Chapter I: Front Matter (1)

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[pg i] PUNCH or the London Charivari, with a vignette of PUNCH. VOLUME THE FIRST. [pg iii] A group of masked players surround PUNCH. A banner reads INTRODUCTION. A letter T is hoisted in a shipyard. his Guffawgraph is intended to form a refuge for destitute witan asylum for the thousands of orphan jokesthe superannuated Joe Millersthe millions of perishing puns, which are now wandering about without so much as a shelf to rest upon! It is also devoted to the emancipation of the JEW desprits all over the world, and the naturalization of those alien JONATHANS, whose adherence to the truth has forced them to emigrate from their native land.

PUNCH has the honour of making his appearance every SATURDAY, and continues, from week to week, to offer to the world all the fun to be found in his own and the following heads:

POLITICS. PUNCH has no party prejudiceshe is conservative in his opposition to Fantoccini and political puppets, but a progressive whig in his love of small change.

FASHIONS. This department is conducted by Mrs. J. Punch, whose extensive acquaintance with the élite of the areas enables her to furnish the earliest information of the movements of the Fashionable World.

POLICE. This portion of the work is under the direction of an experienced noblemana regular attendant at the various officeswho from a strong attachment to PUNCH, is frequently in a position to supply exclusive reports.

[pg iv] REVIEWS. To render this branch of the periodical as perfect as possible, arrangements have been made to secure the critical assistance of John Ketch, Esq., who, from the mildness of the law, and the congenial character of modern literature with his early associations, has been induced to undertake its execution.

FINE ARTS. Anxious to do justice to native talent, the criticisms upon Painting, Sculpture, &c., are confided to one of the most popular artists of the dayPunchs own immortal scene-painter.

MUSIC AND THE DRAMA. These are amongst the most prominent features of the work. The Musical Notices are written by the gentleman who plays the mouth-organ, assisted by the professors of the drum and cymbals. Punch himself does the Drama.

SPORTING. A Prophet is engaged! He foretells not only the winners of each race, but also the VATES and colours of the riders.

THE FACETIÆ Are contributed by the members of the following learned bodies:

THE COURT OF COMMON COUNCIL AND THE ZOOLOGICAL SOCIETY:THE TEMPERANCE ASSOCIATION AND THE WATERPROOFING COMPANY:THE COLLEGE OF PHYSICIANS AND THE HIGHGATE CEMETERY:THE DRAMATIC AUTHORS AND THE MENDICITY SOCIETIES:THE BEEFSTEAK CLUB AND THE ANTI-DRY-ROT COMPANY.

Together with original, humorous, and satirical articles in verse and prose, from all the

Dogs dressed in gentlemen's clothing. FUNNY DOGS WITH COMIC TALES.

[pg v] INTRODUCTION. VOLUME I.JULY TO DECEMBER, 1841. POLITICAL SUMMARY. Early in the month of July, 1841, a small handbill was freely distributed by the newsmen of London, and created considerable amusement and inquiry. That handbill now stands as the INTRODUCTION to this, the first Volume of Punch, and was employed to announce the advent of a publication which has sustained for nearly twenty years a popularity unsurpassed in the history of periodical literature. Punch and the Elections were the only matters which occupied the public mind on July 17, 1842. The Whigs had been defeated in many places where hitherto they had been the popular party, and it was quite evident that the Meeting of Parliament would terminate their lease of Office. [Street Politics.] The House met on the 19th of August, and unanimously elected MR. SHAW LEFEVRE to be Speaker. The address on the QUEENS Speech was moved by MR. MARK PHILLIPS, and seconded by MR. DUNDAS. MR. J.S. WORTLEY moved an amendment, negativing the confidence of the House in the Ministry, and the debate continued to occupy Parliament for four nights, when the Opposition obtained a majority of 91 against the Ministers. Amongst those who spoke against the Government, and directly in favour of SIR ROBERT PEEL, was MR. DISRAELI. In his speech he accused the Whigs of seeking to retain power in opposition to the wishes of the country, and of profaning the name of the QUEEN at their elections, as if she had been a second candidate at some petty poll, and considered that they should blush for the position in which they had placed their Sovereign. MR. BERNAL, Jun., retorted upon MR. DISRAELI for inveighing against the Whigs, with whom he had formerly been associated. SIR ROBERT PEEL, in a speech of great eloquence, condemned the inactivity and feebleness of the existing Government, and promised that, should he displace it, and take office, it should be by walking in the open light, and in the direct paths of the constitution. He would only accept power upon his conception of public duty, and would resign the moment he was satisfied he was unsupported by the confidence of the people, and not continue to hold place when the voice of the country was against him. [Hercules tearing Theseus from the Rock to which he had grown.] LORD JOHN defended the acts of the Ministry, and denied that they had been guilty of harshness to the poor by the New Poor Law, or enemies of the Church by reducing the ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY to the miserable pittance of £15,000 a year, cutting down the BISHOP OF LONDON to no more than £10,000 a year, and the BISHOP OF DURHAM to the wretched stipend of £8,000 a year! He twitted PEEL for his reticence upon the Corn Laws, and denounced the possibility of a sliding scale of duties upon corn. He concluded by saying, I am convinced that, if this country be governed by enlarged and liberal counsels, its power and might will spread and increase, and its influence become greater and greater; liberal principles will prevail, civilisation will be spread to all parts of the globe, and you will bless millions by your acts and mankind by your union. Loud and continued cheering followed this speech, but on division the majority was against the Ministers. When the House met to recommend the report on the amended Address, MR. SHARMAN CRAWFORD moved another amendment, to the effect that the distress of the people referred to in the QUEENS Speech was mainly attributable to the non- representation of the working classes in Parliament. He did not advocate universal suffrage, but one which would give a fair representation of the people. From the want of this arose unjust wars, unjust legislation, unjust monopoly, of which the existing Corn Laws were the most grievous instance. There was no danger in confiding the suffrage to the working classes, who had a vital interest in the public prosperity, and had evinced the truest zeal for freedom.

The amendment was negatived by 283 to 39.

At the next meeting of the House LORD MARCUS HILL read the Answer to the Address, in which the QUEEN declared that ever anxious to listen to the advice of Parliament, she would take immediate measures for the formation of a new Administration. [Punch and Peel.] LORD MELBOURNE, in the House of Lords, announced on the 30th of August that he and his colleagues only held office until their successors were appointed. [Last Pinch.] The House received the announcement in perfect silence, and adjourned immediately afterwards. On the same [pg vi]night, in the House of Commons, LORD JOHN RUSSELL made a similar announcement, and briefly defended the course he and his colleagues had taken, and in reply to some complimentary remarks from LORD STANLEY, approving of LORD JOHNS great zeal, talent, and perseverance, denied that the Crown was answerable for any of the propositions contained in the Speech, which were the result of the advice of HER MAJESTYS Ministers, and for which her Ministers alone were responsible. This declaration was necessary in consequence of the accusation of the Conservatives, that the Ministry had made an unfair use of the QUEENS name in and out of Parliament. [Trimming a Whig.] The new Ministry [The Letter of Introduction] was formed as follows:

THE CABINET. THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON (without office); First Lord of the Treasury, SIR R. PEEL; Lord Chancellor, LORD LYNDHUHST; Chancellor of the Exchequer, RIGHT HON. H. GOULBURN; President of the Council, LORD WHARNCLIFFE; Privy Seal, DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM; Home Secretary, SIR JAMES GRAHAM; Foreign Secretary, EARL OF ABERDEEN; Colonial Secretary, LORD STANLEY; First Lord of the Admiralty, EARL OF HADDINGTON; President of the Board of Control, LORD ELLENBOROUGH; President of the Board of Trade, EARL OF RIPON; Secretary at War, SIR H. HARDINGE; Treasurer of the Navy and Paymaster of the Forces, SIR E. KNATCHBULL.

