Chapter CXXXVI: Act II: Scene I.4260

_Enter_ SIR THOMAS BORNWELL.

_Born._ ’T is a strange humour I have undertaken,
To dance, and play, and spend as fast as she does;
But I am resolv’d: it may do good upon her,
And fright her into thrift. Nay, I ’ll endeavour
To make her jealous too; if this do not 5
Allay her gamboling, she ’s past a woman,
And only a miracle must tame her.

_Enter_ Steward.

_Stew._ ’T is master Frederick, my lady’s nephew.

_Born._ What of him?

_Stew._ Is come from the university.

_Born._ By whose directions?

_Stew._ It seems, my lady’s.

_Born._ Let me speak with him 10
Before he see his aunt. [_Exit_ Stew.]—I do not like it.—
_Enter_ [Steward, _with_] MASTER FREDERICK, [_in his college dress_.]
Master Frederick, welcome! I expected not
So soon your presence; what ’s the hasty cause?

_Fred._ These letters, from my tutor, will acquaint you.
[_Gives_ BORNWELL _letters._]

_Stew._ Welcome home, sweet Master Frederick!

_Fred._ Where ’s my aunt? 15

_Stew._ She ’s busy about her painting, in her closet;
The outlandish man of art is copying out
Her countenance.

_Fred._ She is sitting for her picture?

_Stew._ Yes, sir; and when ’t is drawn she will be hang’d
Next the French cardinal, in the dining-room.
But when she hears you ’re come, she will dismiss 21
The Belgic gentleman, to entertain
Your worship.

_Fred._ Change of air has made you witty.

_Born._ Your tutor gives you a handsome character,
Frederick, and is sorry your aunt’s pleasure 25
Commands you from your studies; but I hope
You have no quarrel to the liberal arts.
Learning is an addition[4261] beyond
Nobility of birth. Honour of blood,
Without the ornament of knowledge, is 30
A glorious[4262] ignorance.

_Fred._ I never knew more sweet and happy hours
Than I employ’d upon my books. I heard
A part of my philosophy, and was so
Delighted with the harmony of nature, 35
I could have wasted my whole life upon ’t.

_Born._ [_Aside._] ’T is pity a rash indulgence should corrupt
So fair a genius! She ’s here; I ’ll observe.

_Enter_ Lady BORNWELL, KICKSHAW, _and_ LITTLEWORTH.

_Fred._ My most lov’d aunt!

_Lady B._ Support me, I shall faint.

_Little._ What ails your ladyship?

_Lady B._ Is that Frederick, 40
In black?

_Kick._ Yes, madam; but the doublet ’s satin.

_Lady B._ The boy ’s undone!

_Fred._ Madam, you appear troubled.

_Lady B._ Have I not cause? Was not I trusted with
Thy education, boy, and have they sent thee
Home like a very scholar!

_Kick._ ’T was ill done, 45
Howe’er they us’d him in the university,
To send him to his friends thus.

_Fred._ Why, sir? Black,
(For ’t is the colour that offends your eye-sight,)
Is not, within my reading, any blemish;
Sables are no disgrace in heraldry. 50

_Kick._ ’T is coming from the college thus, that makes it
Dishonourable. While you wore it for
Your father, it was commendable; or were
Your aunt dead, you might mourn, and justify.

_Lady B._ What luck[4263] I did not send him into France! 55
They would have given him generous education,
Taught him another garb, to wear his lock,[4264]
And shape, as gaudy as the summer; how
To dance, and wag his feather _à-la-mode_,
To compliment, and cringe; to talk not modestly, 60
Like, “ay forsooth,” and “no forsooth;” to blush,
And look so like a chaplain!—There he might
Have learn’d a brazen confidence, and observ’d
So well the custom of the country, that
He might, by this time, have invented fashions
For us, and been a benefit to the kingdom; 66
Preserv’d our tailors in their wits, and sav’d
The charge of sending into foreign courts
For pride and antic fashions.—Observe
In what a posture he does hold his hat now! 70

_Fred._ Madam, with your pardon, you have practis’d
Another dialect than was taught me when
I was commended to your care and breeding.
I understand not this; Latin or Greek
Are more familiar to my apprehension: 75
Logic was not so hard in my first lectures
As your strange language.

