Chapter V: L. And I also with you do thereto agree

A pleasant noise to God's ears it must needs bring,
That God's Promise, Honour, and Virtuous Life do sing.

_They sing this Song following._

_Life is but short, hope not therein;
Virtue immortal seek for to win.
Whoso to virtue doth apply,
Good fame and honour must obtain.
And also live eternally,
For virtuous life this is the gain.
Life is but, &c._

_God's promise sure will never fail;
His holy word is a perfect ground;
The fort of virtue, O man, assail,
Where treasure always doth abound.
Life is but, etc._

_To thee alone be laud and praise,
O Lord, that are so merciful;
Who never failed at all assays,
To aid and help the pitiful.
Life is but, etc._ [_Exeunt omnes._

[_Here entereth in_ NICHOL NEWFANGLE, _and bringeth in with him a
bag, a staff, a bottle, and two halters, going about the place,
showing it unto the audience, and singeth thus:_]

Trim mer-chandise, trim trim: trim mer-chandise, trim trim.

[_He may sing this as oft as he thinketh good._]

Marry, here is merchandise, who so list for to buy any:
Come, see for your love, and buy for your money,
This is land, which I must distribute anon,
According to my promise, ere I be gone,
For why Tom Tosspot, since he went hence,
Hath increased a noble just unto nine-pence,[351]
And Ralph Roister, it may no otherwise be chosen,
Hath brought a pack of wool to a fair pair of hosen.
This is good thrift, sirs, learn it who shall,
And now a couple of fellows are come from Cutpurse Hall;
And there have they brought many a purse to wrack.
Lo, here is gear that will make their necks for to crack.
For I promised Tom Tosspot and Ralph Roister a piece of land:
Lo, here it is ready in my right hand:
A wallet and a bottle; but it is not to be sold.
I told them before, that of Beggar's Manor it did hold,
And for Cuthbert Cutpurse and Pierce Pickpurse here is good fare:
This is the land of the two-legged mare,
Which I to them promised, and [to] divide it with discretion:
Shortly you shall see I will put them in possession.
How like you this merchandise, my masters? Is it not trim?
A wallet, a bottle, a staff, and a string,
How say'st thou, Wat Waghalter? Is not this a trim thing?
In faith, Ralph Roister is in good case, as I suppose;
For he hath lost all that he hath, save his doublet and his hose,
And Tom Tosspot is even at that same point;
For he would lose a limb or jeopard a joint;
But, behold, yonder they come both, now all is gone and spent,
I know their errand, and what is their intent.

[_Here entereth in_ RALPH ROISTER _and_ TOM TOSSPOT _in their
doublet and their hose, and no cap nor hat on their head, saving a
nightcap, because the strings of the beards may not be seen, and_
RALPH ROISTER _must curse and ban as he cometh in._[352]]

RALPH. Well, be as be may, is no banning;
But I fear that, when that this gear shall come to scanning,
The land to the which we did wholly trust:
Shall be gone from us, and we cast in the dust.

TOM. Gog's blood, if Nichol Newfangle serve us so,
We may say, that we have had a shrewd blow;
For all that I had is now lost at the dice,
My sword, my buckler, and all at sink and cise;[353]
My coat, my cloak, and my hat also;
And now in my doublet and my hose I am fain to go.
Therefore, if Nichol Newfangle help not now at a pinch
I am undone, for of land I have not an inch.

RALPH. By Gog's wounds, even so is it now with me,
I am in my doublet and my hosen, as you see:
For all that I had doth lie at pledge for ale.
By the mass, I am as bare as my nail,
Not a cross of money to bless me have I;
But I trow we shall meet Nichol Newfangle by and by.
[NICHOL NEWFANGLE _comes forward_.

NEW. Turn hither, turn hither, I say, sir knave,
For I am even he, that you so fain would have.

RALPH. What, Master Nichol, are you here all this while?

NEW. I think I am here, or else I do thee beguile.

TOM. So God help me, I am glad that you be in sight;
For in faith your presence hath made my heart light.

NEW. I will make it lighter anon, I trow. [_Aside._
My masters, I have a piece of land for you, do you know?

RALPH. Marry, that is the cause of our hither resort.
For now we are void of all joy and comfort.

TOM. You see in what case we now stand in,
And you heard us also even now, I ween,
Wherefore, good Master Nichol, let us have this land now,
And we shall think ourselves much bound unto you.

