Chapter I: OF THE WORLD IN GENERAL. Q. What is geography? (4)

It is to make the blood boil in our veins to read the account of the execution of such men as LEON, ORA, and BORIA, the foolish martyrs to a wicked cause. Never was a great social wrong dignified by higher courage. Our admiration of the boldness with which these men have faced their fate is mingled with the deepest regret that the prime conspirators are safe in Paris; that one sits in derision of justice on fellow criminalson men whose crime may have some slight extenuation from ignorance, want, or fancied cause of revenge; that the other, with the surpassing meekness of Christianity, goes to mass in her carriage, distributes her alms to the poor, and, with her soul dyed with the blood of the young, the chivalrous, and the brave, makes mouths at Heaven in very mockery of prayer.

We once were sufficiently credulous to believe in the honesty of LOUIS- PHILIPPE; we sympathised with him as a bold, able, high-principled man fighting the fight of good government against a faction of smoke-headed fools and scoundrel desperadoes. He has out-lived our good opinionthe good opinion of the world. He is, after all, a lump of crowned vulgarity. Pity it is that men, the trusting and the brave, are made the puppets, the martyrs, of such regality!

As for Queen CHRISTINA, her path, if she have any touch of conscience, must be dogged by the spectres of her dupes. She is the Madame LAFFARGE of royalty; nay, worsethe incarnation of Mrs. BROWNRIGG. Indeed, what JOHNSON applied to another less criminal person may be justly dealt upon her:Sir, she is not a woman, she is a speaking cat!

Q.

[pg 235] PUNCHS PENCILLINGS.No. XX. A group of men in military dress (including a fife and drum) have slogans like 'POPULARITY' and 'TAXES' and 'CORN LAWS' and 'JUST GIVE US TIME' written on them. THE RECRUITING SERGEANT.

LIST, WAKLEY! LIST!New Shaksperian Readings.

[pg 237] HIS TURN NOW. They say the owl was a bakers daughter.

Oh, how the wheel becomes it.SHAKSPEARE.

That immense cigar, our mild Cavannah, has at length met with his deserts, and left the sage savans of the fools hotbed, London, the undisturbed possession of the diligently-achieved fools-caps their extreme absurdity, egregious folly, and lout-like gullibility, have so splendidly qualified them to support.

This extraordinary and Heaven-gifted faster is at length laid by the heels. The full blown imposition has explodedthe wretched cheat is consigned to merited durance; while the trebly-gammoned and unexampled spoons who were his willing dupes are in full possession of the enviable notoriety necessarily attendant upon their extreme amount of unmitigated folly.

This egregious liar and finger-post for thrice inoculated fools set out upon a provincial Starring and Starving Expedition, issuing bills, announcing his wish to be open to public inspection, and delicately hinting the absolute necessity of shelling-out the browns, as though he, Bernard Cavanagh, did not eat, yet he had a brother as did; consequently, ways and means for the establishment and continuance of a small commissariat for the ungifted fraternal was delicately hinted at in the various documents containing the pressing invitations to yokel population to honour him with an inspection.

Numerous were the visitors and small the contributions attendant upon the circulation of these documents in madness. Many men are rather notorious in our great metropolis for living upon nothing, that is, existing without the aid of such hard food as starved the ass-eared Midas; out these gentlemen of invisible ways and means have a very decent notion of employing four out of the twenty four hours in supplying their internal economy with such creature comforts as, in days of yore, disinherited Esau, and procured a somewhat gastronomic celebrity for the far-famed Heliogabalus. But a gentleman who could treat his stomach like a postponed bill in the House of Commonsthat is, adjourn it sine die, or take it into consideration this day seven yearswas really a likely person to attract attention and excite curiosity: accordingly, Bernard Cavanagh was questioned closely by some of his visitors; but he, like the speculation, appeared to be one not likely to answer.