_Lady B._ Some strong waters; oh!

_Little._ Comfits will be as comfortable to your stomach, madam.
[_Offers his box._]

_Lady B._ I fear he ’s spoil’d for ever! He did name
Logic, and may, for aught I know, be gone 80
So far to understand it. I did always
Suspect they would corrupt him in the college.—
Will your Greek saws and sentences discharge
The mercer? Or is Latin a fit language
To court a mistress in?—Master Alexander, 85
If you have any charity, let me
Commend him to your breeding.—I suspect
I must employ my doctor first, to purge
The university that lies in ’s head;
It alters his complexion.

_Kick._ If you dare 90
Trust me to serve him—

_Lady B._ Master Littleworth,
Be you join’d in commission.

_Little._ I will teach him
Postures and rudiments.

_Lady B._ I have no patience
To see him in this shape; it turns my stomach.
When he has cast his academic skin 95
He shall be yours. I am bound in conscience
To see him bred; his own state shall maintain
The charge, while he ’s my ward.—Come hither, sir.

_Fred._ What does my aunt mean to do with me?

_Stew._ To make you a fine gentleman, and translate you 100
Out of your learned language, sir, into
The present Goth and Vandal, which is French.

_Born._ [_Aside._] Into what mischief will this humour ebb?
She will undo the boy; I see him ruin’d.
My patience is not manly; but I must 105
Use stratagem to reduce her: open ways
Give me no hope.

_Stew._ You shall be obey’d, madam.
_Exeunt_ [_all but_ FREDERICK _and_ Steward].

_Fred._ Master Steward, are you sure we do not dream?
Was ’t not my aunt you talkt to?

_Stew._ One that loves you
Dear as her life. These clothes do not become you, 110
You must have better, sir—

_Fred._ There are not old.

_Stew._ More suitable to the town and time; we keep
No Lent here, nor is ’t my lady’s pleasure you
Should fast from anything you have a mind to;
Unless it be your learning, which she would have you 115
Forget with all convenient speed that may be,
For the credit of your noble family.
The case is alter’d since we liv’d i’ th’ country;
We do not now invite the poor o’ th’ parish
To dinner, keep a table for the tenants; 120
Our kitchen does not smell of beef; the cellar
Defies the price of malt and hops; the footmen
And coach-drivers may be drunk like gentlemen,
With wine; nor will three fiddlers upon holidays,
With aid of bag-pipes, that call’d in the country 125
To dance, and plough the hall up with their hob-nails,
Now make my lady merry. We do feed
Like princes, and feast nothing else but princes;
And are these robes fit to to be seen amongst ’em?

_Fred._ My lady keeps a court then! Is Sir Thomas 130
Affected[4265] with this state and cost?

_Stew._ He was not,
But is converted: and I hope you wo’ not
Persist in heresy, but take a course
Of riot, to content your friends; you shall
Want nothing, if you can be proud, and spend it 135
For my lady’s honour. Here are a hundred
Pieces, will serve you till you have new clothes;
I will present you with a nag of mine,
Poor tender of my service, please you accept;
My lady’s smile more than rewards me for it. 140
I must provide fit servants to attend you,
Monsieurs, for horse and foot.

_Fred._ I shall submit,
If this be my aunt’s pleasure, and be rul’d;
My eyes are open’d with this purse already,
And sack will help to inspire me. I must spend it? 145

_Stew._ What else, sir?

_Fred._ I ’ll begin with you: to encourage
You to have still a special care of me,
There is five pieces,—not for your nag.