NOT IN THE CABINET. Postmaster-General, LORD LOWTHER; Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, LORD G. SOMERSET; Woods and Forests, EARL OF LINCOLN; Master-General of the Ordnance, SIR G. MURRAY; Vice-President of the Board of Trade and Master of the Mint, W.E. GLADSTONE; Secretary of the Admiralty, HON. SYDNEY HERBERT; Joint Secretaries of the Treasury, SIR G. CLERK and SIR T. FREMANTLE; Secretaries of the Board of Control, HON. W. BARING and J. EMERSON TENNENT; Home Under-Secretary, HON. C.M. SUTTON; Foreign Under-Secretary, LORD CANNING; Colonial Under- Secretary, G.W. HOPE; Lords of the Treasury, ALEXANDER PRINGLE, H. BARING, J. YOUNG, and J. MILNES GASKELL; Lords of the Admiralty, SIR G. COCKBURN, ADMIRAL SIR W. GAGE, SIR G. SEYMOUR, HON. CAPTAIN GORDON, HON. H.L. COREY; Store-keeper of the Ordnance, J.R. BONHAM; Clerk of the Ordnance, CAPTAIN BOLDERO; Surveyor-General of the Ordnance, COLONEL JONATHAN PEEL; Attorney-General, SIR F. POLLOCK; Solicitor-General, SIR W. FOLLETT; Judge-Advocate, DR. NICHOLL; Governor-General of Canada, SIR C. BAGOT; Lord Advocate of Scotland, SIR W. RAE.

IRELAND. Lord Lieutenant, EARL DE GREY; Lord Chancellor, SIR E. SUGDEN; Chief Secretary, LORD ELIOT; Attorney-General, MR. BLACKBURNE, Q.C.; Solicitor-General, SERJEANT JACKSON.

QUEENS HOUSEHOLD. Lord Chamberlain, EARL DELAWARR; Lord Steward, EARL OF LIVERPOOL; Master of the Horse, EARL OF JERSEY; Master of the Buckhounds, EARL OF ROSSLYN; Captain of the Yeomen of the Guard, MARQUIS OF LOTHIAN; Captain of the Gentlemen Pensioners, LORD FORESTER; Vice- Chamberlain, LORD ERNEST BRUCE; Treasurer of the Household, EARL JERMYN; Controller of the Household, HON. D. DAMER; Lords in Waiting, LORD ABOYNE, LORD RIVERS, LORD HARDWICKE, LORD BYRON, EARL OF WARWICK, VISCOUNT SYDNEY, EARL OF MORTON, and MARQUIS OF ORMONDE; Groom in Waiting, CAPTAIN MEYNELL; Mistress of the Robes, DUCHESS OF BUCCLEUCH; Ladies of the Bedchamber, MARCHIONESS CAMDEN, LADY LYTTELTON, LADY PORTMAN, LADY BARHAM, and COUNTESS OF CHARLEMONT.

PRINCE ALBERTS HOUSEHOLD. Groom of the Stole, MARQUIS OF EXETER; Sergeant-at-Arms, COLONEL PERCEVAL; Clerk Marshal, LORD C. WELLESLEY.

The members of the new Government were re-elected without an exception, and the House of Commons met again on September 16. SIR ROBERT PEEL made a statement to the House, in which he merely intimated that he should adopt the Estimates [Playing the Knave] of his predecessors, and continue the existing Poor-Law and its Establishment to the 31st of July following. He declined to announce his own financial measures until the next Session, and continued in this determination unmoved by the speeches of LORD JOHN RUSSELL, LORD PALMERSTON, and other Members of the Opposition. MR. FIELDEN moved that no supplies be granted until after an inquiry into the distress of the country; but the motion was negatived by a large majority. Continual reference was made by MR. COBDEN, MR. VILLIERS, and others to the strong desire of the people for a Repeal of the Corn Laws, and which had been loudly expressed out of the House for more than four years. MR. BUSFIELD FERRAND denied the necessity for any alteration, and accused the manufacturers of fomenting the agitation for their own selfish ends, and to increase their power of reducing the wages of the already starving workmen. MR. MARK PHILLIPS, in a capital speech, disproved all MR. FERRANDS statements. SIR ROBERT PEEL brought in a Bill to continue the Poor Law Commission for six months, and MR. FIELDERS Amendment [The Well Dressed and the Well to Do] to reject it was negatived by 183 to 18. LORD MELBOURNE attacked, in the House of Lords, the Ministerial plan of finance, and their silence as to the future [Mr. Sancho Bull and his State Physician], and invited the DUKE OF WELLINGTON to bring forward a measure for an alteration of the Corn Laws, promising him a full House if he would do so. The Duke declined the invitation, as he never announced an intention which he did not entertain, and he had not considered the operation of the Corn Laws sufficiently to bring forward a scheme for the alteration of them. This statement led on a subsequent evening to an intimation from the DUKE OF WELLINGTON, in reply to the EARL OF RADNOR, that a consideration of the Corn Laws was only declined at the present time. On the 7th of October Parliament was prorogued until November 11th, the Lords Commissioners being the LORD CHANCELLOR, the DUKE OF WELLINGTON, the DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM, the EARL OF SHAFTESBURY, and LORD WHARNCLIFFE.

[pg vii] NOTES. Humes Terminology.Defeat at Leeds.

W. BECKETT 2076 W. ALDAM 2043 T. HUME 2033 VISCOUNT JOCELYN 1926 Lessons in Punmanship.THOMAS HOOD, the distinguished Poet and Wit, died May 3, 1845.

Court Circular.MASTER JONES, better known as the Boy JONES, was a sweep who obtained admission on more than one occasion to Buckingham Palace in a very mysterious manner. He gave great trouble to the authorities, and was at length sent into the Royal Navy.

Mrs. Lilly was the nurse of the PRINCESS ROYAL.

Mr. Moreton Dyer, a stipendiary Magistrate, removed from the Commons on a charge of bribing electors.

A Public Conveyance.THE MARQUIS OF WATERFORD was then a man about town, and frequently before the public in connection with some extravagance.

