Chapter XIV

Refuses to Support the President, having no Confidence in Him.--Again warns the Democracy.

CONFEDRIT × ROADS
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky),
March 12, 1866.

The politikle sky is orecast with friteful clouds. Darkness is on the face uv the waters. The waves is a rollin mountin high, the litenin flashes ominous thro the gloom, and the deep-mouthed thunder mutters angrily in the distants. Ez a sentinel on the watch-tower, I look out, and what do I see? I see the old ship uv State loaded down with a valuable cargo uv Post-offices, Collectorships, and sich, a laborin in the trough uv the sea, her bowsprit cove in, her top-gallant lanyards bustid, her jib-boom a flutterin in the gale, her capstan spliced, and her sheet anker torn to ribbons. (Not hevin bin a sailor, only ez a driver on the Wabash Kanal, it is possible my nautikle terms may not be altogether correct. But it makes no difference in the interior uv Kentucky.) She is strivin to make her harbor, and is workin manfully. Close behind her is the long, low, rakish skooner Dimocrisy, with all sale set, a tryin her best to overtake her and board her. For a time it seemed ez tho she wood be successful, but alas! she is fallin astern, and every minnit the distance between em is a widenin, widenin, widenin, and at present writin there ain't the remotest prospect uv their gettin within hailin distance uv each other.

To drop mettafor (wich, by the way, I kin jerk when I feel so disposed), the prospect isn't ez encouragin ez it wuz, and I fear, in fact I feel certain, that the short cut to offis wich the Democrisy thought it had found through Androo Johnson's veto, is reely the longest way round. I cannot understand what indoost the Dimocratic leaders, our chosin standard-bearers, to make sich egrejus asses uv theirselves ez to place enny dependence on Johnson at all. What cood they hev bin thinkin uv? Wuz not our experience in 1864 sufficient to deter em from makin any experiment wich involved abandonment uv any uv our principles? Didn't we, in the hope uv ketchin Abolition war votes, nominate MickLellan, and didn't the war men jeer us, and flout us, and say, "Behold, we hev better war men uv our own; why shood we leave home to find that uv wich we hev a plenty?" When Androo Johnson, in a fit uv temporary indignashun, split on Sumner, why did our people, like idiots, pick him up, and endorse him without givin the matter matoor considerashun--without waitin for the fax? Didn't they know that Sumner wuz a sort uv a dose uv calomel, wich worked on the President's liver, and necessitated the discharge uv all the offensive matter wich hed accumulated doorin his long term uv Dimocrisy? Uv course it wuz, and to-day Androo Johnson, hevin in that speech got rid uv the last vestidge uv Dimocrisy wich infected him, comes up a stronger man agin us than ever. We made two errors: On the 4th uv March, 1865, at his inoggerashun, when he made a spectacle uv hisself, we murmured gently to ourselves, "It's all right! he's yet wun uv us." And we sed the same after the splurge uv the 22d uv February last. Oh, my friends, they wuz both fatal errors. Them spasms wuz the efforts uv a noble nacher a tryin to git rid uv Locofocoism, and from the fact that he immejitely after commenst a missellaneously apintin Abilishnists and Republicans to offises, and hezn't showed a sine uv a disposition to extend his hand to a single confidin Democrat, it's my opinion he's succeeded.

We bet too heavy on the fight atween the President and Sumner. Sumner is ordained to alluz hev a gong uv sum kind, which he is also ordained to keep perpetually a poundin. He's bin for several years amusin hisself a poundin the Dimocrisy, and when there wuzn't enuff uv that to make it interestin, he turned on Johnson, and he'll pound at him till suthin else excites his wrath. He's a Spanish bull, possessin sharp horns, and a immense amount uv strength and agility, which he is continooally a wastin by jumpin at sich red flags ez are mischeevusly waved afore him. He's jest ez apt to gore his frends ez his enemies, and his lungin at Johnson wuz no sign that Johnson had gone back on Ablishnism.

But enuff uv this. Sence it hez become a fixed fact that the boorish tailor, who now by accident okkepies the place uv the marter Linkin, made vacant by his untimely death by the hand uv a vile assassin (whose only redeemin trait wuz that he wuz a stanch, uncompromisin Dimocrat),--now, I say, that it's plain that this drunken sot ain't agoin to distribute the patronage amongst us who need it so much, I ask, in indignashun, wat is it that we are asked to endorse?

He proposes to continue the Freedmen's Buro bizness.

He refooses to withdraw the military from the Dimokratic States.

He refooses to restore to our sufferin brethren uv the Dimocratic States the habis corpusses wich the tyrant Linkin wrested from them.

He keeps Jefferson Davis a pinin in a loathsome dungeon, and only refooses to bring him to trial becoz, 4sooth, he haint yet got things in the right shape to hang him.

I cood enumerate other insults and opressions he hez piled upon Dimocrats, but I forbear. I might, if I wuz disposed to harrow up the Dimocratic sole and lasserate the Dimocratic bosom, state how I wuz treated, when, on the 24th uv Febrooary last I made a delegashun uv myself, and went to Washington for the purpose uv layin before him the necessity uv the removal uv the postmaster at the Corners, and the apintment uv myself in his stead. I found that his speech had reached all other parts uv the Yoonited States ez soon ez it hed Kentucky, for there wuz suthin over a hundred thousand stanch Dimocrats there, all with petitions noomerously signed, wich they hed held over from Bookannon's administration, recommendin uv em to places. How wuz we reseeved? How did Androo Johnson treet us? I mite say how emphatically I wuz shoved out uv his room, and with what reckless profanity I heerd him remark that Washington had stunk with secesh ever since he vetoed the bill; that that foolish speech had acted on the whole country like a puke, and that each State had spewed its foulest material onto Washington, and that the atmosphere wuz heavy with their breath, et settry, et settry, but I forbear.

Suffice it to say that the few Democratic members uv Congress had hard work borrowin money enuff to git the most spectable uv the crowd home agin, and even then thousands uv em who wuz drawed there by that speech, shoor uv apintments, wuz obliged to _walk_ home ignominiously, uv whom I wuz which.

Androo Johnson may be worthy uv Dimocratic support, but he hez a queer way uv showin it. I know not wat others may do, but ez for me and my household I'll run after no strange gods. Ef he wants us, let him call on us in language wich we kin understand.

PETROLEUM V. NASBY,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.