_Stew._ No, sir; I hope it is not.

_Fred._ Buy a beaver
For thy own block;[4266] I shall be rul’d. Who does 150
Command the wine cellar?

_Stew._ Who commands but you, sir?

_Fred._ I ’ll try to drink a health or two, my aunt’s,
Or anybody’s; and if that foundation
Stagger me not too much, I will commence
In all the arts of London.

_Stew._ If you find, sir, 155
The operation of the wine exalt
Your blood to the desire of any female
Delight, I know your aunt wo’ not deny
Any of her chambermaids to practise on;
She loves you but too well.

_Fred._ I know not how 160
I may be for that exercise.—Farewell, Aristotle,
Prithee commend me to the library
At Westminster; my bones I bequeath thither,
And to the learned worms that mean to visit ’em.
I will compose myself; I begin to think 165
I have lost time indeed.—Come to the wine cellar. _Exeunt._

[SCENE II.][4267]

_Enter_ CELESTINA, MARIANA, _and_ ISABELLA.

_Mar._ But shall we not, madam, expose ourselves
To censure for this freedom?

_Cel._ Let them answer
That dare mistake us. Shall we be so much
Cowards, to be frighted from our pleasure,
Because men have malicious tongues, and show
What miserable souls they have? No, cousin, 6
We hold our life and fortunes upon no
Man’s charity; if they dare show so little
Discretion to traduce our fames, we will
Be guilty of so much wit to laugh at ’em. 10

_Isab._ ’T is a becoming fortitude.

_Cel._ My stars
Are yet kind to me; for, in a happy minute
Be ’t spoke, I ’m not in love, and men shall never
Make my heart lean with sighing, nor with tears
Draw on my eyes the infamy of spectacles. 15
’T is the chief principle to keep your heart
Under your own obedience; jest, but love not.
I say my prayers, yet can wear good clothes,
And only satisfy my tailor for ’em.
I will not lose my privilege. 20

_Mar._ And yet they say your entertainments are,
Give me your pardon, madam, to proclaim
Yourself a widow, and to get a husband.

_Cel._ As if a lady of my years, some beauty,
Left by her husband rich, that had mourn’d for him 25
A twelvemonth too, could live so obscure i’ th’ town,
That gallants would not know her, and invite
Themselves, without her chargeable[4268] proclamations!
Then we are worse than citizens: no widow
Left wealthy can be thoroughly warm in mourning, 30
But some one noble blood, or lusty kindred,
Claps in, with his gilt coach, and Flandrian[4269] trotters,
And hurries her away to be a countess.
Courtiers have spies, and great ones with large titles,
Cold in their own estates, would warm themselves 35
At a rich city bonfire.

_Isab._ Most true, madam.

_Cel._ No matter for corruption of the blood:
Some undone courtier made her husband rich,
And this new lord receives it back again.
Admit it were my policy, and that 40
My entertainments pointed to acquaint me
With many suitors, that I might be safe
And make the best election, could you blame me?

_Mar._ Madam, ’t is wisdom.

_Cel._ But I should be
In my thoughts miserable, to be fond[4270] 45
Of leaving the sweet freedom I possess,
And court myself into new marriage fetters.
I now observe men’s several wits and windings,[4271]
And can laugh at their follies.

_Mar._ You have given
A most ingenious satisfaction. 50

_Cel._ One thing I ’ll tell you more, and this I give you
Worthy your imitation, from my practice:
You see me merry, full of song and dancing,
Pleasant in language, apt to all delights
That crown a public meeting; but you cannot
Accuse me of being prodigal of my favours 56
To any of my guests. I do not summon,
By any wink, a gentleman to follow me
To my withdrawing chamber; I hear all
Their pleas in court, nor can they boast abroad,
And do me justice, after a salute,[4272] 61
They have much conversation with my lip.
I hold the kissing of my hand a courtesy,
And he that loves me, must, upon the strength
Of that, expect till I renew his favour. 65
Some ladies are so expensive in their graces
To those that honour ’em, and so prodigal,
That in a little time they have nothing but
The naked sin left to reward their servants;
Whereas, a thrift in our rewards will keep 70
Men long in their devotion, and preserve
Ourselves in stock, to encourage those that honour us.

