Chapter CXXV: Act II: Scene I.4046

_Enter_ OVERREACH _and_ MARRALL.

_Over._ He ’s gone, I warrant thee; this commission crush’d him.

_Mar._ Your worships have the way on ’t, and ne’er miss
To squeeze these unthrifts into air; and yet,
The chapfallen[4047] justice did his part, returning
For your advantage the certificate, 5
Against his conscience, and his knowledge too,
With your good favour, to the utter ruin
Of the poor farmer.

_Over._ ’T was for these good ends
I made him a justice; he that bribes his belly,
Is certain to command his soul.

_Mar._ I wonder, 10
Still with your license, why your worship having
The power to put his thin-gut in commission,
You are not in ’t yourself?

_Over._ Thou art a fool;
In being out of office I am out of danger;
Where, if I were a justice, besides the trouble,
I might, or out of wilfulness or error, 16
Run myself finely into a _premunire_,[4048]
And so become a prey to the informer.
No, I ’ll have none of ’t; ’t is enough I keep
Greedy at my devotion; so he serve 20
My purposes, let him hang or damn, I care not;
Friendship is but a word.

_Mar._ You are all wisdom.

_Over._ I would be worldly wise; for the other wisdom,
That does prescribe us a well govern’d life,
And to do right to others as ourselves, 25
I value not an atom.

_Mar._ What course take you,
With your good patience, to hedge in the manor
Of your neighbour, Master Frugal? as ’t is said
He will nor sell, nor borrow, nor exchange;
And his land, lying in the midst of your many lordships, 30
Is a foul blemish.

_Over._ I have thought on ’t, Marrall,
And it shall take. I must have all men sellers,
And I the only purchaser.

_Mar._ ’T is most fit, sir.

_Over._ I ’ll therefore buy some cottage near his manor,
Which done, I ’ll make my men break ope his fences, 35
Ride o’er his standing corn, and in the night
Set fire on his barns, or break his cattle’s legs.
These trespasses draw on suits and suits expenses,
Which I can spare, but will soon beggar him.
When I have harried him thus two or three year, 40
Though he sue in _forma pauperis_, in spite
Of all his thrift and care, he ’ll grow behindhand.

_Mar._ The best I ever heard! I could adore you.

_Over._ Then, with the favour of my man of law,
I will pretend some title. Want will force him
To put it to arbitrement; then, if he sell 46
For half the value, he shall have ready money,
And I possess his land.

_Mar._ ’T is above wonder!
Wellborn was apt to sell, and needed not
Those fine arts, sir, to hook him in.

_Over._ Well thought on. 50
This varlet, Marrall, lives too long, to upbraid me
With my close cheat upon him. Will nor cold
Nor hunger kill him?

_Mar._ I know not what to think on ’t.
I have us’d all means; and the last night I caus’d 54
His host, the tapster, to turn him out of doors;
And have been since with all your friends and tenants,
And, on the forfeit of your favour, charg’d them,
Though a crust of mouldy bread would keep him from starving,
Yet they should not relieve him. This is done, sir.

_Over._ That was something, Marrall; but thou must go further, 60
And suddenly, Marrall.

_Mar._ Where, and when you please, sir.

_Over._ I would have thee seek him out, and, if thou canst,
Persuade him that ’t is better steal than beg;
Then, if I prove he has but robb’d a henroost,
Not all the world shall save him from the gallows. 65
Do any thing to work him to despair;
And ’t is thy masterpiece.

_Mar._ I will do my best, sir.

_Over._ I am now on my main work with the Lord Lovell,
The gallant-minded, popular Lord Lovell,
The minion of the people’s love. I hear 70
He ’s come into the country, and my aims are
To insinuate myself into his knowledge,
And then invite him to my house.

_Mar._ I have you;
This points at my young mistress.

_Over._ She must part with
That humble title, and write honourable,
Right honourable, Marrall, my right honourable daughter, 76
If all I have, or e’er shall get, will do it.
I ’ll have her well attended; there are ladies
Of errant knights decay’d and brought so low,
That for cast clothes and meat will gladly serve her. 80
And ’t is my glory, though I come from the city,
To have their issue whom I have undone,
To kneel to mine as bondslaves.

