Chapter XII: Act III: (Half an hour has elapsed.)

ENTER _Cleareta_ AND _Philaenium_ FROM THEIR HOUSE.

_Cle._

Nequeon ego ted interdictis facere mansuetem meis?
an ita tu es animata, ut qui matris expers imperio sies?

Have I no power to make you submit when I prohibit a thing?
Can it be that you feel inclined to rid yourself of your
mother’s authority?

_Phil._

Ubi piem Pietatem, si istoc more moratam tibi
postulem placere, mater, mihi quo pacto praecipis?[14] (507)

How should I be showing myself duteous to Filial Duty,
mother, if I tried to please you by practising such
practices and doing as you prescribe?

_Cle._

Hocine est pietatem colere. matris imperium minuere? (509)

Is this regarding filial duty, to lessen a mother’s
authority?

_Phil._

Neque quae recte faciunt culpo neque quae delinquont amo. 510

I don’t find fault with mothers that do right, and I don’t
like ones that do wrong.

_Cle._

Satis dicacula es amatrix.

A glib enough little hussy!

_Phil._

Mater, is quaestus mihi est:
lingua poscit, corpus quaerit; animus orat, res monet.

(_lightly_) All in my profession, mother: tongue asks,
body teases; fancy prompts, circumstances suggest.

_Cle._

Ego te volui castigare, tu mi accusatrix ades.

I intended to scold you, and here you are turning on me!

_Phil._

Neque edepol te accuso neque id me facere fas existimo.
verum ego meas queror fortunas, cum illo quem amo prohibeor.

Oh, no! I’m not turning on you: I don’t think that would be
right. But I do think it’s a cruel fate to be kept away from
the man I love.

_Cle._

Ecqua pars orationis de die dabitur mihi?

Am I to get some share of the speechmaking before nightfall?

_Phil._

Et meam partem loquendi et tuam trado tibi;
ad loquendum atque ad tacendum tute habeas portisculum.
quin pol si reposivi remum, sola ego in casteria
ubi quiesco, omnis familiae causa consistit tibi. 520

I give you my share and your own, too: you can be boatswain
yourself and give the signal for talking and keeping still.
But goodness me, if I once lay down the oar, I, and stay by
myself resting in the rowers’ room, the progress of this
whole household stops short, you see.

_Cle._

Quid ais tu, quam ego unam vidi mulierem audacissimam?
quotiens te votui Argyrippum filium Demaeneti
compellare aut contrectare, conloquive aut contui?
quid dedit? quid ad nos iussit deportari? an tu tibi
verba blanda esse aurum rere, dicta docta pro datis?
ultro amas, ultro expetessis, ultro ad te accersi iubes
illos qui dant, eos derides; qui deludunt, deperis.

Look here! Of all the impudent young misses I have
ever seen! How many times have I forbidden you to have
communication or contact or chitchat with Demaenetus’s son,
Argyrippus, or to cast your eyes on him? What has he given
us? What has he had sent us? Do you think pretty speeches
are gold pieces, witty words presents? You make love to him
yourself, run after him yourself, have him called yourself.
Men that give you things you treat with contempt; those that
trifle with you you dote on.

an te id exspectare oportet, si quis promittat tibi
te facturum divitem, si moriatur mater sua?
ecastor[15] nobis periclum magnum et familiae portenditur, 530
dum eius exspectamus mortem, ne nos moriamur fame.
nunc adeo nisi mi huc argenti adfert viginti minas,
ne ille ecastor hunc trudetur largus lacrumarum foras.
hic dies summust quo est[16] apud me inopiae excusatio.

Have you any business waiting for it to happen, if a man
does promise to make you rich, if his mother dies? Mercy
me, while we wait for her to die, up looms a big risk of
ourselves and our household dying of starvation! Now let
me tell you this: unless he brings me eighty pounds, I swear
to goodness that fellow shall be bundled out of the house,
liberal as he is--of tears! This is the last day I accept
pleas of poverty.

_Phil._

Patiar, si cibo carere me iubes, mater mea.

Tell me to do without food, mother dear, and I’ll endure
that.

_Cle._

Non voto ted amare qui dant quoia amentur gratia.

I have nothing to say against your loving men who give you
something to be loved for.

_Phil._

Quid si hic animus occupatust, mater, quid faciam? mone.

What if my heart isn’t free, mother? What then? Advise me.

_Cle._

Em,
meum caput contemples si quidem ex re consultas tua.

Look! Consider these grey hairs of mine, if you really have
any regard for your own good.

