lovers or Husbands, Riches
or good Luck, it is my Design to confirm to them _vivâ voce_, what I
have already given them under my Hand. If you will honour me with a
Visit, I will compliment you with the first opening of my Mouth, and
if you please you may make an entertaining Dialogue out of the
Conversation of two dumb Men. Excuse this Trouble, worthy Sir, from
one who has been a long time

_Your Silent Admirer_,
Cornelius Agrippa.'

I have received the following Letter, or rather _Billet-doux_, from a pert young Baggage, who congratulates with me upon the same Occasion.

_June 23, 1714._

_Dear Mr._ Prate-apace,

'I am a Member of a Female Society who call ourselves the _Chit-Chat_
Club, and am ordered by the whole Sisterhood, to congratulate you upon
the Use of your Tongue. We have all of us a mighty Mind to hear you
talk, and if you will take your Place among us for an Evening, we have
unanimously agreed to allow you one Minute in ten, without
Interruption.

_I am, SIR,
Your Humble Servant,_
S. T.