The Black-Balled Of The United Service refers to proceedings connected with the EARL OF CARDIGAN. Exception had been taken to the introduction of black bottles at the mess-table at Brighton, and a duel was subsequently fought by LORD CARDIGAN and MR. HARVEY TUCKETT.

An Ode.Kilpacks Divan, now the American Bowling Alley, in King Street, Covent Garden, continues to be the resort of minor celebrities. As the club was a private one, we do not feel justified in more plainly indicating the members referred to as the jocal nine.

Mrs. H.MRS. HONEY, a very charming actress.

Court Circular.DEAF BURKE was a pugilist who occasionally exhibited himself as the Grecian Statues, and upon one occasion attempted a reading from SHAKSPEARE. As he was very ignorant, and could neither read nor write, the effect was extremely ridiculous, and helped to give the man a notoriety.

The Harp, a tavern near Drury Lane, was a favourite resort of the Elder KEAN, and in 1841 had a club-room divided into four wards: Gin Ward, Poverty Ward, Insanity Ward, and Suicide Ward, the walls of which were appropriately illustrated, and by no mean hand. The others named (with the exception of PADDY GREEN) were pugilists.

An an-tea Anacreontic.RUNDEL was the head of a large Jewellers firm on Ludgate Hill.

Monsieur Jullien was the first successful promoter of cheap concerts in England. He was a clever conductor, and affected the mountebank. He was a very honourable man, and hastened his death by over-exertion to meet his liabilities. He died 1860.

Punch and Peel.SIR ROBERT PEEL stipulated, on taking office, for an entire change of the Ladies of the Bedchamber.

William Farren, the celebrated actor of Old Men.

Colonel Sibthorp was M.P. for Lincoln, and more distinguished by his benevolence to his constituency than his merits as a senator. He was very amusing.

Fashionable Movements.COUNT DORSAY, an elegant, accomplished, and kind-hearted Frenchman, was a leader of Fashion, long resident in England. He was the friend and adviser of Louis NAPOLEON during his exile in this country. COUNT DORSAY died in Paris.

Jobbing Patriots.MR. GEORGE ROBINS was an auctioneer in Covent Garden, and celebrated for the extravagant imagery of his advertisements. His successors have offices in Bond Street.

Shocking Want of Sympathy.SIR P. LAURIE, a very active City magnate, continually engaged in putting down suicide, poverty, &c.

Sir F. Burdett, long the Radical member for Westminster. His political perversion took every one by surprise.

New Stuffing for the Speakers Chair.MR. PETER BORTHWICK had been an actor in the Provinces.

Inquest.The Eagle Tavern, City Road, was built by MR. ROUSEBravo, ROUSE! as he was called.

Lady Morgan, the Authoress of The Wild Irish Girl, and many other popular works, died 1860.

The Tory Table dHote.BILLY HOLMES was whipper-in to the Conservatives in the House of Commons.

The Legal Eccalobeion.BARON CAMPBELL had been appointed Chancellor of Ireland a few days before the Dissolution (1841). He is now Lord Chancellor of England (1861). The Eccalobeion was an apparatus for hatching birds by steam, but was too costly to be successful commercially.

The State Doctor.SIR R. PEEL, in his speech at Tamworth, had called himself the State Doctor, who would not attempt to prescribe until regularly called in.

Curious Coincidence.Certain gentlemen, feeling themselves aggrieved and unfairly treated by the managers of the London Theatres, had for some time been abusing the more fortunate dramatists, whose pieces had found acceptance with the public, until at last they resolved upon the course here set forth, and commented upon.

Animal Magnetism.LORDS MELBOURNE, RUSSELL, and MORPETH, and MR. LABOUCHERE at the window, SIR R. PEEL and the DUKE OF WELLINGTON mesmerising the Lion.

Mr. Muntz, M.P. for Birmingham, wore a very large beard, and in 1841 such hirsute adornments were very uncommon.

General Satisfaction.The Morning Herald had acquired the sobriquet of My Grandmother.

Done Again.MR. DUNN, a barrister, subjected Miss BURDETT COUTTS to a series of annoyances which ultimately led to legal proceedings, and to MR. DUNNS imprisonment.

Bernard Cavanagh was an impostor who pretended he could live for many weeks without food. He attracted much attention at the time, and was ultimately detected concealing [pg viii]a cold sausage, when he confessed his imposture, and was imprisoned by the MAYOR OF READING.

Taking The Hodds.Holy Land, the cant name for a part of St. Giless, now destroyed. BANKS owned a public-house frequented by thieves of both sexes, and whom he managed to keep under perfect control. A visit to Stunning JOE BANKS was thought a fast thing in 1841.

Feargus OConnor, M.P. for Nottingham, was the leader of the Chartists and projector of the Land Scheme for securing votes to the masses. The project failed. MR. OCONNOR was a political enthusiast, ultimately became insane, and died in an Asylum.

Die Hexen am Rhein.MR. FREDERICK YATES was an admirable actor, and the proprietor and manager of the favourite little Adelphi Theatre, in the Strand.

Prospectus.We believe this article suggested the existing Accident Assurance Company.

Mr. Silk Buckingham was a voluminous writer and founder of the British and Foreign Institute, in George Street, Hanover Square.

Parliamentary Masons.The masons employed in building the New Houses of Parliament struck for higher wages.

The Improvident.LORD MELBOURNE and MR. LABOUCHERE, MR. D. OCONNELL, LORDS RUSSELL and MORPETH.

Promenade Concerts.M. MUSARD was the originator in Paris of this class of amusement. Their popularity induced an imitation in England by M. JULLIEN.

To Benevolent and Humane Jokers.TOM COOKE was the leader and composer at the Theatres Royal, and a remarkable performer on a penny trumpet. He occasionally made use of this toy in his pantomime introductions. He was also a very funny fellow.

Coming Events Cast their Shadows before.SIR JAMES CLARKE, Accoucheur to the QUEEN.

Savory Con. by Cox.COX AND SAVORY, advertising silversmiths and watchmakers.

New Parliamentary Masons.In the foreground COL. SIBTHORP, SIR R. PEEL, and MR. OCONNELL. At the back SIR JAMES GRAHAM, DUKE OF WELLINGTON, and LORD STANLEY.

Rob Me the Exchequer, Hal.A person of the name of SMITH forged a great amount of Exchequer Bills at this time.

The Fire at the Tower on October 31, 1841. Immense damage was done to the building, and a great quantity of arms were destroyed. (See Annual Register.)

Sir Robert Macaire.Robert Macaire was a French felonious drama made famous by the admirable acting of LEMAITRE, and, from some supposed allusion to LOUIS PHILIPPE, MACAIRES friend and scapegoat always appears with a large umbrella.

The OConnell Papers.D. OCONNELL was elected Lord Mayor of Dublin, 1841.

Harmer Virumque Cano.ALDERMAN HARMER, Proprietor of the Weekly Dispatch, and for that and other reasons, was not elected Lord Mayor.

Cutting at the Root of the Evil.MR. HOBLER was for many years Principal Clerk to the Magistrates at the Mansion House.

