Chapter L: OF GOSPEL. Then let us not tarry, but go seek them straight

NEW CUS. At hand I am ready on you for to wait. [_Exeunt._

ACTUS II., SCENA 2.

HYPOCRISY, PERVERSE DOCTRINE, _and_ IGNORANCE _enter._

HYPOCRISY. Perverse Doctrine, I say, take heed in any sort.
That thou never believe whatsoever they report,
Though they of the Gospel never so much do preach,
Every man will not credit whatsoever they teach.
They will not say, _all believe_, when they do not, I promise thee:
For that time will never come in this world, trust me.
Tush, tush, be thou busied in any case
To discredit their preaching in every place.
If they teach them one thing, then teach thou the contrary;
And if that no scripture for thy place thou have ready,
In words that supply, which wanteth in reason,
For ill things applied sometime in good season,
As of better eftsoons do import the weight,
So they be well ordered by good policy and sleight.
Howbeit their doctrine be sound, yet their vices find out,
As this is a sloven, or this is a lout:
He speaketh on envy, such a one for need;
This saith it in words, but he thinketh it not in deed.
Upon greater occasion they stick not to rave,
Saying, this is a whoremaster villain, he, an heretic knave,
An extortioner, a thief, a traitor, a murtherer,
A covetous person, a common usurer.
This he doth for my mistress his wife's sake, by the rood,
The better to maintain and support the French hood.[21]
Remember also, that it were a great shame
For thee for to have forgotten thy own name.
Perverse Doctrine, of right, must the truth so pervert,
That he never let it sink into any man's heart:
As far as he can, with diligence withstand,
For ever it behoveth thee to be ready at hand,
To strengthen thine own parts, and disprove other doctrine,
Whatsoever shall be taught that is contrary to thine:
Still pretend religion, whatsoever you say,
And that shall get thee good credit alway,
Pleasing the multitude with such kind of gear,[22]
As with them, to the which most inclined they are.
Square caps, long gowns, with tippets of silk,
Brave copes in the church, surplices as white as milk,
Beads, and such like: all these bear the price.
To these things apply thy attendant device:
And other likewise, which well you do know,
Which all of great holiness do set forth a show.
Though some of them, doubtless, be indifferent, what matter!
They furnish our business never the latter.
For these, of antiquity since that they do smell,
Our cause must commend right wonderful well:
And these be the things whereof thou hast need,
The better of thy will and purpose to speed.
Then give thy attendance, and so be sure of this:
That I will be ready and never will miss
To assist thee still in working thy purpose,
To th' advancing of thee, and depressing thy foes.

PERV. DOC. Gramercy, good sister, even with all my heart,
For this your good counsel; and for my part,
Whatsoever in this case may be possibly done,
I shall follow your precepts as a natural son.
For the matter so stands, if we look not well about,
That we quite perish all out of doubt,
Unless some such way we take out of hand,
Whereby we may be able our foes to withstand.
And for this cause my brother Ignorance and I,
Lest it should chance us to fall into jeopardy,
Through envy of our names in any man's ear:
For this intent, I say, we did diligently care
Our names to counterfeit in such manner of sort,
That wherever we go we may win good report.

HYPOCRISY. Of my faith, that is very well done indeed!
God send thee a good wit still at thy need.
And that in thy doings such success thou may'st find,
That all things may chance to thee after thy mind.
My brother, if thou have ought else for to say,
Speak on, ere that I depart hence away.

PERV. DOC. Great thanks for your counsel, and if ye chance
to go thither,
You may meet with Ignorance, to hasten him hither.