_Phil._

Etiam opilio qui pascit, mater, alienas ovis, 539,540
aliquam habet peculiarem, qui spem soletur suam.
sine me amare unum Argyrippum animi causa, quem volo.

Even the shepherd that pastures other peoples’ sheep has
some ewe lamb of his very own, mother, one that he builds
happy hopes on. Do let me love Argyrippus alone, the man
I want, just for love’s sake.

_Cle._

Intro abi, nam te quidem edepol nihil est impudentius.

Inside with you! Why, mercy on us, a more shameless minx
than you really can’t exist.

_Phil._

Audientem dicto, mater, produxisti filiam.

(_tearfully_) You’ve trained ... your ... daughter ... to
... be obedient ... mother.
[EXIT _Philaenium_ INTO HOUSE, FOLLOWED BY _Cleareta._

III. 2.

Scene 2.

ENTER FROM FORUM _Libanus_ AND _Leonida_, LATTER CARRYING A
WALLET.

_Lib._

Perfidiae laudes gratiasque habemus merito magnas,
quom nostris sycophantiis, dolis astutiisque,[17] (546)
advorsum stetimus lamminas,[18] crucesque compedesque, (548)
nervos, catenas, carceres, numellas, pedicas, boias 549,550
inductoresque[19] acerrumos gnarosque nostri tergi.[20] (551)

(_chanting ecstatically_) All praise and thanks be to holy
Perfidy as she deserves, since by our swindles, shams, and
wiles we have defied hot irons and crosses and gyves, and
thongs, chains, cells, shackles, fetters, collars, and
painters--painters keen as can be and intimate with our
backs!

eae nunc legiones, copiae exercitusque eorum (554)
vi pugnando periuriis nostris fugae potiti.
id virtute huius collegae[21] meaque comitate
factumst. qui me vir fortior ad sufferundas plagas?

All these regiments, battalions, and armies of theirs
have been put to flight, after fierce fighting, by our
fabrications. ’Tis the valour of my colleague hath done
it, with my own kind assistance. Who’s a stouter-hearted
hero than I am at taking thwacks?

_Leon._

Edepol virtutes qui tuas non possis conclaudare
sic ut ego possim, quae domi duellique male fecisti.
ne illa edepol pro merito tuo memorari multa possunt: 560

(_sneeringly_) Good Lord! Your deeds of valour--you couldn’t
celebrate them the way I could your villainies at home and
in the field. Gad! you certainly can be acredited with a
lengthy list of things along that line.

ubi fidentem fraudaveris, ubi ero infidelis fueris,
ubi verbis conceptis sciens libenter periuraris,
ubi parietes perfoderis, in furto ubi sis prehensus,
ubi saepe causam dixeris pendens adversus octo
artutos, audacis viros, valentis virgatores.

Item, cheated a confiding friend; item, faithless to master;
item, committed perjury consciously, cheerfully, in set form
of words; item, dug your way into houses through the walls;
item, caught at thieving; item, strung up repeatedly and
plead your case before eight bold, brawny beef-eaters with
a gift for club swinging.

_Lib._

Fateor profecto ut praedicas, Leonida, esse vera;
verum edepol ne etiam tua quoque malefacta iterari multa
et vero possunt; ubi sciens fideli infidus fueris,
ubi prensus in furto sies manifesto et verberatus,[22] 569
ubi eris damno, molestiae et dedecori saepe fueris, (571)

I am quite ready to admit that is a just statement of
the case, Leonida; but, Lord! the list of even your own
villainies, too, can certainly be made lengthy enough,
without injustice. Item, consciously treacherous to a
trusting friend; item, caught stealing redhanded and
whipped; item, repeatedly brought loss, trouble, and
disgrace on your masters;

ubi creditum quod sit tibi datum esse pernegaris,[23] (572)
ubi saepe ad languorem tua duritia dederis octo (574)
validos lictores, ulmeis adfectos lentis virgis.
num male relata est gratia, ut collegam collaudavi?

item, had money left in your keeping and swore and swore
it wasn’t; item, repeatedly exhausted by your toughness
eight strong lictors equipped with pliant elm rods.
(_pause_) Have I celebrated my colleague highly enough
to pay him back--eh, what?

_Leon._

Ut meque teque maxime atque ingenio nostro decuit.

(_thoughtfully_) Yes, pretty much what you and I and our
characters deserved.

_Lib._

Iam omitte ista atque hoc quod rogo responde.

Drop your nonsense now and answer me this question.

_Leon._

Rogita quod vis.

Ask your question.

