Chapter L: OF GOSPEL. Then shall ye sure find great delight in the gospel

[_Exit._

ASSURANCE _entereth_.

Edification without Assurance 'vaileth not much.
Yet where they both do meet, surely their force is such,
That to God's kingdom they open the way,
The sweet place of rest and perpetual joy.
For assurance in Christ Jesus without man's further merit,
Is fully sufficient God's favour to inherit:
Wherefore Light of the Gospel willed me so,
That to you, Edification, with all speed I should go:
So that with Sincere Doctrine we joined in unity,
Might in short time conduct him to God's Perfect Felicity.

PERV. DOC. I embrace you, Assurance, that bliss to obtain.

ASSURANCE. Then be you assured, that you shall not be vain;
For if that Christ's words be faithful and just,
God's Perfect Felicity is not far hence, I trust.

GOD'S FELICITY _entereth_.

Verily, where Edification and Assurance in one are allied,
God's Felicity is at hand, it may not be denied,
Which he promiseth to such as unfeignedly crave,
With Assurance that certainly the same they shall have:
Which Felicity in person here I do represent,
Who by God himself to the faithful am sent,
Prepared for them, as he plainly hath said,
Since the time that the world's foundations were laid;
Wherefore great thanks unto him doubtless you owe,
That it would please him such gifts on you to bestow,
The most precious thing, which man's reason doth excel,
No mind can conceive, much less tongue can tell.

PERV. DOC. To him therefore let us give all manner praise,
That beareth such affection to mankind always.
O Lord, thine honour might be great in heaven so high.
And throughout the whole earth thy everlasting glory.
Give grace to thy people, that after this transitory
Life they may come to thy perfect felicity.

EDIFICATION. Defend thy church, O Christ, and thy holy
congregation,
Both here in England and in every other nation.
That we thy truth may attain, and still follow the same,
To the salvation of our souls, and glory of thy name.

ASSURANCE. Preserve our noble queen Elizabeth and her council all,[35]
With thy heavenly grace, sent from thy seat supernal.
Grant her and them long to live, her to reign, them to see,
What may always be best for the weal-public's commodity.[36]

_The second_ SONG.

FOOTNOTES:

[32] [The usual form of the proverb is, "Need maketh the old wife
trot."]

[33] [Exertion, effort.]

[34] _i.e._, Nursed, fostered.--_S._

[35] It was a custom at the end of our ancient interludes and plays to
conclude with a solemn prayer for the king or queen, the council, the
parliament, or the nobleman by whom the players were protected. Many
instances are produced by Dr Farmer and Mr Steevens, in their last
notes on the epilogue to "Second Part of Henry IV.," and many others
might be added. See particularly the conclusion of Fulwell's "Like
will to like, quoth the Devil to the Collier," 1368; Wager's "The
longer thou livest the more foole thou art;" "King Darius," and
others.--_Reed._

[36] [Interest.]

RALPH ROISTER DOISTER

A COMEDY

BY NICHOLAS UDALL

(1550)

[The only copy known of this admirable comedy, and that deficient of the title, was discovered in 1818, and is at present in the library of Eton College. It was reprinted in 1818, again in 1821 and 1830, and for the fourth time, with a copious account of Udall and his writings, by Mr W. D. Cooper, 1847. It was licensed and probably printed in 1566, but is quoted in Wilson's "Rule of Reason," 1551, before which date it was no doubt not only composed but performed.

"Ralph Roister Doister" is the first regular comedy in our language--a place of honour long held by "Gammer Gurton's Needle," which is an inferior, as well as a later, production.

Since the appearance of Mr Cooper's edition, Mr Furnivall has printed from the Royal MS. the pageant referred to at p. xiii. of Mr Cooper's introduction in one of the Ballad Society's volumes.]

THE PROLOGUE.