HYPOCRISY. Farewell: he shall be here, you shall see, even anon.
[_Exit._

PERV. DOC. Alack, alack, now my good sister is gone,
Whose presence to enjoy is more pleasant unto me,
That any thing whatsoever in the world could be.
Good occasion have I such a sister to embrace,
For by her means I live and enjoy this place,
Which yet I possess as long as I may,
And have heretofore many a fair day.
For since these new heretics, the devil take them all,
In all corners began to bark and to bawl
At the Catholic faith and the old religion,
Making of them both but matters of derision;
Hypocrisy hath so helped at every need,
That but for her hardly were we like for to speed.
For be our case never so nigh driven to the worst,
Though her means by some means take no place at the first:
Yet some means doth she find, by some means at the length,
That her ways do prevail, and her matters get strength.
She can find out a thousand guiles in a trice,
For every purpose a new strong device.
No matter so difficile for man to find out,
No business so dangerous, no person so stout,
But of th' one she is able a solution to make,
And th' other's great peril and mood for to slake.
And in fine, much matter in few words to contain,
She can find out a cloak for every rain.[23]
What person is there, that beareth more sway
In all manner of matters at this present day
Throughout the whole world, though of simple degree,
And of small power to sight she seem for to be?
Consider all trades and conditions of life,
Then shall you perceive that Hypocrisy is rife
To all kind of men and of every age,
So far as their years them therein may give knowledge:
Lo, here a large field, where at length he may walk,
Who list of this matter at the full for to talk.
To declare of what power and of what efficacy,
In every age, country and time is Hypocrisy.
But I may not about such small points now stand:
The affairs they be greater, that I have in hand.
Ignorance is the cause that I so long tarry here,
And behold where the blind buzzard doth appear.
Come on, thou gross-headed knave, thou whoreson ass, I say,
Where hast thou been, since we departed to-day?

_Enter_ IGNORANCE.

IGNORANCE. Where have I been, quod you? marry, even there I was,
Whereas I would have given an hundred pound, by the mass,
To have been here; for never, since the day I was born,
Was I so near-hand in pieces for to have been torn.
For as I was going up and down in the street,
To see if I could with Hypocrisy meet,
Behold, afar off I began to espy
That heretic New Custom, with another in his company.
As soon as they saw me, they hied them apace,
Came towards, and met me full in the face.
I am glad we have found you then, quod this heretic knave,
For you and your fellow this day sought we have
In every place, and now cannot you fly;
And with these words both they came very nigh.
Whereat I so feared, I may tell you plain,
That I thought at that hour I should have been slain.
This is he, quod the varlet, of whom I told you of late,
An enemy of the truth, and incensed with hate
Against God and his church, and an imp of Hypocrisy,
A foe to the gospel and to true divinity.
Thou liest, heretic, quod I, and nought else could I say,
But brake quickly from them, and hither came away.

PERV. DOC. Who is he that was with him, Simplicity, canst
thou tell?

IGNORANCE. Not I, sure, but some call him the Light of the
Gospel.
A good personable fellow, and in countenance so bright,
That I could not behold him in the visage aright.

PERV. DOC. God's precious wounds, that slave! marry, fie on
him, fie!
Body of our Lord, is he come into the country?
I think all the heretics in the world have taken in hand
By some solemn oath to pester this land,
With their wicked schisms and abhominable sects,
Now a vengeance on them all, and the devil break their necks!
Light of the Gospel! light of a straw! yet whatever he be,
I would he were hanged as high as I can see.

IGNORANCE. What, have you heard of him before this?

PERV. DOC. Heard of him? yea, that have I often, i-wis.
If there be any in the world, it is this whoreson thief,
Believe me, Simplicity, that will work us the mischief.
Hath that same new Jack got him such a mate?
Now with all my heart a pestilence on his pate!
I would they were both hanged fairly together,
Or else were at the devil, I care not much whether.
For since these Genevan doctors came so fast into this land,
Since that time it was never merry with England.
First came New Custom, and he gave the onsay.[24]
And sithens things have gone worse every day.
But, Simplicity, dost thou know what is mine intent?

IGNORANCE. Tell me, and I shall know what you have meant.

PERV. DOC. Our matters with Cruelty our friend to discuss,
And to hear him, what counsel in this case he will give us;
And this is the cause I have tarried for thee,
Because that to him I would have thee go with me,
But see where he cometh with Avarice sadly walking,
Let us listen, if we can, whereof they be talking.

ACTUS II., SCENA 3.

CRUELTY, AVARICE _enter_. PERVERSE DOCTRINE _and_ IGNORANCE _tarry_.