_Lib._

Argenti viginti minas habesne?

(_triumphantly_) The eighty pounds, have you got it?

_Leon._

Hariolare.
edepol senem Demaenetum lepidum fuisse nobis: 580
ut adsimulabat Sauream med esse quam facete!
nimis aegre risum contini, ubi hospitem inclamavit,
quod se absente mihi fidem habere noluisset.
ut memoriter me Sauream vocabat atriensem.

You’re a prophet! By gad, old Demaenetus did do the handsome
thing by us. The way he pretended I was Saurea--clever, my
word! I did have a deuce of a time holding in when he hauled
our guest over the coils for not being willing to trust me
in his absence. The way he remembered to keep calling me
steward Saurea!

_Lib._

Mane dum.

(_looking toward Cleareta’s house_) Wait, though!

_Leon._

Quid est?

What’s up?

_Lib._

Philaenium estne haec quae intus exit
atque Argyrippus una?

Isn’t this Philaenium coming out here, yes, and Argyrippus
along with her?

_Leon._

Opprime os, is est. subauscultemus.

(_in low tone_) Shut your mouth--so it is. Let’s do some
eaves-dropping (_they retire_)

_Lib._

Lacrumantem lacinia tenet lacrumans. quidnam esse dicam?
taciti auscultemus.

Both crying and she holding on to the lappet of his cloak!
What on earth is the matter! Let’s keep still and listen.

_Leon._

Attatae, modo hercle in mentem venit,
nimis vellem habere perticam.

Oh-h! Jove! It has just occurred to me; how I do wish I had
a pole!

_Lib._

Quoi rei?

What for?

_Leon._

Qui verberarem
asinos, si forte occeperint clamare hinc ex crumina 590

To whop those asses, if they happen to start braying in the
wallet here.

III. 3.

Scene 3.

ENTER _Argyrippus_ AND _Philaenium_ FROM THE DOORWAY OF
_Cleareta’s_ HOUSE WHERE THEY HAVE BEEN STANDING

_Argyr._

Cur me retentas?

(_sadly_) Why hold me back?

_Phil._

Quia tui amans abeuntis egeo.

(_tearfully_) Because it’s dreadful having you leave me
when I love you so.

_Argyr._

Vale.

(_trying half heartedly to release himself_) Farewell!

_Phil._

Aliquanto amplius valerem, si his maneres.

(_still clinging to him_) I should fare much better if you’d
stay with me.

_Argyr._

Salve.

And God bless you!

_Phil._

Salvere me iubes, quoi tu abiens offers morbum?

You ask God to bless me when you curse me yourself by going?

_Argyr._

Mater supremam mihi tua dixit, domum ire iussit.

Your mother said this was to be my last hour; she has
ordered me home.

_Phil._

Acerbum funus filiae faciet, si te carendum est.

She’ll make her daughter die in misery, if I must be
deprived of you.

_Lib._

Homo hercle hinc exclusust foras.

(_aside to Leonida_) By gad! He’s been shut out of the
house here.

_Leon._

Ita res est.

So he has.

_Argyr._

Mitte quaeso.

(_dismally_) Come, come, let go! (_pulls away from her and
turns to go_)

_Phil._

Quo nunc abis? quin tu hic manes?

Where are you off to now? Why don’t you stay here?

_Argyr._

Nox, si voles, manebo.

I will at night, if you want.

_Lib._

Audin hunc opera ut largus est nocturna? nunc enim esse
negotiosum interdius videlicet Solonem,
leges ut conscribat, quibus se populus teneat. gerrae! 600
qui sese parere apparent huius legibus, profecto
numquam bonae frugi sient, dies noctesque potent.

Hear the chap--how free he is with his attentions by night?
For now in the daytime he’s a hard-working Solon, drawing up
laws to bind the people--oh, yes he is! Rot! Folks that set
themselves to obey his laws won’t ever be good for anything,
that’s sure,--except drinking day and night.

_Leon._

Ne iste hercle ab ista non pedem discedat, si licessit,
qui nunc festinat atque ab hac minatur sese abire.

Good Lord! The fellow wouldn’t move a step from her, if he
had his way, not he, for all this rush of his and threats
to leave her

_Lib._

Sermoni iam finem face tuo. huius sermonem accipiam.

Come, make an end of your talk. I want to take in some of
his.

_Argyr._

Vale.

(_tragically_) Farewell! (_starts away_)

_Phil._

Quo properas?

Where are you hurrying to?

_Argyr._

Bene vale, apud Orcum te videbo
nam equidem me iam quantum potest a vita abiudicabo.