Apparent efforts at concealment invariably lead to doubt, and, doubt engendering curiosity, is very like to undergo, especially from one of the fair sex, a scrutiny of the most searching kind. Eve caused the fall of Adama daughter of Eve has discovered and crushed this heretofore hidden mystery. This peculiarly empty individual was discovered by the good ladydespite the disguise of a black patch upon his nose and an immeasurable outspread of Bandana superficially covering that (as he asserted) useless orifice, his mouthsneaking into the far-off premises of a miscellaneous vendor of ready-dressed eatables; and there Bernard the fasterthe anti-nourishment and terrestrial food-defying wonderthe certificated of Heaven knows how many deacons, parsons, physicians, and foolsdemanded the very moderate allowance for his breakfast of a twopenny loaf, a sausage, and a quarter of a pound of ham cut fat: thats the beauty of itcut fat! The astonished witness of this singular purchase rushed at once to the hotel: Cavanagh might contain the edibles, she could not: the affair was blown; an investigation very properly adjudicated upon the case; and three months discipline at the tread-mill is now the reward of this arch-impostors merits. So far so good; but in the name of common sense let some experienced practitioner in the art of cutting for the simples be furnished with a correct list of the awful asses he has cozened at hood-man blind; and pray Heaven they may each and severally be operated on with all convenient speed!

SLUMBER, MY DARLING. During the vacation, the Judges bench in each of the Courts at Westminster Hall has been furnished with luxurious air- cushions, and heated with the warm-air apparatus. Baron Parke declares that the Bench is now really a snug berth,and, during one of Sergeant Bompass long speeches, a most desirable place for taking

A man sits in a chair at a table, where a spider web connects his nose to a bottle and a cup. A SOUND NAP.

A FAMILIAR EPISTLE FROM JOHN STUMP, ESQ., POET LAUREATE TO THE BOROUGH OF GRUB-CUM-GUZZLE, TO SIMON NIBB, ESQ., COMMON-COUNCIL-MAN OF THE SAID BOROUGH, Setting forth a notable Plan for the better management of RAILWAY DIRECTORS. DEAR SIMON, If I were a Parliament man,

Id make a long speech, and Id bring in a plan,

And prevail on the House to support a new clause

In the very first chapter of Criminal Laws!

But, to guard against getting too nervous or low

(For my speech youre aware would be then a no-go),

Id attack, ere I went, some two bottles of Sherry,

And chaunt all the way Row di-dow di-down-derry!11. The exact tune of this interesting song it has not been in our power to discoverit is, however, undoubtedly a truly national melody.

Then having arrived (just to drive down the phlegm),

Id clear out my throat and pronounce a loud Hem!

(So th appearance of summers preceded by swallows,)

Make my bow to the House, and address it as follows:

Mr. Speaker! the state of the Criminal Laws

(Thus, like Cicero, at once go right into the cause)

Is such as demands our most serious attention,

And strong reprobation, and quick intervention.

(This rattling of words, which is quite in the fashion,

Shows the depth of my zeal, and the force of my passion.)

Though the traitors obligingly eased of his head

Though a Wilde22. After due inquiry we have satisfied ourselves that the individual here mentioned is not H.M.s late Solicitor-General, but one Jonathan Wilde, touching whose history vide Jack Sheppard. to the dark- frowning gallows is led

Tho the robber, when caught, is most kindly sent hence

Beyond the blue wave, at his countrys expense!

Yet so bad, so disgracefully bad, seems to me

The state of the law in this Land of the free

(Speak these words in a manner most zealous and fervid)

That theres no law for those who most richly deserve it!

Yes, Sir, tis a fact not less true than astounding

A factto the wise with instruction abounding,

That those who the face of the country destroy,

And hurl oer the best scenes of Nature alloy

Who Earths brightest portions cut through at a dash

Who mix beauty and beastliness all in one hash

(I dont dwell upon deaths, since a reason so brittle

Is but worthy of minds unpoetic and little)

Base scum of the Earth, and sweet Natures dissectors,

Meet with no just rewardthese same Railway Directors!

Ive not mentioned the Laughters, the Bravos, the Hears,

Agitations, Sensations, and Deafening Cheers,

Which of course would attend a speech so patriotic,

So truly exciting, and anti-narcotic!