Olivias (Lord Broughams) Return to her Friends.LORDS RUSSELL, MELBOURNE, MORPETH, D. OCONNELL, CORDEN, and LABOUCHERE.

A Barrow Knight.SIR VINCENT COTTON was a well-known four-in-hand whip, and for some little time drove a coach to Brighton. SIR WYNDHAM ANSTRUTHER (WHEEL OF FORTUNE) was another four-in-hand celebrity.

Seeing Nothing.DANIEL WHITTLE HARVEY.

Barber-ous Announcement.MR. TANNERS shop was part of one of the side arches of Temple Bar, and so reached from that obstruction to Shire Lane, which adjoins it on the City side.

Fashionable Intelligence.The PADDY GREEN so frequently referred to was a popular singer and an excellent tempered man. He was unfairly treated by Punch at this time, because really unknown to the writer. MR. JOHN GREEN is now the well known and much respected host and proprietor of Evanss Hotel, Covent Garden.

Kings and Carpenters.DON LEON, shot for insurrection in favour of the Ex-Regent CHRISTINA.

Cupid out of Place.LORD PALMERSTON, from his very engaging manner, was long known as Cupid.

Jack Cutting his Name on the Beam.LORD JOHN RUSSELL, after GEORGE CRUIKSHANKS etching of Jack Sheppard.

Sibthorps Con. Corner.BRYANT was publisher of Punch, 1841.