Farewell! Be happy. I shall see you in the world to come!
For upon my soul, this world and I shall now be divorced
as soon as possible!

_Phil._

Cui tu, obsecro, immerito meo me morti dedere optas?

(_running up and clinging to him_) Oh, for heaven’s sake,
why, why do you wish to condemn me to death yourself,
innocent as I am?

_Argyr._

Ego te? quam si intellegam deficere vita, iam ipse
vitam meam tibi largiar et de mea ad tuam addam. 610

I you? If I saw your life was ebbing, I’d freely give you
my own at once and add my years to yours.

_Phil._

Cui ergo minitans mihi, te vitam esse amissurum?
nam quid me facturam putas, si istuc quod dicis faxis?
mihi certum est facere in me omnia eadem quae tu in te faxis.

Then why do you threaten me with throwing away your life?
For what do you think I will do, if you do what you say?
My mind’s made up: I’ll do to myself just precisely what
you do to yourself.

_Argyr._

Oh melle dulci dulcior tu es.

Oh, you’re sweeter than sweet honey!

_Phil._

Certe enim tu vita es mi.
complectere.

And you’re my very life, I know that. Do put your arms
around me!

_Argyr._

Facio lubens.

(_doing so_) Yes, yes, gladly!

_Phil._

Utinam sic efferamur.

Oh, if we could only be carried to the grave like this!

_Leon._

O Libane, uti miser est homo qui amat.

I say, Libanus, what a poor devil a chap in love is!

_Lib._

Immo hercle vero,
qui pendet multo est miserior.

By Jove, no! A chap hung up by his heels is a much poorer
devil, believe me.

_Leon._

Scio qui periclum feci.
circum sistamus, alter hinc, hinc alter appellemus.
ere, salve. sed num fumus est haec mulier quam amplexare?

I know that: I’ve tried it. (_a pause_) Let’s surround him,
and give him a salute, one from here (_pointing_) and the
other from here. (_they station themselves: then, giving the
signal to Libanus to chime in, loudly to Argyrippus_) Good
day, sir! (_the lovers give a start_) But--this lady you’re
hugging isn’t smoke, is she?

_Argyr._

Quidum?

Smoke? Why so?

_Leon._

Quia oculi sunt tibi lacrumantes, eo rogavi. 620

Well, your eyes are watering; that’s why I asked.

_Argyr._

Patronus qui vobis fuit futurus, perdidistis.

(_tragically_) You have lost a man who would have freed you
and been your patron, my lads.

_Leon._

Equidem hercle nullum perdidi, ideo quia numquam ullum habui.

Lord! I haven’t lost any such, no, indeed, seeing I never
had any such.

_Lib._

Philaenium, salve.

Good day to you, Philaenium.

_Phil._

Dabunt di quae velitis vobis.

God grant all your wishes, to both of you.

_Lib._

Noctem tuam et vini cadum velim, si optata fiant.

I’d wish an evening with you and a cask of wine, if wishing
was having.

_Argyr._

Verbum cave faxis, verbero.

Hold your tongue, you rascal!

_Lib._

Tibi equidem, non mihi opto.

Oh, wish ’em for you, I mean, sir, not for myself.

_Argyr._

Tum tu igitur loquere quod lubet.

Then in that case, say what you like.

_Lib._

Hunc hercle verberare.

Like? I’d like to give this chap (_pointing to Leonida_)
a thrashing, by gad!

_Leon._

Quisnam istuc adcredat tibi, cinaede calamistrate?
tun verberes, qui pro cibo habeas te verberari?

(_ironically_) Well, well, who’d believe it of you, you
frizzle-headed girl-hunter? You thrash me, you, you that
live on thrashings?

_Argyr._

Ut vostrae fortunae meis praecedunt, Libane, longe,
qui hodie numquam ad vesperum vivam.

(_tragical again_) Ah, Libanus, how far preferable your lot
is to mine--I who will never never live till evening!

_Lib._

Quapropter, quaeso? 630

How’s that, for mercy’s sake?

_Argyr._

Quia ego hanc amo et haec me amat,
huic quod dem nusquam quicquam est,
hinc med amantem ex aedibus eiecit huius mater.
argenti viginti minae me ad mortem appulerunt,
quas hodie adulescens Diabolus ipsi daturus dixit,
ut hanc ne quoquam mitteret nisi ad se hunc annum totum.
videtin viginti minae quid pollent quidve possunt?
ille qui illas perdit salvos est, ego qui non perdo pereo.