NEW. You know, that I this land must divide,
Which I shall do; but a while abide.
All thy goods for ale at pledge be (_to Tom_),
And thou (_to Ralph_) say'st a pair of dice have made thee free.[354]
First, Ralph Roister, come thou unto me,
Because thou hast lost every whit at dice,
[_He giveth the bag to_ R. ROISTER, _and the
bottle to_ TOM TOSSPOT.

Take there this bag to carry bread and cheese,
And take thou this bottle, and mark what I shall say:
If he chance to eat the bread and cheese by the way,
Do thou in this matter follow my counsel,
Drink up the drink, and knock him about the head with the bottle;
And because that Ralph is the elder knave,
This staff also of me he shall have.[355]

RALPH. But where is the land, that to us you promised?

NEW. In faith, good fellows, my promise is performed.

TOM. By Gog's blood, I thought that it would be so.

NEW. This must you have, whe'r you will or no,
Or else fall to work with shovel and with spade;
For begging now must be your chiefest trade.

RALPH. Gog's heart, can I away[356] with this life?
To beg my bread from door to door?
I will rather cut my throat with a knife,
Than I will live thus beggarly and poor.
By Gog's blood, rather than I will it assay,
I will rob and steal, and keep the highway.

TOM. Well, Ralph Roister, seeing we be in this misery,
And labour we cannot, and to beg it is a shame;
Yet better it is to beg most shamefully,
Than to be hanged, and to thievery[357] ourselves frame.

NEW. Now, my masters, learn to beware;
But like will to like, quoth the Devil to the Collier.

RALPH. O Lord, why did not I consider before,
What should of roisting be the final end.
Now the horse is stolen, I shut the stable-door.
Alas, that I had time my life to amend!
Time I have, I must needs confess;
But yet in misery that time must be spent:
Seeing that my life I would not redress;
But wholly in riot I have it all spent;
Wherefore I am now brought to this exigent.
But the time pass'd cannot be called, this is no nay.
Wherefore all here take example by me:
Time tarrieth no man, but passeth still away;
Take time, while time is, for time doth flee;
Use well your youthly years, and to virtuous lore agree.
For if I to virtue had any respect,
This misfortune to me could not have chanced;
But because unto vice I was a subject,
To no good fame may I be now advanced.
My credit also is now quite stanched.
Wherefore I would all men my woful case might see,
That I to them a mirror might be.

TOM. O all ye parents, to you I do say:
Have respect to your children and for their education,
Lest you answer therefore at the latter day,
And your meed shall be eternal damnation.
If my parents had brought me up in virtue and learning,
I should not have had this shameful end;
But all licentiously was my up-bringing,
Wherefore learn by me your faults to amend.
But neither in virtue, learning, or yet honest trade,
Was I bred up my living for to get:
Therefore in misery my time away must vade;
For vicious persons behold now the net.
I am in the snare, I am caught with the gin;
And now it is too late, I cannot again begin.

NEW. This gear would have been seen to before,
But now, my masters, you are on the score.
Be packing, I say, and get you hence;
Learn to say: I pray, good master, give me nine-pence.

RALPH. Thou, villain, art only the causer of this woe;
Therefore thou shalt have somewhat of me, or ere I go.

TOM. Thou hast given me a bottle here;
But thou shalt drink first of it, be it ale or beer.

[RALPH ROISTER _beateth him with his staff, and_ TOM TOSSPOT _with his
bottle_.

RALPH. Take this of me, before I go hence.

TOM. Take that of me in part of recompense.

NEW. Now am I driven to play the master of fence.
Come no near[358] me, you knaves, for your life,
[_They have him down, and beat him, and he
crieth for help._

Lest I stick you both with this woodknife.
Back, I say! back, thou sturdy beggar!
Body of me, they have ta'en away my dagger.

RALPH. Now, in faith, you whoreson, take heed, I you advise,
How you do any more young men entice.

TOM. Now, farewell, thou hast thy just meed.

Ralph. Now we go abegging, God send us good speed!

[RALPH ROISTER _and_ TOM TOSSPOT _go out, and_ SEVERITY, _the
judge, entereth, and_ NICHOL NEWFANGLE _lieth on the ground
groaning_.

