Chapter M: MERRY. Now say this again: he hath somewhat to doing

Which followeth the trace of one that is wooing;
Specially that hath no more wit in his head,
Than my cousin Roister Doister withal is led.
I am sent in all haste to espy and to mark,
How our letters and tokens are likely to wark.

Master Roister Doister must have answer in haste,
For he loveth not to spend much labour in waste.
Now as for Christian Custance, by this light,
Though she had not her troth to Gawin Goodluck plight,
Yet rather than with such a loutish dolt to marry,
I daresay would live a poor life solitary.
But fain would I speak with Custance, if I wist how,
To laugh at the matter. Yond cometh one forth now.

ACTUS III., SCÆNA 2.

TIBET. M. MERRYGREEK (_aside_).

TIB. TALK. Ah! that I might but once in my life have a sight
Of him who made us all so ill-shent! By this light,
He should never escape, if I had him by the ear,
But even from his head I would it bite or tear.
Yea, and if one of them were not enou',
I would bite them both off, I make God avow.

M. MERRY. What is he, whom this little mouse doth so threaten?
[_Aside._

TIB. TALK. I would teach him, I trow, to make girls shent or beaten.

M. MERRY. I will call her. Maid, with whom are ye so hasty?

TIB. TALK. Not with you, sir, but with a little wage-pasty;
A deceiver of folks by subtle craft and guile.

M. MERRY. I know where she is: Dobinet hath wrought some wile.

TIB. TALK. He brought a ring and token, which he said was sent
From our dame's husband, but I wot well I was shent;
For it liked her as well (to tell you no lies)
As water in a[103] ship, or salt cast in her eyes:
And yet, whence it came, neither we nor she can tell.

M. MERRY. We shall have sport anon: I like this very well.
[_Aside._
And dwell ye here with mistress Custance, fair maid?

TIB. TALK. Yea, marry do I, sir: what would ye have said?

M. MERRY. A little message unto her, by word of mouth.

TIB. TALK. No messages, by your leave, nor tokens forsooth.

M. MERRY. Then help me to speak with her.

TIB. TALK. With a good will that.
Here she cometh forth. Now speak--ye know best what.

C. CUSTANCE. None other life with you, maid, but abroad to skip?

TIB. TALK. Forsooth, here is one would speak with your mistresship.

C. CUSTANCE. Ah, have ye been learning of mo messages now?

TIB. TALK. I would not hear his mind, but bad him show it to you.

C. CUSTANCE. In at doors!

TIB. TALK. I am gone. [_Exit._

M. MERRY. Dame Custance, God ye save!

C. CUSTANCE. Welcome, friend Merrygreek; and what thing would ye have?

M. MERRY. I am come to you a little matter to break.

C. CUSTANCE. But see it be honest, else better not to speak.

M. MERRY. How feel ye yourself affected here of late?

C. CUSTANCE. I feel no manner change, but after the old rate.
But whereby do ye mean?

M. MERRY. Concerning marriage.
Doth not love lade you?

C. CUSTANCE. I feel no such carriage.

M. MERRY. Do ye feel no pangs of dotage? Answer me right.

C. CUSTANCE. I doat so, that I make but one sleep all the night.
But what need all these words?

M. MERRY. O Jesus! will ye see
What dissembling creatures these same women be? [_Aside._
The gentleman ye wot of, whom ye do so love,
That ye would fain marry him, if he durst it move,
Among other rich widows which are of him glad,
Lest ye for lesing of him perchance might run mad,
Is now contented that, upon your suit making,
Ye be as one in election of taking.

C. CUSTANCE. What a tale is this! That I wot of! Whom I love!

M. MERRY. Yea, and he is as loving a worm again as a dove.
E'en of very pity he is willing you to take,
Because ye shall not destroy yourself for his sake.