In this style Id proceed, till Id proved to the House

That these railways, in fact, were a national chouse,

And the best thing to do for poor Earth, to protect her,

Would beto hang daily a Railway Director!

Of course the Hon. Members could neer have a thought

Of opposing a motion with kindness so fraught;

But would welcome with fervent and loud acclamation?

A project so teeming with consideration,?

As a model of justice, a boon to the nation!?

Such, Simon, if I were a Parliament man,

The basis would be, and the scope, of my plan!

But my rushlight is droopingso trusting diurnally,

To hear your opinionbelieve me eternally

(Whilst swearing affection, best swear in the lump)

Your obedient,

devoted,

admiring,

JOHN STUMP.

[pg 238] PROSPECTUS FOR A NEW HAND-BOOK OF JESTERS; OR, YOUNG JOKERS BEST COMPANION. All the worlds a joke, and all the men and women merely jokers.Shakspeare. From the text of Joseph Miller.

Messrs. GAG and GAMMON beg most respectfully to call the strict attention of the reading public to the following brief prospectus of their forthcoming work On Jokes for all subjects. Messrs. GAG and GAMMON pledge themselves to produce an article at present unmatched for application and originality, upon such terms as must secure them the patronage and lasting gratitude of their many admirers. Messrs. GAG and GAMMON propose dividing their highly-seasoned and warranted-to-keep-in- any-climate universal facetiæ into the following various heads, departments, or classes:

General jokes for all occasions; chiefly applicable to individuals names, expressive of peculiar colours.

A very superior article on Brownsif required, bringing in said Browns in Black and White.

Embarrassed do., very humorous, with Duns; and a choice selection of unique references to the copper coin of the realm. Worthy the attention of young beginners, and very safe for small country towns, with one wit possessed of a good horse-laugh for his own, or rather Messrs. G. and G.s jokes.

Do. do. on Greens, very various: bring in Sap superbly, and Pea with peculiar power; with a short cut to Lettus (Lettuce), and Hansons Patent Safety,a beautiful allusion to the Cab-age. May be tried when there is an attorney and young doctor, with a perfect certainty of success.

Do. do. do. On Wiggins; very pungent, suitable to the present political position; offering a beautiful contrast of Wig-ins and Wig-outs; capable of great ramifications, and may be done at least twice a-night in a half whisper in mixed society.

Also some Delightful Dinner Diversions, or Joke Sauces for all Joints.

Calves-head.Brings in fellow-feeling; family likeness; cannibalism; tête-à-tête; while the brain sauce and tongue are never-failing.

Goose.Same as above, with allusions to the sage; two or three that stick in the gizzard; and a beautiful work up with a long liver.

Ducks.Very military: bring in drill; drumsticks; breastwork; and pair of ducks for light clothing and summer wear.

Snipes.Good for lawyers; long bill. Gallantry; Toast be dear Woman. Mercantile; run on banks. And infants; living on suction.

Herring.Capital for bride: her-ring; petticoats, flannel and otherwise, herring-boned. Fat people; bloaters; &c. &c. &c.

Venison.Superior, for offering everybody some of your sauce. Sad subject, as it ought to be looked upon with a grave eye (gravy). Wish your friends might always give you such a cut. &c. &c. &c.

Port.Like well-baked bread, best when crusty; flies out of glass because of the bees wing. Always happy to become a porter on such occasions; object to general breakages, but partial to the cracking of a bottle; comes from a good cellar and a good buyer, though no wish to be a good-bye-er to it. All the above with beautiful leading cues, and really with two or three rehearsals the very best things ever done.

Sherry.Do you sherry? Not just yet. Rather unlucky, white whining: like a bottle of port; but no objection to share he. Hope never to be out of the Pale of do.; if so, will submit to be done Brown.

N.B.After an election dinner, any of the above valued at a six weeks invitation from any voter under the influence of his third bottle; and absolute reversion of the chair, when original chairman disappears under table.

