Chapter XI: Act II: (A couple of hours have elapsed.)

ENTER _Libanus_ WITH WORRIED AIR.

_Lib._

Hercle vero, Libane, nunc te meliust expergiscier
atque argento comparando fingere fallaciam. 250
iam diu est factum
quom discesti ab ero atque abiisti ad forum,[8] (251)
ibi tu ad hoc diei tempus dormitasti in otio. (253)

By gad, Libanus, you’d certainly better rouse yourself now
and contrive some trick for collecting that cash. It’s a
long time since you left your master and hied yourself to
the forum, to loaf and snooze away there till this time
of day.

quin tu abs te socordiam omnem reice et segnitiem amove
atque ad ingenium vetus versutum te recipis tuom
serva erum, cave tu idem faxis alii quod servi solent,
qui ad eri fraudationem callidum ingenium gerunt.

Come on, shake off all this dull sloth, away with
sluggishness, yes, and get back that old gift of guile of
yours! Save your master: mind you don’t do the same as other
servants that use their wily wits to gull him.

unde sumam? quem intervortam? quo hanc celocem conferam?
impetritum, inauguratumst quovis admittunt aves,
picus et cornix ab laeva, corvos parra ab dextera 260
consuadent; certum herclest vostram consequi sententiam.

(_pause_) Where shall I get it? Who shall I swindle?
Where shall I steer this cutter? (_looking upwards, then
jubilantly_) I’ve got my auspices, my auguries: the birds
let me steer it where I please! Woodpecker and crow on the
left, raven and barn owl on the right. “Go ahead,” they
say! By Jove, I’ll follow your advice, I certainly will.

sed quid hoc, quod picus ulmum tundit? non temerariumst.
certe hercle ego quantum ex augurio eius pici intellego,
aut mihi in mundo sunt virgae aut atriensi Saureae
sed quid illuc quod exanimatus currit huc Leonida?
metuo quom illic obscaevavit meae falsae fallaciae.

(_looking upward again_) What’s this, though,--the
woodpecker tapping an elm?[C] That’s not for nothing!
Lord! So far as I understand the omen of this woodpecker,
that certainly means there are rods in pickle for me, or for
steward Saurea. (_looking down street_) But what’s wrong--
Leonida running up here all out of breath? I’m afraid now
that the bird there has predicted trouble for my artful
arts.

[Footnote C: The elm corresponded to our birch in being
used for corporal punishment.]

II. 2.

Scene 2.

ENTER _Leonida_ IN GREAT EXCITEMENT, WITHOUT SEEING
_Libanus._

_Leon._

Ubi ego nunc Libanum requiram aut familiarem filium,
ut ego illos lubentiores faciam quam Lubentiast?
maximam praedam et triumphum eis adfero adventu meo
quando mecum pariter potant, pariter scortari solent, 270
hanc quidem, quam nactus, praedam pariter cum illis partiam.

Where shall I look for Libanus now, or young master, so that
I can make them more delighted than Delight herself? Oh, the
mighty prize and triumph my coming confers on ’em! Seeing
they guzzle along with me, and chase the girls along with
me, I’ll certainly go shares in this prize I’ve got along
with them.

_Lib._

Illic homo aedis compilavit, more si fecit suo.
vae illi, qui tam indiligenter observavit ianuam.

(_aside_) The fellow’s been robbing a house if he’s acted
naturally. Lord help the poor devil that minded the door so
carelessly!

_Leon._

Aetatem velim servire, Libanum ut conveniam modo.

I’d be willing to slave it all my life, only let me meet
Libanus.

_Lib._

Mea quidem hercle opera liber numquam fies ocius.

(_aside_) By Jove, you’ll never be free a minute sooner for
any help you get from me.

_Leon._

Etiam de tergo ducentas plagas praegnatis dabo.

I’ll even give two hundred swollen welts from off my back to
see him.

_Lib._

Largitur peculium, omnem in tergo thensaurum gerit.

(_aside_) He’s generous with what he has: carries all his
coffers on his back.

_Leon._

Nam si huic sese occasioni tempus supterduxerit,
numquam edepol quadrigis albis indipiscet postea;
erum in obsidione linquet, inimicum animos auxerit. 280
sed si mecum occasionem opprimere hanc, quae obvenit, studet,
maximas opimitates, gaudio exfertissimas
suis eris ille una mecum pariet, gnatoque et patri,
adeo ut aetatem ambo ambobus nobis sint obnoxii,
nostro devincti beneficio.

For if this chance is let slide, he’ll never catch it again,
by Jove, not with a chariot and four, white[D] horses. He’ll
be leaving his master under siege and increasing the courage
of his enemies. But if he’s ready to take part with me and
pounce on this opportunity that’s turned up, he’ll be my
partner in hatching the biggest, joy-stuffedest jubilee that
ever was for his masters, son and father both, yes, and put
the pair of ’em under obligations to the pair of us for
life, too, chained tight by our services.