_Mar._ ’T is fit state, sir.

_Over._ And therefore, I ’ll not have a chambermaid
That ties her shoes, or any meaner office, 85
But such whose fathers were right worshipful.
’T is a rich man’s pride! there having ever been
More than a feud, a strange antipathy,
Between us and true gentry.

_Enter_ WELLBORN.

_Mar._ See, who ’s here, sir.

_Over._ Hence, monster! prodigy!

_Well._ Sir, your wife’s nephew; 90
She and my father tumbled in one belly.

_Over._ Avoid my sight! thy breath’s infectious, rogue!
I shun thee as a leprosy, or the plague.
Come hither, Marrall—[_aside_] this is the time to work him. _Exit._

_Mar._ I warrant you, sir.

_Well._ By this light I think he ’s mad. 95

_Mar._ Mad! had you ta’en compassion on yourself,
You long since had been mad.

_Well._ You have ta’en a course,
Between you and my venerable uncle,
To make me so.

_Mar._ The more pale-spirited you,
That would not be instructed. I swear deeply—— 100

_Well._ By what?

_Mar._ By my religion.

_Well._ Thy religion!
The devil’s creed:—but what would you have done?

_Mar._ Had there been but one tree in all the shire,
Nor any hope to compass a penny halter,
Before, like you, I had outliv’d my fortunes, 105
A withe had serv’d my turn to hang myself.
I am zealous in your cause; pray you hang yourself,
And presently,[4049] as you love your credit.

_Well._ I thank you.

_Mar._ Will you stay till you die in a ditch, or lice devour you?——
Or, if you dare not do the feat yourself, 110
But that you ’ll put the state to charge and trouble,
Is there no purse to be cut, house to be broken,
Or market-woman with eggs, that you may murder,
And so dispatch the business?

_Well._ Here ’s variety,
I must confess; but I ’ll accept of none 115
Of all your gentle offers, I assure you.

_Mar._ Why, have you hope ever to eat again,
Or drink? or be the master of three farthings?
If you like not hanging, drown yourself! Take some course
For your reputation.

_Well._ ’T will not do, dear tempter, 120
With all the rhetoric the fiend hath taught you,
I am as far as thou art from despair;
Nay, I have confidence, which is more than hope,
To live, and suddenly, better than ever.

_Mar._ Ha! ha! these castles you build in the air 125
Will not persuade me to give or lend
A token to you.

_Well._ I ’ll be more kind to thee:
Come, thou shalt dine with me.

_Mar._ With you!

_Well._ Nay more, dine gratis.

_Mar._ Under what hedge, I pray you? or at whose cost?
Are they padders[4050] or abram-men[4051] that are your consorts? 130

_Well._ Thou art incredulous; but thou shalt dine
Not alone at her house, but with a gallant lady;
With me, and with a lady.

_Mar._ Lady! what lady?
With the Lady of the Lake, or Queen of Fairies?
For I know it must be an enchanted dinner. 135

_Well._ With the Lady Allworth, knave.

_Mar._ Nay, now there ’s hope
Thy brain is crack’d.

_Well._ Mark there, with what respect
I am entertain’d.

_Mar._ With choice, no doubt, of dog-whips.
Why, dost thou ever hope to pass her porter?

_Well._ ’T is not far off, go with me; trust thine own eyes. 140

_Mar._ Troth, in my hope, or my assurance rather,
To see thee curvet[4052] and mount like a dog in a blanket,
If ever thou presume to pass her threshold,
I will endure thy company.

_Well._ Come along then. _Exeunt._

SCENE II.[4053]

[_Enter_] ALLWORTH, Waiting Woman, Chambermaid, ORDER, AMBLE, FURNACE, _and_ WATCHALL.

_Woman._ Could you not command your leisure one hour longer?

_Cham._ Or half an hour?

_All._ I have told you what my haste is:
Besides, being now another’s, not mine own,
Howe’er I much desire to enjoy you longer,
My duty suffers, if, to please myself, 5
I should neglect my lord.