What creature is in health, either young or old,
But some mirth with modesty will be glad to use,
As we in this interlude shall now unfold?
Wherein all scurrility we utterly refuse;
Avoiding such mirth, wherein is abuse:
Knowing nothing more commendable for a man's recreation,
Than mirth which is used in an honest fashion.

For mirth prolongeth life, and causeth health;
Mirth recreates our spirits, and voideth pensiveness;
Mirth increaseth amity (not hind'ring our wealth);
Mirth is to be used both of more and less,
Being mixed with virtue in decent comeliness,
As we trust no good nature can gainsay the same:
Which mirth we intend to use, avoiding all blame.

The wise poets, long time heretofore,
Under merry comedies secrets did declare,
Wherein was contained very virtuous lore,
With mysteries and forewarnings very rare.
Such to write neither Plautus nor Terence did spare,
Which among the learned at this day bears the bell:
These with such other therein did excel.

Our comedy or interlude, which we intend to play,
Is named ROISTER DOISTER indeed,
Which against the vain-glorious doth inveigh,
Whose humour the roisting sort continually doth feed.
Thus, by your patience, we intend to proceed
In this our interlude, by God's leave and grace:
And here I take my leave for a certain space.

FINIS.

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.[37]

RALPH ROISTER DOISTER, _A vain-glorious, cowardly
Blockhead._

MATTHEW MERRYGREEK, _a needy Humorist._

GAWIN GOODLUCK, _a Merchant._

TRISTRAM TRUSTY, _Friend of Gawin Goodluck._

DOBINET DOUGHTY, } _Servants of Ralph._
HARPAX, }

TRUEPENNY, _Servant of Dame Custance._

SIM SURESBY, _Captain of a ship of Gawin Goodluck._

A SCRIVENER.

DAME CHRISTIAN CUSTANCE, _A Widow, betrothed to Gawin
Goodluck._

MADGE MUMBLECRUST, }
TIBET TALKAPACE, } _Servants of Dame Custance._
ANNOT ALIFACE, }

FOOTNOTES:

[Footnote 37: [Not in the old copy.]

ROISTER DOISTER.

ACTUS I., SCÆNA 1.

MATTHEW MERRYGREEK. _He entereth singing._

As long liveth the merry man (they say),
As doth the sorry man, and longer by a day;
Yet the grasshopper, for all his summer piping,
Starveth in winter with hungry griping]
Therefore another said saw doth men advise,
That they be together both merry and wise.
This lesson must I practise or else, ere long,
With me, Matthew Merrygreek, it will be wrong.
Indeed men so call me; for, by him that us bought,
Whatever chance betide, I can take no thought.
Yet wisdom would that I did myself bethink,
Where to be provided this day of meat and drink;
For know ye that, for all this merry note of mine,
He might oppose me now, that should ask where I dine.
My living lieth here and there, of God's grace,
Sometime with this good man, sometime in that place;
Sometime Lewis Loiterer biddeth me come near;
Somewhiles Watkin Waster maketh us good cheer;
Sometime Davy Diceplayer, when he hath well cast,
Maketh revel-rout, as long as it will last;
Sometime Tom Titivile[38] maketh us a feast;
Sometime with Sir Hugh Pie I am a bidden guest;
Sometime at Nichol Neverthrive's I get a sop;
Sometime I am feasted with Bryan Blinkinsop;
Sometime I hang on Hankyn Hoddydoddy's sleeve;
But this day on Ralph Roister Doister's, by his leave.
For truly of all men he is my chief banker,
Both for meat and money, and my chief shoot-anchor.[39]
Forsooth Roister Doister in that he doth say,
And require what ye will, ye shall have no nay.
But now of Roister Doister somewhat to express,
That ye may esteem him after his worthiness,
In these twenty towns, and seek him throughout,
Is not the like stock whereon to graff a lout.
All the day long is he facing and craking[40]
Of his great acts in fighting and fray-making;
But when Roister Doister is put to his proof,
To keep the Queen's peace[41] is more for his behoof.
If any woman smile, or cast him an eye,
Up is he to the hard ears in love by and by:
And in all the hot haste must she be his wife,
Else farewell his good days, and farewell his life!
Master Ralph Roister Doister is but dead and gone,
Except she on him take some compassion.
Then chief of council must be Matthew Merrygreek!
What, if I for marriage to such an one seek?
Then must I sooth[42] it, whatever it is;
For what he saith or doth cannot be amiss.
Hold by his yea and nay, be his nown white son:[43]
Praise and rouse him well, and ye have his heart won;
For so well liketh he his own fond fashions,
That he taketh pride of false commendations.
But such sport have I with him, as I would not lese,
Though I should be bound to live with bread and cheese.
For exalt him and have him as ye lust indeed;
Yea, to hold his finger in a hole for a need.
I can with a word make him fain or loth;
I can with as much make him pleased or wroth;
I can, when I will, make him merry and glad;
I can, when me lust, make him sorry and sad;
I can set him in hope, and eke in despair;
I can make him speak rough, and make him speak fair.
But I marvel I see him not all this same day:
I will seek him out. But lo! he cometh this way.
I have yond espied him sadly coming,
And in love, for twenty pound, by his gloming.[44]