Because I love her (_indicating Philaenium_) and she loves
me, and (_bitterly_) never a penny can I find anywhere to
give her; and her mother has thrown me out of the house
here, me, her daughter’s lover. I’m driven to my death by
eighty pounds, eighty pounds young Diabolus promised to pay
her to-day for letting no one else but him have my girl
the whole of this next year. Do you see the power, the
possibilities in eighty pounds? The man that loses them
is saved. I don’t lose them and I’m lost myself.

_Lib._

Iam dedit argentum?

Has he paid ’em over already?

_Argyr._

Non dedit.

No.

_Lib._

Bono animo es, ne formida.

Cheer up; never you fear.

_Leon._

Secede huc, Libane, te volo.

Libanus! Come over here: I want you.

_Lib._

Si quid vis.

(_obeying_) Anything to please. (_they withdraw and talk,
heads close together_)

_Argyr._

Obsecro vos
eadem istac opera suaviust complexos fabulari. 640

(_calling_) For heaven’s sake, you two! You’d find it
pleasanter to hug each other, while you do your chatting!

_Lib._

Non omnia eadem aeque omnibus, ere, suavia esse scito:
vobis est suave amantibus complexos fabulari,
ego complexum huius nil moror, meum autem hic aspernatur.
proinde istud facias ipse quod faciamus nobis suades.

Tastes differ about what’s pleasant, sir, let me tell you
that. A fond pair like you find it pleasant to hug each
other while you do your chatting; but, personally, I don’t
care for this fellow’s hugs, and as for mine, he scorns ’em.
So you go on and practise yourself what you preach to us.

_Argyr._

Ego vero, et quidem edepol lubens. interea, si videtur,
concedite istuc.

Indeed I will, by Jove, yes, and gladly. Meanwhile you two
go on and step aside there, if you see fit. (_embraces
Philaenium_)

_Leon._

Vin erum deludi?

D’ye want to have some fun with master?

_Lib._

Dignust sane.

That I do, serves him right.

_Leon._

Vin faciam ut te Philaenium praesente hoc amplexetur?

D’ye want me to make Philaenium give you a squeeze right
before his face?

_Lib._

Cupio hercle.

(_enthusiastically_) Gad, I long for one!

_Leon._

Sequere hac.

Come along. (_leads the way back to Argyrippus and
_Philaenium_)

_Argyr._

Ecquid est salutis? satis locuti.

Any good news? You have talked enough.

_Leon._

Auscultate atque operam date et mea dicta devorate.
primum omnium servos tuos nos esse non negamus, 650
sed tibi si viginti minae argenti proferentur,
quo nos vocabis nomine?

(_importantly_) Listen here, you two; pay attention and
devour my remarks, (_to Argyrippus_) First of all, we are
your slaves, we don’t deny that; but if eighty pounds is
produced for you, what will you call us?

_Argyr._

Libertos.

(_eagerly_) Freedmen!

_Leon._

Non patronos?

Not patrons, eh?

_Argyr._

Id potius.

Yes, yes, patrons!

_Leon._

Viginti minae hic insunt in crumina,
has ego, si vis, tibi dabo.

There’s eighty pounds in this wallet here: I’ll give it to
you if you like.

_Argyr._

Di te servassint semper,
custos erilis, decus popli, thensaurus copiarum,
salus interioris[24] corporis amorisque imperator.
hic pone, hic istam colloca cruminam in collo plane.

Heaven prosper you for evermore, you guardian of your
master, you glory of the populace, you storehouse of
supplies, saviour of the inner man, and generalissimo of
love! Put it here, hang that wallet here around my neck in
plain sight.

_Leon._

Nolo ego te, qui erus sis, mihi onus istuc sustinere.

Let my master bear such a load? No sir, not I.

_Argyr._

Quin tu labore liberas te atque istam imponis in me?

Why not take things easy yourself and let me stand the
strain?

_Leon._

Ego baiulabo, tu, ut dacet dominum, ante me ito inanis. 660

I’ll act as porter myself; as for you, you walk on ahead as
a master should, empty handed.

_Argyr._

Quid nunc?

(_eagerly_) Well now?

_Lean._

Quid est?

(_drawling_) Well what?

_Argyr._

Quin tradis huc cruminam pressatum umerum?

Why don’t you hand the wallet over and let it crush my
shoulder?

_Leon._

Hanc, cui daturu’s hanc, iube petere atque orare mecum.
nam istuc proclive est, quo iubes me plane collocare.