_Woman._ Pray you do me the favour
To put these few quince-cakes into your pocket;
They are of mine own preserving.

_Cham._ And this marmalade;
’T is comfortable for your stomach.

_Woman._ And, at parting,
Excuse me if I beg a farewell from you. 10

_Cham._ You are still before me. I move the same suit, sir.
[ALLWORTH] _kisses them severally._

_Furn._ How greedy these chamberers are of a beardless chin!
I think the tits[4054] will ravish him.

_All._ My service
To both.

_Woman._ Ours waits on you.

_Cham._ And shall do ever.

_Ord._ You are my lady’s charge, be therefore careful 15
That you sustain your parts.

_Woman._ We can bear, I warrant you.

_Exeunt_ W. Woman _and_ Chambermaid.

_Furn._ Here, drink it off; the ingredients are cordial,
And this the true elixir; it hath boil’d
Since midnight for you. ’T is the quintessence
Of five cocks of the game, ten dozen of sparrows, 20
Knuckles of veal, potato-roots and marrow,
Coral and ambergris. Were you two years older,
And I had a wife, or gamesome mistress,
I durst trust you with neither. You need not bait
After this, I warrant you, though your journey ’s long; 25
You may ride on the strength of this till tomorrow morning.

_All._ Your courtesies overwhelm me: I much grieve
To part from such true friends; and yet find comfort,
My attendance on my honourable lord,
Whose resolution holds to visit my lady, 30
Will speedily bring me back.

_Knocking at the gate._

_Mar._ (_within._) Dar’st thou venture further?

_Well._ (_within._) Yes, yes, and knock again.

_Ord._ ’T is he; disperse!

_Amb._ Perform it bravely.

_Furn._ I know my cue, ne’er doubt me.
_Exeunt_ [_all but_ ALLWORTH].

[_Enter_ WATCHALL, _ceremoniously introducing_ WELLBORN _and_ MARRALL.]

_Watch._ Beast that I was, to make you stay! Most welcome; 34
You were long since expected.

_Well._ Say so much
To my friend, I pray you.

_Watch._ For your sake, I will, sir.

_Mar._ For his sake!

_Well._ Mum; this is nothing.

_Mar._ More than ever
I would have believ’d, though I had found it in my primer.

_All._ When I have given your reasons for my late harshness,
You ’ll pardon and excuse me; for, believe me, 40
Though now I part abruptly, in my service
I will deserve it.

_Mar._ Service! with a vengeance!

_Well._ I am satisfied: farewell, Tom.

_All._ All joy stay with you! _Exit._

_Re-enter_ AMBLE.

_Amb._ You are happily encounter’d; I yet never
Presented one so welcome as I know 45
You will be to my lady.

_Mar._ This is some vision,
Or, sure, these men are mad, to worship a dunghill;
It cannot be a truth.

_Well._ Be still a pagan,
An unbelieving infidel; be so, miscreant,
And meditate on “blankets, and on dog-whips!” 50

_Re-enter_ FURNACE.

_Furn._ I am glad you are come; until I know your pleasure
I knew not how to serve up my lady’s dinner.

_Mar._ His pleasure! is it possible?

_Well._ What ’s thy will?

_Furn._ Marry, sir, I have some grouse, and turkey chicken,
Some rails[4055] and quails, and my lady will’d me ask you, 55
What kind of sauces best affect your palate,
That I may use my utmost skill to please it.

_Mar._ [_Aside._] The devil ’s enter’d this cook. Sauce for his palate!
That, on my knowledge, for almost this twelve-month,
Durst wish but cheese-parings and brown bread on Sundays. 60

_Well._ That way I like ’em best.

_Furn._ It shall be done, sir. _Exit._

_Well._ What think you of “the hedge we shall dine under?”
Shall we feed gratis?

_Mar._ I know not what to think;
Pray you make me not mad.

_Re-enter_ ORDER.

_Ord._ This place becomes you not; 64
Pray you walk, sir, to the dining room.

_Well._ I am well here,
Till her ladyship quits her chamber.