CRUELTY. Nay, by God's heart, if I might do what I list,
Not one of them all that should 'scape my fist.
His nails,[25] I would plague them one way or another.
I would not miss him, no, if he were mine own brother.
With small faults I might bear as I saw occasion,
And punish or forgive at mine own discretion,
For I wot that sometime the wisest may fall;
But heresy--fie on that, that is the greatest of all.
Every stocks should be full, every prison and jail:
Some would I beat with rods, some scourge at a cart's tail,
Some hoise their heels upward, some beat in a sack,
Some manacle their fingers, some bind in the rack.
Some would I starve for hunger, some would I hang privily,
Saying, that themselves so died desperately.
Some would I accuse of matters of great weight,
Openly to hang them as trespassers straight.
A thousand mo ways could I tell, and not miss,
Which here in England, I may say to you, I have practised ere this,
And trust, by His wounds, Avarice, soon again for to try,
Howsoever the world go, before that I die.

AVARICE. Now I will tell thee, Cruelty, by God's sacrament
I have swore,
It were pity but thou were hanged before.

CRUELTY. Ha, ha, ha; I had as lief they were hanged as I.
By the mass, there is one thing makes me laugh heartily, ha, ha, ha.

AVARICE. I pray thee what is that?

CRUELTY. What? ha, ha, ha; I cannot tell for
laughing, I would never better pastime desire,
Than to hear a dozen of them howling together in the fire;
Whose noise, as me-thinketh, I could best compare
To a cry of hounds following after the hare,
Or a rabblement of bandogs barking at a bear;
Ha, ha, ha.

AVARICE. I beshrew thy knave's fingers with my very heart,
The devil will reward thee, whose darling thou art.
But sirrah, I pray thee--
If it had chanced me in those days in thy hands to have fell,
I think sure thou wouldst have ordered me well.

CRUELTY. His blood, I would I might have once seen that chance,
I would have vexed thee with a vengeance, for old acquaintance.

AVARICE. Why so? I was always thy furderer in those days,
I am sure.

CRUELTY. Yea, but what was the cause? thine own profit to procure.
For so that thou mightest 'vantage and lucre obtain,
Thou wouldest not stick to bring thine own brother to pain.

AVARICE. Ha, ha, ha; no, nor father and mother, if there were
ought to be got,
Thou mightest swear, if I could, I would bring them to the pot.
Whereof a like history I shall tell thee, Cruelty,
In England, which myself played in the days of queen Mary.[26]
Two brothers there were dwelling, young gentlemen; but the heir
Had substantial revenues, his stock also was fair;
A man of good conscience, and studious of the Gospel.
Which the other brother perceiving very well,
Persuaded him by all means, since he was so bent,
To be constant in opinion, and not to relent,
Which done, he gave notice to the officers about,
How they should come with search to find his brother out;
Who, when he was once in this sort apprehended,
Shortly after his life in the fire he ended.
The other had the most part of all his living--
How say'st, sir knave? is not this the near way to thriving?

CRUELTY. O unreasonable Avarice, unsatiable with gain.

AVARICE. What [of] this?[27] tush, it was but a merry train.

CRUELTY. For lucre's sake his own brother to betray?
Hence, Judas, with these doings I cannot away.[28]

AVARICE. I was ever with him, still ready at hand,
Continually suggesting of the house and the land.
And yet to tell you the truth, as indeed the thing is,
Of my conscience I think the best part was his.

CRUELTY. By God's glorious wounds, he was worthy of none;
But thou to be whipped for thy greedy suggestion.

AVARICE. Heart of God, man, be the means better or worse,
I pass not, I, so it be good for the purse.
Ha, ha, ha!

_Enter from behind_ PERVERSE, DOCTRINE _and_ IGNORANCE.

PERV. DOC. If you love the purse so well, Avarice, as you say indeed,
Then help me with your counsel now at a need.

AVARICE. What, Perverse Doctrine, and Ignorance too, were you
both so near?
We had thought at our coming that no man had been here.

IGNORANCE. We have been in this place ever since that you stayed,
And we have heard also whatsoever you have said.

