Chapter XLI: Orphan Children

Notoriety is the short glory a man gits, for doin what he ought to be ashamed ov.

God only knows how much merit wanders thro this life, sekurely hid bi rays ov poverty; nor how much crime insolently wears the golden armor ov wealth.

I think thare is jest as much virtue in the world as thare is vise, only it haint been bored for so mutch.

A grate menny ov opinyuns, advanced bi the uncommon learned men now-a-days, may be properly defined as dissolving views.

It is strange, and it is melankolly true, that those men who spend their time and talents in makin us happier, never gain mutch ov our respekt.

Thare is a grate menny people who kno jist enuff tew make a smudge, but don't kno jist enuff tew clear it away.

I don't know ov a more keen sarcasm, than a learned man listening attentively tew a fool.

The grate merit thare is in modesty, lies in the modesty thare is in merit.

Thare is 2 kinds ov hypokrasy: one tries tew appear better than it is, and the other wuss than it is--one is a wolf in sheep's clothin, and tother is a sheep in wolf's clothing.

The hight an depth ov human wisdum, is tew kno oneself; but the human heart kan never be known, only by the God who made it.

I never hear a robin on the hiest lim he kan git, pouring out his evening praise, but I am certain, that someboddy in Heaven is listenin.

About the most originality that enny writer kan hope tew arrive at honestly, now-a-days, is tew steal with good judgment.

I was once asked bi a talkin cuss, "which i thought was really the mostess happyness, the married or the single?" i sed tew him that in many cases it was like trieing tew winter on injun meal or buckwheat flour; before he had got half way thru, he would wish he had tried the other. i don't kno whether he took my advise or not.

In a match game (where both parties are marryin for money) aul side bets are konsidered off--George Wilkes told me so.

Poetry is as natral a disease tew the human family, as the winde kolick, and in most cases what will cure one, will cure the other.

How menny people thare are in this world who spend aul their lives in a hole, and always back into that.

The best way tew keep a secret, is tew forget it.

I never knew a coward who was afraid tew lie.

It is a curius fact that most everyboddy komplains ov their misfortunes, and yet, thare ain't ennyboddy who has got the itch, or salt rume bad, but what thinks his kind ov itch is a better kind than his nabor's.

Kompliments are like the frosting put on the top ov a cake, only intended for ornament.

If a man has got 375 thousand dollars, and is contented, he is happy--"jess so."

I don't serpose thare is enny sich thing as "time,"--time is a mere parasite ov Eternity.