She’s the one, (_pointing to Philaenium_) the one you’ll
give it to, tell her to ask me for it, tease me for it. You
see that plain site you told me to put it on is a (_with a
sly glance at Philaenium_) slope.

_Phil._

Da, meus ocellus, mea rosa, mi anime, mea voluptas,
Leonida, argentum mihi, ne nos diiunge amantis.

Oh, Leonida, you apple of my eye, my rosebud, my heart’s
delight, my darling, do give me the money! Don’t separate
us lovers.

_Leon._

Dic me igitur tuom passerculum, gallinam, coturnicem,
agnellum haedillum me tuom die esse vel vitellum.
prehende auriculis, compara labella cum labellis.

(_with burlesque fondness_) Well then, call me your little
sparrow, hen, quail, call me your little lambkin, kidlet, or
calfyboy, if you prefer: take hold of me by the earlaps and
match my little lips to your little lips.

_Argyr._

Ten osculetur, verbero?

She kiss you, you scoundrel?

_Leon._

Quam vero indignum visum est?
at qui pol hodie non feres, ni genua confricantur. 670

Yes, it does seem a shame, doesn’t it? However, you don’t
get the cash this day, by gad, unless you rub my knees.

_Argyr._

Quidvis egestas imperat: fricentur. dan quod oro?

“Need knows no shame.” Rubbed they shall be. (_gets down
on ground, with poor grace, and clasps Leonida’s knees_)
Won’t you grant my prayer? (_gets up_)

_Phil._

Age, mi Leonida, obsecro, fer amanti ero salutem,
redime istoc beneficio te ab hoc, et tibi eme hunc isto argento.

Come, dear Leonida, please, please save your master that
loves me so! Buy your freedom from him by this kindness, buy
his favour for yourself with this money! (_embraces him_)

_Leon._

Nimis bella es atque amabilis, et si hoc meum esset, hodie
namquam me orares quin darem. illum te orare meliust,
illic hanc mihi servandam dedit ei sane bella belle,
cape hoc sis, Libane.

(_leering at her_) Ah, you’re pretty, perfectly adorable:
and if this belonged to me, I’d never let you tease me twice
for it, never. But he’s the one for you to tease: (_pointing
to Libanus_) he gave it to me to keep for him. At him now,
my pretty, prettily. Libanus, catch hold of this, will you!
(_tosses him the wallet_)

_Argyr._

Furcifer, etiam me delusisti?

What, you villain! Have you been making a fool of me?

_Leon._

Numquam hercle facerem, genua ni tam nequiter fricares.
age sis tu in partem nunciam hunc delude atque amplexare hanc.

Bless you, sir, I wouldn’t, only you made such a bad job
of rubbing my knees. (_aside to Libanus_) Come on now, will
you; you take your turn at fooling him and cuddling her.

_Lib._

Taceas, me spectes.

(_aside to Leonida_) Shut up: you watch me!

_Argyr._

Quin ad hunc, Philaenium, adgredimur, 680
virum quidem pol optimum et non simulem furis huius?

(_aside to Philaenium_) Why not make up to him, Philaenium?
He’s a very decent sort, Libanus is, gad yes, nothing like
this thief. (_indicating Leonida_)

_Lib._

Inambulandum est: nunc mihi vicissam supplicabunt.

(_aside as they approach_) Now for some strutting around:
here’s where I come in for being supplicated. (_parades
magnificently back and forth_)

_Argyr._

Quaeso hercle, Libane, sis erum tuis factis sospitari,
da mihi istas viginti minas. vides me amantem egere.

Hang it all, Libanus, for mercy’s sake be a good fellow and
save your master’s life! Give me that eighty pounds. You see
I’m in love and need the money.

_Lib._

Videbitur. factum volo. redito huc contemno
nunc istanc tantisper iube petere atque orare
mecum.

We’ll see about it. Happy if I can oblige. Come back early
in the evening. Meanwhile now just tell the lady there to
ask me for it and tease me for it.

_Phil._

Amandone exorarier vis ted an osculando?

Tease it from you by loving you, or by kissing you, which?

_Lib._

Enim vero utrumque.

Oh well, try both of ’em.

_Phil._

Ergo, obsecro, et tu utrumque nostrum serva.

(_fondling him_) And both of us, then,--do rescue us,
please, please!

_Argyr._

O Libane, mi patrone, mi trade istuc. magis decorumst
libertum potius quam patronum onus in via portare. 690

O Libanus, my dear patron, do hand it over to me! A freedman
is the proper person to carry a load on the street, not his
patron.