CRUELTY. Welcome both, on my faith, and I am glad it was our chance
To meet with you here, Perverse Doctrine and Ignorance.
Why, how go'th the world? me-thinks you be sad.

PERV. DOC. Marry, God have mercy, but there is small cause
to be glad:
For except you come speedily with your helping hand,
No doubt we shall shortly be banished the land.

AVARICE. Why so, Perverse Doctrine?

CRUELTY. I pray thee, let me understand.

PERV. DOC. Why so! you know: how, since heresy came lately
in place,
And New Custom, that vile schismatic, began to deface
All our old doings, our service, or rites, that of yore
Have been of great price in the old time before:
Ourselves have been enforced almost for to fly
The country, or else covertly in some corner to lie.

CRUELTY. By the mass, that is true, for I dare not appear,
Whosoever would give me twenty pounds lands by the year.

AVARICE. Ha, ha, ha, by God's foot, and I was never in better
case in my life,
For covetousness with the clergy was never so rife.
Wherefore I have no cause in such sort to be grieved,
Yet I would I could tell, sirs, how you might be relieved.

PERV. DOC. Now, sirrah, to mend up this matter withal:
Precious God, it frets me to the very gall.
For now of late that slave, that varlet, that heretic, Light of the
Gospel,
Is come over the sea, as some credibly tell,
Whom New Custom doth use in all matters as a stay,
The most enemy to us in the world alway;
Whose rancour is such, and so great is his spite,
That no doubt he will straightway banish us quite,
Unless we provide some remedy for the contrary,
And with speed; this is truth that I tell thee, Cruelty.

CRUELTY. His wounds, heart and blood, is he come without
any nay?

IGNORANCE. Yea verily, for with these eyes I saw him to-day.

CRUELTY. Now I would he were here, I would so dress the slave,
That I warrant he should bear me a mark to his grave.
First I would buffet him thus, then give him a fall;
Afterward I would dash out his brains at the wall.

AVARICE. Hold your hands, you rude knave, or by God's body I
swear,
I will quickly fetch my fist from your ear.

PERV. DOC. Tush, tush, it avails nought to chafen, or to chide,
It were more wisdom with speed some redress to provide.

CRUELTY. Redress? now, by God's guts, I will never stay,
Till I find means to rid the beast out of the way.
I will cut him off the slampambs,[29] I hold him a crown,
Wheresoever I meet him, in country or town.

IGNORANCE. What order you will take, it were best make
relation,
For mo wits, as you know, may do better than one.

CRUELTY. I will do then whatsoever shall come in my head,
I force not, I,[30] so the villain were dead.

IGNORANCE. And of my furtherance, whatsoever I may do, you
be sure,
Your good state again, if I can, to procure,
With my uttermost help to suppress yonder rascal,
For, by the mass, you papists I like best of all.

PERV. DOC. Then can we not do amiss, I conjecture lightly,
For where as all these come, Perverse Doctrine, Avarice, Ignorance
and Cruelty:
There goeth the hare,[31] except all good luck go away--
But, sirs, it is good, lest your names you descry,
To transpose them after some other kind,
Else be sure with the people much hatred to find.
As for Perverse Doctrine, Sound Doctrine; for Ignorance, Simplicity:
With there colours of late ourselves cloaked have we.

CRUELTY. What then shall I, Cruelty, be called in your judgment?

PERV. DOC. Marry, Justice with Severity, a virtue most excellent.

AVARICE. What will you term Avarice, I pray you let me hear?

PERV. DOC. Even Frugality, for to that virtue it cometh most near.

AVARICE. Content, by his wounds, I; but we must look to our feet,
Lest we stumble in these names, whensoever we meet.

PERV. DOC. Yea, see you take heed to that in any manner of case,
So may you delude the people in every place.

CRUELTY. Come then, it is time hence that away we depart.

IGNORANCE. We are ready to follow with a most willing heart.

AVARICE. But, sirs, because we have tarried so long,
If you be good fellows, let us part with a song.

CRUELTY. I am pleased, and therefore let every man
Follow after in order, as well as he can.

_The first_ SONG.