_Isab._ This is an art worthy a lady’s practice.

_Cel._ It takes not from the freedom of our mirth,
But seems to advance it, when we can possess
Our pleasures with security of our honour; 76
And, that preserv’d, I welcome all the joys
My fancy can let in. In this I have given
The copy of my mind; nor do I blush
You understand it.

_Isab._ You have honour’d us. 80

_Enter_ CELESTINA’S Gentlewoman.

_Gentlew._ Madam, Sir William Scentlove’s come to wait on you.

_Cel._ There ’s one would be a client.—Make excuse
For a few minutes. [_Exit_ Gentlewoman.]

_Mar._ One that comes a wooing?

_Cel._ Such a thing he would seem, but in his guiltiness
Of little land, his expectation is not 85
So valiant as it might be. He wears rich clothes,
And feeds with noblemen; to some, I hear,
No better than a wanton emissary,
Or scout for Venus’ wild fowl; which made tame,
He thinks no shame to stand court sentinel, 90
In hope of the reversion.

_Mar._ I have heard
That some of them are often my lord’s tasters,
The first fruits they condition for, and will
Exact as fees, for the promotion.

_Cel._ Let them agree; there ’s no account shall lie 95
For me among their traffic.

_Re-enter_ Gentlewoman.

_Gentlew._ Master Haircut, madam,
Is new come in, to tender you his service.

_Cel._ Let him discourse a little with Sir William.
_Exit_ Gentlewoman.

_Mar._ What is this gentleman, Master Haircut, madam?
I note him very gallant, and much courted 100
By gentlemen of quality.

_Cel._ I know not,
More than a trim gay man; he has some great office,
Sure, by his confident behaviour.
He would be entertain’d under the title
Of servant[4273] to me, and I must confess, 105
He is the sweetest of all men that visit me.

_Isab._ How mean you, madam?

_Cel._ He is full of powder;
He will save much in perfume for my chamber,
Were he but constant here.—Give ’em access.

_Enter_ SIR WILLIAM SCENTLOVE _and_ HAIRCUT.

_Scent._ Madam, the humblest of your servants is
Exalted to a happiness, if you smile 111
Upon my visit.

_Hair._ I must beg your charity
Upon my rudeness, madam; I shall give
That day up lost to any happiness,
When I forget to tender you my service. 115

_Cel._ You practise courtship, gentlemen.

_Scent._ But cannot
Find where with more desert to exercise it.
What lady ’s this, I pray?

_Cel._ A kinswoman
Of mine, Sir William.

_Scent._ I am more her servant.

_Cel._ You came from court, now, I presume?

_Hair._ ’T is, madam, 120
The sphere I move in, and my destiny
Was kind to place me there, where I enjoy
All blessings that a mortal can possess,
That lives not in your presence; and I should
Fix my ambition, when you would vouchsafe 125
Me so much honour, to accept from me
An humble entertainment there.

_Cel._ But by
What name shall I be known? In what degree
Shall I be of kindred to you?

_Hair._ How mean you, madam?

_Cel._ Perhaps you ’ll call me sister, I shall take it 130
A special preferment; or it may be
I may pass under title of your mistress,
If I seem rich, and fair enough, to engage
Your confidence to own me.

_Hair._ I would hope—

_Cel._ But ’t is not come to that yet: you will, sir. 135
Excuse my mirth.

_Hair._ Sweet madam!

_Cel._ Shall I take
Boldness to ask what place you hold in court?
’T is an uncivil curiosity;
But you ’ll have mercy to a woman’s question.