Champagne.Real pleasure (quite newnever thought of before)must be Wrights; nothing left about it; intoxicating portion of a bird, getting drunk with pheasants eye. What genders wine? Why hens feminine. Safe three rounds; and some others not quite compact.

Hock.Hic, hec, do.

Hugeous.Glass by all means (very new); never could decline it, &c. &c. &c.

Dessert.Wish every one had it; join hands with ladies fingers and bishops thumbs: Prince Albert and Queen very choice Windsor pairs; medlars; unpleasant neighbour: nuts; decidedly lunatic, sure to be cracked; disbanding Field Officers shelling out the kernels, &c. &c. &c.

The above are but a few samples from the very extensive joke manufactory of Messrs. Gammon and Gag, sole patentees of the powerful and prolific steam-joke double-action press. They are all warranted of the very best quality, and last date.

Old jokes taken in exchangeof course allowing a liberal per-centage.

Gentlemens own materials made up in the most superior style, and at the very shortest notice.

Election squibs going offa decided sacrifice of splendid talent.

Ideas convertible in cons., puns, and epigrams, always on hand.

Laughs taught in six lessons.

A treatise on leading subjects for experienced jokers just completed.

A large volume of choice sells will be put up by Mr. George Robins on the 1st of April next, unless previously disposed of by private contract.

N.B.Well worthy the attention of sporting and other punsters.

Also a choice cachinatory chronicle, entitled How to Laugh, and what to Laugh at.

For further particulars apply to Messrs. Gag and Gammon, new and second- hand depôt for gentlemens left-off facetiæ, Monmouth-street; and at their West-end establishment, opposite the Black Doll, and next door to Mr. Catnach, Seven-dials.

VERSES ON MISS CHAPLIN AND THE BACK OF AN ADELPHI PLAYBILL. Let Bulwer and Stephens write epics like mad,

With lofty hexameters grapplin,

My theme is as good, though my verse be as bad,

For tis all about Ellena Chaplin!

As lovely a nymph as the rhapsodist sees

To inspire his romantical nap. Lin

Neer saw such a charming celestial Chinese

Maid of Honour as Ellena Chaplin.

O Yates! let us give thee due credit for this:

Thou hast an infallible trap lain

For mouths cannot hiss, when they long for a kiss;

As thou provestwith Ellena Chaplin.

Een the water wherein (in Die Hexen am Rhein)

She dives (in an elegant wrap-lin-

Sey-woolsey, I guess) seems bewitchd into wine,

When duckd in by Ellena Chaplin.

A fortunate blade will be he can persuade

This nymph to some church or some chapl in,

And change to a wife the most beautiful Maid

Of the theatreEllena Chaplin!

CAUSE AND EFFECT. The active and speculative Alderman Humphrey, being always ready to turn a penny, has entered into a contract to supply a tribe of North American Indians with second-hand wearing apparel during the ensuing winter. In pursuance of this object he applied yesterday at the Court of Chancery to purchase the 530 suits, including 40 removed from the Equity Exchequer, which occupy the cause list for the present term. Upon the discovery of his mistake the Alderman wisely determined on

A boy walks to school. GOING TO BRIGHTEN.

NEW ANNUALS AND REPUBLICATIONS. ANNUALS. FORGET-ME-NOT Dedicated to the Irish Pisantry. By Mayor Dan OConnell. FRIENDSHIPS OFFERING Dedicated by Mr. Roebuck to the Times. THE BOOK OF BEAUTY Edited by Col. Sibthorp and Mr. Muntz. THE JUVENILE ANNUAL Edited by the Queen, and dedicated to Prince Albert REPUBLICATIONS. ON NOSOLOGY By the Duke of Wellington and Lord Brougham. A TREATISE ON ELOQUENCE By W. Gibson Craig, M.P. COOPERS DEAR-SLAYER By Lord Palmerston. DISCOVERY OF VALUABLE JEWELS. Public curiosity has been a good deal excited lately by mysterious rumours concerning some valuable jewels, which, it was said, had been discovered at the Exchequer. The pill-box supposed to enclose these costly gems being solemnly opened, it was found to contain nothing but an antique pair of false promises, set in copper, once the property of Sir Francis Burdett; and a bloodstone amulet, ascertained to have belonged to the Duke of Wellington. The box was singularly enough tied with red official tape, and sealed with treasury wax, the motto on the seal being Requiscat in Pace.

