Chapter LXXI: Aulminak for 1869

MARCH.

March begins on Saturday, and hangs on for 31 days.

_Saturday, 1st._--Sum wind; look out for squalls, and pack peddlers; munny iz tight, so are briks. Ben Jonson had his boots tapped 1574; eggs a dollar a piece, hens on a strike; mercury 45 degrees above zero; snow, mixed with wind.

_Sunday, 2nd._--Horace Greeley preaches in Grace church; text, "the gentleman in black," wind north-west, with simptoms of dust; hen strike continues; the ringleaders are finally arrested and sent to pot; eggs eazier.

_Monday, 3rd._--Big wind; omnibus, with 17 passengers inside, blown over in Broadway; sow lettuce, and sow on buttons; about these days look out for wind; Augustus Ceazer sighns the tempranse pledge 1286; strong simptoms ov spring; blue birds and organ grinders make their appearance; sun sets in wind.

_Tuesday, 4th._--Augustus Ceazer breaks the pledge 1286; "put not your trust in kings, and princes;" much wind with rain; a whole lot ov naughty children destroyed in Mercer street by wind; several gusts ov wind; buckwheat slapjacks invented 1745; Andy Johnson commits suicide; grate failure in Wall street; the Bulls fail tew inflate Erie; windy.

_Wensday, 5th._--A good day tew set a hen; mutch wind: "he that spareth the child, hateth the rod;" wind raises awnings, and hoop skirts; William Seward resigns in favor ov Fernando Would; Thad Stevens jines the mormons.

_Thursday, 6th._--Wind generally, accompanied with wind from the east; the Black Crook still rages; more wind; whisky hots still in favor ov the seller; sow peas, and punkin pies, for arly sass; babes in the woods born 1600; wind threatens.

_Friday, 7th._--Fred Douglass nominated for president by the demokrats; black clouds in the west; wind brewing; grate scare in Nassau street; a man runs over a horce; Docktors Pug and Bug in immediate attendance; horce not expekted tew live. Rain and snow and wind and mud, about equally mixt.

_Saturday, 8th._--Horce more easier this morning; mint julips offered, but no takers. About these days expect wind; wind from the northwest; a good day for wind mills. Half-past 5 o'clock, P.M., the following notis appears on all the bulletin boards. "Doctor Pug thinks the horce, with the most skillful treatment at the hands ov the attendant physicians, may possibly be rendered suitable for a clam waggon, and Doctor Bug corroborates Pug, _provided_, the oleaginous dipthong that connects the parodial glysses with the nervaqular episode, is not displaced; if so, the most consumit skill ov the profeshion will be requisite to restore a secondary unity." Later--"The horce has been turned out tew grass."

_Sunday, 9th._--This is the Sabbath, a day that our fathers thought a good deal ov. Mutch wind (in sum ov the churches); streets lively, bissiness good; prize fight on the palisades; police reach the ground after the fight is aul over, and arrest the ropes and the ring. Wind sutherly; a lager-beer spring discovered just out ov the limits ov the city; millions are flocking out to see it.

_Monday, 10th._--A gale, mile stuns are torn up bi the rutes; fight for 700 dollars and the belt, at Red Bank, Nu Jersey, between two well known roosters; oysters fust eaten on the half shell 1342, by Don Bivalvo, an Irish Duke; sun sets in the west.

_Tuesday, 11th._--Roosters still fighting; indications ov wind; counterfeit Tens in circulashun on the Faro Bank; look out for them; milk only 15 cents a quart; thank the Lord, "the good time," has finally come; Don Quixot fights his first wind mill, 1510, at short range, and got whipped the second round; time 14 minnits.

9:30 P.M.--Torch-lite procession at Red Bank, in honor ov the winning rooster.

_Wednesday, 12th._--Sum wind, with wet showers; showers smell strong ov dandylions and grass; gold 132 17-16; exchange on Brooklin and Williamsburgh, one cent (by the ferry boats.)

_Thursday. 13th._--Bad day for the alminak bissiness; no nuze, no wind; no cards; no nothing.

_Friday, 14th._--Wendal Phillips tares up the constitushun ov the United States; "alas! poor Yorick;" rain from abuv; strawberries, watermillions and peaches, gitting skase; rain continners, accompanied with thunder and slight moister; mercury abuv zero.

_Saturday, 15th._--Grate fraud diskovered in the custom house--3 dollars missing; fifty subordinates suspended; a wet rain sets in; robbins cum, and immediately begin tew enquire for sum cherrys.

_Sunday, 16th._--Henry W. Beecher preaches in Brooklyn by partickular request; dandylions in market only 15 cents a head.

_Monday, 17th._--Plant sum beans; plant them deep; if yu don't they will be sure tew cum up. Robinson Cruso born 1515, all alone, on a destitute iland. Warm rain, mixt with wind; woodchucks cum out ov their holes and begin tew chuck a little.

_Tuesday, 18th._--Look out for rain and yu will be apt tew see it; wind sow bi sow west; ice discovered in our Rushion purchiss; miners rushing that way; geese are seen marching in single phile, a sure indicashun ov the cholera; musketose invented by George Tucker, Esq., 1491; patent applied for but refused, on the ground that they might bight sumboddy.

_Wensday, 19th._--A mare's nest discovered in Ontary county; a warm and slightly liquid rain; thousands ov people hav visited the nest; windy; the old mare is dredfull cross and kickful; hens average an egg a day, beside several cackels.

_Thursday, 20th._--Appearance ov rain; plant corn for early whiskey; frogs hold their fust concert--Ole Bullfrog musical direcktor--matinee every afternoon; snakes are caught wriggling (an old trick ov theirs); a warm and muggy night; yu can hear the bullheads bark; United States buys the iland ov Great Brittain.