PUNCH kicks the world. Punch, or the London Charivari for the week ending July 17, 1841 October 9, 1841 July 24, 1841 October 16, 1841 July 31, 1841 October 23, 1841 August 7, 1841 October 30, 1841 August 14, 1841 November 6, 1841 August 21, 1841 November 13, 1841 August 28, 1841 November 20, 1841 September 5, 1841 November 27, 1841 September 12, 1841 December 4, 1841 September 18, 1841 December 11, 1841 September 25, 1841 December 18, 1841 October 2, 1841 December 25, 1841 INDEX. A man sweeping, forming the letter A A Barristers Card, 33 A Bitter DraughtJonathanisms, 47 A Bower of Bliss in Stangate, 120 A Barrowknight, 226 A Card, 106 A Chapter on Politics, 216 A Classical Inscription for a Cigar-case, 29 A Chapter on Boots, 16 A Con., 15, 23, 29, 48, 209, 221, 241, 252 A Constant Pair, 76 A Count and his Schneider, 76 A Curious Error, 155 A Cruel Disappointment, 81 Active Benevolence, 231 A Cut by Sir Peter, 273 A Dab for Laurie, 251 A Deer Bargain, 275 A Dictionary for the Ladies, 264 A Dose of Castor, 218 A Dress Rehearsal, 59 Advantages of Animal Magnetism, 47 Advantages of Style, 69 Advice Gratis, 74 A Familiar Epistle from John Stump, Esq., 237 A Fair Offer, 33 A Few more veritable Jonathans, 24 Affairs in China, 143 A Great Card, 143 A Hint for Politicians, 101 A Hint to the new Lord Chamberlain, 83 A Hint to the Ugly, 48 Alarming Destitution, 52 Alarming Prospects of the Country, 218 A Legend of the Tower (not London), 220 A Mail Due, 173 A Manual of Dénouements, 145 A Matter of Course, 83 A Matter of Taste, 52 A Mayors Nest, 184 A Meeting of Old Acquaintances, 252 A Mesmeric Advertisement, 122 A Moving Scene, 35 A Modern Method of forming a New Budget, 13 An Alligator Chairman, 10 An Alarming Strike, 122 An-Tea Anacreontic, 4, 13, 40, 53 An Atrocious Pun, 98 An Appropriate Name, 97 An Advertisement, 85 A Natural Deduction, 37 A Natural Inference, 52 An Appropriate Gift, 173 An Acute Angle, 73 An Extract from the Spectator, 202 An Extensive Sacrifice, 129 An Exclusive Appointment, 87 A New Theory of Pockets, 113 A New Milky Way, 228 A New Conjuring Company, 129 A New Version of Belshazzars Feast, 66 A New Wine, 257 An Imminent Breach, 82 An Inquiry from Deaf Burke, Esq., 58 Animal Magnetism, 28 An important Discovery, 64 Announcement Extraordinary, 274 An Ode picked up in the Divan, 11 A Novel Entertainment, 110 An Undivided Moiety, 205 A Party of Medallers, 15 A Pair of Ducks, 179 A Pair of Fools, 76 A Pæan for Dan, 208 A Perfect Vacuum Proved, 252 A Pleasant Assurance, 149 A Private Box, 93 A Pro and Con, 101 A Prudent Change, 34 A Prudent Reason, 125 A Public Convenience, 6 A Punch Testimonial, 227 A Pun from the Row, 83 A Quarter-day Cogitation, 5 Are ye sure the News is True? 218 Artistic Execution, 83 Arrived at Last, 173 A Ring! a Ring!! 145 American Congress, 172 A Royal Duck, 134 A Scandalous Report, 194 A Short Treatise of Dramatic Casualties, 131 A Singular Inadvertence, 90 A Slap at John Chinamans Chops, 180 A Slight Contrast, 256 A Spoke in Stanleys Wheel, 52 A Spoon Case, 251 Assertion of the Unintelligible, 111 A Strong Resemblance, 34 A Suggestion, 182 A Thing unfit to a(p)pear, 64 A Thorough Draught, 207 A Try-Angle, 170 A Trifle from Little Tommy, 81 Awful Accident, 69, 81 A Wood-cut, 23 Authentic, 40 A Voice from the Area, 100 A woman leans against a letter B. Bad either Way, 76 Ballads of the Briefless, 273 Barber-ous Announcement, 228 Bartholomew Fair Show-Folks, 88 Beginning Early, 75 Bernard Cavanagh, 124 Birth of the Prince of Wales, 205 Black and White, 52 Blow Gentle Breeze, 193 Brandy and Waterford (a Go!), 226 Breach of Privilege, 29 Buffoons Natural History, 256 Bunkss Discoveries in the Thames, 129 Burkes Heraldry, 182 A seated man smokes and forms a letter C Calumny Refuted, 52 Capital Illustration, 88 Cause and Effect, 202, 238 Caution to Gourmands, 81 Caution to Sportsmen, 97 Certainly not,Better Late than Never, 255 Characteristic Correspondence, 17 Charles Keans Cheek, 53 Chaunt to Old Father Time, 23 Chelsea, 71 Christianity.Price Fifteen Shillings, 150 Civilization, 27 Clar de Kitchen, 15 Comic Credentials, 40 Coming Events cast their Shadows before, 177 Commentary on the Elections, 9 Commercial Intelligence, 1 Cons.A Query, 54 Cons, by OConnell, 167 Con. by Theodore Hook, 81 Cons. by Our Own Colonel, 155 Conundrums by Col. Sibthorp, 21 Con. by Sibthorp and Stultz, 245 Con. by an X M.P., 29 Cons, worth Conning, 227 Conundrum by the Lord Mayor, 216 Concerts dEté, 96 Condensed Parliamentary Report, 133 Continuations from China, 157 Conversation between Two Hackney-coach Horses, 5 Coombes Lungs and Learning, 161 Correspondence, 35 Correspondence Extraordinary, 61 Coventrys Wise Precaution, 157 Court Circular, 5, 13 Crimes of Eating, 250 Cross Readings, 23 Cupids Bow, 255 Curious Ambiguity, 144 Curious Coincidence, 65, 87 Curious Synonymes, 173 Curiosity Hunters, 137 Custom-House Sale, 145 Cutting at the Root of the Evil, 218 Cutting it rather Short, 251 A man walks through a letter D Decidedly Unpleasant, 87 Devilled Drumsticks, 226 Dialogue. George Canning and Sir Robert Peel, 111 Diary of a Lord Mayor, 26 Discovery of Valuable Jewels, 238 Distress of the Country, 215 Doctor Peel taking time to Consult, 126 Doing the State some Service, 206 Domestic Economy, 183 Done again, 110 Draw it Gently, 255 Dyer Ignorance, 135 A man doffs his hat, holds a bag in his hand, and has a string attached. He forms a letter E. Eccentricities of the Minor Drama, 137 Ecclesiastical Transportation, 21 Elegant Phrases, 261 Eligible Investments! 209 Encouragement of Native Talent, 114 Enjoyment, 108 English and American Produce, 61 Epigrams, 14, 21, 24, 61, 89, 97, 173, 198 Epitaph on a Candle, 172 Errata in the Times, 141 Exclusive Interference, 28 Express from America, 185 Express from Windsor, 134 Extra Fashionable News, 90 Extraordinary Assize Intelligence, 52 Extraordinary Operation, 52 A man carries something on a shoulder and forms a letter F False Alarm, 206 Fancied Fair, 95 Fashions, 83, 257, 270 Fashionable Arrivals, 21, 74 Fashionable Intelligence, 47, 130, 205, 221, 232, 257 Fashionable Movements, 255 Fearful State of London, 99 Fine Arts, 9, 33, 108, 112 Fine Arts External Exhibitions, 65 Fire! Fire! 173 Fire at the Adelphi Theatre, 249 Fish Sauce, 118 Foreign Affairs, 42, 95 French Living, 232 From the London Gazette, Nov. 16, 232 A man leans against a letter G Galvanism Outdone, 101 General Satisfaction, 85 Geology of Society, 157 Go along, Bob, 155 Grants Meditations among the Coffee-cup, 263 Gravesendfrom our own Correspondent, 121 Great Annual Michaelmas Jubilee, 135 Two men shaking hands form a letter H (H)all is lost now! 123 Habit is second Nature, 147 Hamlets Soliloquy by a XX Teetotaller, 190 Happy Land, 173 Hard and Fast, 203 Hard to Remember, 209 Harmer Virumque Cano, 215 Heavy Lightness, 83 High Life Below Stairs, 134 Hints on Popping the Question, 233 Hints to New Members, 82 Hints on Melo-dramatic Music, 17 Hints how to enjoy an Omnibus, 250 His Turn now, 237 Hitting the Right Nail on the Head, 52 Hostilities in Private Life, 178 Humane Suggestion, 111 Humes Terminology, 1 Humes Day-school, 11 Hume LeedsWakley Follows, 180 Humfery Cheat-em, 45 PUNCH in his theatre forms a letter I I Do Adjure you, Answer me! 154 If I had a Thousand a Year, 63 Imperial ParliamentThe Queens Speech, 78 Important News from China, 74 Important Intelligence, 269 Important Invention, 130 Inauguration of the Image of Shakspere, 106 Injured Innocence, 54 Inquest, 41 Inquest Extraordinary, 87 Inquest Extraordinary on a Coroner, 155 Inquestnot Extraordinary, 78 Irish Intelligence.Awful State of the Country, 220 Irish Particular, 52 It was before I married, 57 A begging dog forms a letter J Jocky Jason, 57 Joe Humes Forthcoming Work, 221 Joe Hum(e)anity, 123 Jonathans, 24, 37 A woman and her backwards umbrella form a letter K Keeping it dark, 189 Kidnapping Extraordinary, 179 Kings and Carpenters, 234 People under a tree building a canoe form a letter L Labours of the British Association, 57 Labours of the Session, 159 Lady Morgans Little One, 49 Lam(b)entations, 71 Land Sharks and Sea Gulls, 142 Last New Sayings, 191 Lauries Raillery, 252 Lauries Essay on the Pharmacopia, 168 Laurie on Geography, 161 Lays of the Beau Monde, 141 Lays of the Lazy, 70 Legal Pugilism, 41 Lessons in Punmanship, 2 Letter of Introduction, 90 Like Master Like Man, 154 Lines on Miss Adelaide Kemble, 255 Looking on the Black Side of Things, 99 List of Outrages, 142 Literary Queries and Replies, 24 Lord Melbournes Letter-beg, 70 Lord Johnny Licking the Birse, 54 Love and Hymen, 244 Loyalty and Insanity, 258 Linen-drapers of Ludgate, 166 List of the Premiums at the H.S. Soc., 189 Literary Recipes, 39 Two girls on stilts form a letter M Madame Tussauds, 96 Magisterial Axioms, 226 Major Beniowskys New Art of Memory, 149 Making a Composition with ones Ancestors, 135 Marriage and Christening Extraordinary, 22 Matinée Mesmerique, 123 Matrimonial Agency, 59 Maternal Solicitude, 70 Matters in Fact and Matters in Law, 59 Metropolitan Improvements, 141 Michaelmas Day, 142 Modern Wat Tylers, 26 Molar and Incisor, 136 Monsieur Jullien, 15 More Ways than One, &c., 15 Morbid Sympathy for Criminals, 227 More Sketches of London Life, 231 More Fashionable Intelligence, 227 Mr. Punch, Artist in Philosophy and Fireworks, 202 Musical News (Noose), 243 My Names the Doctor, 40 Myself, Punch, and the Keeleys, 217 Two men and a wheelbarrow form a letter N Napoleons Statue at Boulogne, 81 National Distress, 251 Native Swallows, 1 Narrative of an Awful Case of Extreme Distress, 77 New Code of Signals, 57 News for the Syncretics, 101 New Parliamentary Returns, 83 New Annuals and Republications, 238 News of Extraordinary Interest, 15 New Swimming Apparatus, 99 New Works now in the Press, 171 New Stuffing for the Speakers Chair, 41 Nigger Peculiarities, 184 Nobody Cares and Nobody Nose, 250 Nothing Wonderful, 26 Nothing New, 159 Not Exactly, 256 Not a Step Fa(r)ther, 173 Nouveau Manuel du Voyageur, 28 Novel ExperimentGreat Screw, 82 Novel Subscriptions, 123 Nursery Education Report, 54 Nursery Education ReportNo. 2, 62 A couple in an O-framed vignette Official Report of the Fire at the Tower, 241 Oh! Day and Night! 132 Oh! Gemini! 228 Old Bailey, 41 Ominous, 22 One Good Turn deserves Another, 218 On Dits of the Clubs, 53 On Snuff, and the Different Ways of Taking it, 256 On the Introduction of Pantomime into the English Language, 10 On Sir E.L. Bulwer, Bart., 28 On the Science of Electioneering, 110 On the Key-Vive, 191 On the Popularity of Mr. Chs Kn, 48 Our City Article, 39, 245 Our Foreign Relations, 118 Our Trade Report, 189 Our Weathercock, 241 Out of School, 275 Out of Season, 98 Two men pull on a tree branch and form a letter P Parliamentary Intentions, 90 Parliamentary MasonsParliamentary Pictures, 162 Peels Pre-existence, 198 Peel regularly called in, 102 Pen and Palette Portraits, 262, 274 Peter the Great (Fool?), 250 Philanthropy, Fine Writing, and Fireworks, 77 Physiology of the Lond. Med. Student, 142, 154, 165, 177, 185, 201, 213, 225, 229, 244, 253, 265 Pictorial History of Parliament, 174 Pleasures of Hope (rather expensive), 83 Please to remember the Fifth of November, 195 Poached Egotism, 143 Poetry on an Improved Principle, 25 Political Naturalists Library, 143 Political Euclid, 149, 166 Politics of the Outward Man, 186 Political Intelligence, 264 Poor Jack, 158 Poor John Bull, 34 Popish Red-dress, 251 Possum up a Gum Tree, 205 Pray dont tell the Governor, 28 Present Crops Abroad, 82 Private, 13 Proper Precaution, 222 Prospectus for a Provident Annuity Company, 81 Prospectus for a New Hand-book of Jesters, 238 Prospectus of a New Grand Railroad Accident and Partial Mutilation Provident Society, 159 Private Correspondence, 155 Providing for Evil Days, 107 Promenade Concerts, 168 Public Affairs on Phrenological Principles, 57 Punch and Peel, 18 Punch and Peelthe New Cabinet, 30 Punch and Sir John Pollen, 45 Punch and the Swiss Giantess, 245 PunchliedSong for Punch Drinkers, 268 Punchs Catechism of Geography, 214 Punchs Commission to Inquire into the General Distress, 170 Punchs Correspondence, 17 Punchs Extra Dramatic Intelligence, 69 Punchs Essence of Guffaw, 122 Punchs Guide to the Watering PlacesBrighton, 145 Punchs Histrionic Readings in HistoryEngland, 136 Punchs Information, 41, 58, 82, 119, 179, 261 Punchs Lecture on Morality, 119 Punchs Letter-Writer, 255 Punchs Literature, 86 Punchs Literary Intelligence, 276 Punchs New General Letter-Writer, 160 Punchs Pæan to the Princelet, 209 Punchs Political Economy, 191 Punchs Random Recoll. of the House of Lords, 52 Punchs Review: Madame Laffarge, 189 Punchs Stomachology, Lecture I., 232 PUNCHS THEATRE, 12, 24, 36, 48, 60, 72, 84, 95, 107, 113, 131, 132, 144, 156, 167, 180, 192, 203, 204, 216, 239, 240, 252, 264, 276 A dog jumps through a hoop and forms a letter Q Q.E.D., 133 Qualifications for an M.P., 12 Queer Queries, 269 Questions by the Disowned of Nottingham, 23 A pump with a 'Temperance' banner forms a letter R Rather Ominous, 83 Rather Suicidal, 82 Reasons Ne Plus Ultra, 76, 97 Recollections of a Trip in Mr. Hamptons Balloon, 99 Railway Accidents, Prevention of, 165 Reconciling a Difference, 241 Recreation for the Public, 130 Reform your Lawyers Bills, 197 Regularly Called in and Bowled out, 225 Rejected Address of the Melancholy Whigs, 54 Relative Gentility, 189 Revenge is Sweet, 23 Review, 23 Rob me the Exchequer, Hal, 194 Roebuck defying the Thunderer, 134 Romance of a Teacup, 221, 233, 245 Root and Branch, 142 Royal Nursery Education Report, No. 3, 105 Rumball the Comedian, 41 Two whales kiss and form a letter S Sayings and Doings in the Royal Nursery, 239 Savory Con. by Cox, 178 Schools of Design, 83, 159 Seeing Nothing, 226 Shall Great Olympus to a Molehill Stoop? 89 Shocking want of Sympathy, 29 Should this meet the Eye, 203 Sibthorpiana, 144 Sibthorps Corner, 233, 251, 267 Sibthorp on Borthwick, 172 Sibthorp on the Corn Laws, 118 Sibthorps Very Best, 75 Sibthorpian Problems, 180 Signs of the Times, 253 Sir Francis Burdetts Visit to the Tower, 197 Sir Peter Laurie, 210 Sir Robert Peel and the Queen, 93 Sir Robert Peel (Loquitur), 155 Slumber, my Darling, 237 Some things to which the Irish would not swear, 177 Something Warlike, 1 So much for Buckingham, 159 Songs for Catarrhs, 205 Songs for the Sentimental, 6, 22, 37, 49, 81, 85, 123, 143, 149, 202, 233, 252, 262, 267 Songs of the Seedy, 93, 155, 167, 179, 184, 251 Soup, à la Julien, 264 Spanish Politics, 167 Sparks from the FireAll is not Lost, 214 Speech from the Hustings, 24 Sportingthe Knocker Hunt, 14 Sporting Face, 145 Sporting in Downing- street, 69 Starvation Statistics for Sir Robert Peel, 267 Stenotypography, 15 Street PoliticsPunch and his Stage-Manager, 6 Stupid as a Post, 241 Supreme Court of the High Inquisitor Punch, 40, 69 Surrey Zoological Gardens, 109 Syllables which breathe of the Sweet South, 22 Syncretic Literature, 100, 112, 124 Synopsis of Voting according to Cant, 3 Sweet Autumn Days, 153 Two Chinese men stand with their queues out to form a letter T Taking the Hodds, 133 Taking a Sight at the Fire, 220 Theatrical Intelligence, 107 TALES, SKETCHES, &c. A Day-Dream at my Uncles, 193 A Rail-Road Novel, 2 Father OFlynn and his Congregation, 125 My Uncle Bucket, 64 My Friend Tom, 101 Say it was me, 148 Take Care of Him, 268 The Barber of Stocksbawler, 161 The Currah Cut, 76 The Gold Snuff-box, 183 The Great Creature, 169 The Heir of Applebite, 73, 89, 97, 109, 121, 146, 171, 182, 194, 206, 219 The Man of Habit, 191 The Omen Outwitted, 117 The Professional Singer, 4 The Puff Papers, 230, 242, 254, 266 Tom Connors Dilemma, 153 The Sailors Secret, 22 The Tiptoes, 133 The Wife Catchers, 34, 37, 49, 61 Theatre- Royal Drury Lane, 47 The Above-bridge Navy, 35 The Amende Honorable, 107 The Bane and Antidote, 241 The Beauty of Brass, 111 The Boy Joness Log, 46 The Broth of a Boy, 269 The Battle and the Breeze, 130 The Corn Laws and Christianity, 114 The Cheroot, 273 The Copper Captain, 267 The Corsair; a Poem to be read on Railroads, 241 The Dinnerology of England, 78 The Destruction of the Aldermen, 215 The Desire of Pleasing, 181 The Election of Ballinafad, 21 The Entire Animal, 12 The Explosive Box, 28 The Evil most to be Dreaded, 143 The Fastest Man, 267 The Fasting Phenomenon, 130 The force of Fancy could no further go, 216 The Fêtes for the Polish, 249 The Fire at the Tower, 195 The Gents Own Book, 63, 75, 85, 98, 147, 190, 207 The Great Cricket Match at St. Stephens, 87 The Golden-square Revolution, 99 The Geology of Society, 178 The High- road to Gentility, 257 The Knatchbull Testimonial, 243 The late Promotions, 264 The Legal Eccalobeion, 52 The Lord Mayors Fool, 214 The Lord Mayors and the Queen, 202 The Loves of the Plants, 26 The Lost Med. Papers of the British Assoc., 94 The Limerick Mares, 231 The Lambeth Demosthenes, 219 The Light of all Nations, 130 The Minto House Manifesto, 45 The Ministerial TOP, 123 The Mansion-house Parrot, 58 The Money Market, 69 The Moral of Punch, 1 The Male Dalilah, 227 The Masons and the Stone Jug, 216 The Ministrys Ode to the Passions, 93 The New Doctors System, 132 The Normandie No-go, 29 The New Administration, 100 The New House, 29 The New State Stretcher, 173 The OConnell Papers, 208 The Prince of Wales, 226 The Packed Jury, 87 The Pensive Peel, 183 The Prince of Waleshis Future Times, 222 The Princes Extra, 216 The Rival Candidates, 196 The Rape of the Lock-up, 228 The Royal Bulletins, 226 The Rich Old Buffer, 77 The Rising Sun, 17 The Royal Lion and Unicorna Dialogue, 50 The Statistical Society, 110 The School of Design at Hookham-cum-Snivey, 269 The Star System, 231 The Speakership, 58 The Two Fatal Chiropedists, 89 The Two Macbeths, or the Haymarket Gemini, 47 The Tory Peacocks and the Finsbury Daw, 139 The Tory Table dHôte, 52 The Thorny Premier, 144 The Tea-service on Sea-service, 170 The Two New Equity Judges, 202 The Two last Important Sittings, 180 The Unkindest Cut of All, 221 The very next Jonathan, 157 The Value of StocksLast Quotation, 166 The Wheels of Fortune, 226 The Wise Man of the East, 250 The Well-dressed and the Well-to-do, 138 The War with China, 168 The Weight of Royaltythe Social Scale, 270 The Wapping Deluge, 178 The Whigs last Dying Speech, 66 Those Diving Belles! those Diving Belles! 158 To the Laughter-loving Public, 23 Try our best Sympathy, 190 To bad Jokers, 40 To benevolent and humane Jokers, 168 To Fancy Builders and Capitalists, 38 To Mr. Green, the Inspector of Highways, 74 To Professors of Languages who give Long Credit, 144 To Punsters and others, 274 To Sir Rhubarb Pill, M.P. and M.D., 123 To Sir Fs Bt, 39 To Sir Robert, 149 To the Black-balled of the United Service, 9 Transactions of the Soc. of Hookham-cum-Snivey, 141 Transactions and Yearly Report of do., 105, 118 Tremendous Failure, 207 A man's face in a U-shaped frame University of London, 51 Vocal Evasion, 83 Verses on Miss Chaplin, 238 Very Like a Whale, 173 Three men form a letter W War to the Nail, 136 Waterford Election, 29 W(h)at Tyler, 122 What, ho! Apothecary, 23 When Vulcan Forged, &c., 197 Whig-Waggeries, 13 Who are to be the Lords in Waiting, 99 Wit without Money, 38, 71 END OF THE FIRST VOLUME.

