Chapter XXXV

An Appeal to the People just before the October Elections.

POST OFFIS, CONFEDRIT × ROADS
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky),
October 1, 1866.

President Johnson, who hez bin likened to Androo Jaxon, and wich, since my appintment I conseed him to be, in many partikelers, his sooperior, requested me and William H. Seward (his secretary and chaplin) to draw up and publish to the Democracy of the various States holdin elecshuns this fall an address, or ruther an appeal, firmly beleevin that hed he extendid his tour to Maine, and isshood an address to em, that that state wood not hev gone ez it did. William refoozed to take part in the appeal, sayin that it warnt uv no use, and so the dooty devolved upon me.

DEMOCRATS AND CONSERVATIVES UV THE NORTH:

Appresheatin the gravity uv the isshoo, I address yoo. The signs uv the times is ominus. A Radikle Congress, electid durin the time when the Southin States, wich comprises reely all the intellek uv this people, didn't take no part in the elekshen, bein too bizzy gettin out uv Sherman's way to open polls,--a Congress, I repeat, in wich there ain't no Southern man, and wich consekently kant, by any stretch uv the hooman imaginashen, be considered Constitooshnel, hez dared to thwart the President uv the United States, and set up its will agin hisn! I need skarcely recount its high-handed acts uv usurpashen. It passed a bill givin rites to niggers, wich, accordin to Scripter (see Onesimus, Ham, and Hagar, the only three texts in Scripter uv any partikeler account) and the yoosages uv the Democrisy, ain't got no rites; and the President, exercisin the high prerogatives put into his hands by the Constitooshen, vetoed it. Here the matter should hev endid. He hed expressed, in a manner strikly Constitooshenel, his objecshens to the measure; and a proper regard for his feelins, and just deference for his opinions, ought to hev indicated the right course. Here wuz peace offered this Congres. Here wuz the tender uv a olive branch. The President didn't want a quarrel with Congres; he didn't desire a continyooance uv the agitation wich hed shook the country like a Illinois ager; but he desired Peece. Congres cood hev hed it hed they only withdrawed their crood noshens uv what wus rite and what wuz wrong; ratified, ez they shood hev done, sich laws ez the President saw fit to make: in short, hed they follered the correct rool when we hev a Demokratic President, and put the Government in his hands, with an abidin trust in his rectitood and wisdom, we mite hev avoided this struggle, and thus wood hev bin peaceful. But this reckless Congris, bent upon consentrating power in its hands instid uv dividin it between him and Seward, passed the bill over his head, regardlis uv his feelins! The responsibility for the dissension rests, therefore, with Congres.

But these questions are altogether too hefty for the Demokratic intellek, and I fling em out for the considerashen uv the few Post Masters we get from the Union ranks. To the Dimocrisy I Address myself more partickerlerly.

DO YOU WANT TO MARRY A NIGGER? This ishoo is agin before yoo. Are you in favor uv elevatin the Afrikin to a posishen where he kin be yoor ekal, or perhaps yoor sooperior? That ishoo is agin before yoo for yoor decision, only the danger to yoo is increased. The matter has become threatening; for, disgise it ez we may, thousands uv em kin read, and they are akkumulatin property, and wearin good clothes to a extent trooly alarmin to the Dimokratic mind. We hev alluz consoled ourselves with the soothin reflection that there wuz a race lower down in the scale uv humanity than us uns. Shall we continue to enjoy that comfort? That's the question for every Dimokrat to consider when he votes this fall. Remove the weight uv legal disability, and ten to one ef they don't outstrip us even, and then where are we goin to look for a race to look down upon? It's a close thing atween us now; and ez we uv this generation can't elevate ourselves, why, for our own peece uv mind, we must,--I repeet it,--MUST pull them down.

Agin then I repeet, DO YOU WANT TO MARRY A NIGGER? Yoor daughters wunst carried banners onto wich wuz inskribed that trooly Dimokratic motto, "White husbands or none!" and in consequence they've bin mostly livin in the enjoyment uv none. Are they to go back on that holy determinashen to preserve the Anglo Sackson race on this continent in its purity? Do yoo want the nigger--the big buck nigger--the flat-footed nigger--the woolly-headed nigger--the long-heeled nigger--the bow-legged nigger--the NIGGER--to step up aside uv yoo, and exercise the prerogatives uv freemeen in this country? Do you want the nigger aforesed to be mayors uv your towns, with all the hatred they hev towards us? Wat chance, O Dimokratic dweller in cities! think yoo yoo'd hev if hauled up afore a nigger mayor on a charge uv disorderly conduct? Wat chance wood yoor children hev in a skool uv wich all the teechers wuz niggers? Wat chance wood yoo hev wen arrestid for small misdemeanors, afore nigger judges?

