Chapter XLII: Act V: Scene I.1339

[_Enter_] CLEMENT, KNOWELL, KITELY, DAME KITELY, TIB, CASH, COB, Servants.

_Clem._ Nay, but stay, stay, give me leave: my chair, sirrah.—You,
master Knowell, say you went thither to meet your son?

_Know._ Ay, sir.

_Clem._ But who directed you thither? 5

_Know._ That did mine own man, sir.

_Clem._ Where is he?

_Know._ Nay, I know not now; I left him with your clerk, and
appointed him to stay here for me. 10

_Clem._ My clerk! about what time was this?

_Know._ Marry, between one and two, as I take it.

_Clem._ And what time came my man with the false message to you,
master Kitely? 15

_Kit._ After two, sir.

_Clem._ Very good: but, mistress Kitely, how chance that you were at
Cob’s, ha?

_Dame K._ An ’t please you, sir, I’ll tell you: my brother Wellbred
told me that Cob’s house was a suspected place—— 21

_Clem._ So it appears, methinks: but on.

_Dame K._ And that my husband us’d thither daily.

_Clem._ No matter, so he us’d himself well, mistress. 25

_Dame K._ True, sir: but you know what grows by such haunts
oftentimes.

_Clem._ I see rank fruits of a jealous brain, mistress Kitely: but
did you find your husband (30) there, in that case as you suspected?

_Kit._ I found her there, sir.

_Clem._ Did you so? That alters the case. Who gave you knowledge of
your wife’s being there?

_Kit._ Marry, that did my brother Wellbred. 35

_Clem._ How, Wellbred first tell her; then tell you after! Where is
Wellbred?

_Kit._ Gone with my sister, sir, I know not whither. 39

_Clem._ Why this is a mere trick, a device; you are gull’d in this
most grossly all. Alas, poor wench! wert thou beaten for this?

_Tib._ Yes, most pitifully, an ’t please you.

_Cob._ And worthily, I hope, if it shall prove so. 45

_Clem._ Ay, that’s like, and a piece of a sentence.—
[_Enter a_ Servant.]
How now, sir! what’s the matter?

_Serv._ Sir, there’s a gentleman i’ the court without, desires to
speak with your worship. 50

_Clem._ A gentleman! what is he?

_Serv._ A soldier, sir, he says.

_Clem._ A soldier! Take down my armour, my sword quickly. A soldier
speak with me! Why, when, knaves! Come on, come on. (_Arms himself_);
(55) hold my cap there, so; give me my gorget,[1340] my sword: stand
by, I will end your matters anon.——Let the soldier enter. [_Exit
Servant._]

SCENE II.[1341]

[CLEMENT, KNOWELL, _etc. Enter_] BOBADILL, [_followed by_] MATHEW.

Now, sir, what ha’ you to say to me? [1342]

_Bob._ By your worship’s favour——

_Clem._ Nay, keep out, sir; I know not your pretence.—You send me
word, sir, you are a soldier; why, sir, you shall be answer’d here: 5
here be them have been amongst soldiers. Sir, your pleasure.

_Bob._ Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman and myself have been most
uncivilly wrong’d and beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow 10
about the town here; and for mine own part, I protest, being a man in
no sort given to this filthy humour of quarrelling, he hath assaulted
me in the way of my peace, despoil’d me of mine honour, disarm ’d me
of my weapons, (15) and rudely laid me along in the open streets,
when I not so much as once offer’d to resist him.

_Clem._ O, God’s precious! is this the soldier? Here, take my armour
off quickly, ’t will make him swoon, I fear; he is not fit to look on
’t, (20) that will put up a blow.

_Mat._ An’t please your worship, he was bound to the peace.

_Clem._ Why, an he were, sir, his hands were not bound, were they? 25

[_Re-enter_ Servant.]

_Serv._ There’s one of the varlets of the city, sir, has brought two
gentlemen here; one, upon your worship’s warrant.