ACTUS I., SCÆNA 2.

RALPH ROISTER DOISTER, MATTHEW MERRYGREEK.

R. ROISTER. Come, death, when thou wilt: I am weary of my life.

M. MERRY. I told you, I, we should woo another wife. [_Aside._

R. ROISTER. Why did God make me such a goodly person?

M. MERRY. He is in, by the week; we shall have sport anon.
[_Aside._

R. ROISTER. And where is my trusty friend, Matthew Merrygreek?

M. MERRY. I will make as I saw him not; he doth me seek.
[_Aside._

R. ROISTER. I have him espied, me-thinketh; yond is he;
Ho! Matthew Merrygreek, my friend, a word with thee.

M. MERRY. I will not hear him, but make as I had haste.
[_Aside._
Farewell, all my good friends, the time away doth waste;
And the tide, they say, tarrieth for no man.

R. ROISTER. Thou must with thy good counsel help me, if thou can.

M. MERRY. God keep thee, worshipful Master Roister Doister,
And farewell the lusty Master Roister Doister.

R. ROISTER. I must needs speak with thee a word or twain.

M. MERRY. Within a month or two I will be here again.
Negligence in great affairs, ye know, may mar all.

R. ROISTER. Attend upon me now, and well reward thee I shall.

M. MERRY. I have take my leave, and the tide is well-spent.

R. ROISTER. I die, except thou help; I pray thee be content.
Do thy part well now, and ask what thou wilt;
For without thy aid my matter is all spilt.

M. MERRY. Then to serve your turn I will some pains take,
And let all mine own affairs alone for your sake.

R. ROISTER. My whole hope and trust resteth only in thee.

M. MERRY. Then can ye not do amiss, whatever it be.

R. ROISTER. Gramercies, Merrygreek, most bound to thee I am.

M. MERRY. But up with that heart, and speak out like a ram;
Ye speak like a capon that had the cough now:
Be of good cheer; anon ye shall do well enou'.

R. ROISTER. Upon thy comfort I will all things well handle.

M. MERRY. So, lo! that is a breast to blow out a candle.[45]
But what is this great matter, I would fain know?
We shall find remedy therefore, I trow.
Do ye lack money? ye know mine old offers:
Ye have always a key to my purse and coffers.

R. ROISTER. I thank thee: had ever man such a friend!

M. MERRY. Ye give unto me: I must needs to you lend.

R. ROISTER. Nay, I have money plenty all things to discharge.

M. MERRY (_aside_). That knew I right well, when I made
offer so large.

R. ROISTER. But it is no such matter.

M. MERRY. What is it, then?
Are ye in danger of debt[46] to any man?
If ye be, take no thought, nor be not afraid;
Let them hardily take thought[47] how they shall be paid.