_Phil._

Mi Libane, ocellus aureus, donum decusque amoris,
amabo, faciam quod voles, da istuc argentum nobis.

My own Libanus, my little golden treasure boy, love’s gift
and glory, oh, I’ll adore you, do anything for you, only
give us that money!

_Lib._

Dic igitur med aniticulam, columbam vel catellum,
hirundinem, monerulam, passerculum putillum,
fac proserpentem bestiam me, duplicem ut habeam linguam,
circumda torquem bracchiis, meum collum circumplecte.

Then call me your little ducky, dovey, doggieboy, your
swallow, your little jackdaw, your little tootsie wootsie
sparrowkin: (_opening his mouth_) make a reptile of me and
let me have a double tongue in my mouth; throw a chain of
arms around me; clasp me close around my neck.

_Argyr._

Ten complectatur, carnufex?

Put her arms around you, you gallows-bird!

_Lib._

Quam vero indignus videor?
ne istuc nequiquam dixeris tam indignum dictum in me,
vehes pol hodie me, si quidem hoc argentum ferre speres.

An awful shame, isn’t it, really now? Not to have you saying
such shameful things of me free of charge, you’ll carry me
on your back to-day, by gad, that is, if you count on
getting this cash.

_Argyr._

Ten ego veham?

I carry you on my back--I?

_Lib._

Tun hoc feras argentum aliter a me? 700

See any other way of getting this cash, do you--you?

_Argyr._

Perii hercle. si verum quidem et decorum erum vehere servom,
inscende.

O damnation! Well, if it is right and proper for a master to
carry a servant on his back--get up.

_Lib._

Sic isti solent superbi subdomari.
asta igitur, ut consuetus es puer olim scin ut dicam?
em sic. abi, laudo, nec te equo magis est equos ullus sapiens.

Here’s how those toplofty ones are tamified. Now then, stand
by--the way you used to do years ago as a boy. Know how I
mean? (_Argyrippus sidles up and bends over_) There! That’s
it! Good for you! Capital! There isn’t a more knowing bit of
horse-flesh than you anywhere.

_Argyr._

Inscende actutum.

Get up, and be quick about it!

_Lib._

Ego fecero hem quid istuc est? ut tu incedis?
demam hercle iam de hordeo, tolutim ni badizas.

(_springing on his shoulders_) So I will. (_Argyrippus moves
off slowly_) Hullo! What’s the matter? How you do jog along!
By gad, I’ll dock your barley directly, if you don’t stir
yourself and gallop. (_Argyrippus gallops_)

_Argyr._

Amabo, Libane, iam sat est.

There’s a good fellow, Libanus,--that’s enough now!

_Lib._

Numquam hercle hodie exorabis
nam iam calcari quadrupedo agitabo advorsum clivom,
postidea ad pistores dabo, ut ibi cruciere currens.
asta ut descendam nunciam in proclivi, quamquam nequam es. 710

Not on your life--you don’t beg off this day. Why, now I’m
going to dig the spurs in and trot you up a hill: afterwards
I’ll hand you over to the millers to do some running for ’em
at the end of a rawhide. Stand still! so that I can dismount
on the slope now, even though you are a good-for-nothing
beast. (_gets off_)

_Argyr._

Quid nunc, amabo? quoniam, ut est libitum, nos delusistis,
datisne argentum?

How about it now? There’s a good fellow! Seeing you two have
had your fill of sport with me, going to give us the money,
are you?

_Lib._

Si quidem mihi statuam et aram statuis
atque ut deo mi hic immolas bovem: nam ego tibi Salus sum.

Oh well, if you put me up an altar and statue, yes, and
offer me up an ox here the same as a god: for I’m your
goddess Salvation, I am.

_Leon._

Etiam tu, ere, istunc amoves abs te atque[25] ipse me adgredere
atque illa, sibi quae hic iusserat, mihi statuis supplicasque?

Come, sir, get rid of that chap, won’t you, and apply
to me in person, yes, and let me have those statues and
supplications he ordered for himself.

_Argyr._

Quem te autem divom nominem?

Ah, and by what name does your godship pass?

_Leon._

Fortunam, atque Obsequentem.

Fortune, yes sir, Indulgent Fortune.

_Argyr._

Iam istoc es melior.

Now there’s where you are better.

_Lib._

An quid est homini Salute melius?

Eh? what’s better for a man than Salvation?

_Argyr._

Licet laudem Fortunam, tamen ut ne Salutem culpem.

I can praise Fortune and still not disparage Salvation.

_Phil._

Ecastor ambae sunt bonae.