_Clem._ My warrant!

_Serv._ Yes, sir; the officer says, procur’d by these two. 31

_Clem._ Bid him come in. [_Exit_ Servant.] Set by this picture.[1343]

SCENE III.[1344]

[CLEMENT, BOBADILL, _etc. Enter_] DOWNRIGHT, STEPHEN, _and_ BRAINWORM [_disguised as before_].

What, Master Downright! Are you brought in at
Mr. Freshwater’s[1345] suit here?[1346]

_Dow._ I’ faith, sir, and here’s another brought at my suit.

_Clem._ What are you, sir? 5

_Step._ A gentleman, sir. O, uncle!

_Clem._ Uncle! Who? Master Knowell?

_Know._ Ay, sir; this is a wise kinsman of mine. 9

_Step._ God’s my witness, uncle, I am wrong’d here monstrously; he
charges me with stealing of his cloak, and would I might never stir,
if I did not find it in the street by chance.

_Dow._ O, did you find it now? You said you bought it ere-while. 15

_Step._ And you said, I stole it. Nay, now my uncle is here, I’ll do
well enough with you.

_Clem._ Well, let this breathe awhile. You that have cause to
complain there, stand forth. Had you my warrant for this gentleman’s 20
apprehension?

_Bob._ Ay, an ’t please your worship.

_Clem._ Nay, do not speak in passion[1347] so. Where had you it?

_Bob._ Of your clerk, sir. 25

_Clem._ That’s well! an my clerk can make warrants, and my hand not
at ’em! Where is the warrant—officer, have you it?

_Brai._ No, sir. Your worship’s man, Master Formal, bid me do it for
these gentlemen, (30) and he would be my discharge.

_Clem._ Why, Master Downright, are you such a novice, to be serv’d
and never see the warrant?

_Dow._ Sir, he did not serve it on me. 35

_Clem._ No! how then?

_Dow._ Marry, sir, he came to me, and said he must serve it, and he
would use me kindly, and so—— 39

_Clem._ O, God’s pity, was it so, sir? _He must serve it!_ Give me my
long sword there, and help me off. So, come on, sir varlet, I _must_
cut off your legs, sirrah [BRAINWORM _kneels_]; nay, stand up, _I’ll
use you kindly_; I _must_ cut off your legs, I say. 45
_Flourishes over him with his long sword._

_Brai._ O, good sir, I beseech you; nay, good master justice!

_Clem._ I _must_ do it, there is no remedy; I _must_ cut off your
legs, sirrah, I _must_ cut off your ears, you rascal, I _must_ do it:
I _must_ (50) cut off your nose, I _must_ cut off your head.

_Brai._ O, good your worship!

_Clem._ Well, rise; how dost thou do now? Dost thou feel thyself
well? Hast thou no harm? 55

_Brai._ No, I thank your good worship, sir.

_Clem._ Why so! I said I must cut off thy legs, and I must cut off
thy arms, and I must cut off thy head; but I did not do it: so you
said you must serve this gentleman with my (60) warrant, but you
did not serve him. You knave, you slave, you rogue, do you say you
_must_, sirrah! Away with him to the jail; I’ll teach you a trick for
your _must_, sir.

_Brai._ Good sir, I beseech you, be good to (65) me.

_Clem._ Tell him he shall to the jail; away with him, I say.

_Brai._ Nay, sir, if you will commit me, it shall be for committing
more than this: I will (70) not lose by my travail any grain of my
fame, certain. [_Throws off his serjeant’s gown._]

_Clem._ How is this?

_Know._ My man Brainworm!

_Step._ O, yes, uncle: Brainworm has been with my cousin Edward and I
all this day. 76

_Clem._ I told you all there was some device.

_Brai._ Nay, excellent justice, since I have laid myself thus open to
you, now stand strong for me; both with your sword and your balance. 80

_Clem._ Body o’ me, a merry knave! give me a bowl of sack. If he
belong to you, Master Knowell, I bespeak your patience.