[Footnote D: White horses were supposed to be the fastest.]

_Lib._

Vinctos nescio quos ait;
non placet: metuo, in commune ne quam fraudem frausus sit.

(_aside_) Chained, he says: some one or other chained!
I don’t like it. I’m afraid he’s been trumping up some
trumpery that’ll involve the both of us.

_Leon._

Perii ego oppido, nisi Libanum invenio iam, ubiubi est gentium.

(_quivering with excitement_) I’m absolutely done for, if I
don’t find Libanus at once, wherever he is.

_Lib._

Illic homo socium ad malam rem quaerit quem adiungat sibi.
non placet: pro monstro extemplo est, quando qui sudat tremit.

That chap’s after a mate to yoke with in a race for a
thrashing. I don’t like it! it means something bad soon,
when a man in a sweat shivers.

_Leon._

Sed quid ego his properans concesso pedibus. lingua largior? 290
quin ego hanc iubeo tacere, quae loquens lacerat diem?

But why am I holding in my feet and letting out my tongue,
and I in such a hurry? Why don’t I tell it to shut up, with
its wagging the day to shreds?

_Lib._

Edepol hominem infelicem, qui patronam conprimat.
nam si quid sceleste fecit, lingua pro illo perierat.

(_aside_) Good Lord! Poor devil--choking off his patroness!
Why, once he’s been up to some rascality, it’s that same
tongue perjures herself for him.

_Leon._

Adproperabo, ne post tempus praedae praesidium parem.

I’ll cut along, so as not to procure protection for the
prize when it’s too late. (_moves away_)

_Lib._

Quae illaec praeda est? ibo advorsum atque electabo, quidquid est.
iubeo te salvere voce summa, quo ad vires valent.

What’s that prize? I’ll up and worm it out of him, whatever
it is. (_aloud_) Good day to you--(_raising his voice,
Leonida having paid no attention_) as loud a one as my lungs
allow!

_Leon._

Gymnasium flagri, salveto.

Ah there, (_turning and stopping_) you whip developer!

_Lib._

Quid agis, custos carceris?

How goes it, gaol guard?

_Leon._

O catenarum colone.

Oh you fetter farmer.

_Lib._

O virgarum lascivia.

Oh you rod tickler!

_Leon._

Quot pondo ted esse censes nudum?

How much do you think you weigh, stripped?

_Lib._

Non edepol scio.

Lord! I don’t know.

_Leon._

Scibam ego te nescire, at pol ego, qui ted expendi, scio: 300
nudus vinctus centum pondo es, quando pendes per pedes.

I knew you didn’t know: but by the Lord, I know for I’ve
weighed you. Stripped and tied you weigh a hundred pounds--
when you’re hanging by your heels.

_Lib._

Quo argumento istuc?

What’s your proof of that?

_Leon._

Ego dicam, quo argumento et quo modo.
ad pedes quando adligatumst aequom centumpondium,
ubi manus manicae complexae sunt atque adductae ad trabem,
nec dependes nec propendes--quin malus nequamque sis.

I’ll tell you my proof and my method. When a fair hundred-
weight is fastened to your feet, with the handcuffs hugging
your hands lashed to a beam, you’re not a bit under or over
the weight of--a good-for-nothing rascal.

_Lib._

Vae tibi.

You be damned!

_Leon._

Hoc testamento Servitus legat tibi.

Precisely what you are down for yourself in Slavery’s will.

_Lib._

Verbivelitationem fieri compendi volo.
quid istud est negoti?

Let’s cut short this war of words. What’s that business of
yours?

_Leon._

Certum est credere,

I’ve determined to trust you.

_Lib._

Audacter licet.

You can--boldly.

_Leon._

Sis amanti subvenire familiari filio,
tantum adest boni inproviso, verum commixtum malo: 310
omnes de nobis carnificum concelebrabuntur dies.
Libane, nunc audacia usust nobis inventa et dolis.
tantum facinus modo inveni ego, ut nos dicamur duo
omnium dignissumi esse, quo cruciatus confluant,

If you’ve got a mind to help the young master in his love
affair, there’s such an unexpected supply of good
luck come to hand--mixed with bad, though--that the public
torturers will have a regular festival at our expense every
day. Libanus, now we need grit and guile. I’ve just now come
upon such a deed for us to do, that we two will be called
the worthiest men alive--to be where the torture’s thickest.

_Lib._

Ergo mirabar quod dudum scapulae gestibant mihi,
hariolari quae occeperunt, sibi esse in mundo malum.
quidquid est, eloquere.