_Mar._ Well here, say you?
’T is a rare change! But yesterday you thought
Yourself well in a barn, wrapp’d up in peas-straw.

_Re-enter_ Waiting Woman _and_ Chambermaid.

_Woman._ O! sir, you are wish’d for.

_Cham._ My lady dreamt, sir, of you.

_Woman._ And the first command she gave, after she rose, 70
Was (her devotions done) to give her notice
When you approach’d here.

_Cham._ Which is done, on my virtue.

_Mar._ I shall be converted; I begin to grow
Into a new belief, which saints nor angels 74
Could have won me to have faith in.

_Woman._ Sir, my lady!

_Enter_ LADY ALLWORTH.

_L. All._ I come to meet you, and languish’d till I saw you.
This first kiss is for form; I allow a second
To such a friend. [_Kisses_ WELLBORN.]

_Mar._ To such a friend! Heaven bless me!

_Well._ I am wholly yours; yet, madam, if you please
To grace this gentleman with a salute—— 80

_Mar._ Salute me at his bidding!

_Well._ I shall receive it
As a most high favour.

_L. All._ Sir, you may command me.
[_Advances to kiss_ MARRALL, _who retires_.]

_Well._ Run backward from a lady! and such a lady!

_Mar._ To kiss her foot is, to poor me, a favour
I am unworthy of. _Offers to kiss her foot._

_L. All._ Nay, pray you rise; 85
And since you are so humble, I ’ll exalt you.
You shall dine with me to-day, at mine own table.

_Mar._ Your ladyship’s table! I am not good enough
To sit at your steward’s board.

_L. All._ You are too modest;
I will not be deni’d.

_Re-enter_ FURNACE.

_Furn._ Will you still be babbling 90
Till your meat freeze on the table? The old trick still;
My art ne’er thought on!

_L. All._ Your arm, Master Wellborn:——
Nay, keep us company. [_To_ MARRALL.]

_Mar._ I was ne’er so grac’d.

_Exeunt_ WELLBORN, LADY ALLWORTH, AMBLE, MARRALL, W. Woman, [_and_ Chambermaid.]

_Ord._ So! we have play’d our parts, and are come off well;
But if I know the mystery, why my lady 95
Consented to it, or why Master Wellborn
Desir’d it, may I perish!

_Furn._ Would I had
The roasting of his heart that cheated him,
And forces the poor gentleman to these shifts!
By fire! for cooks are Persians, and swear by it, 100
Of all the griping and extorting tyrants
I ever heard or read of, I ne’er met
A match to Sir Giles Overreach.

_Watch._ What will you take
To tell him so, fellow Furnace?

_Furn._ Just as much
As my throat is worth, for that would be the price on ’t. 105
To have a usurer that starves himself,
And wears a cloak of one and twenty years
On a suit of fourteen groats, bought of the hangman,
To grow rich, and then purchase, is too common;
But this Sir Giles feeds high, keeps many servants, 110
Who must at his command do any outrage;
Rich in his habit, vast in his expenses;
Yet he to admiration[4056] still increases
In wealth and lordships.

_Ord._ He frights men out of their estates,
And breaks through all law-nets, made to curb ill men, 115
As they were cobwebs. No man dares reprove him,
Such a spirit to dare and power to do were never
Lodg’d so unluckily.

_Re-enter_ AMBLE [_laughing_].

_Amb._ Ha! ha! I shall burst.

_Ord._ Contain thyself, man.

_Furn._ Or make us partakers
Of your sudden mirth.

_Amb._ Ha! ha! my lady has got 120
Such a guest at her table!—this term-driver, Marrall,
This snip of an attorney——

_Furn._ What of him, man?

_Amb._ The knave thinks still he ’s at the cook’s shop
in Ram Alley,[4057]
Where the clerks divide, and the elder is to choose;
And feeds so slovenly!

_Furn._ Is this all?

_Amb._ My lady 125
Drank to him for fashion sake, or to please Master Wellborn;
As I live, he rises, and takes up a dish
In which there were some remnants of a boil’d capon,
And pledges her in white broth!

_Furn._ Nay, ’t is like
The rest of his tribe.