SEV. That upright judgment without partiality
Be minist'red duly to ill-doers and offenders!
I am one, whose name is Severity,
Appointed a judge to suppress evil-doers,
Not for hatred nor yet for malice:
But to advance virtue and suppress vice.
Wherefore Isodorus these words doth say:
_Non est Judex, si in eo non est Justitia!_
He is not a judge that Justice doth want,
But he that truth and equity doth plant.

Fully also these words doth express,
Which words are very true doubtless.
_Semper iniquus est judex, qui aut invidet aut favet_:
They are unrightful judges all,
That are either envious or else partial.

NEW. Help me up, good sir, for I have got a fall.

SEV. What cause have you, my friend, thus heavily to groan?

NEW. O sir, I have good cause to make great moan;
Here were two fellows but right now,
That (I think) have killed me, I make God a vow.
I pray you, tell me, am I alive or am I dead?

SEV. Fellow, it is more meet for thee to be in thy bed,
Than to lie here in such sort as thou dost.

NEW. In faith, I should have laid some of the knaves in the dust,
If I had had your sword right now in presence;
I would have had a leg or an arm, ere they had gone hence.

SEV. Who is it that hath done thee this injury?

NEW. A couple of beggars have done me this villainy.

SEV. I see, if severity should not be executed,
One man should not live by another.
If such injuries should not be confuted,
The child would regard neither father nor mother.
Give me thy hand, and I shall help thee.

NEW. Hold fast your sword then, I pray you heartily.
[_He riseth._

SEV. Now, friend, it appeareth unto me,
That you have been a traveller of the country
And such as travel do hear of things done,
As well in the country, as the city of London.
How say you, my friend, can you tell any news

NEW. That can I, for I came lately from the stews.
There are knaves abroad, you may believe me,
As in this place shortly you shall see.
No more words, but mum, and stand awhile aside:
Yonder cometh two knaves; therefore abide.

_Intrat_ C. CUTPURSE _and_ PIERCE PICKPURSE.

CUTHB. By Gog's wounds, if he help not now, we are undone:
By the mass, for my part, I wot not whither to run.

PIERCE. We be so pursu'd on every side
That, by Gog's heart, I wot not where to abide.

CUTHB. Every constable is charged to make privy search;
So that, if we may be got, we shall be thrown over the perch.

PIERCE. If Nichol Newfangle help us not now in our need,
We are like in our business full evil to speed.
Therefore let us make no delay,
But seek him out of hand, and be gone away.

SEVERITY _and_ N. NEWFANGLE _come forward_.

NEW. Soft, my masters, awhile I you pray;
For I am here, for whom you do seek;
For you know that like will never from like.
I promised you of late a piece of land,
Which by and by shall fall into your hand.

CUTHB. What, Master Nichol! how do you to-day?

PIERCE. For the passion of God, Master Nichol, help to rid us away;
And help us to the land, whereof you did say,
That we might make money of it by and by;
For out of the realm we purpose to fly.

NEW. Marry, I will help you, I swear by All Hallows:
And will not part from you, till you come to the gallows.
Lo, noble Severity, these be they without doubt.
On whom this rumour of thievery[359] is gone about,
Therefore, my masters, here is the snare,
That shall lead you to the land, called the two-legged mare.
[_He putteth about each of their necks a halter._

SEV. My friend, hold them fast even in that plight.

NEW. Then come, and help me with your sword; for I fear they will
fight.

SEV. Strive not, my masters; for it shall not avail;
But awhile give ear unto my counsel.
Your own words hath condemned you for to die;
Therefore to God make yourselves ready.
And by and by I will send one, which for your abusion,
Shall lead you to the place of execution.

NEW. Help to tie their hands, before ye be gone.

[SEV. _helpeth to tie them_.

SEV. Now they are bound, I will send one to you anon.
[_Exit._

NEW. Ah, my masters, how like you this play?
You shall take possession of your land to-day!
I will help to bridle the two-legged mare,
And both you for to ride need not to spare.
Now, so God help me, I swear by this bread,
I marvel who shall play the knave, when you twain be dead.

CUTHB. O cursed caitiff, born in an evil hour,
Woe unto me, that ever I did thee know.
For of all iniquity thou art the bow'r;
The seed of Satan thou dost always sow.
Thou only hast given me the overthrow.
Woe worth the hour, wherein I was born!
Woe worth the time that ever I knew thee!
For now in misery I am forlorn;
O, all youth take example by me:
Flee from evil company, as from a serpent you would flee;
For I to you all a mirror may be.
I have been daintily and delicately bred,
But nothing at all in virtuous lore:
And now I am but a man dead,
Hanged I must be, which grieveth me full sore.
Note well the end of me therefore;
And you that fathers and mothers be,
Bring not up your children in too much liberty.