(_dryly_) Aha! I was wondering what made my shoulders
tingle a while ago: they began prognosticating trouble was
in pickle for ’em. Whatever it is, out with it!

_Leon._

Magna est praeda cum magno malo.

It’s a big prize and a big risk.

_Lib._

Si quidem omnes coniurati cruciamenta conferant,
habeo opinor familiare tergum, ne quaeram foris.

No matter if they all combine to pile the torments on,
I fancy I’ve got a back of my own, without having to look
for one outside.

_Leon._

Si istam firmitudinem animi optines, salvi sumus. 320

That’s the spirit, hold to it and we’re safe.

_Lib._

Quin si tergo res solvenda est, rapere cupio publicum:
pernegabo atque obdurabo, periurabo denique.

Pooh! if it’s my back that is to pay the score, I’m ripe
for sacking the Treasury: then I’ll say up and down I
didn’t, stick to it I didn’t, yes, yes, take my solemn
oath I didn’t.

_Leon._

Em ista virtus est, quando usust qui malum fert fortiter;
fortiter malum qui patitur, idem post potitur bonum.

There! That’s courage--to take hard knocks like a man when
occasion calls. The chap that endures hard knocks like a man
enjoys a soft time later on.

_Lib._

Quin rem actutum edisseris? cupio malum nanciscier.

Why don’t you hurry up and unfold your tale? I long for some
hard knocks.

_Leon._

Placide ergo unum quidquid rogita, ut adquiescam. non vides
me ex cursura anhelitum etiam ducere?

Easy then with each question, so that I can get a rest.
Don’t you see I’m still puffing after that run of mine?

_Lib._

Age, age, mansero
tuo arbitratu, vel adeo usque dum peris.

All right, all right, I’ll wait till you’re ready, yes,
ready to expire, for that matter.

_Leon._

Ubinam est erus?

(_after a pause_) Where the deuce is master?

_Lib._

Maior apud forumst, minor hic est intus.

Old one’s at the forum, young one’s inside here. (_pointing
to Clearetas house_)

_Leon._

Iam satis est mihi.

That’ll do! I’m satisfied.

_Lib._

Tum igitur tu dives es factus?

Satisfied? So you’re a millionaire already, are you?

_Leon._

Mitte ridicularia. 330

Don’t try to be funny.

_Lib._

Mitto.[9] istuc quod adfers aures exspectant meae.

I won’t. (_grandly_) My ears await your tidings.

_Leon._

Animum adverte, ut aeque mecum haec scias.

Listen here, and you’ll know about things as well as I do.

_Lib._

Taceo.

I’m dumb.

_Leon._

Beas.
meministin asinos Arcadicos mercatori Pellaeo
nostrum vendere atriensem?

(_ironically_) Oh, bliss! Do you remember those Arcadian
asses our steward sold to the merchant from Pella?

_Lib._

Memini. quid tum postea?

I do. Well, what next?

_Leon._

Em ergo is argentum huc remisit, quod daretur Saureae
pro asinis. adulescens venit modo, qui id argentum attulit.

Now then! He’s sent the money for ’em, to be paid to Saurea.
A young chap’s just arrived with it.

_Lib._

Ubi is homost?

(_with a start_) Where is he?

_Leon._

Iam devorandum censes, si conspexeris?

Think he ought to be swallowed down the minute you spy him,
eh?

_Lib._

Ita enim vero. sed tamen, tu nempe eos asinos praedicas
vetulos, claudos, quibus subtritae ad femina iam erant ungulae? 340

Aye, that I do! But let me see, of course you mean those
poor old lame asses with their hoofs worn away up to their
hocks?

_Leon._

Ipsos, qui tibi subvectabant rure hue virgas ulmeas.

Precisely! the ones that used to come down from the farm
with loads of elm rods for you.

_Lib._

Teneo, atque idem te hinc vexerunt vinctum rus.

I have you: yes, the same ones that carried you off to the
farm in fetters.

_Lib._

Memor es probe,
verum in tonstrina ut sedebam, me infit percontarier,
ecquem filium Stratonis noverim Demaenetum.
dico me novisse extemplo et me eius servom praedico
esse, et aedis demonstravi nostras.

Remarkable memory, yours! However, when I was in the
barber’s chair he speaks up and asks me if I know a
Demaenetus, the son of Strato. I say yes at once, and
declare that I’m his servant, and I told him where our
house was.

_Lib._

Quid tum postea?

Well, what next?

_Leon._

Ait se ob asinos ferre argentum atriensi Saureae,
viginti minas, sed eum sese non nosse hominem qui siet,
ipsum vero se novisse callide Demaenetum.
quoniam ille elocutus haec sic--

He says he’s bringing money for the asses to steward Saurea,
eighty pounds; but that he doesn’t know the man at all: says
he knows Demaenetus himself well, though. After he had given
me an account of things this way--

_Lib._

Quid tum?