R. ROISTER. Tut, I owe nought.

M. MERRY. What then? fear ye imprisonment?

R. ROISTER. No.

M. MERRY. No; I wist ye offend not so to be shent;
But, if ye had, the Tower could not you so hold,
But to break out at all times ye would be bold.
What is it? hath any man threatened you to beat?

R. ROISTER. What is he that durst have put me in that heat?
He that beateth me, by His arms,[48] shall well find
That I will not be far from him, nor run behind.

M. MERRY. That thing know all men, ever since ye overthrew
The fellow of the lion which Hercules slew.
But what is it then?

R. ROISTER. Of love I make my moan.

M. MERRY. Ah, this foolish love! wil't ne'er let us alone?
But, because ye were refused the last day,
Ye said ye would ne'er more be entangled that way!
I would meddle no more, since I find all so unkind.

R. ROISTER. Yea, but I cannot so put love out of my mind.

M. MERRY. But is your love, tell me first, in any wise
In the way of marriage or of merchandise?
If it may otherwise than lawful be found,
Ye get none of my help for an hundred pound.

R. ROISTER. No, by my troth, I would have her to my wife.

M. MERRY. Then are ye a good man, and God save your life!
And what or who is she, with whom ye are in love?

R. ROISTER. A woman, whom I know not by what means to move.

M. MERRY. Who is it?

R. ROISTER. A woman yond.

M. MERRY. What is her name?

R. ROISTER. Her yonder.

M. MERRY. Whom?

R. ROISTER. Mistress, ah--

M. MERRY. Fy, fy for shame!
Love ye, and know not whom? but _her yond! a woman!_
We shall then get you a wife, I cannot tell when.

R. ROISTER. The fair woman that supped with us yesternight;
And I heard her name twice or thrice, and had it right.

M. MERRY. Yea, ye may see ye ne'er take me to good cheer with
you:
If ye had, I could have told you her name now.

R. ROISTER. I was to blame indeed, but the next time perchance--
And she dwelleth in this house--

M. MERRY. What, Christian Custance?

R. ROISTER. Except I have her to my wife, I, I shall run mad.

M. MERRY. Nay, unwise perhaps; but I warrant you for mad.[49]

R. ROISTER. I am utterly dead, unless I have my desire.

M. MERRY. Where be the bellows that blew this sudden fire?

R. ROISTER. I hear she is worth a thousand pound and more.

M. MERRY. Yea, but learn this one lesson of me afore:
An hundred pound of marriage-money, doubtless,
Is ever thirty pound sterling, or somewhat less;[50]
So that her thousand pound, if she be thrifty,
Is much near[51] about two hundred and fifty.
Howbeit, wooers and widows are never poor.

R. ROISTER. Is she a widow? I love her better therefore.

M. MERRY. But I hear she hath made promise to another.

R. ROISTER. He shall go without her, and he were my brother.

M. MERRY. I have heard say, I am right well advised,
That she hath to Gawin Goodluck promised.

R. ROISTER. What is that Gawin Goodluck?

M. MERRY. A merchant-man.

R. ROISTER. Shall he speed afore me? Nay, sir, by sweet
Saint Anne!
Ah, sir! _Backare_, quod Mortimer to his sow:[52]
I will have her mine own self, I make God a vow;
For, I tell thee, she is worth a thousand pound.

M. MERRY. Yet a fitter wife for your maship[53] might be found;
Such a goodly man as you might get one with land,
Besides pounds of gold a thousand and a thousand,
And a thousand and a thousand and a thousand,
And so to the sum of twenty hundred thousand:
Your most goodly personage is worthy of no less.

R. ROISTER. I am sorry God made me so comely, doubtless;
For that maketh me each where so highly favoured,
And all women on me so enamoured.