PIERCE. Sith that by the law we are now condemned,
Let us call to God for his mercy and his grace;
And exhort that all vice may be amended,
While we in this world have time and space.
And though our lives have licentiously been spent,
Yet at the last to God let us call;
For he heareth such as are ready to repent,
And desireth not that sinners should fall.
Now are we ready to suffer, come when it shall.

_Here ent'reth in_ HANKIN HANGMAN.

NEW. Come, Hankin Hangman, let us two cast lots,
And between us divide a couple of coats:
Take thou the one, and the other shall be mine.
Come, Hankin Hangman, thou cam'st in good time.
[_They take off the coats, and divide them._

HANKIN. Thou should'st have one, Nichol, I swear by the mass,
For thou bringest work for me daily to pass;
And through thy means I get more coats in one year,
Than all my living is worth beside, I swear.
Therefore, Nichol Newfangle, we will depart never:
For like will to like, quoth the Devil to the Collier.

NEW. Now, farewell, Hankin Hangman, farewell to thee.

HANKIN. Farewell, Nichol Newfangle: come you two with me.
[HANKIN _goeth out, and leadeth the one in his
right hand, and the other in his left,
having halters about their necks_.

NEW. Ha, ha, ha! there is a brace of hounds, well worth a dozen crowns,
Behold the huntsman leadeth away!
I think in twenty towns, on hills, and eke on downs.
They taken have their prey.
So well liked was their hunting on hill and eke on mountain,
That now they be up in a lease:[360]
To keep within a string, is it not a gay thing?
Do all of you hold your peace?
Why then, good gentle boy, how likest thou this play?
No more, but say thy mind:
I swear by this day, if thou wilt this assay,
I will to thee be kind.
This is well brought to pass of me, I swear by the mass:
Some to hang, and other some to beg:
I would I had Balaam's ass to carry me, where I was;
How say you, little Meg?
Ralph Roister and Tom Tosspot, are now not worth a groat,
So well with them it is:
I would I had a pot, for now I am so hot,
By the mass, I must go piss.
Philip Fleming and Hance have danc'd a pretty dance,
That all is now spent out.
And now a great mischance came on while they did prance:
They lie sick of the gout.
And in a 'spital-house, with little Laurence louse,
They be fain for to dwell:
If they eat a moisel of souse, or else a roasted mouse,
They think they do fare well.
But as for Peter Pickpurse, and also Cuthbert Cutpurse,
You saw them both right now:
With them it is much worse, for they do ban and curse;
For the halter shall them bow.
Now if I had my nag, to see the world wag,
I would straight ride about:
Ginks, do fill the bag. I would not pass a rag
To hit you on the snout.

_The_ DEVIL _entereth_.

LU. Ho, ho, ho! mine own boy, make no more delay,
But leap up on my back straightway.

NEW. Then who shall hold my stirrup, while I go to horse?

LU. Tush, for that do thou not force!
Leap up, I say, leap up quickly.

NEW. Woh, Ball, woh! and I will come by and by.
Now for a pair of spurs I would give a good groat!
To try whether this jade do amble or trot.
Farewell, my masters, till I come again,
For now I must make a journey into Spain.
[_He rideth away on the_ DEVIL'S _back. Here
entereth_ VIRTUOUS LIFE _and_ HONOUR.

V. L. O worthy diadem, O jewel most precious,
O virtue, which dost all worldly things excel:
How worthy a treasure thou art to the virtuous?
Thy praise no pen may write, nor no tongue tell.
For I, who am called Virtuous Life,
Have in this world both honour and dignity:
Immortal fame of man, child and wife,
Daily waiteth and attendeth on me.
The commodity of virtue in me you may behold,
The enormity of vice you have also seen:
Therefore now to make an end we may be bold,
And pray for our noble and gracious Queen.

HONOUR. To do so, Virtuous Life, it is our bounden duty;
And because we must do so, before we do end,
To aid us therein, Good Fame cometh verily,
Which daily and hourly on you doth attend.

_Here entereth_ GOOD FAME.

G. F. Virtuous Life, do what you list:
To pray or to sing I will you assist.