What next?

_Leon._

Ausculta ergo, scies. 350
extemplo facio facetum me atque magnificum virum,
dico med esse atriensem. sic hoc respondit mihi:
“ego pol Sauream non novi neque qua facie sit scio.
te non aequomst suscensere. si erum vis Demaenetum,
quem ego novi, adduce: argentum non morabor quin feras.”

Well, listen and you’ll find out. Instantly I pose as a
fine, superior sort of creature and tell him I am the
steward. Here’s the way he answered me: “Well, well,” says
he, “I am not acquainted with Saurea personally and I don’t
know what he looks like. You have no reason to take offence.
Bring along your master Demaenetus whom I do know, if you
please: I’ll let you have the money without delay.”

ego me dixi erum adducturum et me domi praesto fore;
ille in balineas iturust, inde huc veniet postea.
quid nunc consili captandum censes? dic.

I told him I would bring my master and be at home waiting
for him. He’s going to the baths: then he’ll be here later.
What do you propose now for a plan of campaign? Tell me.

_Lib._

Em istuc ago,
quo modo argento intervortam et adventorem et Sauream.
iam hoc opus est exasciato[10]; nam si ille argentum prius 360
hospes huc affert, continuo nos ambo exclusi sumus.
nam me hodie senex seduxit solum sorsum ab aedibus,
mihi tibique interminatust nos futuros ulmeos,
ni hodie Argyrippo essent viginti argenti minae;

(_thinking_) That’s the point! Just what I’m casting about
for--some way to relieve newcomer and Saurea of the cash.
We must have our scheme roughed out at once; for let that
stranger fetch his money before we’re ready and the next
minute we’re both shut out of it. You see, the old man took
me aside out of the house to-day all by myself: swore he’d
made the pair of us perfectly elmy, if eighty pounds was not
forthcoming for Argyrippus this very day.

iussit vel nos atriensem vel nos uxorem suam
defraudare, dixit sese operam promiscam dare.
nunc tu abi ad forum ad erum et narra haec ut nos acturi sumus:
te ex Leonida futurum esse atriensem Sauream,
dum argentum afferat mercator pro asinis.

He gave us orders to do the steward out of it, or else his
wife: said he’d stand by us whichever it was. Now you be off
to the forum to master and tell him what our game will be:
that you are going to change from Leonida to steward Saurea
when the trader brings the money for the asses.

_Leon._

Faciam ut iubes.

I’ll do as you say. (_moves off_)

_Lib._

Ego illum interea hic oblectabo, prius si forte advenerit. 370

I’ll entertain him here myself meanwhile, if he happens to
come before you do.

_Leon._

Quid ais?

(_halting_) I say.

_Lib._

Quid vis?

What do you want?

_Leon._

Pugno malam si tibi percussero,
mox cum Sauream imitabor, caveto ne suscenseas.

(_gravely_) In case I punch your jaw for you later on when
I’m imitating Saurea, take care you don’t get angry.

_Lib._

Hercle vero tu cavebis ne me attingas, si sapis,
ne hodie malo cum auspicio nomen commutaveris.

By gad, you’d just better take care yourself not to touch
me, if you know what’s what, or you’ll find you’ve picked
an unlucky day for changing your name.

_Leon._

Quaeso, aequo animo patitor.

Come, come, put up with it patiently.

_Lib._

Patitor tu item, cum ego te referiam.

Yes, and you put up with it when I hit you back.

_Leon._

Dico ut usust fieri.

I’m telling how it’s got to be done.

_Lib._

Dico hercle ego quoque ut facturus sum.

And by the Lord, I’m telling how I’m going to do it.

_Leon._

Ne nega.

Don’t refuse.

_Lib._

Quin promitto, inquam, hostire contra ut merueris.

Oh, I agree, I agree--to pay you back all you earn.

_Leon._

Ego abeo, tu iam, scio, patiere. sed quis hic est? is est,
ille est ipsus. iam ego recurro huc. tu hunc interea his tene.
volo seni narrare.

(_turning to go_) I’m off: you’ll put up with it now, I know
you will. (_looking down street_) Hullo! Who’s this! It’s
he, the very man! I’ll hurry back here soon! You keep him
here while I’m gone. I must tell the old man. (_stops to
look again_)

_Lib._

Quin tuom officium facis ergo ac fugis? 380

(_sneeringly_) Why don’t you play your part then, and--run
away? [EXIT _Leonida_.

II. 3.

Scene 3.

ENTER _Trader_, WITH SERVANT.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Ut demonstratae sunt mihi, hasce aedis esse oportet,
Demaenetus ubi dicitur habitare. i, puere, pulta
atque atriensem Sauream, si est intus, evocato huc.