Mercy me, they’re both good.

_Argyr._

Sciam ubi boni quid dederint.

I’ll know so when I get something good out of them.

_Leon._

Opta id quod ut contingat tibi vis.

Wish for something you want to happen to you.

_Argyr._

Quid si optaro?

What if I do?

_Leon._

Eveniet. 720

It’ll come true.

_Argyr._

Opto annum hunc perpetuom mihi huius operas.

My wish is to have this lady’s attentions this whole next
year through.

_Leon._

Impetrasti.

You’ve got it.

_Argyr._

Ain vero?

Really? really?

_Leon._

Certe inquam.

Sure thing I tell you.

_Lib._

Ad me adi vicissim atque experire.
exopta id quod vis maxime tibi evenire: fiet.

It’s my turn--come over here and give me a trial. Long for
something you most want to come true: it will.

_Argyr._

Quid ego aliud exoptem amplius nisi illud cuius inopiast,
viginti argenti commodas minas, huius quas dem matri.

What could I long for more than something I haven’t got a
trace of--a round eighty pounds to give this girl’s mother?

_Lib._

Dabuntur, animo sis bono face, exoptata optingent.

Forthcoming. Keep your courage up: your longing will be
gratified.

_Argyr._

Ut consuevere, homines Salus frustratur et Fortuna.

(_incredulous_) Salvation is at her old tricks, fooling
people, and Fortune too.

_Leon._

Ego caput huic argento fui hodie reperiundo.

In lighting on this cash to-day--I’m the one that’s been
the head of it!

_Lib._

Ego pes fui.

I’m the one that’s been the foot of it!

_Argyr._

Quin nec caput nec pes sermoni apparet.
nec quid dicatis scire nec me cur ludatis possum. 730

And upon my soul, your discourse is a puzzle from head to
foot. I can’t understand your talk, or why you’re making
game of me.

_Lib._

Satis iam delusum censeo. nunc rem ut est eloquamur.
animum. Argyrippe, advorte sis. pater nos ferre hoc iussit
argentum ad ted.

(_aside to Leonida_) I move he’s been fooled with long
enough. Come on, let’s out with it. (_to Argyrippus_) Your
kind attention, Argyrippus! Your father told us to bring
this money to you. (_holding up wallet_)

_Argyr._

Ut temperi opportuneque attulistis.

Oh, you’ve brought it just in time, just at the right
moment!

_Lib._

Hic inerunt viginti minae bonae, mala opera partae;
has tibi nos pactis legibus dare iussit.

You’ll find in here eighty good sovereigns ill-gotten: he
said to give ’em to you according to terms agreed upon.

_Argyr._

Quid id est, quaeso?

Terms? What terms, for mercy’s sake?

_Lib._

Noctem huius et cenam sibi ut dares.

That you’re to give him an evening with this lady, and a
dinner.

_Argyr._

Iube advenire quaeso:
meritissimo eius quae volet faciemus, qui hosce amores
nostros dispulsos compulit.

Tell him to come along, yes, yes! We’ll do what he wants,
and quite right we should, after the way he’s gathered our
scattered love to the fold. (_takes wallet from Libanus_)

_Leon._

Patierin, Argyrippe,
patrem hanc amplexari tuom?

Going to put up with your father’s hugging her, are you,
Argyrippus?

_Argyr._

Haec faciet facile ut patiar
Leonida, curre obsecro, patrem huc orato ut veniat. 740

(_waving wallet_) This will easily enable me to put up
with it. Leonida, for heaven’s sake run and beg my father to
come here.

_Leon._

Iam dudum est intus.

(_pointing to Cleareta’s house_) He was in there long ago.

_Argyr._

Hac quidem non venit.

He certainly didn’t come this way.

_Leon._

Angiporto
illac per hortum circum ut clam, ne quis se videret.
huc ire familiarium: ne uxor resciscat metuit
de argento si mater tua sciat ut sit factum--

Sneaked in by the alley there through the garden, so that
none of the servants would see him enter: he’s afraid of
his wife finding out. If your mother was to learn about
the money, how it was--

_Argyr._

Heia,
bene dicite.

Hold on there! No ominous remarks!

_Lib._

Ite intro cito.

In with you, quick!

_Argyr._

Valete.

Good-bye, you two.

_Leon._

Et vos amate.

And spoon away, you two.

[EXEUNT _Argyrippus_ AND _Philaenium_ INTO _Cleareta’s_
HOUSE, _Libanus_ AND _Leonida_ INTO HOUSE OF _Demaenetus._

ACTVS IV