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 1. [pg 1] JULY 17, 1841. THE MORAL OF PUNCH. As we hope, gentle public, to pass many happy hours in your society, we think it right that you should know something of our character and intentions. Our title, at a first glance, may have misled you into a belief that we have no other intention than the amusement of a thoughtless crowd, and the collection of pence. We have a higher object. Few of the admirers of our prototype, merry Master PUNCH, have looked upon his vagaries but as the practical outpourings of a rude and boisterous mirth. We have considered him as a teacher of no mean pretensions, and have, therefore, adopted him as the sponsor for our weekly sheet of pleasant instruction. When we have seen him parading in the glories of his motley, flourishing his baton (like our friend Jullien at Drury-lane) in time with his own unrivalled discord, by which he seeks to win the attention and admiration of the crowd, what visions of graver puppetry have passed before our eyes! Golden circlets, with their adornments of coloured and lustrous gems, have bound the brow of infamy as well as that of honoura mockery to both; as though virtue required a reward beyond the fulfilment of its own high purposes, or that infamy could be cheated into the forgetfulness of its vileness by the weight around its temples! Gilded coaches have glided before us, in which sat men who thought the buzz and shouts of crowds a guerdon for the toils, the anxieties, and, too often, the peculations of a life. Our ears have rung with the noisy frothiness of those who have bought their fellow-men as beasts in the market-place, and found their reward in the sycophancy of a degraded constituency, or the patronage of a venal ministryno matter of what creed, for party must destroy patriotism.

