Chapter XXXIX

A Cabinet Meeting.--Letters from Rev. Henry Ward Beecher, General Custar, Henry J. Raymond, and Hon. John Morrissey, each anxious to Preserve his Reputation.--A Sad Time at the White House.

CONFEDRIT × ROADS
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky),
November 7, 1866.

I wuz called to Washington by our patron Saint, the President, to comfort his wounded sperit. There ain't no disguisin the fact,--the sperit of Androo Johnson is wounded. He hez endoored the slings and arrers uv more outrajus fortune than any other man who hez lived sence the days uv Hamlick; more, indeed, than Hamlick endoored, twict over. Hamlick's father wuz pizoned, and his mother married agin afore her mournin clothes wuz wore out--suthin no savin, prudent woman would do; but what wuz that to wat A. JOHNSON endoors every day? Nothin.

The cabinet meetin to wich I wuz summoned wuz called for the purpose uv sheddin a tear or two over the election returns, and to consider a variety uv letters wich His Eggscellency hed receeved within a few days. I may remark that the cabinet hed a gloomy and mildewed look.

The fust wuz from Rev. Henry Ward Beecher. Mr. Beecher remarked that he had the highest possible respeck for the offis wunst held by the good Washinton, the great Adams, and the sainted Linkin. He omitted remarkin anythin about Peerce and Bookanan, out uv regard for the feelins uv the present incumbent, wich, ef he hed read History correct, wuz a ardent supporter uv the Administrashens uv both of them men, wich he considered stains upon the pages uv American history wich he cood wish mite be obliterated. But wat he desired to say wuz, that he hed a higher regard for the good opinion uv mankind in general than he hed for the good opinion uv the accidental incumbent uv any offis; and ez he hed, in a hour uv temporary mental aberrashen, wich hed happily passed, endorsed the Administrashen, wich insanity hed worked evil unto him, he rekested, ez a simple act uv justice, that the President shood cause it to be known that he (Beecher) wuz not considered by the Administrashen ez a supporter thereof.

"I do this," sed the writer, "becoz the impression that I am in the confidence uv yoor Eggslency, wich is onfortunately abroad, hez seriously DAMAGED MY REPUTASHEN.

"Trooly yoors," et settry.

The readin uv this letter wuz follered by a minit uv profound silence, wich wuz broken by the President.

"Let him pass," sed the great man who hez the despensin uv the post offisis, "let him pass. But here is another," sed he, bustin into teers; "read that."

It wuz from Gen. Custar, him uv the yaller hair, wich hed some reputashen doorin the war ez a cavalry commander. It wuz to the same effect. He hed, when he spozd that the policy uv the President, wich he esteemed ez he must any man who held the exalted position wunst okkepied by the good Washinton, the great Jefferson, and the sainted Linkin--

"The ongrateful dog doesn't respect ME!" sed Androo; "it's the offis I fill;" and he bust into a fresh flood.

--When he spozed the President's policy wuz sich ez a soljer and patriot cood endorse, he endorsed it. But he diskivered that it led him, back foremost, into company wich, doorin the late war, he hed alluz visited face foremost and on hossback; and therefore, to SAVE HIS REPUTASHUN, he must beg that the President wood give it out that he (Gen. Custar) wuz not, nor never hed bin, a supporter uv his policy, and oblige

Yoors trooly, ez before.

I wuz too hart-broken at this to make any reply, and Cowan and Doolittle wuz in the same fix. The Kernelcy wich wuz given to Custar to keep him in posishen hed bin promised to a Demokratic captin, who wuz led by a company in the first Bull Run fight, and who threw up in disgust the next day, not likin the manner in wich the war wuz bein conducted; but now the Kernelcy wuz gone, and Custar too; and wat wuz worse, there wuz no sich thing to be thot uv ez dismissin him. The entire company yoonited in minglin their teers.

The next letter wuz read by Seward, ez it wuz addressed to him. It wuz from Raymond. He opened with the remark that for the Presidential office he hed the highest respeck. Aside from the considerashen that it hed bin wunst okkepied by the good Washinton, the great Adams, and the sainted Linkin, the President mite be considered the Father of his country, hevin so large a number of helpless children to provide for; and besides, he hed a instinctive respeck for the dispenser of anything. It wuz difficult for him, bein a open and simple-minded man, not to adhere to the President; but--

"Good Heavens!" shreeked Johnson, "that little fox ain't a goin to speak uv HIS reputashen!"