[pg 239] SAYINGS & DOINGS IN THE ROYAL NURSERY. We are enabled to assure our readers that his Royal Highness the Duke of Cornwall has appointed Lord Glengall pap-spoon in waiting to his Royal Highness.

The Lord Mayor, Lord Londonderry, Sir Peter Laurie, Sir John Key, Colonel Sibthorp, Mr. Goulburn, Peter Borthwick, Lord Ashburton, and Sir E.L. Bulwer, were admitted to an interview with his Royal Highness, who received them in full cry, and was graciously pleased to confer on our Sir Peter extraordinary proofs of his royal condescension. The distinguished party afterwards had the honour of partaking of caudle with the nursery-maids.

Sir John Scott Lillie has informed us confidentially, that he is not the individual of that name who has been appointed monthly nurse in the Palace. Sir John feels that his qualifications ought to have entitled him to a preference.

The captain of the Britannia states that he fell in with two large whales between Dover and Boulogne on last Monday. There is every reason to believe they were coming up the Thames to offer their congratulations to the future Prince of Whales.

THE REWARD OF VIRTUE. We understand that Sir Peter Laurie has been presented with the Freedom of the Barbers Company, enclosed in a pewter shaving-box of the value of fourpence-halfpenny. On the lid is a medallion of

A rabbit sits next to a baby's basket. THE HARE A PARENT.

A difficulty, it is thought, may arise in bestowing the customary honour upon the chief magistrate of the city, upon the birth of a male heir to the throne, in consequence of the Prince being born on the day on which the late Mayor went out and the present one came into office. Sir Peter Laurie suggests that a petition be presented to the Queen, praying that her Majesty may (in order to avoid a recurrence of such an awkward dilemma) be pleased in future to

A shopwoman yells after a boy running with a box marked 'Dates'. MIND HER DATES.

PUNCHS THEATRE. COURT AND CITY. The other evening, the public were put in possession, at Covent Garden Theatre, of a new branch of art in play concoction, which may be called dramatic distillation. By this process the essence of two or more old comedies is extracted; their characters and plots amalgamated; and the whole rectified by the careful expunction of equivocal passages. Finally, the drame is offered to the public in active potions; five of which are a dose.

The forgotten plays put into the still on this occasion were The Discovery, by Mrs. Frances Sheridan, and The Tender Husband, by Sir Richard Steele. From one, that portion which relates to the City, is taken; the Court end of the piece belonging to the other. In fact, even in their modern dress, they are two distinct dramas, only both are played at oncea wholesome economy being thus exercised over time, actors, scenery, and decorations: the only profusion required is in the article of patience, of which the audience must be very liberal.

The courtiers consist of Lord Dangerfield, who although, orto speak in a sense more strictly domesticbecause, he has got a wife of his own, falls in love with the young spouse of young Lord Whiffle; then there is Sir Paladin Scruple, who, having owned to eighteen separate tender declarations during fourteen years, dangles after Mrs. Charmington, an enchanting widow, and Louisa Dangerfield, an insipid spinster, the latter being in love with his son.

The citizens consist of the famille Bearbinder, parents and daughter, together with Sir Hector Rumbush and a clownish son, who the former insists shall marry the sentimental Barbara Bearbinder, but who, accordingly, does no such thing.

The dialogues of these two sets go on quite independent of each other, action there is none, nor plot, nor, indeed, any progression of incident whatever. Lord Dangerfield tells you, in the first scene, he is trying to seduce Lady Whiffle, and you know he wont get her. Directly you hear that Sir Paladin Scruple has declared in favour of Miss Dangerfield, you are quite sure she will marry the son; in short, there is not the glimmer of an incident throughout either department of the play which you are not scrupulously prepared forso that the least approach to expectation is nipped in the bud. The whole fable is carefully developed after all the characters have once made their introduction; hence, at least three of the acts consist entirely of events you have been told are going to happen, and of the fulfilment of intentions already expressed.