The noble in his robes and coronetthe beadle in his gaudy livery of scarlet, and purple, and goldthe dignitary in the fulness of his pompthe demagogue in the triumph of his hollownessthese and other visual and oral cheats by which mankind are cajoled, have passed in review before us, conjured up by the magic wand of PUNCH.

How we envy his philosophy, when SHALLA-BA-LA, that demon with the bell, besets him at every turn, almost teasing the sap out of him! The moment that his tormentor quits the scene, PUNCH seems to forget the existence of his annoyance, and, carolling the mellifluous numbers of Jim Crow, or some other strain of equal beauty, makes the most of the present, regardless of the past or future; and when SHALLA-BA-LA renews his persecutions, PUNCH boldly faces his enemy, and ultimately becomes the victor. All have a SHALLA-BA-LA in some shape or other; but few, how few, the philosophy of PUNCH!

We are afraid our prototype is no favourite with the ladies. PUNCH is (and we reluctantly admit the fact) a Malthusian in principle, and somewhat of a domestic tyrant; for his conduct is at times harsh and ungentlemanly to Mrs. P.

Eve of a land that still is Paradise,

Italian beauty!

But as we never look for perfection in human nature, it is too much to expect it in wood. We wish it to be understood that we repudiate such principles and conduct. We have a Judy of our own, and a little Punchininny that commits innumerable improprieties; but we fearlessly aver that we never threw him out of window, nor belaboured the lady with a stickeven of the size allowed by law.