_Brai._ That is it I have most need of. Sir, if you’ll pardon me
only, I’ll glory in all the (85) rest of my exploits.

_Know._ Sir, you know I love not to have my favours come hard from
me. You have your pardon, though I suspect you shrewdly for being of
counsel with my son against me. 90

_Brai._ Yes, faith, I have, sir, though you retain’d me doubly this
morning for yourself: first, as Brainworm; after, as Fitz-Sword. I
was your reform’d soldier, sir. ’T was I sent you to Cob’s upon the
errand without end. 95

_Know._ Is it possible? or that thou should’st disguise thy language
so as I should not know thee?

_Brai._ O, sir, this has been the day of my metamorphosis. It is not
that shape alone (100) that I have run through to-day. I brought
this gentleman, master Kitely, a message too, in the form of master
Justice’s man here, to draw him out o’ the way, as well as your
worship, while master Wellbred might make a conveyance (105) of
mistress Bridget to my young master.

_Kit._ How! my sister stol’n away?

_Know._ My son is not married, I hope.

_Brai._ Faith, sir, they are both as sure as love, a priest, and three
thousand pound, which (110) is her portion, can make ’em; and by
this time are ready to bespeak their wedding-supper at the Windmill,
except some friend here prevent ’em, and invite ’em home.

_Clem._ Marry, that will I; I thank thee for (115) putting me in mind
on ’t. Sirrah, go you and fetch them hither upon my warrant. [_Exit_
Servant.] Neither’s friends have cause to be sorry, if I know the
young couple aright. Here, I drink to thee for thy good news. But I
pray (120) thee, what hast thou done with my man, Formal?

_Brai._ Faith, sir, after some ceremony past, as making him drunk,
first with story, and then with wine, (but all in kindness,) and
stripping (125) him to his shirt, I left him in that cool vein;
departed, sold your worship’s warrant to these two, pawn’d his livery
for that varlet’s gown, to serve it in; and thus have brought myself
by my activity to your worship’s consideration. 131

_Clem._ And I will consider thee in another cup of sack. Here’s to
thee, which having drunk off this my sentence: Pledge me. Thou hast
done, or assisted to nothing, in my (135) judgment, but deserves to
be pardon’d for the wit of the offence. If thy master, or any man
here, be angry with thee, I shall suspect his ingine,[1348] while I
know him, for ’t. How now, what noise is that? 140

[_Enter_ Servant.]

_Serv._ Sir, it is Roger is come home.

_Clem._ Bring him in, bring him in.

SCENE IV.[1349]

_To them_ [_enter_] FORMAL [_in a suit of armour_.]

What! drunk? In arms against me? Your reason, your reason for
this?[1350]

_Form._ I beseech your worship to pardon me; I happen’d into ill
company by chance, that cast me into a sleep, and stript me of all my 5
clothes.

_Clem._ Well, tell him I am Justice Clement, and do pardon him: but
what is this to your armour? What may that signify?

_Form._ An’t please you, sir, it hung up i’ (10) the room where I was
stript; and I borrow’d it of one of the drawers[1351] to come home
in, because I was loth to do penance through the street i’ my shirt.

_Clem._ Well, stand by a while. 15

SCENE V.[1349]

_To them_ [_enter_] E. KNOWELL, WELLBRED, _and_ BRIDGET.

Who be these? O, the young company; welcome, welcome! Gi’ you joy.
Nay, mistress Bridget, blush not; you are not so fresh a bride, but
the news of it is come hither afore you. Master bridegroom, I ha’
made your peace, (5) give me your hand: so will I for all the rest
ere you forsake my roof.[1352]

_E. Know._ We are the more bound to your humanity, sir.

_Clem._ Only these two have so little of man in ’em, they are no part
of my care. 11

_Wel._ Yes, sir, let me pray you for this gentleman, he belongs to my
sister the bride.

