Chapter LXIII: Gimblits

When a man loses hiz health then he fust begins tew take good care on it. This iz good judgment! this iz!

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Most people decline tew learn only bi their own experiense. I guess they are more than 1/2 right, for I don't serpoze a man can git a perfek idee on molasses kandy bi letting another feller taste it for him.

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It iz a getting so no-a-daze if a man kant cheat in sum way he aint happy.

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Success in life iz verry apt tew make us forget the time when we wasn't much. It iz jist so with the frog on the jump; he kant remember when he waz a tadpole--but other folks kan.

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An individual, tew be a fine gentleman, has either got tew be born so or be brought up so from infansy; he kant learn it suddin enny more than he kan larn how tew tork injun correkly bi praktising on a tommyhawk.

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I wonder if thare ever waz an olde maid who ever herd on a match that she thought waz suitable.

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If a man wants tew git at hiz aktual dimenshuns, let him visit a grave-yard.

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I suppoze Adam iz the only man who ever lived and want never spanked.

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I hav oftin sett down square on the ice, bi having mi feet git out ov plase; but i never could see ennything in it tew laff at, (espeshila if thare waz sum water on the top ov the ise,) but i notis other folks kan.

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Precepts are like kold bukwheat slap-jacks,--noboddy feels like being sassy tew them, nor noboddy wants tew adopt them.

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If enny man wants tew be an olde bachelor, and git sick at a boarding tavern, and hav a back room in the 4th story, and hav a red haired chambermaid bring hiz water gruel tew him in a tin wash-basin, I hav alwus sed, and i stick tew it yet, he haz got a perfek right tew dew it.

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It iz dreadful eazy work tew repent ov other folks sins--but not very profitable.