Chapter XXXV: Nuze Cuts From Our Exchanges

The "_Shanghi Dispatch_" advertises for "a Devil, not over 14 years ov good moral karacter.--References exchanged.--The young Devil will be expekted tew board with his father, espeshily during the cold weather."

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The "_Nevada Brick_" says, "thare will be a total eklips of the moon, next month, visibel with the naked eye, only tew the subskribers ov the "_Brick_." Send in your subskriptions for the year at onst."

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The "_Mock Turtle Bulletin_" learns "that onions in his lokality won't be more than half a crop, owing tew the number ov akers sewed, and the small size of the seed," and advises hiz patrons "tew lay in their assyfedity now, for the winter, while it iz low."

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The "_Mohunk Ledger_" "highsts the name ov John tyler, solitary and alone, for the next president, and gives hiz reasons."--(We doubt the polisy of this nominashun, for he haz bin run into the ground onse already.)

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The "_Mutton Hollow Day Book & People's Register_" thus reports the acksident, ov a moral karacter, on the Peuterville railroad. "The konduktor ov the 10.15 train going east, when he got tew the end ov his route, had 19 dollars he couldn't account for. This iz the fust acksident ov the kind, ever diskovered on the road, and we kan assure the traveling publik, will probably be the last."

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The "_Reedsburgh Journal_" "learns from good authority, that the wife ov a laborer, in that vicinity, gave birth tew six fine healthy children," and then adds, "but not awl tew onst."

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The "_Olive Branch_" a black republikan sheet, sez, "the grasshoppers, having et up everything green thing in our naberhood, hav pitched onto things blue, sech az whetstones, and demokrats, and are dieing oph bi the thousands, in consequentz."

The "_Oakville Banner_" don't beleave in the above akount, and adds, "the fackt that the editor of the "_Olive Branch_" still lives, iz proof enuff that the green things aint all destroyed yet."

In the colums of the "_Weekly Bred_" of date Oct. 16, we see it announced, that "the sorrel Hen ov deakon Abijeir Phillips lade an egg which weighed, after it waz kold, 7 pounds with an affidavit tew it, before Square Sturgiss, justis of peace." And then the editor goes on to say, "the hen haz bin dewing better ever sinse."--(We should think it would be hard work for her tew do mutch better.)

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The "_Monthly Reckord_" learns, thru her country correspondent, "that the maple sugar krop will be bigger next year, than for the last 90 years, and that we shall have a dreadful hard winter, for the geese are getting reddy; he never knu them so tuff tew bile, as they are this fall."

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The "_Perary Flower_" cums tew us with a long and Abel artikle on punkin pize. The editor sez, "he waz early from konnekticut, and waz born on punkin pi, and would be willing tew die on them almost, with nutmeg in them. He remembers distinktly, how hiz grate grandmother used tew mix them up, and how he used tew dip into the mix, on the sli." He further winds up bi saying, "that it iz az natural for a yankee tew stand on a punkin pi, az it iz for a setter dorg tew sett on a woodcock, or a Frenchman tew point on a frog's hind legs." (I agree with this feller fully; i waz onse from Nu England myself, and punkin pize waz the fust real sass ov mi boyhood, and at this late time ov day, seems to be the principle swivel in the chain, that binds me tew the land whare basswood punkin seeds, and wooden nutmegs, are grown only for exportation.)