_Hair._ My present condition, madam, carries
Honour and profit, though not to be nam’d 141
With that employment I expect i’ th’ state,
Which shall discharge the first maturity
Upon your knowledge; until then, I beg
You allow a modest silence.

_Cel._ I am charm’d, sir; 145
And if you scape ambassador, you cannot
Reach a preferment wherein I ’m against you.
But where is Sir William Scentlove?

_Hair._ Give him leave
To follow his nose, madam, while he hunts
In view,—he ’ll soon be at a fault.[4274]

_Cel._ You know him? 150

_Hair._ Know Scentlove? Not a page but can decipher him;
The waiting-women know him to a scruple;
He ’s called the blister-maker of the town.

_Cel._ What ’s that?

_Hair._ The laundry ladies can resolve you,
And you may guess: an arrant epicure, 155
As this day lives, born to a pretty wit,
A knight, too; but no gentleman. I must
Be plain to you;—your ladyship may have
Use of this knowledge, but conceal the author.

_Scent._ I kiss your fairest hand.

_Mar._ You make a difference; 160
Pray reconcile them to an equal whiteness.

_Scent._ You wound my meaning, lady.

_Cel._ Nay, Sir William
Has the art of compliment.

_Scent._ Madam, you honour me
’Bove my desert of language.

_Cel._ Will you please
To enrich me with your knowledge of that gentleman? 165

_Scent._ Do you not know him, madam?

_Cel._ What is he?

_Scent._ A camphire ball; you shall know more hereafter;
He shall tell you himself, and save my character;
Till then,—you see he ’s proud.

_Cel._ One thing, gentlemen,
I observe in your behaviour, which is rare 170
In two that court one mistress: you preserve
A noble friendship; there ’s no gum within
Your hearts; you cannot fret,[4275] or show an envy
Of one another’s hope; some would not govern
Their passions with that temper!

_Scent._ The whole world 175
Shall nor divorce our friendship.—Master Haircut!
Would I had lives to serve him! He is lost
To goodness does not honour him.

_Hair._ My knight!

_Cel._ [_Aside._] This is right playing at court shuttlecock. 179

_Re-enter_ Gentlewoman.

_Gentlew._ Madam, there is a gentleman desires
To speak wi’ ye, one Sir Thomas Bornwell.

_Cel._ Bornwell?

_Gentlew._ He says he is a stranger to your ladyship.

_Scent._ I know him.

_Hair._ Your neighbour, madam.

_Scent._ Husband to
The lady that so revels in the Strand.

_Hair._ He has good parts, they say, but cannot help 185
His lady’s bias.

_Cel._ They have both much fame
I’ th’ town, for several merits. Pray admit him.
[_Exit_ Gentlewoman.]

_Hair._ [_Aside._] What comes he for?

_Enter_ SIR THOMAS BORNWELL.

_Born._ Your pardon, noble lady, that I have
Presum’d a stranger to your knowledge,— [_Salutes_ CELESTINA.]

_Cel._ Sir, 190
Your worth was here before you, and your person
Cannot be here ungrateful.

_Born._ ’T is the bounty
Of your sweet disposition, madam.—Make me
Your servant, lady, by her fair example,
To favour me. [_Offers to salute_ ISABELLA, _who turns from him_.
_Aside._]—I never knew one turn 195
Her cheek to a gentleman that came to kiss her,
But she ’d a stinking breath.—Your servant, gentlemen.
Will Scentlove, how is ’t?

_Cel._ I am sorry, coz,
To accuse you; we in nothing more betray
Ourselves to censure of ridiculous pride, 200
Than answering a fair salute too rudely.
Oh, it shows ill upon a gentlewoman
Not to return the modest lip, if she
Would have the world believe her breath is not
Offensive.

_Born._ Madam, I have business 205
With you.

_Scent._ His looks are pleasant.

_Cel._ With me, sir?