_Clem._ In what place, sir?

_Wel._ Of her delight, sir, below the stairs, (15) and in public: her
poet, sir.

_Clem._ A poet! I will challenge him myself presently at extempore.
_Mount up thy Phlegon,[1353] Muse, and testify
How Saturn, sitting in an ebon cloud, 20
Disrobed his podex, white as ivory,
And through the welkin thund’red all aloud._

_Wel._ He is not for extempore, sir: he is all for the pocket muse;
please you command a sight of it. 25

_Clem._ Yes, yes, search him for a taste of his vein. [_They search_
MATHEW’S _pockets_.]

_Wel._ You must not deny the queen’s justice, sir, under a writ o’
rebellion. 29

_Clem._ What! all this verse? Body o’ me, he carries a whole
realm,[1354] a commonwealth of paper in his hose. Let us see some of
his subjects. [_Reads._]
_Unto the boundless ocean of thy face,
Runs this poor river, charg’d with streams of eyes._[1355]
How! this is stol’n. 35

_E. Know._ A parody! a parody! with a kind of miraculous gift, to
make it absurder than it was.

_Clem._ Is all the rest of this batch? Bring me a torch; lay it
together, and give fire. (40) Cleanse the air. [_Sets the papers
on fire._] Here was enough to have infected the whole city, if it
had not been taken in time. See, see, how our poet’s glory shines!
brighter and brighter! still it increases! O, now it’s at the
highest; (45) and now it declines as fast. You may see, _sic transit
gloria mundi_!

_Know._ There’s an emblem for you, son, and your studies. 49

_Clem._ Nay, no speech or act of mine be drawn against such as
profess it worthily. They are not born every year, as an alderman.
There goes more to the making of a good poet, than a sheriff. Master
Kitely, you look upon me!—though I live i’ the city here, amongst
you, I (55) will do more reverence to him, when I meet him, than I
will to the mayor out of his year. But these paper-pedlars! these
ink-dabblers! they cannot expect reprehension or reproach; they have
it with the fact. 60

_E. Know._ Sir, you have sav’d me the labour of a defence.[1356]

_Clem._ It shall be discourse for supper between your father and me,
if he dare undertake (64) me. But to dispatch away these: you sign
o’ the soldier, and picture o’ the poet, (but both so false, I will
not ha’ you hang’d out at my door till midnight,) while we are at
supper, you two shall penitently fast it out in my court without;
and, if you will, you may pray there (70) that we may be so merry
within as to forgive or forget you when we come out. Here’s a third,
because we tender your safety, shall watch you, he is provided for
the purpose.[1357]—Look to your charge, sir. 75

_Step._ And what shall I do?

_Clem._ O! I had lost a sheep an he had not bleated: why, sir, you
shall give master Downright his cloak; and I will intreat him to take
it. A trencher and a napkin you shall (80) have i’ the buttery, and
keep Cob and his wife company here; whom I will intreat first to be
reconcil’d; and you to endeavour with your wit to keep ’em so.

_Step._ I’ll do my best. 85

_Cob._ Why, now I see thou art honest, Tib, I receive thee as my dear
and mortal wife again.

_Tib._ And I you, as my loving and obedient husband. 90

_Clem._ Good compliment! It will be their bridal night too. They are
married anew. Come, I conjure the rest to put off all discontent.
You, master Downright, your anger; you, master Knowell, your cares;
Master Kitely and his wife, their jealousy. 96
For, I must tell you both, while that is fed,
Horns i’ the mind are worse than o’ the head.

_Kit._ Sir, thus they go from me; kiss me, sweetheart. 100
_See what a drove of horns fly in the air,
Wing’d with my cleansed and my credulous breath!
Watch ’em, suspicious eyes, watch where they fall.
See, see! on heads that think they’ve none at all!
O, what a plenteous world of this will come! 105
When air rains horns, all may be sure of some._[1358]
I ha’ learn’d so much verse out of a jealous man’s part in a play.