M. MERRY. Enamoured, quod you? have ye spied out that?
Ah, sir, marry, now I see you know what is what.
Enamoured, ka?[54] marry, sir, say that again;
But I thought not ye had marked it so plain.

R. ROISTER. Yes, each where they gaze all upon me, and stare.

M. MERRY. Yea, malkin, I warrant you, as much as they dare.
And ye will not believe what they say in the street,
When your maship passeth by, all such as I meet,
That sometimes I can scarce find what answer to make.
Who is this? (saith one) Sir Launcelot du Lake?[55]
Who is this? Great Guy of Warwick, saith another?
No (say I), it is the thirteenth Hercules brother.
Who is this? noble Hector of Troy? saith the third:
No, but of the same nest (say I) it is a bird.
Who is this? great Goliah, Sampson, or Colbrand?
No (say I), but it is a brute of the aly land.[56]
Who is this? great Alexander or Charlemagne?
No, it is the tenth Worthy, say I to them again:
I know not if I said well--

R. ROISTER. Yes, for so I am.

M. MERRY. Yea, for there were but nine worthies, before ye came.
To some others the third Cato I do you call;[57]
And so, as well as I can, I answer them all.
Sir, I pray you what lord or great gentleman is this?
Master Ralph Roister Doister, dame (say I), i-wis.
O Lord (saith she then), what a goodly man it is!
Would Christ I had such a husband as he is!
O Lord (say some), that the sight of his face we lack!
It is enough for you (say I) to see his back;
His face is for ladies of high and noble parages,[58]
With whom he hardly 'scapeth great marriages.
With much more than this and much otherwise.

R. ROISTER. I can thee thank,[59] that thou canst such answers
devise:
But I perceive thou dost me throughly know.

M. MERRY. I mark your manners for mine own learning, I trow.
But such is your beauty, and such are your acts,
Such is your personage, and such are your facts,[60]

That all women, fair and foul, more and less,
They eye you, they lub[61] you, they talk of you doubtless.
Your pleasant look maketh them all merry:
Ye pass not by, but they laugh, till they be weary:
Yea, and money could I have, the truth to tell,
Of many, to bring you that way where they dwell.

R. ROISTER. Merrygreek, for this thy reporting well of me--

M. MERRY. What should I else, sir? it is my duty, pardè.

R. ROISTER. I promise thou shalt not lack, while I have a groat.

M. MERRY. Faith, sir, and I ne'er had more need of a new coat.

R. ROISTER. Thou shalt have one to-morrow, and gold for to spend.

M. MERRY. Then I trust to bring the day to a good end.
For as for mine own part, having money enou',
I could live only with the remembrance of you--
But now to your widow, whom you love so hot--

R. ROISTER. By Cock, thou sayest truth, I had almost forgot.

M. MERRY. What, if Christian Custance will not have you, what?

R. ROISTER. Have me? yes, I warrant you, never doubt of that:
I know she loveth me, but she dare not speak.

M. MERRY. Indeed, meet it were somebody should it break.

R. ROISTER. She looked on me twenty times yesternight,
And laughed so--

M. MERRY. That she could not sit upright.

R. ROISTER. No, faith, could she not.

M. MERRY. No, even such a thing I cast.[62]

R. ROISTER. But for wooing, thou knowest, women are shamefast.
But, and she knew my mind, I know she would be glad,
And think it the best chance that ever she had.

M. MERRY. To her, then, like a man, and be bold forth to start:
Wooers never speed well, that have a false heart.

R. ROISTER. What may I best do?

M. MERRY. Sir, remain ye awhile [here];[63]
Ere long one or other of her house will appear.
Ye know my mind.

R. ROISTER. Yea, now hardily let me alone.

M. MERRY. In the meantime, sir, if you please, I will home,
And call your musicians; for in this your case
It would set you forth, and all your wooing grace,
Ye may not lack your instruments to play and sing.