(_looking at house of Demaenetus_) According to directions,
this must be the house where they say Demaenetus lives. (_to
servant_) Go knock, my lad, and if steward Saurea is in
there, call him out. (_servant goes toward house_)

_Lib._

Quis nostras sic frangit fores? ohe, inquam, si quid audis.

(_stepping forward_) Who’s that battering our door so?
Whoa there, I say--if you’re not deaf!

_Merc._
_Trader_

Nemo etiam tetigit. sanun es?

No one has touched it yet. Are you in your senses?

_Lib._

At censebam attigisse
propterea, huc quia habebas iter. nolo ego fores conservas
meas a te verberarier. sane ego sum amicus nostris.

Well, I was thinking you had touched it, seeing you were
making this way. I don’t want you to beat that door--it’s a
fellow servant of mine. I tell you what, I love my fellow
servants.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Pol haud periclum est, cardines ne foribus effringantur,
si istoc exemplo omnibus qui quaerunt respondebis.

Gad! No danger of the door being battered off its hinges,
if you answer all callers in that style.

_Lib._

Ita haec morata est ianua: extemplo ianitorem 390
clamat, procul si quem videt ire ad se calcitronem.
sed quid venis? quid quaeritas?

Here’s the way this door has been trained: once it sights
some bully in the distance coming towards it, it bawls for
the porter directly. But what’s your business? What are you
after?

_Merc._
_Trader_

Demaenetum volebam.

I wished to see Demaenetus.

_Lib._

Si sit domi, dicam tibi.

If he was at home, I’d tell you.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Quid eius atriensis?

What about his steward?

_Lib._

Nihilo mage intus est.

No, he’s not in, either.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Ubi est?

Where is he?

_Lib._

Ad tonsorem ire dixit.

Said he was going to the barber’s.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Conveni. sed post non redit?

I met him. But he has not been back since?

_Lib._

Non edepol. quid volebas?

Lord, no! What did you want?

_Merc._
_Trader_

Argenti viginti minas, si adesset, accepisset.

He would have got eighty pounds, if he was here.

_Lib._

Qui pro istuc?

What for?

_Merc._
_Trader_

Asinos vendidit Pellaeo mercatori
mercatu.

He sold some asses at the market to a trader from Pella.

_Lib._

Scio. tu id nunc refers? iam hic credo eum adfuturum.

I know. Bringing the cash now, are you? He’ll be here soon,
I fancy.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Qua facie voster Saurea est? si is est, iam scire potero.

What does your Saurea look like? (_aside_) Now I can find
out if that fellow is my man.

_Lib._

Macilentis malis, rufulus aliquantum, ventriosus,
truculentis oculis, commoda statura, tristi fronte. 400

(_reflectively_) Lantern-jawed--reddish hair--pot-bellied--
savage eyes--average height--and a scowl.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Non potuit pictor rectius describere eius formam.

(_aside_) No painter could give me a more living likeness of
that fellow.

_Lib._

Atque hercle ipsum adeo contuor, quassanti capite incedit.
quisque obviam huic occesserit irato, vapulabit.

(_looking down street_) Yes, and what’s more, he’s in sight
himself, by gad,--swaggering along and shaking his head!
Anyone that crosses his path when he’s angry gets thrashed.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Siquidem hercle Aeacidinis minis animisque expletus incedit,
si med iratus tetigerit, iratus vapulabit.

Good Lord! No matter if he swaggers along as full of fire
and fury as Achilles--if your angry man lays a hand on me,
it’s your angry man gets thrashed.

II. 4.

Scene 4.

ENTER _Leonida_, APPARENTLY IN A RAGE.

_Leon._

Quid hoc sit negoti, neminem meum dictum magni facere?
Libanum in tonstrinam ut iusseram venire, is nullus venit.
ne ille edepol tergo et cruribus consuluit haud decore.

What does this mean? Does no one mind what I say? I told
Libanus to come to the barber’s shop, and he never came at
all. By the Lord, he hasn’t given due thought to the welfare
of his hide and shanks, that’s a fact!

_Merc._
_Trader_

Nimis imperiosust.

(_aside_) A precious domineering chap!

_Lib._

Vae mihi.

(_affecting terror_) Oh, I’m in for it!

_Leon._

Hodie salvere iussi 410
Libanum libertum? iam manu emissu’s?

(_to Libanus ironically_) Ah, greetings to Libanus the
freedman, is it, to-day? Have you been manumitted now?
(_advancing_)

_Lib._

Obsecro te.

(_cowering_) Please, please, sir!

_Leon._

Ne tu hercle cum magno malo mihi obviam occessisti.
cur non venisti, ut iusseram, in tonstrinam?