There is one portion of the drama we wish was omitted, for it always saddens uswe allude to the prison scene. PUNCH, it is true, sings in durance, but we hear the ring of the bars mingling with the song. We are advocates for the correction of offenders; but how many generous and kindly beings are there pining within the walls of a prison, whose only crimes are poverty and misfortune! They, too, sing and laugh, and appear jocund, but the heart can ever hear the ring of the bars.

We never looked upon a lark in a cage, and heard him trilling out his music as he sprang upwards to the roof of his prison, but we felt sickened with the sight and sound, as contrasting, in our thought, the free minstrel of the morning, bounding as it were into the blue caverns of the heavens, with the bird to whom the world was circumscribed. May the time soon arrive, when every prison shall be a palace of the mindwhen we shall seek to instruct and cease to punish. PUNCH has already advocated education by example. Look at his dog Toby! The instinct of the brute has almost germinated into reason. Man has reason, why not give him intelligence?

We now come to the last great lesson of our motley teacherthe gallows! that accursed tree which has its root in injuries. How clearly PUNCH exposes the fallacy of that dreadful law which authorises the destruction of life! PUNCH sometimes destroys the hangman: and why not? Where is the divine injunction against the shedder of mans blood to rest? None can answer! To us there is but ONE disposer of life. At other times PUNCH hangs the devil: this is as it should be. Destroy the principle of evil by increasing the means of cultivating the good, and the gallows will then become as much a wonder as it is now a jest.

We shall always play PUNCH, for we consider it best to be merry and wise

And laugh at all things, for we wish to know,

What, after all, are all things but a show!Byron.

As on the stage of PUNCHS theatre, many characters appear to fill up the interstices of the more important story, so our pages will be interspersed with trifles that have no other object than the moments approbationan end which will never be sought for at the expense of others, beyond the evanescent smile of a harmless satire.

COMMERCIAL INTELLIGENCE. There is a report of the stoppage of one of the most respectable hard-bake houses in the metropolis. The firm had been speculating considerably in Prince Alberts Rock, and this is said to have been the rock they have ultimately split upon. The boys will be the greatest sufferers. One of them had stripped hia jacket of all its buttons as a deposit on some tom-trot, which the house had promised to supply on the following day; and we regret to say, there are whispers of other transactions of a similar character.

Money has been abundant all day, and we saw a half-crown piece and some halfpence lying absolutely idle in the hands of an individual, who, if he had only chosen to walk with it into the market, might have produced a very alarming effect on some minor description of securities. Cherries were taken very freely at twopence a pound, and Spanish (liquorice) at a shade lower than yesterday. There has been a most disgusting glut of tallow all the week, which has had an alarming effect on dips, and thrown a still further gloom upon rushlights.

The late discussions on the timber duties have brought the match market into a very unsettled state, and Congreve lights seem destined to undergo a still further depression. This state of things was rendered worse towards the close of the day, by a large holder of the last-named article unexpectedly throwing an immense quantity into the market, which went off rapidly.

SOMETHING WARLIKE. Many of our readers must be aware, that in pantomimic pieces, the usual mode of making the audience acquainted with anything that cannot be clearly explained by dumb-show, is to exhibit a linen scroll, on which is painted, in large letters, the sentence necessary to be known. It so happened that a number of these scrolls had Been thrown aside after one of the grand spectacles at Astleys Amphitheatre, and remained amongst other lumber in the property-room, until the late destructive fire which occurred there. On that night, the wife of one of the stage-assistantsa woman of portly dimensionswas aroused from her bed by the alarm of fire, and in her confusion, being unable to find her proper habiliments, laid hold of one of these scrolls, and wrapping it around her, hastily rushed into the street, and presented to the astonished spectators an extensive back view, with the words, BOMBARD THE CITADEL, inscribed in legible characters upon her singular drapery.

HUMES TERMINOLOGY. Hume is so annoyed at his late defeat at Leeds, that he vows he will never make use of the word Tory again as long as he lives. Indeed, he proposes to expunge the term from the English language, and to substitute that which is applied to, his own party. In writing to a friend, that after the inflammatory character of the oratory of the Carlton Club, it is quite supererogatory for me to state (it being notorious) that all conciliatory measures will be rendered nugatory, he thus expressed himself:After the inflammawhig character of the orawhig of the nominees of the Carlton Club, it is quite supererogawhig for me to state (it being nowhigous) that all conciliawhig measures will be rendered nugawhig.

NATIVE SWALLOWS. A correspondent to one of the daily papers has remarked, that there is an almost total absence of swallows this summer in England. Had the writer been present at some of the election dinners lately, he must have confessed that a greater number of active swallows has rarely been observed congregated in any one year.

LORD MELBOURNE TO PUNCH. My dear PUNCH,Seeing in the Court Circular of the Morning Herald an account of a General Goblet as one of the guests of her Majesty, I beg to state, that till I saw that announcement, I was not aware of any other general gobble it than myself at the Palace.

Yours, truly, MELBOURN

[pg 2] A RAILROAD NOVEL DEAR PUNCH,I was much amused the other day, on taking my seat in the Birmingham Railway train, to observe a sentimental-looking young gentleman, who was sitting opposite to me, deliberately draw from his travelling-bag three volumes of what appeared to me a new novel of the full regulation size, and with intense interest commence the first volume at the title-page. At the same instant the last bell rang, and away started our train, whizz, bang, like a flash of lightning through a butter-firkin. I endeavoured to catch a glimpse of some familiar places as we passed, but the attempt was altogether useless. Harrow-on-the-Hill, as we shot by it, seemed to be driving pell-mell up to town, followed by Boxmoor, Tring, and AylesburyI missed Wolverton and Weedon while taking a pinch of snufflost Rugby and Coventry before I had done sneezing, and I had scarcely time to say, God bless us, till I found we had reached Birmingham. Whereupon I began to calculate the trifling progress my reading companion could have made in his book during our rapid journey, and to devise plans for the gratification of persons similarly situated as my fellow-traveller. Why, thought I, should literature alone lag in the age of steam? Is there no way by which a man could be made to swallow Scott or bolt Bulwer, in as short a time as it now takes him to read an auction bill? Suddenly a happy thought struck me: it was to write a novel, in which only the actual spirit of the narration should be retained, rejecting all expletives, flourishes, and ornamental figures of speech; to be terse and abrupt in styleuse monosyllables always in preference to polysyllablesand to eschew all heroes and heroines whose names contain more than four letters. Full of this idea, on my returning home in the evening, I sat to my desk, and before I retired to rest, had written a novel of three neat, portable volumes; which, I assert, any lady or gentlemen, who has had the advantage of a liberal education, may get through with tolerable ease, in the time occupied by the railroad train running from London to Birmingham.

I will not dilate on the many advantages which this description of writing possesses over all others. Lamplighters, commercial bagmen, omnibus-cads, tavern-waiters, and general postmen, may read as they run. Fiddlers at the theatres, during the rests in a piece of music, may also benefit by my invention; for which, if the following specimen meet your approbation, I shall instantly apply for a patent.