_Amb._ And when I brought him wine, 130
He leaves his stool, and, after a leg or two,
Most humbly thanks my worship.

_Ord._ Risen already!

_Amb._ I shall be chid.

_Re-enter_ LADY ALLWORTH, WELLBORN, _and_ MARRALL.

_Furn._ My lady frowns.

_L. All._ You wait well! [_To_ AMBLE]
Let me have no more of this: I observ’d your jeering.
Sirrah, I ’ll have you know, whom I think worthy 135
To sit at my table, be he ne’er so mean,
When I am present, is not your companion.

_Ord._ Nay, she ’ll preserve what ’s due to her.

_Furn._ This refreshing
Follows your flux of laughter.

_L. All._ [_to_ WELLBORN.] You are master
Of your own will. I know so much of manners,
As not to inquire your purposes; in a word, 141
To me you are ever welcome, as to a house
That is your own.

_Wel._ [_Aside to_ MARRALL.] Mark that.

_Mar._ With reverence, sir,
An it like your worship.

_Well._ Trouble yourself no further,
Dear madam; my heart ’s full of zeal and service, 145
However in my language I am sparing.
Come, Master Marrall.

_Mar._ I attend your worship.
_Exeunt_ WELLBORN _and_ MARRALL.

_L. All._ I see in your looks you are sorry, and you know me
An easy mistress. Be merry; I have forgot all.
Order and Furnace, come with me; I must give you 150
Further directions.

_Ord._ What you please,

_Furn._ We are ready. _Exeunt._

SCENE III.[4058]

[_Enter_] WELLBORN, _and_ MARRALL [_bareheaded_].

_Well._ I think I am in a good way.

_Mar._ Good! Sir, the best way,
The certain best way.

_Well._ There are casualties
That men are subject to.

_Mar._ You are above ’em;
And as you are already worshipful,
I hope ere long you will increase in worship, 5
And be right worshipful.

_Well._ Prithee do not flout me:
What I shall be, I shall be. Is ’t for your ease,
You keep your hat off?

_Mar._ Ease! an it like your worship!
I hope Jack Marrall shall not live so long,
To prove himself such an unmannerly beast, 10
Though it hail hazel-nuts, as to be cover’d
When your worship ’s present.

_Well._ (_Aside._) Is not this a true rogue,
That, out of mere hope of a future coz’nage,[4059]
Can turn thus suddenly? ’T is rank already.

_Mar._ I know your worship’s wise, and needs no counsel, 15
Yet if, in my desire to do you service,
I humbly offer my advice, (but still
Under correction,) I hope I shall not
Incur your high displeasure.

_Well._ No; speak freely.

_Mar._ Then, in my judgment, sir, my simple judgment, 20
(Still with your worship’s favour,) I could wish you
A better habit, for this cannot be
But much distasteful to the noble lady
(I say no more) that loves you; for, this morning,
To me, and I am but a swine to her, 25
Before th’ assurance of her wealth perfum’d you,
You savour’d not of amber.[4060]

_Well._ I do now then!

_Mar._ This your batoon hath got a touch of it.——
_Kisses the end of his cudgel._
Yet, if you please, for change, I have twenty pounds here,
Which, out of my true love, I ’ll presently 30
Lay down at your worship’s feet; ’t will serve to buy you
A riding suit.

_Well._ But where ’s the horse?

_Mar._ My gelding
Is at your service; nay, you shall ride me,
Before your worship shall be put to the trouble
To walk afoot. Alas, when you are lord 35
Of this lady’s manor, as I know you will be,
You may with the lease of glebe land, called Knave’s-acre,
A place I would manure,[4061] requite your vassal.

_Well._ I thank thy love, but must make no use of it;
What ’s twenty pounds?

_Mar._ ’T is all that I can make, sir. 40

_Well._ Dost thou think, though I want clothes, I could not have ’em,
For one word to my lady?

_Mar._ As I know not that!