By heaven, I’ll certainly give you good reason to regret
crossing my path. Why didn’t you come to the barber’s, as
I ordered?

_Lib._

Hic me moratust.

(_pointing to trader_) This gentleman delayed me.

_Leon._

Siquidem hercle nunc summum Iovem te dicas detinuisse
atque is precator adsiet, malam rem effugies numquam.
tu, verbero, imperium meum contempsisti?

(_without looking at trader_) Damme! You can go on and say
Jove Almighty detained you, yes, and he can come here and
plead your case, but you shall never escape a flogging. You
scorned my authority, you whipping post?

_Lib._

Perii, hospes.

(_running behind trader_) Oh kind stranger, I’m a dead man!

_Merc._
_Trader_

Quaeso hercle noli, Saurea, mea causa hunc verberare.

By Jove, Saurea! Now, now, don’t flog him, for my sake!

_Leon._

Utinam nunc stimulus in manu mihi sit.

(_paying no attention_) Oh, if I could only get hold of an
ox goad now!

_Merc._
_Trader_

Quiesce quaeso.

Now, now, calm down.

_Leon._

Qui latera conteram tua, quae occalluere plagis.
abscede ac sine me hunc perdere, qui semper me ira incendit, 420
cui numquam unam rem me licet semel praecipere furi,
quin centiens eadem imperem atque ogganniam, itaque iam hercle
clamore ac stomacho non queo labori suppeditare.

So as to stave in those ribs of yours that have grown
callous to blows! (_to trader_) Out of my way, and let
me murder the rascal that always sets me afire with
rage, that never lets one order from me suffice for one job,
the criminal, but keeps me commanding and growling the same
thing a hundred times over. Good Lord, it’s come to the
point where I can’t stand the work, what with yelling and
storming at him!

iussin, sceleste, ab ianua hoc stercus hinc auferri?
iussin columnis deici operas araneorum?
iussin in splendorem dari bullas has foribus nostris?

Didn’t I tell you to carry off this dung from the doorway,
you villain? Didn’t I tell you to clean the spiders’ webs
off the columns? Didn’t I tell you to rub these door knobs
till they shone?

nihil est: tamquam si claudus sim, cum fustist ambulandum.
quia triduom hoc unum modo foro operam adsiduam dedo,
dum reperiam qui quaeritet argentum in faenus, hic vos
dormitis interea domi, atque erus in hara, haud aedibus habitat, 430
em ergo hoc tibi.

It’s no good: anyone would think I was lame, the way I have
to travel around after you with a cane. Because I’ve been
constantly busy at the forum just for the last three days,
trying to find some one to place a loan with, here you’ve
been drowsing all the time at home, and your master living
in a pig-pen, not a house. There now, take that! (_strikes
him_)

_Lib._

Hospes, te obsecro, defende.

Kind stranger! For heaven’s sake protect me!

_Merc._
_Trader_

Saurea, oro,
mea causa ut mittas.

Come, Saurea, do let him off for my sake.

_Leon._

Eho, ecquis pro vectura olivi
rem solvit?

(_to Libanus_) Hey, you! Did anyone pay for the shipping of
that oil?

_Lib._

Solvit.

Yes, sir.

_Leon._

Cui datumst?

Who to?

_Lib._

Sticho vicario ipsi
tuo.

To Stichus himself, sir, your own deputy.

_Leon._

Vah, delenire apparas, scio mihi vicarium esse,
neque eo esse servom in aedibus eri qui sit pluris quam illest.
sed vina quae heri vendidi vinario Exaerambo,
iam pro eis satis fecit Sticho?

Hm-m! trying to smooth me down! To be sure I have a deputy,
and there’s not a slave in the master’s house that is a more
valuable man than that deputy, either. But how about the
wine I sold to Exaerambus the vintner yesterday--has he
settled with Stichus for it yet?

_Lib._

Fecisse satis opinor,
nam vidi huc ipsum adducere trapezitam Exaerambum.

I reckon he has, sir: for I saw Exaerambus bringing the
banker here himself.

_Leon._

Sic dedero. prius quae credidi vix anno post exegi;
nunc satagit: adducit domum etiam ultro et scribit nummos.
Dromo mercedem rettulit? 440

That’s the style for me! Last time I trusted him I barely
got the money out of him a year afterwards. Now he pays his
bills: even brings his banker over to the house besides, and
writes his cheque. Has Dromo brought home his wages?

_Lib._

Dimidio minus opinor.

Only half, I think.

_Leon._

Quid relicuom?

And the rest?

_Lib._

Aibat reddere quom extemplo redditum esset;
nam retineri, ut quod sit sibi operis locatum efficeret.