Well handled, by the mass, on every side.
Come, Avarice; for we two will no longer abide.
[_Exit Cruelty and Avarice._

PERV. DOC. Farewell to you both, and God send you success,
Such as may glad us all in your present business.
Now they be departed, and we may not tarry,
For it lieth us upon all to be stirring, by Saint Mary.
New Custom prevaileth much everywhere,
But, no matter, they be fools that do give him such ear.
Let old custom prevail rather, it is better than new;
This all will confess, that think scripture is true.
Do as thy fathers have done before thee (quoth he):
Then shalt thou be certain in the right way to be.
And sure that is better than to follow the train,
That each man inventeth of his own proper brain.
Which hath brought the world to this case, as we see,
That every day we hear of some notorious heresy.
Yet all is the Gospel, whatsoever they say.
Well, if it chance that a dog hath a day,
Wo then to New Custom and all his mates, tush, tush,
No man the Gospel will esteem then a rush.
What will that other heretic do, Light of the Gospel, I pray?
Dare not once show his face more than we at this day.
But come, Ignorance, let us follow after apace,
For we have abiden all too long in this place.

IGNORANCE. Let us go then, but, by the mass, I am vengeance
dry,
I pray let us drink at the alehouse hereby.

PERV. DOC. Content, in faith, thither with speed let us hie.

FOOTNOTES:

[21] [See Hazlitt's "Handbook," 1867, p. 129, _v._ costume, No. 3.
The phrase seems to be used here to signify expensive foreign fashions
generally.]

[22] The 4to reads _grace_. The alteration by Mr Dodsley.

[23] A proverb. _Tu hai mantillo di ogni acqua._--_S._

[24] _i.e._, The _onset._--_S._

[25] _i.e._, God's nails. So afterwards "By his wounds"--"His
blood"--without repetition of the sacred name by way of
introduction.--_S._

[26] In Fox's third volume of "Ecclesiastical History," 1630, p. 799,
is an account of one Richard Woodman, who was burnt at Lewes, with
nine others, on the 22d of June 1557. The circumstances attending his
apprehension resemble those above-mentioned, and seem to be the same
as are alluded to by the author of this morality.

[27] [_i.e._, What of this?]

[28] An expression of dislike or aversion used by almost every writer
of the times. Ben Jonson's _Cynthia's Revels_, A. iv. S. 5--"Of all
nymphs i' the court, _I cannot away with her_."

_Poetaster_, A. iii. S. 4--"And do not bring your eating player with
you there; _I cannot away with her_."

_Bartholomew Fair_, A. i. S. 6--"Good 'faith, I will eat heartily too,
because I will be no Jew, _I could never away with_ that stiff-necked
generation." [Gifford's edit. iv. 400-1.]

[29] [Beat him by stratagem. See Halliwell's Diet, in _v._]

[30] _i.e._, I care not. Camden in his "Remains" says, "I _force_ not
of such fooleries." Shakspeare has the same phrase.--_S._

[31] [In that direction sets the tide of opinion. This saying is in
Heywood's collection, 1562.]

ACTUS III., SCENA 1.

LIGHT OF THE GOSPEL, NEW CUSTOM, PERVERSE DOCTRINE.

L. OF GOSPEL. They be not this way, as far as I can see,
Unless they have hidden themselves up privily.
For in presence of Light of the Gospel and Primitive Constitution,
Undoubtedly such reprobates can have no habitation.

NEW CUS. Verily I do find it so even as you have said,
For at your sight they all fly away as dismayed.
Wherefore I have great cause to give you thanks, Light
Of the Gospel, that put thus my enemies to flight.

L. OF GOSPEL. Nay, they be my enemies also, that be enemies
to you.
Insomuch as your dealings be both virtuous and true.
For what is the Gospel else, whereof I am Light,
But truth, equity, verity and right?
They be enemies to God too, and all liars impure,
Insomuch as he is called Verity in the scripture.
And the lying lips, with speakers of vanity,
The Lord himself will revenge with extremity.
But see, what is he that approacheth so nigh?

NEW CUS. Of whom I told you: it is Perverse Doctrine verily.