"Dooty requires the reedin uv the entire dockeyment, painful to my feelins ez it may be," sed Seward. "He concloods thusly:--

"'I am forced to ask yoo, ez one enjoyin confidenshel relations with Him who occupies the Presidenshel chair, to hev it given out that I stand in opposition to him. A doo REGARD FOR MY REPUTASHEN impels me to this course. I remain

"'Yoors Trooly.'"

There wuz 2 or three more. Gen. Carey uv Ohio, requested the President to remove him from his Collectorship, ez the holdin uv it wuz INJOORIN HIS REPUTASHEN. A editor out West, who wuz sedooced into takin a Post Offis, begged to hev it taken off his hands, that he might save his circulashen before it wuz everlastinly too late. And finally we come to wun, the seal uv wich wuz a coat-uv-arms--bull dog rampant, bowie-knife couchant, supported by trottin horses, on a field uv green cloth. It wuz from Hon. John Morrisey, who hed jest ben elected to Congress in Noo York.

Mr. Morrisey remarked that, ez one uv the pillars uv the Democrasy, he felt he hed a rite to speek. He wished it to be understood that he washed his hands uv any connection with Johnson or his party. He hed seed a lite. In States where the Democrasy, uv wich he wuz a piller, hed tied themselves to Johnson, they hed gone down to a prematoor grave. Respeck for the high offis restrained him from sayin that the Democrasy coodent carry sich a cussid load; but he wood say that the result uv the election in Noo York, where they dependid solely on muscle and nigger, wich is the reel Democratic capital, and succeeded, while where the Democrasy wuz loaded down with Johnsonianism, they failed, satisfied him that the President wuz a inkubus. He sed this with all doo respeck for the offis. Mr. Morrisey further remarked that he hed also personel reasons for makin this request. He commenced in a humble position, and hed filled the public eye long enuff to satisfy his modist ambishen. He hed walloped Sullivan and Heenan; he hed owned the fastest horses, and won more money at faro than any man in Amerika. His ambishen wuz satisfied, so fur ez he wuz concerned; but he hoped to leave behind him, for his infant son (wich wuz only twelve years uv age, and wich hed a development uv intelleck and muscle remarkable for one so tender, havin already walloped every boy in the skool to wich he wuz a goin), he desired to leave that son a honorable name. It hed bin given out that he wuz a supporter uv the individooal who okkepied the Presidenshel offis, and it wuz injoorin him. He wished that stigma removed. A REGARD FOR HIS REPUTASHEN forced him to insist upon it.

And this epistle wuz dooly signed,

his
JOHN × MORRISSEY, M.C.
mark.

There wuz silence in the Cabinet. This last stroke intensified the gloom wich hed settled onto the Government; and ez I turned my tear-bedewed eyes, I saw the great drops coursin down the cheeks uv every one present. Mr. Seward retired without sayin anythin about ninety days, and one by one they all departed.

It wuz a solemn time. There wuz other letters yet to be read, but no one hed the heart to open em. I made a move in that direckshun, but Androo prevented me. "I'm sick," murmured he, in a husky voice, which showed that his hart wuz peerced. "Help me to bed." I saw the great man bury his intellectool head beneath the snowy kivrin uv his oneasy couch, all but the nose, which in him is the thermometer uv the sole, and which accordinly glowed, not with the yoosooal brilliant hue, but with a dull, dead, and ghastly bloo. Noticin the convulsive heavins uv the kivers, which betrayed the agitashen uv the breast beneath, I whispered in his ear, ez I handed him his nite drink uv rye whisky flavored with bourbon, that he hed one hold, ez Delaware hed sustained him. A flush uv satisfaction passed over his nose, but it subsided in an instant. "Troo," gasped he, "it's ourn now; but before the next election a couple uv them Massachoosits ablishnists will buy the cussid State, and re-people it to soot em;" and he gave a convulsive gasp, and sank into a troubled slumber.

It wuz a tetchin occasion.

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P.M.
(wich is Postmaster).