He said he’d give it to you as soon as it was given to him;
claimed it was kept back so that he’d finish up a job that
was placed with him.

_Leon._

Scyphos quos utendos dedi Philodamo, rettulitne?

Those cups that I lent Philodamus--has he returned ’em?

_Lib._

Non etiam.

Not yet.

_Leon._

Hem non? si velis, da,[11] commoda homini amico.

Hey? No? (_sourly_) Give things away, if you like,--give ’em
to a friend on loan.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Perii hercle, iam his me abegerit suo odio.

(_half aside, wearily_) Oh, the devil! The fellow will be
driving me off before long with his confounded talk.

_Lib._

Heus iam satis tu.
audin quae loquitur?

(_aside to Leonida_) Hi, you! That’s enough now! D’ye hear
what he says?

_Leon._

Audio et quiesco.

(_aside to Libanus_) I hear; I’ll calm down.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Tandem, opinor,
conticuit. nunc adeam optimum est, prius quam incipit tinnire.
quam mox mi operam das?

(_aside_) Silent at last, I do believe. Best approach
him now before he begins to rattle on again. (_aloud to
Leonida_) How soon can you give me your attention?

_Leon._

Ehem, optume. quam dudum tu advenisti?
non hercle te provideram--quaeso ne vitio vortas-- 450
ita iracundia obstitit oculis.

(_looking at him and affecting surprise_) Aha! Splendid! How
long have you been here? Well, well, I hadn’t noticed you
before! I trust you won’t feel offended. I was so angry that
it affected my eyesight.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Non mirum factum est.
sed si domi est, Demaenetum volebam.

Nothing strange in that. But I wished to see Demaenetus,
if he is at home.

_Leon._

Negat esse intus.
verum istuc argentum tamen mihi si vis denumerare,
repromittam istoc nomine solutam rem futuram.

He (_indicating Libanus_) says he’s not in. But as to that
money, though,--count it out to me, if you like, and then
I’ll engage that your account with us is settled.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Sic potius, ut Demaeneto tibi ero praesente reddam.

I should prefer to make the payment in the presence of your
master Demaenetus.

_Lib._

Erus istunc novit atque erum hic.

(_protestingly_) Oh, master knows him and he knows
master.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Ero huic praesente reddam.

(_firmly_) I shall pay him in his master’s presence.

_Lib._

Da modo meo periculo, rem salvam ego exhibebo;
nam si sciat noster senex fidem non esse huic habitam,
suscenseat, quoi omnium rerum ipsus semper credit.

Oh now, give it to him, at my risk: I’ll make it all right.
Why, if our old man knew Saurea here was doubted, he’d be
furious: he always trusts him with everything himself.

_Leon._

Non magni pendo. ne duit, si non volt, sic sine astet. 460

(_very superior_) It’s of no importance. He can keep it, if
he wants. Let him stand by with it there.

_Lib._

Da, inquam. vah, formido miser, ne hic me tibi arbitretur
suasisse, sibi ne crederes. da, quaeso, ac ne formida:
salvom hercle erit.

(_aside to trader_) I say, do give it to him. Oh dear, this
is awful! I’m afraid he’ll think I persuaded you not to
trust him. Give it to him, for mercy’s sake, and don’t be
afraid. Good Lord, it’ll be all right!

_Merc._
_Trader_

Credam fore, dum quidem ipse in manu habebo.
peregrinus ego sum, Sauream non novi.

I trust it will be, so long as I keep hold of it myself,
anyway. I am a stranger here: I don’t know Saurea.

_Lib._

At nosce sane.

(_pointing to Leonida_) Well, just make his
acquaintance, then.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Sit, non sit, non edepol scio. si is est, eum esse oportet.
ego certe me incerto scio hoc daturum nemini homini.

Whether he is the man or not, I don’t know, by gad. If he
is, he is, of course. I certainly do know that when I am
uncertain I give this (_showing a wallet_) to nobody
on earth.

_Leon._

Hercle istum di omnes perduint. verbo cave supplicassis.
ferox est viginti minas meas tractare sese.
nemo accipit aufer te domum, abscede hinc, molestus ne sis.

Be damned to the fellow! (_to Libanus_) Not a word of
entreaty, you! He’s puffed up at having the handling of my
eighty pounds. (_to trader_) No one will take it! Home
with you! Away with you! Don’t bother me!

_Merc._
_Trader_

Nimis iracunde. non decet superbum esse hominem servom. 470

(_scoffingly_) Quite in a pet! The idea of a mere slave
being arrogant!

_Leon._

Malo hercle iam magno tuo, ni isti nec recte dicis.

(_to Libanus_) By heaven, you’ll soon pay dear for it, if
you don’t abuse him!

_Lib._

Impure, nihili. non vides irasci?