C. CUSTANCE. Marry, God 'ield[104] his maship! whatever he be,
It is gentmanly spoken.

M. MERRY. Is it not, trow ye?
If ye have the grace now to offer yourself, ye speed.

C. CUSTANCE. As much as though I did; this time it shall not need.
But what gentleman is it, I pray you tell me plain,
That wooeth so finely?

M. MERRY. Lo, where ye be again!
As though ye knew him not!

C. CUSTANCE. Tush! ye speak in jest.

M. MERRY. Nay, sure the party is in good knacking earnest,
And have you he will (he saith) and have you he must.

C. CUSTANCE. I am promised during my life, that is just.

M. MERRY. Marry, so thinketh he--unto him alone.

C. CUSTANCE. No creature hath my faith and troth but one,
That is Gawin Goodluck: and if it be not he,
He hath no title this way, whatever he be,
For I know none to whom I have such words spoken.

M. MERRY. Ye know him not, you, by his letter and token?

C. CUSTANCE. Indeed true it is, that a letter I have,
But I never read it yet, as God me save.

M. MERRY. Ye a woman? and your letter so long unread!

C. CUSTANCE. Ye may thereby know what haste I have to wed.
But now, who is it for my hand? I know by guess.

M. MERRY. Ah! well, I say--

C. CUSTANCE. It is Roister Doister, doubtless.

M. MERRY. Will ye never leave this dissimulation?
Ye know him not?

C. CUSTANCE. But by imagination;
For no man there is, but a very dolt and lout,
That to woo a widow would so go about.
He shall never have me his wife, while he do live.

M. MERRY. Then will he have you if he may, so mot I thrive;
And he biddeth you send him word by me,
That ye humbly beseech him ye may his wife be,
And that there shall be no let in you nor mistrust,
But to be wedded on Sunday next, if he lust;
And biddeth you to look for him.

C. CUSTANCE. Doth he bid so?

M. MERRY. When he cometh, ask him whether he did or no?

C. CUSTANCE. Go say, that I bid him keep him warm at home,
For, if he come abroad, he shall cough me a mome.[105]
My mind was vexed, I 'shrew his head, sottish dolt.

M. MERRY. He hath in his head--

C. CUSTANCE. As much brain as a burbolt.[106]

M. MERRY. Well, dame Custance, if he hear you thus play choploge.[107]

C. CUSTANCE. What will he?

M. MERRY. Play the devil in the horologe.[108]

C. CUSTANCE. I defy him, lout.

M. MERRY. Shall I tell him what ye say?

C. CUSTANCE. Yea, and add whatsoever thou canst, I thee pray,
And I will avouch it, whatsoever it be.

M. MERRY. Then let me alone; we will laugh well, ye shall see:
It will not be long, ere he will hither resort.

C. CUSTANCE. Let him come when him lust, I wish no better sport.
Fare ye well: I will in, and read my great letter:
I shall to my wooer make answer the better. [_Exeat._

ACTUS III., SCÆNA 3.

MATTHEW MERRYGREEK.

M. MERRY. Now that the whole answer in my device doth rest,
I shall paint out our wooer in colours of the best,
And all that I say shall be on Custance's mouth,
She is author of all that I shall speak, forsooth.
But yonder cometh Roister Doister now in a trance.

[_Enter_ R. ROISTER.]

R. ROISTER. Juno send me this day good luck and good chance!
I cannot but come see how Merrygreek doth speed.

M. MERRY. I will not see him, but give him a jut[109] indeed.
I cry your mastership mercy!

R. ROISTER. And whither now?

M. MERRY. As fast as I could run, sir, in post against you.
But why speak ye so faintly, or why are ye so sad?

R. ROISTER. Thou knowest the proverb--because I cannot be had.
Hast thou spoken with this woman?

M. MERRY. Yea, that I have.

R. ROISTER. And what, will this gear be?

M. MERRY. No, so God me save.

R. ROISTER. Hast thou a flat answer?

M. MERRY. Nay, a sharp answer.

R. ROISTER. What?