_Clem._ ’Tis well, ’tis well! This night we’ll dedicate to
friendship, love, and laughter. (110) Master bridegroom, take your
bride and lead; every one, a fellow. Here is my mistress, Brainworm!
to whom all my addresses of courtship shall have their reference:
whose adventures this day, when our grandchildren shall (115) hear to
be made a fable, I doubt not but it shall find both spectators and
applause. [_Exeunt._]

SEJANUS, HIS FALL

BY BEN JONSON

_Non hic Centauros, non Gorgonas, Harpyiasque Invenies: Hominem pagina nostra sapit._

PERSONS OF THE PLAY

TIBERIUS, [Emperor].
DRUSUS SENIOR, [Nephew of Tiberius].
NERO, }
DRUSUS JUNIOR, } [Sons of Germanicus].
CALIGULA, }
[LUCIUS] ARRUNTIUS, }
[CAIUS] SILIUS, } [Gentlemen
[TITIUS] SABINUS, } opposed
[MARCUS] LEPIDUS, } to
[CREMUTIUS] CORDUS, } Sejanus].
[ASINIUS] GALLUS, }
REGULUS, [Consul].
TERENTIUS.
[GRACINUS] LACO.
EUDEMUS, [a Physician].
RUFUS.
SEJANUS.
LATIARIS.
VARRO, [Consul].
[SERTORIUS] MACRO.
COTTA.
[DOMITIUS] AFER.
HATERIUS.
SANQUINIUS.
POMPONIUS.
[JULIUS] POSTHUMUS.
[FULCINUS] TRIO, Consul.
MINUTIUS.
SATRIUS [SECUNDUS].
[PINNARIUS] NATTA.
OPSIUS.

AGRIPPINA, [Widow of Germanicus].
LIVIA, [Wife of Drusus senior].
SOSIA, [Wife of C. Silius].
Tribuni.
Praecones.
Flamen.
Tubicines.
Nuntius.
Lictores.
Ministri.
Tibicines.
Servus, [_etc._].

SCENE.—_Rome._

TO THE NO LESS NOBLE BY VIRTUE THAN BLOOD, ESME, LORD AUBIGNY

MY LORD,—If ever any ruin were so great as to survive, I think this be one I send you, The Fall of Sejanus. It is a poem, that, if I well remember, in your lordship’s sight, suffer’d no less violence from our people here, than the subject of it did from the rage of the people of Rome; but with a different fate, as, I hope, merit;[1361] for this hath outliv’d their malice, and begot itself a greater favour than he lost, the love of good men. Amongst whom, if I make your lordship the first it thanks, it is not without a just confession of the bond your benefits have, and ever shall hold upon me,

Your Lordship’s most faithful honourer,
BEN. JONSON.

TO THE READERS[1362]

The following and voluntary labours[1363] of my friends, prefixed to my book, have relieved me in much whereat, without them, I should necessarily have touched. Now I will only use three or four short and needful notes, and so rest.

First, if it be objected, that what I publish is no true poem, in the strict laws of time, I confess it: as also in the want of a proper chorus; whose habit and moods are such and so difficult, as not any, whom I have seen, since the ancients, no, not they who have most presently affected laws, have yet come in the way of. Nor is it needful, or almost possible in these our times, and to such auditors as commonly things are presented, to observe the old state and splendour of dramatic poems, with preservation of any popular delight. But of this I shall take more seasonable cause to speak, in my observations upon Horace his Art of Poetry, which, with the text translated, I intend shortly to publish.[1364] In the meantime, if in truth of argument, dignity of persons, gravity and height of elocution, fulness and frequency of sentence, I have discharged the other offices of a tragic writer, let not the absence of these forms be imputed to me, wherein I shall give you occasion hereafter, and without my boast, to think I could better prescribe, than omit the due use for want of a convenient knowledge.