One character our enumeration has omittedthat of Mr. Winnington, who being a lawyer, stock and marriage broker, is the bosom friend and confident of every character in the piece, and, consequently, is the only person who has intercourse with the two sets of characters. This is a part patched up to be the sticking plaster which holds the two plots together-the flux that joins the mettlesome Captain Dangerfield (son of the Lord) to the sentimental citoyenne Barbara Bearbinder. In fact, Winnington is the authors go-between, by which he maketh the twain comedies onethe Temple Bar of the playfor he joineth the Court with the City.

So much for construction: now for detail. The legitimate object of comedy is the truthful delineation of manners. In life, manners are displayed by what people do, and by what they say. Comedy, therefore, ought to consist of action and dialogue. (Thank you, exclaims our reader, for this wonderful discovery!) Now we have seen that in Court and City there is little action: hence it may be supposed that the brilliancy of the dialogue it was that tempted the author to brush away the well-deserved dust under which the Discovery and the Tender Husband have been half-a-century imbedded. But this supposition would be entirely erroneous. The courtiers and citizens themselves were but dull company: it was chiefly the acting that kept the audience on the benches and out of their beds.

Without action or wit, what then renders the comedy endurable? It is this: all the parts are individualitiesthey speak, each and every of them, exactly such words, by which they give utterance to such thoughts, as are characteristic of him or herself, each after his kind. In this respect the Court and City presents as pure a delineation of manners as a play without incident can doa truer one, perhaps, than if it were studded with brilliancies; for in private life neither the denizens of St. Jamess, nor those of St. Botolphs, were ever celebrated for the brilliancy of their wit. Nor are they at present; if we may judge from the fact of Colonel Sibthorp being the representative of the one class, and Sir Peter Laurie the oracle of the other.

This nice adaptation of the dialogue to the various characters, therefore, offers scope for good acting, and gets it. Mr. Farren, in Sir Paladin Scruple, affords what tradition and social history assure us is a perfect portraiture of an old gentleman of the last century;more than that, of a singular, peculiar old gentleman. And yet this excellent artist, in portraying the peculiarities of the individual, still preserves the general features of the class. The part itself is the most difficult in nature to make tolerable on the stage, its leading characteristic being wordiness. Sir Paladin, a gentleman (in the ultra strict sense of that term) seventy years of age, is desirous of the character of un homme de bonnes fortunes. Cold, precise, and pedantic, he tells the objectsnot of his flamebut of his declarations, that he is consumed with passion, dying of despair, devoured with lovetalking at the same time in parenthetical apologies, nicely-balanced antitheses, and behaving himself with the most frigid formality. His bow (that old- fashioned and elaborate manual exercise called making a leg) is in itself an epitome of the manners and customs of the ancients.

Madame Vestris and Mr. C. Matthews played Lady and Lord Whiffletwo also exceedingly difficult characters, but by these performers most delicately handled. They are a very young, inexperienced (almost childish), and quarrelsome couple. Frivolity so extreme as they were required to represent demands the utmost nicety of colouring to rescue it from silliness and inanity. But the actors kept their portraits well up to a pleasing standard, and made them both quite spirituels (more Frenchthat Morning Post will be the ruin of us), as well as in a high degree natural.

