Chapter C: F. BROWNE, Artemus Ward's Lecture

He cannot be complete in aught
Who is not humorously prone,--
A man without a merry thought
Can hardly have a funny bone.

FREDERICK LOCKER, _London Lyrics_.

An actor named Priest was playing at one of the
principal theatres. Some one remarked at the
Garrick Club that there were a great many more
in the pit--"Probably clerks who have taken Priest's
orders."

ABRAHAM HAYWARD, _Essays_.

And she? she marries money and a man.

ALFRED AUSTIN, _The Season_.

A lady of my acquaintance, a brunette, happened
to show her maid one of those little sticking-plaster
profiles which they used to call _silhouettes_.
It was the portrait of the lady's aunt, whom the girl had
never seen, and she said quite innocently, "La, ma'am,
I always thought as how you had some black relations,
you are so dark-like yourself, you know!"

FREDERICK LOCKER, _Patchwork_.

He pored upon the leaves, and on the flowers,
And heard a voice in all the winds; and then,
He thought of wood nymphs and immortal bowers,
And how the goddesses came down to men:
He miss'd the pathway, he forgot the hours,
And when he look'd upon his watch again,
He found how much old Time had been a winner--
He also found that he had lost his dinner.

LORD BYRON, _Don Juan_.

Ward had been a Whig, and became ministerial.
"I wonder what could make me turn Whig
again," said Ward. "That I can tell you," said
[Lord] Byron. "They have only to _re-Ward_ you."

CRABB ROBINSON, _Diary_.

_DISTICH._

As the meek beasts in the Garden came flocking for Adam to name them,
Men for a title to-day crawl to the feet of a king.

JOHN HAY, _Poems_.

You cannot have everything, as the man said when
he was down with small-pox and cholera, and
the yellow fever came into the neighbourhood.