R. ROISTER. Thou knowest I can do that--

M. MERRY. As well as anything.
Shall I go call your folks, that we may show a cast?

R. ROISTER. Yea, run, I beseech thee, in all possible haste,

M. MERRY. I go. [_Exeat._

R. ROISTER. Yea, for I love singing out of measure,
It comforteth my spirits, and doth me great pleasure.
But who cometh forth yond from my sweetheart Custance?
My matter frameth well; this is a lucky chance.

ACTUS I., SCÆNA 3.

MADGE MUMBLECRUST[64] _spinning on the distaff_: TIBET TALKAPACE _sowing_: ANNOT ALYFACE _knitting_: R. ROISTER _behind_.

M. MUMBL. If this distaff were spun, Margery Mumblecrust--

TIB. TALK. Where good stale ale is, will drink no water, I trust.

M. MUMBL. Dame Custance hath promised us good ale and white bread.

TIB. TALK. If she keep not promise, I will beshrew her head.
But it will be stark night, before I shall have done.

R. ROISTER (_aside_). I will stand here awhile, and talk
with them anon.
I hear them speak of Custance, which doth my heart good;
To hear her name spoken doth even comfort my blood.

M. MUMBL. Sit down to your work, Tibet, like a good girl.

TIB. TALK. Nurse, meddle you with your spindle and your whirl.
No haste but good, Madge Mumblecrust; for whip and whur,[65]
The old proverb doth say, never made good fur.

M. MUMBL. Well, ye will sit down to your work anon, I trust.

TIB. TALK. Soft fire maketh sweet malt,[66] good Madge Mumblecrust,

M. MUMBL. And sweet malt maketh jolly good ale for the nonce.

TIB. TALK. Which will slide down the lane[67] without any bones.
[_Cantet._[68]
Old brown-bread crusts must have much good mumbling;
But good ale down your throat hath good easy tumbling.

R. ROISTER (_aside_). The jolliest wench that ere I heard!
Little mouse,
May I not rejoice that she shall dwell in my house?

TIB. TALK. So, sirrah,[69] now this gear beginneth for to frame.

M. MUMBL. Thanks to God, though your work stand still, your
tongue is not lame.

TIB. TALK. And though your teeth be gone, both so sharp and so
fine,
Yet your tongue can renne on pattens as well as mine.

M. MUMBL. Ye were not for nought named Tib Talkapace.

TIB. TALK. Doth my talk grieve you? Alack, God save your grace!

M. MUMBL. I hold a groat, ye will drink anon for this gear.

TIB. TALK. And I will not pray you the stripes for me to bear.

M. MUMBL. I hold a penny, ye will drink without a cup.

TIB. TALK. Whereinsoe'er ye drink, I wot ye drink all up.

AN. ALYFACE. By Cock,[70] and well sewed, my good Tibet Talkapace.

TIB. TALK. And e'en as well knit, my nown Annot Alyface.

R. ROISTER (_aside_). See what a sort she keepeth, that must be my
wife:
Shall not I, when I have her, lead a merry life?

TIB. TALK. Welcome, my good wench, and sit here by me just.

AN. ALYFACE. And how doth our old beldame here, Madge Mumblecrust?

TIB. TALK. Chide and find fault, and threaten to complain.

AN. ALYFACE. To make us poor girls shent[71] to her is small gain.

M. MUMBL. I did neither chide, nor complain, nor threaten.

R. ROISTER (_aside_). It would grieve my heart to see one
of them beaten.

M. MUMBL. I did nothing but bid her work, and hold her peace.

TIB. TALK. So would I, if you could your clattering cease;
But the devil cannot make old trot hold her tongue.

AN. ALYFACE. Let all these matters pass, and we three sing a song:
So shall we pleasantly both the time beguile now,
And eke despatch all our works, ere we can tell how.

TIB. TALK. I shrew them that say nay, and that shall not be I.