(_loudly to trader_) You dirty thing, you, you good for
nothing! (_in lower tone_) Don’t you see he’s angry?

_Leon._

Perge porro.

(_to Libanus_) Go on, get at him!

_Lib._

Flagitum hominis. da, obsecro, argentum huic, ne male loquatur.

(_loudly_) You scandal of a man! (_in lower tone_) Do give
him the money, for heaven’s sake, so that he won’t call you
bad names.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Malum hercle vobis quaeritis.

Gad! It’s a bad time you two are looking for.

_Leon._

Crura hercle diffringentur,
ni istum impudicum percies.

(_to Libanus_) By the Lord, your legs shall be broken to
splinters, if you don’t give that shameless rascal a blowing
up.

_Lib._

Perii hercle. age impudice,
sceleste, non audes mihi scelesto subvenire?

(_to trader in low tone_) Oh Lord! I’m in for it! (_loudly_)
Come, you shameless rascal, you wretch, won’t you help me,
poor wretch that I am?

_Leon._

Pergin precari pessimo?

(_to Libanus_) Continuing to coax that criminal, are you?

_Merc._
_Trader_

Quae res? tun libero homini
male servos loquere?

(_getting indignant_) How is this? You dare to abuse a free
man, you, you slave?

_Leon._

Vapula.

You be thrashed!

_Merc._
_Trader_

Id quidem tibi hercle fiet,
ut vapules, Demaenetum simulac conspexero hodie.[12] 479

Be thrashed? Precisely what will be done to you, by gad, the
moment I set eyes on Demaenetus to-day!

_Leon._

Quid, verbero? ain tu, furcifer? erum nos fugitare censes? 484-485
ei nunciam ad erum, quo vocas, iam dudum quo volebas.

What, you whipping post? So, you gallows-bird? D’ye think we
skulk from our master? On with you straight to the master
you summon us to, the master you’ve wanted to see this long
time past. (_goes toward forum_)

_Merc._
_Trader_

Nunc demum? tamen numquam hinc feres argenti nummum, nisi me
dare iusserit Demaenetus.

At last, eh? But never a penny do you get from me, unless I
am instructed to give it to you by Demaenetus.

_Leon._

Ita facito, age ambula ergo.
tu contumeliam alteri facias, tibi non dicatur?
tam ego homo sum quam tu.

All right, all right! Come, step along, then! Do you want to
insult another man and not get it back? I’m as much of a man
as you are!

_Merc._
_Trader_

Scilicet. ita res est.

No doubt. Quite so.

_Leon._

Sequere hac ergo 490
praefiscini hoc nunc dixerim: nemo etiam me accusavit
merito meo, neque me alter est Athenis hodie quisquam,
cui credi recte aeque putent.

Come along this way, then. (_stops_) If I may say so without
presumption, let me tell you this now: no one has ever yet
accused me justly, and there’s not a single other man in all
Athens that people think worthy of such confidence as me,
either.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Fortassis. sed tamen me
numquam hodie induces, ut tibi credam hoc argentum ignoto.
lupus est homo homini, non homo, quom qualis sit non novit.

I dare say. But notwithstanding, never will you induce me
to-day to trust this money to you, a stranger, (_somewhat
apologetically_) “Man is no man, but a wolf, to a stranger.”

_Leon._

Iam nunc secunda mihi facis. scibam huic te capitulo hodie.
facturum satis pro iniuria; quamquam ego sum sordidatus,
frugi tamen sum, nec potest peculium enumerari.

(_encouraged_) Now there, that’s decent of you! I knew
you’d soon be making amends to a good fellow for doing him
an injustice. No matter if I do look shabby, I’m an honest
man just the same, and as for the cash I’ve laid by--it
can’t be counted.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Fortasse.

(_sceptically_) I dare say.

_Leon._

Etiam[13] Periphanes Rhodo mercator dives
absente ero solus mihi talentum argenti soli 500
adnumeravit et mihi credidit, nequest deceptus in eo.

Even Periphanes, the rich trader from Rhodes, counted out
two hundred pounds to me when master was away and we were
all by ourselves,--he trusted me, and he wasn’t deceived in
doing so, either.

_Merc._
_Trader_

Fortasse.

I dare say.

_Leon._

Atque etiam tu quoque ipse. si esses percontatus
me ex aliis, scio pol crederes nunc quod fers.

Yes, and even you yourself, too, if you had only inquired
from others about me, I know you would trust me with what
you’ve got there, good Lord, yes!

_Merc._
_Trader_

Haud negassim.

(_icily_) I should be sorry to deny it._ (_motions Leonida
to lead the way to Demaenetus_)
[EXEUNT THE THREE TO THE FORUM, _Leonida_ IREFUL.

ACTVS III