How, let me ask, in the name of High Heaven, wood yoo like to be tried for hoss stealin afore a nigger jury?

"But," say some uv yoo, who, set ravin by drums, and flags, and sich, went off violently into the war, and wuz, perhaps, saved from starvin by niggers, "these niggers wuz our friends in the late war--they fought agin the South!"

O, wat a deloosion! O, wat blindnis! Troo, they did; and that shows the danger that's afore us; that lifts the fog from the precipise onto wich we are standin, and shows us our danger. Wat does this fact prove? It proves the onreasonableness uv the Nigger--his discontentednis with the posishen to wich nacher assigned him, and his cussid disposition to upset the normal condition. The Bible makes him a servant unto his brethren (see Ham, Hagar, and Onesimus, three blessed texts). Science proves him to be, not a man, but a beast; and so, take him ez we may, either ez our brother or ez a beast,--and Dimocrisy, with that liberality wich hez always distinguished it, gives every man his choice wich theory to take,--his condition is servitood. But he, with a cussidness, a perversity wich I never cood understand, flies into the face uv the Divine decree, flies into the face uv science, and asserts his independence! He turned agin them ez hed fostered him; turned agin, in many instances, his own parents (in these instances, for convenience, the parents adopted the brethren theory), and for an abstract idea fought agin em. That restlessness under bonds alarmed the Dimocratic mind. We who owned em under the Skripter (see Onesimus, Hagar, and Ham), and under the eternal laws uv scientific trooth wuz content with the arrangement, and why shood they not hev bin? Things wuz normal. They worked, and we eat; and ef they hed bin content with this ekitable division uv the labor uv life, all wood hev bin smooth to-day.

Their takin part agin us at the South, and in favor uv the Federals, is, instead uv a coz uv feelin good toward em, a source uv oneasiness; instid uv bein a reason for elevatin uv em, it's my principal reason for depressin uv em. Sich onsettled minds shood be quieted; this itchin to raise theirselves shood be crushed out uv em, that Science and Holy Writ (see Onesimus, Hagar, and Ham) may be vindicated.

Shel we desert Androo Johnson, after all the trouble he hez bin to in gettin back to us? Shel we elect a Congres this fall so soaked in Ablishin--so filled with objeckshuns to our Southern brethren, ez to refooze to receive em back into the seats which they vacated? Consider! The Southern Dimokracy hevn't, and don't, lay up nothin agin yoo. They are willin to forgive and forget. They failed, but they are willin to forgiv the cause uv the failyoor. They hevn't got the government they wanted, but they find no fault with that, but are willin to take charge of the wun they hev bin compelled to live under. Kin they offer fairer? The fate uv war wuz agin em. Buryin all hard feelins, they extend to us Chrischen charity, and say, Here we are--take us--give us our old places. They hev bin chastened. Their household gods hev bin destroyed, and their temples torn down. Wun neighbor uv mine lost two sons in the Confedrit army; another son, which he hed refoosed $1500 for in 1860, he wuz compelled to shoot, coz he wuz bound to run away into the Federal army; and two octoroons, which he hed a dozen times refoosed $2500 for, each, in Noo Orleans, he saw layin dead on the steps uv a skool house in Memphis. Hez he suffered nothin? And yet he is willin to take a seat in Congress--forgettin all he hez suffered, and forgivin the cause thereof. What wickedness it is wich would further bruise sich a broken reed!

Therefore, ez yoo love yourselves and hate the nigger, I implore yoo to act. Take yoor choice uv the platforms uv the different States--vote ez a Johnson Unionist, or ez a Democratic Johnsonian--but vote.

Kentucky holds out her hands appealingly! Kentucky implores yoo to bild up a bulwark North uv the Ohio River to save what little is left uv pure Dimocracy there! Kentucky will back yoo in yoor endeavors. Will you heed her cry? Shel she appeel in vain? Forbid it, Hevin!

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P.M.
(wich is Postmaster).