The next is, lest in some nice nostril the quotations might savour affected, I do let you know, that I abhor nothing more; and I have only done it to show my integrity in the story, and save myself in those common torturers that bring all wit to the rack; whose noses are ever like swine spoiling and rooting up the Muses’ gardens; and their whole bodies like moles, as blindly working under earth, to cast any, the least, hills upon virtue.

Whereas they are in Latin, and the work in English, it was presupposed none but the learned would take the pains to confer them; the authors themselves being all in the learned tongues, save one,[1365] with whose English side I have had little to do. To which it may be required, since I have quoted the page, to name what editions I followed: _Tacit. Lips. in quarto_, _Antwerp, edit. 1600. Dio. folio_, _Hen. Steph. 1592_. For the rest, as _Sueton_, _Seneca_, &c, the chapter doth sufficiently direct, or the edition is not varied.

Lastly, I would inform you, that this book, in all numbers, is not the same with that which was acted on the public stage; wherein a second pen[1366] had good share: in place of which, I have rather chosen to put weaker, and, no doubt, less pleasing, of mine own, than to defraud so happy a genius of his right by my loathed usurpation.

Fare you well, and if you read farther of me, and like, I shall not be afraid of it, though you praise me out.

_Neque enim mihi cornea fibra est._

But that I should plant my felicity in your general saying, _good_, or _well_, &c., were a weakness which the better sort of you might worthily contemn, if not absolutely hate me for.

BEN. JONSON;
and no such,

_Quem
Palma negata macrum, donata reducit opimum._

THE ARGUMENT

Aelius Sejanus, son to Seius Strabo, a gentleman of Rome, and born at Vulsinium; after his long service in court, first under Augustus; afterward, Tiberius; grew into that favour with the latter, and won him by those arts, as there wanted nothing but the name to make him a co-partner of the Empire. Which greatness of his, Drusus, the Emperor’s son, not brooking; after many smother’d dislikes, it one day breaking out, the prince struck him publicly on the face. To revenge which disgrace, Livia, the wife of Drusus (being before corrupted by him to her dishonour, and the discovery of her husband’s counsels) Sejanus practiseth with, together with her physician, called Eudemus, and one Lygdus, an eunuch, to poison Drusus. This their inhuman act having successful and unsuspected passage, it emboldeneth Sejanus to farther and more insolent projects, even the ambition of the Empire; where finding the lets[1367] he must encounter to be many and hard, in respect of the issue of Germanicus, who were next in hope for the succession, he deviseth to make Tiberius’ self his means; and instils into his ears many doubts and suspicions, both against the princes, and their mother Agrippina; which Caesar jealously heark’ning to, as covetously consenteth to their ruin, and their friends’. In this time, the better to mature and strengthen his design, Sejanus labours to marry Livia, and worketh with all his ingine,[1368] to remove Tiberius from the knowledge of public business, with allurements of a quiet and retired life; the latter of which, Tiberius, out of a proneness to lust, and a desire to hide those unnatural pleasures which he could not so publicly practise, embraceth: the former enkindleth his fears, and there gives him first cause of doubt or suspect towards Sejanus: against whom he raiseth in private a new instrument, one Sertorius Macro, and by him underworketh, discovers the other’s counsels, his means, his ends, sounds the affections of the senators, divides, distracts them: at last, when Sejanus least looketh, and is most secure; with pretext of doing him an unwonted honour in the senate, he trains[1369] him from his guards, and with a long doubtful letter, in one day hath him suspected, accused, condemned, and torn in pieces by the rage of the people. [This do we advance, as a mark of terror to all traitors, and treasons; to show how just the heavens are, in pouring and thundering down a weighty vengeance on their unnatural intents, even to the worst princes; much more to those, for guard of whose piety and virtue the angels are in continual watch, and God himself miraculously working.][1370]