_Born._ I hear you have an exc’llent wit, madam;
I see you are fair.

_Cel._ The first is but report;
And do not trust your eye-sight for the last,
’Cause I presume y’ are mortal, and may err.

_Hair._ He is very gamesome.

_Born._ Y’ have an exc’llent voice, 211
(They say you catcht it from a dying swan,)
[With] which, join’d to the harmony of your lute,
You ravish all mankind.

_Cel._ Ravish mankind?

_Born._ With their consent.

_Cel._ It were the stranger rape; 215
But there ’s the less indictment lies against it:
And there is hope your little honesties[4276]
Cannot be much the worse, for men do rather
Believe they had a maidenhead, than put
Themselves to th’ rack of memory how long 220
’T is since they left the burden of their innocence.

_Born._ Why, you are bitter, madam!

_Cel._ So is physic;
I do not know your constitution.

_Born._ You shall, if ’t please you, madam.

_Cel._ Y’ are too hasty,
I must examine what certificate 225
You have first, to prefer you.

_Born._ Fine! certificate?

_Cel._ Under your lady’s hand and seal.

_Born._ Go to;
I see you are a wag.

_Cel._ But take heed how
You trust to ’t.

_Born._ I can love you in my wedlock,
As well as that young gallant o’ th’ first hair,
Or the knight-bachelor; and can return 231
As amorous delight to thy soft bosom.

_Cel._ Your person and your language are both strangers.

_Born._ But may be more familiar; I have those
That dare make affidavit for my body. 235

_Cel._ D’ ye mean your surgeon?

_Born._ My surgeon, madam?
I know not how you value my abilities,
But I dare undertake as much, to express
My service to your ladyship, and with
As fierce ambition fly to your commands, 240
As the most valiant of these lay siege to you.

_Cel._ You dare not, sir.

_Born._ How, madam?

_Cel._ I will justify ’t.
You dare not marry me; and I imagine
Some here, should I consent, would fetch a priest
Out of the fire.

_Born._ I have a wife indeed. 245

_Cel._ And there ’s a statute not repeal’d, I take it.

_Born._ Y’ are in the right; I must confess y’ have hit
And bled me in a master vein.

_Cel._ You think
I took you on the advantage; use your best
Skill at defence, I ’ll come up to your valour, 250
And show another work you dare not do:
You dare not, sir, be virtuous.

_Born._ I dare,
By this fair hand I dare; and ask a pardon,
If my rude words offend your innocence,
Which, in a form so beautiful, would shine 255
To force a blush in them suspected it,
And from the rest draw wonder.

_Hair._ I like not
Their secret parley; shall I interrupt them?

_Isab._ By no means, sir.

_Scent._ Sir Thomas was not wont
To show so much a courtier.

_Mar._ He cannot 260
Be prejudicial to you; suspect not
Your own deserts so much; he ’s married.

_Born._ I have other business, madam. You keep music:
I came to try how you can dance.

_Cel._ You did?—[_Aside._] I ’ll try his humour out of breath. 265
Although I boast no cunning, sir, in revels,
If you desire to show your art that way,
I can wait on you.

_Born._ You much honour me;
Nay, all must join to make a harmony. _They dance._

_Born._ I have nothing now, madam, but to beseech, 270
After a pardon for my boldness, you
Would give occasion to pay my gratitude.
I have a house will be much honoured,
If you vouchsafe your presence; and a wife
Desires to present herself your servant. 275
I came with the ambition to invite you,
Deny me not; your person you shall trust
On fair security.

_Cel._ Sir, although I use not
This freedom with a stranger, you shall have
No cause to hold me obstinate.

_Born._ You grace me. 280
Sir William Scentlove—

_Hair._ I must take my leave.
You will excuse me, madam; court attendances—

_Cel._ By any means.

_Born._ Ladies, you will vouchsafe
Your company?

_Isab._ We wait upon you, sir. _Exeunt._