_Well._ Come, I will tell thee a secret, and so leave thee.
I will not give her the advantage, though she be
A gallant-minded lady, after we are married, 45
(There being no woman but is sometimes froward,)
To hit me in the teeth, and say, she was forc’d
To buy my wedding-clothes, and took me on
With a plain riding-suit, and an ambling nag.
No, I ’ll be furnish’d something like myself, 50
And so farewell: for thy suit touching Knave’s-acre,
When it is mine, ’t is thine.

_Mar._ I thank your worship. _Exit_ WELL.
How was I cozen’d[4062] in the calculation
Of this man’s fortune! My master cozen’d too,
Whose pupil I am in the art of undoing men; 55
For that is our profession! Well, well, Master Wellborn,
You are of a sweet nature, and fit again to be cheated:
Which, if the Fates please, when you are possess’d
Of the land and lady, you, sans question, shall be.
I ’ll presently think of the means. _Walks by, musing._

_Enter_ OVERREACH, [_speaking to a_ Servant _within._]

_Over._ Sirrah, take my horse, 60
I ’ll walk to get me an appetite; ’t is but a mile,
And exercise will keep me from being pursy.[4063]
Ha! Marrall! Is he conjuring? Perhaps
The knave has wrought the prodigal to do
Some outrage on himself, and now he feels 65
Compunction in his conscience for ’t: no matter.
So it be done. Marrall!

_Mar._ Sir.

_Over._ How succeed we
In our plot on Wellborn?

_Mar._ Never better, sir.

_Over._ Has he hang’d or drown’d himself?

_Mar._ No, sir, he lives;
Lives once more to be made a prey to you, 70
A greater prey than ever.

_Over._ Art thou in thy wits?
If thou art, reveal this miracle, and briefly.

_Mar._ A lady, sir, is fall’n in love with him.

_Over._ With him? What lady?

_Mar._ The rich Lady Allworth.

_Over._ Thou dolt! how dar’st thou speak this?

_Mar._ I speak truth; 75
And I do so but once a year, unless
It be to you, sir. We din’d with her ladyship,
I thank his worship.

_Over._ His worship!

_Mar._ As I live, sir,
I din’d with him, at the great lady’s table,
Simple as I stand here; and saw when she kiss’d him, 80
And would, at his request, have kiss’d me too:
But I was not so audacious as some youths are,
That dare do anything, be it ne’er so absurd,
And sad after performance.

_Over._ Why, thou rascal!
To tell me these impossibilities. 85
Dine at her table! and kiss him! or thee!——
Impudent varlet, have not I myself,
To whom great countesses’ doors have oft flew open,
Ten times attempted, since her husband’s death,
In vain, to see her, though I came—a suitor?
And yet your good solicitorship, and rogue Wellborn, 91
Were brought into her presence, feasted with her!——
But that I know thee a dog that cannot blush,
This most incredible lie would call up one
On thy buttermilk cheeks.

_Mar._ Shall I not trust my eyes, sir, 95
Or taste? I feel her good cheer in my belly.

_Over._ You shall feel me, if you give not over, sirrah:
Recover your brains again, and be no more gull’d
With a beggar’s plot, assisted by the aids
Of serving-men and chambermaids, for beyond these 100
Thou never saw’st a woman, or I ’ll quit you
From my employments.

_Mar._ Will you credit this yet?
On my confidence of their marriage, I offer’d Wellborn——
(_Aside._) I would give a crown now I durst say “his worship”——
My nag and twenty pounds.

_Over._ Did you so, idiot! (_Strikes him down._)
Was this the way to work him to despair, 106
Or rather to cross me?

_Mar._ Will your worship kill me?

_Over._ No, no; but drive the lying spirit out of you.

_Mar._ He ’s gone.

_Over._ I have done then: now, forgetting
Your late imaginary feast and lady, 110
Know, my Lord Lovell dines with me to-morrow.
Be careful nought be wanting to receive him;
And bid my daughter’s women trim her up,
Though they paint her, so she catch the lord, I ’ll thank them.
There ’s a piece for my late blows.

_Mar._ (_Aside._) I must yet suffer: 115
But there may be a time——

_Over._ Do you grumble?

_Mar._ No, sir. [_Exeunt._]