All the rest of the players, being always and altogether actors, within the most literal meaning of the word, were exactly the same in this comedy as they are in any other. Mr. Diddear had in Lord Dangerfield one of those [pg 240]parts which is generally confided to gentlemen who deliver the dialogue with one hand thrust into the bosom of the vestthe other remaining at liberty, with which to saw the air, or to shake hands with a friend. Mr. Harley played the part of Mr. Harley (called in the bills Humphrey Rumbush) precisely in the same style as Mr. Harley ever did and ever will, whatever dress he has worn or may wear. The rest of the people we will not mention, not being anxious for a repetition of the unpleasant fits of yawning which a too vivid recollection of their dulness might re-produce. The only merit of Court and City being in the dialoguethe only merit of that consisting of minute and subtle representations of character, and these folks being utterly innocent of the smallest perception of its meaning or intentionthe draughts they drew upon the patience of the audience were enormous, and but grudgingly met. But for the acting of Farren and the managers, the whole thing would have been an unendurable infliction. As it was, it afforded a capital illustration of

Two men carry a palanquin in opposite directions. ATTRACTION AND REPULSION.

TEN THOUSAND A-YEAR! The dramatic capabilities of Ten Thousand a-Year, as manifested in the vicissitudes that happen to the Yatton Borough (appropriately recorded by Mr. Warren in Blackwoods Magazine), have been fairly put to the test by a popular and Peake-ante play-wright. What a subject! With ten thousand a-year a man may do anything. There is attraction in the very sound of the words. It is well worth the penny one gives for a bill to con over those rich, euphonious, delicious syllablesTEN THOUSAND A-YEAR! Why, the magic letters express the concentrated essence of human felicitythe summum bonum of mortal bliss!

Charles Aubrey, of Yatton, in the county of York, Esquire, possesses ten thousand a-year in landed property, a lovely sister in yellow satin, a wife who can sing, and two charming children, who dance the mazourka as well as they do it at Almacks, or at Mr. Baron Nathans. As is generally the case with gentlemen of large fortunes, he is the repository of all the cardinal virtues, and of all the talents. Good husbands, good fathers, good brothers, and idolised landlords, are plenty enough; but a man who, like Aubrey, is all these put together, is indeed a scarce article; the more so, as he is also a profound scholar, and an honest statesman. In short, though pretty well versed in the paragons of virtue that belong to the drama, we find this Charles Aubrey to be the veriest angel that ever wore black trousers and pumps.

The most exalted virtue of the stage is, in the long run, seen in good circumstances, and vice versa; for, in this country, one of the chief elements of crime is poverty. Hence the picture is reversed; we behold a striking contrasta scene antithetical. We are shown into a miserable garret, and introduced to a vulgar, illiterate, cockneyfied, dirty, dandified linendrapers shopman, in the person of Tittlebat Titmouse. In the midst of his distresses his attention is directed to a Next of Kin advertisement. It relates to him and to the Yatton property; and if you be the least conversant with stage effect, you know what is coming: though the author thinks he is leaving you in a state of agonising suspense by closing the act.

The next scene is the robing-room of the York Court-house; and the curtains at the back are afterwards drawn aside to disclose a large cupboard, meant to represent an assize-court. On one shelf of it is seated a supposititious Judge, surrounded by some half-dozen pseudo female spectators; the bottom shelf being occupied by counsel, attorney, crier of the court, and plaintiff. The special jury are severally called in to occupy the right-hand shelf; and when the cupboard is quite full, all the forms of returning a verdict are gone through. This is for the plaintiff! Mr. Aubrey is ruined; and Mr. Titmouse jumps about, at the imminent risk of breaking the cupboard to pieces, having already knocked down a counsel or two, and rolled over his own attorney.

This idea of dramatising proceedings at nisi prius only shows the state of destitution into which the promoters of stage excitement have fallen. The Baileys, Old and New, have, from constant use, lost their charms; the police officers were completely worn out by Tom and Jerry, Oliver Twist, &c.; so that now, all the courts left to be done for the drama are the Exchequer and Ecclesiastical, Secondaries and Summonsing, Petty Sessions and Prerogative. But what is to happen when these are exhausted? The answer is obvious:Mr. Yates will turn his attention to the Church! Depend upon it, we shall soon have the potent Paul Bedford, or the grave and reverend Mr. John Saunders, in solemn sables, converting the stage into a Baptist meeting, and repentant supernumeraries with the real water!

Hoping to be forgiven for this, perhaps misplaced, levity, we proceed to